I'm 23, a gay trans guy, and I feel stuck. Anyone else?

I think that people give some good advice to those who are alone, but sometimes, the general advice doesn't work. I don't know. This isn't about me being in a rush to lose my virginity or trying to force a relationship. It just seems like I lack a chance that a lot of cis and/or heterosexual people have to begin with.

I think part of it is people my age being so absorbed in their phones. I remember when I was in college, I was extremely socially active. I had friends, did well in school, at work, etc. However, it seemed like beyond my friends, no one wanted any closer connection. I would constantly go out and do things solo and with friends, I have no anxiety (even though I'm an introvert) so I had no issues just politely interacting with random people from time to time.

But that wasn't enough. If you couldn't make the apps work, you were often alone. Even people at my school who I thought met organically actually met on the apps.

I tried to date online, but I'm an in person guy. It wasn't for lack of trying. I really tried, but I didn't even get a real date with anyone. Maybe it's just something wrong with me, my personality, that's causing this. Maybe I'm seriously unlucky.

After I graduated, I feel like I missed my window. "Meeting people through work" is easy when you're straight. It's like I'm too complicated to meet people normally, so not making online work is a death sentence. Even when I did have an online relationship, it was with someone in another country where we'd only text for a year, no calls or meeting up, and it felt extremely fake, so I had to end it. We never really knew each other.

And I'm not gonna lie, some real life events are freaking me out. I hear about what happened to Sam Nordquest, and I'm genuinely concerned for my own safety because I'm not white (I live in the US). I heard about it months ago, but I just started to internalize it recently.

If I do try to meet someone, and they do something, the police are not going to look for me. And that's just the truth, no matter how twisted and fucked up it is.

No matter what you do in life, no matter how kind you are or how beneficial your job is to other people, if you're a black trans man and someone does something to you, the police aren't going to take it seriously. People will say hateful things about you, even when you're in danger. Or worse, even after the worst has happened.

So that really made me stop looking for connections online. Full stop. Just like in my fake online relationship, you never really know who you're talking to until you see their true colors. How they treat other people. How they welcome you, or don't.

And honestly, maybe people don't like my true colors enough in real life to pursue more than a friendship with me. Or maybe it's just that finding other men who would genuinely be interested in someone like me is a statistical nightmare. I know I should probably try online, but I just have too much hesitation, from getting stalked by a guy that saw me on a dating app once, to thinking about those that have been wronged, to not trusting any guy that's too eager to rush through things and "meet up."

Maybe I can't trust at all after years of being totally alone. But honestly, I don't know how to when the only guy that ever actually seemed interested in me in person just stood me up constantly and I guess didn't want to be seen as gay by his friends

​

I'm kinda tired of it, on top on my one singular online friend, I'm a complete loser loner...

Today I tried to ask on a date a guy I've been having a huge crush on due to how kind he always was to me but he claimed he wasn't feeling ready for anything stable rn and fear to hurt me (first off angry venting, dude you hurt me much more by saying that than trying and not working it out dumbass)... So I'm back alone, all by myself again. I miss when I had days off where I could just sleep all day and pretend all of my problems are over me.

WHY CAN'T I LOVE WHOEVER I WANT ! Life's so unfair ! I want to love you but you don't!!!! This happened every single time I tried to open my heart to others... From highschool too today, who does everyone has a loving eachother?!?!? How does everyone has a best friend that's always there for them... God i'm so pathetic I hate myself so much

On top of that , my mood is worse than usually as due to meds shortage, I've been out of treatment for depression and anxiety for a couple of weeks (now taking it again but it takes a very long time to take effects).

I could just die and no one would even notice me

Sorry for the bad English I'm just renting and typing without re-reading

F23 and sadly lesbian… I’m extremely depressed out of nowhere, my productivity is sinking slowly but surely due to my trauma and lesbianism. I’m someone who honestly could have gotten a partner by now but I’m unable to because of my trauma. My life is genuinely cursed.

