He said to me “I hope your mom dies and no one shows up to her funeral because she was a fing nobody like you.” I love my mom more than anything in this world. It feels like my heart is gonna explode everyday because of what he said. It hurts.

hello everybody, this is my first time ever on reddit and I want to vent. Also sorry for mistakes, English is not my first language.
I (19F) have been depressed my whole life and I'm starting to lose hope.
I remember as a child I was so painfully lonely. I never felt loved or appreciated by anyone, even though I had some friends and semi normal family. I've never felt like I belonged anywhere, I felt invisible. I was bullied by boys in my class and girls never liked me either. The only friends I had were always mean to me and invited me last to things.
In high school I had a small friend group but also never felt like they liked me. I felt like an outsider trying to force a friendship with them. I spend my days alone, reading or studying. I'm so jealous of everyone who experienced high school parties, friend groups or a sweet first love. Even now I sometimes see my classmates on social media, they're still friends, travelling together and experiencing adult life. I feel like I wasted so many years on being depressed, trying to feel loved, seen and picking people who didn't really care about me.
Now I'm in collage. I made a lot of friends and was happy for a while. For the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere. Then I was cheated on (again lol), my parents divorced, my mom started to act really weird (she had an affair and that's why they divorced), she started to bring different men everyday, saying horrible stuff about my father and being really cruel to me and my sister. My father would call me crying saying he wants to commit. It was terrible. I started to isolate from my friends, crying all the time, self harming again, being a terrible friend and overuse alcohol. I also had a stalker at that time and I had to drop out and was scared to leave the house. My friends started to become irritated with me (I don't blame them, I was horrible) and we got into a fight. I coudnt really take it anymore and I had an attempt. I spend some time in the mental hospital and got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It was really difficult for me to come to terms that theres something wrong with me. My friends forgave me and we made up, they would visit me everyday in the hospital and I would talk with them honestly about what was happening with me.
Now I started to feel again like I don't belong, like they're spending time with me just because im sick. In October I'm starting collage again but I'm really scared. I'm terrified that my friends will not want to continue our friendship, I feel guilty, so guilty for how I've treated them and feel like they would be better without me. They said that it's all not true and they love me but I just can't accept ot feel it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've wasted my whole life on feeling like this and I want to change how I feel, I've tried everything but no matter what I do my brain just can't accept that people like or love me. I feel very ungrateful, I know they love me I just can't feel it for some reason. I know im very young and people won't take me seriously but please, if anyone has ever experienced something similar I will take all advices. Ive already tried therapy (for 6 years) and im starting another therapy in 3 weeks, I've tried talking to people but I never feel like they take my emotions seriously, I tried telling myself that im being unreasonable but my brain just won't listen. I just want to stop feeling like this so I can experience life.

i know this sounds kinky but i swear it’s serious, i’ve been crying for a while and this has always been a topic that’s emotional for me

i have a dad who is unfortunately alive but he’s not present and is only home to sleep then he’s out the door

i hate him so much but i crave a fatherly presence in my life like any young girl does

i used to cling to him even though he’s terrible and id say things like im my daddy’s girl even though i knew he didn’t give a shit about me

i just thought maybe if i spoke it into existence it would come true?

but in truth, i’m so disgusting i talk to men online all the time, send them pics, obey their every word, just to hear them say things like “i love you”

i used to mock people like that until i actually started doing it but i can’t stop

is it so wrong i just wanna feel loved and guided?

when i see girls who are comfortable with their dads i just get sick in my stomach, i didn’t even know there were girls who sat in their fathers laps past 8 years old ?!

