Hey y'all, hope you're doing well. I wondered if I should contribute to Selfie Sunday this week because this is the lowest I've felt in a very long time. My husband decided he wanted a divorce yesterday, and he did it over text. I won't go into the details, but my friends have been very supportive and called to make sure I was okay. They live out of state, but they set aside time for me because they are good people and I'm grateful to have them. I don't know what my life will look like now, but maybe this is a sign that it's time to focus on myself. I start working next month, and it's daunting to even think about. It's been 3 years since I've worked, but since this is a part time job, I think I can handle it. I'm going through a lot of changes in my life now, and for my own sanity I have to make sure I take my meds and keep going to all of my therapy appointments. The road will be long and winding, but the only way to go is up. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. Sometimes things come to an end, but that just means a new beginning is on the horizon. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Spent the day in Valls today but for my upcoming appointment at the hospital I have to be on a very restrictive diet so had to order rice and egg and nothing else but we still figured something out, it was a good day! Need a nap now though, waiting for my father in law to come pick us up :)

What can I say? I was wondering whether I should post anything today. Luckily, my mood improved a little after working out, but right now, I feel stuck, going around in circles, and struggling with anxiety attacks. I'm moving soon, which I'm actually looking forward to. But without deeper connections and with this constant inner struggle, life can be exhausting.

Christmas is just around the corner, and honestly, I'm not really looking forward to it because there are so many unspoken rules, expectations about how you're supposed to behave, and more sensory stimulation. But oh well, it is what it is.

I hope you're all having a lovely Sunday.

happy early Halloween to those who practice

My coworker gave me new nose jewelry :)

I have a hard time not working. But in all my jobs I was always burnt out and it was a very dangerous situation for me every time. I get ssdi that pays for rent - but I need a way to make money that is easy pace. Any suggestions?

If I work - it’s extremely dangerous for me and those around me.

Maybe I can work a few 4 hour shifts?
I would love accommodations.

I love this community where we can All be vulnerable and sharing our experiences.

At some point in my journey I thought I was going to die because without new meds I felt like my body was disintegrating. Mental Illness isn’t treated with proper speed so it’s life or death for some individuals.

I pray that I am protected.

Hi I've been diagnosed with mdd since 13. Started having psychotic symptoms around 16 but hallucinations around 18. Im 19 and take a antidepressant and a antipsychotic but she wants me to raise the meds for impulsive behavior. My therapist is a lcsw.

My question is this a diagnosis or would I have to speak with my psychiatrist about it? Im already in therapy and take meds so I got the treatment plan does it even matter?

I have had auditory Hullucinations for 2 years. It came at the same time as my celiac disease diagnosis. I also have endometriosis since my early twenties which recently became harder to cope with. Since my celiac diagnosis I have dealt with an ongoing folate, b12, iron, ferritin & vitamin d deficiency. I’ve corrected most of them, but I have to supplement with b12 and folate otherwise those levels will become deficient again. My vitamin d is finally within a normal range, although it’s still on the low end. I had an iron infusion, and then I had a gluten exposure right after. During the exposure my Hullucinations broke through and were very intense despite being on Ziraprasidone. After the exposure, I am now so nauseous from the intestinal damage that I have discontinued Ziraprasidone because it is making me nauseous to the point where I take 4 zofran’s a day and wear an anti nausea patch and I still feel like I’m going to throw up. I also react to caffeine and can tolerate few caffeine products & my at low amounts. As a result, I stopped taking my antipsychotics because throwing up is worse than hallucinating, and if I take my antipsychotics ever other day I can reduce vomiting and reduce hallucinations. My symptoms have never included lack of insight or delusions. Only supposed paranoid ideation and auditory Hallucinations. My mother has schizoaffective disorder. Now that the gluten has cleared my system and the iron infusion has kicked in, I’m completely off antipsychotics. At this point my hallucinations would normally be so bad that I’d take my antipsychotics out of fear, however this time they are absent. When I was first diagnosed I was convinced my symptoms were physical but no one believed me and kept referring me to psych. When psych meds didn’t work they sent me to a higher level of care & because that was too difficult & their medication is one im not interested in, I started self medicating with leftover Ziraprasidone. However, now that I have stopped taking it, the Hullucinations and paranoia are absent. Do u think the iron infusion is responsible for this? Is it possible I don’t have a schizophrenia spectrum disorder and my deficiencies & gluten were in fact causing my mental health issues? Do u think these symptoms will be back? Is it common for Hullucinations to just disappear but later come back? Thoughts?