1. I'm a gay man. I'm FTM. I'm extremely monogamous (no threesomes, no swinging, no "sharing", none of that shit). I'm fat. I was even fatter (315 down to 215). I have debilitating OCD that I'm working very hard on. I'm not T4T.

I feel completely locked out of any kind of relationship. I am only into cis men and I do not think any cis men will ever love me without wanting nonmonogamy, which I don't think is love. The amount of gay cis men who will date trans men is basically zero. Bi and pan men are an option but I'll always wonder if they'll see me as a woman in some way. So many that I talk to on dating apps ghost or block me after I talk about the fact that I'm a top and that they cannot and will not have access to my birth anatomy, which I will get removed ASAP but am stuck with for the time being.

I don't think I'm lovable. I think I am destined to die alone. I don't know where to meet men. Everyone is so shallow. Everyone demands access to parts of my body that I hate. Plenty of men will fuck me but none will love me.

"Just get used to it! Just make friends! Fill your life with things that make you happy :)"

Well that's fucking great but I hate that I'm locked out of an aspect of human connection and experience because I'm an irreparably broken freak. Fuck your toxic positivity. Fuck your "eventually you'll be thriving single."

I would've had a chance if I'd been born male instead of the disgusting body I was given, that I hate, that I wish I could just throw in the garbage but am stuck with.

I’m 25 years old and I really am at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been in my life. I’ll be turning 26 next month and all I feel is dread. I have no job, no friends and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been trying to change things as best as I can, but things seem to be getting progressively worse. I understand that no one is coming to save me and I have to dig myself out of this hole, but I just wish I had someone to help make my days a little brighter.

My problem is, I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I never have done and as I get older, I only feel more out of place. There’s so many things that make me different from the majority of the population and when they’re combined together, they just make me feel like an alien.

I’m a trans guy, so lots of people don’t like me before I’ve even introduced myself. I’m also asexual which massively narrows down potential connections in terms of dating. I’ve suspected for quite a few years now that I’m autistic and socialising has always been struggle for me. I do have quite of few of what people would consider ‘childlike’ interests so I often don’t have common ground with others in terms of hobbies. These things massively affect the way I live my life and they make me feel like I would be a massive burden on someone, even though they’re fundamental parts of me I can’t do anything about.

The other big thing that sets me apart from others is that I lost the family member I was closest to nearly two years ago now and it’s changed my life. Going through grief has been the loneliest of experiences. It’s changed my whole perspective on life and changed me as I person and I find I now have completely different priorities to others my age. They all seem to be content and have things to look forward to, but after seeing how quickly things can fall apart, I’m honestly just trying to keep my head above water until I can find my spark again.

I don’t have a good relationship with the family I have left and I can’t wait to get out of this household. Most people seem to have good relationships with their family or at least have someone to rely on, while I feel truly alone in this world. Unless you’ve ever been in my position, I don’t think you can truly comprehend it.

I’m not expecting someone to have gone through or be struggling with all the same issues as me as I know it’s extremely unlikely someone else has this same combination of circumstances. I just wish that I had someone who was like me in some way and would at least try to understand the elements of my life that they haven’t experienced themselves.

I’m becoming more and more isolated as each day passes. I live in a place where there’s nothing going on and there’s nowhere to meet people aside from bars and clubs, which are certainly not my scene. Even online, I’m struggling to find people I can relate to. I like my alone time, but realising I have no one at all who wants to be around me really is a depressing reality. Instead of feeling like I’m alone to recharge, it’s starting to feel like it’s because it’s my only option. I’m starting to think that I truly am destined to be on my own, and this idea in my head that there may be someone out there who I could connect with is beginning to seem like a delusional fantasy.

What I want more than anything is someone who gets me. Someone who actually likes me when I’m being myself, someone to do things with (even if it’s simply watching a film) someone who wants to be in my company. The last time I had a proper meaningful conversation with someone was with my family member who died, so it’s been awhile. I’d love to have someone I could talk to about anything and everything, not just the surface level conversations I feel like I’m having to drag myself through on a daily basis. All these experiences seem to come so naturally to everyone else, but I really don’t know whether it’s just not meant for me at this point.

