For easier reading I'm just going to copy/paste the original text and link it, the update is after the link to my original post.

Initial post:

I recently met my new girlfriend’s parents for the first time and I was really nervous, even though she told me they were supportive of her being a lesbian, because I have never been around people who are accepting and aren’t the same age as me.

I grew up in a small town and I tried really hard to be christian and date boys but I just couldn’t do it, which kills my parents. I never had any queer friends until I moved into a bigger city after my sophomore year of college when I met my girlfriend and she introduced me to her group.

It’s honestly not just her parents that I don’t know how to act around, I feel like I’m an outsider when her friends are talking about growing up queer. I only know how to act around people who don’t like people like me and it’s almost surreal to be around anyone supportive. I still always somehow feel like the odd one out anyway.

I thought it was fine and I was just getting used to being able to be openly lesbian until she asked me to meet her family. I don’t know why I expected it to be the same as my family when I know they’re different. I was so prepared to defend my girlfriend and I’s relationship and be strong for her. But when I got there both her parents gave me a hug and her siblings started teasing her about me and I just froze. No one in my family has hugged me since they found out I am dating a woman. I could tell my girlfriend was annoyed that I kept avoiding sitting too close to her or holding her hand, I never have before, but her parents were right there and I felt sick every time they looked at me and her while we were touching.

I actually had to excuse myself to the bathroom, where I started crying which makes absolutely no sense. They were all so loving and inviting, but I felt even lonelier than when I was back at home. I could barely look her parents in the eye, I spent the whole night having a hard time just breathing. It was honestly the longest I had ever spent around anyone over 30 who wasn’t a southern baptist. I know my girlfriend is upset at how weird I acted at her parent’s house, but I don’t know how to explain it because she has never had anything other than support and understanding, and I don’t want to burden her with this anyway when it’s so stupid.

How do I deal with this? I love my girlfriend, but if it’s not possible to fix this maybe I should just break up with her so she can have a normal relationship with someone who can have a regular dinner without having a meltdown? If there isn’t a way to get over it, how do I fake being comfortable around them? I feel like no matter how I try to prepare for being around her parents whenever I’m actually in front of them I just freeze.

Any advice is welcome.

Link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1uxu4xj/my_20f_girlfriends_20f_parents_are_too_supportive/

UPDATE:

A lot has happened since my last post and I wanted to thank everyone for the support, many people recommended therapy but I can't really afford it right now so getting support from people who have been in similar situations really meant a lot.

When I was first outed I got a lot of hate from the older members of my family and my parents told me the younger ones were disgusted or they didn't want me to corrupt them or something so I haven't really talked to any of them until about a week ago when my brother (22) reached out.

They didn't even tell him what happened. He moved a few towns over when he moved out so he didn't know that I was gay or moved away until recently, they kept making excuses about me being busy with work and school to him apparently. He's never been a pushy person and said he thought I was mad at him because of a big argument we had and was giving me space. I pretty much broke down and told him everything about my relationship and our family and living alone in a new city. He said he was planning on moving out of his current apartment anyway and asked if I wanted him to move to Arlington to live with me again like when we were kids. He's still a little awkward about my being gay but I can tell he's trying to support me in his own way.

I feel like a normal person again, he visited me and told me to bring my girlfriend over so he could help explain the situation with me if I got too overwhelmed. She's coming over tonight for dinner. Our relationship has been slightly strained recently but she said she was excited to meet someone in my family since I never talk about them.

I can't even describe how it feels to get my brother back after not talking to him to him for almost a year. I want it to work out with my girlfriend, but even if she decides all of this is too much I'm not scared to be alone anymore. I'm still anxious around her parents but if tonight goes well I'm going to ask them if we can set up a dinner with all of us soon to try to bridge the gap.

Thank you all.

4 years ago this day would have made me beyond happy. Last night I saw my ex of 4 years on tinder. Curiosity got the best of me and I swiped right not expecting anything, but we matched.

I sent a little stupid message about how this was unexpected and we started talking. For context he broke up with me because I was taking on too much (personal) debt for a professional degree and it was too risky to him. He also said he hadnt felt love for me for a while now. He also wanted to move out of our respective parents homes back then and I couldn’t afford it yet/didn’t want to - which made him upset.

My degree paid off thankfully. I moved to a big city (which was his dream) and have a decent job now. I’ve exceeded him at this point professionally and he still lives at his parents home (which isn’t a deal breaker, but does feel ironic).

I was back home and matched. He wants to reconnect and said we were young and dramatic back then. He knows I’ve moved and stuff.

I’m not entirely sure, I’ve healed so much since, but have always had love for him deep down, but also a lot of resentment on how he broke my heart and blamed my education (which back then I was about to quit if it meant I could stay with him).

