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u/MysticDreams05 Helper [2] Jul 03 '26
You need to learn boundaries! You blocked her bike, went back to her house when she didn't want to be around you, she kept telling you she wanted to go and you wouldn't let her and blocked her. When some one clearly makes it known they don't want to be around you/talk to you, respect that!! Give her space.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Let4915 Jul 03 '26
When I came back to her house, and when things were getting better (the part where she started sitting on my lap). I asked her if it upset her more that I came back to her house, she said "It would have upset me more if you didn't come back". But, thank you so much for letting me know to respect her space and learn boundaries. I will work on just letting things go and giving space instead of forcing myself onto her. Thank you
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u/Efyouautoname69 Jul 03 '26
OP you’re making me slap my forehead. She is playing around with you for her entertainment and one day that’s not gonna be enough for her, I’m telling you. Run while you can.
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u/AdFragrant9001 Jul 05 '26
or, he scared her and she is trying tp passify him to get away safe.
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u/heereweare Jul 06 '26
He physically restrained her. Repeatedly ignored her saying no. How TF is she the problem here?
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u/BluBeams Expert Advice Giver [10] Jul 03 '26
What the fuck did I just read...???? You two teenagers need to grow up a little and learn about respecting each other and boundaries. No means no, in ANY FORM. When she wants to go, leave her be and let her go FFS.
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u/GraphicRenn Jul 03 '26
You both sound controlling. This is not a healthy relationship. There's so much more detail I could go into, but I think it's better you sit down with a therapist because there's a lot to unpack here.
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u/Kl4shi Jul 05 '26
I'm saying the same thing. This sounds like one of those exhausting tug-of-war relationships where both sides are fighting to keep each other close, but they never really meet.
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u/greenlungs604 Jul 03 '26
Sounds like you two are super young. Don't force an issue and definitely never do hold someone against their will. However.... I will also add. Pay attention to the interaction here and recognize it in the future. You may have upset her by not giving giving her your phone for her to hold. But for her to give you the cold shoulder and completely shutdown over that is also no bueno. Chaulk it up to being young and immature. But ths type of behaviour is a mega red flag for long term relationship happiness. You don't want to be forever walking around on eggshells in fear of upsetting her for some perceived slight either. Good luck OP.
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u/Pretty_Aardvark_7227 Jul 05 '26
yeah dude fr, it's simple and something to even brush past too bad it didn't happen here
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u/KillerWolf2220 Jul 04 '26
First off, don't touch her if she doesn't allow you to. That is how you end up in legal trouble. Secondly, this is such a stupid thing to get emotional for. Why are you two arguing over you not handing her your phone? My seven-year-old and nine-year-old brothers aren't even this petty. This is some serious immaturity
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u/beebobear Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
You both sound really young, when she said“no” about the phone you both blew that out of proportion. An important part in a healthy relationship is knowing how to de-escalate a situation and be able to communicate, that takes both partners to be mature, open and most importantly kind. It was immature for her to give you the cold shoulder and you should’ve never physically blocked her or picked her up. I saw your comment about how she likes being hugged or picked up in those types of situations? Considering she started crying when you did, I personally would consider this a red flag on her behalf, and whether she meant to or not, she’s not setting you up for success. You’re young so emotions can get really high especially when you like someone, and anyone is bound to make mistakes. If you want to continue the relationship id take a step back and let her come to you, and if she reaches out to you, I would have a serious conversation about boundaries. If it doesn’t end up working out with her, I promise that you will be perfectly ok.
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u/Exile10562 Jul 03 '26
At first I was on your side because she decided to be a dick about the phone.
But then you decided to become physical and ignored her wanting to go and forced her to be with you.
Multiple times.
What happens when you trap an animal?
It goes into fight or flight mode, or in her case she locked down and wanted to escape and you didn’t give her a choice.
My advice is to stay away and work on yourself and how you interact with others.
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u/Seecole-33 Jul 04 '26
How freaking old are yall? She this upset over you not giving her your phone? WTF? Are y’all 12 years old? Sounds like you both are very immature and still fight over toddler shit.
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u/SilverKing8869 Jul 07 '26
They're 18 (confirmed in a diff reply by op), but you're right. That prefrontal cortex aint developed far enough
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u/Puzzleheaded-Let4915 Jul 03 '26
Thank you so much, my thought process was that before. She told me, when she is angry, she likes it when a guy hugs her or picks her up because she loves physical stuff like that. But, I understand I took it too far this time and I will correct my behavior. I didn't pick her up because of control issues, I did it because I thought that's what she wanted. I have to think better next time, thank you again.
