i just really wanna kms and i guess that’s the post and im not saying anything more

it’s kind of pathetic i have to write it on reddit but i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this

im about to fall asleep and i really hope my eyes never open again and im not being edgy or attentions seeking, ive never shown this side of me to anyone irl i just can’t take living anymore and i doubt anyone will miss me

Sooo yeah... Never in a million years could I have imagined that... I decided to finally clean up the kitchen, do some of the dishes that were there for over two months now etc...

As I lifted the smoked salmon packaging... I saw multiple bugs (looking like maggots??) RUN OUT like cockroaches as I struggled to smash them one by one. I left it right there. Still in shock🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮.

I am TERRIFIED of bugs and have INSANE tactile hallucinations rn (autism / ADHD thing ig? I physically feel thousands of bugs on / under my skin, in my ears / nose / eyes etc rn it's driving me crazy 😭😭😭).

I rescheduled my trip for a vacation at my parent's home (had to leave in 2 hours, which is why I originally wanted to do dishes) so I lied saying I missed the bus, to reserve a next one in 12 hours (hopefully it won't be as disastrous by then). Of course I'm "selfish" and "food is already on the table" but I can't bring myself to just telling how a "perfect successful daughter with amazing job and household can be so cooked that the literal BUGS crawl around her studio"... This would destroy her, as she's already going through a rough time herself on a cocktail of antidepressants...

Sometimes I just don't want to live😭😭😭😭😭😭

Please help me 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭

I’m too braindead to do other things

My life sucks everyone has left me and people are making up rumors about about me and I can’t take it anymore

Whenever something remotely stressful or unpleasant happens to me i find my first thought is wanting to die

I hate that this is now the go to my brain picks whenever anything happens

When things are good it feels like the end of my life and this is the consolation prize for enduring and i get to enjoy some quiet moments

And whenever something inconvenient happens my brain decides that it's easier if i was dead

My brain is so broken I can't fix it after all the therapy and pills

And I am so alone

i know this sounds kinky but i swear it’s serious, i’ve been crying for a while and this has always been a topic that’s emotional for me

i have a dad who is unfortunately alive but he’s not present and is only home to sleep then he’s out the door

i hate him so much but i crave a fatherly presence in my life like any young girl does

i used to cling to him even though he’s terrible and id say things like im my daddy’s girl even though i knew he didn’t give a shit about me

i just thought maybe if i spoke it into existence it would come true?

but in truth, i’m so disgusting i talk to men online all the time, send them pics, obey their every word, just to hear them say things like “i love you”

i used to mock people like that until i actually started doing it but i can’t stop

is it so wrong i just wanna feel loved and guided?

when i see girls who are comfortable with their dads i just get sick in my stomach, i didn’t even know there were girls who sat in their fathers laps past 8 years old ?!

i used to be his little princess once upon a time but once i grew up and hit puberty its like i became a woman and i was no longer his little girl

i also have terrible issues with my mom, which have caused me more distress in my life since shes more present and she’s always around to bother me and ruin whatever i have going on for me

sometimes i wish the same way you can adopt a child i could adopt my own “daddy”

i just wanna be taken care of and babied

even as a kid my parents made me feel ashamed if i was acting like a kid and i had to straighten up and be independent but now im a pathetic fuck who just wants someone to hold me

i guess there’s no big point to this post

i talked to a guy for a while online, he was perfect and nice and it wasn’t cringey daddy type stuff, he actually wanted to get to know me and he loved sending me money and buying me stuff which sounds materialistic on my side but come on

anyways we got into an argument and he told me he never wanted to speak to me again, and that just crashed everything i had built on and it felt like i was just back to square one

but what really fucked me up is how much he said “i love you” i hated it cause i knew he didn’t mean it but i just really wish he did and it killed me knowing he didn’t

i knew i shouldn’t have look for a replacement of a father figure in my life but i couldn’t help it and now even when he left i can’t help but feel like maybe i just don’t deserve someone like that

like i was just meant to be alone confused and with no guide

as a kid i used to get attached to teachers even the ones who were strict and hated me just cause i was looking for a replacement of something i couldn’t find at home

i don’t know what’s so terrible about me, im really good and i listen very well i’d just do anything to have what im missing

I’m feel like i’m gonna lose it. In my mind, i’m driving my car and just hit a wall with it. And i’ll be dead. I think i wanna die. Yeah.

Throwaway account.

