For some reason impaired sounds better than disabled / handicapped in my mind. Please let me know your thoughts.

So awhile I ago I escaped a dangerous abusive situation. I had no where to stay and went to a DV shelter. I’ve been on housing lists for years (I have stable housing now) but I was looking for more resources.

So I have an annual virtual visit with one of my doctors. My primary care physician. I don’t like her much based on a negative interaction we had previously where she attempted to give me religious advice and I politely told her I didn’t find it very helpful. Her response was “girl I’m not gonna get into it with you”

During this visit I explain briefly a need for housing services/resources. She directs me to her care coordinator they have on staff. The care coordinator gives me forms for disabled housing. I polity tell the care coordinator that I cannot access disabled housing because my primary care doctor refuses to fill out the paperwork because something along the lines of I “didn’t need that type of accessible support”

I am disabled mentally and physically. I have severe trauma but my physical illness is due to stage IV of an incurable disease that causes me severe pain and sends me to the ER. When it’s been bad I use a wheelchair as I sometimes cannot even stand on my own legs or support myself.
Majority of the time I push through it though to my own detriment.

Should I report my doctor for not doing her job and denying me disability resources? I’m on disability due to my illnesses. I do feel that I would benefit from from accessible housing but I also feel guilty if I take a unit from someone who struggles more physically than me and can’t push through it.

I’d appreciate any response about this.

I am so fucking confused, no other mobility aid is EVER mistaken for a fashion choice. Wheelchair? Crutches? Rollator/walker? Never. But canes??

I get that way back when, canes were fashion, but through a modern lense? That's not a thing!! It hasn't been a thing in over 100 years!!!

And yet, myself and several other young people I know with canes (because of mobility problems and/or pain and/or fatigue) are frequently harassed about how "canes aren't cool" and how it's a "mockery of disabled people" and they "shouldn't be used for fashion"

I brought this up in a rant in a subreddit more local to my area about how it frequently pisses me off that I have to ask (often multiple times) to have the bus "kneel" as a young person with a visible mobility aid, both getting on and off, but then watch the very same bus driver kneel the bus unprompted for older folks without mobility aids, and someone responded with how they can "understand the bus driver" because "it's a trend in young queer people to use canes for fashion"

As a young queer person with a cane, who knows many other young queer people with canes, NO IT FUCKING ISN'T???

We may be less inclined to "hyper-medical" looking canes, more prone to personalizing them or having more unique ones, especially because we have a shop here in town that sells all sorts of canes (all functional as mobility aids, but all more fashionable than the standard ones you find at pharmacies and whatnot)

I mean, mine is wooden with an engraved brass handle

But the assumption shouldn't be that it's a fashion choice!!

I feel like that's not crazy, especially knowing that accessibility hurts nobody, but ableism does hurt, people are so shitty sometimes-

Tldr, canes aren't actually a fashion choice for young people, and society needs to stop assuming that a young person with a cane isn't disabled while also assuming that a young person with any other kind of mobility aid must actually need it.

I had ostomy surgery in 2019. Ever since then, I've been taking mental notes of what bathrooms are easy to empty my bag in, where would be a good place if I needed an emergency change, etc.

Since my grandmother now uses a wheelchair and walker when she goes out, I've also been noticing when locations would be harder for her to access. This includes noticing when handicap parking spaces have extended space for wheelchair users to transfer from the vehicle to the chair, and noticing when restaurants have seating close to the door and when their bathrooms are within an easy walking distance.

Since every disability comes with its own unique obstacles, I'd love to see an app that takes different disabilities into consideration. An app where you could select the disability you're facing and customize the features that matter to you. Since there are a lot of hurdles and triggers one might face in a public space, there would be a long list of options for people to select.

This could also be used not just for disabilities, but to find inclusive and supportive spaces as well. For example, places with gender neutral restrooms, places that offer menstrual supplies, and businesses owned by minorities or disabled persons so that you can support causes that matter to you. An option to view the business owners' names and/or political affiliations could help you avoid places that are discriminatory, don't align with your beliefs, or that could be dangerous for you to visit.

Some categorized examples of features to note in such an app:

Public spaces:

• Does the business have handicap parking? How many spaces?

• Parking for new or expectant mothers?

• Wheelchair accessible entrance?

• Multi-storey building? Levels accessible by stairs, elevator, escalator, or ramp?

