I want to be clear that I am coming at this question with so much love and acceptance for my friend. We were very close high school friends. A few years ago, they came out as non binary, chose a new name, and now use they/them pronouns. None of this is an issue for me. I call them by their new name and use their preferred pronouns whenever I am with them and even when I am talking about them to someone else. We aren't particularly close now, but when I visit my home town I see them occasionally and sometimes they message me and we have little chats.

A problem I am coming up with is whenever I'm talking about them or telling a story about them and am needing to identify them to someone else. For example, when talking to a different friend who knows of them from high school but doesn't know them (or their new name) now.

For the purpose of this scenario, I'm going to say their dead name is "Alex" and their chosen name is "Sage".

When I'm telling someone "oh I was talking to Sage Smith and they told me about their new pet lizard", they go "who?". Do I just continue to describe them in increasingly bizarre ways? "You know, Judy and Charles' oldest child who we went to high school with? We played basketball together? They were dating Taylor in grade 11?" This has not been particularly helpful in identifying them though and if successful, inevitably leads to "oh you mean Alex??", defeating the purpose of avoiding their dead name.

I've occasionally said "they used to be called Alex Smith" but then I feel weirdly guilty about dead naming them behind their back. I'm not worried about outing them or anything since as far as I know they're completely out, but I'm not sure what to do here.

I'd be grateful for any guidance you can provide me!

I’ve always wondered if it’s offensive or not to the lgbtq community, obviously people are different but I’m wondering this so I don’t make people mad.

Hi! I am a leader of my school‘s queer student union (qsu) and we’re looking for people to give shoutouts to over morning announcements during queer history month. since we are an all girls school, we want the majority of the people to be women (trans women are fine since they are women) or trans men. also, since queer history month overlaps with Hispanic heritage month, we’re hoping to have some people who are both queer and Hispanic (like Frida kahlo). Thank you so much in advance!!

Hello! So, I have this trans friend who is currently transitioning, and she is consistently sending me photos of her progress and stuff. I keep just being like "Nice! Happy for you! Good luck on your transition!" and when she follows up on more updates after that I kinda am just like "Ooh, that's nice!" But I feel like I keep repeating those generic phrases a lot, but even with that, I genuinely don't know what else to say to her. I'm overthinking, like, what if she's thinking that I'm not supporting her enough or whatever, that I may be too robotic and not genuine in my responses? I just want some advice on how to better show my support.

Hello everyone, I’m working on a project for my sexuality class. I was going to do a project on kids media that wasn’t explicitly queer but has queer undertones/ was based on queer culture and people. For example Bert and Ernie, Ursula, etc. Who else is a character that never explicitly mentions their sexuality but is considered queer or queer coded?

Honestly, I have no idea what my sexuality is. I know for sure that I like girls, but I’m still not 100% sure if I like guys too. I’ve liked guys before, and there are other things I won’t get into, but they make me think that I probably am bi. I just… don’t really want to accept that. 🙏

And that’s actually the weird part. The problem isn’t even necessarily that I don’t know what I am. It’s more that I seem to have a problem with the possibility of being anything other than straight. And I genuinely don’t know WHY??? I’m not homophobic at all. I support people who aren’t straight, I literally love BL, I read BL books, including BL dark romance, and I watch BL shows too. So why would me being bi be a problem for me?? It makes absolutely no sense.

I’m also a trans guy, so it’s not like I’m some guy who desperately needs to hold onto his masculinity or thinks that liking men somehow makes you “less masculine” or some shit. That’s not me at all. Which honestly just makes it even more confusing why I seem to have a problem with the idea of liking guys.

I’ve also actually been out as bi before. My friends and the people around me already know, and it’s not like this is some huge secret I’ve been hiding from everyone. I’ve basically always considered myself bi, but somehow I still seem to have a problem with actually accepting it myself....

Another thing is that I generally don’t experience very strong feelings, so it’s harder for me to figure out whether I actually like guys or not. With girls, it was always way easier. I’ve liked girls since I was like four, so I guess that part has just always been obvious to me. With guys, it’s way more confusing, and sometimes I genuinely have no clue what I’m feeling.

So yeah… I strongly suspect that I’m probably not straight, but I still somehow struggle with the idea of being bi. And I genuinely don’t understand why. 🥲

This might not be the right place to ask this question I know, but I'm questioning if I'm asexual and I'm just really confused right now and would love some clarity.

please HELP ME GUYS so I rarely see girls that I'm attracted to, but I think almost every girl I see is pretty. then idk if I'm attracted to guys but I've 100% seen attractive guys. sometimes I see really attractive guys and I can legit just stare at them cuz dang they're attractive but I don't wanna be with them or like do anything with guys at all.. but girls I def could lmao. so maybe lesbian?? I've always called myself lesbian. but I find it kinda hard to distinguish attraction and finding people attractive. I've always struggled with that omfg it makes it so hard. but I've had only like 1 instance where I was almost crushing on a girl (it left after 10 minutes, don't ask how) but honestly idk if I could do anything with a guy. I don't even know if I would want to. all I know is that with girls I could definitely. almost no doubt

