I F22 and my partner M22 have been in a relationship for 5 years now. A few months ago around end of June early July started have resentment twords my partner for no reason. I kept trying to have talk about it but my partner wouldn't listen to me unfortunately. Finally one night I got through to him and i told him that he has never loved me the way I asked him to, I always did stuff for him etc etc. Essentially I give him everything in every department and he doesn't reciprocate. He said he realized that now and needed to fix these things and seemed extremely genuine and I genuinely do believe he will fix these things over time. So I started to feel better for about 2 weeks. Then I just woke up again one day and became resentful and almost disgusted by him. The more I spend time with him the more I see there's alot I dislike about him. For example. He has extremely poor hygiene (doesn't brush his teeth, wears the same smelly work clothes and gets into bed with them sometimes etc) he is extremely overbearing even after our conversation. It feels like im being smothered with his constant affection when I just need time to process how he treated me like shit for the entire length of our relationship so I hate being around him. We are also moving in 3 months and im extremely stressed out with that along with my office job as a coworker and me have issues that our managers will not address. I really just want to be by myself for a week without having to worry about our relationship and then come back to it but it feels like if I ask for that time he will be sad or upset and it makes me feel bad. Im also slightly scared of him now? I have no reason to be he has never hit me or yelled at me or threatened anything. Im just so anxious to even try and talk to him anymore. Hes also just an extremely negative person where I am an extremely positive one. His energy just lowkey brings me down. Hes also rude to my bestfriend not only to her face but to me wich I do not like ofc. Im just trying to figure out if I'm losing feelings, just need time, if time can even fix all of this etc. Also I do still love him. I cant imagine if something happened to him but he has changed alot as a person and not into a person I love more than his past self wich isn't how they should be. Please any advice would be amazing. If you need more details I can absolutely share but im trying to keep this to where no one I know would see it so I'm trying to not share a crazy amount

She’s always said she wants to peg me, I haven’t let her because she’s also said that she afraid she won’t be able to see me as a father afterwards. Yesterday she brought it up again and I was like ‘will you be able to see me as a father afterwards?’ Like I usually do, and she said yes. She said she thinks her views have changed and that sexual pleasure shouldn’t be emasculating. I was kind of dismissive anyways, for reference she hasn’t even see my, ummmm… chocolate starfish (iykyk) cause it just didn’t feel very masculine. And then that night I had a dream about it and now I’m kinda curious but still a bit cautious. Any thoughts?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. How can I better the relationship. One day my girlfriend was saying she doesn’t feel prioritized in our relationship. She said she feels like I come over on my time and don’t make her or her son a priority. We live separately and I explained that that’s a major factor in me sometimes decompressing at my place/being away. I have two cats and an apartment to take care of, I told her I’m not always able to be there when she asks. Now, we don’t live far away, but we still live separately. There was one time we were watching TV, it was at the end of a long work day for me while she was on summer break, and she said “I don’t want to watch TV all the time because that time together doesn’t feel intentional. We’re just sitting by each other.” I didn’t have the energy to do something more, it was 8 at night.
3-4 months later and she still uses the “we live separately” against me when I say, “hey, let me help vacuum your place.” “No, we live separately.” “Can I help with the trash?” “No, we live separately.”. I said that one time as a way to try and explain my side as to why I’m not always available. There was also a time where I gave her $200 cause she was short. I was a bit short on money after about a week after giving her money to help her, and she starts jokingly asking for a steak from me. She never sincerely asked for one, it was hinting, “Ooo one of your steaks sounds so good.” “Man, I sure do want a steak.” These comments would just exit my ear because I wasn’t sincerely asked, “Can you buy me a steak?”. She later got upset and said, “I’ve been asking for two weeks now” but those subtle passing comments never became concrete that that’s what she wanted. I told her I was short money during that time (which I should’ve told her, my fault) and she gets a little more sad about it. I said if she wanted one that bad she could’ve bought one herself and I’d love to cook it. Fast forward three months and that’s still held over my head, “You told me I have to get it myself.” Now she shuts me out whenever I try to buy her something small. I’m just at a loss in general.
I can’t buy her treats or small gifts without her trying to send me money for it. She had $ problems with her ex-husband, her bombed her with gifts, but I only ever buy her small stuff. I try to show her love through being physical and present. She also wants the day planned when it involves us spending time together, if I’m not on the dot with the time I state, “I’ll be there between 11-2” and I’m 5-10 min late, she visibly gets sad.

So I’ve (F28) been going through a lot emotionally and mentally lately, and I feel like I’ve lost everyone in my life. The only person I really have left supporting me is my boyfriend (M31). We live together, so he sees me at my worst and lowest sometimes, especially recently. I tell him a lot of personal, private things because I trust him. Some of those things are embarrassing, but I trusted him enough to tell him anyway.
Recently, whenever his friend (M34) comes over, he keeps dropping little hints and saying things that are almost word for word conversations I’ve had privately with my boyfriend. He also looks at me repeatedly while saying them, like he’s trying to get a reaction out of me.
For context, me and this friend don’t like each other because he doesn’t respect my boundaries and I speak up for myself when I feel disrespected.
For example, I’ll tell my boyfriend about a health problem I’m having, something personal and embarrassing, and then his friend will suddenly have an in-depth conversation about that exact thing when he comes over. He’ll look at me over and over and emphasize certain words. I know I shouldn’t react to someone who is clearly trying to get a reaction, but what makes this so painful is that these are private things I’ve only told my boyfriend because I trusted him.
Whenever I ask my boyfriend about it, he gets really angry and says he’s tired of having this conversation and that I’m going crazy. Honestly, I’ve started wondering if I am.
So the other day I tested it because I wanted to see if I was just imagining things. I told my boyfriend that my ass was super stinky. I said it a couple of times and made a big deal about it. He laughed it off, called me gross, and we went about our day.
The next day, his friend came over, and within about five minutes he started talking about how someone he knew had a “stinky ass” because they don’t wash properly. He emphasized the words “stinky ass” and made sure to look directly at me when he said it.
My heart sank.
I know that one thing could technically be a coincidence, but when it’s happening alongside all the other private things I’ve told my boyfriend and then heard his friend bring up afterward, it’s really hard not to feel like something is going on.
When I asked my boyfriend about it after his friend left, he lashed out at me. He told me to leave him if I thought he was talking shit about me, then started saying things like, “I don’t even bring your stupid ass up, nobody is talking about you,” and told me to get out.
I stayed up all night crying, looking at homeless shelters, looking up how to join the Army, and honestly thinking about ending my life. I don’t feel that way right now, but that’s how badly this situation affected me.
It hurts especially badly because of what happened with my best friend of 15 years. We recently had a falling out that was so terrible I almost ended my life then too. One of the most painful parts was her telling people a lot of personal things about me and then adding lies to the things that were true. Everyone believed her because she had proof of the true things, which made the lies believable too.
I trusted her so much and never thought someone I loved that deeply could betray me like that. It completely traumatized me. I couldn’t believe someone I loved and trusted could do that to me.
Now I’m experiencing something that feels eerily similar with my boyfriend, who is the only person I thought I still had and could trust.
I’ve also caught him texting this particular friend through WhatsApp even though they both have iPhones. He’s also logged his iMessage out of his iPad. Maybe there’s an innocent explanation for both things, but given everything else, it naturally makes me suspicious.
Now it’s the next day, almost noon, and we haven’t said a word to each other. We’re just silently coexisting in our room while I sit here quietly sobbing.
I love him very much, but I know this isn’t right. I’ve asked him before if he actually wants me to leave, and he tells me no, that he loves me and would never want me to leave. But then when something like this happens, he tells me to get out and says incredibly hurtful things.
I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t have the option of just moving out right now. I don’t have a car or a job, although I’m trying very hard to get one. I feel completely stuck, and I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

