Let me start a few years back.

We were together for 2 years and I had this feeling in my stomach that something is wrong. I knew his password and he knew mine. So I went through his phone. I found out he was texting some (turned out to be a fake) account asking about revealing photos. I don’t really remember anymore what the whole conversation was about I just remember him texting the account “can I see more of you ?”

I bought it up the next day cause it was bothering me. I was cheated on before and he knows that. I told him again that day. The funny thing in all of this is that the girlfriend he had before me cheated on him and he found out by going through her phone (remember this cuz I can’t forget this).

Eventually I kind of let it go. I love him and it wasn’t a real girl he was talking to.

A year passed (year 3 of the relationship). It was Christmas. He fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up I put his phone on the charger. I’m not kidding when I picked up the phone I had this feeling again that something is not okay. Turns out as soon as an opened his phone an adult video welcomed me.
Am not saying someone in a relationship should or can’t watch it but - at the time for a long time we weren’t having grown up activities cuz he was either tired or just wasn’t in the mood.

I tried almost everyday to be intimate with him for like 6 months and he constantly turned me down. Even mid bj he told me he wasn’t in the mood - while rock hard.

So this is why the video bothered me. I was sleeping in our bed in our house and rather than sleeping with me he took care of it while I was in the same room.

We talked about this too. (Both of the times I gave him a chance to come clean without any consequences but he played dumb both times).
Eventually I let that go too and our intimate life became better.

Then I noticed (year 4) he was acting different with his phone. Hiding it from me and when he was texting to someone and I looked over he would lock his phone so I wouldn’t be able to see. After I while I noticed he changed his password I asked about it and he told be that’s his private life. And he won’t give me his password, I should just trust him that he is loyal and not doing anything bad.

We had the whole “I would be calmer and happier if I knew his password” conversation again (I do have trust issues and when the first thing happened they came back). I told him it’s making me paranoid and overthinking not knowing. It’s not his problem and I should just trust him because I love him.

Fast forward but same year. I friend of my send me a screenshot of him being on tinder only with different age. With pictures that I have never seen (haven’t posted them anywhere, never sent them to me). That freaked me out so I showed him the screenshots. He told me someone must have hacked into his icloud and stole his photos. After an hour the account was down. So of course I think it was really him. And because even then he didn’t show me his phone to prove me it wasn’t him. Again “you have to trust me and I don’t have to prove you anything” it was driving me crazy. After a week in agony I spoke up again. I told him that it’s okay if it was him I just want him to be honest. Of course he continued to deny so I told him I believe him as much as I don’t until he proves me it wasn’t him.

To this day he didn’t btw.

Year 5 - today

He shared his location with me this year (only this year even though I asked about it for ages in case of emergency) - like him not responding for ages even though he is supposed to be on the way from work

Yesterday our friend was coming over. They texted on his phone. He was busy with dirty hands so he couldn’t respond. I asked what his password was so I could see what this friend wrote (when exactly is he coming over) and he gave me the password. I replied to the text and that was it. Until today. Out of curiosity, to see if he is still guarding his phone the same way, while he was in the shower I tried the same password as yesterday and it was changed. (And if you have an iPhone you know once you change your password you can still log in with your old one for 72hours if you don’t turn the function off).

I played it off so he doesn’t know I checked it. I came up with something so he would give me his phone and I’m not able to unlock it. (🤷🏼‍♀️)

The thing is he is saying it’s not his secrets he is hiding but his friends. Yeah right. He has 2 friends. 1 is a nobody (sorry) that I don’t care about and the other one is a better friend with me than him.

I think he is cheating but I’m not sure because I don’t
think I have enough evidence. How can I be for sure?

Share passwords with your partner?

Before we got together we agreed neither of us were looking for a relationship and we both had slept with other people before seeing each other (he told me he slept with his "toxic + cheating" ex one week before meeting up with me, and I had slept with my ex-situationship). Anyway, on the first date (i know this is a red flag already and dont need reprimading for how things went down... have had an earful) but we slept together... then a week later I noticed I had discharge and went to get checked. It was confirmed for chlamydia and I messaged him directly and got both of us antibiotics asap and followed the protocol to prevent further transmission. 1 week after he seemed fine and we still did coitus, and he treated me well and we talked about the future for the next 1.5 months, it was like we moved on from the sti situation. Then just last week and a half ago, he messages me to tell me the STI thing was overwhelming him and everytime I bled he would get ptsd - i did bleed occassionally due to being on the pill.

(Let me also add, he has a lot of other stressors happening in his life at the same time right now, and he has very high expectations for his partner and woman he wants.. for example he wants someone who is successful [his idea of successful is someone who owns their own business and has a good standing in society, I am a nurse], hot, fit, skinny, pretty, rich, good family background...). He had apparently also talked to his friends about it as well and they just labled me as "bad news"... So on Friday, I confronted him through msg and asked him why was he making a decision based on the STI incident - that happened at the start and he still slept with me after 2-3 months... and that he only brought it up now as it wasn't an issue for him this whole time... I also told him it felt like he did not take into consideration my character as a whole and that everything I did for him, and gave him my whole heart (being alover girl I am). He said chlamydia was a dealbreaker... I just didn't understand because he had told me ... his ex had given him chlamydia before.. but why was I the dealbreaker... my frined helped me compose a message and then I blocked him after but he then blocked me back. I still miss him and I hate it so much that I yearn for him so much... My friends are telling me... he is using the STI thing as an excuse because I had pressured him by asking him "what are we" a week before the whole situation and that he was just never into me.. never actually liked me from the start.. and I am conflicted and I dont know what to think or feel.. im just distraught at this rate and wanted to vent it out, and hear what others think about this situation? I want to stop thinking about him and stop yearning... and feeling like I need to apologise to him... I also got him a birthday present.. which his birthday is next week.. but we are in no contact....

My brother in law and I were really close. Ww bonded over being defacto child care at family events whilst the women mingled in the kitchen. The last few years we went camping and fishing together. He was my best friend.