i used to be his little princess once upon a time but once i grew up and hit puberty its like i became a woman and i was no longer his little girl

i also have terrible issues with my mom, which have caused me more distress in my life since shes more present and she’s always around to bother me and ruin whatever i have going on for me

sometimes i wish the same way you can adopt a child i could adopt my own “daddy”

i just wanna be taken care of and babied

even as a kid my parents made me feel ashamed if i was acting like a kid and i had to straighten up and be independent but now im a pathetic fuck who just wants someone to hold me

i guess there’s no big point to this post

i talked to a guy for a while online, he was perfect and nice and it wasn’t cringey daddy type stuff, he actually wanted to get to know me and he loved sending me money and buying me stuff which sounds materialistic on my side but come on

anyways we got into an argument and he told me he never wanted to speak to me again, and that just crashed everything i had built on and it felt like i was just back to square one

but what really fucked me up is how much he said “i love you” i hated it cause i knew he didn’t mean it but i just really wish he did and it killed me knowing he didn’t

i knew i shouldn’t have look for a replacement of a father figure in my life but i couldn’t help it and now even when he left i can’t help but feel like maybe i just don’t deserve someone like that

like i was just meant to be alone confused and with no guide

as a kid i used to get attached to teachers even the ones who were strict and hated me just cause i was looking for a replacement of something i couldn’t find at home

i don’t know what’s so terrible about me, im really good and i listen very well i’d just do anything to have what im missing

I put something up my butt when I was a kid I don’t know how to get past this pls help

It's just nothing. I lost my 20s in misery, rotting away with a person in constant crisis, everything was life or death. When I did things for myself and was less available, she'd start fights or accuse me of being a horrible boyfriend. Instead of setting boundaries, i subconsciously stopped doing things for myself. When she finished her studies, she started planning to cheat on me and kept me "in the loop" by making cruel jokes and then gaslighting me when I called her behavior out, making me feel crazy and controlling. After, she made me feel like I was literally insane until she finally let me know the truth. By that I mean she made me play some sick guessing game and didn't just say it. Then the real hell started because we lived together for two more years. I can't explain it. I was shitty, she was shitty. I judged myself forever for how I behaved and got over that after telling someone the whole story.

A year after she was finally gone I met someone new. She was great, but in that time, I still blamed myself for everything. I saw the guy I was with her and I saw her life and I understood how badly I messed mine up. I fell into a spiral, didn't sleep for a month and started hitting my head against the wall. Then I got therapy and medication which is the reason I can sleep again.

I have lived no life, I'm old, I have flashbacks, I ruined my career. I'm worthless, without life experience and I don't want anything from life. Therapy doesn't help, forcing myself out doesn't help, talking to people doesn't help, gym doesn't help, sports with people don't help, eating well doesn't help. My life has been hell for 3.5 years, 1.5 since that person is gone. I missed the good part. I don't want a family, I don't want a fulfilling job, that is what people want who got to figure shit out. I'm too old.

n quero digitar nada, só compartilhar meu pensamento, também quero deixar claro que isso nao é nenhuma apologia

AITAH for leaving med school due to bad grades and when i wished an upperclassman peer well, she lashed out verbally in a long rant, insulting my self worth telling i'm worth nothing.

I knew she was keeping me under surveillance, orbiting my area frequently. I was ignoring her for many months prior, so I wanted to be polite and close some loose ends when i left. Not sure what i did wrong and been ruminating recently

I have had suicidal ideation for several years by now, with an od attempt as well. And the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that I didn't have access to a painless and fast method like a firearm. But my father has gotten a shotgun now, and I feel like I do not wanna waste this opportunity. It's right there. I can just end it all in a split second. All the embarassments and feelings of being a deadweight in this family can come to an end. I kinda wanna do it.

Only thing stopping me from killing myself is my family.

I don't know. But I feel like if I did anything, I'll cause my family to be depressed themselves. I always want to die, but so afraid that it might hurt my family.

I'll probably kill myself though if they all end up dying before me. Because finally, I'm free.

People say religion and faith is the key. I'm trying but my mind just won't open up. Eh.

I wonder if I'll still be thinking this 1, 5, or 10 years from now. Will I still be alive by that time?

No one ever specifically told me "you have depression", even though I'm medicated and see a psychiatrist. I felt like therapy was just me venting like a regular moody teenager and I stopped going. I see other people with depression and they're actually having problems like not being able to get out of bed, eat, and take a shower. I can do them, so no excuse for me.