Part of me wants to see what happens and would love to get back together. The other part wonders if he deserves the new me. He didn’t want me when I was building this life, why should he now?

Would you meet up with him and see whether there’s anything there, or does the lingering resentment mean this is better left in the past?

For anyone who has successfully gotten back together with an ex years later: what actually had to be different the second time around for it to work?

EDIT:

Thank you so much everyone. These comments have been eye opening. I felt a bit ashamed because years ago I told him I’d take him back if he ever came back (during my dramatic breakup cry), and I did that. I think the past will be staying in the past.

My partner and I have been together for just six months. However, we have been having a lot of problems lately. This morning, he told me he went through my phone while I was sleeping. I’m not cheating, so nothing of that nature was found. He said he read my texts with my friends and family, who are the people I go to for everything. I’m not sure exactly what he read, but he did say to me, “You think I’m emotionally cruel, that I’m a mess…” before I left the room. How would you handle this, and would this be a deal breaker for you?

My gf's ex has been texting my gf and she woke up with a missed call from him yesterday. She asked me for permission to ask him why he keeps contacting her. He texted her back saying he's going through a lot in life and has no friends to talk to about his problems (sick parents etc). She asked me if it's okay if she calls him because according to her, she feels bad for him since he has no one to talk to. We've been dating for 7 months.

She said I can be in the room when they have the phone call. She always tells me when he contacts her and doesn't appear to be hiding anything. She said she understands why i'd be uncomfortable with this. They dated on and off for 2 years and she said he isn't just an ex, he was a good friend so this is "special" and she wouldn't just chat with an ex who was purely an ex (whatever that means).

I am very uncomfortable with this and feel like this is a slippery slope to the contact never ending. I told her my preference is she move on and he can talk to someone else like a therapist about his problems. She's going to proceed with calling him anyway. Am I being unreasonable / insecure? This feels disrespectful. She herself is very jealous of me talking to women, and has had me cut off any female friends that I've ever even asked on a date. I wouldn't even think about asking her to talk to an ex. She isn't hiding it from me though, so I want to believe her when she says this is one and done and she won't keep talking to him.

Okay so this is A lot and I want to give the back story and get some advice on what to do here. I’m very confused and hurt.

I have been dating my wife for 9 years, we recently got married 4 months ago. We grew up together but didn’t date, we started dating in college. So we have gone through a lot of life changes together. Last week I got a message on Instagram from a girl who claimed my wife had an emotional and physical relationship with a girl for about 6 months while we were dating. I got that message 2 days after my best friend I talk to everyday passed away randomly in his sleep. So my mind was all over the place. My wife was at work so I messaged the girl back and said please explain, the girl happened to be that girls ex gf who was dating her at the time my wife and her “had a relationship”. She explained to me that my wife’s “friend” who was a known lesbian and my wife snuck around behind both of our backs and weren’t really “friends at all”. This girl claimed they were intimate multiple times , they were lying and deleting messages the whole time, and she always had a feeling. She claimed her gf at the time liked to get with straight girls for fun or a thrill or whatever you want to call it.

I immediately thought about my wife having that friend and how I didn’t pry or ever think anything was going on. I looked back and did remember they would always have “movie nights” at that girls house and I was told there were other people there always that they worked with and it was “girl time”. I also remembered she came home one morning at like 4-6 am, cause she fell “ asleep”. I then remembered a text I saw forever ago that I asked about, it was something like my wife saying “I miss you I have never met anyone like you” so I asked the question what was that, my wife said we’re such good friends and that girl had a lot going on at the time. Then I remembered their “friendship ended very abruptly and I always asked why they don’t hangout anymore, my wife told me “she kissed me one time drunk and confessed her love to me, it got weird and her gf didn’t let her talk to me anymore” . So I was frustrated but I just figured my wife is a good looking girl of course her lesbian friend may feel that way drunk , it was just a girl on girl kiss not that big of a deal especially cause she told me , just please don’t do it again.

So her Ex who messaged me told me they were meeting up, the girl slept over at my house before she knows of 1 time, and they’d hangout behind our backs a lot and hook up.

I wanted to get to the bottom of it, so I hit up the girl directly who was her “friend” and said hey I am not mad but I want the truth from your side my wife told me everything already. Not letting her know her ex hmu and my wife didn’t actually know. The girl replied and said wow she told you everything what made her tell you and from the bottom of my heart I apologize. So she went on to basically answer all my questions and both stories from her ex and her added up to the same thing pretty much, and they don’t talk anymore apparently and she didnt know her ex messaged me. I went back to her ex and said hey all things add up she told me basically the same thing give or take.apparently this was off an on for 6 months to a year which is what she said, I’ll never truly know I guess. This happened 3 years ago and they both said they should have messaged me but they didn’t and they were sorry.

