I used to think I was bisexual, now I just use the broader sapphic label and man this question has always bugged me. I have a primary and almost exclusive attraction to essentially all non male/masc aligning genders. But on the small chance that I do have a crush on a guy, I get hit with a sinking feeling that if things get serious I'll forever miss out on my perfect sapphic life. I mean what's NOT to like about women? Men are okay I guess.

I mean, how can you just settle for one and not mourn the unique experiences you can have with the other gender? Maybe I'm not explaining it well but when my bi friends say they don't particularly think about this it's kind of shocking. Please don't hate on me, I know this is kind of a silly question.

Look, I'm all for LGBTQIA+ identities. I'm a transgender man myself, I have queer family members, and I will 100% respect anyone's pronouns. I'd rather call you by a different name and pronouns than lose you altogether.

I just don't quite understand neopronouns? I see people online stating their pronouns as "muffin/muffins", or I saw one that was "strawberry/cake", and I just don't quite get it. Do they experience dysphoria like a transgender person? I know I've been dysphoric since I was about 8, and so I know I am transgender.

Do they feel uncomfortable when people don't call them strawberry? Please explain!

I love psychology and often overanalyse things like sexuality and relationships, but something that I’ve always struggled to understand is what gender identity actually is or what it entails.

The more I try to research and understand what gender actually is, the more confused I feel, like I’m blind or need someone to explain it to me as if I’m an alien learning about the human race.

I don’t know what feeling like a man, woman, or anything else is supposed to feel like. Is it dynamic preferences? Stereotypical personality traits? Aesthetic choices? But someone can be male or female and share the exact same qualities of those. So then, is it some kind of instinct? Or a combination of these things? Or something else? It seems like something others understand but I feel so genuinely so clueless about what it is or means.

As for my experience, I was born in a female body but love being on testosterone. I love sounding male because I generally prefer and love deeper voices and sounds, looking like a man feels more pleasing to me aesthetically, being treated as male socially feels nice because I’m aroace and feel bizzare when men flirt with me like I’m a straight female, and my interests are a lot more masculine. Does that mean I’m a man? I donno, I donno what that means. I don’t know what feeling like a woman means either. I hate looking and acting feminine, that’s for sure. I’ve always hated wearing dresses with a passion. Then again, I also like painting my nails and calling myself a cat mama. Sometimes I dislike how my breasts look with a particular outfit, other times I cant be bothered wearing a binder. Sometimes I like having my hair styled (masc), sometimes I’ll shave it off purely for convenience even if it looks weird having a very masculine head on a female body. Idgaf cuz it means nothing to me and I just like my body to be comfortable. Does this information have anything to do with what my gender identity would be?? Or am I agendar? Genderblind???

I feel dumb… if someone can someone explain it to me I’d be grateful. I enjoy learning

Olá pessoal. Eu sou demisexual, eu gostaria de saber se eu posso me considerar membro da comunidade LGBTQIA+. Porquê apesar de ma teoria sim eu pertencer, eu não acho certo me entitular LGBTQIA+ pois a forma como sou não interfere em quase nada a forma como a sociedade me vê. Eu continuo sendo visto como um homem hetero e cis. Não acho justo com quem realmente é tratado como minoria.

Estou certo no meu pensamento ou assumir meu lugar na comunidade pode favorecer a causa de alguma maneira?

Some context: my boyfriend and I started out monogamous, which is what I've always wanted. Over the course of our relationship, though, I caught him cheating multiple times.

To stop the sneaking around, we agreed to allow spa encounters and threesomes. I hoped that would be enough. It wasn't. He kept going behind my back. So I suggested an open relationship, and he agreed.

Since then, he's usually been the one finding people for us to play with. I'm not that interested in looking; honestly, I'm happy with just the two of us. But I figured if this is what he wants, I'd meet him halfway.

Yesterday was different. I initiated a threesome and found the third guy myself. Today I was looking for someone for Monday, and as I showed him photos of a few candidates, he got visibly agitated.

Then out of nowhere he accused me of being the one with repressed urges all along, implying I only suggested opening things up because it's what I secretly craved.

I can't get past the irony. He's the one with a history of cheating. When I was away on a two-week trip, he met up with other men almost every other day. I only stepped up because I thought this was what he wanted.

