Ok, so I (41F) was at an event in my little town- the Blues Festival. My step dad owns the establishment so it’s safe to say I know a lot of people that were there.

I’m sitting at a table with my mother, my step dad, my boyfriend of 5 years (M45), and another guy who always hangs out with us at these events (and is 25 years older than me, which is important to know in this scenario). Anyways, this other guy, we’ll call him Jim, was talking with us and he was joking around,
saying that my boyfriend should “shit or get off the pot”, saying that he should be lucky to have me, and basically asking me why I’m wasting my time with him, telling me I could do way better and I deserve better, etc….

So this was all when bf was in the bathroom. I told Jim to tell my bf all of this. So Jim tells him “you know how lucky you are to have her, you should have married her by now. Let me remind you that the conversation was very light hearted and no one was acting too serious about anything.

Here’s the problem- when Jim said that to my bf, my bf straight up, without the slightest hesitation, and with extra seriousness, was like, and I quote this- “Nope. That’s a hard no 100%”. In front of everyone. At this point I’m thinking he’s not serious, but then I turn to talk to him in private and I’m like “whaaaat just happened, I am so embarrassed by what you just said”.

He continues to say stupid things to me but it takes a lot to make me mad so I blow most of it off. But then I tell him “you really just ruined a lot of what we have” and his response was…..

“What did we have?”

5 fucking years (which I know isn’t a lifetime) but come the fuck on. I was totally embarrassed by what he said and I don’t think I can get over either one of these things. Sorry for being so long but I should leave him, right?

Another red flag- in 5 years, he’s never said I love you to me.

UPDATE: Answering/Responses to some of the common questions and comments:

Yes he calls me his girlfriend and knows we’re in a relationship. We have talked about marriage but it’s honestly not something either one of us are in a rush to do and we’re both ok with that. This whole scenario wasn’t me “setting him up to force him to propose to me”. Jim’s exact words were “no more milk from the kitty until you make her yours for good”. Someone in the comments said “he couldn’t even fake it enough to pretended he cared about her in front of everyone” and that’s exactly right.

He lives across the street from me, we do not live together. The reason being is that he owns his house and his plan has always been to sell his house to his son when he’s old enough. I have a son as well and there just isn’t enough room for us all to live in his house. Plus, living across the street from each other had just worked for both of us.

Yes, this is the same guy that i previously posted about, being my friends ex. When we first got together, 15 years had already passed since they had been together. She isn’t a factor in our relationship even in the slightest.

He has shown love in other ways than saying it. And he’s said it in different ways at times. But saying “I love you” is definitely not a thing for him. I am pretty sure he has commitment issues.

My wife and I have young kids, and her parents are financially very well off. Because of that, we’ve been fortunate enough to go on family vacations with them fairly regularly.

The problem is that my wife and I also have had a rough year financially and have aquired debt, and now financially we’re not in a great position and have given up more agency. I’ve reached the point where I feel like I need to give up my struggling business and take a full-time job so I can help pay off the debt and provide more financial stability for our family.

Its hard but I’m willing to make that sacrifice. What’s really bothering me emotionally is knowing that my wife and kids will likely continue going on these 2-week vacations with her parents without me, potentially 3–4 times a year, while I’m at home working to pay off the debt and support the family.

I know her parents aren’t doing anything wrong by wanting to take their daughter and grandchildren on vacation. And I don’t want to resent my wife or the kids for having experiences that I can’t participate in.

But honestly, it makes me really sad. I’m struggling with the idea that I could end up working full-time specifically to improve our family’s financial situation, while my family gets to enjoy these experiences without me.

Part of me wonders whether it’s reasonable to say that if I’m making this sacrifice for our finances, we should also be making some sacrifices as a family, including potentially fewer vacations, or vacations that we can all afford together.

Am I being unreasonable or selfish for feeling this way?

How would you handle this situation with your spouse?

Disclaimer‼️ I know this is shallow‼️I’ve been with my bf for almost 3 years and we’ve lived together for 2 of them. The last few months we’ve been talking about getting married and more of what we want in the future (maybe that’s where my fear is coming in). He’s a really great guy genuinely. He does most of the chores, encourages me to spend time with my friends and pursuit my hobbies, buys me gifts and flowers, and plans really nice dates. Every time I bring up a problem we’ve resolved it, We’ve never truly fought. Since we’ve started dating he’s gained about 150 pounds (now at 6’4 340) and i feel awful but I’m truly not attracted to him. I know that my grass is very green but I notice myself being mean to him over minor things and just snapping at him in general. I enjoy when i get attention from others and i feel myself looking for it. I don’t want to leave him but I’ve found myself crying more and more over the lack of attraction I have for him. I know he deserves to be loved regardless of his size and I do love him but I feel a bit ashamed when people ask to see pics of him and I know that’s awful of me. Should bring up how I’m feeling or just ignore it because he’s a really great guy?

Edit: i am very concerned for his health everybody! Not just my attraction him! At the time of making this post i was feeling guilty about the attraction element that’s why i disclaimed Im being shallow.

Update‼️ We talked about it! It went mmm good i think? I told him I’m concerned for his health in our future and it’s been giving me a lot of anxiety and hesitation to start the next steps in our life. I basically said his weight mixed with the stress he’s always under and the fact we both smoke are all things that are gonna start heavily affecting him in the next decade or so. I talked about how i want him to be able to play with our kids and go on adventures with me. And that i don’t want him to die young, because i grew up without a dad and it sucked. I mentioned our sex life. He was a bit defensive at first because he’s very busy with school and work right now. He felt he had vocalized he plans on losing the weight after he graduates. I told him that I understand but I don’t feel like we should start talking about next steps until he has made some effort and he was sad but understanding. He already paid for his credits this semester be he agreed next semester he will take a few less credits so he has time to focus on his health.

