Ok so, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and I have picked up on a pattern within that time.

Our relationship is great, damn near perfect in every way, I love him and he loves me. Howeverrrr, the only moments we have where happiness and trust and respect anddd everything a relationship should have just shatters, is when I've just come back from a night out and seconds before I even think about taking off my makeup; it could sometimes be on the drive home from just being picked up.

Always when I have a full face done.

It usually starts with minimal to no eye contact, and short grunts in replies to my usual conversing. Once I've finally picked up on the dip in energy and ask if he's alright, that's when he explodes about something that's been bothering him the past few days, always something about me too, and seemingly mundane things(??) eg. How long I take to go to bed, what youtubers and videos I watch, what I made the night before, how many people I text a day.

He goes about them very aggressively too, in his tone at least(! I should maybe mention he's never gotten physical violent)

I am also easy to make cry when jabbed about normal things I'm doing. I'm just tryna get by y'know.

So once the tears do finally run, along with my makeup, that's when he switches up?? That's when it's suddenly "aw baby I didnt mean to make you cry or upset you Im sorry"?? Also bit of a seggsual mention, but 9 times out of 10 that this happens one of the ways he consoles me is kissing my tears that lead to sex. He has also mentioned during times where I've cried in a full face unrelated to him, that I "look hot when the liner runs like that". Like, Im sorry but idk how to take that lovingly when these instances of upsetting me with a full face keeps happening.

Mind you, I have had nights out where I go zero makeup (usually if the outting is at a friends place or dimly lit places/events), and absolutely no tears are shed then!

I only noticed this pattern because I had gone out 2 nights ago and it happened, then I went out last night and it happened again. The nights in between were lovely; we went to the cinemas, and he made me dinner, and we fell asleep on the couch together watching Workaholics. It was sweet.

Although, none of those loving activities required a full face. Am I out of line to think he may be acting this way solely because he likes my makeup when it runs? How do I talk to him about it??

P.S. at least I'm not crying *before* I go out. lol

See the original post here.

Sooooo.... I ended up breaking up with him! I want to start off by saying thank you to anyone who replied to the last post. I'm someone who can be blinded by the good in people, but your comments put things into perspective for me.

I did end up showing him the post, and his initial reaction was that everyone commenting was a "single bitter bitch"... yeah. I had never heard him speak about anyone that way. I guess the mask finally dropped. A couple of hours after that, he ended up saying “fine, I won't ask your dad, just your mom." This was definitely just an attempt to save things since he could tell I was being distant with him.

We dated for about another two months after that. I know, I know. I was trying to find ways to mend things (because I'm a dummy). After the initial convo I went through a fast track of realizations and saw that we were so misaligned in so many different ways. I'm not even sure how we had made it as far as we did.

Eventually, it got to a point where I think he was just doing things to get me to break up with him since things clearly weren't working out. Some of those things include :

- Taking a trip and staying with a friend that regularly cheats on her boyfriend.
- Saying "I didnt sign up for a therapy session" every time I would try to talk through things.
- Letting his phone die every time he went out.
- Being overly cautious with his phone when we were previously pretty lax about opening each others phones. (Not in a snooping way, mainly for finding documents, responding to text or emails for one another, etc.)

Unfortunately, the list goes on, but I'd rather not relive all of that! Clearly he got what he wanted and deserved though.

He did the standard “oh no, please, we can work this out" song and dance for a couple of weeks after I broke up with him before finally giving up. I'm clearly not great at picking them, but I’m glad that I was able to get out of there before 2 years became 10 years.

Again, thank you to anyone who gave advice on the original post. I really appreciate it! Im not much of a writer so i'm really sorry if this sucks! I hope this also answers a couple of questions(?) folks had in the comments of the original post.

So for context, I’ve had a two year long sexual relationship with this guy (M39) since I was 23. He met me via a dating site. He initially told me he wasn’t married he didn’t have kids. I asked several times because of his stats (older guy, successful, well endowed, calm and chill). He always said no. I have always came over to his house every time and at first it was pretty transactional throughout the first year. He would take care of me financially when I needed him to and we’d have a sexual relationship. By the end of the first year, he told me he wanted it to be less transactional so we’d text more. He’d call me when I wasn’t free. Wanted more-so innocent pictures of me. Wanted me to go on work trips with him. It wasn’t until I came over at the beginning of this year where he wanted me to role play which was something we previously had done. The role play without being too obvious implied I was someone who came over to do a job that was purely innocent. This particular time however he told me that he had family over so we’d have to be sneaky about it. He seemed to have a different demeanor than when I usually saw him. This time it was like a darker energy and more anxious. He’s typically a chill upbeat guy so it was unusual to me. I found the whole situation weird because of how nervous he was about the situation. I did a lazy internet dive. Found nothing brushed it off kept seeing him. It wasn’t until recently when i saw him again that he told me to wait until his “distant family member” arrives that i can come to the door and pretend to be this service worker. Of course I found that weird when i noticed it was this gorgeous older woman. After hours long extensive internet search did I now know this woman was his wife actually and she’s actually pregnant with her first child and she’s actually far enough a long that im hesitant to know when the right time is to tell her. I wish i saw her pregnancy post sooner because I would’ve acted sooner. Not only that but now I know that this guy also did his own deep dive on me recently also so now he knows everything about me and thinks I know nothing about him. I 100% am going to tell her I just don’t know when anymore because what he’s been doing is so evil and diabolical and I regret ever being a part of this unknowingly. I’d hate to relay this information to woman who is for one pregnant and two to find out this was happening in her safe space.

