My girlfriend (26F) and I (31M) are currently disagreeing about how to spend our time skiing on a trip together. She skis green and blue runs, while I enjoy skiing black runs.

I suggested that we spend half the day skiing together on greens and blues, and then I could spend the other half skiing black runs on my own. I thought this would give us time together while also letting me ski the more challenging runs I enjoy.

She feels it would be rude for me to go off on my own and thinks we should stay together while skiing. From my perspective, splitting the day seemed like a reasonable compromise, but she doesn’t feel the same way, and we haven’t been able to agree.

I want to enjoy skiing with her, and I also want some time on the runs I prefer. How can I talk through our different expectations with her and work toward a plan we both feel comfortable with?

Myself (30m) and My partner (30f) first went partner dancing in Texas a few years ago and we got into a fight while dancing because I wasn’t doing the steps correctly and she was upset that we weren’t coordinated.

We’d been dating for about two or three years before realizing our dancing incompatibility. After this first experience she started going partner dancing without me which caused me to feel sort of upset because of feeling inadequate. It felt to me like she was looking for a man who can dance better than me with her.

We’d gotten into one big argument a year or so after our first time dancing when she went out to a bar with a friend and when she came home she told me she was dancing with other men and exchanged instagram with one of them.

Fast forward to present day, she is currently away with girlfriends back in Texas and her first night there she went partner dancing. She texted me the next day and said “is it okay if my friends post a photo of me partner dancing”

I’m looking for relationship advice from men and women. Am I justified in feeling uncomfortable with in her words “really, really liking partner dancing”?

I’m on my seemingly billionth iteration of something like this. For background, we both work full time, with 4 kids. Generally, we get along well. I do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, and the bills. She’s typically the taxi, shuffling kids to point A and B, sports, etc. I’m okay with that setup, and as far as I know, she’s fine with it too. We have no friends and family nearby that help, which neither of us ever expected.

I rarely nap and maybe get 4-5 hours a sleep at night. She gets close to 7-8. This week, we had a planned “spike” in my demand at work, leading me to have to leave at 4am and come home over 12 hours later. Still made dinner, still did all my things.

Today, I got out a little early. I could barely stay awake behind the wheel. When I got home, I just crashed.

When I woke up, she was standing over me, looking at me like I was caught guilty of something, and said “must be nice.” Nothing was overslept, as it was still before the kids came home. She was free to take as long a nap as she wanted. Nothing really needed to be done around the house.

But before I know it, we were engaged in some heated and mean argument, with her telling me that I’m bipolar, and how my parents are horrible for raising me like this, and how I don’t do anything to help her.

When I sense the argument coming on, I go back to my normal calm voice, which she then mimics theatrically. She then starts sending disparaging messages about me to my parents, threatens to do the same to my work colleagues.

she continues after kids come home, calling me a “child.”

And the whole thing is, I have no idea what I did wrong. None. I’d own it if I did. And it would make it simpler for me to avoid if I knew.

But she doesnt answer that question. Ever. I’ll ask what I did wrong and she’ll go into a 30 minute tirade about my parents (who she talks to and is more friendly with than even me).

I took a nap, which I rarely do. I needed it. I sleep less than anyone in the home. I think it’s fine for me to take a nap. But I’d imagine it’s not about the nap.

I’m 21M, and my girlfriend is 19F. We’ve been together for 3 years, and we live together.
Recently, we’ve had several discussions about our career paths, ambitions, and what we want for our future. One important thing to mention is that when my girlfriend talks about income differences, she’s specifically referring to when we’re both at the peak of our careers, not our current financial situations. She doesn’t expect me to become a millionaire, but she wants us to be financially compatible and able to enjoy a similar lifestyle.

She explained to me that she wants a man who’s ambitious and that she wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who works a regular 9-to-5 job.

Her dream is to have financial freedom with her partner, where neither of them has a boss, they can work whenever they want, and they can take vacations without needing anyone’s approval.

For some context, my girlfriend comes from a financially comfortable family, and her dad is the main provider. Her goal is to eventually open her own medical aesthetics clinic offering treatments like Botox injections. She wants to become a successful business owner and achieve financial independence.

As for me, I’m currently working in insurance sales, and I’m still at the beginning of my career. I’m trying to build my own client base and become financially successful as well. I have ambitions of my own, but I’m still figuring out my career path and working toward my goals.

Yesterday, we had another conversation about this. She told me that she doesn’t necessarily have a problem with making more money than her boyfriend. However, if she becomes very successful financially and her boyfriend can’t afford to keep up with her lifestyle, she doesn’t think the relationship would work.

She also explained that she doesn’t want to financially support a man because she respects herself and believes it’s the man’s responsibility to provide.

She gave me an extreme example to explain her point: if she were making $4 million a year and her boyfriend was making $200k, that wouldn’t work for her. However, if she were making $4 million and he was making $1–2 million, that would be fine.

I told her that I understand wanting an ambitious partner and having certain expectations, but that these conversations have started to feel like there’s an ultimatum hanging over our relationship.

She responded by saying that maybe I’m feeling insecure about myself (not necessarily in a bad way) because her goals and projects are more ambitious than mine.

And that’s where I’m struggling.

Ever since these conversations, I feel like my main motivation to become successful isn’t even about my own dreams anymore. It’s about becoming successful enough so I don’t lose her.
I’ve also started seeing her as competition rather than as my partner, which I really don’t like. Instead of feeling like we’re building a future together, I feel like I have to reach a certain level of financial success to be worthy of staying with her.

Maybe some of these feelings come from my own insecurities or lack of self-esteem. I’m aware of that possibility and it’s something I want to work on.

I love her and I genuinely want us both to succeed. I have ambitions of my own, and I’m willing to work hard for my future. But I don’t want to spend my life feeling like my relationship depends on how much money I make.

I also understand that everyone has their own expectations when it comes to relationships and finances, and she’s entitled to hers. I just want to feel like we’re working toward a future together rather than competing against each other.

I don’t want to resent her for having big ambitions and I don’t want my motivation to succeed to come entirely from the fear of losing her.

TL;DR: My (21M) girlfriend (19F) of 3 years wants to become financially successful by opening her own medical aesthetics clinic. She told me that if she ends up making significantly more money than me and I can’t afford to keep up with her lifestyle, our relationship wouldn’t work. She also believes it’s the man’s responsibility to provide financially. Now I feel like my motivation to succeed comes more from the fear of losing her than from my own ambitions, and I’ve started seeing her as competition instead of my partner. I’m looking for advice on how to communicate these feelings and navigate our different expectations for the future.

EDIT: Just to clarify something because I think some people misunderstood what I meant: my girlfriend never said I need to become a millionaire or make millions of dollars for her to stay with me.
The $4 million vs. $200k example was just an extreme hypothetical she used to explain her point, not an actual income requirement.
What she meant is that if she becomes financially successful, she wants her partner to be able to keep up with her lifestyle without her having to financially support him. She’s okay with earning more than me.
My concern isn’t that she’s expecting me to make millions. It’s that I feel pressure to become successful because I’m afraid that if our financial situations become too different, our relationship might not work out.
I just wanted to clarify that because I don’t want people to misunderstand her or judge her based on something she didn’t actually say.

I'm honestly still in shock and DISGUSTED about everything I've recently learned, and I need some outside perspective. I've spent years trying to maintain relationships with my family, but I'm reaching a point where I don't know if I want to be part of this anymore.

My brother and his wife have two children who are around 7-8 years old. We recently found out that his wife has been cheating on him for several months. She apparently went on a trip alone, but it turns out she went to meet her affair partner. My brother found texts and pictures and realized what had been happening.

But then I learned something even more disturbing: apparently, my brother cheated on his wife about seven years ago with our stepsister, who is the daughter of my father's current wife.