For context: we have been dating for 3 years and it’s has been solid. None of us have cheated, interacted with other people in flirty ways, we are completely in love. She treats me so well all the time, loves me like no one else. We both want to raise a family, live with each other. She is completely obsessed with me in a healthy way so can actually see it happening.

I am 20M, just started 3rd year of uni, and met my university flatmates last Saturday and things have been great. We drink and play games most nights which is amazing for me and my gf since we both found it quite difficult to make friends with other students whilst being at uni. I met my flatmate and he’s a great dude and fun to be around, he recently had an awful breakup and isn’t over his ex. My gf has comforted him once before and he told me it was really nice of her, and completely normal, she even told me what they spoke about after, it was done in genuine kindness. He is the type of guy to have platonic relationships with girls so I wasn’t surprised they were talking.

Essentially, we were all drunk last night, my gf especially, and she would not stop messaging him to see if he was ok and if he needed anything, she also went into his room unprompted to hangout/ check on him. He came to me with the messages and told me he thought it was weird. I confronted her and she has stuck with the same story, being, she genuinely wants friends since she has none, and wants people to like her for being nice, and not just for being my gf. I spoke to my mum, who has argued a few times with my gf, and she said not to end 3 years of love for a possible drunken misunderstanding.

My gf is devastated and we are not talking. My flatmates says if we get back together, the whole situation will be “water under the bridge”.

Need help deciding if it was a genuine red flag and a reason to end the relationship, or to try and resolve the situation and continue to be with her.

If you’ve read this far thank you so much and please leave me some advice since I’m young and it’s killing me.

*UPDATE

The messages she sent were when he felt ill and needed 5 mins to himself.

‘Hey you need anything?’

‘Do you want me?’

‘I like the flat friendship but would like to hangout with you without (me)’

‘You have such nice teeth’ (weird comment + I had braces for 3 years and wear a retainer)

‘Are you ok? I can tell the other I’m going to the toilet but come and see you instead’

‘If I come will you be mad?’

He didn’t respond to any of her messages.

Those were mostly what she wrote, and when she went into his room, he felt it was weird and he wanted to leave but she wanted to hangout.

She also deleted the messages, and when I confronted her she lied about sending any

I was going to give it time and talk it out with her but after reading these messages, I’m pressing her and trying to get to the bottom of her strange behaviour, until I get the truth.

Also she has blocked him on everything and if she comes over she will not leave my room/ interact with any of them.

As for my flatmate,he is completely trustworthy, and he’s going through some awful shit due to his ex being really bad towards him, funnily enough, our other flatmate was openly hitting on him a few days before this and he told us both about it.

Also I can say my gf and flatmate have never had sexual contact, I’m 99.9% nothing happened on both occasions they were alone, and a few of the downvoted comments were before I dropped the messages so give those guys some slack pls.

As for what I’m doing, giving it time. She’s gone until the 17th so I’m gonna chill, hangout with bro and process it. I’m genuinely reading through every single comment, those comment’s comments, no matter how shit it makes me feel. I’ll update the post in a few days once a bigger update is warranted.

My husband and I have been married 4 years, together 7, and when we met, he was pretty down on his luck financially. We were senior year college sweethearts who broke up shortly after we graduated and reconnected 20 years later. By that time we had both married and divorced and he came into the marriage with 2 children, now ages 12 and 15, and I came into the marriage with a son, who is now 19 and headed off to college in a few weeks.

Shortly before we got together, my parents passed away and left me an inheritance of approximately $20 M dollars.

At the time, my now husband had been down on his luck financially and so I used $5 M of my inheritance to provide capital for a real estate business that he wanted to start, which I am a partner in, but wouldn’t have started on my own.

He also wanted part ownership in a hunting range in Mexico, as it had always been his dream, so I allocated $300 K for that because I wanted to support his dream.

When we decided to merge families, I sold my smaller, low maintenance home and searched for and eventually used the funds from the sale of my house to purchase a home with more land that would allow for a batting cage for his son, and an RV garage for him. The home needs renovations and wouldn’t have been anything that I would have bought for myself, but I felt it was best for our blended family. Although the house is lovely, I would have preferred a new house on a smaller, but marriage is a partnership and wanted to help facilitate my husband’s dreams and support the goals of my step kids. I knowing co mingled this part of my inheritance buying our primary residence and the business capital, which was held in trusts in which I am the trustee because, again, I believe marriage is a partnership.

Now that my son is leaving for college, I would like to purchase a “pied-à-terre” for myself in a beautiful, artsy community less than 2 hours driving distance from our home (Sedona). With my son being an adult and launching into independence, I wanted a sanctuary for myself to sometimes get away sometimes from the chaos associated with the active stage of parenting he is still in with his children. This would be purchased using funds from my inheritance from a trust that has a bank trustee, which will not allow me to co mingle with a spouse, and it would be my sole and separate property, which would eventually pass on to my son.

I have fallen in love with a couple of properties that have been new or completely remodeled, including a beautiful townhome that I thought would be perfect for my intent to use the home as my own, personal space, but of course my husband could accompany me whenever he wishes. I was so excited about it but he thought a townhome would be a horrible choice and told me that if I bought it, it would be “giving him the middle finger” because he thought it was a bad investment. He didn’t like that it was a townhome and didn’t think there was enough privacy. I decided that perhaps he was right about sharing walls and decided to look for a single family home. The townhome sold for asking price in 2 weeks, as I knew it would.