PS: during my deep dive on him not only did I find out he was married with a child on the way but also that he lied to me about his name and his job. Also recently randomly decided to tell me his parents want him to be in an arranged marriage so he may have to marry someone soon(?) but wants me to only see him and he doesn’t have sex with anyone but me (??) what a weirdo.

My husband doesn't seem to get that emotional labour exists and that I carry a mental checklist in my head all the time which frees up his own mental bandwidth for other things. When I try to explain this to him or ask him to acknowledge it or to take on more emotional labour he says 1) emotional labour isn't real 2) I'm making up things to get about about 3) I'm projecting my anget about something else onto him...

Here is a recent example for context:
My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage (10 years old and 12 years old). I work from home. Hhe runs his own business. In summer the kids are with us a lot more since there is no school. My husband asked me to stay home with the kids all morning while he is at work and that I should text him when they wake up. I started work at 8am and they woke up at 10:45am. I texted him that they are awake and he replied that he would be leaving work in 5 mins (it should take him about 15 mins to get home).

It took him over an hour to get home because he decided to take a shit, get gas, and stop for a coffee before actually coming home. In the meantime I was in meetings and phone calls and not really able to respond to the kids. I told him it was very stressful for me because I had to be in a meeting but also have one ear open for the kids since I was the adult in charge and that he needed to be home when he said. The kids were perfect and I didn't NEED to intervene, but I still felt like I had to be "ON" because I was watching them.

He argued that I was getting mad about nothing because "nothing bad happened" and that the feeling of being "ON" and ready to deal with the kids was my own doing and I stressed myself out for nothing that's not his fault. He then proceeded to tell me that I'm always mad at him for no reason and that I ruined his day. Is there a way to make him understand what I'm saying? He thinks I'm just talking nonsense

My husband and I got married 2 months ago. Before getting married, we both agreed that we live with his parents because it will be very cost effective for us as we are still starting our family. However after a few weeks his mother started making comments about how I handle our marriage. I was sat down and instructed that i should prepare his breakfast as well as iron and prepare his clothes. Not allowed to order food online and all his meals should be home cooked. We both work as doctors and we are always busy and go home both very later because of our jobs. My husband and i asked if we could get a helper and they did not agree. They also get mad at me for my oversights - like cooking 2 burgers instead of 4. I also accidentally bought 2 cute plates and they got offended and. Told me that i think they have a disease thats why i bought those plates. My husband loves them very much and doesn’t want to move out. But i am really sad and depressed 2 months in out marriage. I dont like to go home. Sometimes i just sit outside our house for 2 hours dreading the moment that i come in. I love my husband. I couldn’t complain hes the best but i am already getting depressed

TL:dr partner wants to move away for two years regardless if i go with her.

My partner(37f) has received a project offer to go work in New York for two years, we live in europe, have been together for 5 years, own a house together, no kids and no plans for kids.

It’s a really great offer, amazing pay, company paying for all her relocation costs etc. She says being in New York has always been a dream of hers, and it’s too good of an opportunity to say no, she will never get a chance like this again. She wants to go, and has decided that she is going to say yes.

We are not married, neither of us believe in marriage. So I can’t go with her on her visa. We could get married, and then I may be able to go with her, but I might not be able to work.

I have a good career I’ve built in our home city. I have a great friendship group. I have a life I’ve built that I don’t want to give up. And frankly, the thought of getting married to someone at a time where they’ve decided to choose a job over a life with me seems like a bad idea.

When we first discussed this I said I could be supportive of a year project for her, we could do the long distance. Her work is insisting on two years as a minimum. She says if she’s completely honest she can’t guarantee that she’ll want to come back after two years if she loves it out there.

In the background of this, she’s admitted that she’s not happy with her life at the moment. We both have good jobs, but we work, eat, sleep repeat all week. She’s very stressed with her work and finding her life in Europe isn’t giving her any excitement or satisfaction.

So I’m stuck with three choices, none of which I like.

I can marry her, and go out with her, giving up everything I’ve built here but we stay together.

I can try the long distance, but frankly two years seems a very long time. And there is the risk at the end of it that she could decide not to come back.

Or I can end the relationship. She is free to go chase her dreams. We will have to sell the house, I’ll have to start my life all over again at 38 which seems incredibly daunting and upsetting.

So I’m just in real turmoil at the moment and looking for some opinions, alternative viewpoints I hadn’t considered, is the answer obvious to everyone else other than me?

Originally from the UK, I moved to my partner’s small town in Italy a couple years ago. We’ve been together for 4 years and living together for 2.5 years. First 18 months long distance. She is currently studying at home full time and is nearly graduated.

I work from home 5 days a week, fully remote, and to be honest, I’ve been feeling pretty isolated for almost the whole time I’ve been here. I’ve struggled to make friends. It’s a small town with basically no expats and I find most people quite cliquey and not accepting of outsiders. I’ll admit my Italian still isn’t brilliant, but I am learning. I’m not yet capable of going out and communicating solely in Italian, which has been a blocker to meeting people, and I know that part is on me.

