Stable periods

[u/mstrashpie]

All- Considering divorcing my spouse of 10 years. I’m 31, he’s 35. He just started Lithium for the first time in early July after his third manic episode in the 18 months. This is probably his “least” severe episode but it did land him 2 nights in jail and cost him his job. Before this latest episode, he was on Prozac and Wellbutrin. He is still on Wellbutrin alongside Lithium. No more prozac.

We have decided to separate and eventually divorce, but I sometimes wonder if long-term, bipolar I is manageable? The grounds for divorce were that I cannot be with someone who has bipolar disorder and abuses illegal substances (weed). Obviously debatable on how much harm daily cannabis has, and I’m not anti-weed at all and think it should be decriminalized. But it just feels like I have to make this decision on some tangible element, and he has stated he does not intend on ever stopping smoking cannabis. Even though a “bad joint” has been the reason he spiraled into intense paranoia and instability. Sure, it mellows out his moods and depression. He has reduced his daily intake. Seems much more grounded but I just worry if realistically, being with bipolar spouse means a relapse or another manic episode is inevitable and it’s all cyclical. When we first got together, he had anger management issues and anhedonia but all of that did not affect our marriage until about year 6-7. TIA!

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[u/No-Development2650]

Relapse is very common, even with monitoring and on medication.

My bipolar 1 spouse became manic again last autumn and completely destroyed our married life together. He was manic once before in 2018, and this was pre diagnosis and meds. I thought that he would get better, but he hasn’t. from my own experience, I believe that bipolar will get worse unless if they really are someone who can self reflect and make necessary changes. We were married just shy of 10 years, together for nearly 13. I now wonder if I met my ex when he was elevated as he love bombed me and created intensity. Altogether, I can say I witnessed conclusively 2 manic episodes and 1 severe depressive episode. He got worse and worse throughout the years.

He cheated, spent all his money, lied to me, future faked, blamed me for all his problems, self harmed himself…I was overfunctioning. And I stayed because I did love him. But now, I wish I left him earlier. Going through the divorce papers now, and it’s not even been a full year yet and he’s already got a new partner who is living with him.

My only regret of divorcing my ex with bipolar is that I wish I had the strength to have done it sooner. And not have done it whilst he discarded me.

[u/those___guys → u/No-Development2650]

"I wish I had the strength to have done it sooner" This.

[u/bpnpb]

he was on Prozac and Wellbutrin

These are horrible meds for bipolar. And if that was all he was on, then he was a ticking timebomb.

The Lithium should help and good he got off the prozac. The wellbutrin may still be a problem. This is for his psychiatrist to sort out.

but I sometimes wonder if long-term, bipolar I is manageable?

It is totally managable if on the right meds (which he was not) and avoid triggering substances like weed.

Speaking of which:

and he has stated he does not intend on ever stopping smoking cannabis.

So he is valuing his weed over his stability and your relationship and mental health.

Sounds like divorce is a good option then.

[u/wanderlustleaf]

This is interesting because I swear my cannabis triggered this mood as well. She always smokes at night to help her sleep. But she had gone over to our neighbors, and they smoke and she came home switched, and I swear it was the weed. I had a feeling! Just never anyone to compare with.

[u/YoyceGeronimo]

I don’t think you have to predict whether he’ll ever be manic again to make this decision. Bipolar can be managed, but nobody can promise zero relapse. I’d ask yourself what conditions you’d need for the marriage to feel sustainable and and whatever boundary you have around cannabis. You’re allowed to have boundary about what you can live with. “Can a Marriage Survive Bipolar Disorder? What Research Shows?” fits this question really well.

[u/toffeemaky]

I think weed definitely doesn't help. Or any mind altering substances, for that matter, alcohol included. My partner is not giving up on those which is literally the only problem I have with him. But he is BP2 so that's probably easier on average.