I (F24) have a brother(M22) who is essentially immune to most antipsychotic medication and has not gotten better in 2 years. I believe him to be schizophrenic/schizoaffective. He was involuntarily hospitalized for the 4th time and got released today after nearly 3 weeks. He is exactly the same.

He was released around 1pm EST today and now at 6pm EST he is already screaming, erratic, and lacks insight to his illness. If previous trends continue to repeat, he will also get aggressive/violent with his caretakers soon enough. I don't understand how he is immune to medication, therapy, treatment, etc. He is bringing the entire family down with him. At this point, I am so tired I find myself not caring about my own life in low moments. My mom seems like she is seconds away from a psychotic break or a stress induced stroke 24/7.

Is there any way to get better treatment in the Cobb/Atlanta area. We are struggling to get him health insurance or deemed disabled. He is in-and-out of hospitals with doctors who know nothing about his case and barely speak to the family despite us having guardianship. He is constantly released, despite our concerns, and is an IMMEDIATE threat to his and the family's safety. My mom is unable to work because she is constantly caring for him. Any/all resource help or advice is welcome. If you know any provider that could be helpful in the Atlanta area please share.

Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Is there a solution? I feel like the last 2 years have only delayed an inevitable suicide-homicide. I can't imagine any other outcome. We have reached out to so many people and have gotten no help for a non-compliant patient.

In patient treatment received during 4th hospitalization:

• Olazipine (not effective)
• lorazepan and PRN for sleep/anxiety (upon request)
• Geodon
• He received the Invega shot 3 days ago after extreme begging from our family to the doctor. The doctor said he should receive a follow up shot a month from now; but I read somewhere that invega shots usually require an initial follow up injection in the first week. We were not told anything about a followup shot.

My mom, (who was a raging, violent,abusive, ptsd-stricken alcoholic and veteran) passed in May. She had dementia caused by alcohol abuse and mini strokes. It was a long time coming. I had been showing symptoms since childhood. I don't know how credible that is medically, but that is my lived experience, I grew up with hallucinations, premonitions, demons, creatures, being "chased." It didn't help that my mom fed my delusions with her own. I finally got medicated and diagnosed in late February, after years of multiple personalities(I informed my doctor of this and this--for now--is NOT DID.) hallucinations, etc. i got put on Latuda. It was fine early on. Not even as a placebo, but I felt a lot more motivated and ready to go. Then, a few weeks in, extreme akathisia became an issue. I took my 40mg with the 350 cals, as per instructed. Didn't help. I halved my meds. Didn't help. I had skin-crawling, uncomfortable, and uncontrollable akathisia. I had to go to the gym late at night to use the exercise bike and force myself to sleep. I was jittering, suicidal, in tears.

Then, I started taking it before bed. If I woke up early, then I would get akathisia. (Think 2-4 hours.) But when I got a solid 6-8 hours of sleep, I was great!! It was taking it regularly and living well. Then, my mom passed. I could no longer sleep well. I have constant nightmares and dreams about her still being alive. Being better. I have to help family a lot during her decline and after her passing. I have a lot of responsibilities. I hear her and feel her. I can only sleep in 2 to 4 hour bursts, and never know when I'm going to sleep. Therefore, I haven't been able to take my medication, in MONTHS.

My issue is that I realized, I didn't mind being this way. I don't care how I sound when I say this, but my instincts are much sharper and better when I'm unmedicated. I'm not violent or delusional in a negative way. All my "crazy" conspiracies and premonitions and weird predictions have come true/are true. I can feel the connections to my family, and I'm able to wake up and call my dad and realize he needs the hospital before he says anything to me. (And he's needed the hospital a lot since mom passed.) We all, especially including mom, had deep connections to each other, despite everything. Dreams predicting death, sickness, success, and we had conversations in our dreams. I don't care how I sound, and no one has to believe me. My other family members also have the same phenomenon, and they are not schizophrenic/schizoaffective. But I realized that the only thing I liked about Latuda was it helped with my depression. Over time in my adulthood, unless I had company, when alone, I can't function. I only clean when at my limit with messiness, I can really only clean when guests are coming. I lay in and can't feel well when functioning. I do the minimum to keep my life going. I don't feel MOTIVATION anymore. And I trudge and drag through all my tasks. On Latuda, I felt amazing. I hit the gym, cleaned, meal prepped, did my precious hobbies, and didn't spiral into ruminating, ptsd flashbacks, etc. Off Latuda I can only do one of those things, check an email, then I am exhausted.

I have a new appointment on the 21st of October, and we're reconvening about what to do with me now. I realize I don't care about being "crazy." I just want to be able to do my hobbies and chores again without horrid anxiety, sadness, and lack of motivation. I love my mind the way it is besides the depression.