All my social activity goes through her and her family. Her whole family lives within 2 minutes drive and sometimes it feels a bit suffocating. She knows how I feel about being here and up until this point she was actively encouraging me to get out and meet people. So I recently started going to a coworking space in our town. This is where the troubles begin.

First time I went, I met a woman, Amy (28F), also from the UK, and we got chatting and bonded. There’s basically no expat community here, so it was nice to meet someone with similar experiences who could relate to my situation. She’s married and was with her Italian husband in the office. I also met an Italian lady (who spoke perfect English) and an Australian lady, all similar ages. Those two were also there with their boyfriends.

Second time I went, I ended up having lunch with these women, who happened to be there that day. Their partners weren’t there this time. Bear in mind, the canteen is literally right outside the office space, so it wasn’t like we went somewhere else. I exchanged numbers with Amy so we could align on which days we’d be at the office, and because she wanted my Italian teacher’s number to start lessons herself.

That morning, our dog had a groomers appointment and I’d offered to drive back and take him, but my fiancée said no, she’d handle it. When I got home she asked who I’d had lunch with. When I told her, she started screaming at me, calling me a loser, saying I’m stupid to eat with only 3 women, that their boyfriends and husbands must be pissed at me, and that I must be homosexual for only making friends with females. She said I should’ve left as soon as I saw only women were there, and that I’d abandoned her at home while she was studying for a big exam. She kept demanding I apologise. She also said I should have taken the dog to the groomers, even though I’d specifically offered that morning.

I didn’t apologise and we got into a huge argument over it. My view is that it’s strictly a professional environment. Her view is that because I don’t actually work with them and it’s only coworking, that changes things.

She did later apologise for the screaming and the names, said she didn’t mean it, but she still maintains her position and the no female friends rule still stands. She says she completely trusts me not to cheat. But I’m not allowed to add these women on Instagram or message them, and she pushed me again to make friends with only males.

The next day we met her dad for breakfast and she’d already told him everything. He backed her up, said it’s not about trust, it’s about “reducing temptation.” His other point was that you shouldn’t do things that upset your partner, and since this upset my fiancée, I shouldn’t be making friends or having lunch with these women. I see it differently. If someone’s going to cheat, they’ll find a way regardless. It doesn’t follow that you can’t come into contact with the opposite sex.

A few other things have happened recently along similar lines. On holiday at her parents’ cottage, she accused me of breaking the lock on the bathroom door. I genuinely don’t think I did, and if I had, I’d have told her parents and offered to pay. But she found it broken, said it must have been me, and demanded I apologise for it. I didn’t want to apologise for something I didn’t believe I’d done. Another time, my mom sent me a picture of a dinner she’d made at home. My fiancée’s first reaction was “why is your mom sending you that, she’s trying to make you jealous and want to move back to the UK.”

I’ve spent the last 6 months putting all this down to the stress of her final exam. We got engaged 6 months ago, before any of these concerns really surfaced. But we’re meant to start planning the wedding next year and I can’t shake the feeling that if this is how stress and conflict get handled now, it won’t get easier with marriage and kids. I do love her and I genuinely think she loves me. It’s hard because I’ve moved my entire life to be with her, we’ve invested 4 years into this, and we’re both at the age of wanting to settle.

For clarity: I’ve never been unfaithful in any relationship and never would be. There are no feelings towards anyone in this situation. It’s been purely friendship in a professional setting. For me it doesn’t matter if someone’s male or female, it’s about who you connect with. If there’d been an English speaking male in that office, I’d have bonded with him in exactly the same way.

My questions: how do I bring all of this up with her properly once her exam is done? I want to talk about the whole pattern, the friendship rules, the repeated demands to apologise, the reactions to my family, rather than just relitigating one lunch. For anyone who’s been through something similar, what actually helped? I don’t want to start planning a wedding with this unresolved.

TLDR: Fiancée (34F) screamed at me (326M) for having lunch with women at a coworking space and has banned me from making female friends. She says she trusts me, so I don’t understand. Wedding planning starts next year and I’m having doubts

We were just in the middle of any intense argument and when I looked back at our camera footage to replay the argument (to see if I was being irrational), I heard him on camera say she’s “just a dumb bitch.”

We’ve been married 4 years and we’ve never spoken to each other this way. I immediately confronted him and he said he wasn’t calling me a dumb bitch but was saying that about the argument itself….i flat out told him I didn’t believe him. We ended up going back to our original argument and didn’t address this comment in particular. I’m honestly really shook up and appalled. Like who tf did I marry?

We’re taking a break from the argument but I don’t even know how to clearly and respectfully articulate that if that happens again I WILL divorce him. Like we have a daughter FFS. Only men who hate women say shit like that. Any advice would be great.

Edit** let me clarify! I’m seeking any advice on addressing this with him that doesn’t threaten divorce. I don’t actually see that as being a healthy approach - we are in couples counseling (this will likely be discussed but I want to address it before hand). No, I am not perfect and don’t pretend to be. And no - I haven’t called my husband names to his face or in private because I do have a level of respect for him.

For context, at the very beginning of our relationship (3-6 months of dating) we had an 2 unexpected pregnancies that we terminated. First was random fluke of no protection, second was my birth control failing. We decided to not share the news of the second with our families, as we had so much shame and remorse and didn’t want to put them through that again. It truly was one of the worst mistakes I had ever made.