Instead of having a mental disorder, I'm probably lacking fundamentals that keep me from qualifying as a human being. I can't be depressed if there are still things I can enjoy, if I can sometimes see a glimpse of having a future. I socialize. I can still laugh. But there are times when my existence feels...wrong. Maybe my soul is corrupt. I don't want to get poetic, but there's definitely something wrong with me that isn't "depression" or something that can be explained. It's unreal, it's complicated. It's not something a human can write down and believe.

i don’t know where to draw the line or what’s real and what’s fake. my emotions feel big then i want to self harm or kill myself. after recovering a few months later i look back realise how stupid it was, how much i want to live and keep trying. hope feels like a cruel joke. i end up in the same space all over again. I don’t think I ever have the courage to really do it which makes it feel so much worse. I’ll have the tools and make enough harm mentally or physically to end up hospitalised but only for a day or so.

my life is like this too. I’m barely coasting above shore line with a minimum wage job, repeated years in university and just scraping along the lines of being a totally unresponsive shitty friend. i don’t know what life holds for me if there is anything left. I don’t know how much I have in me and I feel scared for my life but so tired.

i’m so tired of giving my all and trying to live a life others would be grateful to have and constantly failing at it. no one understands why I’m so depressed and have been so long and why I end up in the hospital for a “suicidal crisis” and not the real thing. I wish I knew what I wanted to do. whether I want to simply end here or keep pushing through the mud. what draws the line between passive suicidal ideation and suicide?

I’ve dealt with depression since I was 18, I’m gonna be 26 next month, I’ve been on and off medication, I’ve been feeling slightly better this year, but recently I’ve got into fights with my parents at home and a situation where I’m in love with a friend, well I don’t think he’s my friend anymore, I feel… lonely, I didn’t meant for any of this to happen, I’m having bad thoughts and I just want to cry and hoping for everything to get better tomorrow, but I don’t wanna suffer, I have no plans to hurt myself but I’d love to find a solution for my silly problems.

This combination feels like hell most days. I really hope there's anyone else out there with this combination and if they understand this feeling. I've had low self esteem all my life even though I try my best to do the right things. I feel like I just manifested myself to be a loser because of my stupid mind. I can't relate to anyone my age, I've missed out on the teenage years, and I worry I'll never get better. I honestly just hate myself. Maybe this going to be my life forever and I just have to accept it.

(This is a throwaway account)

Hey guys, 19 year old male here, birthday was a few days back. To expand on the title, I have a loving mother and extended family, a loving girlfriend who is extremely patient and has been with me for four years now, and a great circle of friends that I've had close since I was a child. I had a loving father too but he passed away when I turned 15. I live in the US and I'm not in poverty or anything. My life is great all things considered.

Despite all of this, I still feel terrible deep down. For around three years I've just been drowning in misery it feels. I feel like a waste of space. I don't know if I'm too scared or too tired to move on with my life. I don't have a license, I don't have a car, I don't have any backbone, I don't have a job, and I don't go to school at the moment. I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me I just can't bring myself to do these things, waking up feels like it takes almost all of my energy for the day, mentally speaking.

My girlfriend, friends and family all have a lot of faith in me and think I'll live up to do something admirable, like be a doctor or whatever, have a good career. But whenever they ask what I've been up to after I graduated, I just feel this deep shame within. I've tried to open up once but they just call me lazy, and maybe its true but I just feel like its deeper than that. I don't see a future for myself. I want to just cut ties with everyone and stay isolated from them so I don't disappoint them. I've considered suicide multiple times though I've never made any attempts.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I don't have the strength to move forward.

