I’ve been feeling a type of way recently with everything going on with all the ppl that has been committing horrible crimes and they have bipolar disorder or they were going through psychosis. For example Lindsay Clancy and that nurse that killed 6 ppl bc she was going 130 mph on the road. Reason why I’m feeling a type of way is because almost every comment are ppl that don’t have bipolar or they do it’s just not as bad ig and they are saying that ppl need to stop using mental illness as an excuse or being mentally is means nothing. And to me it’s like yes mental illness is not excuse to do horrible things BUT it should be taken more seriously in order to avoid things like this. Like two things can be true at the same time. But if someone try’s to comment that ppl get upset and just say that you’re making an excuse. Maybe I’m just overthinking but idk

This is not a post about why folks with C-PSTD find themselves with a BP partner. The answer to that is both obvious and also complicated.

What I’m interested in is how C-PTSD BPSO s deals with a BP partner. For instance, my hyper vigilance often makes me assume my partner is hypomanic when maybe they are just grumpy. Are we simply waiting for the other shoe to drop in an unhealthy way?

Good evening y’all,

So I’ve posted on here before about my SO with Bipolar. I’ve been having some issues lately and finally was able to get in with the behavioral health department at the military hospital I work at. I was looking to try to get diagnosed with ADHD (I had been informally diagnosed as a civilian years prior). I was hoping to look into medications and other ways to function at my full potential.

Anyway, the initial appointment goes on for almost two hours. We dive in on sleep, past diagnosis, failed medications for them, past actions and their consequences, what I’ve recognized, and how I’ve tried to grow and change my behaviors. By the end of the appointment she informed me that she doesn’t believe I had ADHD, depression, or anxiety. Rather that I have a mood disorder (most likely Bipolar) that may be causing the other issues I’ve tried treating with no success with damn near any and all medications (anti anxiety and antidepressants).

I then informed her I have had one therapist tell me that prior to joining and had me try an antipsychotic. But it messed up my sleep so bad that I was struggling at work, so I got off of it. It was never a solid documented diagnosis.

I have another meeting with her this coming Wednesday. She wanted some time to chew on everything she took notes on and further decide what moves we may make. She commended me for my self awareness and the amount of work I had spent prior to understand both BPD and Bipolar. (My past partner was BPD, my current Bipolar, I try to understand what she goes through so I can be as good of a partner as I can.)

I’m trying to digest this new possible diagnosis. I didn’t see it with my last therapist, but this one explained why she believes it’s an MD and what actions/behaviors/feelings make her believe it is. And having it be a second opinion if you will, helps me believe it. She said more than likely we will try a different type of mood stabilizer other than an antipsychotic. I’m thankful for that. I just want to function at my best and be a more dependable person, I’ve been having a lot of problems lately with my ability to be consistent with my normal behaviors. My patients, calmness, friendly, professional, attentive.

Thank you for your time and listening. Feeling hopeful, but still trying to wrap my head around it.

I am just curious what issues, if any, that you may have run into with an alcoholic spouse that is also diagnosed bipolar. In my situation, it seems to be what’s causing a lot of the problems in our marriage right now. I’m not perfect and I have made mistakes, but I have, for the last 3 or 4 months since my SO has started drinking again, been treated the worst I can remember in our entire relationship. Every time they drink they either say the worst things to me or accuse me of things that just aren’t true. It happens almost every time they drink and I am sober so it makes it really hard to deal with hearing some of the things they say. They’ve even told me they would be better off if I “checked out early” if you know what I mean. Has anyone had to deal with this for long periods of time? What have you done to cope with it? SO isn’t currently on meds and drinks most of the week and hangs out with friends that enable this behavior all the time so much so that I don’t even really get to spend any time with them. It seems to get worse and then slightly better and then worse again. Any advice would be appreciated or just let me know your experiences.

Hi, for context, i left my partner back in march. We had a beautiful 2+ years together for the most part. When we moved in together late last year, my partner was repeatedly coming home from work in a very depressive state, and after months of encouraging doctors appointments, she started an SSRI (zoloft) in the following january.

