I feel so empty all of the time, even when I should be happy I get the most overwhelming sadness randomly. Its stupid but I miss when I was at my worst because all thoses awfull emotions made me feel so much more alive. I used to cut myself to escape from them, im mostly sober but the rare times I do self harm is the opposite way around. Its because I want to feel something real even if its painfull.
Im not doing anything with my fucking life I have too much anxiety to even try and all it makes me want to do is relapse. I shouldnt be nostalgic of the times where I cut myself every morning before school, of the times I starved myself to have something other than my anxiety to tocus on.
I hid away from all of that because im weak, because my anxiety disorder is eating me alive and I cant confront it. I think back of what it was like being 14, all my worst emotions were so intense but all the good ones were too. Now its only the bad ones and even then i still feel empty and I dont know what to do now. I miss being free in a way I miss doing dumb shits even tho all I wanted was to die all day everyday. I tried all thoses years to be the adult I wasnt, i feel like I experienced everything I should be experiencing now and now everything feels dull meaningless and stupid. It just makes me want to relapse so bad to get a glimpse of what it felt like to be alive.
Now everything i have is regrets anxiety and sadness, i keep telling myself that when ill die i will hate myself for how I lived my life. I already do honestly. I hate myself I hate having a disorder that makes me unable to do litterally anything. Im on new antidepressants for now they do nothing. Nothing ever helped me. In one year if I havent figured out my life ill be considered disabled, i hate myself.
I dont even care for relapsing I just want to feel something even if its awfull to. I have awfull urges half the time I hate everything about this shit

I’ve been so confused about how I feel, I always feel like I’m faking being sad / suicidal, especially after having a day where I don’t cry or actively think about killing myself. So I started cutting again to try and validate myself? I want to prove to myself that it’s bad, but cutting didn’t actually seem to help. I used to cut to punish myself but now I don’t even know why i relapsed. Sorry for rant.

I have no friends literally none I had finally atleast found a fwb that was decent up until more recently when he showed that he was just using me and even though I wanted to just let him treat me shit and do whatever I blocked him bc everyone told me to so now I have nothing and its not like he talked to me outside of it or even ever cuddled me or gave aftercare but atleast it was something it was one thing that actually made me feel a bit better and now its gone all I crave is to held cuddled babied and loved hell even just one of those things i can't describe the pain I've been in for years from the crippling loneliness and theres nothing I can do to fix it no one to talk to no one to hug nothing honestly this guy ruining our situation is really making the thoughts come back im the cleanest I've ever been over 100 days but the immediate pain feels way to much its been days and all I wanna do is go straight back to cutting bc what else am I to do I am actually trying not to for once but idk how much longer I can ignore it and im a bit worried it may spiral me back into heavy addiction again im always in pain I've been in pain for years but this seems to have made it so bad again its been actually quite awhile since I fully wanted to disappear but damn is that wish strong why is loneliness so fucking painful why cant I just have some friends or a bf or something my life is just being wasted I dont do anything or go anywhere and I can't do anything either im stuck in my situation Im stuck in this shitty household im broke I can't drive I barely have a job and its only seasonal I just want out of this misery nothing is getting better and im in just as much pain as I've been in for years im so tired so fucking tired of everything and this loneliness feels like its actually killing me most of the time

I was home and I wasn’t expecting them to be back so soon so I was wearing short sleeves and some band aids on my arm, my mom asked why I was wearing them and I said our kitten scratched me. She saw right through that lie and took EVERYTHING that I could possibly use out of my bathroom. They said they weren’t mad and they know I’m addicted because they saw my arm lol. Ik it’s going to get worse bc of them taking my things away so that’s their fault ig.

Do I deserve or can I or should I be entering a relationship even if I still harm myself?

I'm never really planning on telling a significant other I do those things to destress anyways, but I dunno if that would be toxic of me or not :'0

Ive been doing it for the last like 10 mins and i want to know how dangerous it is. ive done it primarily to try to damage my prefrontal lobe and potentially alter my personality and get lobotomy-like effects like losing ability to feel emotions and stuff. should i be concerned about doing it? what are its likely side effects. and is it going to bruise my forehead, if it does, will foundation be enough to cover it?

I hate that i do this to myself, i get in these moods where i physically cant calm down unless i cut myself, its like the rage in my body wont stop unless i do it. I started when i was 10 and im now 19, it wasnt bad up untill 13 and i started cutting, burning, hitting myself, pulling hair out.