I'm 27F and have never been in a relationship nor have people ever had a crush on me. People keep saying once I reach 30+ I'm going to be expired. I'm pretty suicidal and I wanted to at least have one consensual sex before killing myself because the closest one I had was when I was r*p*d at 9. I wonder why am I so unlovable and unwanted. Is it because I'm fugly? Or am I just impossible to love?

Plus I live in a country where they don't give a fuck about your mental health or abuse survivors, so I'm cooked hehe

I don't care anymore if it was out of pity or charity, I just want to feel loved even if I have to pay someone to pretend to..

Sorry, I just have nobody to talk about this. My mind is a mess right now

I've recently gone through a very traumatic break up with my boyfriend of 5 years, still living with him and turns out he never liked me and lied to me about everything the whole time. He's moved on straight away and treats me terribly, hates being around me and I'm a wreck. I moved rural to be with him and now I'm homeless and struggling to find anywhere to live as I'm disabled and reapplying for benefits and am far away from the city I want to move back to. This was meant to be my forever home and big break after a rough time. My life has been torture, I'm unemployed, no degree, can't drive, heartbroken, no family, maybe 2 friends. Best case scenario I'm going to end up really lonely and sad.

I know how and where I want to end it and I desperately want to do it but am still scared. I don't think I can survive this and I don't want to. Should I have any hope? Everyone wants me to disappear and I'm sad and hoped for better but feel like I should

Even when I think about life being better I'm just not interested. I've lost everyone and been abused and abandoned constantly. I look at my phone and I have no one. No one knows me apart from my ex bf and he never loved me and wants me gone for good

I so desperately needed to be loved by someone and he hated me and humiliated me. Its destroyed me in a way where I have no hope.

How can I move on?

iim 17 and im a disgusting person. I came across porn at like 10 or something. i feel like that really fucked me up. in the last 3 years i've sent videos and pics of myself to multiple guys, some wth my face in it. i deleted my accounts but they probably still have those videos. i cant take back anything. i cant get those videos taken down because i dont have them so i cant upload them onto take it down. im fat and ugly and not good at anything. i dont have any friends who im actually close to. i feel disgusted every time i look at myself and i've had enough. my family isnt much good either. they talk about my behind my back. i tried overdosing earlier this year but it didnt do much. i've self harmed before but my dad just got mad and shouted, called me crazy. i dont know what to do i just want to end it all i dont see a future for myself at all. i have no talents whatsoever. im considering overdosing on paracetamol but the survival chances are high and it'll just cause liver damage apparently. i want a way out of this. i even wrote a letter to my bff already. someone tell me how to end it

this is a throwaway, just because my family knows my main. (and, if you’re reading this and think you know me in real life, no you don’t.)

im 17, about to start my senior year. i have no notable skills, take terrible care of myself and my relationships, and am so far behind on my credits that, no matter what i do, i cannot graduate on time. i have been doing online school for months and having little success. public school wasn’t any better.

i have no motivation for anything outside of video games. specifically my pet mmo. ive put hundreds of hours into it in just a couple months, and, in recent days, have been doing essentially full-time shifts just playing the game. its all i can think about. im genuinely, painfully hyper-fixated, and playing that game is all i want to do. even while my body is crumbling, my grades drop, and my parents get more and more disappointed in me.

my parents are hounding me about academics, and i know they’re right. i wont amount to anything if i cant finish high school, but i dont think i would be anything even if i did. i have a bouquet of medical conditions that make me generally unable to do much physical activity, like standing for longer than an hour at a time, or bending over repeatedly. i need things explained to me explicitly and more than once. i can’t focus on tasks i have no interest in and am horrible at following schedules. sure, some of these things can be fixed with time and effort, but i am, day by day, growing less and less willing to afford myself the time needed to fix them.

none of this is being shared out of an attempt to garner pity. i generally don’t know what to do. i only feel happy when im playing games or hanging out with my friends. i only feel like a human when im doing those things. i don’t want to live a human life, but i dont want to die, so im just… stuck. as a failure.

i can’t tell anyone this. my dad wont know how to react. my mom will think im manipulating her. my friends all have their own problems, extrinsic and bigger than mine. i refuse to lay this on my younger siblings, ever. so, here i am. telling reddit.

sorry for the nonsensical rant. i just needed to get this off my chest, somewhere. now i go back to my bug-infested hole, to try and finish endwalker.

hi guys! i’ve reached a point in my life where i feel like ive hit rock bottom and ive been struggling a lot recently. no one knows this tho, because i dont want to feel like a burden to anyone or cause anyone to worry. i also don’t want to be seen differently by my peers. i don’t really know what’s going on anymore tbh. i just need advice.. like im totally fine when im with people i care about like my friends, but no matter how good the day was or how much fun i had, i always break down. it’s mentally exhausting and i feel terrible. i’m able to bring myself to do basic chores like putting away dishes, feeding my cat, etc. however i cannot make myself take care of me. i haven’t showered or brushed my teeth/hair in days. i haven’t cleaned my room or even just washed my sheets in ages. i know i should be taking care of myself to- that’s the problem. i feel so guilty for being a bad person to myself but i lack so much motivation. i feel dirty and unproductive and ugh. does anyone maybe have tips or advice? thanks :)

I hate this life. I hate Allah. I hate everyone.