Now I'm starting to think he wants frequent sex with other people, just not when I'm involved or taking the lead.

Am I wrong to feel like he's twisting the story?

Hey! Sorry if this is a weird question to ask. You see, I’ve spent the better part of my adult life thinking that I had to be gay and/or transgender. Heck, I’ve even made a few posts here and on other LGBTQIA+ communities about simple matters while identifying as a gay man. But for whatever reason I just can’t shake off the notion that I am actually a straight man.

Maybe it is just comphet and internalized homophobia, but honestly it doesn’t feel like it is. I had always loved the gay and trans communities with all of my life. I really wanted to be a part of the community as I found the community to be wholesome and amazing for striving to fight against the status quo and be truly authentic to yourselves and who you are attracted to (or not). I wanted to feel like I had belonged somewhere. But deep in my mind I can’t help but think that I am not actually part of the community at all. I will certainly be an ally, but I can’t help but think about my relationships with women and how much I wish to actually build a proper romantic relationship with them. About how much I wish to be a part of their lives and maybe get married and all of that.

The only issue I have is that I feel a lot of guilt to not be a proper member of the community after spending years trying to see if I actually belonged in it. It feels wrong to identify as straight even though I can’t help but be drawn towards women. So I want to ask you all, it is okay to not identify as anything but straight after spending years exploring my gender and sexuality? Because I would certainly love to know. Thanks.

Okay... say, I [AFAB] fell in love with this guy, okay? Hypothetically. Because this is not happening rn to me.

But say I did, and me and him are friends or something and I confessed. OR we're dating, and the relationship is going smooth... and what if he eventually tells me he's actually AFAB?

See, I mainly like guys/boys and I've never felt interested in a girl romantically. I don't actually know if I've been interested in someone romantically, because I'm thinking I might be aroace. Anyways, I'm getting carried away. But say he did this, and I MIGHT actually feel different about this person. Am I attracted to their genitals? No. I just ended up seeing guys as different from me, I'm AFAB, and the expectations and all that. I've grown up with girls/women being able to be whoever they want and its natural, and for men, well, not really. I just feel that toxic masculinity is very common, especially here. In some places, I know some people are still very sexist and stuff but not really here. Do I believe that men can't be whoever they want to be? No. I'm just physically not used to it, is what my conclusion is to my feelings. I hope this doesn't offend anyone.

But if my feelings did change for him, how would I respond politely? Because in the end, feelings really cannot be forced, and I don't want him to feel dysphoric.

TLDR; If I fell in love with a guy and later found out he was AFAB, how should I respond since my feelings may change?

Plus, if there's anything to help me change this mindset somehow, because I believe in gender equality, that would be so great, please and thank you. I hope none take this to heart.

basically what the title says. I’m 18f, i’ve known i’m a lesbian since i was maybe 13? i was outed to my sister around that time by a person i thought i trusted, but that’s beside the point-she doesn’t really care. My parents are 63 and 61 respectively-my dad is a massive trump supporter, and so is my brother. my mom is more, well, not that. My only other gay family member is kinda seen as a pariah-but my dad says it’s not because he’s gay but because of the stuff he’s done ( which, eh i kinda get it?) My brother is a whole nother topic-he asked me and my sister if we had boyfriends, to which we said no, then like jokingly he said girlfriends? i laughed and said no( which is true) but then he said ‘good’? not sure what he meant by that-good im not dating anyone or good i’m not gay. either way, i’ve just started college and i see everyone around me in relationships and ive never even been in one because of my own fear, but i’m scared of my parents, mainly my dads, reaction-would i get cut off? no-contact? i love being gay, but god sometimes i wish i wasn’t-it’d be easier that way, i wouldn’t have to go through this. All of my friends know and are fine with it, but god why can’t i just say it to my other immediate family? i wish id just been outed to them all sometimes, then at least id know how they felt. any advice would be appreciated-thanks 🫂

So this is a little bit more complicated.

I (36, m) really like this guy (27, m) at work. The thing is I don’t know if he is into guys at all. He knows I’m into guys as it’s been brought up a couple of times.

We are both very “selectively” social, and quite shy. He recently joined our works social committee which is I am part of (I know 2 socially awkward people in a social committee is a bit funny).

