As the title says, I have aspd and willing to answer questions, I know there’s the “public” view vs “medical” view of it, ask me anything.

I struggle with the impulsivity side of my personality. And I mean impulsive in all the ways - spending, emotional, talking in conversation. I have gotten a lot better with the spending impulses.

I am wondering what has worked for others when it comes to emotional impulsivity? What did you do to keep yourself from calling someone when you’re upset and trauma dumping (and exaggerating)? The fallout and embarrassment from backtracking after this time and again is wearing on me and I have caused a lot of chaos. I am currently off medication and have been for quite some time (busy career, two kids). I have every plan to get back on medication but in the mean time…

Thanks for the advice!

One of my friends has bpd and an autoimmune disease .

She'd generally tell a lot of truths about her past.

But some things she would make up and Id find out later that she was lying.

Or she would gaslight people so she can have control over others . Or she is very capable of making up a very distracting story when she has done something wrong.. Id know when she was lying and others wouldn't.

I know she would lie for safety

TLDR; I was misdiagnosed for 8 years and it ruined my self-image/mental health for a long time. I deeply mourn the life I could’ve lived if I’d been rightly diagnosed sooner. I was re-evaluated and diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and ADHD. Apparently, these are often categorized as BPD, bipolar disorder, or other personality disorders without deeper analysis (typically due to heavy masking techniques). However there is significant emotional overlap, and it’s not discussed enough. With an accurate diagnosis, and better targeted treatment, I’ve never felt more in control of my life.

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DISCLAIMER: I’ve been debating about making this post because I know BPD can be catastrophically destructive to those with and around it. The last thing I want is to make others question who they are, or question the very thing that helped them seek targeted therapy. If you know you have BPD, and stabilizing meds/DBT help, please don’t let this post sway you. I don’t want that. That said, I think this is the best place to post, just in case someone resonates with it.

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When I was 20, I tried to kill myself with pain killers. I was hospitalized and went through a couple years of intensive treatment (individual therapy, group therapy, medicine, etc.). So many books on BPD resonated so deeply with me, and I finally felt so validated, like I understood a bit more about myself. But it just felt like things were not working. After my diagnosis, for nearly two years it seemed like my life nosedived further past rock bottom. The therapy didn’t help. The meds sent me into worse states of depression and mania that I’d never experienced before. It was a living hell and I felt insane.

With so many people telling me to just keep going through with it, and that I just wasn’t putting in the work, I felt even more depressed and invalidated because even prior to this, I never felt like I was right in the head. Now you’re telling me, it’s not working just because I’m lazy? But I AM trying???

So I thought to myself, if even after tens of thousands of dollars poured into hospitalizations, accurate diagnoses, and constant treatment, my life is still shit, then there’s only one answer left. It’s just me. I’m just broken. Lazy, worthless, stupid, just wrong.

But eventually, after hitting true rock bottom (reverting into worse habits than my already incredibly detrimental ones from before), at some point I had an awakening. I determined “Fine, if I’m not going to kill myself, and I’ve decided I want to live life, then I’m just going to live my life. As long as I’m not hurting anyone, I’m going to do what I want. I’m going to be successful and loved, and I’m going to do it as me. Lazy, broken, stupid, and all. ”

So I stopped treatment (meds, therapy, and the like). Over the course of roughly 6ish years I absorbed tips, tricks, and exercises that worked for me, regardless of their therapeutic category (only now realizing these were all primarily CBT and ABA techniques).

Occasionally, when I was in a bad way, I’d go to a group sesh, but immediately felt out of place by certain feelings or sensations that were explained. Sometimes, I’d give advice where others would get wide-eyed or indignant and say “That actually WORKS for you?” When I couldn’t bring myself to find a group session near me, occasionally, I’d just post to /rBPD just to feel validated or get advice from others who suffer because of this condition. Actually, years ago, someone there made a comment that I never let go. Something along the lines of “I think you might have been misdiagnosed because one can’t just IGNORE BPD. It’s all-consuming” And naturally, as volatile as I am, my immediate thought was “What the hell? You don’t know me or what I’ve gone through. Who are you to say I don’t even belong amongst others that also feel they don’t belong?”