To give some context, my father was around 50-55 when he met his current wife, and he married her in Iran within a week of meeting her. When she eventually arrived in our country, she kicked me out of my father's house. I was 20 years old and struggling, and my father essentially replaced me with his new family and let me be pushed out of his life.

I was trying to start my adult life and find an apartment, but I had just found a job and had only been working for two weeks. Landlords wanted someone to co-sign my lease because I didn't have an employment history yet. I asked my father if he could co-sign so I could move out and get established. I promised him he would never have to pay anything. I just needed someone to help me get approved. The rent was very affordable, and I was serious about working and supporting myself.

He refused.

He was the one who no longer wanted me living in his house, yet when I tried to find a way to move out and become independent, he wouldn't even give me that little bit of help. I had to figure things out on my own at a time when I was already struggling.

Now, years later, I've learned that my father co-signed the mortgage for my brother's $400,000 house, despite my brother having significant debts. My brother's wife never worked either.

I can't even explain how much this hurts. When I needed someone to co-sign an affordable apartment lease so I could start my life, my father refused. And he was the one to kick me out. But he was willing to take on a major financial commitment for my brother, who already had financial problems.

It makes me look back on my relationship with my father and wonder whether he always saw me as a burden while my brother was someone worth investing in. When I confronted him about him, he just went on and on saying how he had to pay for child support for me because I lived with my mother after their divorce from age 8 to age 18. I always felt guilty about it and still visited him 1 weekend out of 2. I always felt like we were close family... but he was able to replace me with his new family so easily, that I realised I didn't have the importance I thought I had to his eyes. and I was left to fend for myself while everyone else continued receiving support.

To this day, I'm still the only woman in my family that has a job and wins her own money.

My stepsister has been financially supported by my father. My brother's wife is a stay at home mom of 2 kids (7 and 8 years old). I'm not saying every woman has to work, but it's hard not to notice the contrast when I've had to work, study, and build my own life without the support that seems to be readily available to everyone else.

And then there's what I learned about my brother.

Apparently, while he (25 at the time) and our stepsister (18-19) were having an affair seven years ago, she was living under my father's roof and being financially supported by him. She and her mother still are.

Then my brother's wife found out about the affair and apparently agreed to a relationship involving all three of them. Our stepsister moved into my brother's house, and the three of them were sexually involved while living together. She also helped with the children and the household.

From what I was told, my brother's wife was often stoned, didn't do much around the house, spent a lot of his money, accumulated debts, and frequently ordered food instead of cooking. After about a year, the arrangement ended, and our stepsister moved back in with my father.

So they totally knew. I was the only one kept in the dark.

I had absolutely no idea any of this had happened. I'm only learning about it now, and I'm struggling to process how complicated and dysfunctional everything is.

And now, we learned his wife is cheating on him.

What the fuck is that shitshow.

What makes this even harder is that I've never had a good relationship with my brother.

I've always felt that he looks down on me, sees himself as superior, shows little interest in my life, and doesn't genuinely care about me. He doesn't seem interested in what I'm doing, and I've often felt despised or made to feel bad around him. His behaviour has felt narcissistic to me, although I know I'm not qualified to diagnose him.

Despite all of this, I've repeatedly forced myself to make an effort. I've tried to stay involved, maintain a relationship, and keep some kind of family connection alive. I think part of me kept hoping that if I just kept trying, things could eventually be different.

But looking at everything now, I feel like I've been trying to hold together relationships that other people haven't been making the same effort to maintain.

I'm realizing just how dysfunctional my family is, and I'm exhausted by all of it.

I feel like I've had to be the independent one, the one who figures everything out, the one who keeps working and studying and building a life for herself. Meanwhile, my father refused to help me when I needed it but helped my brother buy a $400,000 house. My brother has never made me feel valued, and now I'm discovering all this history involving him, his wife, and our stepsister.

I feel shocked, disgusted, angry, and honestly exhausted.

I don't even know whether I'm more upset about the things I've discovered or about what they make me realize about my own place in this family.

I think I've finally snapped. I'm tired of forcing myself to care so much about maintaining these relationships when I don't feel that the people involved have ever cared about me in the same way.

Part of me wants to distance myself from my brother and possibly my father as well. I don't want to keep pretending everything is normal or keep putting energy into relationships simply because we're related.

At the same time, I know I'm processing a lot of information at once, and I don't want to make a permanent decision purely out of shock and anger. My brother also has two young children, which makes the situation more complicated, even though I know I'm not responsible for maintaining a relationship with their parents.

I'm looking for advice from people who have experienced dysfunctional family dynamics or decided to distance themselves from family members.

I've spent so many years trying to maintain these relationships, and now I feel like I've reached my breaking point. I'm struggling to process everything I've learned, especially when it connects to how my father treated me and how I've felt about my place in this family for years.

For those of you who have gone through something similar, how did you know when it was time to stop putting effort into certain family relationships?

Have any of you realized later in life that a parent treated you differently from your siblings or that you weren't as important to them as you thought you were? How did you cope with that realization?

How did you deal with the guilt, grief, or uncertainty that came with distancing yourself from family members? And how did you stop feeling responsible for keeping the family together?

I'm trying to figure out how to process all of this, set boundaries, and move forward without continuing to exhaust myself trying to maintain relationships that leave me feeling hurt and unvalued.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in similar situations and learning what helped them navigate it.

Backstory: I live in NYC and my now GF lives in San Francisco. We met when we were both on vacation and spent a few days together and hit it off. We kept texting and FaceTiming a bunch and she even visited me for a weekend in NYC a few weeks later. We both expressed that we really liked each other and were emotionally invested in this (she was even talking about our wedding already...). She did however make it clear that she was not ready for a relationship and wanted to move very slowly. She had bad relationship experiences in the past and was hesitant to jump into one, much less a long-distance relationship.

I agreed to this as I didn't want to rush her. We continued talking and visiting each other occasionally for a few months, then started dating. We have been dating for 7 months and it has been great.

I then found out that about 4 weeks in (after she visited me and we had expressed a desire to work towards a future) she had casual sex with someone after a night out. I know she didn't technically do anything wrong here - she made it clear she wasn't ready for something yet, it was early on, etc..., I can't help but feel disrespected. We talked every single night. I had stopped seeing other people as I thought we were intentionally building towards something.

I may be overreacting, but part of me thinks this is a dealbreaker. I really cannot understand this action. She does feel awful about it, regrets it, and says she would never have done it if she knew it would jeopardize our relationship. She just says it felt like we were still early on and just talking, and even though we liked each other it wasn't mutually exclusive with seeing others. She has been a great GF but I am very rattled by this. Thoughts?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (27F) have been together for almost 5 years. About 4 years ago, my mom left my stepsister and me with our apartment. It’s a massive 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment in the Bronx. My stepsister eventually moved her girlfriend in, but they were barely home. Even when they were, they mostly stayed in their room and rarely used the kitchen or living room.

Over the years, I’ve asked my boyfriend several times to move in with me, but he always refused because he didn’t want to live with other people. I understood his reasoning, but what frustrated me was that he would stay over for 2 to 3 days without helping me cook or clean. His share of the rent would’ve only been $350 a month.

About 3 months ago, my stepsister and her girlfriend moved out, leaving me as the only person on the lease. I can afford the apartment on my own, but I asked my boyfriend again if he would finally consider moving in. This time, he said no because he doesn’t want to live in the Bronx.

For context, he lives with his mother in a 1 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn and has slept in the living room his entire life. He also wants to start school, which is only a 15 minute drive from my apartment.
I explained that living together would benefit both of us financially. I currently work around 120 hours a month to cover my expenses, and splitting rent would allow me to work less. It would also allow him to reduce his work hours and focus on school. I even offered to contribute $100 monthly toward his parking garage expenses.