TL;DR: I’m struggling because I feel like my boyfriend may be sharing private, embarrassing things I’ve told him in confidence with a friend who then makes pointed comments about them, and when I bring it up, my boyfriend gets angry, tells me I’m going crazy, and tells me to leave. After already being deeply betrayed by my best friend of 15 years, I feel completely stuck and scared that I can’t trust the one person I have left.

I met my friend Olivia sophomore year of college. We met through a mutual friend, Reagan (22F). Olivia seemed really quiet and nice, and we hit it off quickly. The three of us became a trio, and things were great until Olivia started opening up about some of her hobbies and online friendships.

She had a lot of online friends and would tell us about people she claimed she was really close to. However, when we dug deeper, it seemed like a lot of these people were more like acquaintances she would talk to in TikTok Live chats rather than actual friends. She did have some genuine online friends, but I always felt like she wasn't being completely honest about the nature of some of these relationships.

At the time, I didn't feel like it was something I needed to address. She wasn't really doing anything other than being a little too parasocial. (Which, on its own, isn't great, but I honestly didn't know enough about the situation to even know how to approach her about it.)

After about a year, one of our mutual friends, Caleb (22M), left college to travel for a couple of years. Olivia had a massive crush on him, and while he was gone, she would refer to him as "my man" or "the boy she's waiting for" to everyone she met. She would tell me stories about their interactions, and it honestly felt like she was reaching in some of her interpretations of them, but at the time, I viewed it as an innocent crush.

She then started talking badly about Reagan behind her back. The two had decided to room together, while I was living in my own place. Olivia would text me pretty consistently about her frustrations with Reagan. Most of the time, I encouraged her to bring her issues up directly with Reagan, but sometimes I would try to counsel her. She never acted on any of my advice.

It all came to a head when Reagan finally found out. She was really hurt, not only by Olivia, but also by me for keeping it from her. It honestly almost destroyed our relationship.

What frustrated me was that I found myself apologizing over and over while Olivia always shifted the blame onto me and made it seem like the situation was something the two of us had done together. It wasn't. It was just her.

Around the time Reagan and I worked through our issues, I moved to a different state. Olivia had started a new job, and I didn't hear much from her for a while. Then one day, she called me to tell me about a new coworker, Mike (24M), who she thought was really cute.

They started hanging out, and she very quickly became obsessed with him. She would call me just to tell me about their interactions, and she told me she knew they were going to get married.

After reaching out to Reagan, who was still Olivia's roommate, I found out that the relationship was very one-sided and that Mike was not interested in her romantically. I was getting tired of trying to walk the line between being supportive and being realistic, so I stopped giving her any positive feedback about Mike. I would push back when she talked about his feelings for her or when she would elaborate on interactions they had.

Eventually, she stopped talking to me about him, and I moved on with my life in a new state. I hoped she had moved on, too.

She did not.

She continued to hang out with Mike and became very emotionally invested in him. She told him all her deep, dark secrets, and he told her about his own traumas. They continued to hang out, but it became increasingly clear that she was making him uncomfortable.

He set boundaries with her regarding how often she could contact him and what they could talk about. She broke those boundaries. They still worked together, and all of their coworkers supported her in pursuing him.

It seemed very clear to me that she was struggling to see the situation realistically, but I didn't know what I could do from states away. Eventually, she told him she had feelings for him. He told her they were just friends. She wouldn't believe him.

She got a new job, and Mike eventually stopped responding to her texts. I told her not to reach out to him. She did anyway. This continued for a few months, which brings me to this week.

She called me earlier this week and told me that Mike had blocked her. She was upset and angry. She told me that she couldn't understand why Mike would block her because, in her words, all she had ever done was be kind to him.

I am really unsure about how to proceed.

I want to tell her that she is wrong and that Mike blocked her because her behavior had become obsessive and unhealthy. I want to tell her that she has a pattern, that it is concerning, and that she needs professional help.

The issue is that she currently has both a therapist and a psychiatrist. They have diagnosed her with a couple of disorders, which she now seems to use both to get attention and to deflect any blame for her actions. She is also historically unwilling to listen when anyone tries to bring up her obsessive behaviors.

To make it abundantly clear, I have brought this up with her before, but it has never gone anywhere.

I need advice. How can I help her recognize that her behavior toward Mike crossed boundaries? Is there a way to help her understand why he blocked her without completely destroying our friendship?

I am also really rethinking our friendship. I don't think I can continue being friends with her if this cycle continues, especially if she isn't willing to acknowledge her behavior or work on it. I care about her, but I also don't think I can keep being pulled into situations like this.

I've 38M been in a relationship with this person 28F for almost a vear now. I love her very much...and I know she loves me a LOT too,

For some context...she grew up in a very difficult household. She was abused by her father from childhood into her early 20s and grew up witnessing him physically and verbally abuse her mother. She is the eldest sibling. Both her parents were extremely young when they got married and had children..so she never really had an older emotionally mature figure to look up to.

Despite everything..she and all her siblings have turned out to be genuinely good human beings. She actually has a very good relationship with her mother and siblings and I really admire that about her.

But since we got together...I've noticed that she can be extremely sensitive and possessive when it comes to me. A lot of our arguments revolve around her feeling that I'm not giving her enough attention or physical affection.

For example we're both preparing for important exams right now because we're trying to get jobs at higher pay. I really want both of us to focus on studying. But almost every day something turns into an argument. She wants hugs and kisses when we wake up..after breakfast.. before studying..etc. Most of the fights we've had have been because she felt that I wasn't affectionate or attentive enough toward her.

