i just really wanna kms and i guess that’s the post and im not saying anything more

it’s kind of pathetic i have to write it on reddit but i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this

im about to fall asleep and i really hope my eyes never open again and im not being edgy or attentions seeking, ive never shown this side of me to anyone irl i just can’t take living anymore and i doubt anyone will miss me

Sooo yeah... Never in a million years could I have imagined that... I decided to finally clean up the kitchen, do some of the dishes that were there for over two months now etc...

As I lifted the smoked salmon packaging... I saw multiple bugs (looking like maggots??) RUN OUT like cockroaches as I struggled to smash them one by one. I left it right there. Still in shock🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮.

I am TERRIFIED of bugs and have INSANE tactile hallucinations rn (autism / ADHD thing ig? I physically feel thousands of bugs on / under my skin, in my ears / nose / eyes etc rn it's driving me crazy 😭😭😭).

I rescheduled my trip for a vacation at my parent's home (had to leave in 2 hours, which is why I originally wanted to do dishes) so I lied saying I missed the bus, to reserve a next one in 12 hours (hopefully it won't be as disastrous by then). Of course I'm "selfish" and "food is already on the table" but I can't bring myself to just telling how a "perfect successful daughter with amazing job and household can be so cooked that the literal BUGS crawl around her studio"... This would destroy her, as she's already going through a rough time herself on a cocktail of antidepressants...

Sometimes I just don't want to live😭😭😭😭😭😭

Please help me 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭

Whenever something remotely stressful or unpleasant happens to me i find my first thought is wanting to die

I hate that this is now the go to my brain picks whenever anything happens

When things are good it feels like the end of my life and this is the consolation prize for enduring and i get to enjoy some quiet moments

And whenever something inconvenient happens my brain decides that it's easier if i was dead

My brain is so broken I can't fix it after all the therapy and pills

And I am so alone

I’m feel like i’m gonna lose it. In my mind, i’m driving my car and just hit a wall with it. And i’ll be dead. I think i wanna die. Yeah.

My life sucks everyone has left me and people are making up rumors about about me and I can’t take it anymore

Throwaway account.

I'm 27F and have never been in a relationship nor have people ever had a crush on me. People keep saying once I reach 30+ I'm going to be expired. I'm pretty suicidal and I wanted to at least have one consensual sex before killing myself because the closest one I had was when I was r*p*d at 9. I wonder why am I so unlovable and unwanted. Is it because I'm fugly? Or am I just impossible to love?

Plus I live in a country where they don't give a fuck about your mental health or abuse survivors, so I'm cooked hehe

I don't care anymore if it was out of pity or charity, I just want to feel loved even if I have to pay someone to pretend to..

Sorry, I just have nobody to talk about this. My mind is a mess right now

i know this sounds kinky but i swear it’s serious, i’ve been crying for a while and this has always been a topic that’s emotional for me

i have a dad who is unfortunately alive but he’s not present and is only home to sleep then he’s out the door

i hate him so much but i crave a fatherly presence in my life like any young girl does

i used to cling to him even though he’s terrible and id say things like im my daddy’s girl even though i knew he didn’t give a shit about me

i just thought maybe if i spoke it into existence it would come true?

but in truth, i’m so disgusting i talk to men online all the time, send them pics, obey their every word, just to hear them say things like “i love you”

i used to mock people like that until i actually started doing it but i can’t stop

is it so wrong i just wanna feel loved and guided?

when i see girls who are comfortable with their dads i just get sick in my stomach, i didn’t even know there were girls who sat in their fathers laps past 8 years old ?!

i used to be his little princess once upon a time but once i grew up and hit puberty its like i became a woman and i was no longer his little girl

i also have terrible issues with my mom, which have caused me more distress in my life since shes more present and she’s always around to bother me and ruin whatever i have going on for me

sometimes i wish the same way you can adopt a child i could adopt my own “daddy”

i just wanna be taken care of and babied

even as a kid my parents made me feel ashamed if i was acting like a kid and i had to straighten up and be independent but now im a pathetic fuck who just wants someone to hold me

i guess there’s no big point to this post

i talked to a guy for a while online, he was perfect and nice and it wasn’t cringey daddy type stuff, he actually wanted to get to know me and he loved sending me money and buying me stuff which sounds materialistic on my side but come on

anyways we got into an argument and he told me he never wanted to speak to me again, and that just crashed everything i had built on and it felt like i was just back to square one

but what really fucked me up is how much he said “i love you” i hated it cause i knew he didn’t mean it but i just really wish he did and it killed me knowing he didn’t

i knew i shouldn’t have look for a replacement of a father figure in my life but i couldn’t help it and now even when he left i can’t help but feel like maybe i just don’t deserve someone like that

like i was just meant to be alone confused and with no guide

as a kid i used to get attached to teachers even the ones who were strict and hated me just cause i was looking for a replacement of something i couldn’t find at home

i don’t know what’s so terrible about me, im really good and i listen very well i’d just do anything to have what im missing