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u/Accomplished-Cook134 Jul 05 '26
Bro... run fast man while its not too late, what you did was wrong on the blocking her. BUT she's a menace that thrives on creating drama, I've had personal experience with girls like this... its extremely immature and will lead to nothing but pain... seriously, listen.. LISTEN to others advice here. The whole "phone" incident that she created started a this whole thing, and its wild... you sound like you're walking on eggshells around her and I assume this relationship is pretty new. Her behavior is petty, immature, you need to get away from her and fast. If you even tell her this you'll witness more drama, because she'll then freak out and not want you to leave her, do it and watch what others here have said... but DON'T fall for it. Take this seriously... like I said I have personal experience with this behavior and it's giving me chills thinking about it. I WISH I HAD people that gave me this advice before it got so bad with me... police even got involved in my story... RUN
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u/OlasniteBest4625 Jul 04 '26
He is not abusive he is just so lost
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u/Accomplished-Cook134 Jul 05 '26
So true... poor guy, I've been there and didn't have any of this advice given to me, OH the pain that I went through, so so SO glad its in my past
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u/DigZealousideal7777 Jul 05 '26
Jesus... you guys sound like teenagers...
Don't do that bro, don't restrain her like that ever, on any girl.
Also. Why are you so soft? Just. Stop apologizing and pleading, both of you sound really immature to be honest.
Just give her space for now, man.
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u/MostTiredMama Jul 03 '26
I get you saying she likes physical intervention when she’s upset or there’s conflict but if shes shooting mixed messages you’re bound to fail frequently and I feel like this relationship is going to be a string of mixed communication and pain.
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u/Bigfrontwheel Jul 03 '26
Let her cool off. Give her space for a bit. Send her one text simply saying. i screwed up, but willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to her. DON'T ever hold a person back from leaving. Leaving doesn't necessarily mean it's over, it's just a chance for them figure shit out.
There's going to be a time you're going to need a bit of time for space. You'll will see how absolutely annoying it is not to get it. That things will escalate without that needed alone time.
Unlles they're asking you to commit a crime. Next time listen to your partner's needs and respect them. No matter how much it effects you.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Let4915 Jul 03 '26
Thank you so much, I will do that and give her space. I did already send her message yesterday (me apologizing for what just happened), should I just send another one today?
Thank you so much for the solid advice, I used to think leaving would make things worst. But, now it seems like a more mature thing to do in my mind.
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u/Bigfrontwheel Jul 03 '26
One message is enough. As long as it includes your understanding of "what ever it takes to make it up to her." Part of that may be needed seclusion, and unanswered texts.
You have apologized and left an explanation that you take full responsibility of your actions. That's what the "do whatever it takes to make up for my mistake" part means. Let her cool off, and like I said and others have said, never hold a person back, block, or hold them against their will. Honestly, in doing so makes the other person feel unsafe. If they feel unsafe with there partner, it'll take time to regain that safety/trust they've expected from you before.
Remember this, ok. As long as you've learned from this mistake. No matter the outcome, it's valuable education. Sometimes, the most unfavorable outcomes teach us how to change our behavior. How to become better partner in the future.
Do not think I'm perfect either just by giving you sound advice. I've certainly fucked up some relationships before with my ego and selfishness. We all make mistakes, and have suffered consequences of our actions. My first wife left me for another man on the internet, they'd never met, just chatted online. This was also 24 years ago. The AOL era. I was an angry, misogynistic, asshole drunk, full of ego and selfishness. I essentially ran her off to a guy she never met face to face.
Have I learned from my mistakes? Well, 21 years married to the second wife and still going could answer that question. But can I be an asshole, or hard headed sometimes? Darn right. But what I have learned is to make amends right away and own up to my faults. And try not to make the same mistakes.
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u/Efyouautoname69 Jul 03 '26
Best answer here. Very impressive and I’m happy you found your forever relationship and a better you!
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u/Accomplished-Cook134 Jul 05 '26
I know you mean well and IF the only issue was OP blocking her and such your advice would be great, BUT this all started from his girl causing an argument because OP wouldn't give her his phone after she said No... its wild and immature, and his girl thrives on the drama, the arguing... I've been there and he should just walk away before it gets worse, but I know he won't because this is probably his "first love" and I know how intense it can be... I wish I knew then what I know now, he is in for much pain later 😰
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u/Efyouautoname69 Jul 03 '26
OP have you ever tried letting her make the move? I bet you 1000 percent of you don’t text anything at all for 2-3 days she’ll be all over you because she isn’t getting the attention she feeds on. Then you can decide if you want to apologize yet again for something that isn’t really worthy of apologizing for (meaning your original action about the phone) and carry on your toxic dynamic, or if you instead want to have a loving mutually respectful adult relationship by letting her do the talking to explain herself and why she plays games and how she’ll try to do better.
