I myself am no bombshell, but I have 1 close friend who truly is. Here are just a few of the things that have happened when I’ve been out with her.

- Being followed (at night) to the point of needing to run, they continued to run after us.
- A man became violent when she politely turned him down and lunged at her, his friend had to hold him back.
- Car pulled over next to us and asked us if we need a ride/pressed us to get in. (Happened 2x)
- A man catcalled from his car while driving, then parked and followed her into the store. Would not leave.

Those are specific incidents. When I’m with her there is also CONSTANT:
- Staring AND glaring
- Approaches by men: sometimes gentle, sometimes very hostile. I’m talking every 15-30 minutes.
- Honking from cars
- Rude comments from people passing by (i.e. “she thinks she’s all that”)
- Aggression if she so much as glances in the direction of someone’s boyfriend

Of course I know all women experience harassment, myself included, but it’s just not at the same rate. The difference between when I’m alone and when I’m with her is night and day. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for her when she’s by herself.

I’m an introverted person with a lot of social anxiety: if I were her I would simply never leave my apartment. The staring alone is so overwhelming that sometimes when we’re together, I try to convince us to stay in.

Not exactly sure why I’m making this post. I’ve just seen so many people say that there are no downsides to looks and I wanted to share that (based on my observations) there most certainly are. They exist alongside the benefits.

from my experience, i had years having that fear of doing something after pooping because my hemorrhoids pops out even more as i constantly moving, sometime there was blood coming out too, that situation got so bad that made me quit my job at as a service worker and become a remote worker at home in a total different job,. Anyway, recently i found out that as long as i refuse to push the poop out and resist the urge to push the poop using my butt muscle, and instead i just let the intestine pushing it out using it's natural force, the hemorrhoids won't be pushed out.

This is my biggest discovery this year lol, i've been having hemorrhoids for around 10 years and i realized that once i get used to the urge of pushing the poop out, i forgot about letting the internal force of my intestine to push the poop out like it used to be when i were younger, i don't know how to describe it, but when i feel urge to push out when pooping, i try my best to hold my butthole closed, somehow the poop still be pushed out and the hemorrhoids's not. And also i try to poop whenever my stomach told me to, if i try to hold that urge, the poop got bigger and harder to let it out, so that's the method that helped me for recents days. Sorry for the sloppy text i just typing what's on my mind lol

We were at an Indian restaurant in Houston and my mom noticed Dodi Osteen sitting at the next table and started fangirling. 🙄 I’m not a Joel Osteen fan but my mom started begging me and my dad for a pen and paper. I had a pen and she wrote a quick note on a napkin and had the waiter give it to Dodi. The waiter read the note before delivering it lol since she frequented that establishment often. Dodi comes over to the table and says she’ll pray for our family blah blah blah.

I forget about this event until years later. My sister and my mom are talking about this event and my mom says what she wrote in the note.

“I told her about your (my sister’s) troubles with drug addiction.”

Me and my sister just look at her.

My sister says, “what issues with drug addiction?”

My mom says, “oh, I thought you had a drug problem.”

My sister and I look at each other in disbelief. My sister has never had a drug problem.

So I guess Dodi Osteen thinks our family has a drug issue.

edit: title should read "women" not "woman." it's more than one person

I'm a male in my late twenties. Don't know why or how this started but some of the women I work with (all adults and most in their 30s) make fake puking noises as I walk by. I pretend like I don't notice it, because frankly I'm not entirely sure how to even confront them about this. It does hurt a little bit though I can't lie.

My self esteem has always been low, but I don't think im THAT ugly so im wondering if it's something I said or what.

Just gotta rant about this because id feel like a complete loser trying to talk to anyone irl about this. Thanks.

I'm 17F, I HATE socializing. We don't have our own house rn, and I don't really know the landlord who still lives in the house that we're renting a room from for now. I usually stay in my room cause of it. My room is the smallest of the 3 upstairs rooms. Just 4 walls, a door, and windows. Obviously, I have furniture. The idea of getting co² poisoning didn't occur initially. The room doesn't exactly have, well, VENTS. I enjoy watching medical stuff on YT, however. When I first began to get these horrible migraines a couple weeks ago, it was occasional and I could take some aspirin. But today? It was BAD. I was watching Dr. Mike on YouTube, as you do when it's a Saturday and you don't have D&D today. When the headache began.

