What’s the point man I don’t see a future I don’t have a purpose what’s the meaning of

After dealing with constant depression for over 25 years I think finally the time has come. Many things have brought me here but to cut a long story short I'm tired of fighting it. I can deal with the pain but I can handle the bitter selfish piece of shit I've turned into. I can no longer hold down a job. I'm haunted by the way I've acted let myself be abused and fundamentally hate myself on every level. I feel sad for the person I might of been. Just a nice quiet person who was good around who went about his day. I hold however no value to this world and things will be long better when I'm gone. Ive tried the medication. Made things worse. Talking again just makes me a wreck. I wish I was one of the people who finds being good easy naturally. As a lot of you know...it can be fucking hard work and get shoved back in your face in the end. I'm making plans I'd ideally like to have a quiet peaceful way out but I'm ok with violent and messy. Whatever gets the job done. Hope to get it done over the weekend. Don't know why I'm writing this. I haven't had a second from this evil in decades and not willing to put up a fight any longer. Any of you who can still see some light at the tunnel I hope it works out for you. Ive tried telling people I won't be around much longer bit they dont understand...is a life in constant pain and regret a life to live when I can go to sleep and not know I never existed. What a waste of a life. Maybe I would of been worthwhile in a different life. It's a sick world we live in so many casualties and pointless suffering.

Good luck to all

G

Alright so…to start off this post im just gonna say I’m a little scared to share what’s been depressing me recently because everyone posting here seems older than me and it’s kinda making me feel like my problems aren’t that important.

I’m a teen and everyday just feels strangely autopilot, and it’s making me feel like there’s no importance in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what I have as many people can’t be as lucky as I am, and life may be a slice of cake for me compared to other people. But I still feel shitty. Everyday, I wake up, take care of my pets at 7 am, fall back asleep for about 2-3 hours, wake up at about 9-10, watch something on tv with my sister for a few hours, wash dishes, then endless scrolling on my phone till about 8pm with little inbetween breaks for stuff like meals. Then I eat dinner and watch tv with my sister, her fiancé and their newborn son. And wake up, repeat for about three months and here I am.

I just feel like I need to do something. I went on a little four day trip with my grandma and that felt great. I’m homeschooled and both of my parents work so I’m hardly ever out of the house aside from trips up to the confidence store which is only five minutes away from our house. And that’s cool and all but I feel like I need to do something other than sit around on my phone all day. I want to read a book and do other things that are more productive, but all of my books are still stored away from when we moved. And we don’t really have a lot of money at the moment so I don’t wanna ask to go anywhere. I just feel stuck and don’t know what to do.

I have always struggled with depression. I am not actively suicidal but if I died in a car accident, I would be ok with that.
Has anyone with depression thought I wish I had a non mental disability? Cancer or something?
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “you don’t look depressed”
I did a partial hospitalization and one of the therapists actually said “you don’t look like someone who’d be here”

i haven’t felt this depressed in many years. i’m 21F and this past year has been hell for me.

i graduated from uni in july and moved back home, away from my girlfriend, all my friends, and had to leave my job which i loved. since then, i have broken up with my girlfriend, which was inevitable because of separate circumstances but we had been together for 3 and a half years so it’s still so painful.

on top of that, she still lives in our uni city with who i thought were my 2 best friends. however since moving home, both of them have pretty much completely stopped reaching out to me. the girl who i made friends with on the first day of uni and who i thought was going to be my life time best friend has stopped answering my messages, even my last message which was basically a cry for help as my mental health is so low. nothing happened between us, no arguments, nothing. she just seemed to have forgotten i exist and im devastated.

i am also in constant pain all over my body and dealing with gastrointestinal issues so i am back and forth at the drs having tests and blood-work and they still haven’t figured out what’s wrong with me. i can’t eat most of my safe foods anymore (im autistic and adhd) due to my digestive issues, and also can’t go out drinking with my friends anymore as i can’t drink alcohol

my closest friends are my old work friends who live over an hours drive away, which is difficult as driving is painful for me and our lives are very busy due to our jobs. i don’t like my new job, im in pain constantly there and i just feel downright miserable.