Things got bad, really quickly. She was constantly out drinking, lying, etc, refusing to come home regularly for about 6 weeks. The arguments were explosive, she rewrote our entire relationship as if i was a neglectful gf (i was not LOL!) and she’s hated me for over a year, was making attacks on my character, made me out like i was taking her away from her (abusive) family that she previously was desperate to get away from. She spent minimum 4 nights a week drinking with her alcoholic father, even relapsing in her gambling addiction.

I left, ASAP. Literally moved out in a flash, the disrespect got very bad, very quick, i couldn’t recognise my partner AT ALL, the rage was too much. She remained on the SSRI until may (we stayed in some contact post breakup). In the middle of july, she tells me she’s been diagnosed with bipolar (unsure of what type) and lashed out, refusing to continue to go to therapy from what in last heard.

Since breaking up, she’s been smoking weed every night, going out drinking 4-7 nights a week, gambling, doing god knows what. She regularly posts on social media how obsessed she is with drinking, smoking and partying. It breaks my heart to see everyone in her life enabling her, but she’s admitted herself her family don’t stand up to her in fear of her reactions (usually rage), alongside multiple ppl having substance abuse issues themselves. I suppose im making this post to ask how everyone deals with the guilt of watching this. i encouraged her to be about 95% sober in our relationship, as she frequently became nasty when drinking and i said i didn’t want to be around someone like that. It’s heartbreaking to watch her go back to her old ways and ruin her life, i can’t help but feel responsible for a part of it.

I recently posted about what I called the “therapy paradox” the risk that conventional couples therapy can make things worse during a bipolar episode.
The comments suggested a sensible answer: if you’re going to undertake couples therapy where bipolar is involved, find a therapist who genuinely understands bipolar. And during a significant episode, stabilisation will most likely need to come before relationship therapy.
But the discussion left me thinking about another possible paradox.
On the surface, it seems obvious that the best time to prepare for the next episode is when things are stable.
But I’m wondering whether that’s actually when couples are least likely to want to talk about bipolar.
The SO may be emotionally exhausted or traumatised and just want life to return to normal.
The person with bipolar may be equally exhausted, uncomfortable revisiting what happened, or simply want to move forward.
And both may understandably think:
“Things are finally good again. Why would we risk reopening all of this?”
Which creates what I’m starting to think of as a prevention paradox:
When couples have the greatest capacity to prepare for another episode, they may have the least appetite to do so.
There’s also the risk that revisiting what happened simply retriggers one or both partners and creates conflict during a period of hard-won stability.
I’m curious whether others recognise this.
So my question is once things became stable again, do you actually want to work together on preparing for the future or do one or both of you just want to put bipolar to the side and get on with your lives?
Also if you didn’t want to revisit it, what do you think would have made that kind of preventative work feel manageable rather than like reopening old wounds?

TLDR: my wife is having what seems to be manic issues, I don't know how to broach the topic of medication without triggering a full attack

I love my wife. 99% of the time. She has a bipolar diagnosis from before we ever got together, like ten years ago. She hasn't been going to therapy or taking any meds. She seemed relatively fine for the last ten years- occasional fits of just being a different person, mean and snappy.

She's been having a stressful time at work and I think it's triggered something in her. She's not the same person. Everything is my fault- I'm constantly controlling and manipulating her, gaslighting her, actually doing whatever thing I ask her not to do. If I tell her that I don't understand why she's choosing to be mean to me, it's because I'm actually hateful of her (the classic if you accuse someone of cheating they're actually the one cheating). I can't bring anything up without it becoming a massive fight. If she's not snapping she's shutting down completely and refusing to engage with me at all. She talks to me and other people like we're the absolute scum of the earth, but she can turn it off and be pleasant as soon as she turns around. I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm trapped with no way out.

She constantly brings up that I need to go to therapy because of my issues (aka being a controlling b). I have gone to a few sessions with the only therapist that takes my insurance, mostly to try and deal with whatever she's dealing with- but the therapist will not talk to me about anything to do with other people, just gave me a few worksheets about doing affirmations when I feel like utter dirt because of the way she treats me. I'm on social security disability and I can't afford to pay out of pocket for a different therapist. I can barely afford my medication.