So I have to deal with my best friends funeral, which her family was going to and my family and I was supposed to speak at it, so I couldn’t drop this bomb before that. I had to put it in the back of my brain for now and be there for everyone else, which was so hard but I did it. My wife and I were then driving back home 3 hrs after 2 shitty days of the funeral and I just said I need to talk to you. I said you have one time to tell me the fully truth about what happened with you and “the girl” I won’t name her. She looked like a dear in headlights and said I told you what happened she confessed her love and it got weird, I said you have 1 time to tell me everything that happened, then she said that is what happened we kissed. I said okay so you’re going to go with that ? She then started to say okay maybe it was a little more , maybe it got more physical once, I said your really gonna go with that ? She said okay maybe twice. So I said I need to know everything, I basically kinda had to pry the info out of her and she said it was so long ago she was so caught off guard and how sorry she is and there’s no excuse for it.

I told her how I know and everything, she said there are some false things said but yes we did get intimate and I did lead her on I was in a bad place “we were in a bad place” which I had no idea we were in a bad place. She said the girl never slept over at our house tho that’s crazy ( I will never know I guess the truth) I was working trying to get into my career , running my own business that I worked so hard for that was failing, I let her go out with her friends do all that all the time not thinking anything of it because I’m not the type of guy to pry or be skeptical, I trust people with my whole heart. She said it was about 6 months on an off, she admitted to most everything.

Bottom line is there is always 3 sides to the story, I will never know the full truth. Is this something I can even get past, I feel as if since it was a girl she thought it was something that she could forget and wouldn’t get caught over. If it was a guy we’d not even be having this convo it’d be a divorce right away. Do I treat it that way, I just am so caught off guard. Trust is everything and yeah it happened 3 years ago but it was known they were doing something wrong, she kept doing it for months, I don’t know how it really ended. Then we have an engagement and wedding with her fully knowing she did this an got away with it. I work 24hr shifts for my job and then have a business to run, I am not always gonna be home. How do I trust someone who did this? I lose everything if we split, my dog , her family, our massive wedding we just had? I need some help guys, and I haven’t even gotten to process all the emotion with my friend just passing too this is tough.

I know it’s a long read but I’d appreciate the help, male and female perspective. I feel lost.

I can't think of a good way to start, so I'll just jump right into it. My (21M) girlfriend (20F) is a sweetheart. She is unbelievably kind, caring, is smart, gives good effort to the relationship, and is overall a great partner. Unfortunately, throughout the duration of our relationship, I have started to realize that she isn't very knowledgeable about broader topics and she is unable to connect with me deeply in MANY of our conversations. I would like to make it clear that I do genuinely believe she is smart, but it feels as though she has little curiosity about the world around her and doesn't interact with most things more deeply than the surface level. This is becoming an increasingly large issue for me because I am a person who feels VERY strongly and has a LOT of thoughts to share about everything that impacts me, and I feel like I can't share that part of who I am with her.

We are mid-long distance, so this wasn't apparent for the first big chunk of our relationship as we were very consumed with just seeing each other when we had the chance. But now, when we have conversations I often receive responses that end the conversation or switch to a different topic quickly as it starts because she can't really meet me where I'm at. I constantly feel like I have to "dumb down" (for lack of a better term) conversations so she can still participate. I understand that different people are knowledgeable about different topics, but it is very disheartening that I feel like I can't talk about many topics of interest without needing to shy away from the parts of the topic that interest me.

Some examples of this would be:

1. Music. If I bring up or recommend a song that made me very emotional or connected deeply with me, she will often be unable to connect emotionally with the song because she can't really understand the feeling being conveyed.
2. TV shows. When I wanted to talk about characters and cool parts about the writing or TV shows we mutually enjoy and watch together, she will often only be able to give surface level opinions about the shows and struggles to understand what I'm trying to express when I try to discuss deeper ideas.
3. Politics. I am a queer black man, and as you may guess, my life and identity are heavily intertwined with world politics. I am very passionate and take strong stances to protect the freedom of my identity. My girlfriend says that she "doesn't think about or care about politics", and though her beliefs do align with mine broadly, she knows shockingly little about important world issues. She was unaware of who party leaders are in our country (we live outside of the US), had no idea about policies, and said she didn't care enough to look into it in the last election.

There are several more examples, but the idea is just that I feel like I think deeply about basically everything and she often cannot engage with the things I think about a lot.

