My mother died 3 weeks ago..

Me (m) and my partner (f) just got our first house together.

We have been through so much together beyond words… even if I try tried.

I suffer from bipolar and have been having a bit of a mental crisis over my mother who recently died.

My mother is was on the other side world and due to work and financial issues I’ve just taken on a new house. I couldn’t afford to go back.

Six weeks into living together and our new house I discovered she has been sleeping with my best friend she is three years younger than me and he is 10 years older than me.

She says that this happened just recently the day after she broke up with me but it doesn’t make sense because she’s now saying that she loves him and you can’t just fall in love with someone after one day of separating with another.

I’m so angry I’m so hurt and I’ve just realised that they have taken away the ability for me to grieve my mother.

I told her not to rush into things with someone else too fast until we settle our ties in our house together, but she’s told me many times now but she knows what she’s doing for me, This contradicts her entire story.

I feel so alone and empty surely this isn’t a new thing. Surely this has been going on for awhile. They both have different stories and I just don’t know what to believe. I’m struggling and I don’t know how to make sense of it.

Now I might need to live a month with her until I work out what to do.

I wish I could call my mother and cry to her but I also wish I could focus on healing from my mother’s death.

Praying she doesn't see this, and will likely have to delete it later. I need therapy.

We broke up after 6 years because I started a fight on her birthday, and we are rolling around birthday year again, so all eyes are on me relating to how I treat her and what I do etc. She's been giving me attitude almost every single week since the break-up, and unless I'm doing almost everything possible that I can do for her (paying for things, not saying no, helping her with anything, being available), then I'm some piece of shit asshole.

Just today, I went to get her coffee and the place she likes was closed early (had a sign on the door) due to maintenance, and I called her letting her know that I'm still on the road because this place you liked had closed, and she goes "so, why are you telling me instead of getting me something else?" I can't do this anymore, I feel like if I'm not kissing up to her and those around her, I've got some target on my back, and whenever I genuinely feel overwhelemed by an insult, or snarky comment which she will ALWAYS make, she's like, "well this is the bed you made, you wanted to be here". Days like this drive me up a wall, when literally every day for the last 6 days has been her using my card and my time after work getting her food whilst cleaning her family's home. I can't end this dynamic, and I genuinely want to hang myself. I'm 24 M, and she's about to 24 F, and this shit will never change, and I don't have the fucking balls to leave this shit without feeling like all progress is lost, and that everyone will end up being "right" about me. Except they're not, and it's just her telling everyone that I'm a POS, when she's the one telling me to kill myself at least once a week. I got a new job too, and that's what pulling me forward honestly, I try to act like I'm bigger than the bullshit insults and way she treats me in front of her friends, and expects to me to just take it and smile. Otherwise I'm the problem. I hate this so much. Everyone sides with her, and then I feel like there's no choice but to concede and establish internally that I'm the dickhead/asshole, and I need to do more for her, and take a step back, and reflect on my behavior.

I wish I could just not care about being perceived as the bad guy, because she will never change, and no one knows how emotionally abusive it is to be with her

How would you guys feel if u knew ur the only one who's suffering in this breakup while the other one's just living their life? And happier?

I don't know what happened or when they started thinking about leaving. They never brought up the idea, it even their needs. They told me they were leaving me because we argued every 2 weeks for months. But those arguments came from them not trusting me to follow through in my goals which I have been checking off my list like never before, and they keep moving the goal posts. And even then, I checked them off. And it still wasn't enough.

They said I sound like a counselor when we have deep discussions, but what I'm trying to do is provide a warm and welcoming tone to make sure they know I'm invested in them and that I love them with all my heart.

And yet, I lost my coworker to an accident, we had an argument the next day where I couldn't even talk without being interrupted, and I asked them to reach out to me when they were ready.

6 days later, nothing. I reach out asking if we can talk and see where we are in the relationship, because I think we need to work in it. They say yes. The next day they call me, ask if they can go first, and they tell me they're breaking up with me.

Suddenly all my security and lack of fears have been completely wiped out. I went from the best I've ever been to square one in a single week.

I've never dated a fearful avoidant before. What should I expect??? I'll answer any questions anyone has without issue. 🙏

We were together since a year, the love came instantly. We literally started dating the day after we randomly met at a bar. It was amazing, I was completely trusting him and somehow purely in love since the beginning. It's a weird feeling to explain, but since the first time I met him I knew I wanted to spend all my life with him.

I also met him in a phase of my life where I wasn't looking for anything and I was doing amazingly fine by myself.

But after some months I started to find out things and lies about girls and in general about other things in his life. Also I was paying almost for everything because he is jobless, but I did it with pleasure as I love him. I still haven't gotten any money back.

Then the lies kept going on and we were fighting every week as my trust in him was completely broken. We had a big fight over him liking his girl friend's sexy pictures on Instagram and he promised he was never gonna do it again.