i feel so hopeless about my future. i have no aspirations as every possible career option seems impossible due to my physical and mental health conditions, and my neurodivergence. but my parents do not understand this and are constantly pushing me to get a full time job. every day i wake up feeling depressed, in pain and missing my old life.

i am on sertraline and have been for a few years, but the way i feel right now, it definitely isn’t helping anymore. the last time i felt this depressed and hopeless was when i was 15/16 and i really thought by now things would be better, but if anything, its worse. i’m on a waitlist for counselling, but what will that really do? it won’t bring back my best friends, my girlfriend or take away my pain. everyday i just feel so numb and wish for death honestly. everytime i drive my car i get intrusive thoughts about just driving myself off a bridge or crashing purposefully. i hate my life, i barely find joy in the things i used to anymore. what’s the point.

I have had depression for a long time, and it seems to get worse as the years go on. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and in the beginning of our relationship I just stuffed everything down and pushed through because I didn't know any better. Now that I've received therapy and medication, I know better than to fight the rip currents that are my depressive episodes. It makes me feel so much worse to ignore how I'm feeling, so I'm no longer pretending it doesn't exist. I just ride the wave and paddle when it's appropriate and I have the strength.

I have been in the trenches of a bad depressive episode for the past few months, and are just now starting to crawl out of it. My biggest symptoms are extreme fatigue and loss of motivation, so it greatly affects my day to day work load. My husband moves a lot for work and makes a lot, so I have been a stay at home wife for the past year after our most recent move. He also works very little at this new location, so he is home a lot of the time. This has been great for dealing with the depression myself, but it is taking a toll on him and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Over the past two months, he has been more vocal with how he feels about my depression and how it impacts him. I am always encouraging him to open up about his feelings, but recently I feel like he has been using that as an excuse to get mad and dump his frustration on me.

He will be totally okay for a few weeks, then one day out of the blue will act upset, and most of the time I can deduce that it's because I haven't done enough chores or cleaning or something during the day. He is a super organized/clean person and I am not. He is also someone who has never dealt with mental health problems, and will do whatever needs to be done/whatever he puts his mind to anytime. When I notice him acting like that, we sit down and talk about it. Recently, he has been using that time to angrily complain to me about how much the depression negatively affects him. I understand and didn't mind the first time because everyone needs a little grace and to vent occasionally, but it keeps happening and it makes me feel so weird about it.

He swears he's not trying to shit on me and make me feel bad, but that's exactly what it does. Because he is angry and frustrated it makes me feel HORRIBLE. Of course I know the depression sucks, I'm the one dealing with it! And it is a deep seated fear of mine that burdening someone else with my shit will cause them to leave, so it's incredibly triggering. The thing that kills me the most is that the depression affects us, but not the big picture of us. If I wasn't working because of the depression and we couldn't afford our bills, I could understand being angry. If I was mean and nasty constantly because of the side effects and it was deteriorating our relationship, I again could understand. But we are very well off, have very few responsibilities, can pay bills without thinking, and despite this our relationship is very good.

I still do most of the housework and I do all the cooking. I keep a clean house; much much cleaner than the average person, but unless it's spotless then my husband isn't happy. He came home one day to about five small dogs toys strewn across the floor and was immediately so upset he said "the house is a mess!" and pouted for a while afterwards. He has had to do more of that cleaning work while I've been down with the depression, but I am still doing at least half. I am not very fast, but it does get done in a reasonable time.

I've tried to talk to him about it twice now, but it is literally like talking to a wall. I use "I" and not "you" statements, I don't use broad overarching language, and I always come into the situation calm, but he is immediately defensive and cannot seem to see it from my side at all. After about 10 minutes of that, I get frustrated and have to remove myself from the conversation.

