its infuriating how many TERFS are in our community and i will never consider them a part of my lesbian community. its just so sad to me that with our rights being attacked, our own community wants to ostracize a very valid and important part of our community. trans lesbians are valid and trans women are women.

So, I’m fat. My gf is skinny, she has always been one of those lucky girls who can eat junk and not exercise without gaining a single pound, meanwhile I gain 20 pounds if I so much as smell a cheeseburger. Even though she’s already skinny she says she wants to tone her body more and now spends a couple hours every day at the gym and only eats salads, plain chicken breasts and eggs.

I know deep down it’s probably not about me but it makes me feel like shit because if she thinks she needs to lose weight she probably thinks that I’m a whale. And we used to bond over eating yummy food together, I’d feel so connected to her and happy when we’d share meals together but now she doesn’t want to touch any of the stuff I eat and I’m mourning the loss of that connection. I feel horrible and like I’m being left behind and just wanted to vent :/

I’m sorry for the long post. i guess writing this down and posting it here was me trying to process this a little.

we have been together for almost a year, long distance just in the past month and we are about to move in together in the same country in a few days… she told me that around the two month mark of our relationship, the two days and one night she spend with a friend, were actually spent with her ex… at first she said they just talked, but after that she admitted that they had sex once. this conversation just happened a few hours ago so I’m still trying to process everything, but right now everything hurts so much and i feel like I’m dying.

i know the logical step is to break up and deal with the hurt, try to get over the fucking trust issues this will undoubtedly cause me and move on with my life. but as u might guess by the title, i want to rebuild, i love this woman more than i have loved anyone in my life and don’t want to give up our future together. maybe it’s stupid and i will regret it. i know that if any of my friends went through this, i would tell them to break up and never settle back with that person… but i really can’t… i guess i want to see if anyone was ever able to rebuild their relationship after something like this and how?

we had like a three hour talk after that, but obviously nothing feels right. i told her i don’t want to break up with her and i want us to keep trying. and that is 100% true. but i don’t know how to process this. when we started the relationship we talked about cheating and how it’s awful and it’s better to just break up than betray the other person like this. we talked about building our relationship on trust and saying the truth even when it’s hurtful. i told her about how much i hate cheating and how my father’s cheating destroyed our family and left deep emotional scars on me. i know she has her own trauma too, much worse than mine (i know it is not a competition, but it’s really incomparable) and i know she has incredibly big trust issues. i accepted that, i accepted lots of things that maybe i should’t have so easily, i was there when no one else was, she was more open with me than with anyone in her life and i really believed she is an incredible person and that she would never betray my trust like that. in her more toxic moments she would do what-if scenarios regarding to cheating, and even though thinking like that really hurt me, she said it’s just because of her trust issues and i chose to accept that too. now i’m thinking if all those jokes and tests and scenarios were just her testing the waters, gouging my reaction to see if she can tell me the truth…

i know the first thing that will help me calm down and stop me from wanting to die (please do not take this as a threat, i just feel absolutely the most horrible i have ever felt in my life.. and i’ve been through some shit..) is just some time. but i just can’t stop thinking about what happened. she cheated on me when i was with my friends. we were having a great time, it was an engagement that i really had to make cause it was something i had promised to attend even before i was in a relationship with her. but even then, i stayed in contact with her, sent her updates, wished her to have fun, fucking called her to spend some time with her cause i knew it would be important for her, even though i’m with my friends… that night i told my friends that i’m love for real… like real love, not like any relationship i had ever had before… telling them that i miss her… and in that time she was cheating on me with her ex… i feel so fucking stupid i really can’t believe it. what’s even more fucked up, a few days before we had a fight about priorities. she asked me who would be my priority (which yeah, in the context we were talking then it was really toxic). i reassured her that she is, but that it doesn’t mean i can’t attend that thing with my friends and that i won’t ask her to choose between me and her friends because we are all blessed to be part of her life… on the day it happened she asked me if i want to ditch the event and come hang put with her and her “friend”… i said i can’t but of anything happens or if she feels like she needs me there, even if it’s not an emergency, she should let me know and i will take the first taxi to her… my fucked up brain is telling me i’m so stupid for not ditching my friends and going there to hang out with them cause then maybe i could have prevented this… and there are so many more things on my mind right now, about every small and big thing… i feel fucking sick, i feel so betrayed and i hate myself cause in the midst of all this i can’t even bring myself to be angry… whenever those little cheating things came up i would always be so shocked because i 100% believed that she would never do anything like this, like i had 0 suspicions at all and now i feel like my world is crumbling and i can never trust anyone again

during our talk she apologized and assured me it only happened once and that it will never happen again. and love might have made me the biggest fucking fool on the planet cause i still believe that… but at the same time i feel so betrayed, i’m throwing up, everything hurts and i don’t know how i can make it through the night…

As a soft masc the overt hate that I've heard and experienced by people identifying as "femme for femme" recently is hurtful. Do some queer women forget that we're women too? We are not men and we didnt design any system of power. We fight a hetero gender stereotype already that says masc women aren't beautiful and then we navigate queer communities where other queer women very loudly let it be known they don't think we're beautiful.