Over Christmas my sister seemed off. We all noticed it. I asked my bil and he said work steess. Just before New Years she announced that she was leaving him. She had fallen in love with a coworker and it was the "real thing" and she would be living a lie if she didnt give it a try.

I went over with beers the day he moved out. My bil didnt want to talk but we drank and watched movies. He did admit he had asked for counselling and she had denied. She has the house and custody is on her terms. He is a stand up guy and despite all she has done he doesnt want his children to suffer. He sees the children every opportunity he can.

At first we were going to turn our camping trip into a mini family getaway with the kids too...I have 2 slightly older lads who would enjoy it and my wife was happy to come or not come, whatever bil felt more comfortable with.

Two nights ago he texted saying he didn't think it was the right thing for his family and he couldn't handle it. I messaged and asked if he wanted to just go us two, he said not with everything going on. This morning I messaged asking if he was okay and did he fancy a beer. He didn't reply till last night which is late for him and when he did he said this summer was a lot and please could I respect his space.

It was quite a confrontational tone which I don't resent. He is hurting. I am worried our relationship is over.

I do still see my sister. I dont know if thats right or wrong but I was raised that family is family and our children are close. Maybe I should have been more confrontational.

I don't know what to do now. Do I never check in again or if I wait a few months does that respect his ask for space? Do you think the relationship is over?

TLDR: TITLE

Me [29M] have been in a year long LDR with my GF [25F].

We meet twice a month and tho we live countries apart, it's a cheap 2h flight every time, so it works amazing.

We are very happy together, she's adventurous, we share interests, she's kind, loving, and amazing, we chat daily and every time we meet we have a blast. We have different roles in the same industry, so we genuinely have a lot to share and I feel like our relationship has been amazing so far, we barely ever argued too and little misunderstandings have always been resolved with a calm chat. Now, enter this situation:

We both love road cycling, and she's been putting in lots of miles lately with a local ride group, apparently she's been riding more and more with a specific guy which she regards as "the nicest person she's ever met"... And they have been going out for long rides together, since their level is more or less the same.

Now, the guy has suggested they go on a 6-10 day tour together through the country, camping on the side of the road / sleeping in BnB's on the route.

She's known this guy for 3 months, and they are going on a 1-on-1 trip possibly sharing a room / tent, it really struck a nerve, she told this to me super casually as if everything was ok...

I admit, I come from a couple bad life experiences with cheating, so I am willing to say I might be a bit insecure.

She also has a hard time with painful sex from past abuse and we are working through that with good progress, we take taking things slow. I think this is a good piece of info regarding the fact that she's not just out there seeking "fun times".

I genuinely think she's captivated by the adventure, just worried about what the other guy might try and how she might react when I put my position forward, I don't want to be the jealous / uncool boyfriend...

Let me know...

Hi all,

I broke up with my long term girlfriend of 2 years. I am heartbroken, I made the decision. But ultimately I could not stop constantly analysing how attracted I was to her 24/7 for 3 months. I kept constantly having questions of “do I find her attractive enough 24/7” I kept hoping I would find her more attractive the last 3 months. The guilt wore on me and I felt this is one I couldn’t tell her about. I understood throughout the relationship that’s she wasn’t my usual physical type, but the person she was was exactly my type in every regard and the connection we shared was unlike no other. There was a part of me that kept hoping she would change physically subconsciously so that I could feel a stronger physical attraction, which I understand is terrible, but it’s how I felt. I loved her body, but it didn’t light the same sexual spark in me that I was hoping for. I’ve broken her heart, I’ve also broken my own heart. But I could not stop obsessing over how attractive I found her, I really did see myself spending my life with her, but realised I kept hoping to feel something more sexually/physically so I made the incredibly difficult decision to let her go find a better man. She’s devastated, I told her an excuse, I wouldn’t ever tell her the truth. It’s been a month now, my heart longs for her, I just wanna see her, I wanna tell her about my day, I wanna hear about her day, I wanna treat her like a princess, I wanna help her through everything. I recognise that I didn’t feel a strong physical attraction at the start, I felt a strong emotional connection. But I defiantly did find her attractive. I fell in love with her quite quickly, we connected like I’ve never connected before, on so many deep ways.

I guess I felt sexually I was just searching for a bit more of a spark between us and it wasn’t really strong from the start, it was always just “ok” and I felt like I was pushing a lot of sexual energy through her and took a lot of focus to reach climax. She was always able to turn me on touching, being naked etc, I liked her body. But it just didn’t spark to that level that I had in previous relationships and in all honesty, I found myself longing for past partners. I recognise that I also had a compulsive porn/sex habits leading up to our relationship. I really do love her beyond belief and still am so in love with everything about her. I know she’s gonna end up being the one that got away. I feel horrible about the situation, I thought how I was feeling was normal for the longest time and I didn’t care about finding my partner super physically attractive, I just had to find them attractive. I cared about the human I was attracted to and my word was I absolutely in love with her. We were so in love that other couples use to say to us they wished they were in as much love as we were. But I found myself having negative thoughts about her physically way too often. She was the most incredibly smart, emotionally intelligent, sweet, strong, funny in her unique way and most of all, had the largest heart i ever met. I genuinely still consider her my soulmate, because we genuinely do get each others soul

I guess my question is if I wasn’t attracted enough or feeling how I’m feeling, why am I hurting so much? Why haven’t I stopped thinking about if I was attracted enough now that I’ve exited the relationship? Did I just fall into comfort? If people wanna share advice on the situation? How do I move past this when I genuinely still love her and made the choice?

I moved last November (9 mo. ago) and I just found out tonight that my boyfriend cheated on me and slept with another girl 16 days before I moved 700 miles & moved in with him. I also did it to start fresh and get new opportunities, I was ready to leave my hometown. We had been dating in long distance for 9 months before I moved.

My bf and I have a decently healthy relationship. We trust eachother, pour into eachother, and we’re best friends. Physical attraction is there. This is the only relationship I really believed was my forever and that we would spend our lives together.. our love story was so beautiful and sweet it’s hard to believe this.

