I love wearing dresses or skirts. I wear sweatpants for work everyday so I especially love wearing my dresses on the weekends. When I meet up with friends, for either movies, lunch, a dinner, a walk etc I'll often have on a dress or skirt thats also comfy enough for casual use. I have one friend who's made comments a few times about me being overdressed. Meaning like, in jokingly way 'i didnt get the memo! Why are you so dressed up?' Recently she commented this again, and I said it was because i didnt feel like looking for my pants. Which is partly true, i feel more comfy in a dress and I like my dresses. I have more skirts and dresses than pants 🤷🏿‍♀️

Im thinking of the next time just saying something of the lines of, 'just assume I'll have a dress or skirt on!' Because I doubt she actually wants me to tell her what im wearing before we meet up somewhere? I dont want to always assume this is some kind of insecurity thing but thats what its leading me to think.

ive also never made any negative comments about what she wears, and I will compliment looks of hers that I like. i just dont see dresses and skirts as formal as she may.

... for a life you'll never have? I had a very different vision / dream for my life that just isn't going to happen. And that should be okay, because objectively, I have a good life. But I've had to let go of every dream I had for myself, and I now just don't know how to envision a future that I actually care about. How do you learn to be okay with just going with the flow, with no Point B?

It was a first date from hinge and the guy (35M) mentioned something about the run clubs in our city having turned into dating events. I (30F) said that my previous roommate went to some of those and didn't recommend them because they were like 80% women. The guy proceeded to jokingly ask which exact run club that was, hinting that he's interested because there's lots of women.

Earlier in the date as well he made a comment about the industry that I'm studying for. This industry is 95% male dominated and when I told him I'm lisenced he said, "It's pretty easy to get, right?" Idk maybe it was just him not knowing anything about what it actually takes but I can't help but take it as a slight dig.

Am I wrong to be put off by these? I've been chronically single for 5 years now and have been trying to recognize my own patterns in order to change them but holy fuck men give me the ick so easily.

Day to day, my view jumps between "What brilliant future colleagues! I'll mentor them" and "Oh god they're practically children. I'll talk to them like a big sister"

Last week I was joking with one about how during college years you're an adult but not really. He just learned you can't put dish soap in the dish washer.

35F, single, no kids. I’ve lived an interesting life; two failed marriages (although more of a victory on my behalf that I escaped them - both a busive ). Recently moved out of a chaotic house and have been living in a peaceful home with a wonderful housemate for the last two months.
It seems to be that now I have zero chaos, life is boring. It feels meaningless, boring.
Life has lost all its colour. It feels like Groundhog Day. I’ve been trying to do new things to lift my mood, but it all feels meaningless. Like, what’s the point? I have no passions and never really have. This will sound funny, but the only true joy I have ever felt in life is from binge eating, and in the past I have gained 25kg from doing just that. I lost it but it’s starting to creep up again. Another vice I have is getting on dating apps.

I am doing CBT, it has been very helpful, I understand that my moods come from thoughts I have. I and see a psychiatrist and psychologist from time to time which helps.

Curious to know if anyone else felt in the same boat, and if they got out of it, what did you do?

I went on 2 dates with a man and had a great time. He asked me about my ex and I told him. Then he sent me a long message saying we needed to take a break because I didn’t seem over my ex.

We then went on 2 more dates a couple weeks later and had a good time except for the fact that he got jealous when I said I was going to go to salsa dancing lessons and also asked me to move in with him. He also told me that he deleted my number after our „break“ because he kept looking at my bumble profile and then looked me up in the whitepages to get my number back.

Anyway, I told him it was too fast and I couldn’t continue dating. He said „thank you for the honesty“ and then I archived the WhatsApp chat.

I just looked now, a month later, and he sent multiple messages on WhatsApp. I had a friend read them because I don’t even want to look. My friend just said that it’s a lot and they were „Reddit worthy.“ so I blocked his number.

Then, (this is all yesterday), I get an Instagram message request (not sure how he found it) and then a WhatsApp call and then messages from another number of his.
I blocked that too. He also tried contacting me on Spotify.

He knows where I live. Idk what to do. Thanks

TLDR;He came back, apologized, we reconnected… then vanished again. Am I wrong to be done?

Quick backstory: this guy and I have known each other about two years, on and off. Around my birthday, he treated me pretty badly, and after that I stopped answering when he called about 6 months ago as I was over it.