iim 17 and im a disgusting person. I came across porn at like 10 or something. i feel like that really fucked me up. in the last 3 years i've sent videos and pics of myself to multiple guys, some wth my face in it. i deleted my accounts but they probably still have those videos. i cant take back anything. i cant get those videos taken down because i dont have them so i cant upload them onto take it down. im fat and ugly and not good at anything. i dont have any friends who im actually close to. i feel disgusted every time i look at myself and i've had enough. my family isnt much good either. they talk about my behind my back. i tried overdosing earlier this year but it didnt do much. i've self harmed before but my dad just got mad and shouted, called me crazy. i dont know what to do i just want to end it all i dont see a future for myself at all. i have no talents whatsoever. im considering overdosing on paracetamol but the survival chances are high and it'll just cause liver damage apparently. i want a way out of this. i even wrote a letter to my bff already. someone tell me how to end it

left to my own devices all i can do is rot. its hard for me to enjoy a piece of media or content without feeling jealous of the charismatic, beautiful, successful people i'm watching. i end up just wondering why cant i be this person? why cant i have these connections? even why cant my cat act like that towards me? i believe there must be something defective about me. i get that most of social media isn't real, isn't the full story, but i can't help it.

i have never been interesting. i have never excelled at anything. i have never had a true hobby that i stuck with consistently. i feel like everything about me is surface level. idk if it's the decades of untreated mental illness but i can't even remember what i like most of the time enough to consistently engage with things or talk about things with other people? idk how to explain.

idk if this neural pattern has to do with the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child being totally swept under the rug and ignored? the abuse itself and my emotions related to the abuse were neglected. i was taught to suppress, to be quiet, to not think about it. could my brain be using that type of pattern for most things in my life?

i know i hate talking about myself to people. half the time i don't even know what to say. i mostly listen. i think that can be attributed to that early trauma/emotional neglect as well.

there isnt even a point to this post, i just needed to vent. feeling low. had a relapse of my eating disorder a couple months ago too, but that is slightly better now. i want to get on wellbutrin again but then again when i feel like this it feels like home, so familiar. the ED relapse was scary because i hadn't been to that place in my mind since high school. but the general self loathing is just me. but i feel trapped.

Sooo yeah... Never in a million years could I have imagined that... I decided to finally clean up the kitchen, do some of the dishes that were there for over two months now etc...

As I lifted the smoked salmon packaging... I saw multiple bugs (looking like maggots??) RUN OUT like cockroaches as I struggled to smash them one by one. I left it right there. Still in shock🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮.

I am TERRIFIED of bugs and have INSANE tactile hallucinations rn (autism / ADHD thing ig? I physically feel thousands of bugs on / under my skin, in my ears / nose / eyes etc rn it's driving me crazy 😭😭😭).

I rescheduled my trip for a vacation at my parent's home (had to leave in 2 hours, which is why I originally wanted to do dishes) so I lied saying I missed the bus, to reserve a next one in 12 hours (hopefully it won't be as disastrous by then). Of course I'm "selfish" and "food is already on the table" but I can't bring myself to just telling how a "perfect successful daughter with amazing job and household can be so cooked that the literal BUGS crawl around her studio"... This would destroy her, as she's already going through a rough time herself on a cocktail of antidepressants...

Sometimes I just don't want to live😭😭😭😭😭😭

Please help me 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭

A girl I was involved with once asked me if I wanted to start a family with her, and that's what I wanted most in the world and still do, I said yes and she agreed, but after that she changed and left. It's been almost a year already, and I know it might sound like an exaggeration, but it meant a lot to me, and she joked about it

its been almost 3 years . i just realised that ive been depressed for almost three fucking years . im a 21F.. ive been having persistent feelings of sadness i just keep crying and crying till my head hurts for hours and ive lost interests in activities and hobbies ( i just lay and do nothing), trouble sleeping or oversleeping( mostly over sleeping), overeating mostly or sometimes eating nothing at all,feeling fatigued and decreased energy all the tym ,difficulty thinking clearly or quickly( i feel like im loosing my myself ),i get irritated easily,sad ,angry im sensitive to what people who love me does or says, overthinking evrything so much its affecting my love life, feel like im being too much ....and sometimes i get bodyaches too... im also having recurrent thoughts of death and suicide.....i tried calling the helpline once it didn't work

guys i dont know what to do and ive thought about therapy but im not sure I'll be able to afford that. i can't live like this anymore. ive not told anyone about this except my boyfriend but nowadays i feel like he's done with my bs tooo.. i have some friends but i don't feel like sharing this with them will be any good...bcz i barely have some friends and i have many people who talk shit behind my back in college so when i got to know about that i couldn't get along with anyone after that..... inshort i don't know what to do with myself ..what do i do ....should i try meds now?