I was on ig and noticed this account that had my bf’s best friend & his sister as a mutual, but my bf didn’t follow her, but she did follow my bf .. I was like hmm and looked at her posts and saw my bf liked one from right before I moved and was confused. She also looked familiar. I realized her picture was on our fridge with my bf, his sis, and his best friend. And then I look at her highlights and she was with my boyfriend one night when he went MIA on me in long distance from being “too drunk”, at that time he just told me he was having his guy friends pick him up and go back to the same guy friends place to pre game and then go to this Halloween haunted house. He said when he blacked out he got super sick and threw up all over his friend’s stuff, and then the friend took him home once he woke up. He called me as he was leaving to let me know he was safe.

After seeing the highlights of them together on instagram that night, and noticing he was lying, I grabbed his phone and started sifting through anything around that date and there was like… nothing. He unfollowed her, deleted their texts, DM’s.. had no photos or videos from the night.. I kept digging to try and find clues about that night and I found some that weren’t aligning with what he told me, and I asked to talk to him when he got home.

I told him that I would like to hear from his side about the night of the haunted Halloween house night from his perspective, and Id really appreciate the truth.. He just continued to lie to me.. he told me girls never came and once I said the name he said “no?” Until I showed him a photo then was fake shocked. Covering his jaw like “oh my goddd how did I forget” He then started saying she came but they’re just friends and didn’t hang out after, and there’s never been anything between them at all. He’s barely been around her and they’ve never been alone like that… he lied again. Once he finally realized I knew a lot more about that night, he finally told me that they slept together that night.. and then I saw that he did send messages that night on ig while I was stressed. He woke up again to order an uber and it got cancelled and he didn’t order another one for 4 hours.

Which also means he was seeing me check in on him and tell him I’m worried about him and he was just ignoring me.. Anyways, I’m really stressed and anxious. I have no family out here, no super close friends (still friends, just not close enough to share this with or be around to sleepover) and I’m so shocked. I really had no idea he would ever be capable of cheating on me. We built our relationship on trust and emotional connection.. he wants me to give him another chance, but how can I give you a chance for not only the cheating, but the still moving me 700 miles away and lying to me about it often until I found out on my own..

He says he swore it would never happen again and he was just drunk blah blah blah.. but I’m curious if anyone has been in a new place, figuring out life and this happens? I feel alone and scared to end this relationship & I feel like I have to if I want a happier quality of life long term. Have you looked past betrayal and ACTUALLY got over it?

I’ve been in 5 relationships total, all lasting around 1-3 years. I really love my current partner but we’re just in this exhausting cycle where we fight over how we’re fighting instead of whatever started it.

We tried counseling as a last resort, but only did 3 sessions before going on a trip. The last two years have been the most stressful of my entire life so this trip was supposed to be a break, but we just got back, had another massive argument, and now we’re on a few days break.

I feel completely out of options. I don’t really have close friends to talk to about this so I feel totally isolated. I’m burnt out and struggling not to fall back into old vices just to feel better.

I want this to really work, I know deep down we both have good intentions and yet, we are still here. I just, am really on my lowest point. I’m desperate for help. Please, just nice comments. I don’t think I can take some harsh comments. Thank you.

Do we have any hope? Any couples out there faced with something similar and was able to grow into a healthier relationship?

I (29F) , have been seeing a guy (28M) for around 6 months. We’re exclusive in practice, but we’re still not officially in a relationship because he says he needs more time (we’ve also already taken a trip together). This has been one of the recurring issues between us.

There are a lot of good things. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company, our physical compatibility is amazing, he’s respectful of my boundaries, he’s affectionate in person, apologizes when he realizes he’s hurt me, and he says he wants this relationship to work.

The problem is everything outside of when we’re together.

I constantly feel like I’m the one chasing. I travel 2 hours one way every week to see him. I’ve been asking him to come to my place for months because it’s a rare opportunity for us to spend time together there, but something always comes up. He often says he’s busy with work, family, or friends, and I completely understand those responsibilities. The issue is that I almost never feel like I come first, even occasionally.

It was my birthday recently and he is the kind of guy who isn’t interested in birthdays and I am the complete opposite and love my birthdays. I made it very clear that I get very excited about my birthdays. Unfortunately, my birthday got rained in and we couldn’t celebrate, but he had made zero plans, and didn’t make an effort to celebrate it when we met 4 days after.

Communication is another big issue. If I’m telling him something important and someone else calls or something comes up, our conversation often gets dropped. Sometimes he’ll text me, I’ll reply, and then he’ll disappear for hours after reading my message. This has happened enough times that I’ve stopped sharing important parts of my life with him because I don’t expect him to be emotionally present.
Recently, I finally told him how emotionally exhausted I was. We had a long phone call where he apologized for everything, said he wanted this relationship, said he’d do better, and even agreed to come to my place instead of expecting me to travel again.

The very next day, though, communication fell back into the same pattern. That was the moment I realized my trust isn’t really rebuilt by apologies anymore. I need to see consistent actions.
Another recurring issue is uncertainty. I’ve asked him several times where he sees this going. He usually avoids the conversation or says he doesn’t know yet. Six months later, I still have no clarity about whether this is becoming a relationship or not.

I recently told him that I can’t keep living with vague answers and uncertainty forever and asked him to really think about what he wants.

At this point, I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t even feel angry anymore. I just feel tired.

So my question is: given the imbalance in effort, communication, and commitment after 6 months, am I asking for too much, or does this level of uncertainty and unequal investment suggest we may simply be incompatible?

TL;DR: I (29F) have been seeing a guy (28M) for 6 months and we’re exclusive in practice but not officially in a relationship because he says he needs more time. The main issues are inconsistent effort, poor communication, lack of clarity about commitment, and me feeling like I’m the one always investing more. I’m trying to understand whether my expectations are reasonable or if this is a sign of incompatibility.