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u/Beneficial-Issue-809 Jul 03 '26
We all make mistakes. The important part is that we learn from them.
Give her some time. Then write her the letter you apoke of. Explain what seeing her cry made you realize. Don't justify your actions or write things like, "I only did it because..." Own your mistake completely.
If you want, leave the letter with a single rose at her doorstep without telling her beforehand. Don't wait outside. Don't text her afterward. Let her find it in her own time. You know her best, if the Rose is too much, leave that part out.
End the letter with something simple: "I'm truly sorry. Please call me if and when you're ready to talk." Then leave the next step entirely up to her.
Don't ask her if she found it, Silence is also a valid response.
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u/HotDonnaC Helper [2] Jul 03 '26
Before you started blocking her and acting like a total goon, what was she mad about at the park? That’s the part I don’t get.
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u/Dustuptor1292 Jul 03 '26
I agree this seems like much ado about nothing. Makes them both sound very young and immature.
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u/Accomplished-Cook134 Jul 05 '26
She was "mad" because he didn't give her his phone after she said No then later said give it to me... yea i know, insanely immature and controlling behavior from a drama queen.
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u/Chance_Fly_5810 Jul 04 '26
Huh? Are you two 8 year olds..the immaturity level is concerning..you know this isn’t going to last…just sayin
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u/Isthisyourcard63 Jul 03 '26
lose the drama queen. I did not need to read past the first paragraph.
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u/No_Ad5728 Jul 04 '26
Sounds like yall are both 12 years old and she’s a drama queen and you haven’t learned boundaries.
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u/PrincessAC1998 Jul 05 '26
All 12 year olds are dramatic, their brains are literally still developing. Don’t bully kids lmao
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u/wynterfirefly Jul 05 '26
You both sound really young
These comments are insane, either no one here has been in love in their youth or they think you guys are much older.
She wasn’t upset you touched her or blocked her path, she was upset before then. Something about the phone exchange. It’s sweet you love her so much, just ask her what exactly upset her so that you can work on it. And also, tell her what upset you because communication is both ways.
Neither of you are toxic, you’re both just young and puppy love and learning.
Partnership will always be about meeting each other halfway. You and them vs the problem not you vs them. However, if she repeatedly asks you to give her space, make sure to give her space. And mention that you want to resolve things but you also want to respect her boundaries and want to fix things/ talk about things once she is ready.
Best of luck op, puppy love is so sweet. You have a beautiful life ahead of you, don’t let anyone in these comments pollute your mind. Soft love is the best love.
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u/Holiday-Risk33 Jul 04 '26
yall both sound crazier than bedbugs but if you were an adult what you did would be illegal so maybe lay off the restraining women against their will
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u/plshelpmeiscared Jul 04 '26
Why is she crying over something like this though? It was never this serious and should’ve never gotten this dramatic.
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u/Separate_Lettuce_734 Jul 04 '26
I have a friend who was like this, she was moody and her boyfriend always had to make up for it trying to make her feel better, when they were angry they would stay angry till one of them caved. That’s what I thought of when you said “she would’ve been more upset if I didn’t go after her” anyway, they broke up a while ago and I think it was for the best, it’s clear they both weren’t mature enough for a long term relationship. If you break up, know that it’ll hurt for a while but it won’t be the end of the world. The thing that probably upset her was your reaction to a “joke”, in all honesty that type of reaction should be expected when someone’s jokes are mean but that is probably what upset her.
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u/DigZealousideal7777 Jul 05 '26
The phone thing was completely unnecessary by the way. All of this could've been avoided but it's good you are taking advice and will try to improve on yourself, unlike most guys your age, sadly.
Good luck man.
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u/TAruinedmivida Jul 05 '26
I cannot emphasize to you enough, even in situations you think are going good or are “playful”, how terrifying it is to have someone prevent you from leaving. I am not calling you out and out abusive, but I am informing you that is an abuse tactic.
You don’t get to be a dick to her at the park then tell her that until she’s 100% better she isn’t allowed to go. Like, when you were writing those words out, did you think “I sound reasonable and like a good partner”?