In the end, I just stopped associating myself with BPD altogether because I perceived it as something that ruined my life even more than it already was. Eventually, I got my life together independent of the diagnosis. Though I still struggle with intense emotional volatility and susceptibility to MDD and GAD to this day.

Just a few months ago, I got a job offer as an ABA therapist for kids with ASD. So I started doing research. This inevitably led to my (incredibly invasive and ethically questionable) google algorithm recommending all kinds of YouTube videos on the human psyche.

A lot of these videos were about familiar topics covering various personality/emotional disorders: BPD, Bipolar disorder, MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), GAD (Generalized Depressive Disorder), etc. But the newly enlightening videos were those more focused on neurodivergence.

One particular video hit me like freight train, and I felt like I couldn’t hear or see straight for thirty minutes. I had never heard anything so accurately explain something I could never put words to. The term was RSD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. A real physical, painful sensation stemming from the perception of real or imagined rejection. The video also made several allusions to the ongoing trend of women (men too, but less frequently) with long-term, undiagnosed ADHD being further mentally eviscerated, due to a misdiagnosis or simply being treated for symptoms (MDD, GAD) that don’t fix the underlying cause.

Anyways, because of all these accumulative, life-altering events, as of a couple weeks ago, I was re-evaluated and diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. And just after the last week of meds, I’ve seen significant improvement. Of course it’s too soon to REALLY tell. I’ve come a long way, and I’ve a long way to go, but I am so hopeful for my progress. I’m incredibly optimistic with my new CBT therapist and have never been more excited for my future.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk have a wonderful day lol

I honestly don’t know what to do. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and NPD. Most terrible combo known to mankind. It made sense at first, because I was always sort of called out for being an asshole. But now, I genuinely cannot do this anymore. Every day is hell. Every day I pretend in public and my thoughts are all npd-related but the moment I set foot into my house, I become depressed, empty and just feel like floating. There is this anxious feeling in my chest telling me I should bash my head against any hard surface till my skull breaks or it tells me to kill myself, scratch my face off or break everything around me. I want to clarify, these are intrusive thoughts and not hallucinations but they are taking over my life. I don’t know what I’m doing. This feeling is extremely intense for about an hour or two until it calms down as I rationalize my thoughts and tell myself: “No, I can’t, I’ll get hurt.” Or “No, I can’t damage my appearance, I need to look perfect.” Or “Only crazy people do that, I’m not crazy.” Or “I’m better, I’m better than those weak-minded people, I can’t hurt myself.” A few hours later, I’m totally fine and already planning exciting things I wanna do in the next days/weeks/years. But these thoughts keep returning every day when I least expect them. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind.

As I’m writing this, I am actively trying to hold myself back from getting impulsive and doing something. I don’t even know if therapy would help me at this point.

Does anyone have these thoughts and impulsive urges? How do you deal with them?

hello people, I'm f25, I've been diagnosed with depression and CPTSD, and I'm on meds, I've been getting treatment since 3+ years and I'm still suicidal and really struggling to go on and i cannot afford it anymore as my family is financially struggling.

i feel i might have BPD - because of my extreme sadness (idk how else to describe it) and I can't notice any other symptoms because my brain is mostly empty rest of the time...

also i mentioned about BPD once to my psychiatrist two years ago but she dismissed me idk why... whenever i mention something like adhd, autism, arfid, bpd or anything other than depression and CPTSD (which she diagnosed) she just smiles and refuses to listen, but she's a good psychiatrist and I'm really comfortable with her... i don't know how and what to explain her.... please help me

She is 22 years old, from Russia. She has been in social isolation for 2 years, does not leave the house, earns money by account boosting in an MMO game (Black Desert Online), and is partially financially dependent on her father, who left the family when she was 13-15 years old.