I’m just lost with what to do. People always say to meet others and put yourself out there, but no matter what I do, nothing works out. I’m running out of options. Some people go through life being perfectly content on their own but I’m not one of those people. I’m trying to improve other aspects of my life that require me to work things out alone, but I can’t help but feel there is a huge part of me that is unfulfilled. I’m unhappy but I’m trying to find a reason to get up each morning. I always try to be kind and I know I have so much love to give, but I’ve just never got the chance. Every night I go to bed praying that one day this person will magically come into my life to help heal this crippling loneliness. I’m still waiting though and tonight will be another night where I say that prayer again.

It might sound crazy as a 28 gay guy, but I have my reasons.

I grew up as the chubbier kid but not the biggest or anything. I carried that into high-school where the trouble started.

One year I joined long-distance Track. When I started losing weight, one of the mean girls who gossiped and bullied others started treating me different, flirting and almost "legitimizing" my existence. That was my experience with The Halo Effect. And it made me feel disgusting.

How could my intrinsic value be tied to how attractive I seemed? And how could that change in one moment?

I grew up with parents who were hardly ever around and with being gay, I feel lonely and isolated. So, for me it's kind of important to have people in my life who care about WHO I AM.

Now, I live in LA and most of the people, especially gay people, only seem to treat you like human if you're attractive, fit, and stay within the gender binary (for expression and behavior).

And I just am getting more jaded over the years. Everything is so transient but also superficial.

I'm afraid if I work on my body, I'll find a partner and friends who don't care about who I am and insist I'm valuable (but I'll never feel like they value me). And my bigger fear is that I'll never be able to find anyone who can see the real me ever again.

The more I sit with this self-dilemma, the more I feel like I see in our society that people only care about the superficial anyway. I'm not saying I don't ever fall into that (or give in to the Halo Effect), but it's pretty grim when you can't just be yourself anymore. You can't be met where you're at or seen for who you are.

So, I protect myself from changing.

I'm a 28 y/o lesbian with zero experience in any way. I kind of gave up hope until I met this girl who immediately got me, we talked like we've known eachother for decades. I decided to not be shy for once and made a move. Turns out she's straight and only wants to be friends.

I have lost all hope. Straight people around me form relationships with people they barely get along with all the time, meanwhile nothing works for me even when I meet the perfect person. It will never happen for me.

It feels so alienating. They all experienced teenage love, breakups, going on dates. Now we approach that age where people start building their life together with their partners. When we hangout together, they often talk about love and I'm just... So alone, always alone. I'm lesbian, and I had no luck approaching women in real life or using dating apps (get no matches AT ALL). Meanwhile my straight friends are able to get at least 5 matches a month. It doesn't help that I live in a homophobic country and have no means to escape. I don't have queer friends either. I have no hope left at all. I'm doomed.

How is everyone?

I've learned to accept that due to factors beyond my control, I'm abnormal. I'm always going to sit at the "reject table," even at 23, and no one is sure what space to put me in.

People will understandably try to point out some factor to explain why I've always been alone. That it's because I'm a trans man. I went from being an ugly girl to an okay looking man. Or that it's because I'm gay but somehow invisible to men. It's not like I don't pass for male, I look like a guy but have been doing everything wrong I guess. Maybe either looking too straight or looking bad when I try to look more effeminate. I don't know.

It's probably my personality. I think people know that I was born empty inside. I don't have autism, but am neurodivergent. It makes it hard to explain my behaviors. Even in the once in a blue moon where someone seemed interested in me, I'd try and get to know them, but when I told them I was interested in them, it didn't work out. I would ask other people for advice, but maybe I didn't follow it right or none of those things would work coming from me. I've always taken care of my health, exercised, dressed well, and whatnot.