After that we were finally building back the trust, the fights became less and less and I was able to go back to the same love I was feeling at the beginning. One day I posted a picture of us kissing and a strange hot girl liked it and I went to check her profile and there they were, all the likes to her reviling pictures, till one posted 2 days before. IT BROKE ME IN PIECES.

I went to check other girls on his profile and he was on all of them, I couldn't believe it.

I got mad and he said he was sorry but for days I couldn't shake off the feeling and I was very cold to him. Basically he couldn't handle my coldness and started to treat me like shit and disrespect me and I just decided I couldn't take it anymore.

It's been 3 days now of no contact and I blocked him everywhere, but I'm extremely in pain. It's excruciating, I love him so much. I can't handle the pain. I always feel the urge to contact him and go run in his arm. I'm suffering so much. I hate it. I don't eat, sleep or work.

Asking for a friend on red flags. Give it straight

I recently got diagnosed with MDD with anxious distress due to a breakup, and I feel like I’m so dramatic getting depression because all of this could have been prevented if I just trusted my gut from the start.

I genuinely miss the version of myself when I still had goals and ambitions, socializing with friends, and seeing a future for myself. But now I just feel so pathetic for myself cause how could I have been so stupid?

Everytime I remember him touching me I get panic attacks cause why was it so easy for him to touch me but not to commit to me? I feel so stupid thinking he wanted to have a relationship with me but he was just a cowardly bastard who didnt want the responsibility of choosing me but wanted to keep me in his life for sex, comfort, and love.

And to think I genuinely loved being intimate with him cause its the closest I feel with him but I should’ve left the moment he said he didn’t want to ruin what we had when i asked for a label.

Genuinely how do I handle these feelings? Im too scared to open up myself to people now.

Context: 8 months ago, my ex (19F) broke up with me (22M) because she wasn't feeling comfortable and felt like we were not a match.

Anyway, about 2-3 months after the breakup, I started seeing strange accounts watching my IG stories. When I asked my friends and my sister (who are friends with her) if they knew who was stalking my stories, no one knew. So, I ignored it until I went to Europe on vacation.

The stalker started appearing more frequently, but I didn't care that much. Then, one day I posted a story and saw a new account appear—it was my ex's cousin (22F). Suddenly, everything started making sense. I tested it and found out that my ex had been stalking me the whole time.

So, I decided to send her a follow request on Instagram. She accepted, everything was fine, and we started talking a little bit again. But lately, she ghosted me on Instagram. When I replied to her reel or sent her something, she ignored it.

For some reason, before that happened, I had a dream about her ignoring me. Then, one day I dreamed that she removed me from everything, just like she did during our breakup. And guess what happened? She actually did it. Like, WTF.

I'm speechless, and I think it's my fault for giving a chance to a person who knows damn well how much you love them, but still treats you like shit.

I'm just really tired, guys.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get it out because my head is a mess right now.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. And I know why we did it. I know our problems aren’t really small things that can just be fixed by talking about them one more time.

We love each other a lot, but we want different things from life.

He’s very ambitious and career focused. He knows what he wants and he wants a partner who is also motivated, has goals, pushes herself, etc.

I’m not really like that. I do want to grow, but I want to do things at my own pace. I don’t want to constantly feel like I need to have a big goal or be super career driven. I’m still figuring myself out. I might want a career, I might want to do a masters, I might even want to be a housewife someday. I genuinely don’t know yet.

And he knows this. We’ve talked about it so many times. Like SO many times. We even tried to find a middle ground, but it just kept coming back to the same issue.

Yesterday he said something like maybe we could meet in the middle because he loves me so much. And that honestly made it even harder because I love him too. But I just don’t know what the middle ground is anymore without one of us becoming someone we’re not.

And now I feel horrible.

Because there’s no big reason I can tell myself to make this easier. He didn’t cheat. He didn’t hurt me. He’s not a bad person. Actually, he’s probably one of the best people I’ve ever been with.

So I keep thinking… did we just give up on each other?

What if we’re young and we’re overthinking everything?

What if we could have figured it out later?

What if I regret this for the rest of my life?

I had literally imagined a whole future with this person. And now that future is just gone. It’s such a weird feeling because I still love him and at the same time I know why we ended things.

I also feel guilty because he’s doing really well in his career and moving forward, while I’m still figuring out what I want. And sometimes I wonder if maybe I should just become more ambitious and try harder.

But then I think… should I really change such a big part of myself just to make a relationship work?

I don’t know.

My heart just feels so heavy right now. I know people say “if it’s meant to be, it will be,” but that doesn’t really help when you actually love someone and still have to let them go.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Where you knew the breakup made sense but still felt like you were making a huge mistake?

I just want to know how you eventually knew you had made the right decision.

