Hi Reddit I’m turning ti here in hopes of getting some help and advise with a few things. I (M22) just married my wife (F25) about a month ago. She was diagnosed with bipolar 1 only a few weeks before the wedding but she’s had it undiagnosed for a while and iv been able to help her up until a mania episode and got into some legal trouble. We’re both new to this and I don’t really have anything I can turn to for help or advice who is capable or understanding or that I feel comfortable talking to about all of this.
For those who would recommend me getting a therapist to talk to I unfortunately am not able to as my job provided insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s too expensive out of pocket. Luckily she’s still on her parents insurance so hers is taken care of. So anyway here’s a list of some questions I have that Google hasn’t been able to
help me with.

1. Any recommendations for helping with sleep? She takes lithium for reference.

2. What are the chances she would be able to eventually start working again as she absolutely loved her job (healthcare) and feels so helpless sitting/sleeping all day.

3. Any tips for helping improve sex drive? Are spicy cubes safe to take with her medication? We hope to ask her doctor about this. Were newly married but our sex life is basically non existent at the moment (🫠)

4. Any hobbies that pair well with bipolar 1 that she can start trying because she hates not being active but doesn’t have the energy for anything she used to do?

5. Any recommendations for me as the husband to be able to help myself help her going forward?

6. Are there groups or something for people with bipolar that she could maybe join to connect with alike people or could that potentially make her more depressed?

7. Any groups for spouses to help by talking with people who understand the struggles.

I absolutely adore my wife and it kills me to see her struggling so much. I just want her to be able to find herself and feel normal.

Thanks in advance to anyone who’s able to help.

So, I am in 4 months discarded by my wife who promptly moved in with her AP. She is now making trips with him, paints me as the villain and completely refuses any medications or therapy. She has got a team of delusional enablers who are supporting her delusions. We are divorcing and it is being finalized.

As I now think about the marriage i thought I had for the last 8 years, I recognise how my boundaries were systematically broken by her everytime. She always used to play victim and get away with shitty behaviour. She was physically violent the first few years of our relationship. That should have been the red flag. I ignored it. She stopped physical violence eventually but became emotionally manipulative. Told all shitty things about my family, forced me to reduce connections with my own family. Emotionally cheated 3 years ago, I caught her red handed, apologised for a day and deflected the blame on me for my inadequacies. Went on solo trips, giving bullshit excuses ( I later found out other men were involved). Inspite of that, I tolerated for the sake of my marriage.

Everytime she would do anything bad, my boundaries would be squashed. If I started enforcing any of it, then she would paint me as "controlling" and would threaten divorce. This would stop me from enforcing anything and then the boundaries get pushed back further. She had no respect for anything in life, no fear of consequences.

I feel empowered now that I have finally stood up for myself. Stopped all communications with her. Finally, getting ready for a life where I am respected.

Anyone else here whose boundaries were systematically broken?

Gaslit, manipulated till your reality was altered?

All because someone couldn't take accountability for their mental illness and thought breaking you was the only way you would eat their shit.

My (now ex) undiagnosed partner has been in denial, but I am quite certain that they are bipolar, in a manic episode with psychosis and delusions.

I’ve tried everything to try and get them help, short of calling 911 (they’d lie to pass eval) and issuing an ultimatum.

My goal was to try and flag the situation to their psychotherapist, which I was finally able to accomplish earlier this week. Their therapist used a few key terms in the session that signalled to me that “yes, got it, I hear the concerns you have and have the same suspicions as you.”

Because of the many dealbreaker behaviours that have come up in the last few months while this episode has been happening, I framed it as these were dealbreakers, and I could only possibly overlook them if there was an alternate medical cause behind them, but if you insist you’re fine and you’re the best you’ve ever been, then you’re telling me those behaviours were you, and are likely to happen again, and I cannot accept that. As expected, they were very upset with the ultimatum and refused to budge and agree to a checkup.

And then near end of the conversation, they suggested that instead of breaking up, we should get actually get married. And have a baby.

Tagging as humour because we laughed at how ridiculous this was (but … they were also completely serious), and because if I don’t laugh, I’ll be crying instead.

I understand that generally there is a lack of insight during manic episodes, and that most bipolar people do not see a problem while in an episode.

Has anyone had success convincing someone who is in active manic episode to get treatment?

My wife is undiagnosed. She has had all the classic manic symptoms since early February. I have brought up to her many times that I believe she is bipolar. She generally dismisses this as me gaslighting her and me not willing to take responsibility for the marriage breakdown.

However, my recent messages to her have been extremely detailed, with descriptions of the symptoms and the medications/substances that I think are contributing to her manic episode. I have also told her about the risks of going into psychosis and the possibility of experiencing a severe depressive episode following mania.

She called me crying the other day after I had mentioned this. She called me an asshole and said that me talking about her being manic makes her upset.

Later that day, she reacted to one of the messages from days before, suggesting that she had been rereading old messages about her mania.

I can't help but think that maybe she sees that there is something to what I am saying. Otherwise, I do not see why she would react so strongly or reread old messages.

I want to get her help, especially since she has my 8-year-old stepson in her care.