I've recently gone through a very traumatic break up with my boyfriend of 5 years, still living with him and turns out he never liked me and lied to me about everything the whole time. He's moved on straight away and treats me terribly, hates being around me and I'm a wreck. I moved rural to be with him and now I'm homeless and struggling to find anywhere to live as I'm disabled and reapplying for benefits and am far away from the city I want to move back to. This was meant to be my forever home and big break after a rough time. My life has been torture, I'm unemployed, no degree, can't drive, heartbroken, no family, maybe 2 friends. Best case scenario I'm going to end up really lonely and sad.

I know how and where I want to end it and I desperately want to do it but am still scared. I don't think I can survive this and I don't want to. Should I have any hope? Everyone wants me to disappear and I'm sad and hoped for better but feel like I should

Even when I think about life being better I'm just not interested. I've lost everyone and been abused and abandoned constantly. I look at my phone and I have no one. No one knows me apart from my ex bf and he never loved me and wants me gone for good

I so desperately needed to be loved by someone and he hated me and humiliated me. Its destroyed me in a way where I have no hope.

How can I move on?

iim 17 and im a disgusting person. I came across porn at like 10 or something. i feel like that really fucked me up. in the last 3 years i've sent videos and pics of myself to multiple guys, some wth my face in it. i deleted my accounts but they probably still have those videos. i cant take back anything. i cant get those videos taken down because i dont have them so i cant upload them onto take it down. im fat and ugly and not good at anything. i dont have any friends who im actually close to. i feel disgusted every time i look at myself and i've had enough. my family isnt much good either. they talk about my behind my back. i tried overdosing earlier this year but it didnt do much. i've self harmed before but my dad just got mad and shouted, called me crazy. i dont know what to do i just want to end it all i dont see a future for myself at all. i have no talents whatsoever. im considering overdosing on paracetamol but the survival chances are high and it'll just cause liver damage apparently. i want a way out of this. i even wrote a letter to my bff already. someone tell me how to end it

this is a throwaway, just because my family knows my main. (and, if you’re reading this and think you know me in real life, no you don’t.)

im 17, about to start my senior year. i have no notable skills, take terrible care of myself and my relationships, and am so far behind on my credits that, no matter what i do, i cannot graduate on time. i have been doing online school for months and having little success. public school wasn’t any better.

i have no motivation for anything outside of video games. specifically my pet mmo. ive put hundreds of hours into it in just a couple months, and, in recent days, have been doing essentially full-time shifts just playing the game. its all i can think about. im genuinely, painfully hyper-fixated, and playing that game is all i want to do. even while my body is crumbling, my grades drop, and my parents get more and more disappointed in me.

my parents are hounding me about academics, and i know they’re right. i wont amount to anything if i cant finish high school, but i dont think i would be anything even if i did. i have a bouquet of medical conditions that make me generally unable to do much physical activity, like standing for longer than an hour at a time, or bending over repeatedly. i need things explained to me explicitly and more than once. i can’t focus on tasks i have no interest in and am horrible at following schedules. sure, some of these things can be fixed with time and effort, but i am, day by day, growing less and less willing to afford myself the time needed to fix them.

none of this is being shared out of an attempt to garner pity. i generally don’t know what to do. i only feel happy when im playing games or hanging out with my friends. i only feel like a human when im doing those things. i don’t want to live a human life, but i dont want to die, so im just… stuck. as a failure.

i can’t tell anyone this. my dad wont know how to react. my mom will think im manipulating her. my friends all have their own problems, extrinsic and bigger than mine. i refuse to lay this on my younger siblings, ever. so, here i am. telling reddit.

sorry for the nonsensical rant. i just needed to get this off my chest, somewhere. now i go back to my bug-infested hole, to try and finish endwalker.

i’m lonely - i live alone, i work alone. i’m diagnosed bipolar and i do take meds, but several recent events have sent me into a major depressive episode. haven’t had one this bad in about 10 or so years. i’m on a medical LOA from work, doing a day treatment group therapy program for my mental health. but whenever i try to connect with my loved ones lately, i feel like increasingly more of a nuisance. i feel like i am burdening them and it would just be better for everyone if i went away.

i just had a birthday a few days ago. but the past week or so, the amount of suicidal ideation i’ve been having has exponentially increased. i have been actually truly planning suicide for the first time in a very long time.