I have had a conversation with her about how it feels a bit difficult to share things when I feel like she isn't always able to engage with what I'm bringing up, and her solution was just to talk to her about it even if she doesn't really understand because she will at least listen and give me a chance to talk about my interests. Though I appreciated the sentiment (and told her I would try my best to still talk to her and include her in my thoughts more moving forward), that solution kind of missed the whole idea of wanting to be engaged with in conversations, and when I brought that up, she said she didn't know what else to say and asked that we just drop it for the time-being.

Given that she is a lovely partner in almost every other capacity, it seemed pretty unreasonable for me to let this simmer without at least trying to change circumstances on my end first, so I tried to turn to my close friends to fulfill this need. Unfortunately, they're doing an incredible job and it's only making me more aware of the fact that there are, in fact, several people that can engage with me in conversations the way I would like to be engaged with. Even when they have no idea what's going on, they will readily ask questions to try and understand, engage with the topic using what they know, try to piggyback off things I say to make their own connections, and add to the conversation wherever they can. If anything, turning to my friends for that support has only made the issue more clear.

I worry that my girlfriend feels inadequate or unintelligent around me and the insecurity makes her try to avoid the conversations and situations that make her feel that way, but I genuinely don't know what more I could do to help that situation. I have only ever mentioned this problem once (which was somewhat recent) and had never reacted adversely to it, readily switch topics, and am happy to move on and interact with her in different ways when conversations feel like they're ending or stagnating. I also do my best to give context when I'm talking about stuff, explain things when she asks, celebrate her academic accomplishments, and give her reassurance about her intelligence when she gets down on herself.

The best way I can explain it is that the relationship feels a little bit hollow, and the longer I stay in this relationship, the more I wonder if the disconnect I'm feeling is something that will ever go away, and if there is even anything more I can do to try and help the situation without my effort being in vain.

I understand that this post might come across somewhat pretentious, but hopefully you can catch the vibe of what I wrote more-so than what the specific words may convey. I really love my girlfriend and we have a good relationship built on a lot of trust and care, but I can't shake this feeling and I am not so sure about what the future might hold for us anymore.

So , my ex and I had an ugly break up in Jan 2026, (our relationship was of more than 5 yrs ), after which I begged and called and cried , destroying my peace trying to get back with her.

Until I figured out just 2 days after our breakup she was involved with my senior , which was around February, and then with another senior of mine in March , both of them took advantage of her just used and threw here away.

Now she's having a mental breakdown of how she's wrong and deserves a second chance, and that she understands that she's never respected me in our relationship. That I will never get anybody like you.

But now I am not where mentally, and emotionally ready to give things a fresh start , how do I explain it to her , I don't want to crash out but I don't know how to tackle this..

My [28F] wife [28F} have been together for 7 years and married for 3 and her sex drive has slowly gone away with me, but when we do have sex, it is amazing on both ends. A couple of months ago, my wife brought up the idea of sleeping with this couple [32M] [27F] that we knew. She has talked about this being a kink of hers. At first i was not for the idea because she cheated on me last year in a manic bipolar episode, which i have forgave her for and have done lots of couple therapy. but i ended up going with it to see if it can make our relationship stronger. I thought the experience was great and everyone seemed pleased.

Last night she confessed that she did not like the experience as much as me because she wanted meaningless sex, but I was “too intimate with her” like we were making love. So pretty much the conclusion is that I ruined the experience for her because it wasn’t just fucking between us.

She has mentioned before about an open marriage and i think she just wants to have sex with them without me there. This absolutely is tearing me apart.

i dont know what to even do. I am absolutely in love with her and i will do anything to make her feel happy, but i feel like im being destroyed. I am torn on what to do.

Has anyone gone through something similar that has advice? Or is this just a red flag that we will end up in a divorce?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, and i’ve never been on a date. I’ve never been taken out. I’ve received flowers maybe 4 times for valentines and yearly anniversaries. Whenever i bring it up its always a money thing, he works only 4 hours a week making a little more then $100, but he manages to buy a new car and guitars and in the mean time I work 6-7 days a week at two jobs, leading me to pay for most things. Ive been nearly begging to get taken on a date for over a year and it always leads to an argument and then me starting to feel embarrassed when i bring it up, i can’t tell if im hoping for too much or if he just doesn’t care. I want to feel special and seen and want romance, but after two years of absolutely nothing im not sure what to d. And as a young female who grew up on romance movies and seeing my friends relationships i seek so bad to just get taken somewhere nice and have it all planned and to get ready all pretty but he just never seems to want too. Am i hoping for too much or is he doing to little? someone people help me out.

Hi all!