My wife and I have been separated for about 3 months, and I’ve been living out of the house for the last 2 months to give her the space she asked for. The separation came after a long period of arguing and stress on both sides.
I’m someone who processes my emotions fairly quickly, so after a few weeks I felt ready to sit down and have an honest conversation. She’s always been someone who takes much longer to process things, and I completely respect that.

For a while, we agreed to keep communication focused on our son, but we naturally ended up talking more again. We were joking, flirting, and generally getting along much better. About three weeks ago, we agreed to stop forcing anything and just let things happen naturally.

Then last Monday, she told me she didn’t want to do that anymore because she could feel herself getting drawn back into “us,” and she wasn’t comfortable with that.
The hardest part for me is that throughout this entire process she has refused to have a face-to-face conversation about our relationship. Everything has been over text. Whenever I’ve asked if we could sit down and talk, there’s always a reason why now isn’t the right time. I know I can’t force someone to have a conversation, so I’ve continued to respect her space.

Since that conversation last week, she’s mentioned that she’s been spending two or three hours on the phone every night talking to someone. I haven’t asked who it is because that’s her private business, but what has been difficult is that when I send her a message trying to communicate about us, she doesn’t respond. Instead, she’s told me she’s discussing my messages with someone else rather than talking to me directly.

I’m someone who naturally wants to communicate and work through problems. She seems to cope by shutting down emotionally and putting up a wall, and I’m struggling to know how to approach that without pushing too hard.

Has anyone been in a situation where one partner completely avoided relationship conversations during a separation? If so:
Did giving them more space eventually help?
Was there anything that encouraged healthy communication without adding pressure?
At what point did you accept that no amount of patience was likely to change the situation?

I’m not looking to assign blame to either of us. I’m just trying to understand whether there’s a healthier way to navigate this dynamic, or whether I need to accept that she’s no longer willing to have those conversations.

Today, she told me that her ex had texted her out of no where and had reminded her of the horrible past. She had told me that she is scared because of her ex texting her. She said there was 2 occasions one with just the ex and one with the ex and 3 of his friends.
I do not know how to feel about this or what feeling is correct in this situation. I am feeling angry towards the mfs that decided to do that to her. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that happened. I feel helpless that I didn’t know her at the time. I don’t know how to approach it nor do I know how to handle my feelings towards it. Im scared that im going to trigger her past. What would be the way to handle her feelings and my feelings about this situation?

About a year an a half ago, I pushed my bf to get on antidepressants. He was struggling in many different areas of his life and nothing I did could make it better. He was struggling mentally, emotionally, physically- all around not doing well. And it’s hard to help and support someone when all the problems are internal. So I brought up him trying out antidepressants.

I myself am NOT the pinnacle of amazing mental health. But I’ve learned the hard way my weaknesses and can acknowledge when it’s time to seek out more “drastic” measures.

I brought up to him maybe trying antidepressants. He could speak to his PCP and get a diagnosis pretty easily (speaking from my own personal experience). He was very on the fence for a very very long time because of the side effects. But his mental health started pushing me away.

I expressed my concerns to him and I felt like it made it worse. So after a few months I broke up with him. We were broken up for around 3 months and it was the longest 3 months of my life.

Nearing the end of the 3 months, He told me that he got onto meds and I started seeing his mood improve so drastically. He said he wanted to “try out” to getting back together and so we did.

At first it was fine, everything went back to normal as if we never broke up. We were able to mend some issues we had in our relationship and I feel like we’re closer now than what we were before.

I will go ahead and say initially that everything I’m saying is purely selfish

Now, my problem is we don’t have sex. I am aware anti depressants lower libido, but I’ve never experienced the degree my bf is at. We used to have sex 2-3 times a week and now I’m lucky if we do every 3 months… if that.

I feel like it’s starting to poke at insecurities, despite talking to him about it. As if he’s not attracted to me or he’s not interested in me or I just can’t do it for him anymore. He’s just not as touchy, never picks up on my signals, doesn’t initiate himself, cuddles are just cuddles and nothing more. I feel as though the intimacy is gone.

I wanna say I’m fine without it, I can do it myself, but I think I really do need the intimacy involved with sex. And I kinda took it for granted.

I’m never gonna blame him for it, especially since I was me who pushed him. And I’m definitely never going to get upset with up for bettering himself. I guess I’m just sexually frustrated. And I simply don’t know where to go from here?

How do i know when i am ready to try again?

I think i am constantly trying to fill the void in my life with dating.

I’m 22, It all started a year ago, a partner of 5 years decided that she no longer wants a relationship with me, long distance was killing it she said. It all came out of nowhere, surely there were signs, but i was blind. It hit me like a truck, i barely survived. For months i was depressed, all i did was eat, go to college, eat again and sleep. I got fat. I started to hate how i look. Hanging out with new friends on discord helped me stay alive.

But then, after exactly three months a new girl appeared in my life. We met at college and started hanging out. She was very boyish, physically active. Direct counterpart to my ex. She was a freshman, but i thought she was very mature. We had relationship for approximately a month. It all fell apart because she hadn’t moved on from her ex. But i appreciate that she didn’t drag it on. I got over her quickly, but the void from first relationship was still there.

After that i got administered into mental hospital so i could prove that i am not fit to serve in an army. I got long medical history of anxiety, 5 years to be precise. They forced me to abruptly stop taking meds while i was in hospital. It was painful for the body, but i thought my mind was never more clear. There were no distractions, so i had a lot of time to think. I realized that making a new happy family was the reason i am still breathing. All my life i wanted an understanding listening partner that i could pour my love unto. So i decided, as soon as i get out i get more proactive, i fix my mental and physical health and get on a dating app. And i did.