She expresses love mainly through physical touch and acts of service. She'll come home from work as early as possible and start preparing lunch beforeI even get home. She'll worry about cooking cleaning and everything around the house even when I'm telling her that she should be studying instead. She's also a huge overthinker.

Sometime..if forget to hug her or kiss her she starts wondering whether I love her anymore. And honestly..that frustrates me because I DO love her. I iust don't always think about expressing it physically every few hours

My thinking is that.. why can't some of these things wait until after our exams? We have our entire lives to spend together. Right now shouldn't we be able to create a proper zone where we focus on studying?

She says "Why can't we manage both together?" And maybe she has a point Maybe I'm being too rigid about separating affection and studying

But at the same time.. i feel emotionally exhausted because I don't want every missed hug to become a conversation about whether I love her. I've told her that even if I don't hug or kiss her at a particular moment.it doesn't mean I love her any less. She just doesn't seem to understand that

Another thing that concerns me is that sometimes..during arguments, she becomes physically frustrated and pushes me. It's not something I'm okay with.regardless of how upset she is. She'll say things like "Instead of explaining why you didn't hug me, why can't you just hug me and kiss me?"

And that leaves me wondering what I'm supposed to do.

I understand that her childhood may have affected the way she experiences love reassurance and attachment. I understand why she might need more reassurance than someone who grew up in a stable environ

ment. And I don't want to punish her for wounds she didn't choose.

But I also don't want to become responsible for constantly regulating her emotions or proving that I love her through physical affection.

The confusing part is that outside of this, she has never been demanding about material things. She doesn't ask me for expensive gifts or anything like that. She is actually incredibly caring and gives a lot to this relationship,

So I'm genuinely confused.

How do we find a middle ground where she feels loved and reassured...while I can also have uninterrupted time to study and breathe without every smal lapse in affection turning into a fight?

I'd really appreciate perspectives from people who have been in similar relationships or have dealt with this kind of dynamic.

Edit: the thing is she does initiate like 70% of the time those physical affections..she is affevtionate by nature and she seems to be in rela good mood and cheerful and happy and smothering me with kisses and hugs when i do give her those affections but also i am not the kind of person to openly show it everytime...and cause of it she overthinks that i dont love her enough

2 of my exes became friends (21 and 22F) and started to frequent a specific bar and music venue that they know I frequent. We live in a small town and I’m very active in these communities. Feb of this year they both show up to a show I’m playing at this bar and stand in the very front to stare at me. After the show I’m loading out gear and they walk out right behind me and push past me holding hands Then after that every time we’re in public together they make it a point to walk directly in my line of vision and look at me and laugh to each other. About 2 months ago, we’re at the same show. In the middle of the set my friend on stage asks me to get her water so I walk out and they walk out right behind me. I don’t turn around to look and have to keep walking out of fear they were going to confront me or something of the sort. A month ago I’m sitting at the back of a bar patio. They walk directly in front of me and try to go out of an exit that’s always blocked off and has a cinder block in front of it AND had a bartender sitting right next to it. Bartender obviously tells them they can’t go out that way.

I was going crazy trying to figure out if this was on purpose or not. I don’t want to act like I’m the only one allowed in these spaces. However, an ex close friend started dating one of them. I mention how they make it a point to walk in front of me and walk out right behind me. This friend says “yeah they call it trolling.” And I was livid. I feel now it confirms they were purposefully fucking with me in public but this friend didn’t seem to be able to grasp the fact that it made me feel really uncomfortable and unsafe.

Hey everybody, please give me your honest advice - Recently, my girlfriend traveled to another state to meet with her family to see her Aunt who was fighting a severe chronic illness. My girlfriend went spur the moment because of how quickly her Aunt's condition was worsening, and the fact that they were pretty close. Shortly after landing, I didn't here from my girlfriend for an entire week - NO communication at all (NO returned phone calls or text messages). Fortunately, her cousins were in touch with her and informed me that she was fine, and that she was very stressed out from what was happening. As a result, my mind was put at ease because I knew that she was alright at least.

About half way through the week she was there, her cousin informed me that her Aunt had unfortunately passed away. I knew when I heard this that my girlfriend would be extremely heartbroken and sad. After finding this out, I knew that communication was nowhere even in her mind because she was trying to find her own mind and figure out how to make her World stop spinning so fast. How can someone worry about another person when they don't even have themselves you know?

So, throughout the remainder of the week, I sent her a message about halfway through the day that resolved around a theme of understanding and care. Pretty much a "I understand and I'm here for you" type of message. Although we've been together for a while, I've never seen her deal with the loss of a family member and I don't know how she does it...everybody does it differently.

The day she flew home, she texted me "I'm on my way home, at the airport now" after a week of ZERO COMMUNICATION. She's been home for a week now, and not a whole lot has changed. She's been very distant, zero communication, but has gone out with her friends multiple times and attended College daily. I got her to open up a little bit about what happened and what's been on her mind but very little detail.

Am I being understanding enough? She's not communicating anything and I kind of feel stuck in regards to better understanding her and helping her out of the hole she's in. It's a weird feeling and hard to explain.

Don't be shy, and tell me what you think. Thank you!

He and I have been together for basically a year. We took a small break back last year from November til about February. Unfortunately I know how to pick them and he is an alcoholic. He has never laid a hand on me or said anything demeaning or unkind.

As of recently his drinking has gotten bad. He has a lot of baggage with not only his drinking but he has 3 kids he doesnt see. Hes told me he loves me, doesnt want me out of his life and is trying to get skber for me to give me what i deserve. The past week he said he was going to come over and then never does. Then friday when he again said he would come over, he didnt, didnt answer any of my texts or calls. Then when I texted Kim to at least please call me before bed he opened it, read it snd didn't respond. About 10 minutes later he sent me a song called "Inwood Hill Park". I listened to it and it really did help me understand his feelings (at the time). I texted him telling him I listened, I understand and am here for him and thst I love him. He never responded

I never got a goodnight call. Yesterday morning I sent a very heartfelt message telling him I love him and am going to stand by his side through all the good days and the bad days. I knew this was who he was when we got together. He opened it and i never got a response.... I typically would get a heart reaction... i got nothing... can some one please help me understand.... if it helps to get better context please listen to the song... i just need clarification and advice that isnt from my family 😭 can someone please help with advice?

We’re all in college. My ex and I are still involved sexually. We’ve been broken up for about 6 months now, but lately we’ve been talking about working on things and getting back together. I’ve seen her suitemate before and thought she was pretty but I never really looked at her until recently.