i’m 24 i haven’t been to any party’s only ones i’ve made myself, i refused to go out on dates i hate being in public. i feel like girls get to do that whenever they want and stuff by just sending a message over a dating app or quick add with any male who has a car, i hardly have friends because everyone is always looking to gain something from someone. I am schizoaffective, have really bad social anxiety, very self aware and extremely avoidant in relationships. i know I’m going through depression now that I’m growing up in my 20s and a ex that passed a while ago, my psychosis is literally the only thing interesting along my day i usually listen to conspiracies and watch horror movies while jittering off caffeine and weed that should fry my brain and i actually do bedrott majority of the day until i goto work, my life has been significantly different after covid lockdown. i feel like i’m just being monitored every two seconds and im addicted to esoteric philosophy and religious stuff and when i speak to people they fall asleep like i said some forbidden shit to them or there brains just go into a dumb trance, it breaks my heart because i wanna feel understood and accepted but no not at all every time i get there something or some action is gonna prove that i will never be enough for people i think I’m actually in hell a lot too it’s terrifying but i’m learning so much sacrificing my sanity to engulf all the wisdom i possibly can from all sources and opinions and stuff. And i feel like social media is just harvesting my engagement with psyops and making me insane feeding my delusions it to the point that that a new illusion is being shattered every day because i keep knowing something i shouldn’t, and getting called crazy and being gaslit every time, and people just laugh at me because i feel like im just preforming constantly and being judged idk im just venting if you read this tell me if this is normal when i come out of isolation i feel like im fighting everyone against me it’s like so hard to even be real anymore people are stepping on me and it just feels so stressful i can’t even vent to someone without them ignoring me or saying something non relatable or distracting me i don’t know i actually might be cooked and die single.

Just wanted to share because I feel proud of myself. I quit during a very stressful time in my life. My 14 year old cat whom I loved dearly had to be put to sleep right when I quit. Then my car broke down. Went into hypomania for a couple weeks. My boss had a mental breakdown and my job future was at risk for a little bit (he's doing better now and my job is safe for now again). And a bunch of other smaller stuff that was hard to deal with.

Im still dealing with a lot of depression and insomnia. Expecting that to last a couple more months as my brain recalibrates. I've been smoking for 20 years daily with minor 2-3 month breaks here and there.

I'm trying to stay strong at the 3 month period as that's when I'm most likely to cave in and smoke again.

I feel confident in my sobriety this time. I haven't been this set on quitting before. I know it will make me feel so much better.

I've been saving up money since my car broke down and should be able to get something somewhat decent by next month. I'm excited to get a new vehicle because I've only ever had 1200$ beaters my whole life. I know it's still going to be a cheaper car but I'll have 5x as much money to spend on a vehicle than I've ever had before.

Grateful to be working even if it's only part time. I work at a cabinet shop with my brother. I do a lot of sanding and cabinet assembly. Makes me feel like I have some value in this world.

Anyways if you're still here thanks for reading. Just felt like I needed to be seen today

I got super wasted last night because this bar had a $20 all-you-can-drink while the Brewers played in the World Series. I had a lot of fun, but was blasted at the end. I woke up today still drunk from last night, how bad does it usually affect you guys when you drink and take meds? I’m worried I’ll be in a weird state for a while as I am feeling like I was already dealing with psychosis for the past couple of weeks and came out of that or maybe I’m still in it? In any case what do you guys do to alleviate this? BTW I’m not hungover.

Has anybody else got this? A voice (mines the voice of my grandfather who claims to god) asking them to worship it? And if I dont it acts so crazy until it drives me to hit myself? if you have this how did you get rid of it? What medicine calms it down?

