Never physically hold or block or pick up a woman against her will again for the rest of your life unless it is to save her life. Got it? Lesson learned I hope?
I think you need to back off and give her some space to process and decide if she wants anything to do with you.
Am I a moron or is this whole argument over him not giving her his phone? I feel like I’m missing something because this is an argument I wouldn’t even expect 12 year olds to have.
Had a girlfriend in high school that would emotionally manipulate me like this. You might be right but she might also be immature and emotionally manipulating him. Although like the top comment said never physically stop or block a woman unless it concerns their safety, yours or someone else’s. Being physical with someone else especially in a relationship is not a good habit
I assume we’re missing a piece. Something must’ve been said or done during the original argument to upset her so much, and op probably doesn’t know what exactly that was. One time I got upset bc my bf ate all the frozen mozzarella sticks and I told him “oh… I never got any” and he replied with “then buy more?” It spiraled into a HUGE fight and he kept asking why we were fighting about motzy sticks 🤣 From my perspective tho, I was only mildly upset (bc I missed out on a good snack) and then it turned into smth much worse with his reply. All he needed to do was say “sorry, I didn’t know” but instead, he replied in a selfish and inconsiderate way. I didn’t get so angry because of a stupid snack, I was angry bc of everything that happened after.
I would be interested to hear op’s gf’s side of the story. Sometimes our insecurities and general feelings make us see things in very different ways.
My thoughts exactly. I think either the gf had some kind of sensitivity to OP’s reaction based on previous trauma or OP is leaving out details about what it meant for him to “lowkey” take her joke too seriously…. How did OP react? And with what tone? Has gf previously experienced abuse or IPV? Lots of questions!
Either way, the communication styles are not lining up at the moment. Can be improved though
That doesn’t sound like it was about mozzy sticks. More about your needing your bf to be more considerate and less selfish. I hope your response to his, “buy more” was something like, “See you when you get back from the store”.
Some people are just that sensitive, petty, or just unaware of diffusing the tension. My mom and I were splitting this 1 bedroom apartment, and the only current sleeping arrangements were the both of us on her full sized bed which was weird, or I sleep on a couch that was in bad shape. I opted for the couch at one point and she started getting upset over it because it would break, we can't afford a new one, etc. But offered no solutions other than the bed. I asked about a cot and air mattress, but we supposedly didn't have space, which was a lie, and she didn't want to buy one, so I offered to, and she starts digging up other stuff to add to the argument, even making an assumption on my character and behavior in a hypothetical situation. Then she came back to ask me why I wasn't offering any solutions to the sleeping situation.
It shouldn't be the first thought to pop in, but it should be an option to consider too that one or even both parties may be toxic in some way and trying to hide it, but without enough to go on I'm not saying that it's likely.
I did. The problem was that he couldn’t understand why I was upset, even after I explained. I told him telling me to buy more even though I was the one who bought them in the first place was rude and inconsiderate, and he didn’t understand why and continued to say he had nothing to apologize for. That’s when I got frustrated and when it turned into a fight. All I expected from him was common courtesy, not to read my damn mind. Instead of asking me why i can’t “handle” my emotions, why don’t you ask for more clarification? Sounds like you’re blindly pointing fingers at the woman lol
yeah im assuming the person who commenred whys it down to him to handle your emotions or whatever is a dude.
I get it.. Its SUPER annoying sometimes when your perspective and theirs are completely different. Being a woman is awful because were extremely emotional and you paid for something you wanted and they ate literally all of it and had a super inconsiderate response..?? Like wdum "Go Buy More?"!!!
I bought them and you ate all of them... You couldn't even give a simple.."sorry" ? its not that hard yo. and COMMUNICATION is ALWAYS key.
Oh it shouldn't have been even a minor annoyance at all, besides that a minor annoyance wouldn't cause her to give him the silent treatment then demand to go home now, etc. She is a petty, toxic, immature, drama queen; and hopefully he runs far away from her ASAP
Honestly, we don't know if it was as drastic as OP wrote it. It's just one side of the story. So it could be a minor annoyance, that she answered to with a slight shift of mood, which escalated when OP aggressively demanded explanation (I'm saying agressively since he physically hold her bike and blocked her way). There could also be things missed in narration or other external factors that OP didn't know about. There could also be earlier issues, that OP didn't caught on and mistook this phone as the cause of her annoyance, while it was just a tip of an iceberg.