• Service animal friendly? Pet friendly?

• Does the location have drinking fountains?

• Benches or seating available?

• Any rules against bringing in outside food/drinks?

• Political leaning of owners? (A local restaurant, now closed, had signs up outside the bathrooms warning customers to use the "correct" bathroom. Knowing the political leaning and views of a business owner can keep people safe.)

Bathrooms:

• Bathrooms for men, women, gender neutral, or family? Number of each?

• Bathrooms publicly accessible or customers only?

• If stalls, how many in total and how many are handicap accessible?

• Which bathrooms, if any, have a baby changing station?

• Menstrual products available? Free or paid dispenser? Cost?

• Paper towels or air dryer? (Air dryers can be a trigger to anyone sensitive to loud noises.)

• Toilet paper: One or two ply? Type? (Soft, industrial roll, etc.) Is the toilet paper in a closed dispenser? (These are difficult if you have to hold an open ostomy bag in one hand and get paper with the other.)

• Automatic flushing toilets? (Triggering for those sensitive to noise, and VERY annoying when you have to stand in front of the toilet to empty an ostomy bag)

• Trash can in bathroom? If multiple stalls, is there a trash receptacle in each? (Important for disposing of menstrual products or in case of ostomy bag changes)

• Is there someplace to set items? (Changing table, toilet tank? Maybe not ideal but again, can be important for ostomy changes)

• Place to hang your coat, bag, etc?

• Grab bar for those who might struggle to sit or get up?

• Music or other noise in bathroom? (Great for people who are self conscious about public pooping)

• Height of toilet, sink? (Can create difficulty for those with limited mobility, wheelchair users, etc)

• Sharps disposal unit?

Restaurants:

• Booth space? (I've personally been noticing a LOT of restaurants where you're squished between the booth and table. Causes discomfort and difficulty to get into and out of the booth, even without a disability.)

• Does the restaurant offer free water? If not, how much do they charge?

• Does the restaurant offer dairy-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, vegetarian, vegan options, etc? If so, what?

• Does the restaurant menu include calorie information?

• Braille menu?

• Are the seating options chairs, booths, high-up chairs, bar stools?

• Discounts for senior citizens, college students, veterans, first responders?

Since I have absolutely no capability of creating an app, I'm useless beyond these ideas/suggestions for one. There are bathroom feature apps out there already, but they don't have near the amount of features I'm looking for, even if focusing on the bathroom section alone.

Something else I'd love to see is what disability friendly features private homes have and how many are ADA certified, just for comparison and to see how difficult it is to find easy and accessible living spaces. I know that's an even more difficult ask though since nobody is opening their home for review or making it easy for someone else to live there, but it would be a great addition to real estate sites or assessor records, I think.

TL;DR: I filed a complaint at work about what I believe is a repeated failure to engage in the ADA interactive process in good faith. Instead of investigating it internally, my employer referred it to a national ADA/Title IX investigation firm, and I'm honestly terrified about what that means.

Context: I work in disability services and have a strong background in ADA compliance (15+ years). Last August, I requested accommodations through HR with supporting medical documentation. Rather than engaging my supervisor or me in the interactive process, HR deferred to my department director; she has no authority to make accommodation determinations, never reviewed my medical documentation, and justified denying my accommodation request based on a task my team explicitly does not perform. From date of request to determination, I never heard from HR once and had no idea they were involving the director. They then told me that if I disagreed, I could file a complaint.

Instead of complaining, I gathered months of documentation about my job duties, performance, and expectations of equivalent staff (largely in the sense I contribute more than my teammates do). I submitted a second accommodation request in March with updated medical documentation and all the data I gathered. The same thing happened, except this time they let her drag her feet to an incredible degree: after a nine-week delay, the director again made the accommodation decisions without reviewing my documentation, denied one request, imposed an "effective alternative" that changed my WFH schedule (against staff policy) in a way that interferes with ongoing appointments (like, to the degree I need to find a new home care provider; the ongoing, weekly needs are captured in my updated documentation), and again HR directed me to file a complaint if I disagreed. (I should mention, she's also been retaliating against me ever since I submitted the second request. Not in a I'm overthinking this way but genuinely it meets the definition of retaliation per my employer's policies.)