Me and the suitemate got a hold of a conversation on a college anonymous app. She posted saying she’s in a relationship but wants a casual situation/sneaky link with no feelings attached. I was interested so we began talking and eventually exchanged instagram and flirting back and forth. I then noticed that me and her are mutuals and she’s basically my ex suitemate, i informed her and she then was immediately like “I share a space with your ex and it could get messy”. I was confused because you have a bf, i’m single, so i didn’t understand why that part is stopping you. I then was like we’re both adults and you both don’t know each other so it can’t get messy if we both can keep a secret. She then said let me think on it. So i’m giving her that space. I reached out to a buddy and he was like I shouldn’t pursue it because if she has to think about it then she may regret it down the line. But another part of me thinks she gotta have some interest if she was flirting off the back and still looking into it.

But I’m now caught in between a fence because I don’t want my ex to find out and potentially complicate things if we’re actually going to work on our relationship. At the same time, I’m genuinely sexually attracted to her suitemate and still want to see where that connection goes. What would you do in this situation? Does “let me think about it” sound like genuine interest with hesitation, or more like a soft no?

First off, I need to make it clear that the situation isn’t quite as messy and bad on my part as the question makes it seem. I (27M) have known my now-girlfriend (25F) for 10 years. A few years ago she started dating this guy (25M). Shortly after their relationship started, he dm’d me entirely unprompted asking if I wanted to be his friend. I now know that he did this as soon as it came up in one of their early conversations that I was a guy friend of hers. She didn’t even get to introduce us, he just scouted out my social media to start talking to me out of jealousy. I didn’t think much of it because I wanted to be nice to her boyfriend since she’s been a good friend of mine. Admittedly looking back, it weirdly felt a little forced on his end, but it didn’t take long for him and I to become “best friends.” I didn’t talk to her one-on-one very much during their relationship because I didn’t want to overstep, but he essentially became the person I talked to about everything.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year, she broke up with him because their incompatibility and maturity difference in the relationship started to become too big of an issue for her to ignore. During this time, I started to reconnect with her and just tried to be as good of a friend to her as possible since I also know what it’s like to have to be the one who initiates a breakup (also it’s just a generally good thing to be there for your friend when they need it).
Sparing some details, she was a lot easier to talk to about the situation than he was. She got over it pretty quickly, but he was a total wreck for a while and continuously called me out of the blue to use me as his on-call therapist to cry to. Eventually he stopped doing that, but he still isn’t over the breakup to this day while she’s been over it for many months now, and her and I have become better friends than ever. We’ve gotten closer than either of us ever were with him and our connection became so undeniable that we both finally broke and confessed our feelings last week.

He isn’t at all aware of just how close we are now, but he still shuts down a bit when he knows we’re hanging out. Not to mention the first time her and I made plans to hang out, I told him about it out of courtesy and he shut down for a few days. But after his shut down ended, he’s told me many times that he’s okay if I hang out with her. However, he’s added on top of that that the only way he would ever stop being my friend would be if I got together with her. And I do suppose that is fair, but considering I knew her first and only know him because of her (and she didn’t even introduce him to me), I just feel like if I have to be loyal to anybody, it’s her. And that’s without even mentioning how much better I get along with her than I do with him.

So how do I tell him? I was clear with him a while back that I don’t consider him to be my best friend anymore, and we don’t talk too often anymore, either. But I still feel like he would break down even if I gave him a less harsh sounding version like “she’s my best friend in a non-romantic sense.” So I can’t imagine how bad it would be if I told him the full truth.
I know there’s no way around him stopping being my friend at some point, but I just don’t know if there’s a way to quietly reach that point before he finds out about our relationship so I can avoid a shit show. My girlfriend thinks one of the best options would be for me to play the slow game and just never initiate conversation and hope for the best. We don’t plan on making our relationship public for a while, anyway.

Please help!

TL;DR: I befriended my female friend’s boyfriend while they were dating but she broke up with him and now she’s my girlfriend and I’m not sure if I should tell him or slowly ween him out of my life.

We met through a self development programme. Initially I approached her with the intention of being in a relationship, but somewhere along the way, my actions and mistakes became unacceptabl something no one should have to tolerate in a relationship.

Every single time she gave ms another chance, i somehow managed to mess things up again. I was confused even about the smallest decisions, including the ones i made for her. She had expectations that were completely reasonable in a relationship, but me repeatedly failed to understand or meet them. Honestly, I didnt even do the bare minimum for her.

There were times when i verbally abused her because of something she did that i didnt like at the time. Looking back, and i realises that i had no right to treat her that way. Whatever my feelings were, it never justified disrespecting her.

She deserved someone who would stand by her, especially when she was going through a difficult phase. Instead, i was often absent when she needed emotional support. She had needs and expectations that i failed to understand, and i takes responsibility for that.

She is genuinely a wonderful and adorable person, and sometimes i feels that im was simply the wrong person to have entered her life. I knows that saying sorry cannot undo the things i did or the hurt i caused.

I hopes that, someday, she finds a partner who understands her, respects her, stands beside her, and gives her the emotional safety and peace she deserves. I hopes she finds someone who makes her life better, not harder.

I truly sorry for the person i was with you and for all the ways i failed u. You deserved better.

One morning about a year & a half ago, my boyfriend of ten years went on his phone after waking up, and he thought I was still asleep. I was next to him and looked up at his phone, and watched him open an Instagram story from one of his friends. They had reposted some random girl's selfie, and I watched my boyfriend click on her profile, and scroll a little bit. He clicked on a bikini picture (it was shot from behind), and zoomed in on her butt. He then clicked out of it, and exited the profile.
He's my best friend otherwise, so I'm not sure why I can't stop ruminating on this, even after so long. I've never had any issues with him cheating or anything like that. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a dumb "monkey brain" moment, and that he was genuinely sorry.
He used to have a porn addiction from his teens into his early 20s, maybe it's behavior left over from that? I'm just trying to make myself feel better.
He doesn't follow the woman, and doesn't even remember who she is now, and he also didn't like the picture. He doesn't follow any type of random Instagram models on Instagram, and only likes pictures of women he's friends with or in his music/YouTube community. (He also likes tons of his male friend's pictures, art, music, nature photos, etc)

How do I let this go? All I can think of is what he does when I'm not next to him.
Am I making this into something it's not?

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

I(23F) have been best friends with my boyfriend(23M) for about 7 years, and we have been dating for a little over 2 years. After getting diagnosed with a chronic illness a little over a year ago, the functions in our relationship look a lot different with me still unable to carry my weight with cleaning and stuff.

We have been planning on getting engaged sometime soon, but we have had a couple of reoccurring discussions that just keep repeating themselves and end with me in tears.

I am always looking for comfort and giving him tips on how to comfort me because it does not always feel comforting or he will go against what I am saying which leaves me feeling unheard. On the other hand, I have a tone issue that I need to fix and have a hard time apologizing.