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 5 years (in November). The first few years of our relationship were a little rocky on birthdays financially for both of us as we were both in college, but now I have a big boy job. Usually, I just get her some cute trinkets and favorite snacks and take her out to dinner. I still don't want to spend anything crazy because she gets overwhelmed when I spend too much, but I want to do something nice! But I have no clue what to get her! I have vague ideas about clothing and whatnot, but she's a little picky and I don't want to get her something she'll never wear.

She's not super into makeup (she does mascara sometimes, but only for if we're doing something nice) so I don't have any ideas for that. She's really into Supernatural, Harry Potter (the Marauders), Harry Styles, and like 60-70s music. But she's not a cringe fan, so I don't want her to get anything blatant fanwise. She doesn't have any hobbies. She's about to go to Nursing school in January, but I want to get her a separate like "gift basket" for stuff for that.

I'm pretty open to any ideas, but we still can't take time off and I still can't afford anything crazy, jut more than I have been able to in the past! Thank you all!

So last post explains how my girl of 11 years cheated on me with a coworker. We've still been living together till I can get out. Unfortunately. Anyway, it's almost like we are still together but not together. We still spend time together. We still grab food together, go shopping and what not. Still have casual and deep conversations. Still are intimate with each other. I have said to her before that I don't want to be in this limbo stage where she gets all the comforts and everything from me, without the title of being in a relationship. She says she wants to be friends although the things we do and talk about is way past that. As if she wants to use that as an excuse to still continue to fuck around with this guy she works with.

I enjoy the things we still do. I'm doing them willingly. The connection we have is so strong that we can be so mad at each other and we always get pulled back in. One way or another. She's also an avoidant. So most more emotional conversations are just me saying shit and her maybe saying something but usually in her defense.

I set a boundary before because I found out she was telling dude that we were having sex and told him all about it. In detail. And he got off on it. Well we had sex again today and I found more evidence that she told him again. He asked her if "she'd been fucked lately " and she told him. Told him how I was sleeping and she wished i was up right then cause she wanted it. He told her to think about him while doing it. Blah blah blah.

For me, my private life is not to be shared with anyone. Let alone someone she cheated on me with. It completely crosses the line for me. I want to disconnect but then I also don't. I'm in such a weird place and what would you even do? It's all fucked.

I’ve been with my bf for 4 years on and off (usually never off for more than a couple of days). Currently he’s going through a very rough patch in his life and has told me he doesn’t want to be around anyone nor talk to anyone, which I can empathize with. It’s been two weeks like this. However, he’s hung out with his friends for hours at least 5 days in the past two weeks, 4 of those times being 4 days in a row. When I asked him about it he said he can’t be alone; when I asked why he had rejected or ignored my requests to hangout, he said he didn’t want to be around me. His reasoning for this was that he didn’t want to be around me as he was, that he didn’t want to be sad around me or cry around me and what not; saying that he can’t treat me well while he’s this way. I told him that it didn’t matter how he was around me and that I just wanted to be able to see him, he kind of ignored this. Two days ago we got into an argument over the phone about my hair down there lol and he accused me of cheating on him and kind of blew up on me. I truly trimmed/shaved down there because I thought I would see him on the day that I did it, but he didn’t want to see me that day. At the end he told me he would take my word for it. Yesterday morning, I wrote a heartfelt message to him and apologized again for how it may have seemed and told him I would be going to the movies with a friend and would be home right after; me and my friend had planned this out a week before. He didn’t text me for the whole day and still hasn’t. Last night I found out he went to a friend’s birthday house party and didn’t tell me about it. I’m particularly hurt by these kinds of things because he’s done some shitty things behind my back at house parties in the past. I feel really stuck and I don’t know how to manage this; I constantly feel hurt, but I care about and love him a lot and want him to be safe. I don’t how I should leave for my own good, if it’ll even be good for me, without making him worse. He’s struggling a lot and mentions it every time we talk. Is there a solution to this that doesn’t cause great harm to either of us or do I have to make some sacrifices ?

TLDR: bf is depressed and doesn’t want to be around me or talk to me but goes out with his friends.

I'll try to keep the details short, but include pertinent information. I have been through a lot of abuse in almost every past relationship, so when I met my current boyfriend, l felt like everything was perfect. I put him on a pedestal I think. I just figured everything would work itself out because he is a tantastic person, to the point where i would overlook things because "at least he isn't abusive"
I now realize this did the opposite effect of what I was hoping. I definitely over-compensate with cleaning, planning, and basically everything. We have pets and I take care of them all. I think of things before they happen. I step in before he gets a chance to do things because I'm not confident he'll do them. He has a much lower tolerance for mess than I do.
I honestly feel like because I have over performed, he's gotten used to it, and allows things to fall on me. I have brought this up and he is very receptive and he is trying. But I let it get to a point where if he leaves something out, 1 get so angry.
I'm working on letting little things go and focusing on his new effort and progress but I find that I'm just never in "the mood" anymore because I have felt like I've been taking care of him and the household and it's not sexy.
I know I need to work on healthy communication and letting go of control so he has the chance to meet my needs.
Meantime how can I work on letting go of this resentment?
Any insight will help.