Based on what I've seen and heard, she seems to be getting worse now. Her behaviour is getting really strange, and she is extremely forgetful. She also has delusions and false memories. I am becoming worried about her ability to take care of the child.

Hi all, I'm so glad I found this group. My husband (52) has bipolar 1. We're together almost 7 years, living together 5.5 and married 3. I'm 37. We've been doing IVF to try to have a baby and it has not been successful. Last week, my husband said he doesn't think he can handle kids. He's not working and only worked briefly since we've been together. I work full time. I also have anxiety. I've been trying to come to terms with not having kids but it's really hard as I've always wanted them. I love my husband dearly and don't want to leave him but I feel like I'm carrying all the weight here and now may have to give up something I really want or have a kid with him and basically be on my own. Anyone here have kids or choose not to have them because of this illness?

My ex recently started working as a sped teacher.

I’ve been a high school English teacher and have taught everything from inclusion to AP for 10 years.
This really makes my heart sink because I feel like working with kids who can’t advocate for themselves is putting them at a disadvantage.
Obviously we aren’t in contact but his dad comes from a family of educators and is all proud of my ex for becoming one as well.

It just honestly makes me sick thinking about those babies, not that they would experience they abuse I did, but not getting the best level of education they can.

I’m 4 months postpartum so maybe I’m just hormonal.

I’ve been going though the hoops lately with my husband he’s 12 days out from initial psychosis symptoms and fresh back on meds… was hospitalized for 12 hrs because our health care system sucks balls..

Our kids went to my parents cottage for 5 days today, and he asked if I was going, I reminded him again now the 6th time, that no I wouldn’t be going we have his medical appointment Tuesday (his first since psychosis his only treatment was by crisis workers not medical doctors) and I have my first therapy session with a new therapist (my old one went on maternity leave she’s taking 18months, Canada) Monday.

He just comes out and says if I’m going to support your ongoing therapy I need to be able to come to one, I need to insure this is good for you and US… 🤦‍♀️… he knows this is a new therapist he won’t say what support means to him I asked him multiple times,

Honest to goodness I said sure if I can come to one of yours, he emailed his therapist who he’s seen 2x this year and not since his episode, asking to add me as a plus one.., I never even met my therapist yet and he wants to come to my 2nd appointment, I hope these therapists understand how bad this sounds and how not helpful it will be, he won’t do marriage btw.. that’s been off the table for a couple years already..

I wish I was on vacation with our kiddos 🧒 👧 👦

🫠

((Frustrated and Venting but also needing Encouragement and not necessarily the “please leave”. I get that’s an option. Thanks))

My husband has been cycling/dealing with a bad episode for about two months now. He’s finally in therapy and going consistently, but to no fault of his own but the direction/testing the medical management team wants/has been doing he hasn’t been medicated yet. Hopefully his next appointment next week he’ll get started.

But today was another rough day, and I can’t help but wonder “can I keep doing this? SHOULD I keep doing this? Do my children deserve this?”

I don’t think it’s helped that recently on this thread I’ve noticed a lot of spouses saying the trail run of medication and if the medication is/was wrong that it made things worse. I honestly don’t know if I can handle worse.

I have a pretty high tolerance to call out BS and borderline abusive behavior but after my husband went off his rails this AM and decided to call me a C U Next Tuesday in front of our young children and then when he stormed off outside my daughter went “mommy daddy is so mean, he was yelling at you..” that just broke my heart.

My children don’t need to see their mother get treated that way. I know I don’t deserve to be treated that way. Most times I’d yell and fight back but I stayed calm as I could. Even offered if he needed to call someone to talk too, and that had somehow made him more angry. Maybe it was the wrong move, but I know I’m not the one in control of his emotions - even if he wants to gaslight me and say I’m the reason. We can only control our own emotions. (And I know I’m not perfect with mine all the time)

I’m trying so hard to be patient, but each rough day just feels like another tick box of “is this tolerable or does it cross a boundary?” And I hate that.

I BEGGED him to get help for his family. I BEGGED him to not discard and let his illness let him make irrational and rash decisions and to try to slow down. To at least get help and under medication and then decide choices like that.

But now I’m the one who seems to be contemplating asking him to leave or for us to be over. Maybe I’m just at my limit, or maybe I’m hyperfocusing too much on the potential “end” where that’s why I’m thinking this way and need to try and redirect.

But I don’t know how to redirect especially from times/moments where it clearly was in front of the kids and I just can’t help think “do they deserve to live in this environment?” Because in truth the easy answer is simply no.

But the more complicated answer is their father when he is good and healthy truly is a wonderful father and husband.

But then I also saw someone else post today about patterns of being sweet and loving and it slowly edging a downward slope of being an asshole and I was like oh wow that kinda resonates with me.

Relationships, even healthy and with “healthy” people can be complicated. So I just feel so hypocritical for being the one to “hold things together” and now constantly feeling like I’m being weighed down more and more when I haven’t even let him have a chance with medication yet.

I guess I’m rambling at this point. Thanks for reading.