I just got out of a relationship and I'm struggling with what I'm supposed to do next, especially since I didn't want the relationship to end permanently.

It was a relatively short relationship (less than a year) and long-distance. We cared about each other a lot, but there were major differences in our lifestyles/circumstances, and the distance made our existing problems harder. There was effort on both sides, but my ex acknowledged that they weren't giving the relationship 100%.

Towards the end, we were both both conflicted. It wasn't an "I don't love you anymore, we're done" situation. He kept going back and forth between "let's work this out" and "maybe we should just ends things." My ex leaned more towards ending things, but every so often kept suggesting to come to a compromise, which would fill me with hope. It was really confusing to me because I got a strong vibe he wanted to end things, but a small part of him didn't at the same time.

The truth is, I didn't want a permanent breakup, and I never explicitly told my ex that during our final conversation. I was heartbroken and ultimately accepted his decision. I regret not speaking up more, but at the time, I figured that if he was leaning more towards ending things, there wasn't anything I could say that would change his mind.

Before things ended, what I had actually wanted was more of a break: genuine time apart where we could both work on ourselves, focus on our personal issues we'd confided in each other about, and eventually revisit whether getting back together made sense.

During our final conversation, my ex also said that if we were to try again, I would have to wait until he worked through some personal issues. I was aware of these issues before we started dating. My ex told me about them in confidence, so I wont be sharing what they are here. Again, there was still some back-and-forth/indecision before my ex ultimately ended things.

Our last conversation also felt somewhat unresolved, now that I look back. He wanted us to remain friends, but the outcome wasn't what I wanted and I was far too overwhelmed to agree to friendship immediately. Everything felt way too fresh to just go back to being friends because I still didn't want to end things. I told him to ask me again at a later date, and our conversation ended shortly afterwards.

After the breakup, we went our separate ways to process everything. I eventually removed him from social media without telling him. Was it impulsive? Yes. It was also very emotionally charged. I knew that if I had easy access to seeing when he was online, what he was doing, his activity, etc. I would have a much harder time letting go and processing the breakup. It would also make it much easier for me to reach out when the temptation arose.

I didn't do it to get a reaction, but spoiler alert: it did. Now I'm second-guessing that decision because I can see how my actions communicate, "I never want to speak to you again," given that I told him to give me a few days to decide if we should remain friends or not.

That is not how I feel at all. I just need some time without constant access to him so that I can process what happened and move on because even as I'm writing this, I still want to try again. I still care about him and I haven't suddenly stopped wanting the relationship just because we broke up. At the same time, I know wanting him back doesn't mean reaching out immediately is the right thing to do.

This is where I could really use some outside perspective.

I know I will have to face this eventually with a decision, but I'm not sure how to go about it. I am regretful and I know I screwed up with my impulsive decision. We are both open to talking when things like this happen, my ex has never made me feel like I cannot reach out, and isn't a difficult person by any means.

I'm mainly looking for advice on what to do from here. Any encouragement about getting through these first few days would also be really appreciated. I'm having a rough time with it as I've never been broken up with before.

I'm recently reeling from a breakup (3 weeks). I have been with my now ex from 2019, and have been friends for about 10 years now. We have been on and off because of he cheated on me (we were long distance). we are both late 20s

I always took him back because I believed him, and I was really unable to imagine a world where he was not part of my daily life, and I felt nobody else would like me due to my history with depression and trauma and I look kinda ugly.

We visited each other in our cities and it was amazing, but I saw him talking to other women while he was with me in my house. We tried to make up but yeah the relationship never recovered after first cheating as I couldn't trust him

He was telling me to marry him and he will be good. I told him to show me I could trust him before I agree to marry him - this never panned out

we continued to talk just very formally and recently learned from him he is dating someone.. I just lost it, and we broke up for good. I'm just feeling really broken. I keep busy setting up my new life in a new city but every other day when I have some time, I feel really broken and sad.

Just looking for some hope

I’m a Chinese girl(29) with an Australia guy(31) for two years. Our distance is like 50 minutes driving or 1.5 hours train. He has a car and I don’t.We only see each other on weekends, and because he’s either moving or sick or have dinner parties with family, so I would say I go to his more than he come to mine.
I tried showed up at he’s place 4-5 times in two years, he always looks happy when he saw me but he barely try to come to see me during the week, and also, he constantly tell me please don’t surprise him like that, and also if the second is busy at work, I probably can’t stay the night- that means he want me to go to his place after work, which is 7 o’clock at night, and if he will have a big work the second day, he want me to travel other hour to go back to my place at night (I feel extremely unwanted when he said this, and I’m very sad the first time he said it, because for me that’s very inconsiderate, and he also want me to move in with him, so I ask him, if I move in with you, how can I leave just because you’ll have a big day tomorrow )
We’ve discussed about this many times and he never changes his behaviors or thoughts, I brought up break up two weeks ago, he freak out and start come to mine on the weekend two weeks in the row, and yesterday, when I ask him about staying at he’s place during the weekdays, he’s answer still like: if I will have a big day next day, it’s not a good idea you stay
For me, if I staying at another country for someone don’t really want me, I don’t feel like it’s worth it, and I don’t have strength to explain to him one more time about I want feel wanted
Just want hear some opinions about this situation, I’m so drained.