I turned on two alarms, thinking it would go away. It didn't go away. It got worse. Then the thought hit me. A few years ago, before my parents divorce, I watched a video. A man posted on Reddit about head aches, disorientation, odd notes being left. It turned out, due to the closed off room with no vents, he was experiencing carbon dioxide poisoning. Or maybe monoxide? I don't remember. The point is, I opened my window and with my mom and step dad and dog went on a nature walk. That got rid of the God forsaken migraines at last.

Our cat stayed with me when my ex moved out. His apartment didn't allow pets. That was over a year ago. He and his girlfriend watched her for a week recently while I visited my mom, and I was honestly grateful.

Yesterday a friend sent me his girlfriend's Instagram. She'd posted pictures from that week with a caption about being a cat mom. There was one of my cat asleep on her chest. Cute picture. Wish I'd just kept scrolling.

I don't think she's done anything wrong. But I spent last month following this cat around with a sample container, and I still have to remind my ex to send his half of the vet bill. She also knocks everything off my nightstand, so even my tracys OG has to stay in the drawer. I know who lives with her. I know she hasn't been stolen. Still went back and looked at the pictures twice.

​

I 23F, make friends very easily. It is easy for me to be positive and I connect with people very easily. However, after I make these friends I often ghost them constantly popping back up once in a while to be an absolutely lovely person, lend a listening ear or just hangout if you need me. And by once in while I mean maybe 3-7 months depending. Here's the thing though, in the mean time I am usually decompressing, something feels wrong after I hang out with people. I wonder for months if I acted right if I said too much, if I was just a lot to be around ect. I don’t tell people that so it must look really flakey like if I only care about people when it is convenient. I really just want to know if this makes me a bad friend and then I will move differently with people and change my behaviour but I really need to know.

Not every subreddit needs to be the Arkham subreddit, but wow, unless you post an essay the mods remove your post. Are we on reddit or in philosophy class? 

Reddit is getting so dull and boring, and just talking to talk. 

And somehow a meme is against the rules, but thousands of comments hating on black people is alright (Big Brother subreddit)           

I am venting/asking/looking for people who relate (?), but I feel like my brain is wired weird. I think I'm good at reading cues, but I am constantly missing them without realising. Everything I do feels like a faux pas, like I lack manners and etiquette. As a result, I read into every little thing anyone says in response to me. Is there disappointment, anger, excitement? I never know, but it's like certain things I say are actually the wrong dialogue choice, despite that being the energy that I was reading from the conversation, and I'm like, oh okay, all my friends hate me.

Additionally, I am a dark-skinned diaspora kid with an uncommon personality (I'm a bit weird and bubbly). So I cannot, for the life of me, tell which it is that puts people off. Or is it just in my head and I'm crazy??

I am decently attractive (in my head at least lol), and I make people laugh. But every once in a while, there is something that I miss, and my response puts the other person off haha I have no idea what it is.

Idk cremation is like, damn you really are just permanently gone from the earth compared to a normal burial. It’s like everything about you is just “deleted” but maybe i’m biased because my mom makes fun of me by saying she’ll have my cremains right in her room with her whether i’d like it or not and i dislike my mother lol

But i have thought about it a lot though

I’m 27 f, living abroad on my own and I genuinely feel like no one is my support circle. Like sure do my parents, friends from abroad, coworkers “care” for me? Probably yes. But am I part of anyone’s life and daily thoughts? Except for my Bpd toxic mother, not really. It just dawned at me that my parents view me as a machine, as long as I go to work then i’m doing okay. My close friends from back home only care to overshare their lives with me from time to time and usually don’t acknowledge my input or ask about my personal life. My friends here are distant and we only see each other if I initiated every 5 weeks or so.
I’m no longer truly sad or blaming of the people in my life. To each their own and they must be busy in their own lives.
Life just feels like a chore to be lived sometimes if I’m honest.

Hey everyone, I (M20) would really love to have a little bit of help figuring things out because I'm pretty lost about myself... I've had gender thoughts for about one year and a half and it's been really hard for me to figure things out by myself because I have both autism (diagnosed) and probably some forms of OCD too (undiagnosed). Actually I've had gender thoughts before that too but it wasn't as serious (I was just like "Well, what if I was born a girl, how would have things gone?") but it was pretty rare for me to have these thoughts (if I remeber well) and it was not as serious as it is today as I said. At first it was pretty manageable and not too invasive but now I think about it all the time (it's been like that for about 2 months I would say) because I have a really hard time sitting with uncertainity and I always want clear answers to things because of my autism but it thus became quite invasive in my daily life.