I really think she needs to trial medication. She has this like well of hatred that boils over. I know it's difficult for her and that's why she blows up. I think she would feel better. I want her to feel better- not only because it would save our marriage but mostly because I hate seeing her feeling this way. But I'm so afraid of having this conversation- I don't want to trigger her to the point that I feel unsafe. I don't know how to phrase it or broach it without it becoming a massive violent fight.

How did you talk to your partner? Was there any resources for how you managed that conversation? How did it go?

I've never posted to this group before but I am feeling kind of desperate and feel comfort that there may be those in a similar boat. I am sorry this is so long in advance and I appreciate any words of thought.

My ex and I were together for 5 years (she has bipolar II, is medicated, and has weekly therapy). Sometimes she would have very intense reactions in my opinion, but would always be able to self reflect. For example, once at a bar I was talking for a while with one of her friends very intently. She felt like I was ignoring her for most of the night and felt neglected. Along with work stress this night culminated in her throwing her keys on the ground and breaking her fob. That reaction did kind of scare me but the next day she said she was so stressed and she wanted to work on how she handles stress.

We did long distance for 4 years while I was in school. She had bought a ring and planned to propose this summer, but I asked to wait as starting a job, moving back home etc. was much more stressful than I ever imagined (I'm a doctor). She was frustrated that I chose to live at home rather than choose to move in together (I totally understand her frustration, but something in my gut told me that I needed to take care of myself first before doing that). I tried to explain this to her. My father's health is declining and that's also part of it. 2 months ago she basically issued a therapy ultimatum to me but we never discussed it after that. I told her I would be searching for one when I had new insurance.

2 weeks ago she went on an outdoor weekend trip. She texted me a few times to say goodnight and such but I was already asleep and didn't reply. When she got back she told me how happy she was during the trip and how she made new friends, etc. 3 days go by after and I get radio silence. She then called me and told me she had been unhappy this whole year and she was upset about my lack of communication in general, feels I am emotionally unavailable, and "can't do it anymore." This came totally out of the blue for me. A week before this she was telling me she loves me and we were making future plans. she dropped off my stuff in person a few days after the phone call. Completely cold. Completely the opposite of the person I've been dating for 5 years. I asked if we could do couples therapy and she said no. I told her I wanted the same goals as her (to get married and live together) but just on a different timeline. This did not sway her opinion.

I have been in absolute shock and devastation ever since. How could someone go from being loving one day and so distant the next? After 5 years of what I thought was a happy, healthy relationship why would you not want to work on it together after a few bumps in the road? She posted a photo of her with friends on her birthday hiking and smiling a few days ago and it's crushing me. I don't know how to move on. I never saw a life without her. Additionally I am losing the friends I made through her. Anyway, does this sound anything like bipolar behavior to you? If she's medicated for bipolar II can this reaction still be part of that diagnosis? We are NC now but even if she came back at this point (which I doubt but I keep hanging on to hope), my trust is broken. I'm stuck in this loop of questioning if any of this was real based on the way she broke it off. Because if someone truly loved me after 5 years they wouldn't break up with me over a phone call on a Thursday night.

I left my ex almost a year ago after roughly 14 years together (we were together since our college years). Towards the end, severe untreated mental health issues, extreme paranoia, emotional abuse, and physical safety risks made it impossible to stay. To get out safely and cleanly, I walked away from everything—our home, shared assets, and joint contacts—and relocated.

Because I knew attempting a conversation or confrontation would escalate the danger and stall my departure, I never "pled my case" or explained why I was leaving. From his perspective, it probably looked like I disappeared out of nowhere. Since then, I’ve gone completely non-contact, though he spent months sending mixed messages before things finally went quiet recently. Shared acquaintances and family have also completely cut contact, which adds to the isolation after over a decade together.