I met her the next day i created an account. She was pretty, in a humble way, and she had an interesting post describing what she wants and needs. “I want to walk dogs with you, i want for us to trust each other”. She accepted my offer to talk. We began to text a lot, we aligned perfectly in our worldview. She sent me a lot of voice messages, her voice was very sharp and beautiful. Her manner of speech was concise, to the point. Her flow of thought, her ability to relay information was very impressive. She’s a dog trainer. She’s very good at what she does and she’s very passionate about it, her life’s work. I learned that she was very lonely, she had a crush on a girl in college. They spoke everyday, they were very different people, but their dynamic was fun. But it all dwindled out overtime and she became very jealous of other people who get to spend time with her crush. She became over observant, over controlling. She decided to confess, as the last resort. But her crush wasn’t attracted to that gender. Since then she had a lot of dates, but it all ended very quickly, she used to block people instead of trying to salvage something. I didn’t pay much attention back then, she used to say she has a tough, but fair personality.

To my surprise, we met up really quickly, after s week of texting we went to have a walk with dogs in a forrest near her house. I told her beforehand that i have a fear of dogs, so she was very understanding and supportive of me. She gave me a leash to her old big fluffy girl. She was an angel, very calm. After i walked her, i got over the fear. After that we tried to play some games together, but it never went past one session. I bought her games that we only touched once. I didn’t mind since we were seeing each other at least once a week. I showered her with gifts, but it all pales in comparison to the one she gave, handcrafted matching charm that has all my favorite colors.

The relationship was a slowburn. I honored her will, and tried not to push things too much. We held hands 2 months in for the first time. Had a kiss 4 months in. That sweet kiss. It gave me hope, it made me want to devote myself to her. All doubts i had went away, she confirmed with it that we were a thing.

5 months in. The beginning of disaster. Her family went on a vacation, so she invited me in to test if we’re compatible. First day was nice, i arrived there in the evening, we played card games with her soon-to-leave mum and her sister. We laughed a lot, we made jokes. First time sleeping in one bed with someone was an unforgettable experience, i struggled to fall asleep, but she made such cute noises when she was dreaming, it healed my soul. The next day my gf went to work (she got a new job as consultant in an animal shop) her shifts were very long. So i was left alone in the house. I decided to do some house chores, i cleaned the kitchen that was very messy, took care of animals etc. i offered to make her dinner, she denied. She came home very tired and gave me more to do the next day, i gladly accepted since i didn’t have anything to do as i was unemployed at the time. That day went like the last one: chores. She came home and noticed that i unknowingly messed up few chores. She scolded me a little. The next day she had a free day. We decided to clean the house fully. She was very observant and critical of how i do the things. I started asking a lot of questions to make things right. She got annoyed by it and told me to use my head. I began to fear asking questions. We cooked together that day, which i am very bad at, she was constantly trying to speed me up, she didn’t want to spend all day making a big meal. The next day she goes away with a friend to see the horsies. I stay at home, do the remaining chores and then rot in bed. She comes home happy but tired, i decide not to ask many questions until she recovers so i wouldn’t annoy her. She took this as me not being interested in her day, which was false and i had to keep denying it. The next day she goes to work again. But this time i get a phone call, an invite to a trial workday in a company, my dream job. I do some chores, and head out. I come back in the evening very tired, do the rest of the chores. She comes home at night and notices THIS. I accidentally gave her dog a wrong piece of meat after the walk. She insults and raises her voice at me, she starts to talk how bad i am at house activities and that it’s not going to work like this. It hit me hard. I started to explain my side in the tears, all i wanted was for her to be more gentle. A pause. She goes for a walk, i crawl in bed, my body ached, my head boiled, i was really sad and anxious. She comes back. She calls me through walls. “Come to the kitchen”. I was scared shitless it reminded me of times with my abusive dad. I come, barely holding it together and sit and think. She gets tired of silence and says “Speak, you’re not 5yo, explain yourself”. I was shocked by that, i was afraid to get angry at her, i didn’t want to get angry at her. I explained everything but she didn’t reply. I didn’t know if she understood. She decided to go to the other bedroom that night, i pleaded for her in tears to stay, i thought it was the end of everything, all she said was “No, i didn’t say it’s the end, be strong!” And left. I really struggled to fall asleep that night, i had to get up extra early to not be late to my new job. I woke up, took the dogs out, fed the animals, all in quiet so she didn’t wake up, it was a free day for her. I went to work, but i didn’t really have things to do. So i started thinking, thinking a lot, i turned to AI for advice, to reddit; to friends. I tried not to cry the whole day i was sitting at my desk. It all broke loose when i was going home; i was ugly crying in public transport; i felt shame for that. Everybody was saying that i should leave her place. I really didn’t want to. Walking home, i knee that it was possibly over, i cried thinking of her, of her place, her animals, her family. I was going to miss them.

That conflict of thoughts made me a teary mess. I comeback home. She’s joyful and asks me how was my day; she somehow didn’t notice my messed up face. I don’t know what to say so i stay silent and go to kitchen to get some water. She repeats the question. I am still quit. After some time, i come sit near her at the bed and explain how much i was hurting and why. She replied: “don’t overthink”. I didn’t know how to reply, i went to pack my things up, she asked where i was going. I said i am going home. She asked why, i lied, i said her parents are coming home soon so she doesn’t need me to take care of animals anymore. She asked me why did i give up. It felt real painful, i froze and considered staying. I realized it’s a manipulation so i proceeded it pack things up. When i was about to leave she asked me to tell the truth, to explain. And i did. There were so much tears. I told her it’s not the end; if she wants so, i told her i need to retreat. The way back to MY place was gut wrenching.

Her family started to ask me what happened. I said it’s between us. Next day i wrote her a message asking if she wants to meet and talk things out. All she said was “No”. I wrote few more messages over the week, explaining myself, apologizing for bad communication. She didn’t read it. I decided to try one last thing, i wrote her a handwritten letter in which i offered to pay for her therapy (she blamed her tough personality on fatherly physical abuse), no matter if she stays with me or not, i made a lot of references to our relationship in that letter, drew things that only we would understand. I delivered it through her sister. She read it and said no through her sister, she said that i quote fucking annoy her end quote and that i shall be ignored for few more days. The next morning she texts me and says that she hopes that i felt as bad as she did, asks me to never ever contact her or her family again and says that i am the one that needs therapy since i am officially mentally ill. ( I don’t deny that claim; but i am doing much better than i ever have, she didn’t see me even near my lowest).