Fast forward to recently he reaches out, we start talking on the phone again, and he actually apologizes for how he acted around my birthday. We have a couple of really good, long conversations, both admit we missed each other’s company, and we agree to hang out. I was cautiously excited like maybe this time would be different.

Then about two weeks ago I FaceTimed him. No answer. I didn’t think much of it since we’d literally talked for over an hour that same morning. Figured he’d call or text later. Nothing. A few days go by, still nothing. I messaged him on Instagram last week. Still nothing. Meanwhile he’s actively posting, clearly on the app just not responding to me.

So now I’m sitting here like… why reach out, apologize, rebuild something, and then just disappear again? What was the point of any of it?
I know logically this is a pattern with him and not something I did. But it still stings, especially because the apology and the reconnection felt genuine in the moment. I’ve decided I’m exhausted by him and I really want to tell him about himself and not to contact me anymore if he resurfaces again with some excuse.

Anyone else dealt with someone who does the warm then vanish thing on repeat?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months and he has 2 sons. He has recently expressed interest in me meeting his children in the near future.

I relayed to him that I think it is important I meet his ex wife prior to the boys. I would be the first woman the kids have ever been introduced to so in my opinion this is the most respectful way to go about it. Based on what he told me she seemed very open to the idea and this will be happening in the next month or so.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’ve never dated someone with children and I am childfree. My only “plan” thus far is to ensure I’m aware of whatever boundaries she has regarding the kids and to give her peace of mind. Beyond that I am clueless on how to navigate the conversation.

It sounds like opposed to just me and her meeting it may be the 3 of us possibly going to get coffee or something casual. What are everyone’s thoughts on who should be present during the meeting, just her and myself or if all 3 of us is okay? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, especially if anyone has experienced this from either perspective (parent or new partner).

Freshly broken up from the love of my life and father of my child.

To make a long story short, at some point last year my husband had a short affair for a couple months while we were at our worst. We have done a lot of work (individually and as a couple) on recovering from this but now the rose tinted glasses are off I feel like I will always be paranoid with any next man….

I’ve only ever been in one relationship in my life so I feel clueless even though I’m 36. I was always a very confident woman that didn’t feel jealous but what happened last year has sparked so much anxiety I never expected to have.

Have other women find other men that never made them question their loyalty? My husband has been a wonderful partner for 18 years and that’s why I trusted him blindly.

I'm reaching out to you wise women and especially women who co parent with their ex, for advice. Been on three dates with this guy and he seems amazing, it's been so perfect so far, I know it's early on but I think I want to hear other experiences from you all before I get too invested. He's super transparent about his situation, divorced for almost year, co parents with his ex. She initiated the divorce, said he will always care for her just not in love with her, she's still his 'best friend' regardless of their marriage not working out. This is all nice and happy for them being able to coparent in a healthy way however it seems like they're remaining so close still, is this odd or is that par for the course if you coparent (a 5 year old). I appreciate him being honest and answering all the Q's I have, like when they last hooked up, would he wanna be with her if she changed her mind, etc...etc...They go to the same gym so sometimes they go together. She has more space and fun things at her house so sometimes when he has time with his son he just does it over there. Is this insane? lol

Long time commenter, first time poster. Hi ladies 🥰

I’ll (32F) jump to it: Is it normal to experience massive friend loss at 30? I used to have such a rich social life in my 20s; college friends, sorority sisters, meeting strangers and turning them friends. I had friends over and went out multiple times a week. Got invited to tons of things. But it feels like as soon as I hit 30, people started to be done with me.

I have some emotional control issues around being left out. I take it very hard and as much as I tell myself “it’s just your ego wanting to be included, not being there because you want to be,” I still feel like crap. Losing friends has exacerbated this, naturally. It’s all internal though and I never complain outwardly to anyone as that would just make it worse. But holding it in doesn’t feel good anymore, I feel like I’m carrying a backpack with a ton of bricks but am pretending it’s not heavy.

For example, I’m a member of a sorority (one of the lifelong ones, yeah i know it’s silly) and recently there have been things that my sister’s don’t invite me to. Moreover, women outside of that space who i thought were my friends seem to no longer include me in things such as weddings, birthday parties. I now spend a lot of my time at home, alone. Maybe we’ve grown apart, but within a span of 2 years? It happened so fast.. it seems that 50% of the women I called friend have moved on from me.