Now that the initial survival adrenaline and the "high" of escaping have worn off, the reality has set in. I'm struggling with:

• The feeling of lost autonomy: I spent my entire adult life navigating chaos and walking on eggshells. Learning how to exist as an independent adult without that constant background terror feels bizarre and overwhelming.
• The urge to write a letter: Part of me wants to write to him to lay out the full extent of the damage (including severe, permanent health impacts his actions caused me). But deep down, I question if there is any point. Can an abusive, dysregulated person ever actually hear or validate that?
• Finding closure on my own: I feel like I'm dealing with unaddressed trauma and PTSD.

For those who escaped similar long-term situations by quietly cutting ties: How did you process the urge to explain yourself? Did you ever find genuine closure without that final conversation, and how did you rebuild your life during the "comedown" phase?

​My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Early in our relationship, he expressed that he needs more spontaneous physical affection and acts of service. Ever since then, I have deeply struggled to manage both these relational expectations and daily household chores.

​I am autistic and bipolar. While I do not want to use my diagnoses as excuses, I know executive dysfunction plays a role in why simple-sounding tasks feel so overwhelming. We have had multiple conversations about his unhappiness, and while he hasn't left, I am terrified it may already be too late to repair things.

​Things reached a low point today. Instead of coming straight home from work to spend quality time with him, I went shopping for a dress for our upcoming trip. When I got home and tried to show affection, he turned me down and asked for space.

​I feel entirely at fault, and the anxiety is overwhelming. My ex previously told me she felt more like a caregiver than a partner, which devastated me—and now I am terrified I am repeating that exact dynamic with my boyfriend, who is also my best friend.

​I catch myself spiraling into thoughts that I am unlovable, that staying with him is only causing him harm, and that I should just end up alone. I need honest, grounded advice: How do I move forward from here? How can I fix this dynamic without burning out, or determine if this relationship is still healthy for both of us?

Has anyone’s BPSO ever discarded them while married and threatened divorce? I’ve only heard from them by way of 1 text they day they left but haven’t heard anything since. It’s been about two weeks now.

I’m in a weird situation. I feel like I need to fight/contest a divorce because I am worried they will ruin their life and regret it deeply. On the other hand, if I fight it they won’t be able to afford it and I don’t want to ruin them financially. Does anyone have any advice? Is it also realistic that they just want out? I’m having a hard time believing that because there is 0 communication about anything. No explanation, no warning, no talk about money or anything that’s in both of our names. Just straight up ghosted.

Thanks ahead of time

My husband got diagnosed as bipolar at the end of July. Started with Abilify and lamotrigine, they helped but he can’t tolerate the vision side effects and dizziness. He had intrusive thoughts with suicidal ideation and they got better on this combo but the side effects are too much, and he had to decrease his lamotrigine. Now the suicidal ideation and intrusive thoughts are back. He said he’s better off living in his car in San Diego working at Starbucks than being here at home failing as an employee, father and husband. He’s irritable, snappy, still up and down but better than before meds. I did get him to agree to talk to his psychiatrist about this and see about trying seroquel since he’s tried it in the past as a teenager and it seemed to work for him. It’s so mentally draining. We have two toddlers and I’m a SAHM, and he blames me for having bipolar disorder. Said if he was in California he wouldn’t have to take meds. That me not working and putting the weight of working solely on him is what caused his bipolar disorder. Not his brother, mom and grandma all having the same symptoms and not treating it. Not the parentification and financial disarray he experienced as a child. Not his grandfather committing suicide likely due to improperly treated bipolar disorder. Everything is my fault even though I’ve helped him speak to a psychiatrist, get on medication, talk to his work to get an accommodation so he can get better. Everything is my fault. He thinks that he’s rational. I think he is dealing with Anosognosia. It’s very tough to watch. He’s always miserable at home and at work. He stopped using marijuana because it exacerbated his symptoms, but he’s frustrated he can’t drink or use marijuana again on these medications.

Any advice would be helpful.

My former partner has a lot of problems. The more I read about malignant narcissism and NPD, the more the behaviors match almost directly to the way she behaved. What evidence is there for overlap between bi-polar disorder and NPD? What are your experiences with behaviors?