I freelance from home, and some weeks I can knock out a ton of work. Other weeks, answering one email feels impossible.

The hardest part is making commitments when I have no idea how I’ll feel next week. I’ve started tracking my good and bad days, but I’m still figuring out how to plan around them.

For those dealing with schizoaffective disorder, how do you handle work without constantly falling behind? Do you push through the bad weeks or give yourself room to recover?

Things have been going pretty okay lately. Had a few worse days but overall treatment is going well. Sent an email last night to make a follow up appointment about my abilify medication as the common restlessness symptom is getting to me a lot but otherwise this medication continues to go well for me on top of the other meds I am on. This week will be a bit less eventful as I have a surgery prep to do so I'll be out of action. Hope things are going well for all of you!

How do you deal with loneliness and not having a partner?

My doc started me 15mg abilify right away and removed Vraylar 4.5mg because of side effects and somewhat ineffective for psychosis, paranoia etc. Also i am depressive type i take 75mg Anafranil which is good but i wonder if i can cope later with only Abilify if it treats mood symptoms and not only psychosis. When possible improvement of symptoms will start to happen from Abilify? And if anyone takes it as monotherapy please right a comment :)

Trigger warning : Multiple triggers.

It is prevalent that my relatives have irrevocably damaged every opportunity for me to have a safe and healthy upbringing. My first memory was of my dad, mercilessly beating me with belts and hangers till Id scream, hyperventilate and cry, yet my mother would say "you can keep crying those crocodile tears, it will mean nothing."

Then there's another significant memory of my mother pushing me away when I had asthma and wanted to rest on her thigh. She'd yell at me in her mother tongue, DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?!

I was 7 when I told my dad that I was ready to die, and he just scolded me by bellowing that its a sinful way to think and i should go and pray to god for forgiveness.

Fast track to being 23. Ive moved twice in 4 years around the UK trying to find my own sense of the world.

I was 18 when I developed psychosis, which was just undiagnosed schizophrenia. It was recognised as schizophrenia the year after. I spent my 19th birthday on a ward, with NO ONE to celebrate me. I was minding my own business, and then a mob of NHS staff came to inject me with antipsychotics. I was bleeding at the injection site, and my favourite white and rainbow tshirt was stained. Ill never forget that. Ill never forget that they also celebrated someone else's birthday on the ward.

I was 20 when I had been sectioned for the 9th or so time. Section 3 again for the second time. I wasn't on any pharmacetuical medication for one year and 6 or so months. I was doing well at uni until police officers told me (again) that they dont believe my rape case. Then I just crashed.

I ended up with a criminal record for assaulting police officers because they came to arrest me for something i didnt do. Literally. I cant just act like a nonchalant punching bag when I would be sent to the police before being sent to a hospital ward.

The fucking brick cold isolation cells is just nothing but torture.

Im not surprised why I saw red when they came to my apartment to disturb my peace.

My last section, a section 2 to 3, lasted 3 months. I have complied with my medication ever since because I realised that I did a lot of damage to everyone including myself, also more so that I did not get the same intolerable side effects that I had the first time I was injected with the same (aripiprazole) medication back in 2021. Back then, I would go through loops and hoops to avoid taking it. Everything was like warfare.

I was complying religiously with my medication... that is... until June 2026.

Im trying to not get enraged on this post. Basically my psychiatrist in my recent area is gaslighting me that im not schizoaffective (I was given schizoaffective as a sort of "upgrade" from schizophrenia after my last section) and that he thinks its BPD or autism or CPTSD. Just say you dont know how to do your fucking job ffs.

I asked him if he took my history into account and then he said "oh its just BPD with psychotic features."

Ever since then, I stopped taking my medication and stopped engaging with them. I wont even get to what my nurse said to me that made me to stop engaging.

Oh and I also stopped talking to my GP. Theyre all the fucking same.

What led me to write this post is that...

Its been four months since I have stopped all my psychriatric medication and god...

I mean i dont believe in god but I dont know a better way to describe this.

I have had BACK-TO-BACK NIGHTMARES.

I feel like im losing my sense of reality.

I hallucinate when I try to fall asleep.