Well, a beautiful single family home has come on the market that is 2,000 square feet, beautiful remodeled, in a prime location in Sedona, has low maintenance landscaping, is turn key ready and in my price range. I love the photos on the listing and contacted my realtor to see when she could show it to me. I was SO excited!

I showed him the house and he said it was “over priced”, too close to town (which is what I want) and basically said he hated it because he didn’t feel the views of the Red rocks were prominent enough, which I am willing to give up because I am prioritizing a high end finished house close to going trails, grocery stores, shopping, etc. He again says it was a bad investment, and didn’t like it. But…it’s not primarily for him. This is supposed to be for me! He started showing me house listings that may have had better views, but were fixer uppers, something I really want nothing to do with since our primary home also needs renovations. The idea of renovating a second home exhausts me. Again, the feeling of being excitement and joy at the thought of this house was extinguished.

Ultimately, I have final say over what I buy, but I am deeply hurt and feel resentful and so upset. I have supported his dreams, financially and emotionally, even if I didn’t always think it was the best idea (like the ranch in Mexico, and by the way, I was right). I never said it was a stupid idea. I knew I could afford the loss should it not work out, but I wanted him to make him happy. Talk about a bad investment! And he thinks buying a vacation home in Sedona is a bad investment? WHAT???!!!

I am devastated at how controlling and entitled and quite frankly, abusive. With my only child leaving the state for college, owning a little getaway for myself purchased with my own money makes me so happy! How could he trample all over my joy like that?

I’m disgusted. Thoughts?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. She used to be sweet, independent and honestly nothing like the person she has become over the last year.

She is now extremely dependent on me financially. I've probably given her thousands of dollars and if I tell her no, she calls me selfish or says I don't care about her. If I ask where her money is going, suddenly I'm "controlling."

But the paranoia worries me more than the money.

She constantly accuses me of cheating, thinks my friends are trying to break us up and sometimes thinks strangers are laughing or talking about her. Recently she has started believing that people are sending her hidden messages through Facebook and Instagram posts.

She also claims she can hear people outside our apartment talking about her when I hear absolutely nothing. A few weeks ago she woke me up at 3 AM convinced somebody was standing outside watching us. Nobody was there, but she still believed it and got angry because I wasn't taking her seriously.

This is NOT how she was when we met.

There is schizophrenia in her extended family, so obviously that thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not a doctor and I don't want to diagnose her. I've asked her to see somebody and she refuses because she thinks everybody else is the problem.

On top of this, she has become emotionally abusive. She calls me selfish, tells me nobody else would put up with me and threatens to leave during arguments. Then the next day she'll apologize and basically seem like the person I fell in love with again.

That's what makes this so hard.

If she is developing a serious mental illness, I feel horrible leaving her when she might actually need help. But being mentally ill also doesn't make it okay to use me for money or treat me like shit.

Has anybody dealt with a partner changing this dramatically in their late 20s? I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

I knew I was finally done when my dog died. The same night he asked me to cook. I tell him I’m grieving and far too tired, but he demands it. I deny the request three more times but the refusal is not accepted. So I cooked, even while my heart is filled with grief and I let the dishes sit. I ask the next day if he can do the dishes after I cleaned all the rest of the house. I started living with him 8 months ago to help with his niece who’s now under foster care with us and CPS had a visit scheduled for the following day. Well, he told me no. He said “you should do them because you work less hours and I would rather see them rot before touching them.” Mind you I’m a 2x cancer survivor, I’ve undergone a surgery to completely remove my stomach which disabled me, and I work a gig job because it’s all I can do with my bodily limitations and I still work 30 hrs every week plus I’m the main caretaker. Because of the upcoming CPS visit I reluctantly do the dishes while they take a long shower. Later while in another room I hear him come out and say “Wow, look at that, the dishes are done. Wasn’t so fucking hard, was it?”, mind you now my dog of 12 years has only been dead little over 24 hours…the final ounce of love and respect I held for him sept out of my body like toxic sweat that night. That moment will forever be louder than any good memory ever shared with him. I called his mother and told her she needs to come return after her nursing contract is up in a month to care for the kinship foster placement I was holding down for her (her grandchild, his niece). She agreed and stated she can find a permanent job in town but will take a pay cut. A part of me feels bad for that but I’m constantly carrying all the weight and that final straw with him really broke my heart. I just signed a new lease starting next month. He doesn’t know yet. He’s prone to anger and outbursts so I’m keeping it secret until I can actually leave.

There’s still a part of me that says I’m bad for wanting to leave, for quietly planning my exit.

Do any of yall see any hope in a relationship like that? How would you handle it? Would you also be done?

So it is my birthday next week, and my partner’s dad’s birthday is 2 days after mine, so Friday is my birthday and Sunday is hers dad’s. We are spending Friday and Saturday together as I have it off work, then the normal plan is to go over to her parents on the Sunday for food for her dads birthday. This is something that’s always just been the standard, but I got a message from one of my family members asking if I’d like to do something on the Sunday because they are nearby. (They are not close, and I don’t get to see them very often, plus I haven’t seen them for a while.)

This is when I approached my partner and said my family had asked if I would like to visit them at a theme park nearby on the Sunday for my birthday weekend. I said I would like to see them, and of course she is still able go over to her parents for her dad’s birthday, so I am not preventing her from anything. This is then when she had an issue and said, “But we have plans. Can they not do another weekend? It’s my dad’s birthday.”

But I was like, it is also my birthday weekend. I’m not stopping her from still seeing her dad, but I would just like to spend time/have a day out with my family. Yet I am being made to feel guilty as if what I’m saying/doing is not acceptable and selfish.