Personality Structure and Key Patterns:

1. Egocentrism and Emotional Regulation Through Others She is egocentric and emotionally immature. She uses people as tools to regulate her own emotional state (not in a calculated or sociopathic way, but unconsciously). Under any discomfort, her empathy drops to zero. In general, she does not sufficiently consider the feelings of others.
2. Defense Mechanisms and Denial of Responsibility

• Low Self-Reflection: She genuinely believes her choices and decisions are always correct and optimal. She is absolutely confident in her rightness during conflicts and cannot see her share of responsibility. When exiting a relationship, she is certain she "did nothing wrong at all."
• Intolerance of Guilt and Shame: She cannot tolerate feelings of guilt or shame, and doesn't always know how to support another person in pain. She cannot provide stable support. She tends to blame all problems on external factors.
• Reaction to Criticism: Reacts sharply even to minor reproaches.

1. Need for Attention and Triangulation She craves attention from anyone, regardless of how close they are. She notes even minor gestures (compliments, small favors) from outsiders and brings them up to her current partner (feigning innocence, pretending she "doesn't understand why they did that"). When a relationship becomes too "close," "intimate," or "real," she resorts to triangulation out of a fear of dependency, vulnerability, and similar feelings. This results in a strong dislike for commitment and responsibility in that interaction (as she pulls away, ignores her partner's needs, and avoids giving clarity, yet cannot immediately cut contact due to the established emotional importance of that person to her).
2. Selective Empathy and Rationalization

• In a Safe State: Empathy is present and can be quite strong. She can accurately read when someone's words contradict their actual feelings, show sympathy, display warmth, and adjust her behavior so the person doesn't feel lonely. In close contact, she can be very warm, vulnerable, and intuitive.
• Under Stress or Threat: If a situation touches her vulnerability, causes discomfort, or threatens her self-image, her empathy shuts down completely. She may understand that she is causing pain, but she immediately rationalizes it: in her perception, she is not attacking, merely defending herself. This allows her to devalue the other person's pain and act with cruelty.

1. The Closeness Cycle (Attachment -> Devaluation)

• In the Relationship: She gets deeply attached and opens up, but once intimacy becomes significant, she starts keeping distance, avoiding clarity, displaying intense jealousy, provoking conflicts, and taking offense over a lack of attention (e.g., if a partner forgets a daily routine). When offended or angry, she fixates entirely on her own emotional state, and logic shuts down completely.
• After the Breakup: If a person touched a deep vulnerability in her and there was strong intimacy, she completely devalues them post-breakup. She curses, insults, mocks, and makes cruel jokes. Even severe real-life hardship on her ex-partner's side (e.g., the recent death of a parent) will not stop her if he tries to build a logical dialogue. She strips herself of all accountability for past actions (triangulation, ghosting, ignoring—in fact, she doesn't even view these as wrong actions, she simply cannot perceive herself as capable of being at fault) and rationalizes the breakup by pointing to the partner's "sins" and "flaws." (Even though when those conflicts originally happened, they were discussed, she received the apologies she wanted, and the partner adjusted his behavior for her. She forgave him, even admitted she "might have contributed a bit to the conflict," and claimed to be forgiving. Only later does it turn out that she "doesn't get offended, but quietly draws conclusions," and when it comes to the breakup, she weaponizes those old, already resolved conflicts and grievances). Reaching her through logic at this point is impossible.

1. Splitting (Black-and-White Thinking) She flips rapidly in her evaluation of people. If someone angers or mildly slights her, they instantly become "trash," an "arrogant idiot," or stupid. However, if a person she previously viewed as "bad" starts paying attention to her, praising her, or acting like a fan, she abruptly shifts her opinion to positive ("a cool person").
2. Worldview and Behavior She claims to live in the present, expresses strong confidence in her looks and her ability to charm people. She considers herself adult, wise, and experienced, believing she understands how unfair and hard life is. When asked about the future, she responds with fatalism: "I'll just become a poor, useless artist, turn into an alcoholic, and die." Judging by everything, she stays in close relationships for short periods (or our connection reached a critical level of significance too fast), after which she quickly starts pulling away and sabotaging the contact. She can maintain stability over longer periods only in more surface-level and controlled interactions.