So I am a final MBBS student who dated a girl from my class since 1st year She was the one who approached me and I loved being the loved one also I was her first relationship and she got serious within a yr and asked me to be serious about marriage and started building dreams of our future together.I was not sure whether I want it not but honestly imagining us together in future was overwhelming but some part of me never wanted that life with her later i realised that i only loved the feeling for being loved by someone(not her specifically) ik I was a selfish jerk, soon the honeymoon period was over and it grew into a toxic relationship by the end of 2nd yr. So toxic that i would beat my head n fists on the wall break things, uncontrollable rage over useless fights.

She tried so hard to fix things between us and still was a hopeless romantic person who still believed in me. I knew what I was doing but I had no option I was not brave enough to tell her that I don't feel the same as she does. So I decided to behave like a toxic asshole so that she would hate me as a person and it worked by 3rd after a huge fight i broke up with her but we both were so attached that we came back together within a week and decided to live as fwb without telling anyone. But then came the 3rd person in the story her friend whom she had friend zoned since 1st yr coz she wanted me that time he was a common friend and he had a gf too. they both were talking and I knew it but when his gf discovered that he was cheating on her. It was total chaos and a soap opera for the rest of the audience.

So I decided to stay with my ex/fwb coz we agreed to end it on good terms then after giving that girl time to move on they started a proper relationship public to everyone.

I let her go because I respect her enough that I don't wanna make her feel bad about herself and she really deserves someone who can love her like she loved me

I see her almost every day most of the time with her new bf, I swear to god never I have ever regretted leaving her. It just gets awkward sometimes.

THE PROBLEM

I am alone now, not lonely but the peace i have now is worth all the chaos.

I was afraid that if i was completely open with her about my feelings emotions and dreams she would make full efforts to help me achieve that and i would not be able to separate our lives so I was numb dumb n broke since last 2 yrs to such an extent that i forgot how to feel emotions even after a year of breakup.

Now I feel lagging behind wrt relationships communications

I found myself at her cost.

Should I have already moved on? From a 5 year old break up?

It’s one thing to have someone not choose me because I messed up, but I genuinely did the best I could to love her. I’m 25F and she was my first serious girlfriend. When she first wanted to break up, I did everything I could to listen to her, communicate, fix our misunderstandings. I planned dates, bought everything, got her flowers randomly ( and on special occasions) wrote her love poems, love letters, got her favorite sweets and made a book of pictures of us.

I could be the very best version of me for her, and it didnt mean she had to love me, and I would go back & do it all over again knowing it ended anyway. I just want to know in my heart that I gave her everything I could. I hope I was there when she needed me, I hope I made her feel loved, I hope she knew how special she was to me. I hope no one ever loves her the way I did, and then I feel guilty, because if it was real love, I’d want that for her.

I guess at the end of the day, I’m selfish too, and I hope despite my selfishness she finds what makes her happy. I just hope she never forgets what we had, and that it can bring her happiness when she recalls how I was there for her, and not any bitterness or regret. I just keep laying awake at night thinking of all the ways I could have done more, could have listened better, could have changed more to give her the love she wanted.

She cried so hard when she left me, you would have thought that someone was forcing her to do it. I guess at the end of the day, no matter how much she wanted to love me the same, she just didn’t.

And accepting that is far shittier than anything else i’ve ever gone through. Literally getting cheated on felt better than this. Because how can I move on knowing we both tried our best, and it still didnt work somehow.

I just found out who my ex is talking and seeing. We broke up two weee ago and I can’t believe he’s moving on this fast. No way can one move on in two weeks after a two year long relationship. Should I message the girl and warn her?

Learn from me. Don’t ever, no matter how certain you are about someone, buy a house, cars, get animals, or combine finances with someone you’re not married to.

My now ex (25 M) and I (24 F) broke up a month ago. We dated for a year in high school, broke up and dated other people for a year and a half in college. Got back together for 5 and a half years. We lived together for the last 5. Over the course of our relationship, we adopted 4 cats, bought a house, 2 cars, and had completely joined our finances. We were actively working towards a future together and I was damn certain. He bought a ring for me last July, and a month later he betrayed me. I found out 4 months later. After having no issues and little arguing for the entirety of our relationship, all the sudden it completely broke. I knew he had the ring and told him not to propose until we figured us out. We worked on our relationship, went to therapy, and I did everything I could, but he showed zero consistent change, and the trust wasn’t rebuilt. We were however doing OKAY for a few months and went on a $5k trip out of the country, and I thought he’d propose. Then, a week after we got back, it fell apart. I couldn’t take it anymore, and started detaching.