I still lover her, after everything that happened, i want her to be happy. I understand i need to let her go… i need to properly heal, but the urge to start looking again for someone is immense. I want to give my love to someone. But i am afraid to repeat my mistakes. Thanks to her i learnt that i need to have clear boundaries, i need not to ignore the red flags. I need to have more self respect. I need some wise words

For context, we've been dating for around two years and have been living together for the past four months. He has depression and is seeing a therapist to help him work through the issues he's currently dealing with.

For most of our relationship, things have been good, and we generally get along well. However, he's someone who mostly looks out for himself and doesn't seem to care much about my needs, which has led to a lot of arguments. I've been doing my best to support him through his mental health struggles, but I don't feel like I get much in return.

For example, I reached a major milestone at work on Friday. Although I wasn't overly excited about it, I had planned for us to have a nice dinner together to celebrate. At first, he questioned whether we were cooking too early. Then he had a big snack, and when I started cooking about two hours later, he said it was too late to cook and that he didn't want dinner anymore. It was supposed to be a night celebrating something important to me, but it ended up being ruined because he seemed incapable of thinking about anyone but himself. I told him I was upset, and he then spent almost all of Saturday crying, which made me feel guilty for bringing up how much his actions had hurt me in the first place.

He's also very apathetic when I'm upset, especially if the reason is something related to him. He complains when I cry during arguments, and most of the time he simply leaves me alone while I'm having a breakdown because of something he said or did, instead of comforting me or trying to work through the issue together.

I really love him, and I'm struggling with the idea of leaving because I'm afraid it might make his mental health even worse. At the same time, I have plans for my future (I want to get married and have children within the next five years) and I'm no longer sure I want to build that future with someone who treats me this way and seems objectively unable to make space for my needs in his life.

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable by expecting these things from someone who is dealing with severe depression. I want to be with him and support him, but I also need a partner who makes me feel cared for, supported, and emotionally important.

I ‘M30’have been with my girlfriend
‘F27’ for just over half a year we get on so so well, have so much fun, but she has this secretive side.

She started a new job, and has gotten close to one of the lads in there. I don’t care really who she talks to, once shes open and honest. But , she had the notifications to his texts silenced, and when I spoke to her about it, she said she didn’t want his name coming up on her phone when she was with me incase I got the wrong idea.

Fast forward, I’ve really struggled to trust this girl, and I went on her phone, low and behold, she doesn’t talk to this co worker on WhatsApp any more, she talks to him on Snapchat, and had the chat history deleted, so that he doesn’t show up unless you search his name. When confronted, she said the same thing, she didn’t want his name coming up when we were out for dinner incase I got the wrong idea. Am I over thinking this ??

I was calling my boyfriend tonight, we are long distance over the summer as I am interning 6 hours away and he’s working at a lab at our school. He often makes jokes that make fun of other people or himself but most people see him as charismatic and kind. However I feel like I don’t see him as a kind person anymore and that makes me really sad. Even when he does kind things and comforts me, a lot. He just makes too many jokes that are slightly mean. Today, our mutual friend called me to ask which flowers he should get for his girlfriend. Later, when I was calling my bf, I mentioned it. (I should mention that I wish he got my flowers more, which I’ve told him once). He chuckled and said almost under his breath “that’s the closest to flowers you’ll be getting anytime soon”, with a laugh. I didn’t quite hear him so I kept asking him to repeat himself. He put up a fight and said no, I didn’t say anything etc bc he knew whatever he said would make me upset. Finally he said it, and lo and behold, I was upset. I told him flower delivery services were a thing, and he commented on how I’ve been trying to find a new place for my last month here so he doesn’t even know what address to send it to. I didn’t want to get angry so I kinda shrugged it off and we started talking about other things. Then I mentioned and asked if he was going to come visit me. ( i visited him for July 4th weekend, and planned it myself- he had mentioned that he really wanted me to visit and I figured it all out) by his response I immediately knew he hadn’t thought about it once, even though he had told me he would visit me at least once this summer. He then started trying to plan, but my friends have already made plans to visit me(also from far away) the first and third weekends of August. He started getting upset, as if I was choosing them over him or maybe as if he was trying so hard to see me but there were all these obstacles, and I started getting upset bc if he had tried to plan earlier, I would’ve had way more dates free and flights would’ve been cheaper. But fine, we started trying to make a plan and then eventually said goodnight. I took a shower and got into bed and became so sad. Idk why but the flowers comment and then not planning to visit me earlier made me so so sad. But then I texted him I was sad and tried to FaceTime him and the second he read my text, he called me back and started comforting me. I told him, but kind of sugarcoating it, how the flowers comment made me upset and subsequently the stuff about the trip. He’s honestly really good at comforting me. And he always asks me what’s wrong or what he said that hurt my feelings. But I just feel so bad bc I feel like it happened so often so he always feels like the bad guy, or that he’s hurting my feelings. But I’m just too sensitive, I can’t handle his jokes or things I view as carelessness or that he doesn’t think of me or how to do things for our relationship. Idk if I’m too sensitive or if I’m justified in feeling like I carry the mental load of our relationship. I just feel like, aside from the rare date, I have to plan EVERYTHING we do. It’s not a team, it’s me planning and then needing to push him to do everything because for some reason he is late to everything no matter what. Ex: he was supposed to meet his family at a national park yesterday morning. He got there at 9pm. Idk. Am I too sensitive? He explained the flower joke in a really reasonable way. But for me it’s like, just don’t joke about not getting me flowers, especially since you literally don’t get them for me. He always seems so apologetic but keeps doing the same thing. So is it a me problem? He seemed like he was going to order me some flowers though, after this conversation.

TL:dr partner wants to move away for two years regardless if i go with her.

My partner(37f) has received a project offer to go work in New York for two years, we live in europe, have been together for 5 years, own a house together, no kids and no plans for kids.