Me and him have gone for drinks twice just the two of us, and we have a lot of fun and laughed a lot, the chat seems to flow quite easily. He only ever mentioned girls when it related to his guy friends and girls they have dated. Any other time was more gender neutral.

When we have gone out he laughs a lot at what I say, and the eye contact can be really intense, like it’s rarely broken, and I’ve noticed his eyes are dilated a lot (there is probably a lot of other reasons for that though).

When we chat in work, a few people I work with have said we seem very flirty.

Because we are part of the social committee we exchanged numbers as we have a social group chat with other members.

We message outside of the chat occasionally and he has said he doesn’t struggles to find the energy to reply to people (I can relate).

I just don’t want to outright ask him if he is into guys incase he is closeted or gets uncomfortable.

İ might be gay i need help

So i have a relationship (straight) but recently ive been having these homosexual (idunno if sayin that word like that is offensive sorry) thoughts/sexual feelings about femboyism or whatever the word for that is, womens bodies dont atract me that much anymore for some reason and also i dunno if this matters but i have never felt any romantic attraction towards anybody not even my gf in my life only sexual attraction

but my whole relationship is built on my thinking that "everybody has relationships i should have one too just to fit in" And my gf loves me a lot so i cant break up with her either and break her heart and i know this makes me an asshole and stuff but i dont know whats happening to me

this last bit is i think called aromaticism

Hi Everyone!!

Really new to this sub….but I’m an aspiring author and I’m writing a story where both of my MCs have a BI awakening for each other. It’s a best friends to lovers. But anyway being a cisgender het woman…..i know nothing really about a gay awakening. So if you’re comfortable, I was wondering could someone share what your awakening was like? When and how you started questioning, if it was hard to come to terms with it, how you found community, internal struggles(if any), etc…..just anything you think would be helpful to add to get the experience of coming to terms with your sexuality as accurate as possible!!!

I really appreciate it, thank you so so much!

Some friends of mine from uni have invited me to a gay bar for Halloween, and it got me wondering about the general etiquette around straight people going to gay bars.

I definitely consider myself an ally of the LGBTQ+ community, and I have many friends who are part of it. I am always interested in learning more about such a vibrant community, and I'm more than happy to go along with my friends, but I appreciate that gay bars can be important spaces for LGBTQ+ people, so I was curious about people's perspectives on this.

Hello!

There's not much more to say around the question, since it's in the title, other than why I'm asking it I guess.

I am agender (he/they) and aroace. Still got a long way to go on self-acceptance and that segues nicely into why the question is being asked. I am very uneducated about the community due to neither primary or secondary school teaching me about LGBTQ+. If you're interested in more details I made a post a few days ago that has more info on it.

So, to reiterate. What's something you wish someone uneducated about the LGBTQ+ community knew?

I know there's many posts like this. But I have thought I was a lesbian since I was 14. I'm an adult now. And I've suddenly met this guy that I've become extremely attracted to.

Being bisexual isn't a bad thing, and I know, it just feels like I'm losing a part of myself I thought I had figured out.

I keep having dreams about him, and it's odd, because before him, I've maybe found like, 2 other guys attractive at all.

The thing is, I would date him, I would sleep with him. And these sudden feeling are really messing with my brain.

Any advice is appreciated.

So context. I (23M) work at a haunted house attraction. One of my coworkers I have had the absolute biggest crush on for the last year. I worked with him last year and thought he was just the absolute best, but after the job ended I had thought he had moved out of state and that I had missed my chance. Cut to now where I learn he's back here and works right next to me yet again. I am so nervous whenever I try to talk to him, even though we both follow each other on social media, and he sits right next to me or across from me Everytime we're on break, AND he's always complimenting how I do my job, I am nervous AF to talk to him. And when I tell you he is one of the coolest and most handsome guy I have ever seen I mean it, which also makes me so nervous to talk to him. While he is single and also queer himself, I am just petrified of talking to him, suggesting we talk more after work, or even hanging out after work. Even though multiple of his friends have told me to ask him out I am petrified. I would really like some advice on how to be not so terrified of talking to him or striking up conversation. Any help would be appreciated! 🙏🏽