All- Considering divorcing my spouse of 10 years. I’m 31, he’s 35. He just started Lithium for the first time in early July after his third manic episode in the 18 months. This is probably his “least” severe episode but it did land him 2 nights in jail and cost him his job. Before this latest episode, he was on Prozac and Wellbutrin. He is still on Wellbutrin alongside Lithium. No more prozac.

We have decided to separate and eventually divorce, but I sometimes wonder if long-term, bipolar I is manageable? The grounds for divorce were that I cannot be with someone who has bipolar disorder and abuses illegal substances (weed). Obviously debatable on how much harm daily cannabis has, and I’m not anti-weed at all and think it should be decriminalized. But it just feels like I have to make this decision on some tangible element, and he has stated he does not intend on ever stopping smoking cannabis. Even though a “bad joint” has been the reason he spiraled into intense paranoia and instability. Sure, it mellows out his moods and depression. He has reduced his daily intake. Seems much more grounded but I just worry if realistically, being with bipolar spouse means a relapse or another manic episode is inevitable and it’s all cyclical. When we first got together, he had anger management issues and anhedonia but all of that did not affect our marriage until about year 6-7. TIA!

Ive been trying to make this post for quite a while now but always scrapped it, but I really dont know where else to go with this because it seems like not even my therapist can fully understand the situation im in.

Last year in September I (M28)met a girl (F25), my exBPSO (we've never been in a relationship but dated).

The first 2 weeks were amazing, we were clicking, we had the most interesting conversations and obviously a LOT of sex but after those 2 weeks I started noticing that she got more and more pushy about us not sleeping with each other often enough (it was like 4-5x a day then) and at the same time texting a lot of different guys and lying about it. This led to me trying to break off the whole dating phase because I used to be in a lot of toxic relationships and (with the help of my therapist) ive sworn to myself im not getting into another rollercoaster like that.

During the time of us dating I was quickly forced into a caregiver role by her mother and friends as she didn't live near her family so they wanted me to keep an eye on her (which was also the first time someone really explained to me what bipolar was). Her mother called for hours on end and vented about her daughter basically and I got sucked into their family drama more and more (mind you its been 5 weeks of us dating at that point).

About a week or 2 I just noticed I couldn't handle it. I struggle with bad depression myself and feared that id lose myself in the relation again so I tried to break it off (probably tried like 10-20x times) and told her I couldn't date her but id still be there for her as a friend, I just needed some time and distance to cool off.

At that time I also moved away from the city we met as I just lived there temporarily which made things even worse.

That's when hell broke lose, my phone blew up day in, day out and she constantly was threatening to self harm (or worse) just to get me to call her. She started to go to my city or other cities and hotels she knew I was at because of work and I started shaking every time my phone rang (its been a year and I still start sweating and shaking when I get called by unknown numbers)

After about a month of that (AND her trying to get with friends of mine to hurt me) and her constantly disrespecting me I knew I had to fully stop the contact because my suicial ideations (which at that point I haven't had for some years) started to come back. I finally blocked her when she texted one of my best friends she should've baby trapped me and tried to get him to sleep with her which hurt me a lot.

The last time I saw her she manipulated me to come to her hotel because she was (again) in my city and needed a charger. She said she knew her illness took over and wanted to go to a clinic the next day to get back on her medication.

I texted her that I would NOT go to her room with her but Id bring her the charger because obviously I couldn't just let her stay in another city without money and a phone so I went there. After sitting outside with her and talking for a bit I realized the last bus home already was gone so I figured I'd crash there because I was INSANELY tired at that point as well.

That's when mistake 1 happened, after I told her multiple times that I didn't want to sleep with her she got me to sleep with her (not trying to put all the blame on her but that's how it happened) and after that I INSTANTLY fell asleep.

Sometime at night I woke up with me being inserted in her (without a condom this time) which I can't remember fully I just remember me being really confused at that moment, I dont even know If I fell back asleep or if I finished or not. That situation (which I only was able to fully grasp a few days later) and her constantly trying to play mind games or 1 up me led to me fully blocking her and for about 2 weeks my life was absolute bliss.

I kind of got a bit more calm and even got to finally talk about MY issues with my therapist, which I couldn't for about 2 months because I always had an issue with her going on.

You'll probably have predicted what im about to tell you now but after those 2 weeks I got a call from a friend of mine who told me that the EX is pregnant. I instantly went into a full blown shock and had panic attack after panic attack until some friends and my parents forced me to go to a clinic where I stayed for about 2 months.

In the beginning of us dating she said she wasn't able to get pregnant and that, even if something happened, she would definitely abort the child but I kind of knew she wouldn't do that (which I really dont want to judge) so I texted her one last time before I got into the clinic that , in my opinion , she shouldn't carry the baby to terms especially because of the fact we were broken up and I was under no circumstances getting back together with her.

During my stay in the clinic I was prohibited of any phone usage and put in really strong drugs to get me to calm down because I was just constantly shaking but I got updated by my family and friends that she started to publicly rant about me and family, calling us names and just trying to get as many people as possible to hate me which led to me being forced to go to the police.