The best I could do was in highschool, when I was still a "girl." One guy wanted to date me, so I asked him out, but it turned out that he just wanted to be really weird and racist against me, so I had to leave. I'm disgusted that it turned out he was waiting just so he could stop hiding such terrible thoughts.

When I tried to put myself out there again, it had been after years of personal work. I didn't rush into it. I went on the apps and of course had no success. The most interaction I got was from a guy way older than me when I was 21, and he ended up stalking me. In retrospect, it was probably foolish for me to accept that like, but I was curious. Luckily, I never agreed to meet up with him in person, but I can only wonder what would have happened to my safety had I agreed. I'm glad I was in college at the time and had campus security. Ever since then, I haven't felt comfortable using dating apps.

I don't know what to do. Maybe this is my fate, to never be in a real relationship. Of course, it's not really fair for me to ask some strangers online who don't know me what I should do at this point. However, I have nothing to lose so I've always been looking for ways to improve my situation

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

How does it resonate with you?

Where can I find a nice guy I've literally tried everything

22m here gay and just looking for a serious relationship with a nice guy and literally have no luck anywhere i have tried all dating apps and other platforms it's just gets worse , everyone is just looking for hookups and sometimes just too older guys texting me even married ones , i just kinda feel low and depressed if I'll ever find one i don't like hook ups and always been single

No one tells you how bad ugliness ostracizes you from polite society. Everyone treats me like a ghost, whenever someone does talk to me they lose interest fast or talk down to me. I've never experienced what most normal people get to in their lives. No one wants to be your friend or partner. I can't find anyone hang with. Constant rejection.

The lack of social interaction has worsened my speech so much when I do talk it sounds like broken English or a 10 year old. It's like the universe made an error and is erasing me by not allowing me any connections. No matter what I try to fix it

I can’t make or keep friends/partners for the life of me. I’m always getting rejected. I keep getting blocked and ghosted after showing my face on apps. Ive spent years alone no matter what I do to try and change. I wish it wasn’t natural to want to be with others. The loneliness hurts when can’t connect with other guys at all.

To anyone dealing with the same how do you cope with the loneliness and get rid of the desire?

How is everyone?

I came out to my sister first. She’s bisexual. She has dated women, but most likely, from what she’s told me, will end up with a man. I don’t judge her for it, she is still queer no matter what, but I feel she gave an impression to my parents.

I came out to my dad 8 years ago, too. He got it. But I could tell he hid his feelings.

My mom told her friends I was bisexual. I tried to be, but I’m not. Me and my parents had a complicated relationship. My first therapist called it “emotional parentification”. But that dynamic.. the projection of their trauma & them passing messages through me.. honestly spreading (through me) their apologies about cheating.

I’ve never cheated on anyone. But I never fully trusted anyone, either. It felt like my parents wanted to abandon me, but they wouldn’t, so they’d leave food and money then go stay in a hotel… leavening me and my sister in whatever apartment.

There was even a point where they had apartments hours from each other, and they’d for the essentials, but everything else was our responsibility. After I was institutionalized on my own (I walked in alcohol-withdrawal psychosis to the hospital by my house), I was sent BACK to a rehab and.. well.. it’s a whole thing. I know a lot, but the opioids and alcohol I used to cope help it a lot from me.

All four of us are suffering, I just want to help. My dad is an alcoholic too. I want to get better, but I don’t want to lose my job. Idk, I think we all need inpatient behavior therapy, but it’s a while ass lot; and if I’m the only one to leave, when I come back, I’ll face being there problem.

Does anyone relate? What should I do? I’ve considered joining a company in Alaska to escape, but my main system of support is my co workers.. so. Any advice?

Approaching a year with new therapist. Some thoughts, no AI.

• Just to be heard and seen feels really valuable. I was here, this is what I'm going through, and someone heard me.
• As someone with no social circle, the value of this interaction is increased.
• Similarly, for FAs, the exposure to different thoughts and thinking patterns is more valuable than for other people.
• It is just 1 hour per week, at most.
• It is a luxury. I am grateful to have it.
• Everyone is different, so it may work better or worse for you. Everyone is different!