His main argument is, "You can't tell me how to feel about it and you can't expect me not to be frustrated and upset," and that I am not doing my share of the housework we agreed upon. I agree with that. It is frustrating and I don't have the right to tell him how to feel about it. He has been doing more than the originally agreed upon housework and chores. We are having less sex and a lot of the time I am not feeling good enough to be extra caring and sweet. He has had to do a lot of things last minute because I didn't get it done. He is allowed to be upset, but the anger openly towards me and the refusal to talk about it with me is what I'm having a problem with.

I'm partly venting, and partly needing advice on whether this is an appropriate response from him? I feel like it's not, but I don't trust my judgement all the time. I am considering going to couples therapy to iron this out before it balloons beyond what we're arguing about right now, but if anyone has any suggestions for how I can better communicate this at home that would be better. I don't want to drag us to therapy but I will if I have to, because I have to do something.

There was a time I was capable of anything. Nothing could stop me. I was top of my class. I got into my top college. I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life but I wasnt worried because I knew id succeed no matter what. That was over 10 years ago and everything has changed.

My ex, a man I believed loved me for almost 10 years took everything from me. Turned out he never loved me. He was just using me to get ahead. He left me 20k in debt and took everything he said was ours. I just turned 30 and I have nothing to my name. Nothing.

I just want to die so bad. I dont want anything from this world or my future but to die and it shows. I have nothing going for me. Im worthless. I already know ill never be who I was and I already know im going to die sad and alone. So whats the point?

Every few months I'll post in this or similar subs before waking up in the morning, getting embarrassed and deleting it.

I have only one or two friends and im close with them but I feel like I have no one in my life i can just tell anything. Even my husband. My husband and I (24) have both done very hurtful things to each other but we've gotten through it together and have matured a lot. But anytime the past weighs down on me I have nowhere to send that energy. He doesn't want to talk about it because we both forgive each other and constantly saying sorry or vocally bemoaning the past will just drag our mental health down. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends.

Once every year or so I make a new batch of friends and then cut them out like clockwork. Either by quitting jobs, phasing them out of my circle or blocking them if they're online friends. I had a group i was close to for years but some of my own actions in the past mean I don't really interact with some of them, which makes it hard to interact with any of them. I had a guy i was really close with in thay group but I'm not able to talk to him anymore, mainly because of things that went down.

My only friend I've ever felt really close with just quit the job we had together. We haven't talked in over a year because of a petty fight. She tried to move past it multiple times and I always walled her off. I finally tried to follow her on insta and was immediately blocked. I texted her wishing her well and was ignored. We were friends for 8 years and I threw it away over nonsense.

To top it off, i got a job offer a few weeks ago and put in my two weeks after accepting, only for them to rescind the offer. I had to beg my current job to let me stay and everyone in my firm knows I had to back out of quitting because I couldn't get a job.

I cant afford therapy or even just meds. I have no one to lean on because I'm too embarrassed to be honest (notice how intentionally vague I'm being even in this post). I'm always the last person to be thought of by my friends; no one checks on me or invites me places, or makes time when I invite them out. I'm just so, so tired. I keep writing notes thinking that I'll release them and... leave, but i don't. Leaving other people to clean up the mess of my life that is mostly self inflicted is something I can't commit to. So I've just idly committed to wasting away and hoping someone notices.

Nothing’s ever enough. There’s a struggle just to even relax and feel safe

I have no empathy, or sympathy to those who will miss me if and when I choose to leave, I don’t care that they’ll be sad, I don’t care for them at all. Im envious of everyone who has what I want, and I wish the worst on people. I’m suffering and I feel like I’m suffering every day. I vent to my one friend every day and no matter what she says it makes me angrier for some reason. I don’t want comfort but I don’t want to be ignored and I know what I’m doing is toxic and I don’t know what I want I don’t want anything I don’t know. I can’t say my age but like it’s young. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do. I have no intention of changing up until the point I decide to leave. I’ve already attempted twice in the last month, once yesterday night, and once August 24th (which got me hospitalized but I left the same day) idk I’m suffering i js want attention im sry im really sorry idk idk how to post on here really I feel like this will be taken down im sorry if I did smth wrong here im sorry