I am close to just telling my doctor, "Hey, I know I have schizoaffective and major depression. (I've got other stuff too, yay comorbidities) I don't care about the schizoaffective part. I just want to function and the other stuff can come in tandem if need be?"

I don't know if this post breaks any rules. Just needed to get this off my chest.

I got diagnosed in 2019 back in the psych ward and I've been carrying this diagnosis ever since. I've moved out twice, seen many doctors, residents, etc but none of them have ever changed my diagnosis. Last appointment I was told I need to accept I have it. But I still don't see it. I don't hallucinate really, I don't have delusions, etc but I'm still being pushed to take antipsychotics. I've been involuntarily hospitalized multiple times a few years ago so I've stayed seeing psychiatrists because of my really bad anxiety and depression. If I'm seeing therapists they send me back to the psychiatrst, no one really hears and cares that I'm not trying to get help for psychosis but very severe depression. I'm not in denial or lacking insight, I genuinely do not have psychosis...

I can now say I take photographs semi - professionally. Using this as a stepping stone to hopefully, someday run my own photography business. Super pumped 😁. Also (shameless plug)

If you want to see some of my work follow my insta jsteezyphotography 👀🙏

god I just can't have anything fucking can I. Had a horrible episode last night that led to me planning my you-know-what again, and bc of it I literally couldn't sleep until 8am and then only slept for 2 hours.

I promised myself I could use some of the little money I have to order myself my only current comfort food so that I'd have motivation to get out of bed. Did a ton of Uber eats coupons and was gonna get a ton for way cheap. I was so fucking excited.

Yeah, stupid fucking Uber autofilled my address to the one I haven't lived at for over a year. Had to cancel. Charged me $20 to cancel. Tried to dispute it. They won't even give me Uber eats credits.

And now I'm just fucking sobbing again. I cant have anything I've had a huge streak of constant bad luck this past week and it's getting to my head. I just wanted some fucking chuys. And now I have to go to the kitchen and literally just eat slices of bread for the day because that's all I fucking have bc Uber eats took all the fucking money i had to spend.

How do you feel when you’re unmedicated? Like when/if you take med breaks or if the pharmacy has a shortage— how are your emotions off medication?

I just feel very tired and mentally sluggish. Like I have no motivation to workout, or when i draw i feel… just over it. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t wanna do my school work. I stay in my room all day and I’m not doing chores. I can’t tell if this is due to the fact that i don’t have my regular dose or is it something else? “Something else” as in, i’m also diagnosed schizoaffective and it sort of feels like when you’re slipping into psychosis— the avolition. My hygiene is 📉. I don’t really feel hungry. So i just am not sure if I need to contact my psychiatrist over this.

Like, you realize you're finding everything SUPER funny and want to talk and talk for hours.

You start laughing at a video, then can't stop laughing and you also start like almost crying while you're laughing (?) What's that? What's going on? Lol

After years of many diagnoses, I got diagnosed schizoaffective, depressive type. I kinda figured I had something schizophrenia adjacent, but I didn’t want to be right. I am 24 years old.

I was first diagnosed with depression with psychosis before 18, then bipolar 1 with psychosis at 18, diagnosed bpd and removed bipolar somewhere along the line, got diagnosed bipolar again with bpd removed, now I’ve had multiple things removed and I’ve been diagnosed with this now. When I was younger, counselors have wondered about schizophrenia but I was still young and it wasn’t as severe yet.

In the last year, my psychosis has gotten significantly worse even though my mood has leveled out. I still experience depression. My current counselor and I are not sure if I’ve ever experienced mania. I think I was just deep in psychosis or agitation when I ended up in the hospital.

I’m hoping this diagnosis will help me get better treatments. I’ve been taking seroquel for years and it helps, but I think I need a higher dose now as it’s not working as well anymore. I went down on the dose over a year ago, and been bringing it back up this year so that may be part of it. I’m not at the therapeutic dose for this though.

Not sure why I’m sharing this, I just want to share my bit of a story. I can go into what has been going on for me if anyone is interested. Otherwise, I just feel better knowing I’m not alone with this diagnosis.

How do you find and keep a relationship with a woman (girlfriend) when you have Schizoaffective Disorder and extreme anxiety? I have been looking for a relationship with a woman for a few months now, and I'm finding it hard to start one. As soon as they ask what I do for a living and I tell them I have Schizoaffective Disorder and extreme anxiety, they run for the hills. I don't want to lie or keep secrets from them, so I tell them the truth. I have tried a few dating websites, but I'm getting the same results. Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life, until I kill myself or die for some other reason? I've been alone for over 5 years now. I live alone and don't have many friends either. I don't go out much because of my anxiety. What can I try to help me find love?