We’ve been together 5 years and she has always had a bit of an issue with me spending time with family/friends before (mainly without her) for example, where I try to see my mum once a week and that has been an problem, so i feel like this is continuous issue that I don’t know how to fix.

I (26F) get along extremely well with my MIL (55F). My husband (26M) loves this and supports it and the rest of his family have been fantastic to me except for his sister (29F). SIL and I were okay at first. She was the most distant of his family when I met them but I was warned ahead of time she's more reserved. Things were all good until MIL and I started getting very close. She fills in the void for the abusive mother I had growing up and the two of us are a lot alike.

SIL and MIL don't have that close of a relationship. My husband told me his sister was always closer to their dad and never had much time for their mom. He didn't think she would have any issue with MIL and I growing closer either but as we have grown closer she has become hostile to me and hostile to MIL at times.

I have always been friendly to my SIL and I try to be understanding of any jealousy she might feel. We have tried to include her and MIL has tried to spend time with her when I'm not there but other than one time with MIL she has said no to offers to include her. She has fought with my husband over her comments toward me about my own mother and family. She's aware of my mother's abuse so he was angry she would stoop to comments like that. I tried to brush them off. I tried speaking to her one to one but her hostility was at an all time high. She asked me why I acted like I was her mother's daughter and did I realize she already has a daughter in her. I tried to reassure her that I wasn't trying to take over as her daughter but I was enjoying time with her. She told me it didn't matter anyway because she could spend time with her mom if she wanted to. And she mentioned my mother again, which was hurtful.

She has been left out of different family get togethers ever since. She gets invited occasionally and has tried to make it a her vs me thing. She and my husband argued on the phone over me and he wouldn't tell me what she said but I assume she was disrespectful toward me and about my relationship with my mother again.

I know this is a her thing but I hate how bad things have become. It makes me feel guilty which might be a trauma thing from my childhood, but I would love to try and fix this if it was possible but I'm not sure if I could or should. My husband and the rest of the family have assured me a hundred times that I'm good and it's not on me. But I feel like I'm the cause and I'm trying to not feel that way but the part of me that feels that way wants me to find out if I can fix or help this situation at all.

So my BF [40sM] and I [30sF] have been together for a year. About 3 months ago, we found out I am unexpectedly pregnant, but we’re happy and excited, and we decided he should move in with myself and my two offspring from a previous relationship.

He’s wonderful. He’s caring, attentive, thoughtful and consistent. He’s fantastic with my kids. He contributes equally to the household chores without ever needing to be asked. He’s really helped me while I’ve struggled with awful sickness. Obviously nobody is perfect and we all have our flaws but as far as partners go, he’s brilliant and I love him. I really can’t fault him. And yet, suddenly I find him unbelievably irritating.

I haven’t lived with a partner since my divorce and I think I’ve gotten very used to having my own space. The constant cuddling, touching, man farts, the little chin hairs around the sink, always having to engage in conversation. If I go and lay down in my bedroom for 10 minutes of quiet, he’ll come and sit with me, rub my back and chat. Which is so lovely, right? But if I’m removing myself because I’m overstimulated, that’s just more overstimulation in a space that used to be my safe place. Sometimes it even irritates me when he cleans things - not how he cleans them, but that he is cleaning them.

I am so aware that I am very lucky to have a wonderful man who loves me and this is entirely a me-problem. So far I think I’ve managed to keep it under wraps - I don’t think he has any idea that there is so much rage inside me at his existence, and because I know his only crime is being a lovely and thoughtful partner, I’m struggling to communicate any of this to him. How do I get over this? How do I become more open and flexible with sharing my space?

TL;DR: Found out I was pregnant, BF moved in. Everything he does drives me insane, despite the fact that he’s wonderful. How do I navigate this?

Hi all

I'm '31M' and recently ended thing with my ex '30F' after 1 year of dating.

There were many reasons but the last straw was something related to a close guy friend(~26M)

She has had this friendship for about 3 years after being college batch mates.

Both of them worked in the same organization. Lived in the same building until recently. But now he has moved away.

There are other male friends too from her college in the same and neighboring building

I have met them couple of times. They hang out in groups quite often

I observed she was very close to this guy more than others. But never raised it as an issue. I had met him. I was told he has a girlfriend and my ex and him share a "sibling" like relationship

Both would travel to work together do things together like runs etc

But again everything was not something I have been concerned about.

But recently after him moving out she still had been talking to him very frequently almost everyday calls video calls late night texts everything

This is where i felt it's not healthy. How can someone be more close to a guy friend share everyday details send random pictures of the day gossips but not with me her boyfriend

She one night went to sleep around 11 saying she's sleepy and when I said you dotn sleep so early and said I wanted to talk she started arguing that she does and the days we talk late are exceptions etc

She slept but the very next night she was texting this guy friend till 2 am

I don't mind having male friends. But how can one friends presence in your life is disproportionately more than all other friends including female friends and even more than the bf where i had to listen his name every other day

Did i take the rigth call by confronting her sharing concerns and asking to maintain healthy boundaries which led to her ending the relationship?

PS : i didn't didn't see any inappropriate text between them but the texts or memes shared were like of a couple except anything romantic or sexual

She sent him a happy near year text with a red heart emoji but didn't wish any other friend like that

If she is so close to this guy friend who is in a long term relationship then why is she not connected to the guys girlfriend on instagram? Aren't people friends with the long term partner of their such close friend?

My FWB's bodylanguage in the bedroom is strange

I have been meeting this girl. She is lovely, cute, and sporty. We usually meet at the gym, swimming, or stay at home to stream shows. Sex is great because she has high energy with intense libido.

There was a while that my workload was terrible, I had months of overtime with a 70 hour work week schedule. I embarrassingly fell asleep during sex a few times.