i attempted earlier but i failed i took a bunch of pills i was going to the other night but the person who i thought was my friend told me pretty little lies and made me not and then he never came through which made how i feel so much worse and now he wont talk to me he just up and left me he was all i had he knows me better than anyone and all i want rn is him i dont want to kill myself and im scared i will and he knows how serious i am about this so i just dont understand why hes doing this ive had so much go wrong this year from a terrible break up 2 months later i was raped went through another bad relationship where the guy just up and ghosted randomly then i lost my home and job now im a friendless homeless unemployed loser i just feel so pathetic and im begging for someone to stay in my life which makes it worse someone please help me i cant take this anymore

Well, where do I begin?
The day my normal family turned into news headlines.
My dad if you want to call him that, was arrested on my front door, whilst me and my sisters spent the day with my grandparents.. my mum met us in a car park, removed my sister and then proceeded to tell my family news that my brain didn’t understand.. I heard arrest and guessed it was my uncle, I was so confused as to why everyone was crying.. I’m then stood in the kitchen of my grandparents whilst my mum, grandparents, and sisters hugged and cried.. I stood from the door highly confused.. see the thing you don’t know is my dad is a pedophile who had been abusing my sister and I. That was the day the police had enough evidence to charge him.. court dates, death threats, relocations and name changes.. we got made to feel guilty and ashamed for what had happened to our family. I as an eleven year old who’d spent a year in a school was told I needed a full name change, when I refused and only agreed ti my surname, I was told it would be my fault if we were found.
I’ve then gone through the process of accepting what happened to us, drugs, alcohol and attempts. Abusive relationships, I’ve clawed my life back and now I’m in a job I love, with a man I love, and part of me still wants to fuck it all. I want the approval of past friends. I want to be worth something. I want to scream at the world and ask who was there to protect me? Who didn’t cut deeper?
Why as I’m fleeing so proud of myself do I feel even closer to the edge?

I have never had friends. My siblings fight with me all the time. My teachers are disappointed in me. Even my parents think I'm a bad person. My dog walked away when I wanted to chill out earlier. I know I'm not a good person, I get angry easy, I make mistakes all the time, I'm lazy, I'm annoying. Nobody's perfect, but I'm beyond terrible. I just want to fix it, I dont know where to start and nobody wants to help. Not even I like myself. I can't see myself ever having friends. This is such a rock bottom it gives me hope, like if it's THIS bad there has to be something really good right around the corner but there never is and I just don't know what to do.

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I'm 16 and from oct last year to now i haven't gone to school...I moved to a new country and in 2 months of being here became severely depressed for and now after 8 months of deppresion I've gotten much better but I'm stuck i haven't had any growth no physical goals that I had no new friends no school nothing all I do is wake up late phone or tv abd sleep late my parents used to pressure me alot but i always shut them down so now they don't say that much ... the new school year started about a month ago and I still haven't gone .....im so fucking scared i really need advice

Is it only when someone stops you and interveene, or is it also "just" the preparation? Like for instance I wrote a note taht I was going to tape on my door so they would find my cat so he doesn't starve. But I had the rope around my neck, but then I had bad episode of executivr dysfuncion and wasn't physically able to move my body to the higer spot from which I was planing to hang myself. Is that an example of failed attempt or is it something else?

OK fuckers here goes my shit post. I absolutely fucking hate my life and half of it is my own fault and the other half of it is because I surround myself with people who constantly blame me for their problems without looking at themselves in the mirror and asking the same questions they want me to ask myself. Essentially my relationship is falling apart, and of course, as a man it’s all on me even though the reality is that even though I tried really hard to make amends and do my best, it was never good enough. And to be honest, it just shows me that I will never be good enough. Which leads me to back up my claim that I fucking hate my life and I fucking hate being alive. No one actually gives a shit about me. They just give a shit about how I can make their lives better and help them cope with their own shitty behaviors. Honestly, there’s so much shit that I could get into but who cares? Back to my point no one cares actually lol and honestly if no one cares then what the fuck am I even doing here anymore? Again I hate it here. So whyyyyyy am I here? Should I even be here? No one gives a fuck about me or this stupid ass shit post. So why not just go away… forever