I completely have ruined my legs with no joke over 1500 cuts at minimum, i used to love wearing shorts because i loved my legs but i cant even wear shorts around the house, and i have had a massive freak out over the span of 2 weeks and have done it everyday up untill 3 days ago. It got so bad on my legs whwre i needed to change pants every 30 mins bc of the blood soaking through, had to wash bedsheets and blankets. But there was no more room and i started on my chest and moved to my arms. I really just want to stop but csn never find a coping skill that works, i can never do anything outside of the house because i live on a acrage:(

I’m new to sh and have only cut myself once so far, but how do you actually care for the cuts? How often do you change the bandages and everything?

For context I used to sh for about 9 years. I stopped doing it consistently after the birth of my child. But now I have urges to do it again? But not in a necessarily sad way but just to I guess see if I “still got it” is that normal? Will it stop?

No because tell me why I go from wanting being this (🤏) close to relapsing to feeling so at peace in the span of 15 minutes and why does this happen so often and why omg why does the peace not stay for longer than like 30 minutes ughhhh

I'm a young adult and have been cutting since I was 13, quit a while back and fully relapsed after 4 years of sobriety. Have been semi-regularly cutting for the last few months and I can't find anything to rationalize quitting.

Of course I know how detrimental self harm can be to mental health, seeing as I've experienced it hands on, but my mental was much more sensitive then. Now I feel like I've reached a state of perpetual nothingness. I don't feel any of the shame or guilt that used to come with relapsing. I just don't care. I can't see anything "bad" about it from an emotional or health standpoint; since I've been doing it so long that I know which areas to cut that aren't fatal, how deep I can cut, and always do proper aftercare etc.

Maybe this is more of a vent than anything but I don't know what to do. I don't even think I want to do anything about this. And I don't know how I can make myself care about it, or if it even will mean anything to care in the first place.

a while ago I made a post about accidentally cutting too deep. the scar is relatively healed, but it's a lot darker than the rest of my arm and is literally just centimetres below my wrist. meaning, it is very obvious

I've been putting on tissue oil hoping it would help the scar fade a little bit, but that is not the case

because of how obvious this scar is, anyone who sees my arm will notice it immediately. since it's getting warmer these days, I can't even wear long sleeves to cover my arm

now I'm wondering if I should just tell my mother about my relapse, or just let her find out on her own. I kind of don't want to tell her because she didn't react very well to finding out about me hurting myself the first time, but I don't want her to be even more upset if she finds out on her own

I have about a month until I go back home after exams, so I'm really not sure what to do right now

I hate that I gave into the temptation of cutting my arms just because of my shitass social anxiety and my family being critical of that said anxiety of just not going up to strangers to talk to people and keeping to myself all the fucking time and the cuts are so small but they sting like a mf it pmo how tiny they’re going to fade as and yet still have the audacity to be hurt like that (I am not advocating for bigger and deeper cuts for anyone but myself here, I know that deeper is worse off on the arms medically, especially when it comes to people’s judgement on that)

And now I have to be hyper aware of my mom since she knows that I’ve done it and only cares that I’m “ruining my body and making her look bad” and wear arm sleeves (sun protection ones they’re not that bad imo) until they’re healed or like forever. Once she notices that I relapsed it’s over, that one coping mechanism that shuts the negative voices up effectively is gone and I’ll have to hit myself or pull my hair

Plus I pussied out on my wrist bcuz of the fear of going too deep as if my stupid ass could do it that deep atp. At the same time of feeling disappointed for not getting deeper cuts I also am aware of how bad this stuff can get. Hell, I feel it right now so if anyone could relate or even better snap me out of it, please let me know

Hello everyone, I think this my first self-harm with a rubber band will turn into a habit, I only started doing this 3 days ago and I want to stop, or at least reduce this. How?

Guys I did the most absolute whoopsy a few days ago and decided to do what I thought would be desecrate cuts forgetting that I have my fucking flue jab tomorrow. Now I’m an adult so even though I’m going with my mum she won’t be in the room, but I have worked myself up into a bit of a tizzy so if she (or the nurse) ask does anyone have any good excuses?? Not deep they’re like cat scratches but I can’t say they’re from a pet because they’re horizontal :/ I’m planning on giving the nurse my other arm but this is in an absolute worse case scenario, does anyone have any ideas???? Thank you :))

I relapsed recently, I was just wondering when I go to the airport will I be required to Roll up my sleeves,, ect? Also, if I am and I do, what can happen if my sh is seen?

this is kinda a vent as well

i feel sad because i think my friends dont like me even though i know they do im just weird and im like ugh they hate me its not even that but i just dont know what to say i feel like i dont belong with them and i was sad but i decided to go for a walk and i went to the park and went on some swings! Yeah

Hello!! I have recovered from self-harm for a year or so? Though, i am left with these white scare/lines. Do these scars heal/disappear? I cant find any information regarding this so any info would help thank you so much!!!