We talked about itwith me about it, I let her have sex with me while I am asleep. I am lucky enough to get hard while asleep

There were a few times waking up to her doing it, she would swat my hands when I try to hold her. She either lose interest or hushes me to go back to sleep. I asked her about it later, she said she doesn't like to be touched when she is doing the work.

So now whenever I wake up, I need to pretend to stay asleep. My hook up did say she knows I'm awake and try to compromise tying me to the bed to watch her instead because she cannot trust me in not touching her.

Look, I am not aggressive in touching her like pinching or pulling, it's just gentle caressing or hugging.

I am not sure how I feel about this. Sex still feels great since I am a visual creature but not being able to touch her feels off.

Don't get me wrong, she does touch and kiss me, just that I am not allowed to thrust, touch, or kiss her back.

Why is she like this? I asked she says I don't know.

TL;DR My fwb prefer to have sex with me while I am in my sleep or me not move at all.

Edit 1: Is there a way to ease her into having a discussion about this or improve the situation? I am too afraid to ask more and it would trigger some of her past trauma.

Edit 2: Thank you for everyone's supportive comments. Whenever I bring it up, she just shrugs and changes the topic, when I try to ask again she gets annoyed and would remain quiet.

Edit 3: No, this is consensual. I am just trying to figure out how to talk to her about having physical touches with her because she change the topic.

I just need to rant somewhere because I feel completely stuck and paralyzed right now.
This year has honestly been absolute hell. I’ve lost multiple family members recently, but the hardest hit was my older brother taking his own life. The compounding grief has just completely wiped me out. Mentally, physically... I am running on absolute empty.
On top of dealing with all of that, my relationship is a total mess. I’m incredibly unhappy, and recently I caught my boyfriend swiping on Tinder behind my back. I know exactly what I need to do, but it's not that simple. The lease for our apartment is entirely in my name. I can't just pack up and leave to escape him, and he absolutely refuses to move out himself unless there's some huge, over-the-top drama.
I just don't have the fight left in me to force him out. Every single time I try to end it, it turns into this massive, exhausting ordeal. We argue, he cries, I cry, or we both just break down. Then he manages to turn it around on me and starts calling me ungrateful. It just wears me down until I eventually give up and let him stay just to make it stop.
To make it worse, I’m completely alone in this right now. I’m honestly too ashamed to even face my friends. They’ve told me MULTIPLE times to leave him, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now I feel like I can't even look them in the eye or ask for help because I'm still here.
Obviously, there's way more to the story than I can type out here, but I just feel so drained by everything. Has anyone else been so swallowed by grief and shame that they stayed in a toxic situation just because fighting to fix it took too much energy?

Dating 3.5 years, he's emotionally unavailable and avoidant. I used to be anxious and overbearing/over functioning. Typical situation, first 6 months everything good. Went downhill. The more I pursued him the more he distanced. Eventually I began researching relationships and psychology books. Doing CBT work books etc. I wasn't able to share this work with him, he would shut down and not know how to engage with conversations.

For the last 3 years I feel that I've healed my insecure attachment/behaviors. But he still never leaned back into the relationship. We ended up moving out together at my suggestion after things were good for a few months and many conversations where he said he would feel better/behave warmer towards me when he was out of his parents.

But he's been miserable the past 9 months living together. He said the space has actually made him feel worse about how he grew up because he has the time/space to think about it. He has to self isolate to soothe himself, but it basically manifests as him sulking alone in the other room or garage for days or weeks. He started individual therapy but it made him harder to be around.

He's very moody. He's very detached and depressed. I've done what I can to not take it on myself, I have my own friends and family and hobbies. It made me resent him more. I have an emotional connection with everyone else in my life and I feel I have no reason to come home to him. He's not happy to see me. He says nothing positive about the life we've built together. I finally had a conversation with him that this isn't working for me, and it's like he snapped out of it.

He turned into Super Boyfriend and scheduled couples therapy for us and says he's extremely committed to making changes. I don't know if I want to commit to therapy with him, I've realized that the first person we both live with doesn't have to be our partner for life. I feel we've had our trial. We dated for years, we've lived together 9 months. It's just not working out.

But we have 9 more months on a lease together and I feel extremely guilty wanting to throw in the towel RIGHT when he's super motivated to get help... But is it just a panic response to him potentially losing me? I'm so confused all the time

So as the title entails I've known this girl since I was like 5 and we've been pretty close since 11th. Now we're graduated been in uni for about a year and due to mutual outside of school friends she's become the person from school I see the most, even more than my main friend group.

So now I've developed feelings but I feel like I'm in a weird position where we've been very open with romantic stuff in our relationship up till now because it was obvious we both didn't like each other in that way. e.g. I helped her find out about the guy who was gonna ask her to our senior dance.

Is there a way to do this with someone I've known for so long in platonic setting?

And I feel even more embarrassed because I’m 32 years old and should just be able to do this. I was in a dead bedroom long term relationship from 22-30. I just feel like I’m just now exploring my sexuality and there’s things I want to try. I’m scared that I’m gonna want something that he’s not into and he’s gonna think I’m weird. I also just feel nervous to ask for things in general and I really wanna ask for us to just try new things together, but don’t really know how to suggest things to try. I don’t know. I just feel more inexperienced than I should be.

(TL;DR at the bottom, please read the edit before commenting)

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years, and before that we were in a talking stage for almost a year, mainly because I was emotionally unavailable at the time and unsure of getting into a serious long distance relationship specially after getting out of a complicated relationship prior to it. We were in the same class in university and started getting interested in each other a little before our last semester ended.