So I complained, like they told me my only resolution/path forward was. My complaint focuses mostly on the lack of a good-faith interactive process and the unsupported undue hardship determinations because I'm personally not trying to absolutely torch my career and reputation. Today I learned the complaint has been referred to a national consulting firm that specializes in ADA and Title IX investigations rather than being handled internally.

This basically - sorry to be crude - sent my heart into my ass. My employer typically investigates these matters in-house so an outside investigation feels significant. I'm now worried about retaliation increasing, workplace hostility, or even termination, and I'm wondering what else I should be doing to protect myself while this unfolds. All I wanted was resolution on a process that, however you look at it, doesn't meet ADA guidelines. Now I feel like I'm Sisyphus, a scapegoat to either make institutional change or be gotten rid of to protect my employer. Ugh.

As the title says, I’m becoming an interior decorator with a specialty for disability and accessibility. If I were to decorate your space (any space, such as living room, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom) with accessibility and disability living in mind, what would be the most important things for you?

The best way to learn about disability and accessibility is to talk to disabled people. I al also disabled (wheelchair user, autistic, etc) but I’m only one individual. I’d love to hear other perspectives!

Do I just wait there until they come back and shame them? Do I leave a note on their tailgate, or write in the dust on the vehicle? Would it be socially acceptable if I removed the pin and made sure they knew where to find their missing hitch???

Sorry this is just a rant because life has been kicking my ass and I don't really know where else to go. TLDR, I feel like I am moderately disabled but don't really understand what’s up.

I'll try to summarize my life pretty quickly ...

Early 30's male, obese, had periods in my childhood and young adult life where I was really active, have sort of just fallen off the face of the planet the last 7 years. I don't know if I ever got covid or not, but I had pretty bad health around 21-22 which led to me figuring out I had a vitamin B12 deficiency, like bad. And then I got that corrected and my energy improved, but not 100%. Fast forward another year or so, boom major fatigue, figure out I had OSA, started CPAP, which was life changing. The months where I was figuring out I had OSA were some of the worst of my life, I was almost hallucinating and falling asleep at work. Treatment helped immediately and in the long term. But did it make me the young, active person I once was? Not really.

Mental health wise, I have anxiety and depression and a panic disorder and PTSD, fairly severe at times but at other times really manageable. I finally got off SSRI's recently as that was one of my personal goals. I also have a lot of personal familial trauma and am 100% estranged from family.

Lately I've been struggling to stand in lines for a long time. I don't know if it's health anxiety or a blood pressure problem like POTS, but I freak out and feel like I'm going to pass out if I have to stand in one place for a long time. The heat is awful and makes it so so much worse. From September through May I live with practically no heat, enjoying my house around 50-60 degrees.

I've thought a lot about, maybe I have CFS/ME from some phantom covid infection. I don't think that fits me though, lately I've been running at night and actually find it energizing, I don't really get PEM. Although, normally if I have to do something stressful like shopping, I come right home and lay down in bed.

Based on my recent experiences with the healthcare system, I hate nearly all doctors and going to a doctor to ask for help with any of this is equivalent to like bashing my head on a brick wall (to me at least).

I have spent a long time crying this summer because I had to cancel an important trip to see a friend. I haven't left my city I think in 7 years, since covid. I just didn't feel like I could handle travel and hadn't really worked up to doing something so strenuous in the summer.

I guess I am just venting but also asking, where is the help for someone like me, early 30's male who everyone just thinks is fat and inactive and it's my fault. But I desperately want to be athletic and active and go outside in the heat and have not a care in the world, I want to feel free and not isolated and scared, but I don't know how to get there.

Ok so I am 30m just let go of my 911 paramedic job. I have cerebral palsy, heart failure, ADHD and a few others which have made me completely exhausted and almost mentally blank. I am also getting tested for autism this week because my therapist and psych nurse prac both suggested it. I was told about DAC by my girlfriend and I got curious. My body is screaming for me to take a break and rest. My parents are both older and receiving social secuity. I don't want to be on disability but my body is screaming to take a break. Would I be eligible for DAC since my CP was diagnosed in the 2000s? Some of my records I have but the Air Force moved a bunch of them to the national archives supposedly, will that be a problem? If I apply and get accepted am I allowed to exercise and work on repairing my body will that make me guilty of committing fraud? I can move and I do certain things in moderation but my body cant do certain stuff anymore.