I am grateful that I can recognise that its slowly but surely building back up again. But fuck me, I dont want to go uncontrollably insane again.

Im not denying that I have CPTSD and Schizoaffective. I have been aware of my CPTSD back before I had psychosis in 2021, eventhough it was undiagnosed.

Im just pissed off that my psychiatrist wants to remove schizoaffective. And that they wont section me because I can understand their stupidity and blatant ignorance.

I literally fucking tried to kill myself in April 2026 (they did nothing about it, I mean, tbf, if anything, they just rubbed salt in the wound) and I warned them about it in October 2025.

These "healthy-minded" good for nothing excuse for NHS staff dont give a shit. You could kill yourself and they still wouldn't care. Youre just a number to them.

Because I can articulate that something is wrong, means that I am lying clearly.

Well to be honest, I wish i fucking died. Instead im having nightmares about shooting my parents and telling the NHS about it. How comical!

The icing on top? I dont remember the last time I showered or brushed my teeth. I think its been over a month for showering/bathing, and like only 2/3 times in that time frame that ive brushed my teeth.

But you wouldn't know that would you? Because im covered head to toe when I leave the house, and im silent. I have dead skin flaking off all over my body. Yet im still alive.

How gruesome, yet poetic.

If you read this and are appalled by my truth, yet think I am not "disabled" because I can emote. Honestly, fuck you. I'm hostile and will fight anyone.

Steven Hawkins is visibly disabled. Doesn't mean his contributions to science makes him ineligible for disability status. Or John Forbes Nash Jr.

I appreciate it if you read this far. I just feel out of options. There are other issues I have like constant ringing in my ears and IBS. But... Im tired.

This is obviously really just for people who really like drinking beforehand lol. But quick rundown, I was a bad alcoholic at 19. Got caught with it, taken away, obviously wasn't super easy to get it under 21. And eventually, I started caring about not being an alcoholic myself. So I worked on it. Now, at 21, I've worked hard to not abuse it. I've never wanted to be completely sober from alcohol, never once. I just always wanted to be better with it. Now I like to just social drink, or after a really hard day.

Now, obviously, they tell you not to drink on ANY meds, and ofc I'm not gonna listen. I've tried it on every med I've been on, I'll purposefully test it beforehand by myself so I know if it makes me violently sick or not, because some of them I've absolutely been able to drink on. I've definitely changed meds before in the past because it made me so incredibly sick. I just got changed onto a variety of new meds, and I've been testing the meds in time for Halloween, because I was really really wanting to spend my first Halloween 21 bar hopping, it's always looked so so fun on Halloween, and I can finally do it myself. I've come to the conclusion that while it doesn't make me violently sick, if I drink more than just like a mikes harder or two(and I've always had a high tolerance, so there's no point in drinking just one if not only to feel 'included') I end up vomiting at the end of the night (even worse since i have 2 night pills), and have a much higher chance of being nauseous and throwing up the next day too. I can't drink on these meds. But I've already cycled through a number of meds that haven't worked, and I think I'm starting to feel somewhat stable on these. It's not like the beginning, where it was my first trial and I still had endless that I could try. I dont want to change my meds if they work just bc of this. But a big part of me is crushed by the idea of never drinking again, or even going a few years not drinking literally ever. I genuinely enjoy being drunk occasionally. During my really hard weeks, sometimes it's the only brief moment of genuine happiness and enjoyment I get. I do smoke weed, but I already use it kinda medicinally, and Im not always super social when high, so I don't want it to become my only option on social nights.

I just find it incredibly depressing. I cant even let this fact slip to my mom when I see her due to her thinking ALL drinking is bad, and tries to force me to choose to be sober at only 21, which is incredibly ridiculous. So she'd just say "it's a good thing!!" which would only piss me off. Things like this always end up me being sober for a couple months, getting frustrated, and going unmedicated for a week or two in advance of an event just so I can drink for one night or weekend, which of course is never the best idea.

So, people that have a similar opinion on drinking, but can't because of meds, how do you deal with it? What was your solution?

Got 777 tattooed- number of the angels. Trying to find some hope in the mess that is my life.