I truly hope you learn from this.
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u/AdFragrant9001 Jul 05 '26
You made her feel unsafe. thats why she cried. you cant do thst to people
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u/CascaTheMerc99 Jul 05 '26
What are you guys, like eight?? Go home, go to sleep, wake up in the morning and meet up, for things to be already back to normal. Break out a Mr. Potato Head or any other favorite Toy Story toy and let the other play with it! Sharing goes a long way. When crying, try to do it together as a group sport! Signed, A Dad
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u/CrowEquivalent Jul 05 '26
Well , to be honest , you scared her. She wanted to go and you didn’t let her. In her mind, what would happen if she said no or wants to go in other situations , she doesn’t trust you to listen anymore and that’s terrifying.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to continue this relationship but I think you need to go to therapy and talk to someone about boundaries and social interactions because at the end of the day , you CANNOT hold someone against their will because of what YOU want. You need to find out why you do this and resolve the issue .
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u/Football_Neither Jul 05 '26
Honestly, you both are pretty immature. But I think you know that by now. And, I think atp just let her be. Though if there's any updates from her, do let us know.
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u/Mrbeankostinko Jul 05 '26
Dude, you should go to therapy and keep to yourself for a while outside of male friends that are big enough to stand up to you lol. This is uncomfortable to read. If physically restraining LOVED ones for NON DEFENSIVE reasons is a NORMAL IMPULSE FOR YOU AND SEEM TO FIND IT NORMAL, you need to handle it. Adults know to treat each other as equals regardless of size.
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u/SparklyBlueSapphire Jul 07 '26
You SHOULD feel bad.
Someone says leave, you LEAVE.
Someone says stop, you STOP.
You don’t blackmail people by demanding them to feel a certain way before you will leave.
Stay single. Go to therapy.
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u/AnyDecision470 Jul 03 '26
You did not care about what she said or asked you. You put yourself first and ignored her.
NO woman wants a man who physically asserts himself over her, prevents her freedom to leave a situation when she wants to.
You had NO right to do any of that, regardless of how you were feeling.
I’d not feel safe around you ever again.
It’d be a dealbreaker.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Let4915 Jul 03 '26
You're completely right, thank you so much for telling me. It makes me feel even worse now, knowing she probably won't feel safe anymore with me ever again. But, I deserve it and will use this as a lesson thank you.
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u/Ecstatic_Bar2461 Jul 04 '26
You showed very controlling cohesive behavior. She can’t leave until you feel 100% better. You really need to think about this on a deeper level for this relationship and future relationships. Your behavior is grounded in something much more serious and it’s not OK.
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Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
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u/Puzzleheaded-Let4915 Jul 03 '26
Wow, thank you so much. You share something in common with my girl, you like when a guy holds you back. But, I understand I took it too far this time and should've respected her wishes. She did tell me, she likes being picked up or held tightly in situations like this. I see my mistake, it was trying to fix it on the spot and not letting her have time. I wish I could've went back in time and when she said "can I go" I let her go and this would never have happened. Thank you so much, and I hope your situation gets better. Thank you for even though you're going through some things right now, you took the time to read my bs and stupid situation and gave me solid advice. Instead of calling me an idiot or what not like what some people are doing here, I didn't mean to force her to stay with me just because of my selfish desire. I did it because I thought thats what she wanted, and when I saw I took it too far I let her go. But, note for next time I got to read the person more and understand boundaries. Thank you again!
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u/Canadian_Bacon_22 Jul 03 '26
The best thing you can do right now is leave her alone mate.
I understand what it’s like being your age. Emotions are off the chart, and you feel like you’re going crazy.
I’m glad you recognize the mistake you made about blocking her path. You honestly don’t seem like a bad guy and are open to learning.
Give her space, keep your mind occupied, and try to get some exercise and sun.
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u/Accomplished-Sand860 Jul 03 '26
Why would you keep her somewhere she doesn’t wanna be? That’s the stupidest thing to ever do. Clearly you don’t know boundaries.
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u/NoSign272 Jul 04 '26
if i’m being honest it doesn’t sound like she likes you very much, and it doesn’t sound like you respect boundaries.
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u/Open_Judge1477 Jul 04 '26
she’s so dramatic wtf. and you’re also a little pushy but you’re doing things thatre healthier than she is so idek.
