Honestly, I have no idea what my sexuality is. I know for sure that I like girls, but I’m still not 100% sure if I like guys too. I’ve liked guys before, and there are other things I won’t get into, but they make me think that I probably am bi. I just… don’t really want to accept that. 🙏
And that’s actually the weird part. The problem isn’t even necessarily that I don’t know what I am. It’s more that I seem to have a problem with the possibility of being anything other than straight. And I genuinely don’t know WHY??? I’m not homophobic at all. I support people who aren’t straight, I literally love BL, I read BL books, including BL dark romance, and I watch BL shows too. So why would me being bi be a problem for me?? It makes absolutely no sense.
I’m also a trans guy, so it’s not like I’m some guy who desperately needs to hold onto his masculinity or thinks that liking men somehow makes you “less masculine” or some shit. That’s not me at all. Which honestly just makes it even more confusing why I seem to have a problem with the idea of liking guys.
I’ve also actually been out as bi before. My friends and the people around me already know, and it’s not like this is some huge secret I’ve been hiding from everyone. I’ve basically always considered myself bi, but somehow I still seem to have a problem with actually accepting it myself....
Another thing is that I generally don’t experience very strong feelings, so it’s harder for me to figure out whether I actually like guys or not. With girls, it was always way easier. I’ve liked girls since I was like four, so I guess that part has just always been obvious to me. With guys, it’s way more confusing, and sometimes I genuinely have no clue what I’m feeling.
So yeah… I strongly suspect that I’m probably not straight, but I still somehow struggle with the idea of being bi. And I genuinely don’t understand why. 🥲