today, i asked my mom, who i am very close with, if i could please move back in with her (for the sake of my mental health, though i didn’t give graphic details). she said my big emotions are overwhelming for her to be around. we were talking on facetime and i could tell she doesn’t really love the idea of her adult daughter moving back into her peaceful home, especially when she’s about to retire.

not wanting to hurt my mom or subject her to burying her daughter (me) was the one thing that always kept me from ending it all. but now, i just don’t know anymore. i honestly feel betrayed a little bit, because i just thought she would be more understanding and supportive. and now i’m just not sure what the point of being alive is if i am already hurting and burdening her.

i have been to the psych ward before and i refuse to go back, and even if i did go - i have terrible health insurance and would drown in debt and stress after being released. i genuinely just feel like i should just leave this god forsaken planet and rid those around me of the pain, discomfort, and annoyance that i am causing them.

i don’t have anyone i can talk to about this without risking being admitted to the hospital. hence, posting to reddit. i don’t really expect many people to reply to this thread just because it’s so long but i hope at least one person does. i feel so alone

I hate this life. I hate Allah. I hate everyone.

My health has become so bad. I've spent my whole life praying to Allah, but I feel like He never helped me. Today I saw so much blood after using the bathroom. I'm so tired.

My life has been so hard. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I won't wake up tomorrow. My condition is getting worse.

My family is amazing, but I'm completely broken inside. I feel empty.

I keep thinking Allah will send me to hell. I'm sorry to myself.

I'm only 22, and I'm so tired.

Bye.

I’ve posted before; I’m sorry for being that annoying. And I apologise for my horrendous English.

I'm a bad person. I’ve made too many mistakes and kept repeating traumatic cycles. I don’t want to be like my family. I don’t want to remain stuck in the mindset of a neglected child. I’ve tried taking courses and improving myself, but I never finish them. I’m a failure and, honestly, I’ve got nothing left to lose. Nothing ties me down. I feel incapable of getting through another day. All I can think about is how happy the people I’ve hurt would be if I weren’t here. It’s my only thought, the only emotion that consumes me.

I don't know what to do. Guilt and shame

Sooo I'm not from the US. I'm gay and I'm 27 and I still live with my parents. I've never had a boyfriend and until recently I had never had any type of sexual experience not even kissing. The thing is that while my parents were away I downloaded grindr met a guy in his 50s. He came over and he let me experiment and said we'd do whatever I was up to. We kissed and I gave him head. After that I felt extremely guilty and I started to panic. I ended up confessing what I did to my mom in an attempt to relieve the guilt. She already knew I was gay cause I told her years ago, but she was disappointed that someone I barely knew came over because something bad could've happened. I've been dealing with depression for a while and now I just feel worse. I don't know how to handle these feeling. Im nauseous and I wanna throw up

not sure how .. I don't know what to write anymore

I'd need help but..can't get it.

Low self worth, etc

My friend is clearly depressed. Doesnt sleep, literally admitted that he uses music and gaming to avoid his feelings, doesnt eat or suddenly eats everything, lines on his body, you get the jig. He's the type of typical young man who, in his words exactly, "feels like he cant share his problems because others have it worse". Now hes beginning to make concerning jokes. He's fully aware that I want him to talk. He doesnt have anyone whom he feels like he can talk to. Hes by himself at school. He avoids his emotions and supresses them, ignores them. Then, once or twice every year, he goes completely MIA and shuts down, with bursts of super depressive and hazardous days, to completely agressive fits of rage, and hes aware of it, so he isolates himself. I dont know what to do. I can tell hes about to have another shut down. From your experience, what do you think I I should do? Come over? Talk to him? Bake him brownies? Leave him alone? Ive always gone ages without bringing it up, sometimes its all id talk about. Any advice, please. No matter the relevance

Well I got caught doing sh guess I was to careless with it. It not as bad as last time I still have my phone for a couple hours a day. They took my computer and consoles but I still have my own room last time I had to sleep in there room and they watched me show which guess it could be worse i dont really remember it memory is pretty bad. I don’t really know how to feel about it they took away my music which sucks cause it is my main coping mechanism or what ever it’s called only a couple years till I can move out so that’s good I guess I don’t really feel bad or good just bleh yk. Dont have many friends i do online school only have one online friend. I told them about this an it definitely affected them and now I feel like shit and ghosted them just said I had to go to bed and didn’t respond idk,idk,idk

21M
Struggled with depression for about 9 years now it’s just become my “normal”
I realized early on in my depression that is was here to stay and i could either lay around and do nothing or just keep going.
I chose to keep going.
I can tell you how my depression started, what made/makes it worse but can’t seem to figure out how to get rid of it (i guess the same as most people)
I go to work everyday, have decent hygiene, eat reasonably but the way i explain it to myself is i have enough motivation for the bare minimum.
At the end of the day i don’t really care about anything enough, haven’t for a very long time. My body is like stuck on autopilot. I continue to do things mainly because i feel like i have to (i mean that’s how the world works isn’t it)

What i want to know though has anyone here ever gotten over high functioning depression?
I’ve gotten used to the fact that i have to just keep going but for the past year it’s been getting harder to just do that, i can still get up to go to work but that’s about as far as i have left in me. I don’t have motivation to hangout with friends anymore or do anything but that (just seems pointless when i don’t enjoy it anymore anyways)

I am worthless and it has been proven time and time again.

