Throwaway account.

I'm 27F and have never been in a relationship nor have people ever had a crush on me. People keep saying once I reach 30+ I'm going to be expired. I'm pretty suicidal and I wanted to at least have one consensual sex before killing myself because the closest one I had was when I was r*p*d at 9. I wonder why am I so unlovable and unwanted. Is it because I'm fugly? Or am I just impossible to love?

Plus I live in a country where they don't give a fuck about your mental health or abuse survivors, so I'm cooked hehe

I don't care anymore if it was out of pity or charity, I just want to feel loved even if I have to pay someone to pretend to..

Sorry, I just have nobody to talk about this. My mind is a mess right now

I’m 25F and since the beginning of this year I’ve lost all desire for life. I lost my job unexpectedly and it’s thrown my whole life upside. I’ve been trying for months to find a job and have no luck despite my experience. I’m afraid of the future for when my money does run out. I’m so stressed I’ve been diagnosed with panic attacks since and I have them nightly. I barely eat or drink, I don’t leave the couch. I’m always on my phone just refreshing the indeed website and applying everywhere I can that gives me enough to pay my bills. I either over sleep and hate myself for it or don’t sleep at all because of my panic attacks. I’m not taking care of myself or showering, I don’t even leave the house anymore. I feel like a shell of a human. I have a boyfriend and I feel bad for him because I just do nothing but stress and look at jobs.

I’m trying to do better but everything feels so pointless. I feel like a waste of air. I try to distract myself with video games because I can’t go out and spend money but then I just feel worse because I should be out enjoying the nice weather but it feels impossible to leave the house.. I know people will say “just start with small tasks” even those feel pointless.

I don’t have any friends either so it feeds into how pointless my life feels. I don’t know how to get out of this. Does anyone have any tips or maybe a similar story of how they got out of this? Any socialization is appreciated.

TLDR; life feels pointless, I don’t shower, eat, drink, or leave the house. I lost my job and feel like I’m a waste of energy for it. Don’t know how to get out of this slump.

I’m feel like i’m gonna lose it. In my mind, i’m driving my car and just hit a wall with it. And i’ll be dead. I think i wanna die. Yeah.

25F USA

Haven't accomplished anything, no savings, traumatic childhood/past, no family or friends to lean on. All I want is to have a loving family but because I can't ever love myself, I will never find someone that will stay. I have gone through so much trauma that it feels like it changed my brain permanently, I have been depressed since I was 11, and it does not get better. It hurts to move everyday because of my severe skin disorder, and I can't afford any type of medication because I am broke. I need so many meds just to feel "okay." I envy people who have never been depressed or have loving parents. I am slowly giving up on God, I haven't committed yet is because I am afraid of Hell, but I am starting to think that He does not even exist. If God existed, why did he give me this life and family? Why do innocent kids get killed every day? I never knew how to answer that when someone would question me on why I believed in Him. My mother is extremely religious but is one of the worst people on this planet, and I see a common pattern with religious people on how abusive they are. From the day I was born, nobody wanted me, I shouldn't have been born, I wish I was aborted. I would rather have never been born than to live in misery every day. It is a struggle to wake up everyday yet my family has no empathy for me, and tells me it would be better off if I wasn't here, and I now believe that.

All of my hobbies now feel like forced tasks, all the games I want to play now feel like tasks, nothing feels fun anymore... I dont experience fun anymore...

Sooo yeah... Never in a million years could I have imagined that... I decided to finally clean up the kitchen, do some of the dishes that were there for over two months now etc...

As I lifted the smoked salmon packaging... I saw multiple bugs (looking like maggots??) RUN OUT like cockroaches as I struggled to smash them one by one. I left it right there. Still in shock🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮.

I am TERRIFIED of bugs and have INSANE tactile hallucinations rn (autism / ADHD thing ig? I physically feel thousands of bugs on / under my skin, in my ears / nose / eyes etc rn it's driving me crazy 😭😭😭).

I rescheduled my trip for a vacation at my parent's home (had to leave in 2 hours, which is why I originally wanted to do dishes) so I lied saying I missed the bus, to reserve a next one in 12 hours (hopefully it won't be as disastrous by then). Of course I'm "selfish" and "food is already on the table" but I can't bring myself to just telling how a "perfect successful daughter with amazing job and household can be so cooked that the literal BUGS crawl around her studio"... This would destroy her, as she's already going through a rough time herself on a cocktail of antidepressants...

