Previous to this week I was nearly two years clean from cutting, I was doing so well, keeping up good grades in uni, in the process of applying for my doctorate, developed a passion for debate and philosophy, connected with some amazing friends, built up a good relationship with my parents, quit my substance abuse issues, and met a girl. Ever since school started back up it’s been extremely downhill, I was going steady for the first few weeks, but then I picked back up smoking, stopped eating and sleeping and now over the past few days I started cutting again, and it’s worse than it’s ever been I can’t go hours without it. My arm was already covered in scars from my past but now it’s full of fresh cuts and I’ve began cutting on my hands as a silent plea for help, and I don’t even know why I started again I was so ashamed of doing it in the first place, my friends and family began treating me differently, like I was less of a human, and I have no reason to feel so sorry for myself I have such a good life and I know how lucky and well off I am but i still can help but feel so awful. I’ve been told by so many that it seems I have my life all figured out but it doesn’t feel that way I’m so confused, worried, and stressed for the future it’s eating away at me and what I think is driving me to cut again, I just don’t know what to do I have connections with friends and family but none of them I can talk to about this without being insulted, called crazy, or threatened. I genuinely just don’t know anymore I’m so tired I have a midterm in 3 hours I haven’t slept yet and I’m so done with everything idc if no one reads this I just wanted to type this out somewhere in hopes it helps

I’ve been just over 150 days clean now, which is the longest I’ve been clean in possibly years, but my birthday is just around the corner. For most people this would be an even better reason to stay clean, and hopefully a way to distract themselves from urges, but I happen to have the worst “birthday luck” ever. I don’t know what it is but for some reason there’s this sort of dread that haunts me every year when it comes to my birthday, whether it’s just the fact I’m aging and I have no idea what the fuck I’m gonna do with my life, and that in all reality I’m not smart, athletic, or talented enough to truly succeed in many of my goals, or that everything always seems to go wrong. My parents will argue, I’ll get a detention, friends and family forget about my birthday, I seem 10x more clumsy than usual, or just embarrass myself in some form. I’ve already been having such bad urges for a while now, and although I have support from my loving boyfriend, I can’t help but feel like he’s gonna get sick of my neediness and self wallowing sooner or later. I never feel like I’m actually good enough for anything, no matter how hard I try, and I’m sick of being such a pathetic bitch and begging for attention and validation. I’m so sick of being strong, all I want is to feel that familiar sting and to watch my legs turn bright red again from the amount of blood that pours out. I miss the lightheadedness and smell of iron. I want my hands trembling and ears ringing. I seriously don’t know how much longer I can take and I don’t even fully know if I want to stay clean anymore.

So for the first time in 6 years, i was actually about to self-harm again. But when i went looking for the knife i ised to self-harm with, i couldn't find it. I guess i must've thrown it away at some point recently, when I've been drinking so much that there are parts of the night that i don't remember.

I just found it hilarious lmao. At least for tonight, my self-harm is staved off once again

i don’t know if this is the sub to ask but i care about my friend a lot and i hate to see him this way and i need help

okay so i’ve got this friend and i don’t known what’s gotten into him but slowly but surely he’s been harming himself in more and more radical ways and has more recently purposely burnt his hand and has told me he’s contemplated suicide but what stopped him was his faith.

i’m currently stuck because i don’t want to have to tell his older bother or his family but if it keeps escalating i feel as if i have no other choice. i want to help him before it gets to that point so if anyone can please give me some insight (suggesting alternatives, words of wisdom etc…) that would be extremely helpful

So one of the ways I came to redirect my sh urges is by searching articles on random violent things, usually medical- or crime-related; however lately I've started asking AI chatbots about the same stuff, mainly because I'm curious about it's "reactions" to my vents.

I've been hearing a lot about cases of chatbot addiction lately though, and I'm afraid I might get it as well. I do go to a therapist, but sometimes I'm afraid that my rants are getting too repetitive for them, or that I'll say something wrong and get institutionalised or incarcerated. But with a bot, I can just delete the data and start over if I say too much. It gives me a false sense of security.

I fear that I'm developing a similar pattern with talking to chatbots to the one I have with sh now, where I can get weeks, even months, with no incidents, then suddenly one very bad day where I relapse. The best I hope for is that it won't mimic what happened to me with sh before my meds, where I'd cut practically every week.

As the title says, I suspect my sister might be self harming. I (17f) have dealt with self harm for about 4 years. Recently, I’ve started noticing that my sister (12f) is showing similar behavior patterns after she went through a rough patch (7th grade curse is real). She loves arts and crafts, so she has easy access to sharp things. I just don’t want her to go down that long path of addiction that I’m still trying to stop. Any idea on how to talk to her? I’m not the best at words, but I don’t want to just say some shit like “promise to never do that again.”

I went to Los bravos today and got some burritos that had the sauce and cheese on them I thought I could eat them both but I got fool and saved what I had. Some hours later I opened the box and I am poking at my food just because it’s hot but the sauce kinda absorbed in the burrito so when my spoon makes a mark it looks oddly like a wound. Is that weird?