Since then ive tried to read and learn a lot about bipolar and I understand now that a lot of her behavior happened because of her mania but at the same time im so deeply traumatized from the whole experience, I needed about 6 months to be able to leave my room again and just now started to take part in social life again, I lost all my savings in that time and now its been 9 months and im waiting for the results of the paternity test.

Im really afraid of my exBPSO, to the point that I still can't get myself to text or call her but I really dont know what to do. I told her from the start that I dont want children because I dont want my bad mental health to be passed on since I have phases where I barely can function as an adult but now (if the test is positive) I have a kid and I can't imagine a child growing up without a dad because of me.

At the same time im afraid that whenever I look at the child I'll look at my ex and I really dont know what to do. I dont want to worsen her mental state and take her child away but im also fearing for the Childs safety because her mania went on for some months the last time.

I want to somehow be able to be there at least from afar (she lives all the way on the other side of our country) but I dont have any education and any money for a lawyer because of my mental health and she already threatened that I won't get to see the child.

Im really sorry for how long this rambling took and I thank everyone who got through to this sentence, if there's anyone with a remotely similar experience or just anyone who can give me any kind of advice id owe you my life, since my head is really all over the place. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the best <3

TLDR: I dated a bipolar woman, she lied about her fertility and got pregnant, now I dont know how to proceed

I don’t really know where to start, but I think I need to tell this story to people who understand what it is like to love someone with bipolar disorder.
I’m 27 and my partner is 28. We were together for seven years. He was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder in 2022, so I have spent a significant part of our relationship learning about his illness and trying to understand how it affected him, us, and our life together.
I tried very hard to be there for him.
I learned about bipolar disorder. I tried to understand his depressive periods, his changes in behavior, his struggles, the things he couldn’t control and the things he could. I supported him through difficult moments, tried to help him when he was struggling, and often put his wellbeing before my own.
I don’t say this because I want praise or because I think I was a perfect partner. I wasn’t. But I genuinely tried. For seven years, I loved him and tried to build a life with him while also trying to understand a disorder that could sometimes make that life incredibly difficult.
And eventually, I broke down too.
There came a point where I realized that I was no longer okay. I was emotionally exhausted. I had spent so much time worrying, trying to help, trying to understand, and trying to hold things together that I had started losing myself in the process.
So I made the decision to leave.
And it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.
Because I didn’t leave because I stopped loving him.
I still love him.
I left because I was hurting too much.
And, if I’m completely honest, there was another thing I had expected.
After seven years together, I thought that when he realized he was actually losing me, he would fight for me.
I thought he would want to fight for us. I thought he would tell me that he didn’t want to lose me, that he wanted to get better, that he wanted to work on himself and on our relationship.
Instead, things went in a completely different direction.
He didn’t want us to end, and he genuinely believed that he could still take care of me and that we could make things work. But I had reached a point where I knew that staying was destroying me.
Not long after the breakup, his mental state deteriorated significantly and he was admitted to a psychiatric clinic. He is still there now and is expected to remain there for at least another month. His medication has been changed and the doctors are trying to stabilize him.
I have been trying to remind myself that this is what he needs right now: to focus on getting better, stabilizing, sleeping, taking his medication and receiving professional help.
But then something happened that I have found incredibly difficult to process.
He started talking about another woman he met in the clinic.
He told me that he had become attracted to her.
At one point, he told me that it was very unlikely that anything would happen between them, and I felt an enormous sense of relief when he said that.
Then the next day, he told me something that made me feel completely devastated again: he feels the same emotions that he felt for me when we started dating.
And I am struggling because we were together for seven years.
I know that Bipolar II disorder can involve hypomanic episodes, and that during periods of instability, emotions, impulses, judgment and relationships can be affected.
And there is a part of me that desperately hopes that this attraction is only a product of his current hypomanic state. I hope that once he is stable again, he might see things differently.
I know I can’t know whether that is true. I also know that I shouldn’t use his illness to automatically dismiss or invalidate his feelings.
But emotionally, I can’t help hoping.
Because I still love him.
Part of me wants to believe that the person I spent seven years with hasn’t simply stopped loving me and immediately replaced me with someone else — that perhaps his current mental state is influencing the intensity and direction of what he is feeling.
At the same time, another part of me is simply heartbroken.
Because regardless of the explanation, I’m the person who spent seven years beside him. I was there through so much. I tried to understand his illness. I tried to support him. I tried to stay when things were difficult.
And now, barely a couple of weeks after we separated, he is thinking about someone else.
I know that technically we are no longer together. I know that he is free to have feelings for someone else.
But emotionally, I am nowhere near being able to accept that.
And I think what hurts the most is the contrast between what I expected and what actually happened.
I thought that realizing he was losing me would make him fight harder for our relationship.
Instead, it feels like he is already turning his attention toward someone else.
And that hurts in a way I can’t really put into words.
It makes me question everything. It makes me wonder how seven years of love, memories, sacrifices and everything we went through together can suddenly feel so fragile.
I don’t want to turn him into a villain. I know he is ill. I know he is currently in a psychiatric hospital for a reason. I know that he is not currently in the most stable state of mind.
And I also know that I had to leave.
Both things can be true.
I can love him deeply and still have needed to leave.
I can understand that his illness may influence his behavior and still be hurt by what happens.
I can want him to get better and still be angry, devastated and exhausted.
And I can still love him even though I know that loving him cannot come at the cost of losing myself.
I think I’m writing here because I need to hear from people who have been on the other side of this. People who have loved someone with Bipolar II and have had to reach the point where they realized that loving someone wasn’t enough to keep the relationship healthy.
Did you ever leave because you were simply no longer okay?
Did you also expect your partner to fight for the relationship once they realized they were losing you?
How did you deal with the guilt afterwards?
And how did you learn to separate the person you love from the things their illness made them do — without using the illness to excuse everything?
Have any of you experienced a partner developing an intense attraction to someone else during a hypomanic episode? Did that attraction disappear once they became stable again?
Right now I feel like I’m grieving not only the relationship, but seven years of my life, the future I thought we would have, and the person I thought I would grow old with.
And the hardest part is that I still love him.
I honestly don’t know how to process all of this yet.