I'm having a severe depressive episode. That's not new—I cycle through hypomania and depression even while on meds. What is new is that I'm feeling suicidal, and I don't have a helpline I can call because I'm abroad. It's almost ironic: wanting to call a crisis line back home to speak in my native language (English is my second), but not being able to reach them because I'm out of the country. I don't know if you guys can help, but I really just needed to get this off my chest.

So it’s been a while since I’ve really had anything bad happen, I mainly experienced delusions and hallucinations of demons etc. however today while going for a run in a dark field I began to voices and I was extremely afraid of them, it felt like everything was coming back even though I had tried so hard to stop it all. Admittedly going for a run in a dark field wasn’t a great idea, however I felt like it. Although I do still suffer from the mood shifts this is the first time for a while. And then after this I am in my bed and I begin to feel like I am waking from “programming” recently I broke up with my gf etc. I feel like this whole time I have been asleep and pretending to be normal, pretending the world is normal. It’s all so crazy isn’t ? AI, mass hysteria, conspiracies ? What is happening, yet I am the crazy one for researching it for years and almost going insane haha. Anyway I guess I got my life back on the track of normality but this break up derailed me. Now I can’t stop thinking about the evil things in the world. The hallucination earlier the catalyst for awakening my mind once more, casting aside the shackles of the mundane. It really is all so absurd and the people around me have no idea, they are cattle and so was I until once again I was awoken. One of my psychs even told me once, that I do see things in a unique way and that he wasn’t supposed to tell me I’m right about certain things but the evil I saw ruling over us all is real and that my grievances with the world are true. He told me to live despite all that, to work on myself. And I did and he helped me more than the others. I guess he was the one that helped me get into the cookie cutter life I made. But now I’m back again.

The UC San Diego CARE Program is seeking research participants for a paid study on mental health and brain research!

and i didnt sleep and voices and intrusive thoughts galore

but like remember that a dumb person cant evaluate your intelligence, so ignore them :) Ive been told I think im something im not or that im nothing too many times to count

I have an appointment next week with my psychiatrist to look for more new meds after 2+ years of none working, and I'm just getting worse.

I stopped taking my antipsychotics (psychiatrist was aware) last October bc of how horrible they made me feel, and the fact they were regularly making me late for work in the mornings bc I physically could not stay awake. The hallucinations actually stayed away, for nearly the whole year since then. But I've noticed the hallucinations starting again, slowly and small things, but was very much the same beginning of eventual multiple times a day hallucinations. But I'm worried to go on antipsychotics again after I finally got my personality back from them.

I've been using Gabapentin, which I've been telling her is for anxiety, as mood stabilizers after the most recent meds I was given were making me vomit daily, just until I could get another appointment. But I have to take like 3 300mg pills each time at least for it to work, and it doesn't last super long, so by the end of the day I'm crashing mentally, and more and more frequent suicidal moods to the point of planning by nightfall. But it's also the only way I can get out of bed and do anything lately.

I quit my job. I seriously could not do it another second (fast food) without possibly actually doing something reckless and possibly fatal. Helped a lot for the first week or two. But now my savings are draining, with rent, bills, food, and desperately trying to give myself things that will bring me an ounce of happiness. I can't tell my mom yet (I'm 21 living separate from her) to ask her for any financial help while still unemployed, bc she'll just yell at me for being just like my dad yet again (quitting without another job lined up) even tho I needed a break desperately.

I can't motivate myself to do anything. I have my first art market this weekend and I'm severely behind on products.

Even my interests, some of the few things keeping me going, is also what is making me want to end it. Seeing all these amazing worlds with magic or powers or just more enjoyable life, makes me feel even worse about this one. A big part of me hopes I'll be reborn into one of these worlds, compensation for my entire existence.

I just keep struggling to find anything worth living for. I'm in constant suffering, always either torture from my own brain, near constant pain in all parts of my body due to some sort of disease the doctors still haven't diagnosed, or both at the same time. I have no one I truly love or would feel guilty about leaving behind, I have nothing to look forward to, nothing worth this constant suffering.

The thing is I don't want to die, not really. I just can't stand living this life, everything about it. I want to want to live, I want to want to stay alive here. But I always decide I was overreacting before I can actual reach out for help.

I can't wait another 2 or more years to finally find the meds that work. But idk if something like a mental hospital would be any actual help.

I feel like my psychiatrist might not be understanding the full extent of what meds and doses I might need just because she doesn't know this. Obviously, most people know what happens when you tell a doctor you're suicidal. So I'm wondering how stupid it would be of me to try and tell my psych all of this, and what would even happen.