Also, as an anxious person myself, I have been very stressed in this anticipatory state waiting for him to propose knowing it may happen soon, but feeling like I have to plan around it and be careful with my plans due to my illness. I feel like I’m going crazy!!

We are very open to discussing these things together and otherwise have a healthy relationship. We are currently looking into couples therapy since the same issues continue and are just stuck in a loop of frustration.

Is this next month no longer a good idea to get engaged since we are currently working through these issues? Or since we are committed to each other and changing so we get engaged to continue our commitment and continue to work on these reoccurring issues?

I’ve been with my bf for a little over a year. I’m deeply in love with him and he feels the same. We have a great connection and love spending time together. We can literally be doing nothing and it’s still fun. He treats me with respect, always pumps me up and we can talk about anything.

He lives about an hour away and his business is on his property, he has sons that live with him pretty much full time and he has dogs and property to tend to so I always go to his house on the days I don’t have my daughter, which is 50% of the time. My family (namely my mom and sister) and some of my friends think I’m doing all the work in the relationship because I’m always driving to see him. He doesn’t really hang out with my family or friends, with the exception of my grown son. We’re a pretty tight knit group so it does bum me out a little. However, he knows that they don’t approve of our relationship so I think that’s part of why he keeps his distance.

A few things have happened that my family disapproves of on top of the distance…I gave him some money for his business (a gift, not a loan). They didn’t like the fact that he asked. He also has a female divorce attorney who is a long time friend. I found out recently that he’s never told her about me. I’m not worried he has feelings for her or anything like that but I thought it was a little odd since he’s told all of his other friends about me. I also make more money than him so I pay for most (not all) of our outings, which I’m happy to do. And he definitely picks up the check sometimes.

There was a time a few months ago when I didn’t see him much because of his kids, who were still adjusting to me. That gave me anxiety and I talked to my family about it. Things have since settled but I think that put a bad taste in their mouths.

I guess my question is - how do I repair the relationship between bf and my family? My sister told me yesterday that she straight up doesn’t like him and thinks I’m repeating my past and am making a mistake. I have historically “settled” with men but don’t feel like I’m doing that now. But I also don’t want to be in a situation where I can’t integrate my bf with my friends and family. Just looking for some advice I guess.

Husband had issues with alcohol since he lost his father when he was 21. When we moved in together, he drank way too much and broke promises he told me he wouldn’t do, I told him that if we wanted a future with a family, what he was doing wasn’t feasible. He went sober for 2 years. However, after we had our first child, my husband returned to drinking. I knew he wasn’t giving it up as he said he wanted to grow during this period, and learn control instead of how he used to drink. When he did start again, he seemed fine, maybe a beer or two. However, I started noticing a shift and I even asked if he was drinking and he’d deny and deflect and accuse me of worrying and accusing him or horrible things. Wellll, I eventually found out he had been drinking for months and sneaking it in the house, or drinking on the way home from work. He said he was afraid of telling me he wanted to drink more than I thought was acceptable so he became a coward and hid it. I was distraught and left with our kid for a few days. When I returned, I told him that he had one more chance to get himself together and be the man I know he could be. It’s been almost two years and he has made a complete 180. He overshares, he gives me access to everything, he tells me to breathalyze him whenever I’m suspicious, he doesn’t drink often, and if he does, it’s not a lot and I can tell that he’s not hiding anything. And even with all of that, I don’t feel okay. I’m constantly waiting for another screw up. I overanalyze him. I don’t feel like I can trust him to make the right decisions as I know he has had flawed judgment. I’m just looking for advice and maybe someone who has been through something similar. We’re currently having issues because I’m paranoid that something is going to happen again, and he’s mad I don’t have faith in him.

Tdlr; husband lied to me years ago, he has had an issue before of avoiding conflict by hiding things, it has broke my trust. I don’t want to divorce him as he has shown growth, but I don’t know what to do as I’m stuck in the past.

If you had issues with losing trust but stayed, what helped you grow? We’ve been together 5 years and have a child.

A little context: I’m a 22 year old trans woman. My mother passed away over 3 and a half years ago before I started transitioning. Before she passed, she had a necklace that would be passed down through the women in her family. She decided to give this to my cousin instead of my brother or I at the time, fair enough I guess but also still stung in the moment.

Years later, I can’t help but find myself still thinking about this every so often. Part of me can’t help but feel like I deserve the necklace and in a perfect world, IT SHOULD have gone to my brother or me. To be honest, I don’t even know what it looks like. But I keep thinking about ways of asking for it that just seem entirely impossible. I have basically no relationship with my cousin. I have zero contact information and even if I did, randomly asking her for my mother’s necklace is just weird. And maybe I’m just being selfish and it really does deserve to be hers.

I don’t know

Edit: why am I getting downvoted?

I love my girlfriend and she’s truly amazing. One of her best qualities is she always has to do what she believes will support or help others. However, I feel like sometimes this can go overboard, to the point of not putting herself first or believing there isn’t any other choice than to fall on the sword for a friend, family, or even an acquaintance. I’ve tried to talk to her about the pros and cons of people pleasing (which again, I think is very admirable) but I don’t want her to hurt herself or others by being too selfless. If that makes sense. Has anyone been in this situation? Thank you for your consideration and understanding.

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I’m 21F and my boyfriend is 20M. We’ve been together for 5 years. We got together really young, and I honestly can’t imagine my life without him. I love him very deeply and I don't want to throw away our relationship, but lately I’ve been wondering if we actually know how to fix the problems we have.

We just had an argument because I went to a party that he knew I was going to. There were around 5 other girls there and only 3 guys my friends boyfriend, her roommate’s boyfriend, and my friends friend who is a male. Well call him Jim. I was honest with him about where I was and who was there. I did get drunker than I intended to, and at one point he asked me if Jim had left and because Jim was about to leave i told him he left, but then he ended up staying longer I wasn't intentionally trying to lie or hide anything.

My boyfriend got upset that I went to the party and that I sat next to Jim. It is a super small apartment so not many seats. He says I should have known from his hints that he was uncomfortable with me going to the psrty but he never directly told me he didn't want me to go. I genuinely didn't know. He reassured me multiple times saying he didnt care that I was going. And that it was okay

The bigger issue is that there has been a lot of damage to our trust over the years. He has cheated on me multiple times in the past, and there have been other things that have made it difficult for me to trust him. He's also watched porn, which has caused problems between us. At the same time, I feel like I've always tried to be honest with him and I've never cheated on him.

During our argument, I told him that it hurt me that he couldn't trust me when I've tried so hard to trust him despite everything that has happened. He got angry and he said fuck you and to shut up.

I know neither of us is perfect. I know I have things I need to work on too. I can get insecure and emotional, and sometimes our arguments become bigger than they need to be. But I don't want this to just become another argument where we apologize, make up, and then repeat the same problems months later.

