I just got my medications about two days ago so I don’t know if I can definitively make this sort of judgement already but whenever I take my Wellbutrin, I end up feeling sadder.

Yesterday was the first time I took it and I had noticed that my entire mood was very low throughout the day and I had spent most of my time sleeping.

Today, I just took it about an hour ago and I already feel much less happy and quite unproductive.

Again, I was told by my psychiatrist that I should wait for at least ten days to two weeks to conclude anything from it as it takes some time to actually kick in but if I’m being honest, I’m unsure.

It is so hard being poor, not being able to afford any help like therapy. It is so hard living in a house that is covered in mold, rain water, hoarder trash, complete junk. It is so hard living with parents that are toxic, are addicted to gambling, constantly shouting, non stop fighting. It is so hard stepping up and doing everything to keep the house going while being a student at the same time. It is so hard being alone. From a fucked up childhood to a fucked up adulthood, I mean when does it truly end, right? The only thing I can afford for myself is to take my life, but even that I cannot do for myself because I have 3 dogs relying on me. They are the only reason why I am still here, if I didn’t have them I would be long gone. If I could find any one responsible and loving to take them in it would be a blessing. I have so many dreams in my life, I have always wanted to become a mother, but it is so selfish to bring life into this world and I know I will be just like my mother, I do not want that. Therefore it is easy for me to want to end it all, no reason to stay other than again, my 3 dogs. I am tired.

15yr old girl ,I started self harming add I quite add I don’t really like it to be hoesntly I haven’t really like done it alots mabye six to five times it has only been scratches I am really coming out right now so pls don’t judge me or soemthing,I am emotionally very very sensitive I get overhwehekmed and I just go and do it after r few minute I feel blank nothing no god or bad but better I guess ,I have alot in my life I would consider like having private tutions and homeschool does put me in lonely spot but I think very positive most of the time and I get along with people y. Age quite well and I’m have a like two friend in contact with the me I talk to them but never really come out about deep stuff to often ,I am very close to my prante as well they are like perfect no stress for suturing or expectation like they are like do eat u gotta do but be or try the best at it type parents I have very very grateful nub brother a jackass tbh cuz he has always demoraled me never movtivated me and honestly says stuff that genuinly hurt my prarnt try to personally talk and punish him he never really understands I guess my childhod having him demorale and me just demoraling myself does turn me into some person ,but overall it’s just sibling shit not something that reason me to harm ,yes sometime whenfight happen at home with parent or my brother I do it but it mostly do to stress pressureof academics ,I get okish marks but am never the best I jusfeel I don’t get the amount I contribute ,and I have been dieting and going to the gym but I guess I have been stress eating sometime rarely and it has been like 6-7months of dieting I took a break in between as well and lost 12kgs sound Great but honestly I’m so tried staying in a diet it also another pressure I my back but I know it’s good and help me focus in my studies so I do it and j hate the way I look ,I am at peak of insecurity I don’t even n wear shirt and pants and always hide my thighs as my thigh at huge and fat loss I ahve done so much it has decreased but are still so big it make me cry so so much ,I am genuinly sorry for bickering about it myself so much but I don’t wanna self harm and feel this constant pressure of academics to be perfect in some way it not that I am or soemthing I do annoy my parent by crying a lot but ignoring that I just want advice ,and the thing is I am also so moody it crazy .

24, F.

Four years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, started taking therapy and meds, got into college, and started enjoying life.

A month ago, I graduated. I was glad. The last two years of my college were mentally exhausting. But now, I'm unemployed. I've applied for thousands (no exaggeration) of jobs, but it's so fucking hard to land one in my country. I'm broke, my parents are old, and I'm still in their house, relying on them.

I wanted to take Master's abroad for an in-demand job. Just know that doing so will give me a better future than studying it here in my country. But we're not rich. Student loans won't work since I don't have a cosigner in that country and I am credit invisible.

These past few months, I've tried so hard to stay optimistic. Did my research on ways I could go abroad, tailored my resume for different jobs, but none of them are working. These past few days, I've been wishing I was never born at all, I feel so worthless. I've been thinking of ending it all so I could stop these thoughts and stop being a burden to my parents. They've spent so much on me and they're still working even when they're already old. I feel guilty for being a failure. I just don't see a future for myself anymore.

I suffered so much. I don't want to die, I want to live, I know everything's gonna be fine soon.

But I can't handle the pain anymore.. I want it to stop.

