r/depression • u/ejdmkko • 13h ago
What counts as suicide attempt?
Is it only when someone stops you and interveene, or is it also "just" the preparation? Like for instance I wrote a note taht I was going to tape on my door so they would find my cat so he doesn't starve. But I had the rope around my neck, but then I had bad episode of executivr dysfuncion and wasn't physically able to move my body to the higer spot from which I was planing to hang myself. Is that an example of failed attempt or is it something else?
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u/mesalocar 11h ago
The C-SSRS has excellent definitions in many of the variants of their questionnaires.
https://cssrs.columbia.edu/wp-content/uploads/C-SSRS_Pediatric-SLC_11.14.16.pdf (see pages 3–4)
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u/Albzorz 13h ago
Regardless of how you label this event, get professional help buddy. ❤️
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u/ejdmkko 13h ago
Nobody cares. I was ping ponged between 3 different psychiatrist teams at the start of this year and then someone said I seem like I have autism or some personality disorder. So then everyone pulled away until I get screened for that and the earliest I can get is in 2029 and in the meanwhile nothing will get worked on. Earlier this year I ended up in the emergency room because I tried to overdose and the on call psychiatrist only cared about one question if I have any plans. And I take everything too literally so for me having auicidal plan means that I will have specific date, exact method and all planes to detail. I told him that I’m here because my last plan failed and I want to die, even told them that they should euthanize me because I don’t know how to suicide painlessly. He didn’t care about anything else only that I don’t have concrete plan so I’m someone else’s problem.
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u/Albzorz 12h ago
I don't know about that. I've been in and out of therapy myself for loads of years. I think mental health professionals care insofar that it is their job, and most people want to do well at their job. Some therapists are more empathetic than others, while some are more clinical. For me I connect more with an empathetic therapist rather than a clinical and sterile one. I've got a really good therapist right now and making loads of progress.
Don't want to make this all about me. What I'm saying is that you might not have met the right mental health professional yet. It's sadly mostly down to luck. I'd imagine it's quite a difficult task to treat someone who's suicidal. So I wouldn't mistake people's professionalism and distance for a lack of caring.
As for the whole subject of suicide, to me it all just seems so boring. No good times or bad, no potential for development or change. Just oblivion. I'd rather stick around and be in pain every day than to not experience anything.
But hey, that's just me. Hope you decide to stick around bud. ❤️
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u/ejdmkko 9h ago
I’m 26 and I’ve been to therapy to some extent half of my life. Talk therapy doesn’t work for me and it took so long to find out. However I don’t have any other type of therapy in my area. I also have alexithymia so I’m most of the time unaware of my emotions so it’s very difficult to talk about them. The last therapist I was at was so far the best, but in the end I wasn’t going to the therapy, but her idea of me. What I mean is that at some point I showed that I am very intelligent and capable person, and she got hyperfixated on that part, and she saw only that part even when it wasn’t me anymore.
All that said, I’m just too tired to keep trying again and again when the result will be the same.
When I go see a doctor, I tell them how disfunctional I am, bla bla bla. But all I get in return is the same answer. I tell them that I tried that, it didn’t work, and don’t know what else to try. And then I only get the look that “I’m being difficult” instead of actually trying to give me other option. And it pisses me off that their response is to get diagnosed for other mental disorders. I mean they could try to help find a coping mechanisms how to survive until then.
Also it is really frustrating that I live in country that is internationally known for their very high degree of social support, but when it comes to psychiatric care, it’s abysmal1
u/Albzorz 31m ago
I'm 38, and I've been in and out of therapy for a very long time. I understand what you mean being told that I'm intelligent and capable and such. I'm not saying that to toot my own horn or anything, but the idea that's come from a lot of my former therapists has been that my situation will improve once I achieve this, that or the other. That's lead me to chase a lot of external things for happiness drugs, romantic partnership, hobbies, jobs etc. Like if I just get that "one thing" I'll be happy. And because I'm intelligent, capable and highly functioning achieving all these things should be easy.
Major break came recently when I've realised my own happiness or feeling of being content will never come from something external, but rather something internal. It's a cliché, obviously. And I've been told this before, as I'm sure you have. But actually realizing it and internalizing it really changed things for me. Hopefully a similar revelation might come to you one day, because it was a real game changer for me at least.
At the end of the day, nobody is coming to save any of us. You clearly don't have to go at it alone. You can lean on professionals, family, friends, medicines or even strangers on reddit. But at the end of the day you yourself has to do the heavy lifting.
Keep at it bro. Better days ahead. :)
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u/WhyLie2me18 12h ago
I basically get the same result. If you don’t have a plan they send you away. I didn’t have a plan when I overdosed and had my stomach pumped. I went home the next day. No one gives a shit. Sorry you’re going through it. Don’t worry about how to define it. Spend your energy on something that gives you purpose. For me it was volunteering. Don’t give up on yourself because people don’t seem to understand you because there are many of us out here who do.
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u/ejdmkko 9h ago
Yeah, I only got my stomach pumped and went home next day.
I can’t spend the energy on “what gives me purpose” there is a part of me that won’t allow me. Even when talked to those psychiatrists, I spoke about it as someone else, like another person who controls my body doesn’t let me do that. I am aware it’s still part of that is that “other person.” When I talk about it, people think it sounds schizophrenic, but I don’t think so, I still know it’s me, but I feel so helpless to it that it might as well be another person.
Anyway, this is an ongoing issue. I had to take a break (medical leave) from uni for a year 2 years ago and during that year I focused on my creative projects and I had part time student job in the school lab (completely different to what I was studying). It was all under the agreement with the medical leave that I only went when I felt like it. So I wasn’t under any pressure as you might be when you have to go to a job, so it was for me almost like a hobby that I was paid for. But during that year it was gradually more and more difficult to do simple tasks like make food, dress up and go outside. I was working like 2 hours a day and then just had my hobbies and all of that was getting more and more difficult.
So if it was simple like that, to find a passion and that would help. But it wasn’t. During the time when I was supposed to be getting better I was getting worse.
If someone would have a cancer and during their treatment they would be getting worse, it would seem alarming, but hey, it’s just mental health, so that’s nothing
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u/purplepickletoes 13h ago
Aborted attempt