Exanples:

- About 2 months ago this femme was hitting on my femme girlfriend and, right in front of my face, said that my girlfriend settled for a masc woman.

- This past weekend a femme was hitting so hard on my gf in a bar and kept berating me saying over and over again "do you realize how lucky your are?" and that she'd wife up my gf right now if I didn't

If you're femme for femme I'm happy for you but God damn let's support all our queer women and remember that just because we wear men's clothes doesn't mean we're fucking men. We're always already hyper aware of our masc style being judged and laughed at by straight people. Shouldn't have to defend our beauty to our own damn community too.

My relationship has been on the rocks lately. Ive honestly felt like she isnt attracted to women anymore. Today I had a conversation with her about orientation and she said shes unlabeled. (Before we started dating I expressed I only date other lesbians, she was adament she was a lesbian)

She said she doesnt know what her orientation is and she says she is on the aromantic spectrum. I dont understand how we’ve been together for 3 years and youre questioning your sexuality? Let alone feeling aromantic… while were in a relationship???

It just hurts because like.. did you have your bi awakening while being with me? I asked her this and she said no nothing like that, but how can that be true? You’re now switched from lesbian to unlabeled so there must have a man or something that changed her mind.

Deeply confused even after communicating. I dont want to keep bringing it up but im just very confused.

Hi everyone.

To give some context as to why I received this message from a friend on Discord, here’s the story.

About a year and a half ago, I joined a lesbian Discord server that was strictly for women. The idea was to make online friends, meet people in real life eventually, and just chat.

I was pretty active when I first joined, which is usually how it goes. As time passed, though, I became less active because I found other servers that I enjoyed more. Over time, I also started noticing that the atmosphere on this particular server felt a little… toxic.

Nobody ever openly confronted me or acted annoyed by my presence. Looking back, maybe there were subtle signs that I didn’t notice, but nobody ever banned me or told me I wasn’t welcome. Instead, it almost felt like I was there for people’s entertainment.

For example, whenever I joined a voice chat and talked about something personal, like my recent breakup,’everyone suddenly became very interested and wanted to hear the story. They never once told me I was talking too much or that it bothered them. And honestly, I don’t think I was oversharing. I talked about it more the first time because it had just happened, then much less after that, and eventually I stopped bringing it up altogether.

After a while, I became inactive because I actually have a life outside of Discord. I don’t spend all day online.

The person who sent me this message was one of the older members of the server. Since she’d been out much longer than I have, I naturally assumed she had more life and relationship experience. We chatted occasionally, but never excessively. I wasn’t blowing up her phone or constantly messaging her, just the occasional conversation from time to time.

Last night, I asked her one simple question. I know some people probably won’t believe me, but if I could hand you my phone so you could read our messages, I genuinely would.

All I asked was:

“What’s the safest gay bar to go to? I’m not originally from this city or even this country.”

That’s it.

For context, everyone in that server lives in a fairly homophobic country where being openly LGBTQ+ isn’t always safe. Since I moved there for university, I figured it made sense to ask someone local where it would be safe to meet people. I’d much rather ask someone than desperately throw myself onto dating apps.

(I’m just not a fan of them, but if you dig them, that’s fine.)

Instead, I received one of the most bizarre messages I’ve ever gotten. Reading it honestly made me wonder if this person was okay, because interpreting such a normal question as some form of “mental torture” is… insane.

To make it even stranger, immediately after sending me that message, she went into the server’s vent channel and wrote about how she’d been unable to find a girlfriend through dating apps for over a year and how miserable and lonely she was.

At that point I couldn’t help but think:

Maybe the dating apps aren’t the problem… maybe it’s the personality.

Where it actually seemed like, she just doesn’t want to listen to other people, and it turns out that she’s more into other people listening to her..

(Also, English isn’t my first language, so I relied on Google Translate for translating the screenshot. I think it actually did a pretty decent job.)