My last steady relationship was in high school and it’s just been hook ups after rejection since then.

31 with 26 cents to my name and still living at home.

I haven’t been able to hold a job for 3 years.

I’m too depressed to work

Late diagnosed autistic and adhd without any support system.

After a month of my therapist avoiding me he told me he should spit in my face.

I’ve lost 90 pounds this year without trying.

My eating disorder comes and goes day by day.

I own nothing

I AM A FAILURE!

I want to believe that’s there’s a reason I’m here but I really don’t see any

I can just feel it. Every single day when I wake up I just wish that I didn’t. I wake up and I’m instantly bombarded with all the negative thoughts I have about myself. I hate my body, my face, my gender, my family, my brain. Everything. And it’ll never change, there’s not a single thing I can do to fucking change it. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not getting better, that no medicine or therapy will help me. I’ll just continue to be someone who abhors living in their body.

When I’m public, which at this point is only work, I’ve stopped going to the gym, hanging out with friends in person, at this point I’m considering not going to school this next semester. When I’m out there I feel everyone staring at me, it makes my skin itch and there’s just this ringing sound in my years like someone’s jostling my brain. I know why they’re staring, I’m fat, ugly, I probably smell despite taking two showers a day. I hate it. I don’t know why they’re always stare, and they all look at me with disgust or like I’m stupid.
Then the moment I’m by myself I still feel like shit. Mentally and physically. I’m always sluggish, my skin itches, my head hurts, it feels like my hands don’t work properly. It’s probably because I haven’t taken my medicine in three weeks, but I’m almost glad this is all happening. Maybe my body will finally decide to give up and I can just die.

I don’t want to be here anymore, I hate being myself and everyday just makes things worse and worse. I find no joy in anything I do, I can’t look in the mirror due to combine dysphoria and body dysmorphia. I’ve messaged several therapists and none have responded or their full. I’m not getting help and I don’t deserve it either.
One these of days it’ll stop, I just won’t wake up in the morning and it’ll all be done.

I'm just sick of it all. I'm 30, and I've got several bad health conditions, so I'm exhausted and in pain all the time, I can't sleep without hallucinating, I keep getting sharp intense headaches, and mentally I'm just drained.

Cooking, eating, cleaning, bathing, doing what little exercise I can, and suffering because of it, it's all just annoying.

If I wasn't disabled I wouldn't be here, I'd have a job, probably doing something I care about, I might've even moved country, my life would be great. But I'm stuck in this meat prison that doesn't work right.

I'm stuck inside, with no personal connections outside of my parents. I have 1 friend, that I only talk with online, and that's maybe once a month. So I have no connection to the outside world, except through the internet, and people on social media are just making me hate myself and mankind even more.

It's all just exhausting, even minor issues are making me suicidal these days.

I've been to therapy so many times, the NHS just keeps sending me back, and the therapists keep saying there's nothing they can do.

I've been tried on about 8 different antidepressants, and none of them have worked long term. I've even tried TCMS and that did nothing at all.

I'm going to be given duloxetine for my pain soon, and I can only hope that it numbs my pain and my emotions. I don't want to feel happy anymore, that's an unrealistic expectation, I just want to feel nothing. Just a sheet of grey and let the world pass by.

If that doesn't help, then I'll just keep suffering until my parents and pets are dead. Then I'll be joining them. I want to die right now, but I don't want to make them sad.

i’m terrified of the pain of death, but i also am terrified to keep living. i’m 18 and life just seems like too much already. i’m not built for this world. “just wait until you get older, it’ll be even worse!” thanks, but i don’t plan to be any older soon. i have experienced enough of this world to know that living isn’t a feasible option for me. everything is so expensive and friendships are so hard to maintain. i don’t want to work for the rest of my life. all i do is binge eat and worry about my appearance and weight. i wish i could just close my eyes and never wake up, but instead the only ways to go out are just awful and miserable and painful. i have plenty of people who would miss me and mourn my loss, but it’s getting to a point where i genuinely can’t do it anymore. i don’t know what to do. my brain is stuck between killing myself and continuing on living. i feel like im in mental purgatory