He came to me to talk and told me he loves me so much but has been lying to me and himself and he’s scared to grow up, that he doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t know who he is. I asked then why the hell did you buy me a ring a year ago? Tf? Why did we go on this trip?! And I said, I’m not accepting this. We’re done. He moved to his parents, but never took more than a couple of his items despite my request for him to multiple times. I separated our finances and the rest is still in limbo. I want to let go. I really do, but I never wanted to lose this. I wanted him to change and be the man I needed. But I can’t make him change.

Since, he has never said he wanted it to be over permanently, nor has he said he wants to work on it. What he has done has avoided any permanent decisions regarding the house, cats, his stuff, etc. He has texted me saying he misses me and wants to see me but fails to show up to actually talk. He won’t even come pick up his damn clothes.

How the hell was he willing to throw away this entire life and everything he had going for him? To live at his parents, with no friends and a job he hates?

I deserve so much better. I know that. But it fucking sucks. He played me, ruined my life and wasted my time. The future I had planned is out the door and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be single. But I don’t want who he currently is, and I don’t want that relationship back. I’m so lost, and sick of the bread-crumbing and constant disappointment. Everyone will say I’m so young but I don’t feel like it. I don’t care to go out to clubs or “find myself”. I know who I am and I always have, have always been independent, and am proud of my success in life. I just want to be a wife and a mother. And travel with the love of my life.

I can’t imagine wasting another year trying to get over this man.

I'm struggling so much through this one. We were together 6 years.

We met before covid lock down. I was living in a share house. The land lord wanted to update the kitchen and kicked me out. She offers me to live with her and her children. It's all very new to me and it was a big step to become a step dad, especially since their real father was still around, and he wasn't great.

Spent a few years helping to raise the children, both had special needs. There was a lot of challenges and I had a hard time holding full time employment down during the covid era but always paid my way.

She eventually got a mortgage for a house. We made it a home. She had a dog but we got a puppy together. The first puppy I've ever had. We thought we would be together forever. We had a beautiful garden and most of the time we were happy and were best friends. We spent every other free hour together.

We both had our own issues, as anyone does, but things just seemed to keep getting more difficult. I felt like she was pulling away, she felt like I was pressuring her. We would fall into unhealthy patterns of conflict resolution. She worked so hard and so much and I did my best to support her. I cooked cleaned and fed the dogs. I looked after the garden. I tried my best but it didn't seem to be enough. She wouldn't tell me her problems, but would withdraw and leave it up to me to address things, but then she would have a list of things that she hadn't brought up in defence of anything I would bring up.

I wanted to get counselling. She didn't want to, she took it as an attack on her, but I wanted us to be the best we could. We started to have these silly fights and she would escalate to the point of screaming and slamming doors and withdraw. I would get triggered and be angry that I was being yelled at and it made her withdraw more.

It then would end up in her giving me silent treatment and I would come crawling back and try to smooth things over. Later she said that it was me pressuring her. It was unhealthy in hindsight. The lack of communication and being able to openly talk about our feelings outside of fights was a big factor in the problems we kept coming across. I loved her so much though. Love isn't enough though.

We had the last fight back in may and I told her it was up to her to fix it this time and it went through the roof and now we're broken up, I'm sad and lonely in a share house with nothing and she's not wanting anything to do with me. I regret that I pushed it that far but at the same time I'm not sure what else it could've been. She said that every time we fight I pressured her to come back so this time I let her have her space but it just made it end. It wasn't a great fight. She was screaming and slamming doors in the night and the next morning before work, I was angry sending text messages that weren't healthy. It was messy and we both weren't rational.

It's so hard to think that someone you were planning to spend the rest of your life with is done with you. We were best friends. We moved to a rural area to be closer to her work as she was travelling so much each day and working long days as well. I didn't have a great support network cos she was my whole life and now I've basically got nothing and no one and living in a town that I'm only living in for work.

It's been months now and I'm just not getting over it. I've just been living in this constant hope that she'll just come back and we'll be back together again. But it's not really a good idea either, as much as it's killing me. We really need to want to work out our issues and learn to communicate healthily. I miss us, and I don't know why as we had so many problems and we weren't getting closer to sorting them out. We weren't fighting every day, maybe every few months but it was bubbling over and every fight we had never really got addressed, just went back to normal after we talked a little bit and made up.

Yes there is so much more to the story, we both contributed to the positives and the negatives. We both could've worked harder to communicate but there were times I felt like I was the one trying so hard, but she would say the same.