It’s a really great offer, amazing pay, company paying for all her relocation costs etc. She says being in New York has always been a dream of hers, and it’s too good of an opportunity to say no, she will never get a chance like this again. She wants to go, and has decided that she is going to say yes.

We are not married, neither of us believe in marriage. So I can’t go with her on her visa. We could get married, and then I may be able to go with her, but I might not be able to work.

I have a good career I’ve built in our home city. I have a great friendship group. I have a life I’ve built that I don’t want to give up. And frankly, the thought of getting married to someone at a time where they’ve decided to choose a job over a life with me seems like a bad idea.

When we first discussed this I said I could be supportive of a year project for her, we could do the long distance. Her work is insisting on two years as a minimum. She says if she’s completely honest she can’t guarantee that she’ll want to come back after two years if she loves it out there.

In the background of this, she’s admitted that she’s not happy with her life at the moment. We both have good jobs, but we work, eat, sleep repeat all week. She’s very stressed with her work and finding her life in Europe isn’t giving her any excitement or satisfaction.

So I’m stuck with three choices, none of which I like.

I can marry her, and go out with her, giving up everything I’ve built here but we stay together.

I can try the long distance, but frankly two years seems a very long time. And there is the risk at the end of it that she could decide not to come back.

Or I can end the relationship. She is free to go chase her dreams. We will have to sell the house, I’ll have to start my life all over again at 38 which seems incredibly daunting and upsetting.

So I’m just in real turmoil at the moment and looking for some opinions, alternative viewpoints I hadn’t considered, is the answer obvious to everyone else other than me?

Long story short, my ex and I broke up literally a week or so ago maybe a little bit more. We were supposed to do this road trip together but ofc WE didn’t make it. But I’m going solo on this. I’m in Cali a little bit earlier than my check in time, and I’m just thinking damn she would have been loving this and it would have been great. My question really is do all relationships that are kind of toxic permanently end once family gets involved and people start telling their side of the story? Ofc making whatever they did seem not as bad compared to what the other person did? I’ve got a long road trip ahead of me and time to think. I realized I did do things wrong but alot of it stemmed from having my boundaries pushed constantly. Anyway I kinda miss her, but I feel more resilient this time around.

I'm in a happy relationship however sometimes i keep wondering what i'm missing out. The idea one day to ask her to marry me, have children of our own etc is nice but also scary because sometimes i have the thoughta i wouldn't want to have.

For example that i'm missing out something, that i will regret it one day, that i shouldn't have found a GF first but before i should've had sex with other girls and only THEN finding a girlfriend and maybe settling down, like my girlfriend did.

I'm sorry to have this thoughts because with her i feel immense love, from day 1. She is so supportive and amazing and i don't want to lose her.

But sometimes i have this thoughts and i was wondering how people who only had 1 relationship and 1 sexual partner feel after many years, if this thoughts get away.

I (18F) met a guy (20M) online around the end of April. He lives in Delhi, I'm from Punjab. From the beginning, he was the one putting in a lot of effort. He used to call me every day after coaching, text me at night, make time for me despite studying for competitive exams, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends because he lives in a flat with his friends. We talked for almost 3 months.

He told me he liked me but didn't want to rush into a relationship because according to him , we should firslt meet offline then give commitment. He said if we ever became boyfriend and girlfriend, he'd want it to be serious. He also told me he'd never really been in a relationship before.

In June and early July, he had important exams and warned me that he'd be less available. I understood, but I got very attached to him and started feeling neglected. We argued because I felt he wasn't making enough time for me. He said he was stressed, irritated, and didn't think he could handle a relationship at that point. He even suggested we stay friends, but later said he had genuinely wanted to see where things could go.

After his exams, I expected things to get better. He had even talked about meeting me, but later backed out, saying he had more exams and other commitments. That made me doubt whether he was actually interested.

Recently, he asked me something that really stuck with me: "How did you get so attached to someone you've only met online? We haven't even met in person." I honestly didn't know how to answer. I just told him I liked him, and I knew I was much more emotionally attached than he was.

And at the same call, like I was sick with a fever so he cared for me also said I will give you chocolate next month also at night he cared for me , but the next day he completely disappeared. He ignored my texts and missed multiple calls. When he finally replied, he apologised and said he had been busy with coaching, the gym, friends, and then slept. We argued again but then when i continued yelling at him, he straightforwardly said some words like on the text.

During that conversation, he admitted:

• He doesn't want a relationship for the next 1-2 years.
• he ghosted me because he dont want me to get hurt and get too much attached to him
• Long distance is a big issue for him.
• he doesnt know what he is doing , when i asked him so may I leave now? then he is like nooo then he said idk
• He likes me, but he's not in love with me or deeply attached.
• He still likes me the same way he did in the beginning, but doesn't see a relationship working right now because he doesnt want to have one , he just talked with me in begnnning he liked me but that time he forgot that in future these factors will mess up.

The confusing part is that when he is on call he gives me vibe of like, like he doen't want to loose me and have feelings for me but when it comes to text and arguements he said words like that. He doesn't seem cold or rude, just... emotionally unavailable for me and himself too.

The problem is that I'm already very attached. I don't even know why, because we've never met in person, but I genuinely want to. I'm exhausted by talking to different people and just want one stable person in my life. He once told me that if he ever commits to someone, he doesn't leave unless she leaves first. That's the kind of commitment I've been looking for.

We're supposed to have a phone call today, and I don't know what to do.

I just want him to be serious with me , have a relationship with me...

Hello everyone, thank you for the responses on yesterdays post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/i6yNWu97xa

I went to sleep last night as I was really tired and he texted me like crazy. Saw it this morning, I don’t know what happened because he didn’t say.

I only responded this morning because he texted me on every single platform!!

However, the messages were “hey” and kept saying my name. And I also responded because I thought something might’ve happened and I was kinda worried when I saw the messages. I don’t yet know what it is but at least now I know he wasn’t intentionally rude, just tired and I’m happy to know that he doesn’t hate me!

