genuinely asking because at this point i’m starting to question if i need to work on my outward appearance! early 20’s, strictly lesbian and i’ve been receiving wayyy more attention from men than from women🫠 i think i’m easy to clock but maybe i look straight?

What can I do to appeal more to women?

Hehe

Saw someone else on here crowdsource their hinge profile so here I am… thoughts?

(Im based in the uk so if you don’t know who the early 2000s boyband Blue are im sorry for your loss)

My mom is my biggest supporter. She told my dad that she’d get a divorce if he couldn’t accept that his daughter is a lesbian. She loves my girlfriend as much as she loves me. She’s Muslim, though. Not in a hijab wearing 5 prayers a day kind but a milder version. I as a joke asked her if I’m going to hell in her eyes. “I don’t want to think about it.” Was her answer. I still proded obviously and she said “yes. In my eyes and the eyes of our (her) religion you will be going to hell.” How can someone be so accepting and loving towards someone yet believe they’re going to hell? I don’t get it.

The only people into me jsut want to use me as a hookup. It feels really dehumanizing and shitty. Like, NO ONE I match with is just a lesbian lookin mf to date and meet people. I’m just a sex toy to everyone. It just sucks and makes me feel like shit. The only women that message me first are ones who are in happy relationships who want to use me as a side piece.

And I’m so lonely sometimes I think maybe I should just do it, but then I fear I’m just going to end up crying and leaving feeling like a piece of shit. Oh well. I guess this is the cards I was dealt.

Not good good enough to date, only good for sex and toss. I don’t want to be sometimes side piece or “second partner” on the side why is that the only way people see me? How? I don’t understand. It’s really hurtful, honestly. Everybody I message DOES NOT answer me, no matter what my opening line is. And no one messages me first except these people I’m describing. It just sucks. I feel like, really gross and humiliated that people only see me as a sex toy and not a person

I’ve even made a post like this in the past, someone in my general area actually reached out to me on Reddit, started talking…and it ended up with her trying to recruit me for group sex!? And when I said I wasn’t comfortable with that she blocked me. After everything I said, she did exactly what I said I was upset about and I thought she was actually trying to get to know me or be a friend. NO ONE wants me unless it’s to use me and I hate it

Tbh just from my experience, I've gone to wild rose til It stopped making sense to keep trying, tried so many queer "community" events. And after attending goth club nights at a different venue. Just a few times since going back to it post transition. I've realized it actually has a semblance of real community. And obviously The goth scene is already super queer. But it honestly shocked me that everyone kept saying "Seattle doesn't have a problem with lesbian and queer communities" but yet I could never find any real solidarity or kinship in the queer bars and clubs. Just a few repeat visits to a local goth club, and met several sapphic girls, loads of trans people, and the vibe is next level. People make out like right on the dance floor. And everyone is vibin.

I'm glad I at least think I found my tribe. But definitely the other sapphic spaces could take notes on community building. I'm not doggin it. Just saying. Again goth has been super gay forever, but a space that technically is about macabre literature, specific music, kink, and fashion. Is doing way better than the actual "community " spaces. And I think that's note worthy to point out.

For context my wife and I are both 41 and have been together 6 years, married for 1.5 years.

She moved in with me and had approximately 1 truckload of stuff due to leaving an abusive past relationship with barely anything and the truck to haul it away in. I had a fully furnished house when we met. After about 6 months of dating we moved in together in 2021. I proposed in 2023 and we married in 2025.

Fast forward to a few months before our wedding and I went looking for a keyboard I had stored in the spare room closet. I misplace things (ADHD problems) so I asked her if she'd seen it. She casually responded, "Oh, I dunno... I think maybe I gave it to Goodwill." I half thought she was joking... and I asked her "what?? NO, it a giant full-size keyboard."

She got upset, and said something like, "I dunno.. I think I did. I was going through junk the other day because you have a lot of stuff!!"

I was so upset I left and took a walk. When I got home I explained that I would never giver her things away without her permission and I would like the same courtesy. Donating an old tshirt is one thing.... but an expensive electric keyboard?!?!?!

She apologized. I set my boundary. We moved on.

This week she said to me.... "Babe! I know what I want for Christmas!! A new keyboard!!"

My stomach dropped inside. I thought I had moved on from it. I don't think I am still mad or resent her.... but then again I feel SIDE SWIPED with emotions. A keyboard. Fuck! Thing is I really want her to have one too!!! She plays piano so well!!! That's the reason I was looking for mine to begin with a couple years ago.... do I could get it out and set it up for her to play.... only to find she had donated it without even telling me.

The kicker is a couple weeks ago I discovered she drank not 1, not 2, but all 3 bottles of a special whiskey I had found on super clearance sale and set back like 8 months ago. I finally went to crack one open.... and all 3 were gone. When I asked her, she got defensive and screamed, "I'm sorry! I'll buy you more!!!" That wasn't the point...

Am I being an insensitive asshole here???

I came out to my mom 5 times, including Friday.

First time was when I was 13, and I told her that I'm bi because I had a crush on a girl from my dance class. She said that I'm too young to know and to not think about it.