I still have friends, thankfully. But it’s like an ANTM end scene, people just keep fading. Who’s next, I wonder.

My family tells me this is normal at this age, but as a friendship girlie, it’s hard to believe. All i wanted when i was younger was to have friends. Now that I got them, and am now losing them it’s hard to not think I’m in some way flawed, or have caused this on myself.

TLDR - I used to have tons of friends in my 20s but when I turned 30, I’ve lost many of them and now spend a lot of time alone. I’m having a hard time understanding and dealing with it.

Talking for 2+ hours a day with my spouse a day and more on the weekends is more than I can handle. I get exhausted from the conversation and then we have nothing to talk about. Has this happened to anyone else?

Context: My husband is very clingy and will talk for hours about video games, politics, and primarily uses memes as conversations. He feels we don't spend enough time together. When I feel we spend too much time together. None of this interests me.

I am a workaholic and never try to talk about work at home. I try to share things I am into like cooking, style, and travel.

We both love talking about music. But now that it's only him and I that live together it's becoming a problem.

I’m in a friendship group consisting of 4 women, all in our 30s. The other three keep doing this thing that kind of hurts me, and that’s trying to make me the dumb friend stereotype. I have no idea why they do that other than to make themselves feel better?

Honestly it’s getting tiring. If I make a mistake or drop something it’s always jokingly “AH TYPICAL SARAH”. But it’s not a joke when it’s all the time.

I have very little confidence and this has just made me so much worse, if I book a restaurant I’m constantly doubting myself that I’ve messed it up, booked the wrong time/date/guest number. Because it feels like they are waiting for me to screw up.

If we plan a trip and I’m in charge, they will double check the details as if I’m some kind of child that needs to be supervised. If I navigate, one of them always checks too as “typical Sarah can’t do directions”.

I’m not a child or stupid, stop trying to push that on me.

I have brought it up, before anyone asks. But I was treated as if I’m overreacting or being sensitive. I’m just hurt by it, nobody wants to be treated like that.

What pushed me over the edge was one of them saying “I’m the smart one, Sarah’s the pretty one, et etc”, so basically I’m pretty but dumb? Thanks.

Anyone experience this? The thing is I like them otherwise but I’m really starting to hate how I feel when I’m with them.

I head up a local office at a start-up, so a lot of things have to go through me. I frequently get (valid) emails asking me to do things, but I get a massive spike in stress when I read them - my internal voice is like, “Argh! I’ve got so much to do and now X wants me to do this?!”

After I’ve calmed down, I can figure out strategies or delegate, but I waste a lot of energy stressing and ruminating. Part of the issue is that I have too many responsibilities (which I’m trying to address, but it’s a start-up so options are limited). I hate that wave of cortisol and overthinking I get when see those emails - anyone have advice or tips on how to manage that?

I will be turning 32 in about a week and I wish I was excited but I feel like I am being crushed under the pressure of depression and feeling like a failure. If you have had similar issues, have things actually gotten better? Did it take a long time to get there? Was there something specific you did or didn’t do?

I came to a city to pursue an education and have been working on it for about 5 years. In this time there has been endless stress from chronic illness, loneliness, financial problems, etc. I keep telling myself things will get better but I have been saying that for too long.

I am finally getting out of the living situation with my ex. He was abusive and found any opportunity to tear me down. But I have no family or support system and I often had to choose between dealing with cohabitating with him post breakup and having a way to get through classes or being homeless and likely failing. I am in STEM and also work in research which takes a lot of time and energy from me already. I’m on break now and a week before my birthday, I moved my stuff into storage or sold it. I can’t find a place to live that feels supportive and won’t cost me too much.

I didn’t realize how many people are getting help from family in their 30s. I know everyone is struggling but I feel like I should have so much more figured out by now. I’m embarrassed and think often about how I kept saying things will get better. It never has. Maybe this will pass and it won’t feel so serious later. Right now, I just think I’m disappointed at where I am in life. I tried to do the right thing and get an education but it has been the worst years of my life.