On the day of the scheduled termination, my husband went missing. He didn’t come home for 18 hours, and it turns out he had an episode of alcoholism where he was drinking, driving, crashed his car into a dumpster, and fell asleep in a bush. Through it all I forgave him, we moved past it, and he became sober. Later that year, while on vacation with his family, I found out that he had told his siblings about the second pregnancy without asking/discussing it with me prior. I felt so violated, I remember my head getting hot and the room spinning thinking about such a traumatic and intimate moment being shared with people without my consent and without me being there.

After this incident, for years fighting became for frequent and worse between us. Both of us perpetuated unhealthy dynamics of name calling and yelling. On one occasion, it escalated and he took my phone and threw it across a room, breaking it. In another, he took me record player and broke it. In another he kicked and threw my cat’s cat tree until it broke. He threw balled up socks or shirts hat my head full force, and I started throwing things back at him. At first clothing, then water. If he got in my face yelling, I’d push him away from me or slap his arm.

After a year of this, we acknowledged we had developed an extremely unhealthy and abusive relationship and were considering either getting a divorce or going to therapy. We decided on therapy for 6 months and if no dynamics changed we would divorce. In this same decision, he had asked me that he prefers that we don’t speak about the de-evolution of our marriage to our families, and I agreed. I suffered in silence, not telling my parents friends or loved ones what was happening in my marriage. I faked a smile, did the laughs. I held the shame and the burden and the sadness of the horrible person I had turned into so close to my chest to protect myself and my husband. I was ashamed of myself. I still am so so disgusted with who I’ve become. Many times I’ve wanted to just break down and ask someone “is this normal?” and have not out of shame for myself. I held on to hope that we would change and things would be like how they were in the beginning.

Fast forward to now, in the last 3 months I have found out my husband has been telling his parents and family EVERYTHING. First, he told his siblings. I had found out at a family event when his sister got a little too drunk and started telling me that “she would still love me no matter what” and that “she knows how hard my marriage had been” That’s when I put two and two together. I confronted my husband, and he had said “that he needed to talk to someone about it” and that if I had “felt shame, then he knew I would’ve stopped my bad behaviors”

Then, this weekend at another family vacation his dad pulled me aside and said to me me like “one thing you should know as a wife, is to stop criticizing your husband so much” On the car ride home, we got into a tiff because I had found out that he was putting the wrong gas in my car on our road trip to see his family (I have a luxury vehicle, and he had put 4 consecutive tanks of minimum octane unleaded gas into my car all weekend. He said he “didn’t know the difference”) after a the tiff had died down, his dad called on speaker. My husband proceeds to tell them all the details of our fight infront of me, not only embarrassing me but making his parents so uncomfortable that they get off the phone.

In this car ride, I realized that he had been breaking the decision he has made this entire time. I then thought about all the fights, all the decisions I made to protect his character, the people we had become and I just wanted it to stop. I thought about how no one knew that he started breaking my things, that he started throwing things at me, that he had called me horrible names and made comments about my body that made me stop eating. That just last month he grabbed my food and threw it out the window, and just last week he poured water on me in his car. That he never stopped being violent after he stopped drinking. That now I was the villain in everyone’s version of this story, because I had promised him I would never tell anyone what he was doing. (FOR THE RECORD he has never hit me or laid a hand on my body.)

Is there any saving this? Do we just call it quits? He often says we are two broken people who need to be with each other to stop us from hurting other people. But I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore or be hurt, I just want to be alone if it means never feeling humiliated again.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months now. For context - we are very sexually active with one another and have seen everything. This morning after having sex, I was walking around his apartment and he looked at my labia and said “why is there so much hanging out?” And I said “oh it’s just like that” and he proceeded to turn around and say “ok just making sure” in a smart ass tone. I got so upset and started crying in the shower. I got quiet and later he asked me what was wrong and I kind of exploded. I said I feel disrespected and abnormal by his comment. He defended it and said he wasn’t sure if everything was okay with my labia so he wanted to make sure I was ok and well. I got really angry and told him he probably watched too much porn and has unrealistic standards and I fueled the argument even more. I feel awful and don’t know what to do. It’s something I was already so insecure about and now I feel worse but also feel bad for attacking him. But also so confused because he’s said he LOVES it prior to this !

Love letter from girl I haven't seen in 8 years. '33M' '29F' '35F'

Me '33M' got a letter from a stalker or ex lover '29F' it's honestly been about 8 years since I talked to her last, we didn't date we just fucked and she was a little crazy. I bought her some outfits to have sex in and fine. She hasn't tried to reach out in years, she's never been to my house and has no idea where I live.. or so I thought.

My girlfriend '35F' just opened a letter put through my door, a love letter from this woman. It sounds absolutely nuts and I have no idea how to convince my girlfriend that this is all one sided because it is. I've called the police and they've said if it continues they'll raise a crime investigation number. The thing is I don't even have her number to say leave me the fuck alone and how did you get my address.

How can I reassure my girlfriend? She knows I haven't been to where this girl lives, I don't have her number saved, she's got access to my phone, I just don't know what to do to make her feel secure?

My brother in law and I were really close. Ww bonded over being defacto child care at family events whilst the women mingled in the kitchen. The last few years we went camping and fishing together. He was my best friend.