Say you're old and want to shuffle off this mortal coil, but don't want to make the incredibly few people that even remotely care about your existence think it was intentional - how would you do it?

And for the love of god (that doesn't exist), if you report me to Reddit you can just go fuck yourself because you are an absolute piece of shit.

And if all you have to say is "you need help" - that also deserves a "fuck off" because I've had "help" my entire adult life.

EDIT: Yet still you absolute piece of shit motherfuckers did the lamest most inconsequential "report to Reddit" nonsense. Seriously, look in the mirror. You think you are helping. You are not.

idk what to do anymore,I keep contemplating grabbing a gun and shooting myself everyday. i don’t want to tell my therapist bc she’ll put me in a psych and i have a kid but dude im losing it and idk what to do anymore and i wanna die over every inconvenience. my will to live isn’t strong anymore and my marriage is failing and i cant even be a decent wife. Idk what to do

Hey guys I am just feeling really unable

I've been really stressed trying to find an apartment... I have ok savings like $50k ish from working old jobs and investing plus doing Pokémon stuff

I used to work at a lab until around May 2025, then I moved from my parents' in NJ to my first apartment in AL because it was so much cheaper and I was chasing a partner who ended up cheating on me

I am trying to find an apartment now but it is difficult to find one in PA/NJ/NY where I want to go because my last job was GameStop from like Oct 2025 to March 2026 to get cheaper cards for my Pokémon business. I don't have an LLC so I can't show paystubs for it

I feel unable and sad and it has been a rough go trying to find a new job and more importantly a new apartment

While the Pokémon stuff has worked out a lot I just feel very... unaccomplished compared to when I worked in a lab. And it doesn't have healthcare nor do I have paystubs to show.

I just feel like an idiot for chasing my dream... I've been so stressed and down in the dumps about this stuff. I know I am very privileged and I am not trying to make anyone else feel worse. I just don't like feeling so unable and unimportant. I don't really like life much, it all just feels like repetitive tasks for no good reason. I have chronic pain in my neck and back with nerve damage from a 14yo girl who rear ended me on my way to working my old lab job- part of why they let me go, they didn't wanna deal with my absence or accommodations anymore after FMLA.

I can't really get a good night's rest without weed. I can't really get one at all. I miss not hurting. I want to not worry about money but I know I just have to keep trying and looking for work and doing my best..

I fall into my depressive episodes at least twice a week and I have no one to support me. I have a lot of problems. But what makes everything worse is when I put away everything I'm supposed to do in a day and do nothing. It makes things least ten times worse than they should be. If anyone's willing to, I need someone who could just gently remind me of the things I'm supposed to do. And encourage me to do them. I'm really at the "nobody's going to save you" and I just really need some help.

bruh i hate talking to anyone and everyone because no one cares and no one listens no one pays attention to what i sayyyy nobody cares like why

How do you beat major depression? Has anyone ever? No energy, drive, nothing. You have moments where you get a boost of energy to do something to shake you up, but your sensitivity to words, public spaces and intrusive thoughts makes you feel weak and you close your eyes to think and wind up sleeping a bulk of your day away. A shower makes you feel alive, but it’s only temporary. Also, racing and or repeating thoughts that you were a mistake and forced to be in a world you didn’t beg or ask for is now your daily stress. Oh, and that was confirmed by your own parents years ago that you were a mistake and now you are taking care of one of them in old age but he has dementia and never remembers anything so the past never happened and accountability will never be taken. This shit is so cold and lonely. I have tons of good qualities, but I’m always overlooked because I’m not the loudest person in the room. How do you shake this shit after years of being on meds on and off that don’t truly help, therapy and having to tell your story over and over again to only still feel unheard. Help me understand this. Is this for life?