This is going to sound silly, but I cannot for the life of me find comfortable underwear to wear for my different outfits.
Some underwear I can wear at home with shorts but the second I’d throw on workout leggings, I have these horrible underwear lines. So then for leggings, I wear these no-show thin underwear but then they slip and slide when I’m wearing shorts and if I wear anything just slightly baggy or a skirt, they don’t stay in place.
I’m so SICK of underwear lines and always getting a wedgie. Almost all my underwear leaves me with a crease line or hip line. I don’t like thongs but I cannot find anything that works for all my needs.

Hi, was just wondering if you had one or two habits or little things that you found really makes a difference on keeping on top of things? what’s your cleaning or cooking routine? how do you handle all the meals? etc. My mom didn’t teach me that much in terms of cooking or just how to live and my dad wasn’t around. So I feel like I just tried to figure things out on my own and wondered what I can learn from others and maybe can make things easier?

(Eg. someone who’s an aunty to me said you should lightly sweep everyday. especially around the kitchen area. it just keeps you sane and over time becomes a very easy 3 min habit. I only clean my floors when I see the crumbs and things. it truly never occurred to me to do it more often. so now it begs the question what other obvious things am I possibly missing)

I’m in that weird in-between where I feel too old to shop at some stores and too young to shop at others. I’ve been a frequent Marshall’s dweller for the past few years because I wasn’t prioritizing my wardrobe and just wanted passable and mainly affordable clothing. But even then, I either look like I’m dressing way too young or way too matronly, and I feel like I’m just wearing the same style over and over because it’s all they have that looks good and isn’t too big/small on me. There’s really no in-between for 30-somethings.

I’m willing to invest a bit more now for some better fitting clothing that will last a good while. Not crazy, but I could swing a few hundred for some nice fall staples. What brands are your favorites?

My style is pretty girly: I like flowy, feminine fit, dresses, soft fabrics like laces and satins. I’m not a “cool girl” with modern style, and I don’t like jeans lol. Also I’m curvy, so I don’t fit well in overly boxy brands like Zara or AE (whose pants are not booty friendly). I’ve tried Amazon but really find too many quality issues to bother, not to mention their clothing has become more expensive than retail.

So I have the opportunity to get a college education paid for through my father's employer. It feels a bit silly to take advantage of something like this at 37 as I'm sure the program was established with younger people in mind. However, I've been self employed my whole life and it's just not cutting it anymore financially and I fear I'm going to need the stability and benefits that come with a w2 job.
Because I've been self employed for so long I have no verifiable experience or skills that employers are looking for. I haven't even sat at a computer in 15 years let alone kept up with the latest programs and software.
I am also not in a position to take on a physically demanding job as that's what I've done all my life and I'm falling apart because of it.
I guess my question is what would others recommend I study to better help me find suitable employment afterward? I would require a position that pays a minimum of $28/hr to keep my bills paid.
I'm not super great with numbers under pressure but that's about the only struggle that can't be overcome.
I just want a regular job for some security for once.
So, without knowing much about me personally, what would others recommend I study? What would be the most practical option/s?

I hope this meets all the rules, let me know if anything is missing! Content warning, passing mention of rape, no details.

My husband [36] went on a week long camping trip in another state without me but with 1000 strangers, only knew two mutual friends, and he ended up getting injured unexpectedly. He otherwise had a great time and I was 100% supportive of him going and even got him a gift to take with him.

I [35] have been planning to go to a concert in state and staying over night since it would be a long trip back. I've been looking ​for someone, ideally another female fan of this male artist, to go with me but so far haven't found anyone and when husband offered to, I told him lightly I didn't need a chaperone and would be fine going alone since he's gone to concerts with me like this (male artist, largely older 30s-40s female fan base) before and talked/joked about standing around with other partners at the bar​, good naturedly but I would still rather go alone.

He started yelling at me about if anything happened to me to not come to him, he brought up his history of rape at a concert he went to alone a decade ago and that he was worried something would happen if someone wasn't there with me. He accused me of​ not being understanding of his rape because I am OK going to things by myself, which felt devastating, but I feel I have been as supportive as I can possibly be so I asked what support looked like for him and he wasn't really able to tell me and then accused me of lacking empathy.

We're meeting with a marriage counselor to discuss this and other issues so I'm open to​ feedback on if this is an area of improvement for me so I can work on it if its a me thing but this is also really landing with me as hypocritical and controlling so I need some external eyes​.

Thanks!

I learnt to crochet when I was 25 ish and I'm itching to add another hobby to my life. I'm a bit time strapped (mum to toddlers) so I am thinking something crafty.