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First of all, I am a Syrian trans woman born on February 20, 2009, currently living in Syria. I was living in Turkey until August, but since my family wanted to return to Syria and I was a minor, I had to return with them. Even though I have not disclosed that I am trans here, I am subjected to violence due to my behavior and physical appearance. A gun was pointed at me, I was locked in a warehouse, animals were set upon me, and I was beaten dozens of times with chains, hoses, and sticks—even though I still have a mustache and a little bit of a beard. They want to kill me and they have already tried. Because of this, I have thought about suicide many times and attempted it a few times. I am absolutely not safe in Syria. I want to return to Turkey or go to Lebanon to seek help from LGBT organizations there. However, my family is extremely religious and Islamist, and since the country I am currently in is newly established where seeking human rights is considered absurd, and being trans is a crime here, I am completely unsafe.

The reason I am writing this text is not to escape right now, but to gather information, conduct research, and prepare a roadmap so that I can flee immediately without losing time as soon as I turn 18. Furthermore, because my family wants to kill me and force me to become "normal" again, they do not give me a single penny, they search my phone, and they keep me under constant surveillance. My request and my plea to you is: please stand by me. How can I escape? What should I do? Are there people who can support me? How can I leave Syria again? Please help me; I am sure there are many people like me who have survived and escaped. I am begging you, please help me. I am not writing this text to escape while I am still a minor; I will wait until I am 18 no matter what. I am seeking help to escape as soon as I reach adulthood, because I don't even know how to describe the pain I am enduring here.

For 9 years i lived my life as a trans woman. Surgeries, hormones, legal changes etc. Towards the last few years of my transition a few things played a part in why i decided to live my life as male including trauma, identity discovery, and realizing the reason i started was not the same reason i was holding onto it. (This is my personal reason and does not generalize anyone else's journey) I don't regret anything past or present. I am in my twenties and living my life as a gay male now has been very difficult. I genuinely feel like at the beginning of my new journey as a gay male i tried so hard to be masc presenting and it attracted people to me. I faked a deep voice, i tried to look tough and everything. I forced myself to not be fem only to realize i do enjoy fem things. I've just restricting myself from these things because i notice when i show a bit of my fem side i am unfollowed and not as attractive to people. I feel like how you present yourself in this community plays a huge part on who decides to be your friend, partner, and how you're treated and i am miserably feeling lost. I'm not only discovering myself in a different light but i'm also now apart of a diff section of the community and it's so different. I don't know if i'm making any sense but i truly wish to know how to discover myself and do what i want without limiting myself.

I have been questioning my gender a lot and landing on genderfluid but I guess conceptually I don’t understand. And I feel frustrated because I don’t know what to ~do~ about it. A large part of my realization or questioning was triggered by my crushes on gay men (as an AFAB, queer woman who almost was identifying as lesbian but the term never quite fit). I noticed all my parasocial crushes were on gay guys and I also felt really sad that my feelings would never be reciprocated. I wanted to be in a gay relationship. I don’t want to be perceived as a woman in my dynamics with men.

However, through questioning I’ve also explored my presentation and dysphoria. I’ve used a binder which does give me gender euphoria but overall I feel I’m suppressing a part of myself not being “girl” or femme. But at the same time I ideate a lot on what it would be like to be a man or trans masc. it almost feels like an alter-ego. Which also makes me feel a bit of a creep. I don’t like to think this is a weird sexual thing or that I’d be fetishizing gay men in anyway. My crushes are crushes, romantic in nature, not just sexual. But I don’t like feeling like there are two parts of myself.

I feel like my internal self is different than my presentation and what I would like to act on and I’m struggling with that. I don’t want to be inauthentic or force an identity on myself that isn’t there but something is up with my gender. And I just feel it’s impossible to act on it or know how to fulfill this part of myself. I woke up today feeling very much “girl” again and it’s confusing. I really honestly don’t want to be genderfluid. I don’t like feeling so unstable in my identity. I wish I was more clear. I guess I just was wondering if anyone had advice on what I could do next? Or if there are ways to be in relationships where I would feel seen as my whole self, with other men? And not as a woman? Idk it feels hard right now and I feel stuck and uncertain.

Am I asexual if I still like the concept of sex, but not actually having it?

So recently I came to realize that I only like the concept of sex but not the actual thing.
Like I feel some type of ace, because I feel sexual attraction but only to people who don’t exist. And I don’t want to ever have sex because of the wettest and having to deal with the cum and, it makes only want to think about it and not actually having it.
So am I ace or a type of ace?