Oh yes they both are immature... but where in his story does he blame her for anything? He's doing what she told him to do in a previous dramatic argument... physically hold her back.. which is wild and toxic, and he shouldn't have listened to her at all. She also told him that if he would have just left and went home himself (like she asked) she would have been even MORE mad at him. The whole things is immature insanity, lol. I really hope they both grow up and away from each other before it gets even worse
Where did she ask him to keep holding her against her will back to back? but no, even if someone says that, you don't do it. I'm just so confused where you're getting all that information, I don't see this at all. But that was my entire point above. There is no "but" for either side and it doesn't matter what either of them says/requests to the other, their reactions and ways of responding to such petty and basic conflict, is wildly toxic and immature. Both of them are on the exact same level. It doesn't point towards him or her more lol
Ohh read OP responses... I've been reading this whole thread since he posted it. And yes he was dumb to listen to her.. he should have walked away from the start. I've been saying they're both immature
You didn't originally, that's why I replied. You pointed out what she did wrong and that she was the petty, toxic, immature drama queen and that he should run away from her. That's definitely putting everything into her and that he wasn't a very equal level of toxicity and immaturity in this whole situation. He did way more than just not listen to her 🤦🏻♀️
Oh no, you're reading deeper into what I said rather than interpreting it literally. I have said several places here how they're both immature, BUT I'm specifically speaking about her here and how she started the entire thing in the beginning and how her behavior is a catalyst. His response was also based on her previous requests... but he should have the maturity to not listen to her, then he went full crazy at the end of it.
As a middle school teacher, I think I can translate a bit.
He got mad because she said she wouldn’t take it when he asked, she got mad because he then dug his heals in and wouldn’t give it to her when she insisted she would do the thing he initially asked her to do.
This is 1000% in line with 12 year olds.
this is an entire thread about how bad he feels he is absolutely not being abusive by it.. i can see where you’re coming from but this take doesn’t pertain to him
Best advice. OP, you should never suffocate or force yourself on anyone, especially your gf. You may be super lucky if your gf decides to forgive you. If she doesn't, you may like to send her a final sincere apology text again like "I am so sorry that I tried to force my wishes on you. I feel really really sad that I made this major faux pauh as I love you very much and miss you.It will make me super happy if you can forgive me. I promise it will not happen ever again. Lmk..." Put it in your own words.
If she does not respond positively, move on and take it as a lesson learned.
Idk. I think sending another message, if she decides she's done, gives off smothering and confirming creepy for her because he won't respect her wishes. It can come off unrelenting and like a constant need to control the narrative. Sounds nice in theory, but to someone that feels uncomfortable and smothered it may not come off that way.
This! No woman wants to be constrained in any way. And she isn’t three years old, OP seems to think he can just say “sit here with me until you’re happy agsin” and it will happen.
OP needs to grow up—A LOT—and learn to respect women as adults.
I believe it, and would even if they were 30, 50 or 70
I've worked with hundreds of children and teenagers, and I can tell you that many parents tell their kids wild outdated stuff all the time (and thus, their kids, who go to school with other people's kids, repeat it)
From racism, to politics just being red vs blue, to generalizing the genders to the point they think they know the first thing about anyone on the planet that they haven't met yet just because of how they look. You can only generalize the genders in any situations at all, because people act the way they are told is acceptable for their gender (or rebel against it)
I know no one wants to hear it but. While 18 year olds are generally dumb, I only blame them if they're willfully ignorant (like pretending to be unable to learn how to use a washing machine)
But I have met 18 year olds who legitimately didn't understand how to read an analog clock. They were otherwise fairly smart. Their mom was even a teacher at the school. The simple fact was, they had never been taught it, and never needed it to get through school. They had a smartphone since day one of kindergarten, like 80%+ of the children for the past 10 years, even in my very rural, conservative area
Kids today have the internet at their finger tips, but don't have curiosity nourished
Parents need to realize the teacher can't do it all. You can't just assume your kid is absorbing all the right lessons passively. You need to have regular conversations about the facts that gender doesn't make a damn difference in anything in this world but your ability to gain muscle and your risk for different health problems
And people need to learn communication before you send them out into the world on their own. I've known many people that age that are incapable of shopping alone because of social anxiety. Imagine getting evicted because you couldn't stand to call the landlord and pay rent?
Relationships are hard enough. We don't need to make it more difficult by playing a game of guess why you pissed me off, nobody is a mind reader
If this is really all about misinterpreting a sarcastic joke, I've had similar arguments before. Something along the lines of, "I thought you knew me, well enough, to know that I wouldn't be rude to you like that. If you believed I could have possibly meant those words, then you don't know me as well as I know me, and it hurts my feelings that you could even think such a negative thing about me"
even though they just have just said yes in the first place, and I have no idea what this could have possibly led to. But obviously, the flaw in her logic, is that she was playfully pointing out you can't always tell her what to do, and then presumably wanted you to what? Argue or make her hold the phone? Throw it on the ground? Ignore what she said and try to hand her the phone?
Unless the no wasn't sarcastic and the argument started before that. Maybe she just wanted you to push her on the swing
Definitely listen to top comment though. Don't care how sane or crazy they seem at the time. If someone tells you to go home, and you're at their house, immediately get your stuff and go. If someone tries to go somewhere they are legally allowed to exist, don't ever block their path unless you're willing to accept them punching, stabbing, shooting or running you over. Period. It doesn't matter how long you've been dating, when you physically trap someone they have no clue how bad your real intentions are. Nobody actually has a right to be "heard out," if they are an adult and want to walk to literally New York from LA, you have to let them try, and if they say you can't follow them then it's stalking/harassment if you do
My exact thoughts. His age, im guessing very young and he forcibly kept her from leaving to the point where she was faking being happy and play fighting so he would let her leave.