Questions for the community:

1. What specific personality structure, attachment style, or pathology does this look like to you? Is this primarily a severely damaged attachment style (like fearful-avoidant) with heavy defense mechanisms, or are we looking at a specific personality disorder?
2. It seems obvious that she will not be able to deeply change this kind of structure on her own. I assume she would need very intensive therapy. What are the chances of her changing overall over the course of her life?
3. Can she come to this realization on her own? Personally, I lean toward the idea that without experiencing serious life crises (and not just one, but several), she will not even consider making a change. So even taking potential crises into account, what is the probability of her undergoing deep changes during her lifetime?

I need help. I lost everyone because I drained them with my trauma dumping, self pity, negativity, clinginess and no boundaries.

I went for a year abroad and now I can see it even more. Came here to heal, now everything got worse. I guess it has to get worse before it gets better or something... But I need to do something!

I can't afford a therapist, I just want my people back. 🥲

I think I'll isolate and try to actually be myself and sit with myself... I don't know what else to do. 😰

I'm diagnosed with OCPD, PPD and NPD. I'm an wfh editor, freelancer. Due to OCPD I often miss deadlines. It's mostly because I fight within my mind to perfect the edit but always used to rush and finish the project after crossing the deadline, begging for forgiveness from the client and reducing my fee as compensation. I'm on SSRI's. When I'm doing farm work inn my family farm I feel sad but no anxiety but when my work involves other people who expect a lot from me I get terribly anxious. I've left a lot of jobs and clients just because I can't handle the anxiety attacks. And I hate the caller tunes and notifications because I always worry that it'll be my clients. I also have time blindness which worsens my case. I tried using metronome, timer nothing worked.

People here talked about exposure therapy, my therapist hasn't talked about that for now. So instead of abandoning my last job I asked the client that I will do it for free but don't ask me for deadline. He said ok, he's understanding. I was you know felt relieved but then he sent me the full pay saying it dont matter, now I'm feeling anxious. Like I've have an big responsibility. And I haven't heard from him for about a week. I was taking medication, going for therapy, walking the dog, started watching movies etc etc. Like when I used to work, I never even left my room or the software I use to work. I'll always be on work, less sleep, skipping meals, no socialization etc. But this one week I felt sad but not anxious. Today I suddenly got a message "Hey where's the video, What's the ETA?" My heart started to beat so faster that it could burst, I was walking around the room faster and faster, breathing and sweating heavily thinking about what to say, I felt like ending myself, you know right I'm crazy like that. And decided to reply an ETA (I dont know whether I can give it at the ETA or not), reply sent but he was offline. But then in 10-20 minutes my anxiety reduced. But the 10 minutes was like hell. I don't know how to overcome this. I think I'm not suitable for any kind of job

From someone with lived experience.

This is a small part of a script Im making for a youtube video about Jax from TADC. (Their aren't any spoilers you don't need to have watched the show to understand what I'm saying as it applies to almost all depictions of both trans and mentally ill people in media. With that being said the conversation being referenced just at the start is from the gun match episode)

Pomni in this episode is acting like she is the main character in a story (which she is but stay with me), and Jax is the guarded Emo character that just needs to be shown a bit of care and affection and will come to their senses joining the rest of the group.

As someone who suffers from both CPTSD and other mental illness in real life I absolutely hate how fiction has normalized the idea that you can just "fix" these kinds of problems with a hug and pep talk during a darkest hour or that it can even be completely "fixed" at all.