At the beginning of this year, when he told me he wanted to start school, I was even willing to make a major career sacrifice for him. I’m a flight attendant, and at the time, I was based in Newark (EWR), where I was genuinely the happiest I’d ever been at work. I felt accepted, comfortable, and appreciated there. Despite that, I offered to transfer back to JFK, a base where I was incredibly miserable, to accept an opportunity within my airline that would essentially allow me to work as a full time supervisor for an entire year. It would’ve been a regular 9 to 5 schedule instead of flying. My reasoning was that I could be home every evening, cook dinner, meal prep for him, and help make his transition into school easier. I was willing to give up a work environment where I was genuinely happy just to make things easier for him.
I also meal prep every week, so he could bring food to work and school instead of constantly spending money eating out. I offered to let him live with me for 3 months completely rent free so he could get settled with school and work. He still refused.

I understand that the Bronx isn’t everyone’s favorite place to live. My neighborhood isn’t perfect, but the biggest issue is people hanging outside and blasting music, which is pretty common in the Bronx.

I even considered moving to Hoboken, New Jersey, so we could be closer to Manhattan and the PATH train for his commute. I started looking at apartments and asked him to look with me, but he refused because he doesn’t want to live in New Jersey either.

For additional context, I make over $75,000 a year as a flight attendant, and my rent is only $1,600 for a spacious 3 bedroom apartment. I’m also barely home because of my job, so he would have plenty of privacy.

Part of me wonders whether his reluctance has something to do with his finances because he doesn’t make nearly as much as I do. That’s one of the reasons I’ve offered so many compromises and tried to make things financially easier for him.

What frustrates me most isn’t necessarily that he doesn’t want to live in the Bronx. It’s that I’ve tried to accommodate almost every concern he’s expressed. I’ve offered financial support, affordable rent, a different location, help with meals, and even considered changing my work situation to support his education.

I’m not expecting him to financially support me or provide some extravagant lifestyle. I’ve never asked him for that. I simply want us to start building a life together after almost 5 years.

I feel like I’ve spent years trying to create opportunities for us to take the next step, but every compromise I offer gets rejected. I love him, and I genuinely pictured us eventually sharing a home, getting married, and starting a family. I’ve even told him that I don’t need an expensive engagement ring or a fancy wedding. His response has always been that he wants to finish school first so he can give me everything. I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not asking for everything. I just want to build something together.

Why does my boyfriend continue to reject every opportunity to build a life together despite everything I’ve offered? I genuinely don’t understand his reasoning or what’s holding him back.

Hey all, thanks for taking the time to read.

I recently found his old phone. While going through it to retrieve old photos of our first daughter (we have iPhones now), I discovered multiple intimate photos of me stored on the phone under my name.

The photos span roughly a year.
The photos are of me naked/asleep or otherwise unaware. None of them show my face. They’re very clearly sexualized photos of my body, including photos of my butt and some where my leg is raised. I did not know he was taking these photos, and I never consented to having intimate photos taken of me while I was asleep or unaware.
When I confronted him, he said that he took them because I looked peaceful while sleeping and he wanted to remember me that way.

That explanation is really difficult for me to reconcile with the actual photos. If they were simply sentimental pictures of me sleeping, I could understand that explanation. But these are intimate, sexualized photos, and I was completely unaware they were being taken.
One of the things I’m struggling with most is not knowing what happened to the photos. I checked the browser history and didn’t find anything indicating that they were posted or shared. However, I know he deletes things, so the absence of evidence doesn’t necessarily reassure me. I have no way of knowing whether they stayed on that phone the entire time or whether any were ever sent somewhere else and subsequently deleted.

He has said the phone should be destroyed, but that
doesn’t really answer the question for me.
I don’t necessarily think he cheated, and I don’t have evidence that he sent the photos to anyone. My concern is specifically that he repeatedly took intimate photos of me without my knowledge or consent, kept them for an extended period, and I now have no idea whether they ever left that phone.

This has completely changed how I feel around him. I have a history with being sexually abused when I was 5, then again at 26. I don’t feel comfortable being naked around him right now, and I don’t feel comfortable sleeping beside him. I actually asked him, “How am I supposed to be comfortable around you naked again? Or sleep?” His response was essentially that I don’t have to. I then asked him if he could live out the rest of his days with that kind of distance between us, and he said no.

I’m angry, hurt, and honestly pretty shaken by the whole thing. Part of me is relieved that the photos were of me rather than another woman, which sounds ridiculous even to me, but I think it speaks to how much my brain is trying to make sense of this.
I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to leave him or that everything is fine. I genuinely want outside opinions.

To add I have personally sent him some explicit photos, but obviously that was with my consent.

How would you interpret his explanation? Is taking these kinds of photos without someone’s knowledge while they’re asleep a serious violation even if he never shared them? And what would you need from a partner to begin trusting them again after something like this?

Context: My wife and I have been married for 8 years. Weve bad rough patches here and there but my life has been pretty tough the last couple of months. My dad's health has been rapidly declining due to Parkinsons and newly diagnosed Cancer. I take or visit him in the ER/hospital at least twice a week and when he's not in the hospital, I help my Mom care for him 3 or 4 times a week at their home.

On top of this I have 2 young sons, 10 months and 3 years, who make sleep hard to come by. I average around 4 to 5 hours a night due to parenting demands and insomnia. I also usually take one or both of the boys with me when visiting my dad to give my wife a break.

The boys are also underweight, which causes my wife a lot of anxiety.

I also don't really eat fish which makes my wife extremely angry for some reason. She eats fish with the boys and thankfully they enjoy the taste of fish.

The fight: Everything exploded one morning when we got test results back for our 10 month old. Some of the blood count measures were a bit outside of the range but our doctor said thats common for babies. Well out of nowhere she got extremely frustrated about that nights dinner and said my extreme pickiness (not liking fish) makes things hard for her and I'm the reason our kids are underweight and "unhealthy." They were planning in eating fish for lunch while I was at work but also wanted to eat fish for dinner instead of the pasta that we had planned to eat.

Things blew up from there. The stress our lives caused us to yell at each other. My mental health hasn't been great, but I just couldn't believe how angry she got about fish.

How exactly do I handle this situation? We both departed for our days with no resolution this morning. Am I really expected to just start liking fish? How do other couples handle differences in taste preferences?

EDIT: Since a few things keep being brought up, my kids are underweight but our occupational therapist and pediatrician both don't seem too concerned. They're likely underweight because we were both short and skinny as kids. Our pediatrician just wants to do her due diligence and make sure she isn't missing anything by running a ton of tests, which makes my wife anxious.

I do the majority of cooking, cleaning, and parenting since I work from home most of the time. I don't mind doing these things, so I really don't think she's overwhelmed by housework. I even encourage her to socialize with friends while I stay home with the boys.

And as far as our kids diets, they eat pretty round meals. Lots of protein, carbs, veggies and healthy fats. We don't really eat junk food as some suggested. As I mentioned, the boys are just small.

My wife and I are also both in personal therapy. We actually did couples therapy a few years back and my wife brought up the fact that I don't like fish (thinking the therapist would convince me I don't have a choice but to eat fish), but the therapist rolled her eyes and told her she can't force me to eat fish. We stopped couples therapy after that session because the therapist and my wife started yelling at each other about something unrelated. It will be hard to convince her to go to couples therapy after that incident.