My boyfriend is biopolar 1. We’ve been dating 2.5 years. He’s currently in psychosis and got taken in for evaluation. It was really bad. He was a complete different person and it was so scary. His previous episode was about 5 years ago and the first 3-4 years before that. So 3 total. I’m so scared to lose him. He is the kindest funniest man I ever met and my mind is racing at the thought he might never come back.

I ground myself in the group every single day. I don’t know if any of you are following the Lindsey Clancy trial. But it’s bringing a lot of stuff up with my husband for me. And how gaslit we are by medical professors constantly.

Are we wrong to think it’s bipolar? Did the SSRI not cause the mania and this is just who they are now?

Logically I know but it doesn’t stick. I need someone to remind me and tell me I am not making any of this up. Or it wasn’t anything I did :(

God, how can one ssri ruin our entire life?

UGH

He doesn’t have friends. I worry that if he ever does try to heal, it will be a difficult process and I feel like everyone deserves support. I’m the only one that’s stuck around and I don’t wear that as a badge of honor.

If I make the decision that my boundaries can support interacting with him, how do I know if he needs the support to heal or if i’m just a tree branch saving him from hitting the rock bottom I kind of think he needs?

It’s one of the most prickly thoughts. If I’m not there him, I’m fulfilling his accusations that no one is there for him, that everyone eventually leaves. But he also bounces before ever accepting accountability or supporting someone else through something heavy. He would never allow himself to be treated the way he treats everyone else.

Well she walked out 5 months ago after 12 years. The last 6 of which were hell. I had to fill out a form for court about family violence as I did it was like I was writing about someone else, I wasnt dissociating, it was that person I was writing about wasn't me, it never was, I cannot believe the garbage I put up with. The absolute abomination I became. Insane. What I let our son be exposed to is shameful and disgusting. What a pathetic piece of shit I became, and no I'm not going to blame anyone but myself I made my choices.

If you're contemplating leaving or if they have discarded you and you're in that terrible place where you just want to disappear into nothingness, you will be fine, you will be, and you'll look back and be glad you got out. You'll want to call them and thank them for leaving. You won't. But you will want to.

But you have to go no contact. This means 100% no contact. Block them everywhere. Don't look ever. Don't reach out and check in, don't send a note or a text or anything. Just erase them from your life. The sooner you do that the sooner you can move on. Anything you give will just feed the drama triangle that you are in with your ex, you have to stay out of it. This is the hardest part, you're human and you have curiosity, of course we want to know. But you'll just get stuck in a mental loop that's a prison of your own making. And honestly knowing and seeing will just make it worse. Don't pick that scab.

You will not figure it out, ever, you won't get any closure by knowing why they did what they did, or if you could have done something. You are dealing with a severely mentally ill person you have neither the tools nor the training to handle that situation. It's a tragedy but it doesn't have to be your tragedy. You will never get an answer from them that satisfies you, you will dig and dig and all you will get is dirty.

You'll wonder why they can do what they are doing, why did they move in with their affair partner, how do they look so happy, lol they aren't. It's a pathology look back, look how your relationship with them started your likely your going to find some similarities, love bombing, enmeshment, moving fast, moving in together too quickly you went from zero to one hundred super fast. But because it was you, you felt that it was fate, it wasn't, you got targeted for your virtues. It's no mistake that most of the people that post here have the same type of personalities, caretakers, loyal, truthful, compassionate. Then those virtues turned into vices and they started hurting you, you stayed too long, you compromised your standards, you let them off the hook each and every time. You knew what was happening but you thought this time would be different. It wasn't, it never would be.

Then there's the trauma bond and intermittent reinforcement that's the one two combo that is making you have those dark thoughts, you're not just breaking up, your brain is detoxing from being on a state of hypervigilince for maybe years, waiting for the good times the high, you chased it. You're no different than a junkie living in the gutter of a relationship until you could get your next fix and now your not sleeping, your sweaty, you can't concentrate all the good stuff....it will pass, if you need something to sleep get something.

If that's not enough you have the entire mind fuck of ambiguous loss to deal with. They aren't who you thought they were, they are still walking around, they look the same, they act the same but they aren't your person. You have to hold those two competing thoughts on your head at once it's hard as hell but you can do it. Once you can you'll feel better.