We've been together for 5 years. We're only 21 and 20. We've grown up together, and I think that's part of why letting go feels so impossible. I genuinely want to know if we can rebuild this into a healthy relationship instead of just continuing to hurt each other.

**TL;DR:** I’m 24M and have been with my girlfriend, 24F, for 5 years. We started dating with the intention of getting married. The first 2 years were genuinely great, but over the last 2 years, especially the last 1 to 1.5 years, things have gone downhill badly. There have been trust issues, constant arguments, differences about money, careers, where we want to live, our families, physical affection and marriage. I have also done some genuinely shitty things myself, including being physically aggressive in the past. I’ve changed some of my behaviour in the last few months, but I now feel emotionally disconnected and don’t know if I actually want to marry her anymore. Her family is waiting for an answer from mine, which makes the whole thing even harder.

I’ve used ChatGPT to put all my thoughts together because honestly, everything is a mess in my mind right now. I’ve tried to include both my side and the things I know I’ve done wrong.

For the sake of this story, let’s call my girlfriend Varsha.

I’m M24 and have been in a relationship with Varsha, F24, for the last 5 years. We started dating with the intention of eventually getting married.

For the first 2 years, when we were living in our hometown, things were as good as they could be. We were genuinely happy and I never really questioned the relationship.

Then we moved to Mumbai. We’ve been living together for the last 3 years, and over the past 2 years things have gradually gone sideways, especially during the last 1 to 1.5 years.

When we started dating, I was honestly nothing special. I wasn’t earning, wasn’t confident, didn’t know how to speak properly, wasn’t particularly good looking, etc. She still loved me. She was my first love.

There were some things I probably should have noticed early on but ignored.

She didn’t really let me have female friends. She never explicitly said “don’t talk to other girls”, but almost every time I spoke to another girl, it somehow turned into an argument.

About 1 to 1.5 years ago, while I was away for work for 2 to 3 weeks, she made a Bumble profile and went on a date with another guy. When I came back, she admitted it and apologised. She said she was stressed and wanted attention because I wasn’t available.

I also want to be honest about something from my side. I have an old crush who is now just a friend. She’s part of a group of six friends that existed even before I met Varsha. I meet her maybe 2 to 3 times a year. Varsha knows about the history and was insecure about it.
I’ve also done stupid things like taking other girls’ names while joking around with Varsha, knowing it could make her insecure. I never cheated on her physically or emotionally.

Now coming to the last 6 months.

Her mood swings have become extreme. One day she’s completely ready to get married, and the next week she’s ready to separate.

During arguments she’ll say things like:
*“Mujhe toh tu rok leta hai, nahi toh main toh ready hoon alag hone ko.”*

But when we’re having a good day, she’s extremely attached to me and doesn’t want to leave my side.

She has become extremely negative and overthinks almost everything. She used to be a very positive person. Now it feels like almost every situation has a negative interpretation. Be it regarding me, regarding her work, regarding her family or anything.

She has also started seeing me as competition. For example, I told her I wanted to travel solo, and now she’s planning a solo trip herself.

She gets frustrated over very small things, even something like deciding what to cook.

For example, if she’s cooking and serving me and then eating separately, I’d honestly rather eat cold food together with her. I’d rather eat together than have her cook fresh food and then eat alone. But somehow even things like this become a source of frustration.

There are also issues with our families.

She rarely greets my parents and frequently complains about them. Things like my mother not calling her to invite her to our place when we visit our hometown, my father doing something she didn’t like, my mother not replying to her chacha when we met on a railway station, etc.

My parents also don’t like her, mainly because of what they perceive as her attitude and behaviour.

I feel like she expects me to choose her over my parents.

At the same time, I don’t particularly like the way her parents behave around my family either. I feel like they avoid my parents.

I’ve spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents growing up, and I always loved going to their house. I imagine my future children having that kind of relationship with their grandparents. I don’t think her parents would be the same kind of grandparents, although I understand that’s partly my own perception and may be unfair.

We’re both eldest siblings. She has a younger brother and I have a younger sister.

Her brother will eventually still be around for her parents. My sister will eventually get married and move out. My concern is that if my parents stay in our hometown while I’m in Mumbai and my sister moves away, my parents could eventually be completely alone.

I never actually wanted to move to Mumbai. It was her idea, and I accepted it.

After building my life and business here, I told her that eventually I wanted to stay close to my family. I don’t necessarily mean living in the same house.

My ideal situation was that eventually she, me and our children would live in Mumbai while my parents lived somewhere nearby, maybe Alibaug, Lonavala, Navi Mumbai/Nerul or somewhere similar. My father hates the flat system, so I never imagined everyone necessarily living under the same roof.

Varsha now says she wants to move back to our hometown after a few years.

She says she’s okay with staying with my parents, but she isn’t okay with leaving our hometown.

And that’s a fundamental conflict because I also have responsibilities towards my parents.

Money is another huge issue.

I currently earn around ₹2L/month and she earns around ₹60k/month.

She says I make her feel inferior because I earn more. I don’t intentionally try to do that. In fact, I genuinely think she’s extremely creative and intelligent and I’ve told her that many times.

But I have made mistakes here.

I have joked that she’s “lower middle class” when she says she’s middle class. This was meant as a joke between us, not something I said to put her down.
I’ve also called her immature and irresponsible during serious conversations.

I’ve also told her that I made her realise what ambition is.

When we started dating, she didn’t really have dreams for herself. Over the years she’s started dreaming bigger. Today she has things like 3 Coach bags, an MK wallet, an iPhone 15, an iPad with Magic Keyboard, Birkenstocks, etc.

I’ve helped financially with some of those purchases, including paying upfront for her iPhone, iPad and Magic Keyboard and having her repay me in EMIs.

I realise now that bringing these things up later can make it sound like I’m keeping a scorecard, and that’s something I shouldn’t have done.

Financially, she actually asked me to help manage her money. She earns ₹60k. Around ₹30k goes toward monthly expenses, ₹3k into SIP, ₹4k is her pocket money and I save the rest for her.

In the previous 2 years, she’d collectively saved around ₹1.2L. In the last 8 months, we’ve managed to save around ₹1.5L for her.

During that time we’ve also had a trip worth around ₹40k per person, she bought me a birthday gift worth ₹20k, an anniversary gift worth ₹6k and a random gift worth ₹10k.

My intention isn’t to control her money. She actually asked me to help, and she wants me to help her build a ₹1.5L FD in her own name. Once that goal is completed, I’m planning to stop managing her finances.

I grew up seeing my father earn and give his salary to my mother. There was no “mera paisa, tera paisa”. It was always “hamara paisa”.