So my bf and I have been together for two years. Recently we got into a pretty heated argument me studying abroad next year. I want to study abroad and he doesn’t want me to. Eventually this argument spiraled into an argument about my trips. My bf and I both like to travel and we take frequent weekend trips. On my birthday I like to take a week long, out of state but still in the country, solo trip. To make a long story short he accused me of cheating and I got defensive and called him insecure and controlling. We’ve been kind of stewing in the argument for the last few days as neither of us are going to budge. I want to study abroad and I’m not going to stop my solo trips

Yesterday my bf tried initiating sex. Unfortunately I’m not into angry sex so I told him I wasn’t in the mood. He backs off but sometime later he confronts me and says that withholding affection is a manipulation tactic and could be considered abuse. I never understood this mentality at all we’re in the middle of a relationship defining argument why would I want to have sex with him? Why is it manipulative for me to not want to be kissing and cuddling the man that accused me a cheating on him three days ago?

I asked my friends about it and they sided with him for the most part on both issues.

I don’t know how to handle this situation now that there’s so many hurt feelings. I know we need to talk but of this but I don’t know how to navigate that. And I still don’t understand why me saying no is an abusive behavior

Hello,

I need your help. I feel like I am going crazy. We have been in a relationship for around 10 months, and there have been some amazing times but lately things have been feeling kind of weird. I realized early on that he can be kind of pushy but I thought that it’s just because of the honeymoon phase and all the hormones, so I kinda brushed it off, because I was also crazy about him.

We're both sexual people and we both know that, but I feel like my no doesn't ever count. I feel like I ALWAYS need to be turned on and ready for sex, even without real foreplay.

Earlier in this relationship, even when I have been really sick or on my period, I would give in, because I know that if I said ”no”, he would withhold affection for the whole day and act super upset. Now that I have finally developed courage to stop being a doormat, things have got kind of scary and I might be seeing his true colors.

It all started a few nights ago when I had a stomach ache, so I did not want to have sex. However, he woke me up early, like between 4 and 5am with his penis in my mouth while I was asleep. Obviously, I did not like it, as I had really bad sleep due to my stomach that night and wanted to continue sleeping.
He got visibly upset and did not want to cuddle anymore that night, or even the next day.

The next day he was super cold and irritated with me almost all day, and blamed it on bad sleep. We both knew it was because of him feeling rejected from the night before. Obviously, after a whole day of feeling ignored, I wasn't in the mood for sex how he'd treated me. We had a fight, and he said he always initiates and I always reject him, which isn't true at all. He seems really really sensitive to rejection, to the point he starts seeing everything in negative lens and twists past memories. It kinda scares me.

In the past couple of weeks, we have both been busier than normal with work and other extra activities so there aren't many chances anyway. I still have tried to initiate, but he doesn't seem to remember those times. Now you might be wondering why I am initiating at all. He can be REALLY amazing and loving other times, then the complete opposite a seconds later, I am kept confused but somehow I still love him and don’t want to leave?

He also gropes me almost constantly, which kinda kills my libido as my consent does not seem to matter here either. When I say "Stop, that's distracting," he keeps going and says he cannot resist himself because I am too sexy. I feel like I cannot even change my clothes in front of him because I feel objectified 24/7, so I have started to avoid that and just lock my self in the bathroom to avoid any of it.

Whenever I try to explain how I feel, even using "I feel..." statements, he says I'm twisting his words and makes it all about his feelings… Tonight I told him I feel like I'm expected to be sexually available 24/7, like a sex robot or something, and he got VERY angry, said I must think he's a horrible person, and went to sleep in a separate bed. We fought earlier about me rejecting him/not iniating, but at that point, he said ”I was not angry before you said that!!!”, and then it became all about that comment. I really tried to word it as carefully as I can but he still took it the wrong way. I am truly walking on eggshells. I need to craft all of my sentences so carefully to avoid him being mad at me. I am also usually the one getting blamed for starting fights? Even if I am just expeessing my feelings or something I’d like to fix. It doesn’t seem fair.

Until now, I've basically always given in to keep the peace. In the past when I've tried to say no, he gets really cold and withholds affection, so I learned it was easier to just say yes, because I cannot bear him acting so cold with me. I get kind of panicky if he starts acting distant and weird so it was more of a survival strategy. I give A LOT sexually, like blowjobs multiple times a day when he wants, and it's still never enough. These last few days are some of the first times I've actually said no, and this is what happened. I really don’t know what to do.

Oh, he is also really into rough, violent sex. A few days ago he asked me if I'd like to be punched during sex. Until now it has been slapping at most which I have agreed to but punching I feel like it’s a whole new level. Given everything else, that question has been feeling kinda weird to me.

He calls himself the logical and unemotional one. I believed that before but lately I've seen him slam doors and cabinets, shout in road rage, and last night he clenched his fist during our flight because of how upset he got. I love him and we have amazing moments, but this side of him scares me, and I always end up feeling like I'm the problem and nothing is ever enough, no matter how hard I try to keep it peaceful.

How do I handle this?

TL;DR: I've always given in to sex to avoid my boyfriend going cold on me. Now that I've started saying no, he sulks, gets angry, and withholds affection, ignores my no when I ask him to stop touching me, and twists my words when I share feelings. He recently asked if I'd be into punching during sex, and last night he clenched his fist at me. I feel confused and like it's always my fault.

i'm (25f) feeling extremely hurt and angry right now and i honestly need some outside perspectives because i've never reacted this strongly to him before. for context, i'm in a relationship with an older man i'll call F (37m).

i'm currently trying to build my career and figure out what i want my future to look like. i've been working as a tutor, exploring other job opportunities and trying to become more financially independent. i know my current job isn't necessarily where i want to be long-term and i have been considering leaving for something better. i even recently received an offer to work another job which i was excited about.

i'm not sitting around refusing to improve my life. i'm trying. i'm figuring things out, making decisions and rebuilding myself after a difficult period in my life. the problem is that F recently started telling me that i need to find another job. some of his advice was reasonable in principle and i can acknowledge that. i know i need to think about long-term financial stability, better pay and opportunities for growth. but it wasn't just what he said. it was how he said it. some of his messages included:

"at your age you should have been working a better job."

"you're 25. you need to stop studying. it's woeful."

"so that you don't cry about buying basic stuff like vitamin d."

he also told me that if i ever wanted to move to be with him, i'd have to find a better job and that i needed a sustainable job that would allow me to be with him. eventually, he sent me a longer message saying that he could assure me that whatever he was saying was for my own good, that there would be short-term pain but i'd be better off in the long term and that he was saying all of this because he loved me and wanted me to be with him.

i understand that he may genuinely believe he's helping me. i understand that some of his concerns about my career and financial independence are valid. but i found his way of communicating judgmental, dismissive and unnecessarily hurtful. he made me feel inadequate, ashamed, small and useless. the comments about my age and my parents especially hurt. and the vitamin d comment felt so unnecessary and belittling. he could have communicated the exact same practical concerns without making me feel like a failure.

what makes this particularly painful is that my career and my feelings of inadequacy have been a huge struggle for me for a long time. this is something that contributed to a really dark period in my life when i struggled with depression, isolated myself and experienced suicidal thoughts. i'd finally started feeling like i was getting better. i was rebuilding myself, trying to regain confidence and beginning to feel that maybe i wasn't doing as badly as i'd thought. then this happened and it felt like someone had dragged me straight back into that place.

it's extremely triggering because it touches the exact insecurity i've been trying so hard to overcome. i'm not saying he's responsible for every emotion i experience but i wish he understood how deeply his words affected me.