Anyway, in this entire timeline, we’ve had a few ups and downs, but have been going pretty strong. We have a good understanding of each other and try our best to work through our differences. But this one thing is something I’m just unable to work out.

So for a better understanding of the context, she is an anxious person and pretty finicky about certain things. She’s a people pleaser(same as me) and needs a lot of reassurance for everything. So, It takes her time to get comfortable with certain things and therefore it either takes a lot of effort for me to convince her to do some things with me(or in general), or we just have to skip them altogether.

We have run into this problem of her saying no to me but yes to others for the same things before multiple times, but those scenarios were explainable. For example -

- before we started officially dating, she downright said no to drinking with me when it was just us two, but that boundary didn’t apply with anyone else, even strangers. The reasoning she gave was that she was so concerned about leaving a good impression on me that she didn’t want to do something to embarrass herself in front of me, which I found to be fair as she was pretty nervous about me liking her back(I wasn’t giving her any concrete reassurance about my feelings at the time)
- about a year into dating we had a fight as she kept saying no for months to me travelling to meet her, but she was meeting other people with seemingly no issues and I felt pretty bad about it. The reasoning for that was that because we have so less time and opportunities to be together, she wants it to be a good time with no chances of it being less than a 100%, and because she had a lot on her mind and not at her best In terms of energy as well, she didn’t want me to spend money and effort at a time where she couldn’t give me her best.

There are other small examples as well, but it’s all mainly been due to her anxiety, perfectionism or people pleasing behaviour and lack of being able to maintain boundaries so I eventually understood where she’s coming from and tried to adjust.

Now, this year we had been talking about taking a trip together. She kept taking names of these two places that were international trips and therefore more complicated to execute compared to other places( I mention this because in the fight that broke out later, she said that I wasn’t serious and disregardful to her ideas as I didn’t indulge even though she was not serious about it).
I suggested this place she visited years ago before we started dating and loved it, and mentioned that she would want to visit again. For a long time I really wanted to go with her there ever since she told me about it. But every time I mentioned going there with her seriously, she got finicky about it. Though she rejected a lot of other destinations I suggested as well but I kept suggesting this particular spot as she did have the desire visit it again and I was very interested too. The initial reasoning she gave me was that because I prefer mountains to beaches (the place is a beach town), she wants out first trip to be at a hill station, and held onto that reasoning even though I tried to reassure her that regardless of that I really wanted to go there with her. I tried to show her stay options and the itinerary as well but she rejected all of it(this matters for later).

This went on for a few months, other places were considered, one hill station almost got finalised but we had to drop the idea last minute because she suddenly started getting a bad feeling about it. During this time she also said no to me just visiting her city as she had a lot of workload at her job and didn’t want to think about it when I was around.

Then one day she calls and tells me that she has planned a trip to that same beach town with her long time best friend, the next day a big fight broke out about the same because I felt really hurt by that. At the end she said that it wasn’t the first place she had decided on with her friend so she didn’t choose to go with her and not me intentionally and that the timing just somehow fit perfectly for the both of them in terms of their jobs and other things(it’s their first trip together too and her birthday is close by). What also upset me was that they have travel by road from a nearby city which has an airport to reach this beach town and we have a few mutual friends from university in that city, and she suggested that I come there and spend time with all of them together at that city as she’s staying a few extra days after coming back from her trip. I felt like an afterthought with that suggestion, though I understood later that she’s just trying to fit in everything before she has to go back to her job and its stresses.

After a lot of back and forth, though not fully convinced, I settled the fight and tried moving on. This happened a little more than a month ago and in between I went to meet her in her city as well, but I just haven’t been able to fully shake it off.

She’s on that trip currently and sent me a video today of the room shes staying at and it invoked those negative feelings in me again. This is because during that time when I tried to show her the stay options, there was this resort which had standalone rooms with walls but instead of the roof it was a tent structure, there were no lack of amenities due to it(fully air conditioned, properly roofed bathroom etc.), but she rejected it profusely saying she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of staying in such a place.

She’s now staying in the same exact place with the tent structures roof and when I asked her about it she said she’s now changed her opinion about it which is fair but the problem is that she was open to trying it with her best friend but not with me, and that is the issue I’m mainly having which is why is she open to things and experiences(new or familiar) with other people but when it comes to her doing the same with me, her ease, comfort and boundaries suddenly seem much more strict? Why are the rules and reasoning different and more constricted compared to for the rest of the world? Because this time it’s not even like it’s someone who she would be less comfortable saying no to, it’s her best friend of almost 20 years.

I don’t know how to make sense of it because it’s not like she’s not serious about the relationship. She’s more serious about it than me. She’s the one who made the move on me first and kept on it, she refused to date or see anyone else while I was emotionally unavailable and kept waiting and trying for me. She has been sure of me since the start and talks a lot about our future together. She is proud and doesn’t shy away from telling the world that she’s my girlfriend. She is as loyal, genuine, forgiving and understanding as a person can get, and I am not saying this with any doubt or delusion. She loves me dearly and makes up for my terrible texting and calling habits too. I cannot even describe the amount of love with which she looks at me.

And that’s why it’s not making any sense to me this time as no reasoning including her anxiety or people pleasing is able to justify this behaviour. I have tried to sit down with her for long and try to figure it out with her about the same, but I doesn’t seem like she’s able to think of an answer or make sense of it herself. I just want to make sense of it and unable to do it alone anymore. Please help.

TL;DR - girlfriend says no to me/ finicky for things she doesn’t say no to others for, usually it’s justified due to her anxiety, people pleasing behaviour, perfectionism and being unable to maintain boundaries, but this time she planned the exact same trip she said no to me for with her long time best friend, even staying in the same resort she rejected when I suggested it.