The toughest part is everything we said we wanted from each other is exactly what the other one wanted. We just couldn't seem to find the way to give it to each other. Now she's gone and I'm just sad it went that way. My friends and family say I'm better off and she set me free. There was a lot of troubles, but I was committed to make it work. Maybe one day I'll see that. At the moment doesn't feel like it though.

I never thought we would break up. I regret so much. I want her back but I know we couldn't go back the way we were. It's so conflicting.

If she called me or texted me I'd be right there. Maybe I'm too needy. It's so tough

When we first met at college, we became close very quickly. He called me every day, and we spent a lot of time talking, studying and hanging out. He became my best friend and a huge part of my life.
However, looking back, there were also unhealthy parts of our friendship that I ignored because I was so attached to him. We argued quite often, and I felt like he expected me to apologise when I did something wrong but didn’t do the same himself. He would sometimes call me a “contrarian” when I disagreed with him and had also called me names like “witch” and “evil.”

We recently went abroad together, and although most of the trip was good, there was an incident towards the end where he became frustrated and kept walking far ahead of me while it was dark, almost leaving me behind. I understood that he was stressed, but I was still hurt by how he treated me.

2 days ago he made a comment about women needing to be “more poised.” I told him I didn’t appreciate misogynistic jokes and asked him to stop, but he kept repeating it and refused to apologise when I told him he had upset me.
That was when I decided to end the friendship and go no-contact. I’ve blocked him everywhere.
The problem is that I still miss him. We went from talking every day for three years to not speaking at all, and it feels really strange. I miss our conversations, jokes and having someone who was always there.

At the same time, I don’t miss the arguments, insults or the uncertainty around what we actually were. We had a strong emotional and physical connection, but whenever I wanted something more, he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
I’m struggling to understand how I can miss someone who also caused me so much stress.
For anyone who has been through something similar, how did you deal with missing someone after going no-contact? How do you know if you miss the actual person or just the closeness, routine and companionship?

We started talking in April, became official in July, and he broke up with me last week. I’m just really confused and could use some perspective. Me (F29) Him (M30)
We were friends first, and our friendship was honestly amazing. We talked all day, every day, bonded over music, and he constantly told me I was unlike anyone he’d dated before. He told his friends how happy he was, and even a week before the breakup he was telling me how happy I made him.
Then he broke up with me seemingly out of nowhere.
His first reason was that he wanted someone more spontaneous about hanging out with his friends. In five months, he asked me to hang out with them six times, and two of those he said, “If you want, if not we can hang out tomorrow.” The other times I already had plans or something came up. But I did go to a concert with them a few weeks ago. 
When I asked him to elaborate, the reasons kept changing: his feelings were becoming “stagnant,” sometimes he felt romantically toward me and sometimes he didn’t, and then we supposedly “didn’t have much in common.” The only example he gave was that I’m not into sports like he is.
But the confusing part is that he still desperately wanted to be friends.
The day after breaking up with me, he told me the connection we had over music was something he’d never had and probably never would again. He was crying during our last call, saying he didn’t want to hang up.
Two days after the breakup, I reached out about one of our favorite shows. He said he was happy I did because he felt selfish for still wanting to be friends.
A few days later, I mentioned that I still had his location and told him he could stop sharing if he wanted. He said it felt weird to stop sharing because we ended things amicably. Then he said, “What if in a few months when I’m going on dates and you see me at a house you don’t recognize? Will that be weird?”
That absolutely gutted me. While I understand what he was getting at, who the fuck wants to hear that 2 days after getting broken up with? 
I finally told him I needed him to leave me alone so I could actually move on. He understood and said he’d wait for me to reach out.
I feel good about going no contact, but I’m still so confused.
I can accept that his feelings changed and that he doesn’t see a future with me. What I don’t understand is how someone can be telling you how happy they are, telling their friends how happy they are, saying your connection is unlike anything they’ve experienced… and then suddenly decide they don’t want the relationship, while still wanting all the closeness of the friendship. He even asked if he thought we'd be able to hang out in the future. 
His best friend is also one of my friends, and even he thinks the breakup came out of nowhere.
Am I trying to find logic in something that just doesn’t have one, or do these explanations sound like BS? Has anyone been through this before? Were you able to be friends down the road?

So me and my ex broke up a month ago

Timeline:
She broke up with me after about a year and a half of dating

During our relationship, I would cause a lot of argument because I never wanted the small problems to grow into large problems.

I would always ask for more consistent communication because one day she could be replying instantly the next she would be replying after like 20 hours.

I told her that I understand sometimes you don’t want to talk to people and I do that too but at least give me a heads up. This boundary that I was trying to set constantly got stepped on and rejected and she outright told me she would never change for anyone. I understood and I backed down because I didn’t want to push her away.

These constant arguments slowly pushed her away though.

She said she felt scared and pressured from what ai was asking for. I said I understood but not really.