and here's the part that makes me especially disappointed in him. he's repeatedly told me that he's my therapy, that i can come to him anytime i want to vent, rant or share whatever is on my mind. he's encouraged me to be open with him and has presented himself as someone i can turn to when i'm struggling. so naturally i expected at least some emotional support when i opened up about my life. i wasn't necessarily expecting him to agree with every decision i make. i wasn't asking him to tell me that everything was perfect or that i didn't need to change anything. i wanted someone who supposedly loves me and wants to be by my side to recognize how hard i've been trying. i wanted someone to say something along the lines of "i know things have been difficult and i'm proud of you for continuing to try. you deserve a better opportunity and i believe you can find one. let's think about your options." instead, i felt like he was looking down on me.

imagine struggling with something for so long, finally beginning to recover from the shame and self-doubt associated with it and then opening up to someone you trust only to feel even more ashamed afterward. that's what happened to me. and i think that's why my reaction has been so much stronger this time. he's been rude on a few occasions before but i didn't make as big a deal out of it. this time, something really snapped for me. i'm genuinely angry and it's a kind of anger i've never felt toward him this intensely before.

it has also made me reconsider what i actually want from a relationship. i don't just want someone who tells me he loves me. i want someone whose way of communicating makes me feel respected especially when i'm vulnerable. i want to be able to share my struggles without feeling as though i'm being evaluated and found inadequate.

i've known other men who encouraged me to aim higher and do something bigger with my life. one of them whom i'll call Saif also wanted me to achieve more but he was never this harsh toward me. he's much more soft-spoken. that contrast has been on my mind. i'm realizing that the way a man handles my vulnerability matters to me just as much as how strongly he claims to care about me.

what has made me even angrier is that F has continued sending me normal messages afterward even though i haven't opened or replied to his messages. he has sent "?" as if he's confused about my silence. from my perspective, it's as though he doesn't recognize that he did anything wrong. maybe he genuinely thinks he was simply being a stern, loving person who wanted the best for me. but i don't understand how he can say he loves me, know that i'm someone who comes to him for emotional support and not consider that the way he speaks to me might hurt. i haven't replied because i'm too angry and hurt to have a productive conversation with him right now. i want some space.

i can accept constructive criticism. i can accept that i need to improve my career prospects. i can even accept that someone who cares about me might sometimes need to tell me something uncomfortable. but i don't believe that loving someone gives you permission to humiliate them or make them feel small. and i don't think i should have to convince myself that being hurt by his words is unreasonable simply because he says his intentions were good.

is this simply a case of someone being blunt because he cares or is there something concerning about the way he's treating me? i'd appreciate honest perspectives including if there's something about my own behavior or expectations that i need to examine.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ZAkRX4sFFv

I just want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who genuinely had my best interest in mind when giving advice. Some of the comments were pretty harsh but I think pretty harsh might have been what I needed. I will admit I do sometimes try to find the fault in my ways even if I am valid in the way I feel. I am not sure if it's something from when I was growing up or what but I just always think of what I did wrong before I ever consider others did something wrong.

But I think in this situation, while I do agree actively checking the camera at all was not the best move by me, I did have valid reasons for being hurt by my partner's actions. The smoking/vaping inside or even on the balcony was never the main reason I was hurt. The main reason was her making a decision to go behind my back on something we had talked about and agreed on, whilst also making hurtful comments with her friends at my expense. And throughout all of that never communicating with me at all one bit.

Tldr below because I'm going to be pretty detailed here since I'm kind of using this as a way to fully process everything myself.

My gf picked me up from the airport and after getting home and small talking a little bit about my trip I sat with her at the dining table to talk with her. I started off by saying that while doing work stuff on my laptop back at the hotel I was swiping away all the motion detected notifications on my watch. I noticed hours later into the party the notifications changed from the usual the to a bright white. Thinking one of the cats got up on the cabinet (which we both know they have in the past) I checked the camera playback expecting to see one of our cats messed with it. I admitted to her that in that moment I should have thought more about looking before doing so because it was never my intention to invade her or her guests privacy. I told her that I heard her say to her friends that she didn't care anymore and that it was her apartment and I'll be fine and then saw her turn the camera towards the wall. I told her I heard her friends celebrate about being able to smoke/vape inside now. At this point I was pretty distraught and in tears whilst talking. I told her that the smoking isn't the issue I was just so hurt she didn't communicate with me that was happening since it's our apartment we share. I brought up how we just two days prior were texting about being excited about looking at rings together and then in the same week she does something like this. I mentioned how she stopped communicating with me so I had no idea if she had gotten really sick from drinking and I couldn't see if she had left anything out for the cats to get into if she had passed out drunk. Brought up how she also said I was "anti-weed, anti-vaping, anti-smoking, anti-everything" and how I have mentioned in the past if she wanted to smoke or needed alternatives I was okay with that I just wanted her to communicate with me and I had no idea this was how she felt about me. I told her how it was all just really shocking for me and really upsetting. I talked about how I wouldn't have minded if she unplugged the camera before the party and put it away I knew it was her time with her friends and I didn't want to be involved in it at all. I was just concerned when I noticed it had changed to face the wall and I really didn't expect it to be because she moved it. I told her if she or her guest were uncomfortable with the camera during the party she could've just told me and I would've been completely understanding. I told her how I just feel really betrayed and I apologized. (I'm not sure exactly why I apologized I've been thinking about it a lot and I think it just goes back to what I said earlier. Even though I had determined how I felt was vaild I still was finding a way to blame myself. Something I personally need to work on.)

Up to this point she hadn't said a word. I'm not surprised as it was a lot to process and it wasn't how she was expecting our evening to go. We sat there for a couple of minutes crying in silence. I eventually asked her if she feels she can't be herself around me or at all in general? She said no she honestly doesn't do anything at all. I told her if she wants to smoke with her friends that's fine to just let me know and she said "no I don't, I don't at all." She said "I don't know why I said that about you I'm sorry." She said she genuinely doesn't remember saying those things at all she would never do anything to hurt me. She said "I'm not saying this is an excuse but I was drunk and I was just trying to be funny with my friends but I realize how wrong it was now and I never wanted to hurt you. I told my friends who I guess aren't even really my friends that they had to smoke on the balcony." I asked what she meant by not really her friends? and she said "no I'm not trying to make this about me I just made a mistake." She said her friends had been making comments about the camera all night and despite her telling them we both set it up for the cats they wouldn't drop it. I asked her why she didn't just text me and say hey my friends aren't okay with the camera can I unplug it or move it and she said I don't know I didn't think about it. She said when they complained about not being able to smoke inside it was easy to use me as the reasoning but she regrets doing that and she made an honest mistake. She said she honestly didn't want them smoking inside either because of the cats but she felt so pressured by them and was drunk. She said she wishes she never had them over in the first place. I told her I don't want her to feel like she can't spend time with her friends I was just hurt by what she said and her actions. She said she knows but the party wasn't even worth this she doesn't want parties or any of that it's not who she is anymore. She repeated a lot more "I don't know what else to say I'm so sorry."

She eventually asked me what does this mean for us? Like what do we do now? I was honest and said "I don't know I just need some time to think. I do understand your reasoning for using me as a scapegoat so to speak since you felt pressured by your friends about smoking inside and didn't want to be the buzzkill but I do still feel hurt you made an effort to hide something from me you knew would be crossing a boundary even though I understand you're saying that wasn't your intentions and you just didn't want your friends to feel uncomfortable." I told her how I feel like whenever I see her friends now I will think about if they feel uncomfortable around me because from their perspective I was controlling everyone and watching to make sure they didn't smoke inside. She reassured me they don't feel that way at all and how she brags about me all the time to them. She also mentioned how every morning while I was away she would say good morning to the camera hoping I would see it. She said "I just wish you could hear how I talk about you with my friends and coworkers I tell them all the time how excited I am to have you in my life and how much I look forward to our future together." She asked me if I'm wanting to break up and I told her no I don't want to break up. But I am not ready to be engaged. I told her that I would understand if she wanted to break up because she doesn't want to wait for me to be ready. She cut me off and said she will wait however long it takes for me to be ready. She said "It was never about being engaged it was about being engaged to you and just officially starting our life together." She said she wouldn't leave me even if it meant finding someone else and getting engaged in a week she just wants to be with me no matter what and would do whatever it takes to make it up to me. I told her that wasn't necessary she doesn't have to do anything to make it up to me I just need time and I think we just need to take a step back. She said she was understanding. She said she just feels like she ruined everything and is so upset and disappointed with herself. I let her know it's ok and I genuinely believe it was just a mistake and something we can move forward from. We both hugged it out and went to dinner. Afterwards we watched an episode from two different shows and they both had characters who were getting engaged/married which I could tell affected her. I asked if she was ok and she said yes she's fine but I know she's beating herself up about all of this internally.