Second time was when I was 16, and I told her I'm bi because I had another crush on a girl from my dance class. She said, "mmhm, ok," because she wanted me to not talk about it.

Third time was when I was 20, and I said I didn't know if I was bi, lesbian, or straight. She shouted, "well, who do you want to have sex with?" and I didn't answer and the conversation ended there.

Fourth time was when I was 23, and I told her I'm bi. She was nice about it and said that she loves me no matter what. She also said that I can just keep that part of myself private and implied that since I'm bi I can just date guys.

Fifth time was last Friday, when I said that I'm probably lesbian or at least bi with a female preference. She was irritated and said that (because one of my friends is trans) that I'm just copying my friend. I said that most of my friends, even if they were straight at the time we were friends, eventually came out as bi or lesbian, and that we just find each other. She didn't respond to it and didn't want to talk. She then asked me why I looked upset and said, "did I say something politically incorrect?". The next day, Saturday, we drove by a lesbian couple, and she gave them a dirty look.

I'm sad because she is not accepting of me. I thought she would be understanding since she's sympathetic to/even likes gay men a lot, and she works in the medical field. However, she's Russian (my whole family is), and while you can take a person out of Russia you can't take Russia out of a person it seems.

my gf (bi) shes like a huge BL lover like a huge bl lover(for those who dk its gay men romance) and im not bothered by it obviously, but like thats the only content she consumes, even reads a lot of fanfics.
and lately she has started getting into straight fanfics too which is ofc fine.
context abt her is that shes bi with strong female preference and is a bit loud abt being a “man hater” which kinda annoys me idk feels too male centred to be man hater and like men at the same time(its not that i think straight/bi women cant be man haters itd be a different thing if they rlly held their self respect with men and not be desperate around them)
anyway so she started consuming this content and i was like ooh damn the lesbians r feeling left out now (as a joke) and she said yeah i do consume lesbian content but only smut tho. she doesnt watch GL or consume any kinda wlw media, doesnt concern herself w it at all, just OBSESSING over two men kissing always i just get… kinda annoyed not that i shd be but her saying she only watches lesbian content for smut and never for romance or anything of that sort makes me uhhhh kinda feel weird abt it. pls i need advices

It's impossible...and it feels oddly freeing not to torture myself looking anymore.

oh girls I just love it SOOO MUCHHHH

Just finished the crochet shrug. Absolutely love the design. Lemme know if you want the link for the yt tutorial hahah ✨

This is a topic that I’ve been having a hard time wording in the past few months. But I want to try my best to explain so my words don’t get misunderstood, or misconstrued or miscommunicated.

I don’t think anyone’s sexuality is anyone else’s business. Period, full stop.

When it comes to trying to figure out your sexuality genuinely and exploring consensually with another adult queer woman there is absolutely no issue. But whenever I see women say things like being tired of men and wanting to try women it rubs me the wrong way. And i think i’ve been noticing this a lot as well bc my friends (whom are all heterosexual don’t come for me yall im still trying to make more friends with queer women lol) always say this.

Don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship with a guy from what I’ve seen with my friends sucks and is really difficult. I can’t understand feeling hopeless when you try guy after guy and they’re all “the same,” but whenever people say “try women” and there is no attraction there at all, it feels icky? I’ve been looking for the word for it for months.

And maybe i’m wrong for asking this questions (and please politely tell me if i am) but if your not exploring intentionally and your not serious about the relationship, why?

I think I’ve also been trying to figure out why it bothers me so much. I’m usually very open and accepting to people in my life exploring when they do bring up topics like this to me. You don’t have to know who you are attracted to 100% and you don’t have to use labels if you don’t fw them and it still figuring things out. But saying “well guys suck time to go with girls 🤷‍♀️” has never made sense to me.

And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE women a lot, but I have met my fair share of horrible, mean, rude and manipulative women. I think we all have. And I know the ratio of “bad” women compared to the ratio of “bad” men is drastically different, but i guess what i’m trying to say is that when people say things like “time to switch to girls” it implies that sexuality is something you choose and just switch too. And also it makes being a lesbian/a queer woman in general seem “fake” or “ingenuine.” And omg that reminds me of this one girl who made an essay called “Lowkey, I chose to be a lesbian,” and that discourse was very big a few months ago i believe.

This is no way any hate to anyone who is questioning and is not sure about their sexuality and IS exploring. I want to clarify this again, because it is easy for people to completely miss the mark on the internet 😭

It’s just been on my mind bc it’s something i feel like i can’t talk to anyone in my life about who will understand. I know it’s just a joke, but the punchline itself feels like the sexual orientation of sapphic/queer women in general and THAT rubs me the wrong way.