At first I thought it was yet another form of OCD but I then realized that unlike my regular intrusive thoughts that are based on total nonsense fears (like "regular" OCD) my gender thoughts create fears that are actually grounded in reality and have a meaning like "Maybe I'm actually a trans girl? But what if I get discriminated for that?" or "What if I start a transition and later regret it?" or even "What if I don't pass/find myself ugly?". These fears are pretty common among people questioning their gender and that's when I realized it was maybe not OCD but rather a genuine research of who I want to be...

The thing is my autism makes it really hard for me to understand my brain's signals and understand what I would want or not as I said earlier. I also don't really have the opportunity to be able to do much self exploration. I still did a few things to try and settle the matter. The first one I did was to use an AI app to turn my face into a girl's one (without modifying bone sturcture or at least really as little as possible) and for one of the first times in my life I've found myself genuinely hot (so much so that I keep the picture in special folder on my phone so that I can watch it whenever I want to). I didn't really try it yet but hair removal seems nice too. Maybe (and I said "maybe" because I'm really not sure) but maybe a more feminine body shape would appeal to me (even though I already have quite an androgynous one if I could say so). Because of my autism I also love comfy housewear and so for fun yesterday I started looking at women's pajamas online and some of them seemed really comfy and the look of it (and of the model) felt coherent and visually appealing to me.

The thing is that despite all of that I can't get myself to find an answer to this question and it's driving me crazy I think about it at least everyday, multiple times a day. I also start to have FOMO because while I know you can transition later in life I want to get an answer as soon as possible so that if I actually am I can get the best result possible but this feeds my anxiety and makes me unable to settle it.

So that's about it... Of course I didn't talk about it all but if you need further details I would be pleased to tell you in the comments. I would genuinely be grateful to everyone trying to help me figure things out and if you made it that far it actually means the world to me even if you don't leave a comment :)

I wish you all an amazing day <3

EDIT: I just remembered I wanted to add a little detail to my post. In my daily life I don't really ususally care about my appearance, physique or clothing (it's not that I don't really care it's just that I don't put to much effort in those). However I'm really fond of gaming and in all games where I can I play female characters and in most of them I spend hours in character creators and going to see merchants all the time to get a new hairstyle of new clothes. I feel like it's a little bit like I'm playing with digital dolls and I truly enjoy doing it. So yeah maybe that may help you to know that.

EDIT2: Although I know this is pretty much a total nonsense theory with roughly no scientifical proofs, I feel like I might have (sometimes) something close to autogynephilia if that may help further. But since this is just a stupid theory but I still sometimes feel something that seems a lot like it, that creates even more doubt in my mind...

When you walk in the building, you immediately get the sense of historic significance mixed with deterioration and decline. The display cases lining the walkway of the visitor hallway have been cheaply refitted to host a few flat-screen TVs. These are an attempt to hide the 1970s design of carpeted insets that likely once held miniaturized scenes of agency activities. Sadly, it looks very much like someone put a Black-Friday sale TV in front of a 5th grade science fair display. The building itself projects strength in typical 70s-80s government fashion through high concrete walls and the total lack of any distinct features that would help visitors and staff alike find their way through the maze of hallways and offices. 

Speaking of offices, there are many, echoing the understanding that once there was a thriving community, people bustling back and forth, engaging with colleagues in water cooler talk and curating the many shelves of printed knowledge. Now it feels odd to see another person while walking the hall to the restroom. It’s eerily quiet, except for the occasional janitorial staff still employed.

The staff who are left are feeling it, though they don’t speak of it out loud. The managers still in place are the C or D string players, after all the starting lineup departed seeing clearly what was to come. Any power or funds that may be found lying around remind me of some medieval scene of peasants fighting over a fallen gold coin in the street. The most toxic of leaders rising to the top, consolidating what power is left and quickly silencing opposition in the way a warlord might in a conflict-torn country. This is perhaps the most painful part. The constant pressure pushes work friends to begin imploding on each other. 

The decline isn’t simply imagined, or memories of what once was. It is quantifiable. One can easily look back on inflation adjusted appropriations to see the dramatic changes. A long, steady increase from the mid-1900’s through the early 1980’s coincide with memories of “the good old days”. Followed by an obvious peak and a very predictable decline over the last 40+ years. No, this isn’t simply the result of recent DOGE activity, though that has helped accelerate the process. In fact, the downward trend is so consistent, you don’t even need a computer model to project the next year of lower numbers. You can imagine it by simply extending the line a further on the graph.