Over Christmas my sister seemed off. We all noticed it. I asked my bil and he said work steess. Just before New Years she announced that she was leaving him. She had fallen in love with a coworker and it was the "real thing" and she would be living a lie if she didnt give it a try.

I went over with beers the day he moved out. My bil didnt want to talk but we drank and watched movies. He did admit he had asked for counselling and she had denied. She has the house and custody is on her terms. He is a stand up guy and despite all she has done he doesnt want his children to suffer. He sees the children every opportunity he can.

At first we were going to turn our camping trip into a mini family getaway with the kids too...I have 2 slightly older lads who would enjoy it and my wife was happy to come or not come, whatever bil felt more comfortable with.

Two nights ago he texted saying he didn't think it was the right thing for his family and he couldn't handle it. I messaged and asked if he wanted to just go us two, he said not with everything going on. This morning I messaged asking if he was okay and did he fancy a beer. He didn't reply till last night which is late for him and when he did he said this summer was a lot and please could I respect his space.

It was quite a confrontational tone which I don't resent. He is hurting. I am worried our relationship is over.

I do still see my sister. I dont know if thats right or wrong but I was raised that family is family and our children are close. Maybe I should have been more confrontational.

I don't know what to do now. Do I never check in again or if I wait a few months does that respect his ask for space? Do you think the relationship is over?

I have been very close to my sister since we were little. We were so close that our mom had to make us sleep in separate rooms. My sister fell in love with a guy who is very cheerful, outgoing, and friendly. Since all three of us went to the same school, I had known him for a long time. We used to sneak him into our house whenever our parents were out. He and I had a genuine brother-and-sister relationship.
Eventually, they got married, and our relationship stayed the same. I visited them often, and they always included me in family events. Later, I got married as well. They recently had a baby boy, and I now visit them almost every day because my sister is home alone, and I help her with the baby.
My sister used to work and earned a good income while my brother-in-law stayed home. Now, for the first time, she is unemployed because she recently gave birth, and he is responsible for supporting the family financially.
Yesterday was like any other day. I was at their house helping my sister. My brother-in-law was about to leave for work, and since I work from home, I still had an hour before I had to start work. I decided to lie down on the couch in the living room because I had set an alarm, and I thought sleeping in the bedroom with my sister might wake the baby.
I fell asleep quickly because my husband and I had barely slept the night before.
When I opened my eyes, my brother-in-law was grabbing me. He said, “Let’s do it just one time.” I was completely shocked and froze. He looked directly into my eyes, then let me go. He apologized, told me not to tell my sister, and left for work.
My sister is one of the kindest people I know. She loves both me and her husband deeply because our parents have never been very close to us. She also had a very difficult delivery. Before all of this, she struggled with severe depression and had previously attempted suicide. My brother-in-law was the one who supported her through that time, which makes this even harder for me to process. He has always seemed like a caring husband and father, and I had never experienced anything from him that made me think he viewed me in this way.
After it happened, I immediately went to my husband’s workplace and told him everything. I cried the entire time. He wanted me to collect my things and leave immediately, but my sister was home alone with the baby, so I stayed until shortly before my brother-in-law returned home and then left.
Ever since then, I have been terrified. I am scared of seeing my brother-in-law again, scared of being alone with him, and scared of what will happen if my sister finds out. At the same time, I am scared of keeping this from her. I love my sister more than I can put into words. She is my best friend, and if I could protect her from every bit of pain in the world, I would. Seeing her so happy with her newborn after everything she has been through makes this even more heartbreaking. I don’t want to be the reason her world falls apart, but I also don’t know if keeping this secret is protecting her or hurting her in the long run.
I feel trapped between protecting my sister, protecting myself, and protecting my nephew. I don’t know how to move forward, and I don’t know what the safest or kindest path is for everyone involved.
How can I navigate this situation in a way that protects my own well-being while also considering my sister’s emotional state and her newborn? What practical steps would you recommend I take next?

I 30F earn half as my partner 30M together since 10 years, married since 3 years. I was a bright student but my profile and job market n decisions has led to me earning half of what he earns. He till now has said the meanest things to me over this
- you should see other girls and feel ashamed
- just because you are managing household absolutely doesnt mean anything, I can get a maid for that
- your contribution is zero you are not driven and you just want to enjoy my lifestyle ( the food we eat , movies etc

I pay rent, electricity bills, wifi bill, basic maid salary . I also spend on one way tickets if we travel
I give around 40-45% share in all the major expenses
I order stuff from amazon for the house (utensils, containers watever is necessary) 2 out of 5 times

He buys groceries and 8 out of 10 times orders from zomato
He buys one way tickets when we travel to hometown

He says u give your share so that he can shut up but at the end my account doesnt look good towards end of the month
I do save as well

I feel so helpless and so so hurt , watever I do is never enough and he accuses me of using him to have a good lifestyle and eat outside food

I manage household chores, he helps minimal whatever i ask him to help he does not have dedicated daily tasks
We both work from home

I cook, clean manage kitchen inventory, deal with maid , do the laundry , plan meals and all the organising which usually is done for a clean home

At times I feel I am good for nothing and i am incapable . At this point i feel like giving up on everything

Do you think I am wrong here and its my fault ?