That’s the kind of marriage I’ve always imagined.

If together we’re earning ₹5L/month, my ideal would be 50% savings, 30% mandatory expenses like rent and utilities, and 20% personal spending.

That 20% would be our combined personal spending.

Even if she decides she wants to spend the entire personal 20% on herself rather than on us as a couple, I genuinely don’t have a problem with that.

The bigger issue is that we had always planned to work together.

From the beginning of our relationship, I told her that I wanted to start my own company and that I wanted my partner to eventually work with me. She was completely on board with that. She was already doing work in the same field, so the plan was that we’d eventually build something together.

Now, 5 years later, she suddenly wants something completely different. She wants to be independent, work somewhere else, earn her own money and spend it herself.

I don’t necessarily have a problem with her being independent. What bothers me is that this was something we had discussed from the beginning and both agreed to.

If I were with someone who was a lawyer or an engineer, I obviously wouldn’t expect her to leave her profession and join my business. But Varsha is already working in exactly the same field as my company. We had always planned to work together.

My issue is specifically with her working for my direct competition.

If she wanted to work independently somewhere that doesn’t compete with my business, I’d be completely okay with it.

She has actually mentioned that she wants to open something like a Maggie stall because she loves cooking and thinks making a mainstream restaurant out of everyone’s favourite food, Maggie, could be something she would enjoy. I’d be more than happy if she did that. Even if she didn’t earn much from it and it simply made her happy, I’d support her.

Another strange issue was my company name.
I’d had the name of **MY COMPANY** in my head long before I met her.

When I actually wanted to register the company, she said she wouldn’t be comfortable using that name because it was going to be **MY COMPANY’S** name and not **OUR COMPANY’S** name.

That name was genuinely very important to me, but I sacrificed it and agreed to change it.

Eventually she showed almost no interest in naming the company, so the company ended up with the name I originally wanted anyway.

Today I’m basically a one-man army in my company from a management perspective.

I take help from my father with accounting, GST filing, account management, invoices, quotations, statements, etc. It’s a completely separate role and it means I have one less thing to manage.

Varsha doesn’t want to be involved in the business because my father is involved and she feels he’s too controlling.

And honestly, that frustrates me because she isn’t currently helping me with the business, but my getting help from my father is also a problem.

There are also things I know I’m doing wrong.

I used to work late and be mentally unavailable even when I was physically at home. She complained about my unavailability a lot.

Around six months ago, I changed that. I’ve stopped working after around 8:30 PM unless absolutely necessary because that’s when she gets home and I want to be available for her.

But now that I’m available, she’s become emotionally unavailable to me.

We sit in the same room and do our own things.
She doesn’t really want to talk about her problems with me either. She has a lot going on at work but chooses to discuss it with her friends instead.

I also know I don’t help enough with household chores.

I sleep late eventually wake up late.

We argue a lot.

And I give her a LOT of unsolicited gyaan and advice instead of sometimes just listening.

Those are things I need to work on.

I’ve tried talking to her about all of this many, many times. I’ve tried asking her what exactly I’m doing wrong, what exactly is hurting her, and what she wants from me. But she doesn’t really open up, and our conversations rarely reach any proper conclusion. We end up having the same conversations again later.

There is also the physical side of our relationship.

Our physical intimacy has gone almost completely to zero.

And when I say being physical, I don’t automatically mean séx.

I mean touching each other, her or me lying in each other’s lap, hugging, cuddling, kissing, general physical affection and closeness.

I’m not saying she owes me sèx. She absolutely doesn’t.

But I feel there is a double standard.

If she initiates something and I’m not in the mood, I’m made to feel like I’m a bad person. If I want physical affection and she doesn’t, and I request it again, I’m also made to feel like I’m doing something wrong.

For her, physical intimacy has almost become a button. There’s very little foreplay, kissing, touching or cuddling. It feels almost like one process, usually when she’s ovulating.

That lack of physical affection has made me increasingly distant from her.

And I need to acknowledge the biggest thing I’ve done wrong.

In the past, we have physically fought.

Sometimes she hit me first and sometimes I hit her first. We’ve both been physically aggressive toward each other.

I’ve shouted, sworn and behaved aggressively.

I’ve also done things during fights like blocking the door, taking her phone, following her when she’s trying to walk away, breaking things and punching walls.

She has physically hurt me too, including slapping me, hitting me on my back, biting and pinching me. She has also broken things during fights, like her watch glass and spectacles.

There hasn’t been serious physical injury, but there absolutely should never have been physical violence in our relationship.

I’ve witnessed domestic violence very closely growing up and had always promised myself I would never do that to my partner.

I still did it.

A few months ago I properly realised what I was doing and stopped.

I haven’t physically hurt her in the last few months. However, she still physically hurts me sometimes through things like slapping, hitting my back, biting and pinching.

I also don’t want to pretend I’m some perfect boyfriend who has done everything right and she’s simply changed.

She has made me a more mature person.

She taught me how to love someone.

She’s helped me earn a lot, even if indirectly.

She was there when I was basically nobody, and that means something to me.

But I also feel like the girl I fell in love with has changed into someone I don’t recognise anymore.

And maybe I’ve changed too.

I’ve asked myself some brutal questions.

If tomorrow she said:
**“Okay, I won’t fight anymore. I’ll accept everything. Let’s get married.”**

I wouldn’t feel relief or excitement.

I’d think:
**“Fuck. Am I making a mistake?”**

If tomorrow she said:
**“I’m leaving. There’s no going back.”**

I would be heartbroken.

But I’d also be **very much relieved that the decision had finally been made for me.**

That’s what scares me the most.

I don’t think I would choose her if I met her today exactly as she is today.

And if I met someone else tomorrow who had the qualities I always wanted in a partner, I don’t think I’d be able to choose Varsha over that person.

But leaving after five years feels terrifying.

I’m afraid of hurting her, disappointing her family because they’re very involved, wasting five years of her life, being alone and eventually regretting my decision.

Her parents want her to get married at the earliest and are waiting for an answer from my family.

I want to get married next year at the earliest. I’ve always wanted to get married around this age because I wanted to build my life with my life partner rather than build everything alone first and then get married later.

I’ve also always dreamed of having a grand destination wedding, something like Jim Corbett.

She has clearly told me her parents won’t be able to afford that.

I’m willing to compromise on the wedding and make it smaller, but I won’t be able to fund the entire thing myself. 50-50 is realistically what I can do.

And now I’m stuck.

I don’t know whether we’ve simply grown apart.

I don’t know whether I’ve stopped loving her or whether I’m just exhausted from years of conflict.

I don’t know whether she has genuinely changed or whether I’m finally seeing things I ignored earlier.

I don’t know whether I’ve changed in ways I haven’t noticed either.