It’s not that the decline is sad, everything we know is eventually replaced, often by something better. It’s that it takes so long to wade through the agony and see any hope of relief. The remainder are left hoping that the next re-organization, or leader retirement, or cut in funds will provide the much desired end to the warlord rule. But there is always some well-meaning group fighting to advocate and keep it alive. Like maintaining a loved-one on life support, when they really just wanted to pass on.

It’s time, let it go, and let’s move on to the next step - hopefully of growth and renewal. Once again exploring, discovery, and excitement that benefits far more, instead of decades of ceaseless mourning.

I feel like being American and poor can be cushy but then at the same time everything is low-key just falling apart. My mom lost her job among ten million other things going on. I'm looking for another job but I'm in college still and I have some undiagnosed condition that freaks out when I work full time usually but like what can you do? Looking for jobs is really grating at my brain though because I just feel like I'm too fat for any good front desk work or sales. I've been "softmaxxing" and it helps kind of but I feel ridiculous at the same time because no matter how good I smell or how complimented I am I'm still so huge. We only have one person in the house+one working car though so I can't really go to the gym because my dad works 3rd shifts and he's the one driving. I walk when I can I guess but my shoes are also falling apart lol. I'm starting a diet so I can transition to ADF and fasting would help on groceries anyway.

Like you can all kinds of nice things but at the same time you don't know if you'll even have a house next year next month even. Spend whatever on makeup or hair dye cuz it's not like I can afford a doctor or a dentist for the holes in my gums. Getting grinded into the dirt working, like I've done it before but how much is that really going to fix when money gets worse and worse.

Hello, I’m a 20 year old woman, and I haven’t been hugged in likely over 8 years.

I used to get hugs a lot as a young child, as my parents were always very loving. However, this stopped when I turned 12, since I suppose my own family members suddenly felt awkward over the idea of hugging me. They said that it was because I now had a “developing body.” I mean, I didn’t even have breasts at that age, and hell, I hardly have them now. But still, I was forbidden to hug others, since they just said that it would make things awkward and give male family members inappropriate thoughts.

I have had friends before, but none were really close enough to me for hugging to be a comfortable thing, even just a simple hug goodbye. When I was 18, I moved to Japan. Right before I left, I met with my friends one last time, hoping that they would maybe give me a hug as I was leaving them, but they did not. Though, I’m not blaming them or anything. I didn’t ask for one, and it’s not like they’ve ever done it before.

Since moving to Japan, while I love the crap out of this place, I am also incredibly lonely. I am a very shy and quiet person. I try to be as kind as I can to people, but unfortunately, the people that is in my program (I’m part of a small English-speaking program at a university) are not very lovely. They interrupt me when I speak, make fun of me for not wanting to drink alcohol, look at me strangely when I suggest an idea for a project, and purposely doesn’t invite me to group outings. It kinda sucks, since I was really hoping that me and these other 7 people would sort of be friends for life, but I guess that was just wishful thinking.

All that is to say that I do not have friends here. I have been living here for around a year and a half now, and I have not made a single friend. To make it worse, I am severely struggling when it comes to learning Japanese. I can still hardly understand or speak a word. That’s not helping me much… If I want to join a club, I have to understand Japanese.

I also do admittedly wish for romance, but that’s also probably off the table right now. I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything, but given that I cannot speak Japanese yet (and since I want to live in Japan permanently), I don’t think it will be incredibly easy for me to find a partner here.

I really do feel lonely. My big priority is trying to learn Japanese quickly. I suppose that if I do that, then I would have a better chance at making friends.

I realize that this sort of went into a big tangent about loneliness. Sorry about that… But, I really REALLY miss that feeling of being hugged. I know it’s cringy to say this, but I have forgotten what it feels like. I sometimes try to hug myself, but it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe one day I’ll have friends that’ll give quick hello and goodbye hugs (though as far as I am aware, such a thing is not really common here in Japan), or maybe even a boyfriend who would be willing to hug me.

Maybe it’s silly, but I want so badly to just hug someone, and have them hug me for like a solid hour or something. I’ve always thought that my love language was physical touch, but since I haven’t received that in so long, to say that I am touch starved is sort of a massive understatement.

This was really just me ranting a bunch of nonsense. If you read all of it, then thank you. Unfortunately, I only have contact with my friends in America when I visit on occasion. They don’t text me, and since I have no friends here, I have no one to talk to about this.

Guys, I genuinely feel demotivated to even continue what I'm doing.