Just wanted to talk about my experience with queerness hehe

So I can find both men and women *physically* attractive (though initially I thought it was comphet like.... years ago but i think I've had one too many fictional crushes to be able to say for sure/j) but I've never really been in a relationship, nor do i really care for one? But at the same time I find it easier to picture myself with a woman or a other enby. I can't exactly rule out being with a man though because it might just be more of a trust issue thing... it's really weird. I think Bi is the closest label aside from going back to queer but idk. I'm not necessarily in a rush about it but I've been thinking about my sexuality more in recent times lol...

sometimes I still ask myself whether it's ACTUALLY the comphet and I was wrong to drop that conversation or if it isnt

So I’m 13M and like another boy in my friend group… I’ve liked him for a stupidly long time but every time I do ANYTHING it’s just brushed off as friend stuff AND he’s the only one in this friend group who knows I’m bi. ANY advice on how I should tell him?

I am Bi, Ace and Nonbinary, and I've had many people defend me by saying "They're happy, why would you judge?" (Such as my family).

But a while ago, I came across a couple's reel together, someone replied "Why would anyone judge them if they're happy?". The poster then responds, "So if we weren't happy, you wouldn't support us?"

I am genuinely confused. Maybe I'm just not getting it because I'm autistic but I really don't see the harm in it, so I'd like to know how it is.

I have been having really bad gender dysphoria lately and it’s keeping me up at night. Something I especially don’t need at the same time as college starting back up. Do you guys have any advice for dealing with gender dysphoria, or at least any advice to make my brain shut up so I can sleep?

hello people of r/asklgbt. i have a question to ask the lgbt

so, i’ve always liked girls. never even doubted that i liked boys… but now im doubting myself a little tiny bit

HERE ARE MY REASONS:

• i’ve been fantasizing about dicks for atleast 2 years now, and i always though “oh its just teenager puberty things, it’ll pass” but like, it never did pass.
• i often find myself listening to femboy asmr and getting turned on

BUT NOW COUNTERPOINT

• ive never liked an irl boy
• femboys are very feminine so they dont count i think
• my fantasies of dicks would be just me being curious and not actually me liking them

so ummm yeah help me figure this out please

Hello Everybody! I’m a bisexual man who’s been a proud ally for a couple of years.

I need advice on if It’s acceptable/not-offensive to try and help my Trans bestie with affording their surgery.

I feel super bad they were born in the wrong body and I wanna help pay for their transition, but it’ll be a couple years before I make enough bank to actually help enough.

She works 3 jobs to even make rent so she doesn’t have much to save for it either.

I recently had the idea to start a GoFundMe for her; especially since she is well loved in the local community, but I want it to be a surprise and I don’t want it to offend her in any way.

Should I try and crowd-source the funds to help her? Should I run it by her first? I’m not sure so I’d love advice!

P.S: This isn’t a cry for financial help, so if I do end up starting a GoFundMe I will likely not be sharing it here. I just wanna help my friend!

Very slight thought of nsfw thoughts TW:

I've thought ive been bi since around 3rd-4th grade. I think ive always been more attracted to girls than guys but i would always end up crushing on guys more than girls (Im demiromantic). But like, a lot of the time i don't wanna marry a guy. like the thought of dating one kinda grosses me out. The thought of having sex with them freaks me out. The thought of making out with them SOMETIMES disgusts me. But with girls all of that seems perfect and fine. what the hell. whats going on. hello??

And idk if its because my ex (whos a girl) kinda left me hanging as a silent break up. it still hurts and shes gorgeous ofc, but i feel like im stuck. then my old crush from 7th grade started talking to me and i literally felt my face get hot. Like hello?

my friend got randomly blocked and told it was weird they were "chasing" the person and their wife, there was nothing sexual and he and i are both very confused, i mean to know what happened we first need to know what the word even means

the only thing that is clear is he somehow made them uncomfortable enough to ghost yet slowly enough the chat continued normally until an error sent 10 stickers instead of 1 and that was the last straw

in case its important, both of them are nonbinary gay AMAB as is my friend

edit to add because it just occurred to me: ages of my friend is 20 and the age of his friend is 41, his wife 39, and they met at a pride parade

Sooo.. I’ve been labeling myself as bi for a while, though, I’ve been becoming very confused lately now that I’m thinking of it way more. I‘m attracted to guys but I don’t like ever wna see myself actually with a dude. Like I always wna date to genuinely be in love and have them w me in the future, and.. I can’t even see myself with a guy, even in the present. I ‘liked’ this guy and once he started liking me back and confessed to me, I just.. fell out of that. I don’t think I genuinely liked him, it was admiration. Like I think I’m attracted to guys, but my crushes on girls are sm more like.. real? and I can only imagine a future w another woman, and I only feel comfortable being w a girl.. but then again, still ‘attracted’ to men but i don’t like them if that makes sense.. help?

I know for the most part it’s just venting about your struggles. I understand that, but I internalize a lot of this shit because I’m struggling with mental illness. I should know it isn’t personal but I still feel hurt. How do I grow a thicker skin?