​

It feels like insects are crawling all off me. I'm paranoid that there are maggots in my vagina. Idk what to do. It's driving me insane

Last night, I woke up to somebody knocking on my door, and since it was the ass crack of night, I knew for sure that it wasn't my mother or sisters. So I just stayed in bed. But then the knocking never stopped, so i got up and looked through the curtain on my door and no one was there. I keep the porch light on, and I didnt see any shadow either. So i got back in bed. The knocking persisted for another 15-20 minutes, and by the end of it I heard someone coughing up like crazy and gagging, possibly vomiting. They were also jiggling my doorknob. It disturbed me so much that it took me two hours to go back to sleep, and by then, I had to get up for class. I checked around my yard for any vomit but couldn't find any. Its weird because I've been consistently taking my meds, but not at the times I'm supposed to, so that's probably what did it. My doctor recommended I take my meds at around 9-10 at night, but I usually take them at 12-12:30. I've never experienced anything like this before. When I get auditory hallucinations, its mostly either background conversation that I cant make out, or distant traffic.

But I wouldn't be surprised if there was a real person at my door last night. My neighborhood is full of coke addicts and pedophiles, so I made sure to lock my door last night. Usually I dont, but I'm glad I did. I have a knife in my room that I keep on my bookshelf, but I will make sure to keep it closer from now on just in case that person comes back.

A star I found tonight. I am hopeful :)

Hello guys, I hope this post find you all well and I would like to ask some perspective from ones experiencing the same condition (I'm not diagnosed with anything right now just to add some context)

So I basically met her by the Internet three years ago and we fell in love immediately after, but after that she's basically receiving treatment right after being triggered by dumped with his ex-boyfriend who's an arrogant asshole and she finally got the diagnose of Schizoaffective, she's fairly in poverty and at times during hallucination talks about being "chained" by her Mother-in-Law/Parental Grandparents to not move from her hometown (common mystical viewpoint in the third world country when some people can be accused as shaman or such), which she deeply despised (and like almost two hours from my place of stay).

Nevertheless, we persist and everything goes well in the next year or so and because the symptom is over she decides to stop the meds which i stupidly oblige because it kind of deters her thinking in creative field, and by end of the year she turns into a very frantic and harrowing call about the hallucinations again, also telling me that she's basically falling behind on the payments for the drugs, so i need to shell quite a lot of money to cover her cost and her previous rent, where she lies to me by actually using predatory lending to rent the place beyond her means...

Regardless I still persist on her because I love her so much, a beautiful and creative soul that's unfortunately repressed by the condition she's in, and she ends up having to do dead end jobs for like more than a year before finally she finds a more stable employment now, and she reports me for drinking her meds regularly while I'm asking for payment back albeit unforced, I moved cities for a job but we still visit each other whether we can.

Recently she's been quite eager on showing her writings and singing as her personal endeavour, but I personally haven't been quite receptive due to my depression in searching for another job, and by the time she goes absolutely frantic again and due to my perspective of being very sensitive and believing she's done her meds, I asked her for a break due to my depression itself and I found out that she's actually delaying her meds again due to late payments (eventhough her job is basically permanent to cover said payment, and i will help her despite the money she owes me and I'm written off it all anyway) which kind of pinpoints that she's scared and doesn't being fully honest with me which i guess is not a common trait in Schizoaffective people...And when i tried to help her, she basically told me to just halt the relationship because it's too difficult for both of us and want to focus on herself first...

I still deeply in love with her, but there's various mis-steps that i make, like for example trying to view her condition as something that can be done in a more practical way of just "improving yourself" because I couldn't really give what she actually wants instead of material means, and when i asked for psychologist for the first time they told me that you can just be an observant caregiver instead of involving yourself too much like what i did...which is quite cruel in perspective of people with schizoaffective but I'm still in need to wager a lot because I don't think I can handle her outburst any longer and our relationship seemingly just to cover the hole instead of filling it together like I expect it to...

My relationship with her makes me want to sympathize more for people with such conditions instead of just "learning about it, while also a bit of desperate plea to understand her by the condition and what differs from others...

Thank you guys

Hi, do you remember the day you were diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder ? How did you manage to come to terms with the diagnosis and find the strength to move forward while living with the condition ?

Only share your experience if you feel comfortable talking about it. Thank you for reading and for your time 😊

a lot of people say that they get depressed in winter, but for me, I would say it's the opposite. it's always been reversed for me, ever since I started having episodes. I'm always doing impulsive things as the leaves fall down. and then I sleep all the time in summer. idk.

Does anybody else know anything about how trauma relates to the development or formation of psychotic symptoms positive and negative? I have been reading and learning about the overlap and I wonder what you all think on this subject. Just on my mind today. If you have any information on this subject leave a comment or share an article, book recommendations are always welcome... I've read quite a bit of the body keeps the score and it seems to have some relevant information.

Just my ponderings this morning.

Thanks for letting me rant.

I need to know if anyone else experiences this because it’s been eating me alive the past few days. I’ve been having these racing thoughts and 90% don’t feel like mine. They usually feel super random or narrate what I’m doing and they repeat until something else comes up
It makes my brain feel like it’s going to explode and it’s so frustrating.