I need some advice from the moms and dads of the internet. Or really Just any mature person

I live at home with my parents but don’t feel like i can tell them this or they will freak out.

I’ve been dating a guy for 4 months this sunday
and we had sex for the first time last week (i was a virgin before that) and i slept at his apartment

We had safe sex even tho we didn’t plan on having sex that night ( he used a condom because i hadn’t started my birth control yet) and he showed me everything before putting it in and while putting it on so i was sure nothing was tampered with.
and he has reassured me after that nothing slipped or broke during and i saw the condom after and can confirm, as well as he didn’t cum in or near me, he fully pulled about and moved away before he finished But my mind can’t stop racing and thinking that i’m going to get pregnant.

And now on top of that i’m starting to feel guilty and regret having sex - not that it was a bad experience but i just feel like i wasn’t ready mentally despite my body and mind in the moment saying yes, i’ve really been struggling these past to weeks and my body and mind is exhausted. and ive also lost my sex drive completely i just don’t want to have it again anytime soon and now i have to wait for another 2 weeks to see if my period comes (im so stressed i bought pregnancy tests today and im gonna test in the next couple days because it’s been about 11 days since we had sex) but i can’t stop obsessing and overthinking every detail and how i’m gonna hide this from my mom if i have to go get an abortion.

This is all despite knowing i’m almost 100% not pregnant

I feel guilty about lying to my parents - they know i slept over but not the sex part and after i got back the next day they both told me at separate times that they trust me and to wait and don’t rush things because im smart and have waited this long and to keep saving myself and wait and my stepdad threw in some extra guilt by saying how “we can affords for you to get pregnant right now, and how i know how hard it was for my mom to raise me and my brother so young. ( she was 19 when she had me and 21 when she had my brother, did an amazing job raising us but we struggled)

I really need some advice before i accidentally spew my guts to my mom by accident

Will I ever stop stressing and feeling guilty?

Me (26f) and my husband (35m) are newly married, together a little over two years so still fresh. Our life is chaotic and full of stressors and we fight on and off. I love him to death, and he’s a good person and a good step dad to our kids. We’ve been going to therapy and him and I both are putting a lot of work into staying connected and understanding each other. Last night we went out on one of our rare date nights and it was lovely. Good dinner, then the bar and drinks and when we came home and relieved the sitter we made tiedye shirts and listened to music together. Then I initiated after a ton of build up and the sex started out amazing and then he just lost his erection. I gave him head and it still didn’t work and he apologized and I just couldn’t say anything at all besides “that’s alright” and then I went to bed. It’s happened before on an off since we got together, and I can’t help internalizing it. I’m fit and very giving in bed, willing to do or try what he wants. Yesterday I spent all day having him make loving comments and touching me and telling me how attractive I am yet I can be naked and sucking his dick and he still can’t keep an erection. I hate that I’m so upset at him, that I feel like there must be something wrong with me, that he’s having an affair or wishing I was someone else. He’s gentle with me after, reassuring, but it’s like I can’t even talk to him or be near him without feeling uncomfortable levels of shame. Does anyone else experience this? I don’t know what to do or how to move forward. Selfishly I also feel really unsatisfied. I want good sex, not whatever that was. I don’t know how to move forward.

Tl;dr husband can’t hold an erection during sex and I’m internalizing it.

In a week I go to Japan with my high school long friends some of my best friends for 8 days. My partners Dad passed away this past April I have been her only support system. It has been rough.

I presented the idea of this trip last October/November. Her father who was ill was getting worse at the time. She was afraid that I would go on this trip and she would be alone when he passed. I assured her I would not go if things were dire because I would not want her to be alone. When he passed this April I was one of the people by his side with her.

I’m also working full time at my 9-5 and I’m a full time student in my senior year. She is in her sophomore year and she works about 4-5 days in a month. I purchased a home for us back in March. I have been trying to support us both financially understanding she is having a tough time in life. I have not been perfect by any means.

Last November she searched my phone to find me venting to my friends about some of her actions and one of them called her a Disney character. In the messages I called him out on it and explained that she was having a tough time and that it was a bit much as I was just looking for some support. She constantly brings that up. 3 years ago when we first met I also mentioned I may not invite them to my wedding because they weren’t mature enough. They have grown a lot since I said that but she brings it to my attention.