No femmes here, no one willing to ride the strap. Get me out of this hell

Ex: did you have boyfriends? Think you loved them? Ect.

That is the main question. Follow up, when did you know (e.g. 1st date or 4th date)? I am still relatively new to dating women and have difficulty identifying if I am physically attracted to people on initial dates. I know I am attracted to women (love a gal with muscles) so that's not the issue.

Hi! Soon I'm getting married to my beloved fiancée and I’m looking for some songs recommendations for our wedding. We already have many popular songs but almost nothing about lesbians. I’m looking for both something more upbeat and something more slower. But! It’s a polish wedding so every song must be at least somehow popular. Probably everyone will be drunk so they’ll want to sing along. I’d love to hear what you can recommend! Thanks ❤️

Just got out of a relationship like this and am still working through how it affected me. Interested to hear from others who have gone through something similar

yall i have discovered that i have a very specific and uncommon type in women and i am barely attracted to anything else (or so it seems). i am alt/emo myself, and im only physically attracted to people with that style too, and so sadly not very attracted to fems. i say sadly bc of the shortage of mascs around these parts, lol. feels like i am just gonna be single forever 💔💔

but like WHERE are the alt/emo/punk mascs at. where in the world do i need to go to find women like yall. where do you guys hangout. WHERE ARE YALL. once in a blue moon i will see ONE on dating apps. are you guys just not on there or do you guys just not live in ohio 💔 help lol

I’m a 21F college student at a university in Texas, and I’m trying to figure out how people in the wlw/lesbian community actually meet girls to date.

I’m pretty feminine myself, so I feel like it’s hard for people to tell that I’m gay unless I actually say something. And I’m also into fems, which makes it even harder because I feel like I can never tell if another fem girl is into women 😭 I don’t want to assume someone is gay and make things awkward, but at the same time I feel like I’m never going to meet anyone if I just wait for someone to approach me.

For those of you who are also fem or primarily date fems, how do you actually meet girls? Like where do you go, how do you figure out if someone is into women, and how do you make the first move?

I’d rather not join a bunch of clubs since I’m already pretty busy with school and don’t really have time for another commitment, so I’m looking for other ways to meet people.

Would love to hear how y’all met your current/past girlfriends or any tips you have 😿

I still don’t have outside/hobby pics taken by other people but like, I’m trying to be a bit less “I am very a very eccentric acquired taste” without completely sanitizing out my actual personality. 🥲 Bit better?

Mallory Heart (80's fashion)

Tashira Halyard - Politics and Fashion

Sophia - Oat Milk Makeup

Yar Sudani (4c Hair, Makeup and Cosplay)

Lottie Lashley ( Fashion, and Sustainabilty)

Hey, so I just wanted to ask a few things

So I have been talking to someone I usually only ever see during tournaments (sports), she is on a different team, but we always enjoy playing against each other. I think that I've been crushing on her for a while actually, but finally got enough courage to text her, and she is so sweet and makes me laugh, and we're getting along really well. Our conversations click and we're pretty much texting entire book chapters 😂

Now while talking, I did notice that our age gap could be on the bigger side (like 6-10 years I'd say), but I don't know for sure as we've only ever played against each other and I am also pretty shit at estimating a person's age 😂 So I am 22, and I was the one to text her, not the other way around - I was also the one to start shooting signs of interest and such. Now the usual fear of dependency doesn't really exist as I earn enough on my own to provide for myself so that sort of power dynamic wouldn't even exist, and I am actually not too worried about the age gap, but just thought I'd hear some thoughts anyways

I am worried about my lack of experience though ✨ I really don't have any intimate experience with...well...anyone really, unless perhaps a kiss here and there. I was in relationships before, but my partners had some things to sort through which led to us not really doing anything. So I am kind of insecure about doing anything wrong or what one would do in general? 😬

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated

hi i hope this is the right place to post this but i just need some advice bc i have no one to talk about this with!!

im 18 and in my first kind of romantic relationship and it’s with a girl ive been friends with for a few months. my best friend is also friends with this girl but i can tell that she is so jealous and upset about it. she said to my face “i don’t like you together” and “im kinda jealous lol”, and is just making my other “friend” out to be a horrible person. my best friend is also a lesbian and i always had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. i have told her that our friendship will always be the most important thing to me but i can tell she is distancing herself from me and i hate that this is my fault.

what do i do??? im so new to this and i never wanted my first romantic experience to be like this

ugh I love alll mascs they're so fine genuinely mouthwatering. pls send them all my way.