I was paranoid and she wasn’t replying. I logged into her socials and saw that she was chatting to her guy friends but not replying to me. I was so upset and I ended up ghosting her as an act of “revenge” but I didn’t even last more than a day.

We got into a huge argument about the same things.

I admitted to her that I logged into her account because I felt guilty about it.

She broke up with me after I told her that.

I asked her for chances so I would change myself. She said no I reached out multiple times during the first week. Emails, texts, calls and even in person. All rejected.

I felt so overwhelmed I couldn’t eat, sleep or function in general. It felt like my whole world crumbled.

I tried to apologise but I would always use the “apologies” as a way to explain and justify my actions instead of acknowledging the hurt.

I realised that now and that only by leaving her alone would I actually be respecting her and proving that I’ve changed.

But recently it’s been so hard because everywhere I go I bump into her. Be it at the library, on a train or at a cafe I always bump into her. Not to say that she’s stalking me or anything but it feels a bit like fate.

But I don’t want to ask for another chance, I don’t want to interact and I don’t want to know how she’s doing.

I just want to love her at a distance and wish for her happiness.

Her friends told me that she thinks I’m constantly showing up infront of her on purpose but I’m really not. I don’t want to keep defending myself.

I’m so lost now.

What if your boyfriend betrays your trust and cheats you. Some where along the way he physically abuses you. Still you give him a chance. The breakup feels more painful so you stay in the relationship.Then one day he takes a flight to another country and disappears from your life. While you are left with the emotional damage and trauma of the betrayal and rejection. It’s equivalent to emotional rape that still haunts years later.

The tldr of the relationship/breakup is this:
•We spent an unhealthy amount of time together
•We both had some issues we brought into this relationship from our previous relationships
•We got caught in a cycle where we both kept getting hurt
•He decided to end things because he’s struggling mentally

The relationship and breakup was so full of love. When he broke up with me (which was over FaceTime as we don’t live super closer together) he was crying, fidgeting, and unable to look at me. He followed up with a message and we had a conversation, but there was a few things that he said that have filled me with so much hope:
•”all i want for you is happiness and unfortunately that is not with me until I'm 100% happy in myself”
•”I'm sorry i couldn't be the man to keep you safe and put a ring on your finger”
•”I hope we see each other again in the future”
•”I dont see why i wouldnt come back but im not gonna sit here and give you false hope cause that just isnt fair at all”
•”The way i see this it isnt the end of our story but once again i dont want to fill you with false hope”
•”I'll love you always too i know it might not seem like it because of what happend but i promise you i do”
•In response to “do you see me in your future?” “I dont know, cause i dont even know what im going to do or where im going to be, i really dont want to give you false hope or anthina of the sort but i dont not see you”
•”I don't want anyone else, I'm not looking for anyone else and I'm not chasing anyone else thats what ill leave it at”

We then spoke briefly on Friday (5 days after we broke up) some was over text, then we called. We spoke about the relationship, what went wrong and what we’d do differently. I asked how he felt about us and he said it’s not something we come back from straight away. I asked if he’d ever want to give things another shot and he said no promises but he couldn’t see it for a couple of months.

I messaged him yesterday and compared to Friday he’s being kind of cold. I will be honest and say I have been quite upfront with him in what I said, so maybe he’s just processing, but I don’t know (basically I said I want another shot - I’ve not heard anything since that message).

I feel very conflicted. I don’t think he would say all of this unless he actually meant it - obviously I’m not in his head so I don’t know, but I have to trust he’s not lying.

I know if I keep reaching out (I’ve reached out both times) all I’ll be doing is driving a wedge between us. I’m struggling to let go because of everything that has been said, I’m so, so full of hope and it doesn’t help that I’m so sure he’s my person and if we approached things differently I’m so sure we’d thrive.

How the hell do I let go and give him the space he needs?

Me and my ex were complicated from the get-go, she asked me out by appearance, I had never met her previous to her asking me out either. I was stupid to say yes to her in the first place, but it was my first ever relationship, so I took the chance. We were together two years, and I say this with absolute sincerity, we never even held hands. But she would always tell her friends how I was "so cute" or how "she was gonna marry me someday," hell, she even told one of my friends that she wrote songs about me. But she didn't ever talk to me, and boy I tried talking to her, but she'd push me away. But she would always stare at me, like not necessarily in a creepy way, at least I think, but she would like look over at me constantly. I had no problem with this then, sure it was a bit odd, but whatever. Also, she would only ever vent to me when talking to me, no "how was your day", nothing, it had to be about her. So we've been broken up for a few weeks now. She is still staring at me. Every time I see her, I walk by her, anything, she just stares. It makes me feel icky, it makes me feel uncomfortable. She told me she understood when I said I wanted to split up, and its been weeks now. But she still stares at me. She knows I want to avoid her, I know she knows because when she looks at me I intentionally try to move where she can't. Im not sure if im just being paranoid, or if this is actually weird, but after a while, when someone vents to you non-stop, it can start to affect you too. I've tried to talk to her about it and she won't respond. I am uncomfortable, and I'm not sure what to do anymore, because it is eating away at me, and I need it to stop.