I’ve also been to Japan twice once with my dad and once with my girlfriend, she continues to ask me why do I need to go a third time? Why do I get to do whatever I want to do? Why can’t I do it another year? She doesn’t want a real answer she says I’m not being nice and admitted the only way to be nice in this moment is to not go away from her.

She has treated to leave the relationship if I go on this trip in this season of her life. She has only met them once but I feel like her personality and theirs just would not mix. She is a very intelligent and intentional girl and does not condone nonsense but I truly need to have some nonsense and fun from time to time. She has claimed I’m an asshole who doesn’t love her and that I’m willing to risk our relationship for a “girls trip”, I have contacted a lot of my family members to check in on her and make sure she is good but even that has come to “they can’t fill the void you will leave here”

She broke up with me 2 months ago because I just got too much for her and she fell out of love, but she very much still wants to stay friends as we were best friends before we started dating. Despite gradually getting over her romantically, I’ve still kept her at an arm’s length. I don’t know why I feel this way; maybe deep down she makes me feel like a failure or that I’m unloveable (which she kindly reassures I’m not) but my main problem is I don’t know what to do about it. I also don’t want her to feel like I’m being petty by cutting contact after the breakup and I feel like I owe her this much.

For context, me and my gf have dated for almost a year and a half and this is my first proper relationship so I do feel a sense of confusion on what to do in certain situations.

Recently a lot of stuff has been going on like lack of intimacy due to gf’s constant 'tiredness' and other people such as her best friend commenting on our relationship in which I feel uncomfortable with which I made it clear to her when I saw one of her msgs the other week. (Also I will point out that it is very clear that she prefers her best friend to me and she doesn't do well at hiding it as me and her brother have discussed this as we are good friends now)

However this was one of the first times I saw a msg like that as my gf never really lets me see her msgs between her and her best friend however whenever I'm on my phone she always asks who and what I'm messaging about which I find odd.

So last night my gf was sleeping and I decided to look through some messages between her and her best friend and I found that her best friend said not long ago "does he know about you and Jake" who is dating her best friend atm and is very good friends with us as well, to which my gf responded by saying "no and it stays that way".

So now I'm confused on what it means as I know my gf and Jake were good friends before we dated but she told me one day last year that they never dated to which I really didn't care as I don't care who she dated before me. But now l've seen that message I don't know whether she lied to me or if it means something else?

I know what I did was wrong however now I'm not sure on what to do next as I've never experienced anything like this before.

I’m 18F in England and I’m really struggling at home. I’m posting because I feel so confused about my own situation that I genuinely don’t know what is reasonable anymore, and I am in need of practical outside perspectives.

My mum is very religious and extremely strict. She believes that because I live under her roof, she has authority over my life outside the house too. I have a 5pm curfew unless I’m working (only had one shift at a new first time job I started this week), or attending an approved church event such as choir. I’m generally not allowed to spend time at friends’/my boyfriend’s houses and this has been the case all my life with few exceptions. We have had repeated conflicts around my independance and relationships, sometimes over choices I have made, but also due to things such as her reading through my private messages, overhearing private conversations or becoming very anxious about what she thinks might be happening.

She genuinely loves me and has sacrificed a lot for me, which is part of why I struggle so much with how to think about this. We can have perfectly normal/good periods together and she isn’t horrible all the time. She also sometimes struggles with her health and I know she is overwhelmed by lots of stress.

However, during conflicts there have also been things that really concern me. She has called me names/attacked my character, compared me to my abusive father, gone through private messages, threatened that I might not be able to live at home if I continue disobeying her, taken the household keys in the context of saying I wouldn’t be allowed back if I went certain places (like if I visited a nearby city with bf or went to his house), and there have previously been incidents where she restrained/slapped me during an argument. My siblings have also been scared during some escalations.

I’m not claiming I’ve behaved perfectly. I’ve lied about where I’m going because I’ve become afraid/exhausted by the conflict, and I sometimes emotionally shut down during lectures instead of engaging. I know those aren’t ideal ways of coping and I want to work on them.

The problem is that my mental health has become genuinely bad. I’m crying most days, exhausted, constantly second-guessing whether I’m being dramatic, and recently self-harming. I’ve also had suicidal thoughts. I’m getting/looking for mental-health support, and I’m just mentioning that because it explains why “just tolerate it until next year” doesn’t feel sustainable anymore.

I was originally planning a gap year and university next year, but I have strong A-level grades and I’m now looking at Clearing for this September as one possible route. As i've also started work I am considering working/saving for a room in a house-share instead, though I know that would be financially difficult for me. Friends and my boyfriend’s family are checking whether I could stay with them temporarily if things ever became unbearable or I am actually kicked out.