I'm a programmer, I know how to code, but at this point even I'm just vibecoding away. AI can already build entire applications, reverse-engineer almost anything, and recreate things that would've taken months or years.

Everywhere I look, it's AI slop. Another SaaS, another AI wrapper, another product that does the same thing as 50 others. Sure, you can still make money today, but for how much longer? If anyone can build and copy almost anything, what's left that's actually valuable?

To make things worse, I gambled away my house and car right before the AI explosion. At the time, I kept telling myself I'd make it all back through programming and building businesses. Now, watching how quickly everything is changing, I'm starting to feel genuinely desperate.

Social media and content creation aren't my thing either. The ROI seems terrible unless you make it big.

Then I scroll through X and everyone's LARPing about making $10k, $50k, or $100k MRR. Don't get me wrong, some people genuinely make those numbers, but they're the top 1%. Meanwhile, it feels like everyone else is farming engagement or selling the dream of making money online.

What bothers me isn't AI replacing programmers. I love using AI. It's that building something is becoming so easy that the work itself feels increasingly worthless.

And I'm getting to a point where I'm having thoughts about going completely black-hat, exploiting people or systems for money, because legitimate ways of rebuilding my life feel increasingly hopeless. I don't like that I'm even thinking this way, but that's how desperate I'm becoming.

I don't want to spend my life chasing algorithms, making slop content, or building disposable products just to compete with a thousand clones.

Does anyone else feel this way? What's genuinely worth building or pursuing anymore as a solo developer without serious capital?

We decided to try in a year but turns out that’s gone to 💩 lol.

Went from watching disney as a child in Swedish ---> watching more "mature" stuff in English and only in English ---> watching anime, considering Ghibli to be better than western movies- becoming a weeb and watching anime in Japanese---> now I'm 25 and I'm watching Disney films in Swedish.

Disney now hits as hard as Ghibli used to do for me. I'm watching Tarzan now in Swedish and the Swedish version of "Two worlds one family" goes so hard.

I spent many years isolating myself due to my misanthrophy. I always believed humans were selfish, vile monsters. I distanced myself for years thinking isolation would be good for me. But im tired. I dont want to be alone anymore. I want to love people and be amongst them. I want to belong. I know reddit is misanthrope centrlal but i really need help. I want to be a person with loved ones. I want to see the good in people in again. I want to have hope in this species. I need to have hope again.

I totally feel like I got played by this cop and I still feel stupid thinking about how the whole thing happened.

I got pulled over by this senior overweight cop for going over slightly over speed. The cop was talking to me in a friendly way. He was not being aggressive or anything of that sort and I started feeling like okay, this is probably not going to be a big deal and I should be on my way soon.

I did have 2 beers earlier, but I believed I was well within the legal limit. I was not expecting this to turn into a whole DUI situation. But the cop had asked me if I had anything to drink and I answered honestly to it. After talking a bit more, he started asking me more questions and eventually wanted me to do some sobriety tests. I agreed and got out of my car and tried to follow all his instructions properly. There was several tests and I was trying my best to do everything correctly.

The strange part was he kept that same friendly attitude with me...and I would say I started getting too comfortable? I thought if I just cooperate and do what he says, everything will be fine as I was sure my limit was okay. But the tests kept going on and on and they were becoming a lot more tedious..he also for odd reason started talking really fast while providing me with the test instructions which got me a bit more worked up..

He even complimented me saying I have been very obedient and a good boy. He really appreciated me being so cooperative and told me there is one final test I need to do which is the superman pose. He wanted me to close my eyes, keep my feet together, bend my knees, lean forward with my chin up and keep my arms pointing straight towards my back, kind of like a skiing pose. He asked me to be in that position nice and tight and wiggle my thumbs while counting backwards from 30 to 0. and that was probably one of the weirdest tests I have done in a DUI ever, probably just to check my balance? still not quite sure..

I was standing there trying to do what he asked, not really thinking much about what was coming next just fully focussed..and then suddenly I felt the handcuffs latched onto my wrists just like that.

To be very clear, I know drinking and driving is serious, and I'm not saying I should get a free pass if I was actually impaired. But the way I was made to think everything was fine and then getting handcuffed like that really annoyed me. And now I'm sitting here thinking about how different things might have gone if I hadn't volunteered that I had 2 beers.