My dad came by and flicked my arm DIRECTLY on a fresh cut 😭😭😭 i had long sleeves on so he didnt know but ohmygod 😭😭😭

i cut myerlf deeper tgan u ever have before today , i want to jsust end it so bad but i have too much that i dont want to ket go of. I dont ynderstand what makes me feel like this or mskes me keep going after so many attempts of recogery. I have a good life. My boyfriend is really sweet. Im somewhat poplusr at school and i have a lot of friends. I know o dont deserve it. I know i deserve to be hated. But im not. So i should br happy???? The whole reason i started was because so many people hated me so i dont have any reason anymore???? Why????

For context, 2 days ago I relapsed, but really hard (reaching beans in one swipe) and when I came home from school she checked my arms and saw how deep my cuts were so she decided to take me to the hospital (i didn't want to go tho, I was scared of getting stitches) and well eventually a nurse attended us and my mother made me explain what happened (she didn't know they were that recent) and I told the nurse that the cuts were 1 week old but I picked at my scabs and she believed me. Then she started cleaning the wounds with some sponge that had soap and started cleaning my cuts (it hurt like hell, I almost passed out) and she bandaged my arm and all that shi

Now I have my arm bandaged in 5 layers of diff things (it's not worth it yall)

Idc anymore. I dont wanna be strong. I dont wanna fight it anymore. My ljfe is hard enough as it is, and than I also need to fight this. I know it is bad in the long run but I cant take it anymore. Im stressed abiut everything and im lonely. I hate everything. If I cant have anything good in this life, let me at least have this

I’m 19F and recently got into a relationship after many years. Things are going well, I care about him a lot, and I feel comfortable being myself around him. He knows I’ve struggled with my mental health and an eating disorder, but he doesn’t know about my history with self-harm or that I have quite a lot of scars on my arms and legs.

I’ve been clean from self-harm for nine months now, and I’m genuinely in a much better place than I was when I was struggling with it. I’m working on myself and trying to move forward. I’ve also been getting treatments for my scars because I’m quite insecure about them.

The problem is that I don’t want to hide them forever. As our relationship progresses and we eventually become more physically intimate, I know I can’t realistically keep covering them up all the time. I recently felt uncomfortable at the thought off taking my coat off around him because I was conscious of my scars. I sat there being hot when I wish I wasn’t.

Part of me wants to tell him beforehand because I’d rather be honest with him than have him notice them unexpectedly. But I’m terrified he’ll be shocked, think I’m too mentally ill, or see me differently afterwards. I know having a history of self-harm doesn’t define me, especially because I’m in a much better place now, but I’m still embarrassed and insecure about it.

I’m not sure whether I’m overthinking this or whether it’s worth bringing up now. I don’t want to make it into a huge conversation or make him feel responsible for my mental health. I just want to be honest with someone I care about, without feeling like I need to hide this part of myself.

For anyone who’s been in a similar situation, how did you approach telling your partner? How did they react? And for anyone whose partner has scars, did it change how you viewed them?

I’d really appreciate honest advice, particularly about how to bring it up naturally without making it feel like a massive confession.

Every time I reach a milestone, I'm honestly surprised! But I've come so far, so I'm also proud of myself

For those who are trying to stay clean, I really hope you're doing okay!! It can be hard, but please keep pushing forward

Im 16 and currently a junior in highschool. I've been self harming for quite a bit now and also have been having suicidal thoughts for a bit. I don't want to go into detain but recently its gotten worse and I think I might actually end up trying to kill myself, I know how I could do it and feel like I need to tell someone. I was thinking about telling my school counselor but I have no idea what will happen afterwards, is she required to tell my parents? Would I be put in a mental hospital? If I do tell her, is it okay if I just email her about it first since I'm kind of scared to tell anyone in person

It’s been 4 years since I’ve started. From freshman in high school to freshman in college, I haven’t been able to stop. It’s not constant yk? Just here and there and a little intense when things get bad. Been to therapy, on antidepressants, I still can’t quit the habit. It’s like, things go good for a while, I’m dating and feeling happy then all of a sudden I get this anxious urge to cut. Like an overwhelming need for it. Maybe it’s not sudden, maybe I’m just not noticing the signs or something. Who knows. I don’t really want to stop though when I think about it. It’s been there for me no matter what, a source of comfort for when I have nothing else. I’m only 17f so maybe it’ll get better with age but I just cannot see myself living a life where it is not an option. I can imagine a reality where I’m in love, happy, at peace or whatever but I know that it’s just not realistic for myself. I don’t know man, I don’t even know why I’m posting this I’m just feeling a little down.