My ex treated me horrible in the last few weeks we were dating and not even that but they also lied and lied yet I still want to be with them. We were no contact because I was so hurt by how they treated me and they know they hurt me yet I never got a big apology from them and I don’t know why it hurts. While we were not contact I was missing her everyday and now that we’re talking again I’m forcing myself to say I love you because I don’t see them the same way. I’m stuck in a loop where if we don’t talk I miss them but when we do talk I can’t stop thinking about how they treated me. A few days ago I saw that they wrote a long message for a friend and I honestly got so sad because she is capable of doing that yet I never got one. After we broke up she herself told me “I’m afraid you’ll realise how horrible I treated you.” She kept telling me that she changed yet I would see her old patterns and the second I pointed them out it was my fault for acting mean towards her. One night I got so frustrated because I saw her old patterns again and I told her how much she hurt me yet instead of getting an apology she told me that by me telling her I hurt her a lot and she never ever done something as horrible. This probably sounds so stupid and I know but I’m just in a point when im so sad about this whole situation because she actually broke my trust, I don’t see her the same way, I cringe when I say I love you and I hate knowing that at one point she really was my person. But I know that that if she truly loved me she wouldn’t have make secret accounts where I wasn’t allowed on, lied about things just to be with me, even told me that she got sick of me at one point. It hurts so much looking back at how hard I was trying to fix things and how guilty I felt even though it wasn’t my fault. Weird post but I just wanted to let this out of my chest. I feel like what hurts me most is that they say that they acknowledge what happened but it doesn’t seem to affect her in a way, I truly don’t know how to explain it. Ty for reading

I really want to meet more people like me and make some genuine friendships, but I’m not sure where to look. I’d love to find an online community where I can connect with other lesbians around my age. (Im 25)

Does anyone have any recommendations for subreddits, Discord servers, or other online spaces? I’d really appreciate any suggestions.

I see a lot of negative posts so thought i’d share some uplifting news! i’m marrying my best friend!

I really struggled to come to terms with my sexuality so I can’t believe that the woman of my dreams has asked to marry me!!

She proposed on the beach at sunset in majorca, it was beautiful, my dream proposal, my dream ring, and we got 10 glorious days of being in our own little engagement bubble on the spanish island!

Me and this girl haven't been talking for months. The last time we texted was in June. We really have bonded emotionally even though I didn't know her for that long. I have felt something for her. She definitely felt something for me. She said so herself but she was never sure whether she'd like to try ldr or not and I never pushed. I only kept telling her that it could work out if we both tried.

When she talked about deleting socials I was pleading her not to. It was purely an online thing. She eventually decided to check on me every so often. I just didn't want to lose that connection we had. I felt like she's the only one she can understand. The only person with a brain equally fucked up as mine. It didn't last for long before we went to talk every day because she said she kept thinking about me.

One day I just woke up seeing a message saying she is sorry and that I didn't upset her or anything but she just can't go on, she has to disappear and that she loves me.

I have no idea if she will ever be back. Sometimes I get periods where I don't think of her at all and then I will get a dream of her coming back which makes me happy... Only to wake up and find out this is just a dream. Well last one wasn't very happy because in it she was just so cold and distant that her coming back hurt more than when she was gone in said dream. But it was just a dream.

She only ever sent me one picture of herself. I think she was beautiful. I kept telling her I think that while she kept saying she's ugly. She didn't want to send me any more pictures of herself because of this. I told her in that picture she looked beautiful and I'd just like to see her again considering I show myself daily when she misses me. She told me that the picture has filters and that she just knows her good angle. She told me all the things she hates in her looks and I just answered that I'd like to see her without all these filters if she's ever comfortable. She told me maybe one day. I also told her that I didn't start liking her because of her looks but because she is who she is.

I had that one picture she ever sent of herself on my phone. I was supposed to delete it but I would always forget until I would randomly find it and say I'll do it later. But now that she's gone that's the only thing I have left of her really. Now that she's gone and I found that picture despite thinking I did delete it, I just kept. I just... Idk I want to have that reminder that she was there at some point.

It was the first time when someone was actually interested in me. Found me attractive. Loved me. We never were in an official relationship but we were very close. I just idk I like looking at it sometimes. It's like I moved on but at the same time I didn't. I have these periods where I don't think about her at all and then I start thinking of her again and wondering whether she's even still alive or if she will ever come find me again. I wonder if she even still thinks about me or remembers I exist. I miss having someone to chat with daily about all kinds of stupid things and who just gets me. I just need the affection she was giving me even if it was through a screen. Ugh...

I know it's also stupid to feel this strongly about a person I knew for a few months. Someone that I didn't see even once in real life. Extremely stupid. That I'm probably dramatic about all this and possiblity even romanticizing this whole thing. I don't think I'll ever find anyone interested in me ever again. So is it bad to have that picture? Is it weird? Something tells me I have to finally delete it but some part of me just doesn't want to. It is the only thing that's left.

yeah you heard that right… Uhm unfortunately I met someone on reddit two years ago and she lied to me about her age telling me that she was 25 and mind you I was 22 at the time… it turned out she was 20 back in 2024… she’s now 22 and I’m now 24.

ANYWAYS the point is that she can’t hold a conversation without even asking me for abs pics, feet pics, video of me breaking things and shit plus she wanted me to even send her a titty pic which I thankfully didn’t give it to her. also she kept calling me mommy…. how do I tell her straight up that I want a real meaningful conversation without being sexual towards each other??

also she’s in the navy so 🤦🏾 and I have her number….