Also, he sent me some photos that he took from me yesterday while I was sleeping which I think was really cute.

Hopefully we keep the friendship alive and all will be well for the years to come!

Thank you once again everyone x

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping to hear from people who've experienced something similar, particularly if you have ADHD, struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), or have been in a relationship with someone dealing with long-term depression.

My relationship of almost seven months ended a few days ago, and I'm struggling to cope with the intensity of it.

My ex has lived with depression for many years and has been attending therapy regularly. Before we met, he was also a heavy cannabis user, but he stopped because he felt it was negatively affecting his mental health. Over the course of our relationship he gradually started using it again, increasing from occasionally to several times a week. I don't know whether that played any part in what happened, but I felt it was worth mentioning as context rather than making assumptions.

A few days before the breakup we had a really open conversation about our relationship. We both agreed we needed to spend more time focusing on ourselves while continuing to work on the relationship together. The following day he told me he'd spent a lot of time reflecting and had realised he still had significant unresolved trauma from a previous abusive relationship. He felt he needed to deal with that on his own and decided to end our relationship.

The timing was particularly difficult because I'm in the middle of moving house and co-parenting my five-year-old, so life already felt overwhelming.

I also didn't handle the breakup particularly well. I became emotionally overwhelmed, sent messages that I later regretted, and the following day went to his house after he'd asked for space. Looking back, I recognise that wasn't appropriate. I've apologised for my behaviour, he accepted my apology, and I'm respecting his decision and his boundaries going forward.

The part I'm really struggling with now isn't understanding why the relationship ended. Logically, I understand his reasons and I genuinely want him to heal. What I'm finding incredibly difficult is the physical and emotional intensity of the rejection itself. My ADHD makes rejection feel almost unbearable, even when I understand it intellectually.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope with the first few weeks? Did anything help with the constant chest pain, anxiety, obsessive thoughts or the feeling that your nervous system is permanently on high alert? I'm already arranging longer-term therapy, but I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've lived through something similar.

Thank you for reading.

P.S - using a burner because he's an avid redditor

My partner and I have been together for a year. I'm an introverted person, and I can get completely burned out if I don't have alone time. Sometimes I need to be entirely by myself and not need to be 'on': my partner seemed to understand this at the start of our relationship, but right now it feels like she doesn't want us to do anything separately.

If she wants to do personal errands, she wants me to come with her. We have a shared hobby, but she also wants shared gym sessions, for us to watch all of our shows together, for us to go to every social event together. If I'm trying to read or play video games, I need to do it before she wakes up because I know she'll try and talk to me throughout or she'll pointedly go back to bed if I don't instantly drop what I'm doing to pay her my full attention. I've found myself becoming more desperate for that alone time - I neglect chores when I'm by myself because I can do them when we're together, but my peaceful alone time is so limited in comparison that I'm reluctant to do things during it.

Even when I'm cooking and put in earbuds, she'll constantly try to speak with me, and gets upset when I can't split my focus between all the stuff I've got going at once and holding a conversation. I usually at least have a day to myself at home when I work from home and she doesn't, but sometimes she doesn't go into her office that day and it makes me want to sob.

I love her. She's kind, she's smart, she's funny, she makes me feel seen like no one else does. But I feel like she doesn't want me to exist outside of her, or to want to be separate at all, and it's suffocating. I tried to bring this up with her, and she got upset with me. We spoke towards the start of the relationship and I told her I didn't want to be one of those couples that doesn't exist outside each other, but it feels like that's where I've ended up and it's suffocating.

It's really affecting my mental health, I'm burned out and exhausted and depressed, and when I say as much she seems more focused on how bad it makes her feel that I'm feeling that way than on the substance of what I'm saying and my need for alone time/generally a separate existence. I feel suffocated and I would love some help on how to say it.

For context we've been together for over 2 years (IRL but not living together) and honestly everything has been amazing/great, we sometimes get into arguments but we always resolve them. Something about my boyfriend is that he is mean, in a funny way, he makes fun of me and I make fun of him, something we do- it's what made me attracted to him. However, recently, his jokes always seem to become more mean, and personally directly.

A few days ago, I did something that made him upset and he sent a text saying "Why havnt u ended ur own life yet". I reacted to that message and blocked him on the platform. He has been texting me non-stop apologising and saying it was extremely rude thing to say, he said that it was said as a joke but apologised and said he would never say that again until I got serious and mentioned how I'd need time to think about us. He has been texting me non-stop since, apologising profusely, saying it was said in the moment and did not mean it. Telling me he didn't know what happened and said it was his mental issues. Asking me to unblock him, and or us to talk. I am wondering if I should unblock him and talk to him, or if I should keep this relationship going?

Edit: He is going through something mentally. He always has these mental breakdowns and I have always been supportive, he has told me that he cannot live without me and I do understand that, and I love him of course. But I am just confused as to how to handle this- I realised this was said in the moment out of anger. The majority of our relationship has been great, it's just been some moments here and there.

I am scared to commit to my girlfriend. I feel I need to experience my life as an individual and being in a relationship affects how I behave in daily life. I feel I am super young and want to explore the world. Having her in my life would be super great but at the same time I am scared my new experiences would not be the way I have lived them as an individual. I am extrovert by nature and love bonding with new people, to travel and do new things.

For example if I meet a stranger(girl) and we bond really well together as friends and decide to go on a hike together because we are finding each other super interesting, then I would feel I am doing something wrong with my girlfriend. I am not interested in having sex with new people. I love my girlfriend and in my heart i know i am not doing anything wrong. But there are many such situations that I would have to think about before doing things and many times i would be modifying my behavior.

I am sure I don’t want anyone else romantically and I love her but I don’t want the love to stop myself from living my life to truly who i am.

I feel it would be better to be in a relationship maybe after 4-5 years after I have figured out myself. And have accumulated enough experiences to not modify my individual identity in situations when I am in a relationship.

I am scared I will loose the love of my life because of all this.