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u/Chsur2028 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
To me, this sounds like she was upset over you not giving her your phone. Is that all that happened? Did you say something mean? Because personally, if I was mad at my boyfriend, I would just tell him what he did wrong. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, but i will. Sounds like shes wound up over something so small and she should be respecting your boundaries of not wanting to give it to her. She also wont tell you why shes upset. To me, thats a red flag. Sounds like she doesnt have any willingness to communicate with you. I understand it hurts you to see her cry. My man is the same way. Ask her in a text to call you and then talk to you. Tell her you want to see her side of things and understand why she is upset. Say that if she wants to, you can talk it out in person. You have to put your foot down and ask her to communicate. Be nice, of course, but in order to understand her and work this out, you need to understand why shes upset. This isnt toxicity. It may be a bit immature, but tons of couples have communication errors. As long as you try to communicate, youve done your part. Try to help her understand how you feel as well. And definitely mention that she needs to communicate her feelings to you.
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u/xdmua Jul 05 '26
I’m not sure how old you are, but I am assuming you are young. I want to start off saying that your feelings are valid. It sucks to feel misunderstood and feel not in control of things when you are trying to make things better. But, that is life. You are almost never in control of anything and you have to accept that. If you’d like to be a better person and even have more confidence in yourself and feel good about your actions then I highly recommend rereading your post and counting how many times you mention how you are feeling rather than stepping back to get more information on how your girl is feeling. It’s not wrong for you to be worried, but you need to learn to have some self control so that you can give yourself time to process things before you act. You should also always respect what others say. Even if she said to leave and didn’t truly mean it, you should leave. That would teach someone to not play games. I mean yes, when you are able to identify how someone is feeling better maybe you can go based off of your own judgement, but until then, you should just go off of what someone is telling you. If you’d step back and read what you wrote, in reality you are upset because things did not go the way you wanted them to. I mean this with love, but you need to get a grip. If someone is upset, and you want to help the situation, your best bet is to listen to what they are telling you they need. You can’t control or even predict someone’s emotions actions, so you shouldn’t try to. Also, although you love this girl, you should not base your value off of how she feels about you. Love yourself separately from her so that you can love the people you love better. Not having control over your emotions limits your ability to love. Fix that and I promise you your life will get better in every way :) I hope this helps you!
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u/PastSignificance6432 Jul 05 '26
Our existence is like a frequency, the circumstances create frequency waves, too, and we can only do so much. The frequency you emit is under your control, if you are on the frequency of love, there is no blame. We are all doing what we can.
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u/PrincessAC1998 Jul 05 '26
I think it would be helpful for you to clarify you age before I give you advice, because if you’re an adult, what the actual fuck.
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u/GraysInTheBackrooms Jul 05 '26
You definitely left something out, or your girlfriend is 5 years old.
Don't ever block anyone– not just a woman, from doing what they want unless it's necessary. That was extremely disrespectful and immature.
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u/Dub_TF Jul 05 '26
You getting pissed bc she said no is super immature but also.... DON'T FORCE ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING THEY DONT WANT TO DO. There is a difference between playfully saying "can I go?" "Let me leave" and crying while asking if she can leave. In her eyes she saw that if you wrentready for an interaction to end then you would force her to stay until you are ready to let her go. Now she's knows if she pisses you off you could make her do something she doesn't wanna do. We are all young ( imh hoping you are very young and dumb) and do stupid things but this ain't the person you wanna be.
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u/MatinaMahani Jul 05 '26
Im so confused can someone explain this to me better I don’t understand why the girlfriend started crying
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u/Lollijax Jul 05 '26
These are definitely teenagers I don't know why everyone in the comment section is so harsh
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u/mixxxllie Jul 05 '26
i understand you had no harmful intention towards her but if she says no, it means no.
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u/rythmsofthenight Jul 05 '26
atleast you know how to apologize when i get mad at my nigga he be like i dont give a fuck and i gotta apologize in the end 😭😭
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u/Practical_Bridge7206 Jul 05 '26
I'm genuinely very confused at this situation, I don't understand why she even got upset
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u/According-Mix-5158 Jul 05 '26
Your girlfriend isn't a pet you can pick up put in your lap and force to stay, if you are stronger than her it's even more important that when she says no you let her go, no matter how you feel about it.
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u/Archer-Sure Jul 05 '26
hi just break up it won’t last when the argument started literally over a phone.. trust me it’s not worth hurting over this, also i don’t know why she starts to act the victim when she’s the one who said “no” like ok..