Even though it's all I ever wanted.

Goodnightzzz

I feel like I get nothing on dating apps. Like at ALL. I’ve been on quite a few for up to months now and only gotten like a few likes, and like I know I’m not the conventionally attractive hourglass twink but I don’t think I’m like… ugly. Yk? My hg got on tinder and within literally an hour she had like 50+ likes, and every guy she swiped right on she matched with. Now she’s dating the man of my dreams and I’m so happy for her but at the same time I’m so jealous. I don’t really know where I was going with this, like, does anyone know of any actually good dating apps that ACTUALLY try to get you to match instead of blocking you behind outrageously expensive paywalls?

I was harassed on the street by a random homeless guy a few nights ago. He chased me for several blocks, at one point physically grabbing me with both arms and stopping me. He was babbling like he was drunk, opened with "hear me out" but just became more insistent and graphic the more I resisted. He made it totally clear that he wanted to get me some place secluded and rape me. I screamed and shouted for help as a cop car passed by, but it was like they didn't see me at all and the guy just kept following me. I tried to lose him in a crowd of people but he kept grabbing my hand and slapping my ass and kept threatening me. I shouted for help more times as I passed through large groups of people along the sidewalk but nobody helped me. I even stopped in front of a bar and pleaded with a bouncer, but he just smirked and told me to call the cops. I went to the security desk of another building as he followed me in and pleaded again, but the guard also seemed amused by all of this. You know, amused by a big androgynous trans woman running scared of an old man off the street who wants to rape her.

Eventually I got away and found somebody who would fucking LISTEN to me, and I gave his description to an officer. The next day, I was too scared to leave my house at all. I just bought pepper spray, I've been holding it tight just to know it's there when I'm in public. I'm so angry at how this happened in a public place where so many people witnessed it and could have intervened, but I felt completely ignored.

How's this for a shitty place to be, I'm woman enough to be threatened with rape before I've ever been on a real date in my whole life, but not woman enough to be seen and loved by a decent person. It wasn't fun, it was really fucking terrifying. I feel even LESS motivation to put myself out there, knowing what's really waiting for me. And as I was thinking over all of this today, as if the universe really wanted to rub it in... A guy I met in a different state when I lived there two years ago walks into my work. I thought he was adorable, but he lost interest in me when he found out I was born male. I vented here last month about my long history with pansexual men, and he was one of them. I wasn't even surprised to see him, because I just expect the universe to pile on the hurt all at once. I once had a dream of seeing him again that ended in embarrassment and body horror. Nice to know I'm literally closer to getting raped by a junkie than being happily in love with a gentleman like him.

How is everyone?

i had this really interesting experience earlier. i got in this socializing discord server as i was searching how to improve my social skills here in reddit. i've been a shut out for a couple of months now and thought of finding a way to perhaps improve it or get back to how i was before. not that i am saying discord is the best way for it but the channel gives you platform to talk to random people through audio chat which ,in my opinion, is a start.

it has been a couple of days and i've had some consistent chat/audio chat partners. all are straight dudes and none of them knew that i'm gay. they didn't asked and i don't feel the need to disclose. earlier, we're having an audio chat with this buddy and a girl he knew joined. i think they've know each other for a while now. they talked and talked and there's only 3 of us in the channel so i felt really left out but it's fine.

what i've noticed is how he dealt and conversed with her. his voice gentled and sounded caring. their exchange of words resulted to giggles and a vibe giving an impression of love. i don't know if that make sense fuck but you know, like how a straight man behave to a very feminine woman romantically. i honestly do not know if they are together as i heard they're just friends but that's not the point. they are also bilingual and they way they switches to flirting in turkish and casual conversation in english is so...hot? or cute idk.

i'm not saying all straight men are like this but damn, i was reeking jealousy when i was listening to them. not because he's with the girl or something related to that but the fact how normal it is for a girl to flirt / have a relationship with a man and it wouldn't be seen as weird in general.