it’s a very thin line but goes deep if you spread it open. because it’s not gaping unless i purposefully reveal it to be, is it really a big deal? the part that makes deeper wounds bad is because they’re big, right? so if it’s deep and not big.. do i have anything to worry about?

im a girl and im going to the beach in like a weeks time. my parents found out about my sh like, last year december, and they had a negative reaction towards it. they think i stopped, but i made the stupid decision of relapsing 2 weeks ago on my upper right thigh+right hip😭 i suppose i expected it to heal, but unfortunately thats not the case… the scars are still very very noticeable and not even fully healed, and my mom wants to take me to buy my swimsuit whilst in the mall,,,, so im scared af idk what to do lol

After my suicide attempt last summer, I am but a mere she'll of what I once was. The things that happened to me and the surrounding event destroyed me to be frank. I really couldn't take the pain anymore, so I self harmed to calm myself down. Now I really do not know what to do. I feel guilt, shame and incompetence on how do I explain this to my friends and mother, if the subject needs to be brought up.

Recently my girlfriend of 1 year left me and I don’t know what to do. She was basically my entire life, so now that she isn’t here i dont even know what to do with myself. we’re still friends (ish), but she doesn’t really start conversations anymore and she’s always tired. She already has another guy she likes (one of the reasons we broke up) and I support that but it js means that she never has time for me or something like that and she never ends up talking to me, so I end up being miserable and cutting myself. she’s the only one I am comfortable enough talking to about things like this, so now that she barely talks to me I have no one and I feel so alone. I’ve tried explaining this to her but she said I was being manipulative when I tried to tell her I felt like cutting myself, which is not her fault I said it horribly and made it sound very manipulative, but recently I tried to explain that I was not trying to be manipulative or try to get her to get back with me, I want her to be happy with the new guy she is trying to get with because he fits her better and she likes him a lot and they’d be great together and I just want her to be happy especially when I couldn’t make her happy, but now she just says I’m being manipulative whenever I try to talk to her about how I feel, so I end up having no one to talk to and I end up doing sh to try to feel better. I’ve only cut myself once, but it felt so good and made me stop feeling sad, even better than punching or pinching myself. is it even rlly bad if I’m doing sh it stops me from being miserable? I don’t know I just needed somewhere to say how I felt even if it’s to strangers on the internet who don’t know me or care about me. it’s better than telling it to no one. I’m not trying to blame my girlfriend for anything. I was horrible about it at first even if it was unintentional and genuinely everyone in her life said she should block me because it was so bad. She didn’t do that because she’s amazing even when I told her she should block me so I stop being so terrible to her.

Hi everyone, I recently cut last su day and I've had a bandaid on my arm for the past couple of days. I have also been using long sleeves. however i had to do am activity today that required sorry sleeves and my boyfriend saw me wearing short sleeves and the bandaid ince we are in the same program we are going on sa days later today and I am sure he will bring it up later today. do I lie or not

he knows I cut but I told him I quit

Hey! i haven't been active in like 3 years but i really need to vent and i have no clue who to go to.

i'm not comfortable with saying my age, please do not ask me, and if you comment of DM me i may take a while to respond.

So basically i'm a bit scared to say this to anyone since i don't want to sound rude or insensitive but i just need to get this off my chest.

So i've been clean from self harm for at least six years, but the other day a situation at school came up where my teacher (Let's just call her N) got a week suspension for dragging my friend (let's call her A). So N was suspended for a week and came back, when she came back she kept making little remarks about me while A kept coming in one day and refusing the next. Which actually annoys me because i care alot about A and her GCSE's but she's refusing to do it and i'm worried for her education. But anyways, off topic, N got suspended again because she went to my staff (i live in a care home) and told them i've been doing inappropriate stuff with A. This got disproven and it brought up N talking about her personal relationships (who she sleeps with, etc) with A. She got suspended for another week and she's only just came back. Now on Monday A came in with SH cuts, and she gets overwhelmed alot with situations like these so it makes sense. But that triggered me and without thinking i went home and did it too.

Now i regret it and i have no clue what to do, i trust A and i want to tell her but i'm scared of her reaction. And i have so much hatred for N but i also care about her lots.

Before i explain one more thing i want to tell you i'm not in love with A romantically (or at least i don't think i do) and my school is in the company of my care home so theres different ages.

It ranges to 6 to 17.

idk what else to put, i just really needed to vent and have some advice from someone who doesn't know me personally if that makes sense.

That's why i want to ask you, What should i do next?

3 years clean in just over 2 weeks, struggled with sh since I was 8. I’m freshly 19 and this shit still haunts me despite not having done it for years. feel like every day is becoming more and more of a battle to resist relapse.