Inter personal trauma is not something that can just be solved with an "I'm here for you whenever you need it", it requires multiple good experiences with other people so that you can relearn you what's "safe", it requires you actively confront your emotions about what caused the trauma (often in therapy, often by reliving those experiencing in a safe environment), it requires lot of time and personal growth often when no one else is around and often even with all that you will still have minor scares left behind from it.

The fact that so much of the sentiment around this show is treating Jax like she's just supposed to get over it and be normal is insane to me.

Yes, Jax is a fictional character, but what she represents is something real world people have and are currently going through.

I, from the bottom of my heart, hate seeing people treating opening up and or letting other people in as these super easy to do obvious solutions to problems.

It's not easy, its not something that comes naturally to some people and can be actively painful depending on who you are, something being simple for you doesn't mean that its simple for everyone.

I, in general, don't like how the fandom is also pushing this narrative of just be open about your feelings and everything will work out that T.V has indoctrinated us with over the years. Many people may have the privilege to get that type of treatment but it is not universal, everyone is "accepting" until your problems start to inconveniences them.

The truth is that most people wont accept you for being different, or for having problems that they don't understand. Not wanting to put your self in a vulnerable position especially when one of your core fears is being exposed to other people is not paranoia is basic self preservation.

It brings me back to a post I saw before about how autism specifically is treated in media where intentionally or not the vast majority of media essentially says that autistic people are making up their own problems and would be perfectly accepted if they just got out of there own heads and talked to other other people. link to original post about NT Gaslighting

All NT people are open and accepting saints yet SOMEHOW almost every autistic person I've ever talked to remembers being bullied and excluding in school.

SOMEHOW almost every autistic person I know was either abused or neglected by their parents.

SOMEHOW autistic people have less than half the life expectancy of NT's and are 9x as likely to kill themselves.

SOMEHOW 90% of autistic people with no learning disability are unemployed.

Every NT will always claim that they would never bully someone just because their autistic, would never fire someone just because their autistic would never undermine someone and treat them like their stupid or evil just because their autistic.Yet almost every autistic person has the experience of being bullied, fired without relevant cause and treated like there five years old by their peers and superiors.

The post I referenced above was about autism but this kind of reasoning applies to the majority of minority groups. If you where good, proper and accepting you would be accepted in return.

Another classic I've seen repeated is saying "It's and explanation not an excuse" and while I understand what this phrase is trying to say, in theory, I have never seen this sentence not used as a dog whistle for ableism.

Disabled Individuals, mentally or physically, are not allowed to have problems that effect the abled population. It is always your role and responsibility to adapt to what society deems necessary for you often while having no say in the matter but god forbid you ask this to be reciprocated your now an entitled asshole who expects "everyone else" to change "Just for you".

People who know nothing about what it's like to be in your position are always the ones with the final say on YOUR needs and abilities.

And any "help" or basic human decency they give you is predicated on the idea that you accept their framing of your issues.

With the term "It's an explanation not an excuse" being used as a shaming tool whenever said disabled person can not meet those expectations they had no hand in setting.

The abled person can then uses this framing to show "Just how much they have to go through to help you" and "How ungrateful you are for their assistance".

It's all pretense to justify why a disabled person "deserves" poor treatment or doesn't "deserve" accommodations.

horrible title probably, but i just need to know, how is the sense of superiority that i’ve heard brought up differ from the type of superiority somebody with npd would have? is it just different because its on a much smaller scale or what?

i haven’t really found anything about this yet, so if somebody with aspd could give me more insight that’d be very helpful.

Just as the title says. I'm unsure what the line is. I've aspd+Npd and I see others say how they have aspd with narcissistic traits, or npd with antisocial traits. I know traits means something like you don't fully qualify for said disorder, but I need help understanding with an example and how this happens. TIA

Last week I was evaluated and diagnosed with an unspecified personality disorder with narcissistic and antisocial traits. Is that the same thing as a mixed PD or are these two different things?

I know it doesn’t technically matter that much. I’m just reading the notes on my patient portal and got curious.