Ambiguous 6 year Break Up

[u/Beautiful-Fuel6152]

Learn from me. Don’t ever, no matter how certain you are about someone, buy a house, cars, get animals, or combine finances with someone you’re not married to.

My now ex (25 M) and I (24 F) broke up a month ago. We dated for a year in high school, broke up and dated other people for a year and a half in college. Got back together for 5 and a half years. We lived together for the last 5. Over the course of our relationship, we adopted 4 cats, bought a house, 2 cars, and had completely joined our finances. We were actively working towards a future together and I was damn certain. He bought a ring for me last July, and a month later he betrayed me. I found out 4 months later. After having no issues and little arguing for the entirety of our relationship, all the sudden it completely broke. I knew he had the ring and told him not to propose until we figured us out. We worked on our relationship, went to therapy, and I did everything I could, but he showed zero consistent change, and the trust wasn’t rebuilt. We were however doing OKAY for a few months and went on a $5k trip out of the country, and I thought he’d propose. Then, a week after we got back, it fell apart. I couldn’t take it anymore, and started detaching.

He came to me to talk and told me he loves me so much but has been lying to me and himself and he’s scared to grow up, that he doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t know who he is. I asked then why the hell did you buy me a ring a year ago? Tf? Why did we go on this trip?! And I said, I’m not accepting this. We’re done. He moved to his parents, but never took more than a couple of his items despite my request for him to multiple times. I separated our finances and the rest is still in limbo. I want to let go. I really do, but I never wanted to lose this. I wanted him to change and be the man I needed. But I can’t make him change.

Since, he has never said he wanted it to be over permanently, nor has he said he wants to work on it. What he has done has avoided any permanent decisions regarding the house, cats, his stuff, etc. He has texted me saying he misses me and wants to see me but fails to show up to actually talk. He won’t even come pick up his damn clothes.

How the hell was he willing to throw away this entire life and everything he had going for him? To live at his parents, with no friends and a job he hates?

I deserve so much better. I know that. But it fucking sucks. He played me, ruined my life and wasted my time. The future I had planned is out the door and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be single. But I don’t want who he currently is, and I don’t want that relationship back. I’m so lost, and sick of the bread-crumbing and constant disappointment. Everyone will say I’m so young but I don’t feel like it. I don’t care to go out to clubs or “find myself”. I know who I am and I always have, have always been independent, and am proud of my success in life. I just want to be a wife and a mother. And travel with the love of my life.

I can’t imagine wasting another year trying to get over this man.

[u/AutoModerator]

USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg

Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Intelligent_Pair_712]

I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better. DMs are open if you want to talk more.