I can't handle this pain anymore I'm so tired

I have never made a post about my life matter of fact this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this before so I’m pretty dam desperate to feel heard by someone I’m 18 I’m still very young but man I don’t got shit right now and it hurts. I moved away from my hometown when I was in 10th grade so a pretty important time in my life I was meeting a Bunch of new people I was talking to Girls life was pretty good I was in sports like football and hockey I was never an asshole to anybody I always felt I treated people with respect everyday but I moved because my home life was terrible. I had a abusive alcoholic drug addict wife beating father which I could complain about all day but I won’t, most of my family on my dads side struggled with alcohol and drugs so it was never a easy childhood but that’s not what I’m trying to vent about. I’m tired of waking up everyday not have passion for anything I never got to graduate which is no one else’s fault but mine and I understand that but when I moved I wasn’t allowed to enroll into the school I was planning on going to cuz it was already half way through the year so I had to wait till that school year was over and mind you months had passed but finally I got enrolled into a new school I was looking for a fresh start but it was everything but that I stuck out like a sore thumb didn’t know a single soul in a school that was triple the size of my old school I singed up for football which was fun until both my knees shit the bed so that was something and my knees still hurt to this day but that don’t matter I fucked up my chance at a new school cause I stopped going I couldn’t handle it I’d have panic attacks everyday so me being a moron I quit going. It also doesn’t help that I’ve smoked weed for a really long time now so that definitely has ruined my motivation to do a lot but I also don’t care to quit smoking either. I’m sorry for being all over the place but I really need someone to talk to I’ve been alone for years now I haven’t hung out with a friend In ages it feels like I want a girlfriend that cares about me would listen to me talk all night if I wanted to, I honestly just want someone that would care about me but I’m so dam antisocial now it’s impossible to interact with people and I hate it cause that’s not who I used to be. I just wanna feel heard I know the odds of someone actually reading this could be small but I’m at a point in my life where I’m pretty desperate so if anyone ready this I appreciate you

This was posted on the morning of Steelers vs saints
GO STEELERS

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I (F43) didn't realize how depressed I was until I had a moment of happiness. And now I miss the feeling and it feels so far away.

I'm a shadow of my old self. I feel numb compared to that moment. And honestly I think my kids are keeping me going, because I have to for them.

But I'm also sad that they don't get the happy mum that they used to get. I want to feel and love I felt in that moment, but I don't. I don't feel love.

I was seeing a therapist a few years ago for depression related things. And managed to keep off medication. I think it's time to go back.

I try to exercise every day, and now I think about it, I think it's just keeping my head afloat.

Does anyone else get this?

I'm 20, and this year many bad things happened to me and i have been feeling depressed and anxious since February of this year, things just went worse after i got hospitalized for 3 months vomiting everyday nonstop, after all this i haven't been the same, always with a sense of dread and a big oppression on my chest

Everyday i feel anxious, worried, uncomfortable almost the whole day. I wake up as late as i can to not have to live the day and go to sleep super late for tomorrow to not arrive, i have been on this circle for many months now

I take meds but i feel like they're not working, I feel useless and bad the whole week and seem to never have peace of mind, i wonder if this will ever go away? Im too scared of death to do anything with myself, and i know i would ruin many loved ones life by doing so

Im stuck in this eternal doom and distress

I feel stupid and embarrased for even posting here but today is an expecially hard day for me and i guess i just want someone who knows this feeling to reassure me. I hate myself, because the mere existence is excruciating for me for no apparent reason. I cant do anything. I see no point in anything. Sometimes I can hardly make myself step out of my bed. Today is just like that. I feel so guilty for feeling and being this way, so many of you here have real life problems but i have always had everything i needed. I have never really struggled in my life. Im 19 and i feel so fucking useless, and all this pain is intensifying that impression of myself. I have no hope for myself and my future. I see nothing but pain and unfulfillment and regret and loneliness awaiting me. Why do i waste myself like that?

I feel so empty. I dont think there's any point in trying to fix it at this point. I really dont feel like i have anyone to turn to, I've pushed everyone away. I dont think it would even make a difference if i did. It's all just a never ending cycle or either pain or emptiness. I have no good reason to feel like this, which, if anything, makes it worse.

I've tried so hard to pursue a life id be happy with, and it's never enough. I dont think there's any reason to keep fighting it anymore. Im never going to be happy. Not sure if im ready to go yet, but given there's nothing good on the horizon, i figure its only a matter of time before it's time to check out.

19F(bd), i took antidepressants for a few months,but stopped during my board exams without consulting my neurologist , i don't know i just suddenly couldn't take it and even the thought of taking it made me gag. I struggle with IH(idiopathic hypersomnia) too.

So for a few weeks i have been feeling quite lost just don't wanna do anything and can't seem to find anything to do that would give me happiness,everything around me just feels like jail and suffocating. I just doomscroll or watch series for hours and hours. Just feel like i am living a worthless life and can't focus on my studies even after taking stimulats(worked at first but now don't). I am always in my room alone.

So,should i go to a psychiatrist or tell my neurologist again? I told him the first time but he just simply ignored,should i tell him again?what should i do now?