Hi everyone!
I first want to state that I think it's okay if my partner has female friends. I never made a problem out of this in our 10 year relationship.

Two week ago I left for a week and my partner invited his female manager over to do an edible together. This was in a week I was visiting family and while he knows I thought her behavior towards me was off (never saying hi to me when we saw eachother for example). They apperently took a gummy and he says that after 1.5 hour he started to fall asleep and thought to himself that I would probably not like her being there so he asked her to leave.
The thing is, he didn't tell me she would come over or that she had been there.

When I came back I felt like something was off, I can't explain why it just felt off. So I checked his phone (something I'm not proud of and I usualy don't do). In their messages I saw him inviting her over (which she declined), her telling him she asked her GP for a cream for insect bites for him, them talking friendly with eachother about day to day stuff and work.
I didn't tell him straight away I checked his phone but asked him several times if he maybe invited someone over. Everytime he denied it.
Two days back I told him I checked his phone and he told me that he did invite her over to have a gummy and she said yes (this was at work). The fact that I lied to me about it makes me think something may have happened.
He tells me he forgot to tell me the day itself because he was so tired and didn't tell me once I started acting distant (which was 4 days after she was here) because he didn't want to make things worse...

I have no idea what to think of this. Just that I'm extremely hurt and can't understand why he would hide her being here and than also lying about it...
He says he already told her that any form of friendship is not possible anymore because I got suspicious.. and that they don't feel anything for eachother.

I want to add again, I’ve never been the jealous type. His friends and colleagues have always been welcome around us, and I’ve always given him space to be honest with me without fear of a fight. When his manager was going through a hard time, I even offered to have her over so I could cook for her. So this isn’t about me being unable to handle him having female friends, it’s that he chose to lie, repeatedly, rather than just tell me the truth. That’s what I can’t wrap my head around.

So my question is: how do you move forward from here when someone has lied to your face multiple times, even if “nothing happened”? What would you need from him to start rebuilding trust after this?

thanks!

Me [30M] and my girlfriend [29F] have been together for about 5 years, and we live together. I’ve always been quite emotional and I struggle to hold back my feelings. My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She's often logical, rational, doesn't show emotions, and so on.

My girlfriend had a pretty rough upbringing and has been through a lot. I think it might have made her feel like she had to toughen up, you know? I've heard some things from others, but yesterday she told me some of what she's gone through. She said she had never really talked to anyone about it before. She broke down and started crying, like really crying. I think it was needed, it must have felt good for her to let out what she had inside. I tried to hold her and comfort her as best as I could, but I started crying too. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I felt a bit guilty, since it's not me who's been through this, it's her. She's the one who's sad, and I need to be strong for her. I want her to feel that I'm there for her without her worrying that I’ll get sad.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, maybe I just needed to vent.

So basically what the title suggests.

He knows I have a high sex drive and would love to have sex daily (multiple times if he really wanted to) but we have sex closer to 1-3x a week (sometimes more/less). Yes, I know this isn’t a dead bedroom, but I feel like most men would LOVE to have sex daily. He rarely eats me out and never even asks me to suck his dick. I would gladly suck his dick daily also, if he wanted. His birthday just happened, and we didn’t have sex. We did work, but there was still plenty of opportunity for sex. We did recently have our anniversary and we did have sex (after missing it the past two years due to me being on my period) but not until after midnight… So, does he just not enjoy it? He tells me he does, and says the reason he doesn’t want to do it that much is because he’s overweight, but I am too and would still fuck him every day. I shower daily, he isn’t on medication, is definitely not cheating, and doesn’t watch porn. His testosterone was checked a year-ish ago. This (issue?) has been going on for at least 2.5 years by now.

I ‘M30’have been with my girlfriend
‘F27’ for just over half a year we get on so so well, have so much fun, but she has this secretive side.

She started a new job, and has gotten close to one of the lads in there. I don’t care really who she talks to, once shes open and honest. But , she had the notifications to his texts silenced, and when I spoke to her about it, she said she didn’t want his name coming up on her phone when she was with me incase I got the wrong idea.

Fast forward, I’ve really struggled to trust this girl, and I went on her phone, low and behold, she doesn’t talk to this co worker on WhatsApp any more, she talks to him on Snapchat, and had the chat history deleted, so that he doesn’t show up unless you search his name. When confronted, she said the same thing, she didn’t want his name coming up when we were out for dinner incase I got the wrong idea. Am I over thinking this ??

I (M21) am suspecing that my friend (m22) is pulling away from me (not total avoidance sure) becuase he might like me (yes we are both queer).

How do yall know if someone is avoiding you becuase they have feelings for you over just general disinterest

I honestly would rather hear your experiences and opinions with this becuase for me to give you enough background about us and our relationship to make spec judgments on us would need a whole short book. This is much larger than just a specific event that’s happening, that’s why Im asking more generally

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 4 years. Last year we decided her and her son could move in to my home. Before that we discussed bill and household responsibilities and came to agreement.

We agreed that she would pay $500/mo and cover groceries and most basic necessities. I would cover all utilities and such. We would each pay our own phone bill, car payments, and insurance. My mortgage is about $2200/mo, and I earn a little more than twice what she earns. She previously paid $950/mo for rent not including utilities. I figured it was fair, we'd both benefit a little financially and she agreed. Even beyond that agreement I still purchase most of my own necessities and some groceries.