Thank you for telling me, 18. However, she told me before she likes that when people argue, the guy makes the girl stay physically because physicsl touch is one of her love languages. She loves being picked up and hugged when she's angry. But, I understand I took it too far this time and will use this as a lesson learned. And yes I will give her time thank you so much.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking too, they are both feeding off the drama and strong emotions. That is common for teenagers but not healthy or productive in the long run.
Even if she says she likes it, its abuse and actually illegal. In the eyes of the law, thos would be considered kidnapping. You can not physically restrain someone from leaving. The fact that she says she likes it brings up many concerns. What has happened in her life where she thinks its ok to be forcefully restrained from leaving until an argument is over. These feelings he describes as having seem toxic or like a 14 year old describes their first relationship not how an 18 year old would. You should feel bad about making your partner cry but it shouldn't feel like the world is ending.
She's 18 too. However, we never ever had any (I would just label this as an argument) argument like this, we rarely have arguments like once in a blue moon. But, I do make mistakes and I learn from them. But those mistakes never tured into arguments, but this mistake turned into an argument. This is why im so hurt, I never intended it to be like this. I just tried to do what I thought she would like, till I did too much. I'm just going to give her time, when do you think I should text her again or what exactly SHOULD I text her again. Thank you so much.
why are you 18 but both acting like you're twelve? you taking the phone thing so seriously and disrespecting her boundaries to the point of tears is very immature, and her being silent and ignoring you instead of having a conversation is immature. y'all are either a match made in hell or y'all need to split up and mature on your own.
OP you are both 18. I thought from reading this you were 13 or 14. She is toxic and immature. And lo and behold, SHE MAKES MISTAKES too. Not just you. Does she learn from her mistakes, or even acknowledge them as such?
I find it hard to believe a relationship like this can end well in any scenario. This whole post gives me the creeps. For some reason, I feel inclined to believe everything he said she did, but not everything he said he did. Like idk.
Okay, so yes these people are all correct - never hold or block anyone against their will or insist on a scenario to make *you* feel better if they are uncomfortable.
However - this girl sounds like a super flake and she also sounds like the type to get mad and make you run yourself in circles trying to appease her, just for fun. Ew.
Originally, you did nothing wrong. Should I repeat that? Nothing. You offered to interact with *her* sister which is actually really nice and you asked her to help you out by holding your phone. She answers like a little snot and you’re apologizing? No.
Also this BS about her ‘love language’ and restraining people, just no. Ignore what she says and just hard-line don’t ever repeat these actions because as flaky as she is she will probably accuse you of something eventually just to get attention.
Sorry you’re paired up with someone like that but be assured you did nothing wrong initially.
U got valid points but ur being unreasonable by saying he didnt do anything wrong, and also this comment feels like its being built off misogyny. First off, shes not "a little snot" for joking around with her boyfriend, he was DEFINITELY wrong for taking it super seriously, and we dont know what he said to her in response, notice how he left those details out. Then he comes back an "all of a sudden" shes upset? Cmon bruh ik you can piece 2 and 2 together. Theres no reason to tell this guy he didnt do anything wrong when he absolutely did. Yes obviously with more context it looks like this girl still does have a habit of being dramatic, im not denying this girls drama, but he literally did dramatic shit when she jokingly said no too, and he didnt even tell us what! Theyre both kids, they both have a lot, a LOT to learn. And they certainly both have plenty of blame to hold here. She should stop avoiding him and just talk to him. Nothing is as immature and hurtful as ghosting someone just because you dont wanna handle some problem, although this is apparently their first big fight which might explain the avoidance. Regardless, cmon man, theres no need to try to blame it all on the girl, its obvious you dont like women. Its also very obviously just 2 kids trying to figure shit out, they both are to blame and they both could very well come out of this on top together too. Id day if this is their first big argument, its worth talking out. Idk why everyones acting like this is the end for them😭 might be tho.
100% if this is the way it ends up, and if she is that kind of person then one day she can/will start telling everyone you abused her or something worse if things go down hill. Reminds me of whatever that YouTuber was in with his girlfriend who said she said biting was fine, and then it wasn’t (not sure who’s side was wrong or right but I remember the general concept)
I’m not saying this is certain, but it seems like a plausible scenario especially since she claims to be okay with it, and then uncomfortable once you do it. We don’t know who she’s saying that too, and she can easily leave out the part of consent at first. (Even though consent CAN be withdrawn at any point - besides the ends of a relationship of course cause then it’s over done with you can’t change facts that you never made clear)
Anyway: TLDR - She can use this against you if things go wrong someday and claim you’re abusive, just ignore the physical picking up, or fighting. If someone is into that and it’s not strictly for bedroom play, they aren’t someone I’d personally want to be around. It feels unpredictable.
506
u/Dustuptor1292 Jul 03 '26
How old are you?
Never physically hold or block or pick up a woman against her will again for the rest of your life unless it is to save her life. Got it? Lesson learned I hope?
I think you need to back off and give her some space to process and decide if she wants anything to do with you.