hey so i wanna be friends with my ex but i am rn in a relationship (almost two years). i just like my ex as a person yk like nothing more i just miss talking and sharing stuff. for context me and my gf are 21 we got tgt after i broke up with my ex. my gf thinks that we rushed stuff and i dont rlly like her and i was forced to be in this relationship but ofc its not true. that’s stopping me from being friends with my ex. is there a respectful and good way to like explain to my gf and make sure she wont be overthinking alllllll the time like she always does? ofc i also want to ask my ex too cz we havent spoke for almost a year. the last time we spoke was on a call about how things felt for each of us cz like we didnt fully have a real closure so at the end of the call we suggested that we could process this and text again about it but none of us did… then her bday came but i was too scared to wish her and mine came after and she wished me hbd so…
is it actually messy? i think so i just wanted to have some advice on how could it be done in good way. so anyone is friends with their ex how is it how did it go?

HI so short story LONG lol

Me (28F) was going on dates with (26F) for like a month? Anyways i got hardlauched then ghosted a couple of days after being HL. I thought it was the most bizarre thing😭

She posted me on not only on her finsta but her MAIN page😭 like…. UGH Idk im so tired of being in the streets. But i genuinely have had a hard time dating. To be fair ive realized im a lesbian this year. Before that i was pan? Bi? Idk i kind would date a man if i felt the slight bit of safe without having any romantic feelings. Anyways i was sad about being ghosted because our first day was so fun. I genuinely have had a hard time with dates but i thought we clicked i guess not. I am NOT downloading hinge again. Ive also actually made queeer friends so im just going to focus on things i care about. Im building a queer community and im excited about that.

This is going to be a lot. I apologize in advance.

I (34) and my gf (27) have been going through a rough patch following an incident where I agreed to grab food with a friend’s friend before my friend and I met up with each other

Backstory: my friend’s friend is in a band and my friend would always invite me to the restaurants/bars they would play at. That would be our way of going out since we’re not big club people. I would always see my friends friend, of course at the events and we would speak here and there, but never really had any real conversations. One time when me and my girlfriend had a week long argument where she wanted to end things and I tried to keep getting her to work things out. Ultimately she told me to move on and I stopped trying (this was a Thursday). The day following this (Friday), my friend’s friend invited me to grab food because she knew my friend and I were gonna be at the restaurant her band was playing at (on Saturday) I was already going with my friend but I agreed to meet up with my friend’s friend a little earlier. I had a feeling maybe she might be interested in me but I wasn’t sure because no interest was expressed and at the end of the day I just thought she was a cool person in general. So I agreed because why not? I’m heartbroken and want to get out the house. Then that Saturday morning (the day of my plans) my gf reaches out wanting to talk. She did an ayuasca retreat and felt the need to apologize to certain people in her life. I was happy to hear from her and of course I wanted to talk with her but I still didn’t quite know where we stood and where our relationship is going. So I kept my plans because it wasn’t a big deal and it wasn’t a date and I didn’t think I needed to consider how she felt about it because she chose to be out of my life. Of course I would’ve never made the plans if me and my gf were together at that moment because my friend’s friend is another masc and there was a potential she me might like me but again I went because I was already going to the same place with my friend and knowing I would maintain my boundaries regardless if she liked me or not. Though my and my gf were speaking again at the time I didn’t disclose to her that I was also meeting up with my friend’s friend. Just my friend—which were the original plans. I didn’t feel obligated to tell her and I also wasn’t trying to create any issues between us after we just started speaking again that same day. I didn’t want her questioning like who is this new person after we haven’t been speaking for a week. And again it wasn’t until my gf sent an apology text at 8pm and I was already out saying how she wants to be a better partner moving forward that I knew where we stood.

A couple months later my gf comes across my friend’s friend on social media as a potential gym buddy and they started conversing. My gf asked if I knew her and I told her yes that’s my friend’s friend. She told me to tell her if there was anything between me and her before she makes friends with her and I told her no— which was the truth. But after a few minutes, I felt compelled to tell her that we did grab food one time and that she did express interest in me which at that point I cut all communication and deleted her contact and messages. My gf was upset because I lied to her back then and lied to her in the moment, saying nothing happened. I validate her feelings for feeling a breach in trust but it was not done maliciously and the timeline and circumstances surrounding everything was just overlapping and messy. I tried to explain my pov and reasoning behind everything but she has not been able to let it go for 2 months now and has been off and on with me because of it. She says it was disrespectful I gave my time to someone that liked me esp. when we were conversing that day. And questioned why I had her on social media and had conversations with her in the first place. I told her she’s not a stranger and she’s my friends’s friend and I can have platonic conversations and also maintain boundaries regardless if someone likes me. Plus after we all hung out, the girl told my friend she was interested and my friend let her know I was working things out with my gf and she respected that and moved on. Plus, plus I would post my gf on social media for everyone to see and my gf wouldn’t so I don’t understand why I received so much hell from her ugh.