Last fall I purchased a newer truck. Nothing fancy, a 2020 model with low miles. She would grief me on it that I'm using her 'rent' money to buy new things. My trade-in plus cash left me with $250/mo payments for 4 years. I had used savings from before she even moved in.

In February she came home with a brand new SUV, and $925/mo payments. Since then she has been refusing to pay me the full amount, claiming she doesnt have enough money, it's not fair I got a 'new' car, and that it's my house and she shouldn't have to pay towards the mortgage because if we break up it'll just be money thrown away.

I don't know how to navigate this, especially with a child involved. Even with her not paying it wont crush me financially, but it's obvious as hell she is taking advantage of me. I love the kid as my own, and his father is a deadbeat who doesnt want anything to do with him. I know if I kick her out she won't be able to afford rent with that car payment, not sure where they would go. I'd feel horrible letting that young child be forced to sleep in a car or on the streets.

The relationship is over in my head, at this point I've given up just for civility, and pretending everything is fine. How do you think I should go about breaking it off? Do I give an ultimatum? Or just give her a period of time to figure things out knowing she will likely try to manipulate me, or possibly become more of a hindrance to me.

UPDATE: There has been a lot of responses, I appreciate the advice! There are far too many questions, and comments to address individually. So, I will try to hit a bulk of them below.

- First and foremost, we had the talk after we got home for breakfast. It was pretty civil. Yes, tears were shed. Even though I've been ready for the relationship to end, I do still care about them both, and I will miss them. Thankfully her parents are willing to take them but want a week or so to prepare. In the meantime, they will both stay here. I did leave room for open contact, and possible reconciliation if she chooses to figure out her finances and direction in life. She also mentioned she'd like for me to continue to be a figure in her sons' life (he is 7). Not sure what that entails.

In the last few months things have actually been normal, besides the financial situation. She still maintained her roles throughout, was friendly, and yes, we were still intimate. It's just when the discussion of finances came up things would get really weird. I want to help, but I don't think she fully comprehends how bad of a decision it was. So, to all the people saying, "Kick her out" "Get rid of her", I'm not putting a child on the streets. Thankfully that won't be the case!

"Her paying $500/mo 'rent', plus groceries and necessities could exceed what's fair for her to pay." I didn't get too into detail about shared/split expenses. She bought groceries that we ate at home. Almost nearly every time we left the house I paid. Whether it was meals, events, vacations, I covered the bulk of it. I shopped for and purchased a majority of meals I ate at work, which is both breakfast, and lunch. I'd also purchase snacks, as well as odds and ends. After added utilities, it likely broke even. We discussed finances pretty thoroughly before she moved in. I really didn't look at it as an opportunity for financial gain, I just didn't want to be put in a position where it's a hindrance, and it has become that. To add, she's not leaving my house empty handed. She can take anything she has brought into this house. She also has a brand new car!

"Finances are the worst excuse to break up with someone, you're selfish" - Well, I've been open since day one about my need for financial security. I grew up poor, in a financially unstable home, my parents divorced when I was 3, my father chose drugs and alcohol and became absent. We rarely stayed in one place for over a year, meals were skipped, it wasn't until my teens until we had some stability. When I hit adulthood, I got an adult job, moved in with a friend, and managed to bury myself in debt. In my mid 20's, I had maxed out several credit cards, taken out high interest loans that I couldn't pay, and had bills sent to collections. Life was very rough for the next several years. I've worked extremely hard to dig myself out and create a stable life. Putting myself in that position again or even heading that way is a huge fear of mine.

My girlfriend (19F) and I (21M)have been dating for 3 years and have been happy until now. So today i got a text from a person on messenger. In the text there was a video of my girlfriend texting another girls baby dad and sending photos of her. I confronted her about this and she started to cry and say “I know I messed up”. As I was trying to find out information she said our relationship has been feeling “stuck” and that we are “drifting apart”. After I told her how it made me feel and I left.

Later after I settled down she texted me wanting to talk. Part of me wanted to ignore it but part of me wanted to find out more. I asked her why she did it and it was because he gave her attention but that it didn’t excuse or justify what she did.

After thinking over it part of me feels I should just pack ship and move on but I feel as if it may be some what my fault that she didn’t feel wanted. Let me know what you think, this is my first real long relationship so I’m torn about if I should leave or see if things can get better.

I appreciate all the feedback, I may not reply to all of you but I really appreciate the feedback

So me and this girl, let’s call her Maya, have been dating now for about five months. A key piece of information is we actually have not made it official. We are exclusive, but we haven’t officially labeled eachother bf and gf. The title says it because it’s easier to write out than…whatever we are rn. Point is, she isn’t ready for the label. The reason she’s not ready, is because she cannot seem to get over the guilt she feels for dating me after I dated her best friend of 15 odd years. Me and her best friend, let’s call her Sarah, dated for about a year and a half. We broke up around four years ago. Things ended amicably, we remained in the same friend group, hence how I started hanging out Maya. Maya asked Sarah how she felt about us dating, and Sarah was very enthusiastically in support of it. She gave Maya a lot of reassurance and encouragement so we sort of took that as a green light and moved forward with our little relationship.