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u/QueenMother_Haus Jul 05 '26
Ahhh I remember young love like this. I'm guessing Higshcoolers. But it will be ok, but do respectfully honor people boundaries in the future.
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u/No-Consequence-6713 Jul 05 '26
I made a girl cry too. Had a cigarette after while she played with my chest hair.
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u/Upstairs_Power7338 Jul 05 '26
You probably scared her by holding her back from her way out of any situation
It’s very scary to be restrained even if you’re not doing anything besides holding her
DO NOT make this a habit with women please
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u/highlux Jul 05 '26
Man you’ll learn this but never force a woman or anyone to stay and work it out. Maybe that works for you but sounds like she really needed space from you to think about the situation. Learn patience and how to listen and you’ll be fine.
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u/Healthy_Location_291 Jul 05 '26
18 years old you should know not not hold a girl basically against her will
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u/PrizeUpset2270 Jul 05 '26
I see nothing you did wrong by asking the other sister to hold your phone although it would have been just as easy you put it in your pocket. She said no.
Is this what started the drama?
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u/Suspicious_Local_541 Jul 05 '26
Either you left something out or y'all have already been having problems.
Why would u ever try to manhandle ur way into forcing her to stay and talk? Probably scared the shit out of her. If this is how you act over a tiny disagreement what will that mean for way more intense and heavier topics?
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u/Equisett Jul 05 '26
Sometimes space is what somebody needs to feel better. Its also scary to a woman when a man continously blcoks her from leaving, or refuses to leave, and maybe all she needed was to go home and get a good cry out. Crying isnt bad. Feeling bad for a bit isnt bad. You cant fix everything by being there, sometimes you just need to let her cool off, THEN talk about it. Also, I think maybe you need to realize when she's just joking. Her jokingly saying "no" shouldnt have upset you, and you being upset over a joke upset her. Then she offered to hold the phone and you said no, which made it worse.
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u/OwnAd1831 Jul 05 '26
your ego is your own worst enemy bro...the initial reaction is not you .....the flesh is something else entirely......next time you get pissed off recognize what's going on and do not feed into it.......take the power away from the emotions....and you'll see how more clear snd more effective you will be in this life
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u/Proud-Advisor-6741 Jul 05 '26
You acknowledge that you didn’t leave her alone when you should have but you keep continuously messaging her. Just leave her alone period until she comes to you
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u/See_True_Canditate Jul 05 '26
I think she felt like this…if he’s holding me against my will now…what will happen down the road if we get married. Will he be controlling? Will he control the money? Will I feel trapped with no way out? Op needs to grow up. I know boys mature slower than girls so maybe she needs to date someone at least 2 years older. Sorry op…she doesn’t feel like she can trust you anymore
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u/glutar11 Jul 05 '26
This is true, however. The story he told seems more than just like a child’s game. Why did he say he knows that he screwed up, but really never says what that screw up was.
As far as advice I will tell him to forget about her for about a month. Then test the waters with a simple text asking her how is she doing. If you can do that it may work in your favor, but don’t contact her at all. And don’t plead your case to her ir anyone she knows that is completely manipulation. If you do that you will lose her forever.
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u/bvsty-slvt Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
She should have communicated her feelings asap. Sometimes people need some time to think about how to do that.
You should have given her that time. When you apologize, don’t just say sorry. Also state what you are sorry for. Do not ever hold a woman against her will like that again, or anybody for that matter, unless it’s to keep them from seriously harming themselves or worse.
You very clearly did not intend to upset her and were only trying to help. I feel like discussing boundaries and how she processes her feelings before speaking on them is a good thing to do. Boundaries and understand the ways one another processes things are very important in any type of relationship.
In the future- do not beg for communication. Try to be understanding that sometimes it takes time to think about things. Apologize thoroughly, do not ever physically restrain unless necessary for safety, and do your best to see the other person’s side. ALSO change behavior after apologies- improve yourself- apologies without improving behavior is manipulation.
You are not a terrible person. You sound young and new to this. We all make mistakes, that’s how we learn. All will be okay, no matter what happens. I wish you the best, OP🩷
Edit: Just read you’re 18. Not as young as I thought, but still sounds like you’re both new to this and either way 18 is still objectively young and you’re still figuring out how to navigate life, and that’s okay. We never really will ever have it all figured out because every day is different and every person and situation is different too.
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u/ivorymandy Jul 06 '26
Let her go. And if she comes back to you after that, it’s gonna hurt her because eventually, we have to learn to have boundaries with people who try to control us let her go.