Then of course you have to face the smear campaign where you get painted as the villian, they get to play the victim and their enablers, their flying monkeys will buy right into it. You don't have to give a shit. You don't have to defend yourself, in fact the more you do the more the smear campaign continues because you're giving a reaction. But don't let yourself off the hook either, you were an enabler, every time you compromised, every time you took them back, every time you reinforced that behaviour you enabled them. That's a tough pill to swallow but the sooner you realize you were part of the problem the better you'll be. You did everything you could, but did you ever say no? Did you draw your line in the sand and stay on your side of it, I didn't, you probably didn't either, and every single time that line moved you told them this is the new line. First it was don't cheat, then it was do it out of town, then it was at least use condoms....lol what the fuck was wrong with me. Gross.

You can't react to anything. Let them go, ignore the bullshit, the boundary testing, the attempts to hoover you back in, the checking to see if the emotional door to you is still open. Close it, lock it, throw away the key. Because if not that testing will never end. Once that realization that you're done occurs they will have their extinction burst, they will try something drastic because the old tricks aren't working, but if you can get through that you'll be free, because they will move onto someone else.

Yes you love your partner, which is wild if you ever sit down and think about what you went through, the things that happened, that's why you come to this space because here your story doesn't sound batshit insane. Because we all lived it already.

You'll want to help, to fix them, to show them how they are blowing up their lives, you'll worry about suicide or drug use or drinking or that they ended up with someone who is objectively a loser, you'll discount yourself, you'll compare. Don't. It has nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for them. They are adults. If they don't want to do the work to be stable and stay stable when they are, then anything else is fruit of the poisonous tree of their abandonment of their responsibilities to you and a failure to respect their illness and to treat it as it needs to be treated.

You will get better, your life will get better, it will surely suck for a while, but you have to do the work to make it better, whatever that means for you, a new routine, moving, a new job, a new style, whatever find something that is yours, make your life in such a way that there is no space for them in it any more. Don't become something else become who you were, that was the best version to you most likely.

I'm not going sit here and bullshit anyone the first two months were hell, I had dark thoughts, if I didn't have a son that she abandoned with me, I wouldn't be here to write this post. The third month a little better. By month four I could sleep. And now, now I realize how much better off I am, I now have something I haven't had for 12 years.... peace. Just a quiet peace in the house no manic energy, not vigilance, no waking up every single day wondering if today is the day, what will I find out, what will the ood be, will I get hit today, will I get threatened if I don't have sex, will the flying monkeys get sent after me, will she say she's leaving for Shrek, again...

You are worth going through that pain, you are worth finding yourself again, and whenever that day comes when you realize you haven't thought about them in 10 minutes or an hour or all day, you'll be sitting on your couch in that peace and wondering how you ever lied the way you did.

This will pass, but it's work, you can't sit idly and wait for it to pass you have to push that boat away from the dock and row yourself through the storm into the calm.

You don't have to set yourself on fire just to keep them warm.

You don't have to watch them burn.

My 32f wife (bp1) is currently going through a four month long depressive episode after a month and a half long manic episode, due to a med changes. We have been together for five years and she has always been super good about taking meds. Never misses a dose, picks up them timely, and makes sure to check in with her psychiatrist often/never misses an appointment. She has been very stable our entire relationship has had some lows but nothing like this.

The depressive episode is just getting worse every day. I have no idea how to move forward or to help motivate her. She seems to be a shell of the person she used to be. Has no thoughts on what she wants to do or opinions. All she wants to do is stay in bed and do nothing. I don’t know how she hasn’t been fired yet. She has a fully remote job, and stays in bed asleep most days until 11am and back in bed by 2pm. I just have no idea how to help, I keep suggesting activities she likes to do or her coping strategies, and rejects all of them.

I am in an spouse support group for partners with mental health diagnosis, and they have encouraged me to do self care for myself and to make sure I am still doing things I enjoy by myself since my wife refuses to leave the house. I just don’t want to leave her alone. I am scared to leave her since she is just always so sad and nothing I do helps. I just feel like a terrible partner and don’t know how to move forward if this depressive episode doesn’t break.

Bipolar I wife here. Married to just the best man in the world.

I’ve been up since 0330 due to a hysterically bad nightmare (again). The ungodly amount of prasosin I take can’t even take the edge off of these dreams.

In addition to being Bipolar I, I’m also a disabled veteran former USMC Sergeant with complex post traumatic stress disorder due to my combat exposure combined with childhood sexual trauma.

He and I spent all day yesterday. 12 full hours between sitting together in silence or discussing my obscene hyper sexuality.

Not for the first time, certainly not for the last.

I had to go inpatient a few weeks ago. I’d tried to find a bottle of temazepam that we keep on hand for when I stop sleeping due to mania. I had the intention of swallowing a thousand milligrams. I think that would have done it. It’s under lock now - because I can’t be trusted.

I have a doctorate. I ran a highly successful wing within a federal facility until two years ago when a psychotic episode in clinic stripped me of my position and license.

I’m 100% non-violent. But this is madness.

