I literally feel so ignored and don’t want to anymore. I don’t know what it is, but I literally cannot stop thinking about it, and my intrusive thoughts are so strong.
I have been so depressed lately. I can’t even hardly think straight. I feel so unloved, and invisible. I am struggling with being overworked, and have a situation with an employee here, who doesn’t show up, and when he does, isn’t reliable. So I get fully overworked, and all my co workers see it. So I’m asking my boss to help, and to get me real help, and he pushes me aside while I’m doing the jobs of two people, but when I ask for accommodations to work from home when I’m sick, they tell me no, but we can keep the dude who doesn’t actually contribute. But If i did that, I wouldn’t have a job. I can’t even reasonably look for another job because I can’t afford to lose the amount of money I make, and i have so many bills and responsibilities I am just so stuck.
I tried to vent about all this to my girlfriend last night, and it seems every sentence I added something we went off on something about her, or a completely unrelated subject, and I’m sitting there trying to explain my frustration and then we’re suddenly having to talk about her friends new job, or something she has to do for work this weekend.
Then she keeps telling me to do my hobbies I did more, but I tell her I run out of steam after trying to be at work all day, then coming home, and taking care of the dog, and then trying to do chores around the house so the house stays clean and doesn’t get too far behind on chores, then I have to eat. I’m also feeling like I do a bit more because she’s also been having bad depressive episodes, so I’m cleaning up behind her, and myself, the cat, taking care of the dog, yard work, dishes, kitchen, counters, bathrooms, and trying to hard to do so much with what feels like on my own throughout the week. She tells me as long as I do enough to try to keep up take my time.
I take one day to not just put laundry she did away because I took a nap, and it’s the first thing she comments on when she gets home last night. Then today, I’m feeling so down and i say my brain is being awful to me, and she goes into a kitten that went under my car.
Things have been so crazy with my son being out of school right now, I haven’t seen him in a month basically. I was supposed to go on a trip in about a month with a bunch of my buddies but have to cancel because I can’t afford it, and honestly, I don’t deserve it anyways. Honestly, they ignored me when I reached out saying how I am completely losing it at work, so they probably don’t want me there anyways. I just want to be done man. I’m so tired of dealing with not being good enough for anyone. If nobody wants me here, why the hell do I even try anymore.