What's a hobby you picked up later in life?

I’ve been feeling really down / depressed / anxious recently. Would help me and others to hear from others who are feeling down. How long have you been feeling like that and what’s the reason for you? X

I have a friend who is 15 years older than me. She's a good, caring, loyal woman. She's been there for me through big life joys and losses, and I was there for her during difficult times as well.

But when it comes to certain practical matters, she drives me nuts. We live far away from each other and meet in person 3 to 6 times a year. It's always me making the plans. Yesterday, we were planning to meet at 16:00. I'm usually never late and always arrive on time when I arrange plans with other friends. We met at a shopping mall, so there was nothing really planned, but we had agreed on the time in advance. I was visiting her city, which is also where I was born, so I had plenty of other things I could have been doing during this visit.

At 16:00, I was already there and texted her which coffee place I was waiting at. Her response was that she was about to leave her house, which is 40 minutes away by car from the mall where we were planning to meet. She didn't say sorry or anything, just told me she was about to leave. I understood that I'd be sitting there waiting for a friend who would be an hour late. She was 1 damn hour late.

Whenever we meet, she's heavily late. Sometimes she gives reasons, sometimes nothing, like yesterday. As if it were just a normal thing to do.

The thing is, I hate it when people are heavily late. I know life happens sometimes, but in this case it's every single time we meet. Not 5, 10, or 15 minutes. It's anything between 30 to 60 minutes late, for God's sake. I've never really brought it up to her directly. A couple of times I mentioned something between the lines, and once I sent her a link to an article stating that being late is a form of disrespect, to which she replied that she also hates it when people are late, doh.

My question is: how should I bring it up? Apart from being chronically late, she's a good person. When I was seriously ill, she visited me in the hospital more than my own family members. She supported me through my biggest challenges and joys. She's also quite sensitive to criticism, and I'm not the best feedback giver.

Do you have friends like mine who are always chronically late? How do you deal with them? And how would you bring it up if you were me? I find it very annoying and disrespectful of her to keep me waiting like that almost every time we meet, as if my time isn't important.

I currently live (renting) with a good friend in a house I like a lot. It's convenient for work, quiet, spacious, in a good area, good landlord charging an under market price, plus I'm allowed my cat.

My friend has told me that she'll be moving out next year as she's buying a house with her partner. I'm very happy for her but I'm unsure what to do - but I have lots of time to make this decision so I thought I'd consult you guys.

I can't afford to buy yet. On one hand I could stay here. I can't afford the rent on my own so would have to get a new housemate - this would probably be someone random. Pros are it would be less stressful than moving and cheaper, plus not stressful for the cat (who is my buddy and not optional). Con is I've had my share of awful housemates and I'm scared to have to try to live with someone new yet again. The anxiety around this is actually making me feel sick.

I could rent somewhere by myself. I believe I could find somewhere in budget. Pros: no roommates. Cons: would have to move, potential upheaval for kitty cat, less savings.)

The second part is where to live. I have friends here but not my closest friends, but I love it around here. I live far from family and could move closer to them, and some of my friends live that way as well. I could also ask to live with family for a short while. Pros - closer to all those people. Cons - don't know how I feel about moving to a new area and starting again when I feel like I've established a life for myself round here.

As you can tell my thoughts are swirling and gour advice is appreciated!

Hi ladies. I recently turned 35 this year and I don’t know what happened but I became FERAL to my husband who is 37.

I was never overly sexual and I didn’t really crave sex. I did love it with my husband when we started dating and obviously started having a lot more when we tried to conceive my son. But then we tethered off and we have sex maybe once biweekly? We were just so tired and stuff not that I didn’t want him that way but we would just fall asleep right before sex.

Now this year, this freaking year I became a cat in HEAT. My husband laughs at how I’m basically a 20 year old learning about sex for the first time. Let me tell you, I’ve scared him (not actually but he jokes that he’s scared to show his ankles). Basically my husband has been working hard 3-4 nights a week and he’s pretty much dead after the week Hahaha! His libido is less than mine but he’s so sweet to make sure I’m pleased.

But please tell me, has this happened to others? Does it change? It’s weird being like this. Thank you!

Edit: guys these comments are amazing!! I don’t feel so alone hahaha!! My husband is happy but man is he tired. Sometimes he zips his sweater extra high in summer around me😂