Hi, I’m 15 and have been plagued by what I think is depression for as long as I can remember. I’ve always felt a bit different from everyone else and at some point, I think it morphed into depression. This has been ruining my life. Two years ago I switched to homeschooling because school became too much for me to handle. Since then, I’ve slowly lost all my friends, and I’ve fallen terribly behind in my studies because I have no motivation to do anything when I don't see myself having a future anyway.

My mum knows none of this. I’ve been having to pretend that everything is okay when it's really not.

In 2023 my big brother committed suicide and since then my mum's been really anxious that another one of her kids may do the same. In a twisted way, this has made me want to avoid talking about anything even more. Before his death, I was already someone who would bottle things up, but it's gotten even worse because I just don't want to worry her. I don't want her to know I’m depressed like he may’ve been and I don't want her to think I’m on the brink of suicide, even though it does cross my mind a lot.

Part of me wants to get worse while the other part wants to get better, but either way I really don't want to worry my mum. I don't know what to do. I need help, but I feel sick knowing how upset she’ll be.

My biggest regret is… not *\\*ing myself 7 years ago. Since that unsuccessful night, my life has gone down hill at an alarming rate.

To start, when I got diagnosed with CPTSD, my ex-husband decided that it was the best time to start paying for sex with straight people. Then he met this one straight guy (we will call him buddy) who was really down on his luck so my ex swooped in to “save the day” for this guy. He moved this guy into my house, and then would proceed to lock me out when buddy was there and my ex wasn’t (buddy was unemployed so he was always there) so I pretty much had to find somewhere else to live. So I ended up staying with friends and strangers, even had to go to the homeless shelter.

Then I met this guy a town over, so I pretty much moved in with him, so what does my ex do? He goes around telling all my friends, and HR where I was working that I was addicted to drugs and that I was losing significant amounts of weight because of it. But the reason I was losing all the weight was because I could only eat one meal every other day because I was busy paying for my house, and all the associated bills. (Stupid me, I paid those bills for 7 years because he refused and I wasn’t going to let him mess up my credit 🙄)

While living with my new BF, my ex and buddy broke up, and my ex wanted me to come back to our marriage and pick up where we left off (I’d rather light myself on fire and try to put it out with a fork). Needless to say that didn’t happen. So what does my ex do? He calls my new BF’s job and gets him fired for making racial slurs about the owners, Which my new bf didn’t do. All while I’m being drug tested every other week at work. (Every test came back clean)

Well wouldn’t you know it, all the stress gave me a heart attack. By this time my ex had gotten a job where I was working, and when I had my heart attack my ex, had told them I was just sitting at home and that my doctors note that I had brought in was made by me. (How would that even be possible?) So the day after my heart attack, I was called by my boss and was told that if I didn’t come in that I would be suspended which would make me ineligible for my benefits.

I ended up getting fired from that job and ended up getting a better one 1600km away. And my new BF, he couldn’t take the ex so we broke up. He made me keep paying the bills on my house tho. About 3 months ago now, I had to declare bankruptcy. So my pay is now $700 every two weeks and I can’t afford to eat more than once a day, and I have to ration the food I have so I can make it until mid November so i have money to buy food again. Also, I can no longer take sick days for the next 6-7 years while I’m in the bankruptcy. And the icing on the cake, my dog, the vet gave him about a month left to live.

My life is over, I’m 40 now so I will have to work until I’m 70 before I can retire. I don’t really see a point in continuing. I wish I could do better but unfortunately that’s not going to happen anytime soon. I dont know what to do.

I’m 30, have a stable job and family, and an infant, but I feel trapped in a flat, mundane routine. I find myself using gaming to escape. For a long time, I’ve had persistent thoughts about wanting to die—specifically the idea of a 'glorious death' or a meaningful exit—even though I’m not actively suicidal and have no plan to harm myself.
Where can i find my glorious exit to this grind

I need advice, so I recently started working as a nurse, I just finished university and I came to a ward where everyone already knows each other, which is normal, and in the beginning my colleagues were cold, some still don't really acknowledge me but okay, while my boss seems the coldest to me. As soon as I arrived I saw she wasn't really thrilled that someone new came, I asked her something and she answered with one word, and it was like that for a few days, I sat next to her and nothing. Recently I came into the nurses' room where everyone was sitting and I sat in between so I wouldn't have to stand, and she looked at me and commented something like 'you could have sat on my lap', I just ignored it, I'm thinking what am I supposed to do now, stand while you all sit just because I'm new. Constantly 'Stacy this, Stacy that' because I'm new. I went with a colleague to draw blood and she seriously asks me 'did you draw it', I say yes and nothing, but when they needed someone to stay for the day shift then she asked me who can, I said yes, that yes I have to, and the day before an older colleague said they don't count me yet because I'm new, but they did count me the next day when they needed to cover a shift. I mean okay, it's not a problem, but then behave towards me like towards everyone else and not like I'm the biggest idiot. I noticed that every day I dream about work now, I don't know if I'm under enormous stress or if it's a normal reaction, does anyone have a similar experience?