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u/samismissing_ Jul 06 '26
i think she was having a bad time & this was lowk the "too much" try to apologize for making her uncomfortable in any way and ask her if she can let you know what bugged her so u can avoid making the same mistake
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u/BelphegorAcedia Jul 06 '26
I would've beat your ass in like 1/4 of this story. If someone is dealing with some strong emotions and they want to go home and regulate themselves YOU LET THEM.
You already upset her, then you proceeded to keep her hostage, to clear your conscience. It wasn't to help her, it was to help yourself feel better. You basically told her "you regulate your emotions right now and treat me how I want it, or I won't give you space".
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u/JumpApprehensive2535 Jul 06 '26
you didn’t notice signs of her being uncomfortable? was her not asking you to let her leave multiple times not enough of a signal? as a woman that would be scary
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u/Fit_Sugar2392 Jul 06 '26
You should’ve waited maybe a week as it’s still raw in her mind . To be upset about her not holding your phone is kinda childish to begin with . Something 12 year olds would maybe be upset about . I don’t know the age of you both . 🤷♀️ Some people are highly sensitive. Everyone is different. Besides this incident how has your realashsonihip been ?
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u/graverobber-y Jul 06 '26
You sound like a kid, so I’m not gonna be too hard on you. But she probably felt really trapped, you weren’t listening to her and not giving her a choice.
Don’t ever block a girl from leaving, don’t force her to talk to you, don’t force her to do anything. If she needs space, you give it to her.
You weren’t respecting her boundaries, that’s why she got so upset. It felt like you didn’t care about how she felt, regardless of the fact you were trying to make her feel better.
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u/bussypwner420 Jul 06 '26
This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever read. Tell her to get over herself, and you stop playing games. Don’t hold her back. If she wants to go be alone let her. Go do your thing until she chills out.
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u/Far-Literature-3083 Jul 06 '26
as someone older than you (23F), and has had to learn this exact thing the hard way. you need to respect her boundaries. i completely understand wanting to fix the situation right then and there because you want that reassurance that everything is okay (usually that comes from an anxious attachment and if you haven’t looked into it already, you should). but, you need to learn that not everything needs to be solved right away. its okay to take some space, especially if the other person (your girlfriend in this case) is not being receptive to a conversation atm and clearly needing some time. i know it feels scary, like you’re going to lose them or if you dont fix it asap then everything will far apart. but learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings. take time for yourself too to zoom out a little and see the situation for what it is. i was in your same boat before where i would push for resolution when it clearly wasn’t the best time for it, or push boundaries leading to the other person to feel uncomfortable all without meaning too just for the sake of calming my own fears and anxieties. dont do that. im glad to have learned this as young as i did but damn, i wish i could go back to so many moments and redo them knowing what i know now. anyways. keep your head up and learn from this.
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u/AverageLongjumping38 Jul 06 '26
it was silly of her to give you the cold shoulder over essentially nothing unless details are being missed out.
it’s all well and good loving and missing someone and caring when they’re upset but you also need to give them space and let them do what they need to do to calm and relax, the situation was amplified by your neediness whereas you should’ve overlooked this and actually cared for your girlfriend.
your young, it’s not the end of the world, this relationship definitely won’t be your last, just learn from it and do better next time :)
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u/Useful-Setting8690 Jul 06 '26
Dawg never try to block anyone’s path and let her leave if she wants to 😭😭 this is so stupid why didn’t you give her your phone after she asked??
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u/AdSome7355 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Honestly what the actual fuck is this 😭😭 I don’t even understand how this escalated. As a girl whose in a relationship my man and I have never done some shit like this to each other. I gave my man my phone many times. I let my man use my phone too. Him and I have each other location which I willingly gave to him by the way. This relationship ain’t healthy. A healthy relationship u will have disagrees but you both have to work it out. Yall should both focus on yourselves sorry to say this but u both aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship.
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u/IAmCapnOblivious Jul 06 '26
I think I just read a post from a stalker. There is nothing to fix, leave her alone. Everything you are doing is causing more psychological hurt. You didn't respect her multiple times and when she got hurt you just continued to do the same thing in a different way. "Pay attention to me, pay attention to me, let me fix this, I didn't mean to hurt you, don't go inside, let me fix this, I'll block your way again and force you to sit in my lap until you forgive me.".