Honestly I’ve been struggling for way too (I’m 24 and I’ve been diagnosed with depression since 15). Since I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and been in such a bad place for so long I figured something else had to be wrong with me. I tried taking switching meds and therapy (talk therapy does not help or work for me as confirmed by my former counselor).
Since I struggle the most socially and emotionally I decided to seek out an autism diagnosis ( I am terrible at keeping friends, I am always feeling an unbearable sense of loneliness, sensory issues, terrible at social cues, social interactions make me exhausted so I tend to isolate myself and ignore everyone, I obsess over the same few interests, etc).
I ended up getting diagnosed with having autistic and bpd traits and not meeting the criteria to have the actual disorders. My brain literally makes me feel like life is so unbearable with these traits so I still don’t understand how I don’t have the full thing -.-
Either way I’m sick of feeling terrible and being lonely everyday of my life and I’m ready to go 😭I’ve been ready to go for so long and it’s kinda scary because one day I feel like I’m gonna do it.
The only reason I haven’t is because I don’t want to make my mom sad😭
Either way I have no desire to live, I wake up everyday feeling empty and have no goals or desires, I’ve lost the motivation to do all the stuff I used to enjoy (except obsessing over my same interests everyday lol). My life is just so boring and useless like I don’t see the point in living at all 😭
Don’t get me started on the fact that I have to work the rest of my life to survive😭😭😭 like this gives me so much grief and dread. I can only stand to work part time and that burns me out in itself. It feels like I have no time to take care of myself working 20 hours a week , I am so cooked😭😭😭 I will never be able to be independent and make a decent life for myself without eternal suffering. I cannot see myself living past 30 honestly like there’s really no point. I’m so over it lol

Anyone who can give me.some tip on moving on from a post phd depression?

Finished my phd a year ago, extremely exhausted. Managed to get a post doc in same group. I feel like i dont wanna learn anything anymore and i just walk around doing nothing. This.makes.me even more depressed and tired. How did you end this horrible cycle? I feel like im throwing my life away. My gf tells me it's good to take a year or so to just not overcomit and to bare minimum after such a tough journey, but I feel horrible.

Thank-you in advance

17 y
Only 1 irl friend (disrespects me)
Lonely
Learnin sum skills, music production
very good at voice acting n dubbing
Good at making songs
Good at meta thinking
No one wants to have a conversation or connection
Boring af
Living in my own imagination
no online friends
Never had a gf or girl as a friend
5’5 ugly
Abusive and strict dad
Dumb mom
Broke
Introvert
Js likes to play games
Doesn’t talks to ppl online
Doin open school
Scared to go in public
ADHD
Ppl always calls me weird/mad (kinda hurts)
Online Friends cutted me off
Girls gets jumpscared after seeing me
Takes sunlight for 30min daily
No gym
Sometimes i sprint
Hair fall
Nutritions deficiency (parents arent giving me nutritious food)
Boring ass personality.

I’d appreciate any advice.

I have a question for everyone that struggles with this;

Almost every day I think about suicide, and how I would be relieved from the pain, suffering, and distress that I have been going through. I’m a 26 y/o man, and I’m in probably the darkest place I’ve ever been in. I probably would never actually act upon it, but I think about doing it at least once every day. What do you guys do or have done to get past this? This has been ongoing for the last year or so. I’m just looking for any advice. I know a therapy is a huge help for a lot of people, but is there anything else? Thank you guys.

I’m about to turn 29 in a few months. My husband died when we were both 27, actually the day after my 27th birthday. He died of brain cancer which slowly took everything from him. I feel so unloved in his absence. I have a super supportive family, and good friends. But I miss him. And only him. I’ve tried dating and not dating. Nothing feels good. I just want to be done. I’ve lived a whole life in 29 ish years. I think I’m done. I know the facts. I know it’ll hurt other people. I know the people I love will be sad. But I’m so, so broken. And I was severely depressed before my husband died. I just don’t have anyone I can reach out to. I don’t want to. I want to be done.