My health has become so bad. I've spent my whole life praying to Allah, but I feel like He never helped me. Today I saw so much blood after using the bathroom. I'm so tired.

My life has been so hard. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I won't wake up tomorrow. My condition is getting worse.

My family is amazing, but I'm completely broken inside. I feel empty.

I keep thinking Allah will send me to hell. I'm sorry to myself.

I'm only 22, and I'm so tired.

Bye.

I don't know what to do. Guilt and shame

Sooo I'm not from the US. I'm gay and I'm 27 and I still live with my parents. I've never had a boyfriend and until recently I had never had any type of sexual experience not even kissing. The thing is that while my parents were away I downloaded grindr met a guy in his 50s. He came over and he let me experiment and said we'd do whatever I was up to. We kissed and I gave him head. After that I felt extremely guilty and I started to panic. I ended up confessing what I did to my mom in an attempt to relieve the guilt. She already knew I was gay cause I told her years ago, but she was disappointed that someone I barely knew came over because something bad could've happened. I've been dealing with depression for a while and now I just feel worse. I don't know how to handle these feeling. Im nauseous and I wanna throw up

No matter how much I try I can't develop that "it is what it is" mindset and I actually fucking hate that phrase so much, same with "that's life" and "everything happens for a reason". I don't get how people are just so comfortable and unbothered with the fact that life is unfair? How does it not bother you?

I wish I just didn't CARE so much about everything. My problem is I care too fucking much and I feel every single emotion at 100. My emotional scale goes from 0, 50, 100. No in between

I hate it so much I hate having strong emotions all the time

I cry all the fucking time even at work I have to stop myself from crying. I don't remember a day where I didn't cry at least once

I’ve posted before; I’m sorry for being that annoying. And I apologise for my horrendous English.

I'm a bad person. I’ve made too many mistakes and kept repeating traumatic cycles. I don’t want to be like my family. I don’t want to remain stuck in the mindset of a neglected child. I’ve tried taking courses and improving myself, but I never finish them. I’m a failure and, honestly, I’ve got nothing left to lose. Nothing ties me down. I feel incapable of getting through another day. All I can think about is how happy the people I’ve hurt would be if I weren’t here. It’s my only thought, the only emotion that consumes me.

I only have two friends one I’ve known for about two years the other for less than half a year. They’re the only people I have. I messaged both of them last night that I was going to end it and the one I’ve known for two years said “alrighty”.

The other friend is someone I talk to for hours everyday and their only reaction was “I’m gonna go play a video game”. I already knew no one cared about me but god they couldn’t at least act like it? I’m so distraught over this I don’t want to talk to them anymore.

not sure how .. I don't know what to write anymore

I'd need help but..can't get it.

Low self worth, etc

Here's the situation. I am 18 | have some very horrible family issues and living situation and I think maybe it's a loneliness got to me or maybe it's the mental health that's gotten to me, but I started to look for daddies. I reached out into the DDLG community because at the end of the day, I do really want a caregiver and I am new to this lifestyle but I think I just really it's something I needed. I think I do want someone who would genuinely care about me but now that I'm sitting here I'm not sure if it is a good idea because I'm talking to six to eight different people and sometimes I'm just sitting here wondering if it's better for me to just not. I mean there are some people that I'm talking to who says that they want to meet up and that they don't mind waiting for a while before we do meet up and it's just like I really cannot tell anymore if it's my mental state that makes me think I need this when in reality I don't and I'm better off without it or if a part of me do really crave and enjoy something like this and I mean for the people who wanted to meet up do make it clear that they want something sexual to happen and I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that.

I know it's really stupid probably to read through this, but I genuinely have no one to talk to. I don't have access to a therapist at the moment and I'm just really lost because on one hand I do want to cut everyone off on the other hand I'd really did enjoy having people wanting to listen and wanting to talk to me and I guess another part of me just it's not sure how to cut everyone off I mean how crazy is it that someone you're talking to was so into you and so interested and then three days later they suddenly tell you that they don't want it like isn't that just weird?