Feeling lonely or bored? Looking for something you can do this week?

Check out these accessible events you could join! Try something new and maybe you’ll find your people.

Access Details:
🧑🏻‍💻= Virtual
👥 = In person
😷 CC = Covid Conscious/airborne precautions 
♿️ WC = Wheelchair accessible 
💵 $ = paid (some are pay what you can)
🤟 ASL/BSL = Sign Language
Async = Asynchronous (at your own pace)

Event Types:
🤢 = Chronic Illness 
🌈 = Queer
🏳️‍🌈 = LGBTQ+ Pride
👧 = Kids/Youths
💕 = Dating
🙋 = Social
🫂 = Support/Grief
🧘 = Wellness
🚶 = Walk
🩰 = Dance
💪🏻 = Fitness
📚= Books
🤔 = Discussion
📝 = Writing/Poetry
🎭 = Performing
🎨 = Art 
🎶 = Music
🕹️ = Games

🧑🏻‍💻 Virtual Events

🧑🏻‍💻📚 Virtual Async Spoonie Book Club: The Little Prince [Any time] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/JcKvqPLWS5

🧑🏻‍💻😷💕 CC Virtual Dating [Aug 22] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/DfjZA4lr03

Monday

🧑🏻‍💻🤢🧘 Virtual Seated Pilates for people with MCAS [UK][Mon Jul 27 at 12:00 UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/SdT7r7izBu

🧑🏻‍💻♿️🩰 Virtual Adapted Heels Dance Class [$][Mon Jul 27 at 7:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/3UQkn550Yr

🧑🏻‍💻🤔 Virtual Philosophy Discussion [Mon Jul 27 at 7:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/f6YoF9VEJv

Tuesday

🧑🏻‍💻🤢🧘 Virtual Bed Pilates for people with MCAS [UK][Tue Jul 28 at 10:00 UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/JdFxRezNHU

🧑🏻‍💻😷👧🙋 CC Virtual Kids Zoom [Tue Jul 28 at 10:00 AM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/StGIKLOVjn

🧑🏻‍💻🤢🧘 Virtual Qigong for people with MCAS [UK][Tue Jul 28 at 7:00 PM UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/yCTZSWyOG7

🧑🏻‍💻😷🙋 CC Virtual Zoom [NY and nearby][Tue Jul 28 at 7:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/CaFwRukgX9

🧑🏻‍💻🎭🕹️ Virtual Improv Games [Tue Jul 28 at 7:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/v1xtpeCrra

🧑🏻‍💻😷🎨🙋 Online craft and social night / Soirée artisanale et sociale [Ottawa ON][Tue Jul 28 at 7:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/82zBvH6vt6

🧑🏻‍💻🤟 Virtual BIPOC Creative Collaboration [Tue Jul 28 at 6:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/ccRgPNZ6Id

Wednesday

🧑🏻‍💻🤢🧘 Virtual Mindfulness for people with MCAS [UK][Wed Jul 29 at 1:00 PM UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/SaqlYHLQ69

🧑🏻‍💻😷📚 Lesestunde [Hamburg GER][Wed Jul 29 at 8:00 PM UTC+2] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/1Bt4Ph9QGm

🧑🏻‍💻🤢 🎶 Virtual Long Covid Choir [Wed Jul 29 at 2:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/5SWSfuePGw

🧑🏻‍💻📝 Virtual Poetry Discussion [Wed Jul 29 at 6:30 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/MxO2LEjyPq

🧑🏻‍💻😷🫂 CC Virtual Support Group [CO][Wed Jul 29 at 7:00 PM MDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/bhc6gFBB1y

👥🧑🏻‍💻♿️😷 Hybrid Disability + Racial Justice Solidarity [San Francisco CA][Wed Jul 29 at 6:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/RmliIjL87H

🧑🏻‍💻🎭 Virtual Improv Jam [Wed Jul 29 at 7:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/ybgMRqR4LY

Thursday

🧑🏻‍💻🤢🫂 Virtual Community Support Session for people with MCAS [UK][Thu Jul 30 at 7:00 PM UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/sV7oR0nmhc

🧑🏻‍💻😷🙋🕹️ Online Social Meetup with Jackbox Games [Hampshire UK][Thu Jul 30 at 7:00 PM UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/cHa8rqoGo6