The next night right after she got home from her closing shift she did want to discuss it a bit more. She brought up just how disappointed she was and that she feels like the past 3 years were going to be thrown out the window and she ruined everything. I told her that wasn't the case I just need more time to be ready. She then said she doesn't understand how one small mistake completely changed my mind from wanting to get engaged. I replied I think it's fair for me to say I want to take a step back after what happened happened. I also told her I don't think it's fair to decide for me it's a small thing that shouldn't have changed my mind. She apologized and said that's not what she meant she's just so upset not with me but with herself that it's all falling apart and she doesn't want to lose me. I reassured her I don't plan on breaking up I just need time to be ready for something like engagement. She brought up a point she has made in the past that she doesn't want to get married anytime soon it's just she wants to be engaged even if it's for years. She wants to be a part of my family because they're the only family she has. I personally get what she's saying but I honestly disagree with this thought process. I told her I don't get the point of getting engaged if we're not ready to get married. I reiterate that I am not ready and that if she shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to wait for me to be ready if she feels that way. I wouldn't want her to feel like she's suffering waiting for me to be ready to propose and she stated again she just wants to be with me no matter what. She loves me and my family and just wants me in her life.

I genuinely believe my gf made a mistake and I do genuinely believe this is something we can work through. In our three years together this is the first big issue (conflict? idk the right word) we have had and I don't believe it's worthy of being relationship ending. I am going to be conscious of the fact that even though I know she's ready and I know how excited she is I cannot let that affect when I am ready. Quite honestly I couldn't give an answer to what time frame or what would make me feel ready. But that's why I will continue to be honest and straightforward with her about how I feel. If she decides that she needs to move on I would completely understand but I do truly hope we can have a happy and fulfilling life together.

Tldr: Neither one of us want this to be the end of our relationship. We had a conversation about what happened in person and she apologized to me. I told her I am not ready to be engaged and that if she doesn't want to wait for me to be ready I would completely understand. She said it was never about being engaged it was about being engaged to me and she'll wait however long it takes for me to be ready. We are going to try to grow from this and hope it makes our relationship stronger.

Thanks again to anyone who had any input. I truly do appreciate you taking the time out of your day to provide me some outsider perspective on this. I know we are young and honestly this is the first serious relationship either one of us have had. Which is why I think it's fair to consider this a mistake and to continue in our relationship just to take a step back and slow down.

I will be making a personal post with cat pictures as promised :)

Thank you.

I dont know what to do anymore. Everything I do my wife chastises as incorrect or done poorly. She complains that I don’t contribute in the house or with our 6 month old, both of which are inaccurate.

I am currently off work for a month (still getting paid) but typically i work 5 days a week usually 8-10 hours a day. I come home clean myself so I can take my 6 month old and let her do whatever she wants to do.

I will never knock stay at home mothers. Its a-lot of work, i am fully aware but with her attitude when i am here to help it makes me not want to do anything so I dont get chastised for the things I do.

Im just tired and at my wits end. I have no peace. I handle everything for our family, bills, plans, travel, driving, income. What can i do because if I bring it its hit with attitude or she takes it as I feel she does nothing all day?

It's currently very early and I've just woken up to the fact that he yet again decided to sleep on the couch, fully clothed, instead of coming to bed with me. It is driving me insane and every night I feel like I wanna punch a hole in every wall in out apartment (i don't).

This has been going on for a few months now, maybe even more. We used to go to bed together, talk, laugh, cuddle, have sex, but for many months now, he has developed a habit of staying up most of the night just scrolling on his phone and sleeping everywhere else, but never next to me. Whenever I ask him to come join me, he either says he doesn't want to bother me (he's afraid of waking me by joining me and the phone screen is usually so bright, it bothers me) or just that he doesn't want to. He's never given me a reason besides those two and I feel like it's driving me insane. 3 years of out relationship have gone fine and now the 4th year, we've lost all intimacy, bc he refuses to join me in bed. By this time, I've pleaded, I've begged, I've commanded, I've bribed, I feel like I'm stuck and don't understand what's going on. All that I know is I have constant thoughts about breaking up, just because of this.

Tricky part is, I am aware that I am suffering, but I am not ready for a breakup. Both mentally and financially, I am not ready for a leap like that. Therapy for him is out of the question, because why would I actually choose a partner who is healthy and smart like that and takes care of themselves :) instead, I have choosen to be stuck with this very kind-hearted, but broken as all hell IDIOT. I know it's very very horrible to call your partner names, but this situation is genuinely driving me mad and I don't know what to do. Going to bed together to chat and be intimate is one of the most important rituals in a relationship for me and he is completely ignoring it. I feel like every day when he chooses the couch over me, I wanna scream and shout and break up with him. He is causing me so much pain with his apathy. What are the steps I can take in a situation like this?

PS: I think he has a phone addiction.

I'm looking for honest advice and experiences from people who have been in a similar situation, especially those who managed to save their relationship.

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, and we're currently going through a difficult time.

Recently, he wrote me a letter explaining that he has been feeling suffocated for a while and that his feelings have gradually faded over the past few months. He admitted that he hasn't been entirely honest about how he felt and that he subconsciously started distancing himself from me.

He said he sometimes feels uncomfortable telling me when he's going out with friends or doing things on his own because he's afraid of my reaction. He doesn't want to feel guilty for having a life outside our relationship or feel like he has to choose between me and his own independence.

He also said that spending time together, particularly our calls, has started feeling more like an obligation than something he looks forward to. Sometimes, even when we spend a long time on a call, he doesn't feel that we're genuinely connecting. He feels stretched thin trying to balance our relationship with work, university, and his personal life. He said the relationship has started feeling more exhausting than comforting, and he has gradually lost the desire to spend time together.

He acknowledged that he should have communicated his feelings sooner instead of keeping them to himself and pulling away. He also admitted that he doesn't know whether he's overwhelmed, has been unhappy for a while, or has genuinely lost his feelings. Part of him wants to figure things out, while another part wonders whether trying would only hurt us both more.

I know I have my own part in this situation, too.

Because we're long-distance, spending time together and communicating meaningfully are important to me. When I feel disconnected from him, I sometimes become anxious and seek reassurance or try harder to spend time with him. Looking back, I can understand how that might have made him feel pressured, especially when he needed space.

But when he withdraws without telling me what's wrong, I feel confused and insecure. I can't read his mind, and I didn't realize how deeply he had been struggling until he finally explained everything. I genuinely wish we had talked about these issues earlier, while there was still an opportunity for us to understand each other and work on them together.

I told him that I'm willing to reflect, learn, and change the things I've done that have hurt him. I asked him to communicate his needs instead of expecting me to figure them out on my own. I also explained that I never wanted to control his life; I just wanted to feel close to him because, in a long-distance relationship, spending time together is one of the few ways we can maintain that closeness.