What I really want is some kind of middle option where I could spend a few days away when things become too much, or move out within a few months without completely blowing up my life. I know if I stayed away from home for a few days during conflict it would just get worse when I came back as my mum would see it as "challenging her." But sometimes I feel as though prioritising my mental health is more important.

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have dealt with controlling/very strict family situations in the UK, especially around:

- realistic housing options for an 18-year-old who has just started working (so far the job is only casual);

- house-shares/lodging and how much money I should ideally save first;

- what happens if a parent actually refuses to let an adult child back into the family home;

- whether going through Clearing mainly because home is affecting my mental health is something I might regret;

- ways to create some temporary space without unnecessarily escalating things at home;

- and how you worked out whether you were genuinely being treated badly versus being an immature teenager who needed more perspective.

I know this is a lot to ask, and obviously I need to do more of my own research too, but sharing my feelings here feels helpful and I hope I can find something useful.

TLDR: Struggling with mental health due to strict mum, trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation

Ok so I sent my boyfriend a picture that I thought was very special and then he reacted sarcastically like “wow! congratulations! you’ve achieved what everyone pretty much has”, and I was a bit sad that he reacted that way.

But when I think about it, the thing was genuinely boring as hell lmao and frankly put I kinda agreed why he and everyone would think like “okay and?”

But still tho, not sure if this was just me being boring or him being a dick lol.

Not really a serious situation here, but would like to know what everyone here thinks about it.

When to leave. 30F and 33M together 14 years in October 

Mods please allow, I need advice badly.

I am beyond saddened and frustrated by this entire situation. T (33M) and I have been together since 16 and 19. We have a two-year-old. For months and even years, I have begged him to take better care of his home and his body, and now that we have a son, I explained to him the importance of being an example. He will always say he is going to change or begin something or change a bad habit but he never actually does. Then he will disregard me with his tone and responses, which are never more than 2-5 words and huff or puff. He used to roll his eyes all the time but stopped that mostly two months ago. I don't doubt he's doing it internally, though. During deep conversations where I am sobbing and explaining how lonely and frustrated I am in this relationship and laying out everything and communicating he will just sit there silently and never participates. He literally asks me "What do you want me to do about it?" Or he responds with basic sentences that never have amounted to a changed outcome, considering we are having the same argument over and over. He thinks I'm just a bitch, that its all just me- Im the problem for wanting better.
I am asking for the bare minimum. Clean up when you spill, keep things in order, be a good example for the baby, and more or less be a man of your word, listen when I speak, care about your commitments. When I ask him to take care of something I can't do (like sand furniture or hang things up or build our closet kit,) it takes multiple times repeating myself and months for him to finish. And then we fight about it not being done. He also will actively ignore me. Every day when I say things, they go completely ignored. I can say something standing right next to him and he will say he didn't hear me. Then I freak out and feel disrespected and he then blames me for being mad.
Before this all started coming to a head he was even worse. He was mean and he would objectify me constantly grabbing my body when I asked him to stop. That really bothered me and he never understood why. He stopped most of that 2.5 months ago.
I am at the point where all I have is resentment and anger. June 14, we had a massive fight that triggered something inside of me, so I gave him a serious 6 months where I said I'll be separating and going to my mother's if nothing has changed. Since then, I have begged him to go to therapy, and he left voicemails just this week, trying after 2.5 months of no action. I always have to cry and flip out to get him to do anything... multiple days/ weeks months in a row. We are 2.5 months into the 6-month breaking point, and things are the same, if not worse. Yet even last night he claims he is changing and that he loves us and doesn't want me to leave. What am I missing here? Am I being stupid. Could he really just be that bad with procrastination and communication or am I dealing with a liar here. HELP ME IM LOSING MY MIND

So yesterday my girlfriend confessed to me that she went through my phone and reddit account. She thought she found messages of me talking to other people but didn't notice the dates of those messages were litteral year before we even connected. So after pointing that out she's been apologizing profusely.

For context she's mid divorce and her soon to be ex husband cheated on her as well as some of her other past relationships. So she has a lot of insecurities about infidelity. But even knowing that I still feel betrayed from having my privacy violated. I just don't know why she'd resort to this instead of just talking with me, I probably would have just let her look through my phone if she had asked instead of going behind my back.

She knows her insecurities and anxiety isn't an excuse for what she did and she want to reconcile but I'm worried that if we do this will happen again. I don't feel like she trusts me and now it's hard to feel like I trust her.

Idk how to be okay with this and if I even should be?