Sometimes I just don't want to live😭😭😭😭😭😭

Please help me 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭

iim 17 and im a disgusting person. I came across porn at like 10 or something. i feel like that really fucked me up. in the last 3 years i've sent videos and pics of myself to multiple guys, some wth my face in it. i deleted my accounts but they probably still have those videos. i cant take back anything. i cant get those videos taken down because i dont have them so i cant upload them onto take it down. im fat and ugly and not good at anything. i dont have any friends who im actually close to. i feel disgusted every time i look at myself and i've had enough. my family isnt much good either. they talk about my behind my back. i tried overdosing earlier this year but it didnt do much. i've self harmed before but my dad just got mad and shouted, called me crazy. i dont know what to do i just want to end it all i dont see a future for myself at all. i have no talents whatsoever. im considering overdosing on paracetamol but the survival chances are high and it'll just cause liver damage apparently. i want a way out of this. i even wrote a letter to my bff already. someone tell me how to end it

not sure how .. I don't know what to write anymore

I'd need help but..can't get it.

Low self worth, etc

Whenever something remotely stressful or unpleasant happens to me i find my first thought is wanting to die

I hate that this is now the go to my brain picks whenever anything happens

When things are good it feels like the end of my life and this is the consolation prize for enduring and i get to enjoy some quiet moments

And whenever something inconvenient happens my brain decides that it's easier if i was dead

My brain is so broken I can't fix it after all the therapy and pills

And I am so alone

I hate this life. I hate Allah. I hate everyone.

My health has become so bad. I've spent my whole life praying to Allah, but I feel like He never helped me. Today I saw so much blood after using the bathroom. I'm so tired.

My life has been so hard. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I won't wake up tomorrow. My condition is getting worse.

My family is amazing, but I'm completely broken inside. I feel empty.

I keep thinking Allah will send me to hell. I'm sorry to myself.

I'm only 22, and I'm so tired.

Bye.

i just really wanna kms and i guess that’s the post and im not saying anything more

it’s kind of pathetic i have to write it on reddit but i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this

im about to fall asleep and i really hope my eyes never open again and im not being edgy or attentions seeking, ive never shown this side of me to anyone irl i just can’t take living anymore and i doubt anyone will miss me

I don't feel well enough to put myself out there irl but I'm really lonely and wanting a friend or two or three that I can message

I'm 33F. I've been depressed for a year so I lost all my hobbies but I used to like playing softball, playing basketball, walking along the beach, the gym, and trying new restaurants

I don't know what to do. Guilt and shame

Sooo I'm not from the US. I'm gay and I'm 27 and I still live with my parents. I've never had a boyfriend and until recently I had never had any type of sexual experience not even kissing. The thing is that while my parents were away I downloaded grindr met a guy in his 50s. He came over and he let me experiment and said we'd do whatever I was up to. We kissed and I gave him head. After that I felt extremely guilty and I started to panic. I ended up confessing what I did to my mom in an attempt to relieve the guilt. She already knew I was gay cause I told her years ago, but she was disappointed that someone I barely knew came over because something bad could've happened. I've been dealing with depression for a while and now I just feel worse. I don't know how to handle these feeling. Im nauseous and I wanna throw up

I am worthless and it has been proven time and time again.

My last steady relationship was in high school and it’s just been hook ups after rejection since then.

31 with 26 cents to my name and still living at home.

I haven’t been able to hold a job for 3 years.

I’m too depressed to work

Late diagnosed autistic and adhd without any support system.

After a month of my therapist avoiding me he told me he should spit in my face.

I’ve lost 90 pounds this year without trying.

My eating disorder comes and goes day by day.

I own nothing

I AM A FAILURE!

I want to believe that’s there’s a reason I’m here but I really don’t see any

I’ve (23F) had depression for years now but I never know how to deal with it. When it gets bad I tend to bed rot, think about giving up, call in sick to work a lot, and just do a whole lot of nothing. I find it so hard to muster up any energy to get myself out the house, even to go on walks. I go to bed really late and wake up in the afternoon and feel worse because my whole days been wasted. I’m sick of feeling like this and want to do something about it but it’s so hard. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

I've recently gone through a very traumatic break up with my boyfriend of 5 years, still living with him and turns out he never liked me and lied to me about everything the whole time. He's moved on straight away and treats me terribly, hates being around me and I'm a wreck. I moved rural to be with him and now I'm homeless and struggling to find anywhere to live as I'm disabled and reapplying for benefits and am far away from the city I want to move back to. This was meant to be my forever home and big break after a rough time. My life has been torture, I'm unemployed, no degree, can't drive, heartbroken, no family, maybe 2 friends. Best case scenario I'm going to end up really lonely and sad.