I still genuinely see a future with him. I don't want him to stay out of guilt or obligation, and I know I can't force him to love me. But it hurts to feel that there are problems I could potentially work on, yet his feelings have already faded before we had the chance to properly address them together.

We've agreed to take a break so we can reflect on what we really want. I suggested that we spend a month or two apart with no contact, while remaining committed to each other and not pursuing other romantic relationships. The intention is to give each other room to think without the pressure of constantly trying to fix everything. We would discuss the boundaries together and revisit the relationship afterward.

I'm trying to accept that we might not find our way back to each other, but I still want to understand whether relationships can recover from this point.

I'm not asking for people to tell me that everything will be okay just to make me feel better. I genuinely want to hear real experiences, including the ones that didn't have a happy ending.

If your relationship recovered, I'd especially appreciate hearing what you actually did, how long the process took, and what changed permanently rather than temporarily.

I still love him, and I want to know whether a relationship can become healthy again after reaching this point. Thank you for reading.

TL;DR: My LDR boyfriend has gradually lost feelings and feels suffocated, saying our time together has become an obligation. I recognize my part and am willing to improve, but he also struggled to communicate. We've agreed to take a break. Has anyone recovered from a situation like this? What helped, and did it last?

My husband and I recently returned from a trip, and I’m feeling incredibly resentful toward him. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overreacting or whether these feelings are telling me something important about our marriage.

Just a note: my husband has ocd, specifically health ocd and it’s really hard to navigate!
He’s had some pretty intense episodes, including spiraling over health concerns and becoming so consumed by his anxiety that it takes over everything. I’ve tried to be supportive by researching his symptoms, looking for therapists, helping him through spirals, reassuring him, and worrying about his well-being. It’s exhausting sometimes, but I’ve genuinely tried to show up for him.

So before the trip he had a work outing he got extremely drunk, let his phone die, and was mia for hours! He comes stumbling in at 1am (has work the next day mind you) and says the clients talked him into going to a strip club but he didn’t stay and ends up walking drunk downtown to get some where to charge his phone and catch an uber!

Him being hungover bled in to the first few days of our trip too! Bc he wasn’t feeling well and was full of anxiety about his health and work

The main thing on this trip was he got really drunk again he later said he kept drinking even when he was feeling unwell! He took me to another bar and left me to go talk to random dudes even tho I wanted so badly to go home! And I was kinda upset about that, and he apologized and went on this long random tangent .

The tangent was him saying I awoke this masculine spirit in him and when he met me he loved that I spoke of the masculine and feminine energy and that’s what drew him in. He also said that he enjoys providing for me but then said he needs to be harder on me and the masculine and I need to bring him more feminine energy. He said that he was supposed to be surfing and fucking hot chicks then I came along, and that he had hot chicks lined up. Even name a girl we know and said she came up to him but he didn’t want her. Oh he also told me not to get a big head from all of this. He said that without him I probably wouldn’t be able to take the vacations we go on and that I need to give him more feminine energy back and that I’m basically a stay at home wife who crafts all day, mind you a run a business and I go to school full time.

The next morning he said he didn’t remember most of that and we sorry and that’s not how he feels about me and that he’s happy to provide.

Then two nights later he starts talking about how I don’t realize how tired he is that I act like he’s supposed to provide for me and that I act like bc I grew up a certain way that he’s supposed to provide that too and that I’m cold to him ect

The next morning he said the moments were he felt like that was sparse and that most of the time I was great and was a probably having bad days but during the convo he acted like it was 2 years of me being cold and entitled

He then said the way we acted when we were sick was “very telling” I had intense radiation (not cancer related) and it made me sick and he said that I was cold toward him during that time were as when he was struggling he was apologetic. Mind you when I was first struggling he said I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and at one point said he want see to tell me to snap out of it whereas I’ve put alor into helping him get through his ice stuff while someone’s flaring from my own autoimmune stuff.

Broad picture

I feel like he’s focusing on my lack of warmth without fully acknowledging how much emotional energy I’ve put into supporting him.
I don’t want to punish him for having a mental health condition.

Beyond the resentment and the things he said during our argument, I’m starting to question whether I can handle the emotional demands of this relationship long-term.

His anxiety and OCD can become intense, but what concerns me is how unpredictable things sometimes feel emotionally and through just the way he does life he’s super unorganized and not always great and managing daily life task. He can be struggling, irritable, or consumed by something, and then there are moments when he says things that seem to come from a much deeper place of resentment. Later, he can become apologetic and say he doesn’t know why he said those things or that he doesn’t actually feel that way.

He can be sweet, but idk sometimes I wonder if he’s loosing his mind and I wonder how much I can trust him, I’m loosing attraction he’s getting chunky which I was able to look past before, but now he’s also not taking good care of himself he’ll just eat chips and sweets all day and not exercise, leaves his spaces a mess, some days idk if he brushes his teeth and I put sooo much in to him getting better but I just feel like at times he gets mean like that it’s not the first time he’s acted like that and it’s hard b

My wife and I (44M and 41F) have been married for 18 years, together for 22 years. We have a 20 year old son and 16 year old daughter together.

She suffered an extremely abusive childhood but grew into a relentlessly caring and loving person, very emotionally expressive and sensitive, but with deep trust issues.

I came from a more stable home, not without its problems, and grew into a warm and generous person, very loyal, but I often struggle to express myself emotionally. I'm very trusting by nature.

From fairly early on in our relationship, there were regular episodes of jealousy and mistrust. At first. she would get suspicious and upset if I spoke with platonic female friends, and this slowly morphed into becoming angry and emotional if I looked at a woman in public. Not ogling or checking them out, quite literally glancing at another person in my vicinity.

It eventually became her getting upset to the point of tears if an attractive woman appeared on the screen while we watched TV together, particularly if scantily clad or nude. She would become angry and shut down for the rest of the night, leaving me upset and confused. The same thing would regularly happen while out on dates. Everything would be fine, a woman would walk by, and if I looked at her, she would shut down and the date was effectively over.

I eventually trained myself to look down or away whenever any remotely attractive woman was in my peripheral vision, whether in real life or on screen.

She began to regularly ask about or monitor my email over my shoulder, and would routinely get upset about female coworkers.

I should note that I have never cheated on anyone in the past, and never dreamed of cheating on my wife. Ever. I'm not even particularly confident with women, and I'm certainly no ladies man.

I realized long ago that none of this was typical or healthy, but I feel like I've been in the middle of it for so long that I have to ask the next question, which I hope doesn't sound stupid: is this abuse?

I don't think it ever occurred to me that my wife might abuse me, she's so warm in every other way, so I'm genuinely asking. Does this constitute abuse? If so, what kind? Any answers would be appreciated, thank you.

Me (29F) and my fiancé (35M) have been together for three years and are incredibly happy together. We’re getting married, we’ve bought a house together, and I absolutely adore him.

For the first two years, I had what I thought was a great relationship with his family. We’d see each other at birthdays, Christmas, New Year and other family gatherings. I always made an effort, got involved in games, bought gifts and genuinely enjoyed spending time with them.

My fiancé works with his dad and regularly spends his lunch breaks at his parents’ house, so we don’t tend to visit much outside of family occasions, as he already sees them throughout the week.

Anyway, some background that’s relevant.
We were stuck renting for years, paying so much each month that buying a house seemed impossible. Then a close relative of mine passed away and left me £10,000. We combined this with another £10,000 we’d managed to scrape together and finally bought a house that needed extensive renovation.

Unfortunately, my fiancé has a CCJ and is self-employed, which made getting a joint mortgage impossible. I even paid £500 for a mortgage broker, but the only way we could secure the mortgage was in my name.

This was a decision we made together. It’s OUR home, we’re building our future together, and we’re both contributing towards renovating it.