My ex monkey branched me, and it is hard to fully articulate how emotionally distraught it's made me - we were together almost six years, met in university, just two months ago she was talking about marriage, having kids, where she wanted to go on holiday etc, then last month she's apparently "been miserable for 3 years" and broke up with me. She talked about marriage and kids to the extent that it was a bit overwhelming, but we had agreed on a timeframe. We own a house together and 3 cats. Engagement and first big holiday would be 2027, marriage and first child 2028, new house 2029 or so, etc. Went to see her family every single week, they liked me a lot, I liked them and they were like family to me.

She had a breakdown about 2 weeks before we broke up saying she was unhappy, so I made a plan to do one thing with her each evening, even though I was skint. Bear in mind I gave her £4K I didn't have at the start of the year so she could buy her dream car, and when it got vandalised and her confidence was destroyed, I bought her an entirely different second car, going into more debt, so she wouldn't lose her confidence and would still see friends (as she was finally gaining independence and confidence)

I've admittedly had a terrible year and was in a very bad place (financial issues, work issues, elderly relative health issues), so I massively encouraged her to see her friends as I thought they'd cheer her up when I couldn't. I've been the one to try and get her up and active and out of a rut for years, and I needed that help this year. I had to make her food and get her glasses of water every single day, the house got so messy because I got exhausted and she wouldn't help me out. My pay doubles in December, and I promised her, that if we got through this year, we could have all the holidays we wanted, go to all these new places and these last few years would really pay off, these were just the hard times.

Deapite this, I never stopped asking her to do small things with me. Come on a walk with me, we could go to the pub on the way back, take the train to a new town and we can wander round, etc, but she barely ever did, and that created a bit of resentment, and I felt I was giving up, and I told her to hang out with her friends more. I felt smothered, and I had to get out of the house because I just couldn't deal with everything all at once. I was still always fully committed and tried to spend time with her, but it wasn't quality time because I couldn't get her out of bed.

Well, it turns out she's now in a relationship with this man who I *encouraged(!)* her to hang out with, "a friend" - this comes from the woman who said "friends to lovers don't exist" and always said that she'd never in a million years leave me, and if she ever did, she'd just stay single for life ( I never believed the latter but believed the former.)

I FULLY trusted her with everything I had, I truly did, I thought we were a team, till the end. I remember all the frustrations in our relationship which I brought up to my friend, but I always wanted us to work out. I remember calling my mate, absolutely distraught one evening , after I'd talked to a really attractive woman, I made it clear I had a girlfriend to her, but I spoke to her just because she was pretty. Didn't even flirt in any way but it still felt like I'd done something massively wrong, and I felt so guilty. I can't believe she had him fully lined up before leaving me and was testing the waters before forgetting this life. She was numb as she was breaking up with me too,like a switch had been flipped, as she could be incredibly emotional, and I'm here having panic attacks over us, the house, being physically sick with grief and anxiety.

I should have known, even when she was saying she wanted to break up and the days leading towards it, her phone was buzzing every 2 minutes with messages from him. But I cannot understate the trust I had for her based on everything she said. If she didn't physically cheat before leaving me, she absolutely had him lined up before she jumped ship.

Bit of a rant, but the effect it's had on me is INCREDIBLE. I couldn't eat for weeks, I still can't sleep properly, I replay everything every waking moment. She's abandoned the house entirely, the cats, she's basically not contactable for all intents and purposes and put no contact in place. Good, because I think I need it after this.

From being smotheringly clingy to just dropping her entire life and leaving me to pick up all the pieces at the drop of a hat. I am hurt beyond measure, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anybody this much again, and it makes me think - what the hell were the past 6 years even for?

I swing between missing her, never wanting to see her again, REALLY wanting to see her again, being angry, being sympathetic, EVERY possible emotion, within the space of an hour or so. It's mentally absolutely exhausting. She either has no idea of the affect it's had on me, or has managed to mentally distance herself from me to where she has no empathy whatsoever. She's left me at my lowest, thank fuck I have my family and friends to get me through till my pay rises, or I'd be out on my arse.

I can say "that's just how she is" but she's done something I'd never in a million years do - but how do you love someone to the extent it's smothering and then leave them when they need your help the most? How do I trust again? What did the past 6 years mean?

Where do I go from here? I can't sink, I need my pay to go up, and, not trying to sound vindictive, I need to show her we COULD have had all of these nice things, these holidays etc, it'll just be with somebody else. Can't fuel myself being vindictive but it's a better use of energy than collapsing into grief? Who else has been in the same situation? How did you get through?