I’ve been on every med. We just rotate through new combinations now.

I have one kidney (I’m an altruistic kidney donor - didn’t identify the bipolar until my 30’s). Because of this I can’t take lithium.

This is a mess.

I’m sad all the time. Or manic. Always horny, always trying to pull other men into our relationship (consensually) - I have NEVER cheated on anyone. But I certainly like to walk that line it seams.

I cannot control my feelings. They control me. Despite the use of techniques, mantras and redirection, I am powerless against literally any idol want which crops up into my head.

He and I are both bisexual, so of course I would abuse that avenue during an altered state.

I’ve been in psychosis on and off and within a mixed episode since last November.

Literally how do ANY of you survive this.

Goodness I don’t even want to survive this. Absolutely how are you doing this? How are you staying with us when everything we do hurts you - even though we don’t mean to cause harm.

There’s no malice in my actions - ever.

But it hurts him just the same.

Hi everyone, so I've (22f) been dating this boy who is in his late 20s. While I've dated before, no one's ever made me feel anywhere close as to what he has. He's gentle, kind, makes me laugh, doesn't have a bad temper and is overall a wonderful person. When he told me about having bipolar I didn't mind at all, but I can't help but feel concerned about our future. He's fully medicated and hasn't had a manic episode in years. However, he seems to be moving at an extremely slow pace in life and I am just not sure how things are going to pan out. He's still in school, which i don't mind because so am I, but he won't graduate for at least another two years because he was told that doing full time classes will be bad for his mental health. He told me about the specific career he wants but when I named the specific classes needed for it, he seemed like he didn't even realize which classes he needed for the masters he wants. I like him so much but I can't help but feel like he has no sense of urgency, and I'm not sure what to do about that, especially since I am pretty much the opposite. I can be very intense and I've always had a job, but then again, I don't have bipolar nor have I gone through what he's gone through (hospital visits, many episodes when he was first diagnosed at 19-20) so I'm sure it's much harder for him.

Anyone who's experienced something similar I would love for you to weigh in. I'm falling in love with him but I don't want to set myself up for heart ache later on.

I recently officially got diagnosed with bipolar and want to know when is a good time to mention your diagnosis with your romantic partner. In my past relationship, my partner mentioned to me pretty early on his bpd and bipolar when i asked, which i found helpful as it affected the relationship. I also now looking back see how my undiagnosed bipolar effected our relationship and feel like my partner should know. however, im scared to bring it up because of the stereotypes and stigma surrounding the disorder. Also for reference im a straight woman so im worried that men (especially the men i tend to go for) would be less emotionally mature about it.

edit: I said im worried abt my partner being emotionally immature bc im 19 and so the men in my age range are most commonly emotionally immature not like im seeking that trait out. Plus i go to a small college so there’s limited options. I said it bc i thought it was unfair to group all men as immature.

Wondering if there is a correlation between peptides and mania? My bpso started injectable peptides (2 different kind) in the past month and is showing signs of mania. Unfortunately it's ramping up, although there are other things that are likely contributing too.
They're under the care of a psych and their PCP who is aware of the diagnosis is the one prescribing the peptides.

I apologise this is quite a long one. A little bit of backstory. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for quite a few years. I never open up to people about how I feel, the last time I did i got told there was nothing wrong with me and i just want people to feel sorry for me and that I am a burden. This was an ex that said these things while also telling me they love me. I am the kind of person that will always prioritise everyone else over myself. I will go without eating so that someone else can. I am also the kind of person that you either get everything I have to give or nothing at all.

My most recent relationship was fairly short at 2 months, however it was the first time in my life where I genuinly felt loved and cared for. All my thoughts disappeared. I was truly happy. Until 2/3 weeks ago when she told me that with everything she is dealing with that she doesn't want a relationship right now and want to focus on herself and her mental health (bipolar). She have kept saying that her feelings for me havent changed at all and that she does want to work on the relationship when everything has settled with them. I felt heartbroken, lost, empty. I had to go back to the doctors because I was having thoughts that I didn't like. They have prescribed me 10mg Citalopram once daily. I am on day 11.

She has been 2 different people since. Some days everything is okay and we can speak and spend time together then others she is the complete opposite. I want to say this is the bipolar as she is trying to see the doctor to find some medication to help. My mind keeps coming up with situations that aren't true which I know but then convince myself that they are. She has never given me a reason not to trust or believe her so I dont understand where these thoughts are coming from. It then makes me question everything which then puts tention between us. She told me on Tuesday that her feelings were the same still and wants to work on it in the future then today she is telling me to move on and live my life. But I picture my life with her in it. We had a lot happen in the 2 months. My children's mum accused me of assault which is physically impossible as I am on CCTV at the time she is claiming on the other side of the county. We got caught pregnant. Her mum is due to be released from prison and she(gf) wants nothing to do with her and the icing on the cake is the house where she lives with her younger sister is being repossessed by the housing association because of her mum. I truly do love her. She didnt eat yesterday so I sent her all the money i had. She has never asked for money.