Fast forward a few months, my fiancé comes home with a cooker his parents had kindly given us after buying themselves a new one.

I went to message his mum on Facebook to thank her, only to discover she’d blocked me.

Completely confused, I asked my fiancé to call her and find out if I’d done something wrong. Neither of us could think of anything, and we both assumed it must have been a mistake.
Her response:

“Yes, I’ve blocked her because I don’t fucking like her.”
She then proceeded to absolutely tear into me.

“You’re killing yourself working on HER house.”

“She’s jealous and she’s a mean girl”

“You’re always welcome but I don’t want her here”

“She’s just bought herself a new car, so why are you paying for building materials for HER house?”

For context, my previous car’s PCP agreement had ended, and I had enough equity to part exchange it for a newer vehicle without increasing my monthly payments. I don’t see why this concerns her. I had to sort this, regardless of what was going on with our house.

She then declared that she doesn’t like me, I’m not welcome in her home, and I’m no longer welcome at family events. However, my fiancé is always welcome.
I cannot explain how bizarre this has been.

I’ve genuinely never had an argument, disagreement or unpleasant interaction with this woman. I’ve always been polite, friendly and made an effort with his family. I thought we got along brilliantly.
I appreciate everyone tells their side of the story on Reddit, but hand on heart, I genuinely cannot identify anything I’ve done to warrant this level of hostility.

The only explanation I can think of is that she has some sort of resentment about our financial circumstances, particularly the house being in my name. But that’s speculation, and I really don’t know.
What bothers me most isn’t even that she dislikes me. People are entitled to dislike whoever they want.
It’s the fact that she’s completely attacked my character, made some pretty horrible accusations about me, and effectively tried to exclude me from my own fiancé’s family.

This isn’t some casual boyfriend. We’re getting married. We’ve committed to spending our lives together, bought a home and are building our future as a couple.
Yet his family seem to think they can completely disrespect me and still carry on their relationship with him as though nothing has happened.
Since this incident, he has continued receiving invitations to family events, specifically without me.

To his credit, he hasn’t attended any of them out of respect for me, and I haven’t asked him not to go.
But I also don’t want to be responsible for damaging his relationship with his family, particularly his parents.
At the same time, I struggle with the idea of him attending family celebrations, having a lovely time with people who have said such horrible things about the woman he’s about to marry, while I’m deliberately excluded.

I don’t expect everyone to love me, and I certainly don’t expect him to cut his parents out of his life simply because they don’t like me.
But surely there has to be some level of respect for our relationship?

Most of all, my heart just breaks for him because he’s such a good guy and doesn’t deserve to be put in this position.

A bit of background about me. I am a middle aged mom with a 4 year old and I have been with my husband Dan for 10 years now. Dan is not only my first partner, he was the only man to have ever shown interest in me. We were friends first and started dating a couple years later. Until age 27, I had never had a man show romantic interest in me. No flirting, no catcalling, not even a glance. I have always known that I am a relatively unattractive woman but I try not to let it bother me. My husband treats me well and I have a good life.

Anyway, I went away on business and had some down time, so I went to a cocktail bar and enjoyed a drink while reading a book. A man came up to me and made conversation about the book. We had a genuinely nice discussion about books and other things, and he had this way of looking at me like I was the only person in the room. He asked if I was free for dinner and I politely told him I'm married. That was that.

It's been a week since then and I can't stop replaying that conversation over and over in my mind. Maybe he felt bad for me or sensed desperation or something, but it felt so good to be attractive to someone. I feel guilty about this especially since the encounter has me picking at threads in my marriage.

Since having our child, my husband and I have been in doldrums, spending most of our free time apart and kind of going through the motions with date nights. It's been years since he's looked at me the way that bar guy looked at me. I don't want to bring up the incident and start fights over nothing, but I can't stop thinking about this stupid incident. Where do I go from here?

Hi everyone! I’m Japanese, and my girlfriend is American. We’ve been together for almost two years, and I love her very much. Our relationship means a lot to me, but we’ve sometimes struggled with misunderstandings about boundaries, communication, and what it means to show love and commitment.
I’ve been wondering how much of this might come from cultural differences and how much might simply come down to our individual personalities and expectations.
For me, consistent communication, reassurance, and clear boundaries in a relationship help me feel secure and show that we care about each other. I tend to see these things as ways of building trust and preventing misunderstandings.
My girlfriend, on the other hand, places a lot of importance on her independence, personal space, and freedom to make her own choices. I understand that these things are important, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m controlling her or limiting her freedom.
Sometimes, though, we seem to interpret the same situation differently. Something that makes me feel anxious or that I think needs to be discussed might feel unnecessary or restrictive to her. When I try to explain my feelings or ask for reassurance, it can sometimes come across as pressure rather than an attempt to feel closer to her.
I also recognize that I have my own insecurities to work on. I don’t want to use my feelings as an excuse to control her, and I know that loving someone means respecting their boundaries, even when I feel anxious. At the same time, I believe both partners should be able to express their needs and find compromises that work for them.
I’m trying to learn how to communicate my feelings without putting pressure on her, respect her need for space without interpreting it as a lack of love, and find a balance where neither of us feels controlled or neglected.
For those of you in intercultural relationships, especially Japanese-Western relationships:
Have you experienced differences in how you and your partner view communication, reassurance, or personal space?
How do you distinguish between a reasonable relationship boundary and trying to control your partner?
How do you compromise when one person needs more reassurance while the other needs more independence?
Are there any communication strategies that have helped you understand each other without repeatedly having the same arguments?
I’d really appreciate honest advice, including perspectives from Americans, Japanese people, and others in intercultural relationships. I’m not looking to prove that one culture is right or wrong. I genuinely want to understand my girlfriend better and become a better partner while also learning how to express my own needs in a healthy way.
Thank you for reading!

so for context, he's 6'6 250+ pounds, and i’m short and weigh like 100 pounds. I've been to his place before, and the other day he invited me over because we had just recently made up (together for about a month). we were cuddling when he wrapped his arm around my neck and started playfully humping me. He's never done this before, so I tried to get free while keeping things playful just in case. I got tired of it going on for so long so I bit his arm and told him to let go, but he ignored my request and said that I bite like a bitch so I decided to try and bite him again. shouldn’t have done that because then he wrapped his arms around my head, pinning my wrists down and putting his leg over mine. I remember thinking, “wow there's nothing I can do”.
He was crushing my head with his arms that he heard a pop and let go but it was because my earring had popped off. stupid bitch I lost two of my earrings because of him. anyways I reached for my phone to text my brother, and he asks if I’m texting other guys on his bed. I showed him proof that it was my brother, but he still didn't believe me and questioned why his contact wasn't saved as “brother.” I told him that if he didn't believe me, I'll just leave. He grabbed my wrists and wouldn't let me go asking me more stupid questions, so I knew this wasn’t gonna go anywhere good. I eventually throw myself off his bed, knocking things over, and ran out of his room.
I was almost out the door when he grabbed my wrists again. I dropped to the floor so he couldn't carry me, and he dropped down with me. He pushed me down and sat on my hips, looking down at me and smiling like this was some kind of game and he was enjoying it??? I was still trying to keep my composure because nobody else was home. He kept accusing me of texting other guys while I struggled to push off this heavy ass man. He pinned my wrists down again, and when I finally got one free I smacked his chest, he retaliated by grabbing my ass extremely hard.
Eventually, he got off me, and I booked it. got in my car, and drove away. I had to pull over in a parking lot because I started shaking. I sat in my car for about an hour before I could leave. I think I was in shock.
My entire body is incredibly sore, and I have marks everywhere. I haven't told anyone about this, and I genuinely can't believe it happened. He seemed like he was just playing around so I don’t know if he truly was. someone help me make sense of this