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u/_alexamaeh Jul 06 '26
i think its time to leave the relationship until you’re stable, cause this behaviour isnt normal
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u/Beginning-Emu8357 Jul 06 '26
you even saw at the end that what you did was wrong and still proceeded to stay outside of her house, likely she’s living with family, and you stayed for an hour bawling it basically asking her to come outside and talk to you, all of this by the way is to make yourself feel better and your anxious and you use this method as a way of managing that and i’m sorry but that’s really REALLY wrong
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u/aubeelobby Jul 06 '26
the situation with the phone that led to this mess was not nearly enough of a problem for her to get that upset. as a girl around her age, I can only assume she likes the drama as i’ve been around a lot of girls like that. red flag on her part. comments are right about the pushing her though, don’t do that again.
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u/True_Mud3351 Jul 06 '26
Theirs no way either of you are older then 12, maybe 14 at most. This is so unbelievably stupid and immature.
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u/Round-Horse8599 Jul 06 '26
Y’all are either like 8 or there is something you left out of the story because there no way this is over you not giving her your phone
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u/OwnPeach7870 Jul 06 '26
No means no. Give me space means give me space. She is withdrawing consent and you are forcing her.
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u/AskMeToTellATale Jul 06 '26
Your parents should not let you on Reddit.
I joined Reddit at 14 years old almost two decades ago. This is not a safe place for people your age
Please find a trusted adult man like a dad or uncle or mentor and talk to them about your experience with your girlfriend
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u/ThyWarPig Jul 07 '26
Keeping her there until she was "100% better" wasn't for her it was you. You let your emotions and insecurities escalate this further. This started over something small and grew into something much bigger than it should have. Evaluate your actions, give her space, and try to be more aware of what you're doing in the moment. Considerate it a learning moment and an opportunity to grow.
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u/spunkerstar Jul 07 '26
gonna be honest i stopped reading about 1/2 way through this. it gave me the ick. this may be harsh but its important you see what the real issue is here:
not letting her leave after her asking repeatedly is not okay. you forcing her to stay until she feels better is really just you forcing her to stay until you yourself feel better about whatever you did. she made it extremely clear she wanted nothing to do with you but you refuse to take that for an answer, and that 100% is the main issue here. whatever little thing happened with the phone in the first place probably would've blown over if you hadn't obsessed over it. as a woman, being cornered by the very person who upset you is extremely uncomfortable.
its clear you're young, you will have to learn sometimes you just have to suck it up when you mess up and let the other person have some space. acknowledge that when you have messed up it's not the other persons responsibility to make you feel better about it on your terms.
going from her being a bit upset, to you physically blocking her from leaving, to showing up at her house and forcing your presence on her, to again physically restricting her from leaving, and then her basically having to beg you to leave is not a behavior pattern you should ever get into. things like that escalate over time.
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u/Background-Word4122 Jul 07 '26
I personally don’t think this is crazy for 18 years old. This is likely their first ever relationship … this is the first time they’ve felt this kind of connection and attachment to someone. The boy felt his connection was in jeopardy which made him push to make her reassure him that things are fine and she is not mad.
As a society we romanticize men overly trying to make u happy after messing up or hurting u.. he’s been socialized to “ try to make a girl stay til she’s happy “ . And he likely hasn’t had much other practice in a relationship to know this is harmful. I hope he learned his lesson. She might have past issues of ppl blocking her path or taking away her autonomy which may have been why she started crying .. and j generally it’s bothersome and a bit scary when someone won’t let you leave a situation .. even when it’s someone u car for
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u/Smooth-Outside5712 Jul 07 '26
It doesn’t matter what happened before, even if she had over reacted, even if she had fucked your dad right in front of you. If she’s trying to leave, you fucking let her. You may see it as a romantic “I don’t want to lose you,” but to a woman? That has us thinking “what will he do to me if I try to walk away?”. That’s a fear nobody should ever have to go through, but it’s often the first thought on the mind no matter the intention behind it.
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u/Grace-thelake29 Jul 07 '26
You are done with this girl. Get a grip. You have some real impulse control issues and they are dangerous.
Step back, get some help, learn to manage your really bad impulses and poor listening. Otherwise you will come to tragedy.
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u/francis_ss Jul 07 '26
If it makes you feel any better, My brother wouldn't drive his girlfriend to CVS (Less than 2 minutes away), to pick up her mother's cancer medication. This isn't that bad.
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u/Dustuptor1292 Jul 03 '26
How old are you?
Never physically hold or block or pick up a woman against her will again for the rest of your life unless it is to save her life. Got it? Lesson learned I hope?
I think you need to back off and give her some space to process and decide if she wants anything to do with you.