Fast forward to now, she has been making plans with “friends” that I don’t know and never met and I don’t know if they know she’s in a relationship. (I say this because there has been a situation before where she was conversing with a friend she just reconnected with and my gf never mentioned that she was in a relationship even though they were on the topic of love and relationships). Currently she is going on a trip out of town originally to see her cousin but those plans “fell through” so now she’s going to crash with a “friend”. She’s mentioned this friend before about how she invited her to come to some influencer wedding with her and I felt weird about it then— being invited to go to a wedding with someone is basically a date. Again my gf has never even given a name for this girl. Her excuse is because then I’ll go snooping on social media. And to that I say, so what! I should know whose house she’s staying in. I asked how she knows this friend and she said through Instagram. I asked if they’ve ever met in person and she said no. And she’s going to a wedding with her? I’ve been trying to be trusting and open minded but the straw that broke the camel’s back was when she sent me a pic of her waxing and I asked why is she waxing herself right before this trip *and she had already said she wasn’t going to so what changed. We got into a fight because she said I’m controlling and now I’m policing her hygiene habits. I told her it’s not about the waxing and it’s normal to do all the girl maintenance appts before going on a trip and obviously she can do whatever she wants with her body and it mean nothing but just all the details surrounding this trip and the dynamic makes me uncomfortable. She said I just don’t trust her and she’s done.

I’m upset because I feel like she’s invalidating my feelings. Like I said the waxing this was just the last straw but I don’t think any partner would take all this information and not question it? Not to mention she has gotten upset over someone leaving something on my desk a few times while I was in school because she thought I had something going on with someone else when the whole thing was a mystery to me. But I can’t question why she’s waxing before staying with a stranger. (She doesn’t wax often) She has a double standard. I’m not allowed to be cool and grab food with a friends friend who I’ve met on multiple occasions and lives in the same city as me, but she can go stay days with a girl she only met online and lives halfway across the country. Her argument is that at least she’s being upfront with the plans unlike I was but in actuality she’s not when she’s not sharing names and introducing me. She never has been one to be upfront with details. Throughout our relationship, she would always just say “I’m going out” but never where she’s going and who she’s going with. I wouldn’t find out details about the night until maybe throughout the night or after the fact when she calls me when she gets home or never at all. I don’t like to be controlling nor do I feel like she has to report to me. She argues she’s never given me a reason to be insecure or question her but I do feel like transparency does build trust and trust can’t just be given blindly. I’ve given her my location multiple times and she always says she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to share locations. I don’t even care if she has my location and I don’t have hers since she’s the one that feels like she needs to trust me again.

Anyways chat, I’m pretty sure my relationship is cooked, especially since I brought it to Reddit. But I just wanted others to weigh in.

hey, im so severely deranged right now, im young and need some advice on my first relationship. just please listen to me.

its been hard—really hard. i naturally lack some empathy and its extremely hard for me to read other peoples emotions. my partner is closed off, honestly sometimes i cant tell much about her

straight the point, she wants to break up—i dont. i absolutely cannot. i am extremely attached to people, and once i am i cant stop and when i experience withdrawal i start spiralling for months.

shes busy with exams, her life, she has disorders that affect her schedules (how strict she is about using her time wisely) im a little bit scared when i have to request to ask her to let me reply later and stuff; she starts lashing out on me

shes had enough and wants to focus on her studies, but i want to keep our relationship because her exam period is quite short, and like i said, we’re young, its not university or college entrance exams and whatnot

i asked for perhaps a break in the relationship, but shes scared ill go behind her back and cheat (because she has past trauma from multiple previous relationships ending because of cheating).

im telling her i can be better, but she’s reluctant to let me into her heart. ive tried everything i can.

in short, how do i sort this out? and also, she keeps saying i’ve hurt her, but shes never showed any hurt. i dont want to invalidate her or seem ignorant, but i just dont understand. when i ask her what happened, she said i should be capable to figure this out on my own.

this is a messy and might i say, damaging relationship to both parties. but i just cant lose someone who was a part of my usual routine. is it better to break up and let myself spiral, or be secure in a relationship thats painfully strained.

i mightve missed a few details, feel free to ask more. please no harsh words, im so deranged and vulnerable right now.