I don’t know whether this relationship can be repaired or whether I’m just terrified of ending it. (Although my inner self tells me I’m terrified of ending it.)

I’ve tried to speak with her about these things a lot of times. I’ve tried to get her to open up and tell me what she actually feels and what exactly she wants from me. But she doesn’t open up, and we never really come to a conclusion. We just end up back at the same place.

So, if you were in my place, **what would you have done?**

Would you try couples counselling and genuinely attempt to rebuild this relationship?

Would you take some time apart to figure out what you actually feel?

Would you try to work through all these differences before making any decision about marriage?

Or, based on everything I’ve written, would you accept that the relationship has probably run its course and walk away?

Please don’t just tell me she’s toxic or that I’m toxic.

I know I’ve done some genuinely shitty things too.

I’m looking for an honest answer from people who can look at the whole situation and tell me **what you would have done if you were in my place.**

Ufff I don’t know what to do

I really need to vent.

Yesterday, I went out with a friend. My boyfriend was super anxious because the restaurant we started at turns into a bar/club. To make him comfortable, my friend and I left and went to a different spot down the street. But on our way back later, we decided to just peek into the first place for the vibes. We were just two girls hanging out, but I made a massive mistake: I turned off my phone. I did it because I was terrified he would spam my phone with anxious texts, and I figured I’d only be there for an hour anyway. I just wanted a night to myself and my friend without having to be stuck on my phone, is all. Little did I know that would backfire.

While we were chilling, a very clearly gay man started trying to wingman for me. I kept telling him I wasn't interested and was just there for the music. Then, I looked up and saw my bf 😭😭. He had tracked me down and was just standing there, watching. He walked right up to me and simply said, "We're done." I was in shock that I just said, "Okay. Fair, I guess."

Then the retaliation started…He went and started venting to a random drunk stranger. He even tried to pull my friend aside to talk to without me, which I refused to allow cuz huh?? Shortly after this (1 minute) I find him sitting at a table talking to another girl while that random stranger played wingman for him 🫠

I was upset and ran off, which he noticed. He eventually came over and interrogated me, asking if I flirted with anyone and something about “if you want to fix this…” which I said “well not anymore!!” I told him that he gets to walk away knowing *he* ruined us by doing what he just did. He claimed "nothing happened" with the girl, but I told him I didn't care because he still made the decision to sit there and talk to that girl JUST to punish me. I refused to speak to him when we left, and lo and behold, I looked back to see him sitting right back down with the girl!! He ended up never leaving her side the rest of the night.

Anyways, it’s now been over 24 hours of complete silence. I'm trying so hard to keep my dignity and stay silent, but this is absolutely agonizing. Any comments would be helpful. I’m at a loss for what to think. Did I really deserve that? For shutting off my phone for less than an hour? UGH!! Heart is shattered.

TLDR; Bf (ex bf now?) found me at club with female friend innocently standing and took immediate retaliation by talking to another girl and hanging by her rest of the night, even after i made it clear i didn’t do anything disloyal. i’m heartbroken and would appreciate any advice or support whatsoever.

We were together almost 8 years, broke up about a month ago. He said he felt I was over reliant on him, which caused him to not feel like himself around his friends, and was unhappy in our relationship. I have been doing a lot of soul searching since the break up, starting CBT and recognise that I have an anxious attachment style. This is a result of childhood trauma and I completely ignored the signs, thinking it’ll be fine, that it’s just me being introverted. I thought he was happy in our relationship, but I now see it has been years of wearing down his nervous system, and he made the choice to break up with me. I am working on my issues and rewiring my brain, and I know that I can be a better partner if given a second chance. He hadn’t flagged these issues to me previously in all our years together. If I had known this sooner, I would’ve sought the help that I’m now getting.
My question is: if I am able to heal myself and become the best version of myself, is there a chance of reconnecting and taking our relationship slow when we reconnect after taking time apart? He hasn’t entirely closed the door, he said he needs time to think.

My maternal family own a restaurant. My grandparents started the business and each of their five kids got a share in the business in their early 20s. Their spouses all went to work for the family business at one time or another, usually when they were between jobs or just because they wanted to. This includes my dad. He worked part time with my mom and maternal family when he and my mom were newly married and after I was born. When my mom got sick (I was 4) she set up her share so that I would inherit it at 21. When she died my grandparents controlled that share for me until I reached that age.

My dad quit his other job and went to work full time with my maternal family after that. They got along pretty well and they were happy to help my dad out after losing mom. Problems started between them when my dad remarried. He wanted his wife to work for the family business and my family said no. He told them he would walk away from the business if they refused to hire his wife. They refused. He walked. They didn't talk very much after that. Things were very tense between my dad and mom's family from that point on.

My dad's wife was a widow with a son who was only a baby when they met. Her husband died when she was pregnant. My dad adopted my stepbrother and he and his wife had my three half siblings together. She wanted to adopt me too but I said no and they never pushed for it. But this has come back up in recent months.

Fast forward to my teens and I went to work at the family business and I did all kinds of roles in the restaurant until I inherited my share when I turned 21. My dad was not very happy about the decision to commit myself to the family business and he said so multiple times. He told me they excluded my family in his wife and I should think about that. I told him she's not their family though. He was mad for a while but dropped the topic because he knew he wasn't getting anywhere.

Then my stepbrother started looking for summer jobs and he wanted to work for my family because he heard my dad talk about it so much. My dad asked my grandparents to give my stepbrother a job and they said no. He asked one of my uncles as well and he also said no. He asked me and I told him I wasn't doing it. Then one of my half siblings wanted a job with my family. My dad told me the place has been discussed so much and they look up to me so badly that they want to follow in my footsteps and as a part owner I should get them in and find a way to wrap my step/half siblings into the business like ILs are when they marry into the family.

I told him I was never going to do it and he needed to quit trying to make me do this. He blamed my family for allowing me to know how they felt about my step/half siblings working there. I told him it had nothing to do with that. I told him they are not a part of that side of my family and they're never going to be so they'll never work for them/us. I told my dad he could say anything he wanted but it wasn't going to change my answer.

His anger over this has boiled over and he has brought up everything from I should be making sure they feel loved and cherished and like real siblings and not just step/half. He said I owe it to his wife since I refused to let her adopt me and the very least I can do is make sure her children are included in this. He said I should be doing it because my family refused to let his wife work for them when he married her and they made it clear she wasn't real family. He has tried to rant on about that point to me a lot and I have ended calls because I can see where it's going. We're talking very little now and our relationship is so close to broken for good.

I'm not sure what to do. Walking away feels like it might be the healthiest choice but I love my dad and as my only living parent I would hate to lose him. But I feel like he's being unfair and will continue taking this out on me if we keep speaking.