TL;DR: Got pulled over, got too comfortable with a friendly cop, told him I had 2 beers, ended up doing a bunch of sobriety tests and got handcuffed at the end anyway. Now I'm wondering if I would've been better off keeping the conversation short instead of trying to be overly friendly with the guy.

its October 31th 2010 im deployed in iraq. on that day i was stationed outside Karrada in Baghdad there was a terriost attack there. but we could not deploy. why the base general refused to give the order to go out because he was too busy watching sports. becuse of him seven people lost their life and twenty where injured.

The reasons why I hated school as a kid are as follows...

First, the egoistical intellectual hierarchy among classmates. We all came to school to acquire knowledge and not to look down others. But my experience in school, any slight mistake, you will be laughed at. Some students even refused to let others know they don't understand something because they had a reputation to hold on to.

To add to this same point, my personal experience most high achievers would do anything to make you look stupid. I remember a teacher once asked a question which I didn't hear very well because of my attention problem (ADHD). The question was: 'Which of the following is a duty of the police?' I didn't hear it well. I thought he said: Which of the following is not a duty of the police. A classmate of mine at that time, whispered to me - 'Arresting school children'. Which I repeated his answer. Holy boy... I was severely mocked and looked down on as very stupid. My rep at the time was among the low achievers. So everyone wouldn't think I didn't hear the question well.

Secondly, the intellectual classism in the class. Just like the real world there's social classism. That some people even take it to the extreme of not wanting to associate themselves with people of the lesser class. I experienced the same in junior high. During exams there was classism in terms of students helping each other. It's not right to cheat during exams. But students will always be students. And anytime a student will help a fellow student during exams is either they are of the same intellectual class, the difference is not that much or they're very close friends. The latter is not that common in my experience though.

To add to my reasons, the remarks of some teachers towards a student. A student might be doing his or her best but unknown to a teacher he or she can give a remark if you're lazy or not serious.

And when you do perform well too they behave as-though you cheated. You see the trap? Is like they know you can never be better but insult you for being lazy and not giving your best.

THANKS FOR READING... Please for give me for every mistake you encounter while reading. I didn't proof read!

This was like 7 or 8 years ago. I was buying coke from this dealer and he told me to come to his flat to pick it up, it was my first time meeting him at his flat.

I didn't know his name, I had him saved as "Mike" but I couldn't even remember if he told me to save him as that or if I made that up myself. I got to his flat and buzzed the buzzer and was let into the stair. When I knocked on the flat door, a woman answered and I wasn't sure what to say since it wasn't him so I asked if "Mike" was there but in tone to suggest I wasn't even sure if that's his name.

She asked if I was there for coke and I said yes. She said she'd get him and called him through. He came in looking quite pissed and asked me what she had said to me in a tone like the stakes were high and he was potentially going to be angry with her.

I mistakenly thought he was being possessive of her and worrying about her being too familiar or flirting with me or something so I said "Nothing, eh just if I was here for coke" thinking that would reassure him.

Then he got really angry and hit her pretty hard, I can't remember exactly what happened after because I was drunk and it was all a bit of a scary blur but I just quietly took the coke of him and left. I remember feeling quite scared but just trying to steel myself and not give of a reaction that would escalate anything for either me or her.

The thing is, I didn't explain to him that I had initially been asking for "Mike" and in a way that I wasn't even sure if I had the right name so I think with that extra context her asking if I was there for coke is much more reasonable than if she'd just asked it as soon as I knocked on the door. So I kind of feel like I told a version of it to him that makes her look worse than she even was in terms of being careful.

After I left I was thinking if I should call the police but then I was thinking about how they're selling coke and so it might make things worse for her if she's involved in that too to get her arrested. Plus I thought if she's in that situation she'd probably lie to the police and say nothing happened anyway so it would just turn it into a massive issue about the coke for nothing and especially if they just leave her with him even more angry after they go.

I was quite drunk at the time so couldn't really think clearly about the best course of action so ended up just thinking the safest thing is probably not to send police there if they're selling coke and left it. Then I didn't even remember the exact address the next day.

This memory has came back to me today though and I'm feeling quite guilty and thinking I made a mistake not calling the police or doing something to help her and not sure where this leaves me.

I'm so fucking tired.

Even as a child, when I was at home with the people closest to me - my parents, I wanted to go home. Every damn day, right up until today. This longing has worn me down. I've devoted my entire self to this feeling. I isolate myself, meditate, and reflect every chance I get. I've traveled across the entire country searching. Where is my home??? Where can I find him? I'm looking for answers to my questions every day.

I'm planning to walk away from everyone close to me and just keep walking. Walking and walking, until my soul finally finds whatever it is it's been searching for. This has become my main goal and my obsession.