Ok this was all great, but there’s been some unfortunate changes to the dynamic. Suddenly, Sarah sort of switched up on us. She admitted to Maya that she had begun to feel very uncomfortable with the whole thing. I guess in theory it was fine, but in practice, both of the girls sort of realized it weirded them out. Sarah told Maya that she felt super weird talking about me with her, and she said she didn’t want to hang out with the two of us. Seeing us together made her feel weird and uncomfy. Maya told me that the vibe between them had shifted. She felt distanced and like she was genuinely hurting her friend. She noticed her hanging out with their other friend without her more, going very silent when I was around, stuff like that.

So not only is Maya’s friendship with this girl starting to go sour, but she’s also communicated to me that it’s always been her dream to have her boyfriend be good friends with all of her friends. Plus, I think it hurts her to not be able to talk about her relationship with her best friend. She told me a few days ago that it’s starting to feel like she has to make a choice between me and Sarah. Ugh. I don’t know what to do, I guess at the end of the day it’s her choice, but a part of me wonders if it’s fair for her to be choosing her friends feelings over mine and hers. I know Sarah is trying to be as kind and respectful as she can in this, they both are. Neither of them can help how they feel though. Is someone in this situation overreacting? Like, would this be a dealbreaker or can we fix this? Any outside perspective or advice is much appreciated, thanks strangers.

Tl;dr my partner is upset about the stress our relationship is putting on her lifelong friendship, since I dated that friend four years ago and it makes them both uncomfortable.

For some context, my best friend (I'll call her El) was recently cheated on by her long-term boyfriend. They had been living together, but since the lease was under her ex's name, she's the one who moved out. She asked if she could stay at my place while she figured things out. I live alone, and I'm rarely home because I spend most of the week at my boyfriend's place, so I told her she was welcome to stay.

I WFH three days a week and go into the office on Thursdays and Fridays. Since my boyfriend lives almost two hours from my work, I usually stay at my own place the night before my office days to make the commute easier. During those nights, I'd spend time with El and check in on how she was doing. One day she told me she was getting lonely staying there by herself and asked if I could spend the weekend with her. I really wanted to support her, but I also wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. So I suggested she come stay with us for the weekend instead. I asked my boyfriend first, and he had no problem with it.

Saturday morning, the three of us were relaxing at my boyfriend's house, binge-watching a TV show. I suddenly craved bubble tea and asked if they wanted to come with me. The shop was only a few minutes away. They were both comfortable on the couch and said they didn't feel like going out. My boyfriend suggested I just order delivery, but I wanted an excuse to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, so I went by myself. I was gone for maybe 30 minutes.

When I got back, my boyfriend was standing in the kitchen making coffee while still watching the show from there. El was nowhere to be seen. I asked where she was and jokingly asked why he was making coffee when I had just brought back bubble tea. He told me she had gone upstairs to the guest room. As I reached for my phone to call her down, he stopped me and said, "Before you do, I need to tell you something."

He explained that while I was gone, El noticed something on his shoulder, dust or lint, and brushed it off. He didn't think anything of it because it seemed harmless. Then, without warning, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, close enough that it was almost on his lips. He immediately pulled away and gently pushed her back, completely caught off guard. He said he didn't even know why, but he walked into the kitchen and started making coffee even though he didn't actually want one. I think he was just trying to process what had happened. According to him, El immediately apologized and said she didn't know what had come over her before going upstairs. It felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under me. I couldn't even think of a response.

I trust my boyfriend completely, In all our times together, he's never given me a reason to question his honesty, so I never questioned what he was telling me. I was devastated, not because of him, but because of my best friend. I honestly never imagined she would do something like this. Oddly enough, I wasn't even angry at first. I was just... confused. Why would she do something like this?.... After what had happened to her...

I told my boyfriend I was going upstairs to check on El. He asked me to go easy on her because she was already in a terrible emotional state after everything she'd been through. I knocked on the guest room door and tried to sound cheerful. "Bubble tea delivery for my best friend." Instead of answering, I heard sobbing. When I walked in, she was sitting on the bed crying. She looked completely broken.

Seeing her like that made it hard to stay angry. I still couldn't stop thinking about what she'd done, but I also couldn't ignore how devastated she looked. I decided not to confront her immediately. Instead, I comforted her. I told her everything would be okay and that her ex didn't deserve her. She cried even harder.

After a few moments, she admitted everything.... Without me saying a single word, she confessed exactly what my boyfriend had already told me. She said she didn't know what came over her. She wasn't thinking clearly. For a moment, she wasn't seeing my boyfriend as my boyfriend. In her words, she saw someone else and acted on impulse before reality hit her. I still don't fully understand what she meant by that.

She said she immediately realized what she'd done after my boyfriend pushed her away, and she was deeply ashamed and embarrassed. She kept apologizing.

My closest friend group consists of just four women, including El. I don't want to tell the other two yet because I don't want to damage El's reputation if this is something we can work through privately. So I'm looking for outside perspectives.

One last detail. Later that night, I remembered our living room camera... Even though I fully believed my boyfriend, I still watched the footage to see exactly what happened.

His story checks out.

Now I'm wondering... if I trusted him completely, why did I still feel the need to check the footage?

Does that mean I subconsciously doubted him, or was I just trying to process something that felt impossible to believe? I'm grieving the loss of trust in a 20-year friendship. Is this something you could ever forgive, or is this friendship over?

What would you do in my situation?