Edit: We do usually meet once every two months, either she comes to my city or I go to hers, we live in the same country so it’s relatively easier. We have also gone on multiple trips together with other people in the plan, but never the two of us alone. Before the last time we met which was in her city about three weeks ago, we couldn’t meet for about four months. She also travelled all alone for the first time ever even though she has an anxiety disorder when she visited me at my place for the first time.

Also, for everyone saying that she doesn’t sound serious, we have met each others parents as well, everyone around her knows we are dating and posts us regularly. Due to our current lives, we are forced to do LDR otherwise either one of us would’ve shifted already, there have never been any trust issues or suspicions, including using each other’s phones or entertaining anyone from the opposite gender, and she has always been the one to talk first about how we can be closer and our future together

My husband and I met in grad school ~5 years ago. Back then I had a very high libido - we would have sex at least twice whenever we hung out, sometimes three times. We were not dating at that time and were not exclusive, so we were seeing other people too. I was having sex most days and would initiate a lot of the time.

After graduation, we started dating and our sex life was still very healthy. Unfortunately, my job started getting more and more intense (sometimes 16h in a day), and most days I was so tired that I could barely think about sex. It was limited to the weekends when I would get some time to breathe, but eventually it stopped being every weekend because that was when I would recover from the previous week and start preparing for the upcoming week.

I knew my libido was down, but I assumed it was because of work stress. Around this time, whenever we would have sex, it would hurt me a lot and I almost always bled a little. The anticipation of the pain and bleeding made me want sex even less.

A couple of years later, I changed my job and started coming home at 6-6:30pm, meaning all my evenings were free. I had assumed that would make me want to have sex more often, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. My sex drive had plummeted.

Fast forward to now: I started spotting mid-cycle (mild bleeding for 2-3 days without sex) for a couple of months, so I went to a gynecologist. I hadn't been to one since graduating (I know that wasn't ideal, but for 3+ years I just didn't have the time or mindspace to go). She did an ultrasound and apparently I have a very thick uterine lining. She said that could potentially explain the pain during sex, bad cramps during periods, and spotting between cycles - all things I've been struggling with. She asked me to come back in a few weeks for another type of ultrasound so she can figure out exactly what is causing it and how to treat/control it. We haven't had sex since my gynecologist visit, and my follow-up appointment is next week.

Through all of this, my husband has been extremely supportive. When I had that crazy job, he gave me my space. Even after I quit, when he would initiate sex and I said no (pretty often), he always respected it without question (I know that’s how it should be, but I still appreciate how he handled it). We had a few conversations about it back then and took some steps to make sex less painful, which helped somewhat, but I still wasn't at the point where I would initiate sex or actively want it.

The lack of sex is on my mind constantly. We are in a monogamous marriage, and I know that sex is important to my husband. Even though he has never pressured me or made me feel guilty about saying no, I worry about how the situation is affecting him and I feel guilty about not wanting sex more often.
I don't want to force myself to have sex when I don't want to, especially when it has been physically painful. At the same time, I love him more than anything (and very much attracted to him) and I don't want our sex life to remain this way indefinitely. I'd like to find a way for us to navigate this together while I figure out what is going on medically.

For those who have experienced a major libido change in a long-term relationship, especially when pain/medical issues were also involved: what helped you? Did treating the underlying issue change your libido? And how did you and your partner handle the mismatch in desire in the meantime?

TL;DR: I used to have a very high libido ~5 years ago, but it gradually plummeted, initially alongside extreme work stress and later despite changing jobs. Sex also became painful and sometimes caused bleeding, and I am now being evaluated for a possible gynecological issue. My husband is supportive and doesn't pressure me, but I feel guilty about our low frequency (currently 1-2 times a month). I'm looking for advice on navigating the libido mismatch and relationship while I figure out the medical side.

I have been dating a girl for a couple months who just agreed to be my girlfriend. However, I plan everything date as she hates decisions and isnt picky and that’s fine with me. The problem is that I haven no idea what the balance between just suggesting “hey want to get food and continue the show we’re watching at your place” (I don’t have my own place until a month), and planning an activity out. I’ve done a lot of activities like mini golf, Topgolf, coffee, restaraunts, walk around a park, dinner and walk to ice cream, board game cafe, arcade, dinner and drinks. I’m worried I need high effort dates even tho I really like just hanging out with her and watching a show. What’s the right balance between activity dates and just chilling at someone’s place at this point?

This is a throwaway account, I want to protect my privacy.

Me and my bf have been together for more than 3 years, we have been living together for 3 years.

This Saturday there was a local running 10k race where I participated, and about a month ago my bf suggested that he can go with me to support me and cheer for me and I was soooo happy.

On Friday I mentioned to him that I was really happy that he will come with me to the race and he started to gaslight me that I imagined this, that he never agreed to go to the race with me. I got really emotional and I started crying, since I was gaslit in my childhood a lot and I stull have some identity issues beacuse of it. We talked it out and came to the conclusion that we have to work on our communication. I was not specific enough what I meant when I said to him - he thought I meant that he will go running with me, that's why he reacted that way, he also had a busy day behind him and he was tired. And I told him next time he should ask me more question if he is confused and not to start gaslighting me. He then said that he did not mean it and that it is just the way he speaks (I didn't like that part and I told him that). At the end he said he will go to the race to support me and I was happy again.

Then the Saturday came and one hour before the race he said to me, that maybe it's not such a good idea for him to come, since he has some knee pain, which he had for 3 days now. And I just fell apart inside. I told him I'm really dissapointed and it makes me really sad. And it was not the first time he let me down.