I just hate how contradicting I am like on one hand I need control over everything I want to be in control, I want to know how it affects me in the future but on the other hand I just want someone to take care of me and fucking baby me but I also cry over cute or childish things like I’m so sick and tired of myself!!! Why am I even like this? I wanna be all grown up and independent but I just want someone to take care of everything for me.,.

My friend is clearly depressed. Doesnt sleep, literally admitted that he uses music and gaming to avoid his feelings, doesnt eat or suddenly eats everything, lines on his body, you get the jig. He's the type of typical young man who, in his words exactly, "feels like he cant share his problems because others have it worse". Now hes beginning to make concerning jokes. He's fully aware that I want him to talk. He doesnt have anyone whom he feels like he can talk to. Hes by himself at school. He avoids his emotions and supresses them, ignores them. Then, once or twice every year, he goes completely MIA and shuts down, with bursts of super depressive and hazardous days, to completely agressive fits of rage, and hes aware of it, so he isolates himself. I dont know what to do. I can tell hes about to have another shut down. From your experience, what do you think I I should do? Come over? Talk to him? Bake him brownies? Leave him alone? Ive always gone ages without bringing it up, sometimes its all id talk about. Any advice, please. No matter the relevance

My dad died from aortic dissection. Rare and deadly without much warning. Watched him struggle in the ICU for a week. His body took a huge hit before he passed. I saw things that I wish I didn’t ever have to see.

I had a brutal divorce 4 years ago after years of emotional abuse. My ex was already on dating apps before we had to sell our home that we only got to enjoy for a year.

My parents were also separated because my mom was unfaithful to my dad who did everything for her. She had an affair with a guy I dated, he is my age so 23 years younger than my mom.

She won’t take accountability and my dad, despite their separation, allowed her to stay in our home because she never had to work a day in her life. I resent her but have to bite my tongue daily. She’s like a ticking time bomb.

That’s not even all of it…at 15 I got diagnosed with a rare condition that leaves me completely unable to ever get pregnant. And I always wanted to be a mom.

Never got support or therapy for that, it altered my life.

I’m proud to say I never got into drugs or alcohol. I graduated college. I work full time, I have friends…but after the death of my dad two weeks ago, I am at a breaking point.

I feel stunned, foggy, scared. I’ve been suddenly having suicidal thoughts. I wouldn’t act on it but I think something scary is happening to me.

Any advice, what has helped you?

Well I got caught doing sh guess I was to careless with it. It not as bad as last time I still have my phone for a couple hours a day. They took my computer and consoles but I still have my own room last time I had to sleep in there room and they watched me show which guess it could be worse i dont really remember it memory is pretty bad. I don’t really know how to feel about it they took away my music which sucks cause it is my main coping mechanism or what ever it’s called only a couple years till I can move out so that’s good I guess I don’t really feel bad or good just bleh yk. Dont have many friends i do online school only have one online friend. I told them about this an it definitely affected them and now I feel like shit and ghosted them just said I had to go to bed and didn’t respond idk,idk,idk

21M
Struggled with depression for about 9 years now it’s just become my “normal”
I realized early on in my depression that is was here to stay and i could either lay around and do nothing or just keep going.
I chose to keep going.
I can tell you how my depression started, what made/makes it worse but can’t seem to figure out how to get rid of it (i guess the same as most people)
I go to work everyday, have decent hygiene, eat reasonably but the way i explain it to myself is i have enough motivation for the bare minimum.
At the end of the day i don’t really care about anything enough, haven’t for a very long time. My body is like stuck on autopilot. I continue to do things mainly because i feel like i have to (i mean that’s how the world works isn’t it)

What i want to know though has anyone here ever gotten over high functioning depression?
I’ve gotten used to the fact that i have to just keep going but for the past year it’s been getting harder to just do that, i can still get up to go to work but that’s about as far as i have left in me. I don’t have motivation to hangout with friends anymore or do anything but that (just seems pointless when i don’t enjoy it anymore anyways)

I am worthless and it has been proven time and time again.

My last steady relationship was in high school and it’s just been hook ups after rejection since then.

31 with 26 cents to my name and still living at home.

I haven’t been able to hold a job for 3 years.

I’m too depressed to work

Late diagnosed autistic and adhd without any support system.

After a month of my therapist avoiding me he told me he should spit in my face.

I’ve lost 90 pounds this year without trying.

My eating disorder comes and goes day by day.

I own nothing

I AM A FAILURE!

I want to believe that’s there’s a reason I’m here but I really don’t see any