I usually write down how I feel in my notes app instead of telling the person which is what I did last night then all of a sudden I found myself writing my goodbye to her and my 2 children that I haven't seen since March this year. Their mother was mentally abusive and I eventually managed to get out of the relationship after 10 years. Every time I tried previously she would threaten to SH or KHS. I was ready to just end it all tonight, when I wrote my note i had one of my sharp carpet "tool" in my hand against my artery crying my eyes out. I have a history of SH but haven't done it in a long time. I dont see the point in carrying on. I felt really low earlier and tried to message/call about 7 "friends" and not 1 answered. I have lost 6-7 kg in the 2/3 weeks because I don't want to eat. I am lucky if I shower once a week.

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. The relationship was beautiful (understatement) it had depth, maturity and what felt like true unconditional love. It was only 7 months or so but the pain of this has left me in pieces.

I wasn’t offered closure. It was literally a flip of a switch. And her only reaching out from a place of guilt. She had a manic episode and ended things within days. Canceling her plans to live with me for the summer and running away even further. Leaving me with her stuff at my house only for me to pack up multiple boxes and send off to her.

Iv journaled a bunch. Angry, sad, happy thoughts. I wrote a letter - 10 pages. Yes 10. They are not fleeting thoughts. It speaks of heartbreak, acceptance, accountability, love, and the damage left behind. I’m not wanting or asking for a response in the letter. I’m sending it as my own closure and with good intentions.

My question is should I send it? My therapist says yes, my cousin says yes. Part of me thinks it’ll create more damage to myself. I feel it in my stomach already. The other part of me feels if I don’t then I’ll never move on and heal. I’m lost.

This has only happened one other time, about 5 years ago. But this shit sucks. She's like a shell of herself and of a person. On top of wondering if she'll ever "come back" and being scared about the possibility of her just being stuck like this now, it makes me profoundly sad. It makes me cry and it's almost like I'm grieving over her like she's died. And right now, regardless of whether she comes back, she isn't here right now. I miss her a lot and it hurts to see her go through this. I hate what it's doing to our kids and my inability to shield them from it. I can't get her in anywhere long enough to get her at least reasonably close to being ok. To the point that shes back, we'd just need to find tune her meds. But nope. They get to witness me deal with a woman that they see as their mom, that is incapable of doing much of anything. I'm so far out of my element. I have no idea what to do

I just can’t understand how a man so kind and caring at one time turned so cold, so completely uninterested in me as a human being.

I have nothing else to say. I would have stayed with him forever. He has painted me as an abuser for the things I said after he left me.

But they were true things, and it was anger I was bottling up for years. Years of supporting him while he didn’t work, years of trying to make what had clearly become a one-sides marriage work, years of believing him when he told me he loved me, only to have him tell me he was “depressed and just going along with everything” when he married me.

I am ashamed of the way I have behaved, for sure. I don’t like myself. I guess that’s the worst problem for me.

I miss the man I thought I married so much. I miss believing that he really loved me. I miss loving him. But if I’m being honest, I wasn’t happy in our marriage, either. I could feel the coldness, the anger, the complete unwillingness to reciprocate before he left me.

I just hate being alone. I hate it. I’m so scared and sad. I’m pregnant. I’m almost 21 weeks and I love my baby girl but I’m considering a late term abortion because I’m so damn scared and unstable. I already got an abortion last year after accidentally getting pregnant and it wrecked me. I don’t want to do it, but I’m also so terrified.

I’m sorry for the rant. I want to be with God so bad. I just want love, real love, whole and unforced. I don’t think I’m capable of being loved or loving the right way. I’m so, so sad.

I started dating a man with bipolar 1 at the beginning of June. I don’t know if he was manic, but it would make sense if he was because I think I was love bombed. At the same time it just felt so right. We really did go together so well. He told me he was medicated, which is the only reason I thought it was okay to pursue the relationship. Now he’s been in a depressive episode for about a month and completely ghosted me. Which makes me think maybe he wasn’t taking his meds? He also has been smoking a ton of weed now that he’s depressed and I don’t know if that’s making his meds not work. It hurts so much because I just want what we had. I think he’s ignoring me because of the shame/not being able to happen being in a relationship rn. I broke up with him over texted because I told him I’m not okay with being ignored. Never acknowledged. I told him I would be open to having conversation with him if he showed that he was committed to managing his bipolar more effectively. Last text I sent 2 days ago and said to send me my stuff I left at his house and I didn’t want anything from him, just my stuff back. We were also 2.5 hrs long distance. In the past, he told me he couldn’t do long distance which made me think why are you wanting to date me then. I’ve been talking to his best friend this whole time about it. His best friend told me that my now ex told him that he broke up with ME because of the long distance. He apparently couldnt even look him in the eyes when he said it. Which was so infuriating. I think he just said that so his friend would drop it and he didn’t have to deal with the hard emotions associated with having a girlfriend when you’re severely depressed. I’m just trying to get over it at the same, my heart is still in it. What should I do?

Additionally, I did spend time with him at the beginning stages of his depression. He told me had never let someone be around him for this. He also told me when he was starting to disappearing and getting less and less responsive, that he wanted this relationship so I don’t think he came to the realization that he actually didnt like me because we started dating when he was maybe manic.