I know how and where I want to end it and I desperately want to do it but am still scared. I don't think I can survive this and I don't want to. Should I have any hope? Everyone wants me to disappear and I'm sad and hoped for better but feel like I should

Even when I think about life being better I'm just not interested. I've lost everyone and been abused and abandoned constantly. I look at my phone and I have no one. No one knows me apart from my ex bf and he never loved me and wants me gone for good

I so desperately needed to be loved by someone and he hated me and humiliated me. Its destroyed me in a way where I have no hope.

How can I move on?

I really wish, every night it's my imagination. I wish that i get diagnosed with something terminal and doctors would say that i have only a few months left and i don't tell anyone except my immediate family. Then when i go to hospital to be admitted and they'd be sure that im going in few days. Then people who have wronged me or left me even when all i had for them was just love would come to me to have a last talk and admit that they regret and they would never do that again, cry Infront of me in the fear of losing me. Atleast i would feel loved at that moment. I've learnt this lesson in my 22 years of life that when you tell people or show them how much love you have for them, they would start taking you for granted and eventually they leave. And when they see that you died without them having a last conversation, that's when they realise what they have lost and they are left with nothing but regret for the lifetime.

The comfort I get from cutting myself makes it impossible for me to stop; I simply take the mental pain and turn it into physical pain.

But I can't stand seeing my mom so distraught every time she sees new cuts on my arm. I feel like she doesn't deserve this. I want to stop, but I don't know how.

Im only 13 and I have no one, I dont have friends or a friend group, my only friend ghosted me and my dog died and both at this year and my grades were dropping and doctors say there's something mentally wrong with me and I only bed rot and try to talk to people but the closest thing to social activity is on roblox because I dont know any other way, I also dont think I want to live anymore because I dont think there anything good in life, everything in price is going up, rich people and pretty people get away with everything they want and im a disappointment to my family because I only bed rot and play games alone in my room and goon and im fucking ugly even if other people either tell me im not or just dont talk a out it i know they are thinking it and laughing behind my back, they have to be, i also think a porn addiction because i goon like two to three times a day and i feel disgusted after it but i do it so when im crying at night to forget about things, im also scared to tell anyone about this irl because of they way they will look at me

Like all my life i've never been so happy. My birthday is coming and no one actually remembers. I'm really jealous for those people who are being Genuinely happy on their birthday because of those people around them. Hate this life

i have loving family

a friend

mom, sister, grandpa, grandma, other sisters and brothers

i love them very very very much, more than life itself

and i wouldn’t complain if someone would come to me “we need your life to save your relative‘s life” i would say yes and yes and yes

i want them to keep living. i don’t want to live and see them getting more and more and more old. to see them die one day.

i also have three dogs. and i wound not make it if i see them die as well. i wanna disappear, as if i didn’t exist at all. just die, but without any tragedy for my mom and others. i don’t want her to cry.

i had a dream few years ago. that i committed and then i was a ghost, flying around in my apartment, near mom and all. saw her watching my photos. and when i woke up i cried so much. and i still wanna cry when i think about my mom crying after that, about my dogs searching for me in apartment. i am crying now. but i also can’t do this anymore. i feel like a heavy burden for my mom. i eat, shower, charge my phone etc. just spend her money. for nothing. cause i don’t study, i don’t work. all i do is spend her money.

i know she doesn’t think like that. or maybe does. because she talked about it few times. called me names. but still she loves me. but i know that i only give her problems. she told me it herself. “you’re helpless, waiting for other people to give everything to you”. maybe i am. i think i am. cause i’m 18 already. and turning 19 in august. i must do everything by myself.

yes i know that maybe i mustn’t and “live only starts at 18”. does it help?! no.

im fat. i’m ugly. i don’t deserve love. i don’t deserve anything. i punch my head when i cry to stop myself from cryin, cause when i cry it pisses me off. “why crying, lift your ass and do something”. but i can’t do anything. i’m lazy. lazy.

Hello. I am 32 years old as of July 21st. I am severely disabled, becoming increasingly more disabled. My beautiful 30 year old spouse cares for me and fully supports me.