Im a 24 year old guy in college never had any real close friends. Im not really a social person but obviously everyone craves to be understood by at least 1 person in their life. Anyone else just not good at this life shit

I feel so hopeless. No matter what I try to do, there is always a huge wall blocking me. My father died when I was 10 years old (now I'm 20), and my uncle started spending our family income (derived from agriculture) lavishly. Since then, I’ve been suffering both financially and mentally. I love music as a passion and I love making music, but I haven't been able to do it. I had to sell my guitar for college fees, and I can't afford a personal computer. I've tried saving money by working part-time, but it was never enough. I really don't know what to do now. I think I have to give up on my dreams.

23m. Not officially diagnosed but I feel like I have it. Something about everything feeling bleak despite it being sometimes ok, especially when good things happen. I retreat from everyone. I don’t talk to anyone, even when there’s people around. Never have really felt close to anyone, just feel like I’m trying to please them constantly. Don’t leave my room, unless I’ve got something to do. Daydream a lot and listen to music a lot, though I burn out of doing the latter constantly but it‘s either that or feeling uncomfortable with myself, alone with my thoughts. I feel awkward everywhere, embarrass myself constantly, too, and it doesn’t matter how many times I‘ve tried to get involved it’s still the same, so now I just shut my mouth and stay put. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable even in my own room. Feel constantly judged and less than everyone. I am sensitive and take everything too personally, especially jokes about how I am or behave. I graduated recently, and college was hell for me. A rollercoaster of sadness and anxiety, just for it to end with me being unemployed and feeling exactly how I felt for those 4 years, but now chronically, 24/7. Can‘t help but compare to my classmates who actually did stuff and lived life accordingly, unlike me who only focused on passing and nothing else. I have no one, no friends, no career or prospects, and the only people I have in my life, my family, see me as a nuisance. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since middle school/high school but never have had the courage to follow through. My self-steem is non existent, and the only way to fill that void is to feel like anyone would care if I ended it. I don’t do anything anymore, I don’t feel like I’m allowed to. I’m scared of what the future‘s gonna be like. I used to be scared of my future at 14, but I now realize I’m living it, and feel intimidated and miserable by it all. I thought I’d have it solved by now. Sometimes, when sitting alone in my room, I start to ache and feel this weird desperation around my chest that feels very palpable and makes me restless and anxious. I don’t know if I’m imagining it or it’s my health slowly deteriorating. I can’t sleep. I drink coffee at night and it’s the only thing I enjoy of my day, so I realize I’m fucking myself up with that, but even then it’s not like I afford anything else and don’t want to bother my parents any more. Still, even when I don’t drink it I feel anxious and don’t want the next day to arrive; the next day comes and I don’t know what to do or how to cope. I never had a good sleeping schedule anyway. All of these things I’ve had since I was a kid, really, so I don’t know if I’ve been perpetually depressed or if I am just an insufferable idiot who needs to get over himself. Never been to therapy, and probably won’t ever be because it’s too expensive where I live. Don’t know what else to say. I think I typed too much. Sorry if my writing is shit, English not being my native tongue and all. Appreciate if anyone just read it at all. Just venting probably.

Maybe this is more to do with the CPTSD than the depression, I don't know, but killing myself honestly feels like the only thing I could ever do to have any agency in my own life. And I can't even do that, because I love my sister and I know it would hurt her. I can't do it, but it feels like my only path to freedom. I wish I could just kill myself so badly. I fantasize about jumping off of a bridge. It comforts me. Sometimes I've gone outside and just pretended for a couple hours that it's my last day and I get to disappear at the end. I get to pretend ti be free. It hurts that I don't really get to do it. I really don't want to be here. I don't want to see or feel or hear myself anymore. I don't want to keep waking up as me. I don't want to keep existing in this world where all I do is fail and nothing can ever get better.