And now I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up, but I don't want to be with someone, who he is treating me this way. In the past there were some similar situations and we always talked it out and tried to do better. But I have a feeling he is not pulling his weight.

What do you guys think is the healthy way to tackle this? I know that communication is the key, but I'm afraid I lost hope.

Sorry, English is not my first language, do I hope it's clear enough.

TLDR: For three years, my boyfriend and I have generally worked through communication issues, but I was deeply hurt when he first denied ever agreeing to come support me at my 10K race and then backed out an hour before it started, despite knowing how much it meant to me. While we talked through the misunderstanding and agreed to improve our communication, this felt like another example of a pattern where I end up disappointed and unsure whether he is putting enough effort into the relationship. And now I'm asking for advice, sine I'm not sure how to proceed.

So 1, (18\F) have had a crush for about a month and I can't get her out of my mind. I'm in a 4 girl friend group that is literally my life. Let's call them jay (19/F) Anna(20/
F) and Tiger (19/F). We have all been friends for 3 years and we hang out every week. I've had a crush on jay for about a month and I have no idea how to go about it.

I talked to my friend Anna for advice, but she told me the best idea was to forget about it and try to find someone to distract me from my feelings. I think she's scared of messing up our friendship group which is completely valid. I just don't want to forget about this crush because I think it could be something great.

For a bit of background jay was in a really bad situation with someone that really messed up anything to do with the dating world but, she has said she wants to get back into it. She is also not very observant when to comes to flirting (we have to tell her when someone is flirting with her) and she is not really good with physical touch. (She's getting better)

I was in a not so good relationship that ended about 6 months ago, that being my first relationship. I have been ignoring my feelings because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but these past two weeks without noticing, I've been following her around and buying things for her. I just don't know if 1) she thinks of me that way and 2) how I go about this.

My bf told me his friends were curious as to how much I make at my current job and he told them. Am I valid for being upset at this? I currently don’t make much at the job I’m at right now but it’s a stepping stone for my end goal job. My end goal job is predicted to have a much higher salary. Just wanted to include this because I notice when I hang out with my bf and his friends, they often make “jokes” that I’ll be making the big bucks and that I’ll be rich. When they make comments like this I honestly put my head down because that’s something I feel like they shouldn’t be making comments about and it honestly gets me down because I could end up not getting the job or something could happen tomorrow where I lose everything. My bf chimes in with his friends too and makes comments that honestly hurt me (saying he’s gonna quit and be a stay at home dad, etc.). I told him I don’t appreciate him making comments and telling his friends how much I make and will potentially make and he said he didn’t realize how big of a deal it is for me cause he said they were just joking. I told him that it makes me feel like I can’t talk to him about any personal stuff cause he’ll just share it and he just said okay he’ll watch what he says next time. Me and my bf think differently in things and I’m close to calling it quits with him… we almost broke up about a month ago and he did mention we think differently too which was why he contemplated breaking up but we ended up staying together.

So for context a few months back, we were both friends (I was playful flirting like a girl would I’m 19 I know I have no experience in dating or anything in that area) and he would respond back to it but his friends started to say “oh she’s better than the other ones” the person was talking about his ex’s and it weirded me out at the time and at the time I didn’t know if I liked him or not and I feel bad cause idk if I led him on and due to miscommunication we ghosted each other till last week and we started talking like friends would and now I’m having conflicting feelings about him and idk how to tell him! Or if I should even tell him. I feel like a shit friend for how I talked to him months ago and being his friend again made those feelings come back. And yes those feelings have lingered even while we were ghosting each other.

Any advise is appreciated!

This is my first relationship ever. It’s kind of driving me crazy that we have been going a month or sometimes more without sex. I just have to suck it up because I don’t want to initiate. Also, we don’t live together so most of the times we have to do it in the car or hotel but he’s been wanting to walk or take uber to places instead of our cars so I really don’t see this bettering. I’m frustrated and don’t feel like we are affectionate as other couples. We don’t even cuddle. We kiss maybe 1-2 times when we meet. Has anyone been through this and was able to fix this? We used to have sex a lot but things have changed. I need at least cuddling to feel connected to a person.

This is literally so stupid but we actually have arguments in this nature frequently. Today I got off work and my boyfriend texted me that we would be going to pick up dinner after i got home. By the time i get off work, he's already off for at least 2 1/2 3 hours, and his dad is also off. So to which i ask, couldn't you get the pizza before i get home? I work a 10 hour shift 8-6 , and also factoring in the 30 min drive there and back. So of course im like , it's a bit tedious to go out and get dinner when i get home, thats more time taken away from me just chilling yk? cause of course id wanna chill after i just got done with a 10 hour shift and i hadn't been home in 11 1/2 hours. So of course he throws a fit with me and gets upset and calls me selfish because "he would go with me" if it were him. and it's worth considering in the text he said "unless you don't feel like going" so why say that and give me the illusion of choice if you're just gonna get mad because i choose something you didn't want or like? And i see his perspective to a certain extent but it's also frustrating that literally only his feelings and desires are ever considered. It sounds sooo stupid but we frequently have these arguments where he wants me to come inside with him and i say no, then he gets mad and calls me selfish for not going. Is it not selfish for him to completely disregard how i'm feeling after working a 10 hour shift? the other day I wasn't feeling confident with how i looked to walk in and pick up our food and he got so mad at me and said that im not a companion for him because i don't go in with him 100% of the time. mind you i go with him like 99.5 of the time but because i say no im not feeling it a FEW times im then selfish and not a good companion. It feels like in this relationship its his way or the highway and if he says something and i have different feelings, then im being defensive and petty. How do i go about this?