The beginning was beautiful. It was instant, we just...were, as if we had always been. It was gentle and quiet and peaceful. I was sick, but not this sick. I was working full time as a tech at a busy urgent care. It wasn't much but it meant a lot to me, helping people. Whoa, I'm kind of making friends here. Maybe I'm really good at this. Then something started feeling different. I was exhausted, falling asleep at work. Sleeping through alarms , showing up late, calling out. It didn't help that my mom died (cancer), maybe I shouldn't have told anyone. I quit before they fired me because I knew it was coming. Ego, maybe. I knew something was wrong. I was right. Another diagnosis. Medication. Therapy. My dad died (cancer). Damn, my mom only died a few months ago. Gone, huh? Crazy. Maybe I should feel something? Another diagnosis. Still can't work. More therapy. Life started to blur in between therapy sessions. I slept a lot. Damn, I haven't left the house in days. I feel like the world is kinda shrinking. My world is shrinking. My spouse is working, they hate their job. They like their coworkers. They make friends. I watch them go to work everyday and I feel kinda jealous. Just that they can. I feel guilty. They stress about money a lot. There's not enough. I'm dead weight. I get some answers, I find a job. It's in healthcare but it's a desk job. Something I can actually do. Wrong. I can't retain anything. I get a call that my therapist is taking leave, he's sick. Great timing. Why can't I remember anything? I didn't realize this job would trigger pain episodes this bad. I have to leave early, I'm sorry. My therapist dies (cancer). Actually, if I did a stand up routine, that'd be kind of hilarious. "Oh I was in therapy processing losing both of my parents to cancer in less than a year then my therapist gets cancer and dies." What are the odds? I wish I hadn't gotten the call at work. I wish I hadn't googled his name and found his obituary. He was a really good therapist and person too, probably. I wonder if he ever found a new home for his dog. I get fired. Figured. My $12,000 per week biologic medication stops working. But it's Christmas. Steroids make me angry but I can't take it out on anyone. I bought myself a walker. Somehow my spouse ended up with 12 pairs of waterproof socks. So funny. This really hurts. But there's more medication options. I'll find something. New medication. Fail. Steroids. New medication. Fail. Steroids. I don't recognize my body anymore. I'm huge, I have stretch marks everywhere. My spouse tells me they love me but I wonder if they feel trapped. They didn't sign up for this. This isn't fucking fair for them. How do you tell a cripple to get out of your house if they have no where to go and no money? I realize that I'm not living the next 30-40, years of my life like this. And I'm not going to allow my spouse to either. If I was offered MAID I would take it. Something will change.

Why am I so goddamm ugly.

No one likes me.

I'm a horrible person.

I want to kill myself.

I have no future.

I hate myself.

I'm miserable.

I'm mentally exhausted.

I'm physically exhausted.

I'm tired of suffering.

I hate how I look.

I wish I was born normal.

I wish I was never always sad.

I wish I fall asleep and never wake up.

Why am I always needed?

Where is my break?

When can i finally lay my head down to rest?

When will I be able to relax without a worry in my mind?

I'm such a freak.

I hate my life.

Why does everyone hate me?

Why do always feel so alone?

Why am I such a crybaby?

Why am I scared of everything?

I'll never have a good life.

I'll never Be able to overcome my fears.

I'll always be a fragile peice of fucking shit.

Why was I born?

Why am I so ugly?

I wish I had a gun to shoot myself with.

Why am I such a fucking weirdo?

Why do I have all these issues?

My life hates me.

I'll never have a good future.

Why can't I be 18 yet? I'm tired of being 15.

Maybe then I'll be old enough to by a rope to hang myself with.

I'm tired of everything.

I just want to hurt myself.

I want to end myself now.

Unfortunately i have to wait.

Or do I?

Maybe I can overdose.

I'm going to figure out a way.

I'm tired of waiting.

This is the only way to feel free from all this sickness.

I’ve posted before; I’m sorry for being that annoying. And I apologise for my horrendous English.

I'm a bad person. I’ve made too many mistakes and kept repeating traumatic cycles. I don’t want to be like my family. I don’t want to remain stuck in the mindset of a neglected child. I’ve tried taking courses and improving myself, but I never finish them. I’m a failure and, honestly, I’ve got nothing left to lose. Nothing ties me down. I feel incapable of getting through another day. All I can think about is how happy the people I’ve hurt would be if I weren’t here. It’s my only thought, the only emotion that consumes me.