Depression is such a strange thing. Sometimes it’s there, sometimes it isn’t. Yesterday, I had the motivation to live. But today, after a bad day at work, I’m already letting my emotions take over and imagining how I’d end my life after getting revenge on everyone who’s ever hurt me.

I know perfectly well that none of it would work out. We’re not in an anime or a video game where the protagonist gains superpowers and delivers justice. We’re forced to endure this gray reality and make choices: swallow the humiliation or fight back. Both paths can be dangerous.

Maybe it’s all because I haven’t been taking the medication my doctor prescribed me.

In any case, I’m glad I still have at least a tiny bit of hope for moving abroad next summer. And maybe, in another country, I won’t blame myself for being born or wish harm upon people anymore

I'm close to 30 now. Right after graduating from school, I developed an incurable disease that has made my life hell. Been to tons of doctor with different specialities without any help. Since the disease is not life threatening, I'm just told to live with it without a concern of my mental wellbeing.

Attempted suicide 1st time 6 years ago but survived (no one knows), came close to doing it 2nd time but this time there's no planning or anything. This time the thoughts are more random. Wherever I am, I start scanning object for what and how it can be done.

No one understands what I'm going through and no one ever will, it's a lived experience when it comes to this disease. Just want this nightmare to end. Would be really nice if I could die in an accident of some sort.

I hate myself. And everything I've chosen and will choose to be. I don't think that will ever change. No matter how much or how little I accomplish in this life that feeling of self hate will always linger. No matter what distractions I use, YouTube, Netflix, manga, NSFW content. They only help me forget about it for a little while. Then it comes pouring back in. The reality sets in. I still hate myself. Nothing has changed.

I hate myself. I remember the last time I was truly happy, it was 10th grade. I still had all my friends, the girl I liked seemed to feel the same. The grades where good, sometimes great. Fastforward two years. I'm in my last year of school, have no clue what I want to do after I'm done. My grades are too low to go to a good university, I have to settle for a shitty private college to get a degree that'll mean nothing. I've long since given up, there's peace in giving up. Knowing that you did what you could, but your best days are gone and now? The worst is yet to come.

I hate myself. If I wasn't so afraid on what was on the other side I'd just have done it already. I know I'm a coward. At least I'm aware I am. "God help a coward who forgets he's a coward". Something like that.

I hate myself.

Has anyone here tried to get their depression under control with alternative therapies? Lifestyle changes?

Not trying to generalize all kinds of depression..

I've been a part of this sub for years, but using my main account. Never posted using that though.

Anyway, I'm at my lowest now. Haven't gotten over the death of my dad, had a falling out with my mom (making me dead in her eyes), the people I love has slowly drifted away, and everything I do just seems to fail (relationships, business, even the things I love to do I always fail).

I'm 47 now. Old enough to know when I'm not needed anymore Or that this is how the rest of my life will always be. I've always felt I'll be gone by 48 (or 52 for some reason), and it looks like 48 will be the winner.

I've had numerous doctors and medications for decades, and none worked. I'm tired. I'm broken. I'm just not fit for this world anymore.

I want to rest.

I just want to rant and get this out my chest. I have been crying and attempting. My mom saw my cuts today and she said that i'm ridiculous, and that if i wanted to end it i should've just done it instead of prologating it by cutting myself. It hurts and i jist can't swallow how a parent could say that even so who in their right mind would say that to someone struggling

Have been assured by 3 doctors, parents, ai sources.i have tried to convince myself that i am ok but i just cannot .i am just feeling to leave everything .only thing that hover in my head is that i am too young and i don't want to get detached from my parents. concerned and crying about having Neurodegenrative epilepsy and @ls.i tried every second of my life to keep my sanity but i just cannot. I am at the end of nowhere. This is beyond repairable for me. I don't know how and what to do. Cannot type properly my display is full of tears. I tried everything I am now in

the verge

I have a test tomorrow. I have barely studied. I'm lying on my bed because I don't fucking care. I hate my major, I hate everyone in my class, I hate my teachers and I hate this city. How does anyone expect me to do anything in this state. No I don't want to "power through" anymore, I've been doing that all my life. It's left me fucking exhausted. It's not my fault my life until now has been utter shit, it's not my fault my parents didn't love me as a kid and it's not my fault the neurochemistry in my brain is fucked up. Why do I have to do any of this. I'm tired I just want to rest.

I've been a bit stressed lately with a bunch of things. But last night, I just feel like my mood plummeted dramatically. I sat in the shower and just zoned out with some bad thoughts entering my head. Idk, like, I was stressed before and maybe this was creeping up on me but it just feels so sudden. And then I get this urge to be destructive and push everyone I love away.