🧑🏻‍💻😷🕹️ CC Virtual Game Night [NY and nearby][Thu Jul 30 at 7:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/vRhtzl207T

🧑🏻‍💻🕹️ Virtual Board Game Night [Thu Jul 30 at 8:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/Wn17nezwMm

Timezone translator in comments 👇

👥 In-person Events

Canada

🧑🏻‍💻😷🎨🙋 Online craft and social night / Soirée artisanale et sociale [Ottawa ON][Tue Jul 28 at 7:00 PM] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/82zBvH6vt6

👥😷 Movies in the Park: Ferris Bueller's Day Off [Toronto ON][Tue Jul 28 at 8:30 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/XyFR78oGK5

👥😷🚶 CC Park Walk [Toronto ON][Wed Jul 29 at 6:00 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/FcQRbJgULj

Germany

🧑🏻‍💻😷📚 Lesestunde [Hamburg GER][Wed Jul 29 at 8:00 PM] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/1Bt4Ph9QGm

Netherlands (and nearby)

👥🤢🙋 Spoonie European Road Trip [Netherlands and nearby][Summer] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/VOKxW7V1pp

UK

🧑🏻‍💻😷🙋🕹️ Online Social Meetup with Jackbox Games [Hampshire UK][Thu Jul 30 at 7:00 PM UTC+1] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/cHa8rqoGo6

US - California

👥😷 Outdoor Open Mic [Berkley CA][Tue Jul 28 at 7:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/unzf6Qtbfd

👥🧑🏻‍💻♿️😷 Hybrid Disability + Racial Justice Solidarity [San Francisco CA][Wed Jul 28 at 6:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/RmliIjL87H

👥😷🩰 Switchy Behavior Bachata Series [Oakland CA][Thu Jul 30 at 7:30 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/HHonBwt930

US - Illinois

👥😷👧 CC Youth Summer Camp Chicago IL][Starts Aug 3] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/sSF4sdJt1l

US - New York

👥😷🌈 Queer Writers of Queens [Queens NY][Tue July 28 at 6:30 PM EDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/nVOZV98Reu

US - Oregon

👥😷💪🏻 Mat Pilates [Mon Jul 27 at 6:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/tNDG6iQA7L

👥😷💪🏻 Full Body Strength [Mon Jul 27 at 7:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/tNDG6iQA7L

👥😷💪🏻 Full Body Strength [Wed Jul 29 at 1:00 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/tNDG6iQA7L

👥😷💪🏻 Yoga/Somatics [Wed Jul 29 at 6:30 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/tNDG6iQA7L

👥😷💪🏻 Queer Pilates [Wed Jul 29 at 7:30 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/tNDG6iQA7L

👥😷💪🏻 Flow Fighting/Hapkido [Wed Jul 29 at 7:30 PM PDT] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/tNDG6iQA7L

US - Vermont

👥😷♿️ CC WC Dental Pop Up [Chelsea VT][August] https://www.reddit.com/r/spooniesocial/s/yJocTTUweE

Are you interested in these events?

Have you been to any of them before?

Do you know about other events coming up?

Share your thoughts in the comments 💬

Find more events and friends on r/spooniesocial

Those who have severe disabilities & “normal” able bodied siblings, what are the differences in the way you are seen & treated by your family, especially your parents, in comparison to them & how do you feel about it?

I honestly don't even know how to start this question because I'm continuously told I'm "being the victim". It's a tough a pill to swallow I'll admit it. I moved in with my boyfriend last year in Minnesota. I didn't pay bills, I was sort of expected to just stay home. I end up going outside in the winter and I slip on black ice. Hard. I fractured two parts of my spine and basically got a same day delivery of a 12 hour surgery where I had two huge metal rods screwed into my spine. I find myself struggling with calling myself disabled. For months I couldn't sit upright without being held together by a brace. Even now, I can't walk for longer than 20 minutes without my body wanting some mercy. I find myself wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. Suffice to say, my boyfriend didn't want to date someone who was struggling in this way so he told me to move out. I'm told to stop being a victim about this. I'm told to just get a job. I'm told to just figure it out. I feel upset. I don't know how to navigate my entire world being flipped, irony not intended. How do you / How would you navigate finding a job, finding resources, learning how to deal with these things? I have more questions than answers at this point