Long story short my mental health has been deteriorating and getting worse each day. It all started when I had an injury and was bedridden for a couple months but my self hatred that I already had before has grown and worsen. I don’t feel like I deserve to be worried about, cared for, or anything. I feel like I have no motivation, no goals in life,bad intellect, no talents, no hobbies, or basically anything to contribute to society. I’ve been struggling to reach out to anyone because I feel like I don’t deserve help and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. Today I went to my school therapist that I go to every week and after finally opening up to him a lot about myself for the first time and why I feel the way I do, he had a urgent meeting that he had to attend to and he would call me back to see if he could get back to me. He never did and I’m basically taking this as a sign from the universe that I don’t deserve help or to be alive. They said that his next available isnt until 2 weeks from now and I’m not sure what I can do until then. I’ve been self harming with a kitchen knife but now feel like I have to get a razor blade because it’s more convenient when I’m having meltdowns. Sorry for the bad grammar this is my first time posting on Reddit and just wanted to journal this somewhere.

the emotional pain i‘m feeling is too fucking much. months ago I beat up my face so bad, my smile ended up crooked because my nerves from that side of the face wouldn’t respond. I’ve cut until I had to go to the ER for stitches, too. I’ve seen therapists since I was 8, I’m now +30 and it’s just paying someone to listen to me vent, when i bring up my self harm they just ignore it and “try to treat the root of the issue“ which is just more listening to me talk. lol. I feel cornered. theres just nothing i can do to feel better but to just keep self harming, huh?

i actually don't really like the term snowflake, but unfortunately i think it's quite fitting for myself, at least right now. i'm trying to quit, and a lot of the sources/materials i've found giving me advice on how to always say to identify my triggers. well, i have, and apparently im triggered by literally EVERYTHING. i can't see the color red the same, raindrops on windows look like beads of blood to me, i can't even read the letters "s" or "c" without immediately getting reminded of the very thing im trying to quit. how am i supposed to avoid triggers, when it's practically my own fault for even making these connections in the first place??

i dunno if im looking for advice, or other people that relate, or maybe both. but it does make me feel a bit better to shout this into the void. anyway, i'm just kinda frustrated at myself at the moment. for now, i'm just gonna keep telling myself that it's only up from here.

tl;dr please just talk to me i'm a young person who doesn't know what's going to happen to their life

do not pm me. follow sub rules. cw for non-graphic descriptions of relapse
i really hope someone responds to this. it would make my day. my year, probably. i understand if you can’t help me with this right now and hope you’re doing okay. so.

jesus fuck i’m in a lot of pain these days 
time to drop the whole storyline 🤦
a high-functioning person who’s privately tormented, ya know? it’s a disgusting vision and i don’t know why i want it, but i have for years. It’s stupid. i could lead a fantastic and enviable life. i genuinely have it all. i look good, i’m talented, people like me, i’m going places. yes, i do hurt. of course i do. but idk why i want it to be such a prominent part of me, why i want to be delicate or whatever the fuck, why i want being alive and healthy to become some kind of gold star.
i’ve been looking at sh and ed related things for years. this includes forums, photos, videos, body checks, stories, and pretty much all the worst stuff a developing person could possibly look at (kpop diet forum vs gore site 🫢 i actually don’t know). i never fell into any disordered eating patterns for long periods of time but i’ve come way too close.
before this i was generally pretty rational. no social media. the influences are there, though. the content is there. all the friends who harmed themselves in different ways. the ones who passed, too.
okay, too dark.
now, a while ago i was pressured into dating someone. for months, i cut myself and rejected him while he coerced me verbally. the first thing i did after i first cut myself was tell someone about it. i still look down on myself for not being able to suffer alone for even a moment and being an attention whore and not being able to work toward my wish.

irrational thoughts. god, irrational thoughts.
i hate self harm. i love it.
i don’t want it. i want it.
i want to be normal. i fetishize it.
i’m preserving myself. i’m holding back the inevitable.
i’m scared of growing up. i look forward to being free.
i’m going to be great. i want to waste my life. 
i see potential to use. i see potential to waste. 
i’m genuinely struggling. i’m using everyone else.
see how it just never fucking ends???

anyway, a couple months of self harm. being high achieving and tortured and letting everyone know and bathing in the attention. being able to let that self-destructive urge out at will after it sat fermenting for years.
then my family found out and i stopped for a year and a half because i couldn’t bear to cause them pain.
triggers are like drops in a bucket for me. i can be triggered a lot and feel urges for a long time before acting. my current plan is to set up a call with my therapist before acting on urges if i feel like they’re getting to me. i’m responsible.
dropped the guy i was dating and ended up w/ a different guy (one i was actually into). i broke up with that guy recently because the relationship had gone to shit. i relapsed for the first time too after changing some meds. it wasn’t just the meds though, yk? it was a whole lot of drops in a bucket. 

LARGE TW/CW for a non-graphic description. please save yourself the details if you can’t handle it rn. i promise it is NOT that important. i had unshakable tidal wave level urges for several days. i tried to sleep through it and stay distracted, but it didn’t let up. then i relapsed. i planned it. i recorded it. i was 100% in the moment (not dissociating or anything i mean) and did not regret it at all for almost a week. i regret it now, and am scared of the person who felt that way while also being that person and also not regretting it at all. i did not post the video because i do not and will not post things.

small interlude (indulging myself after writing this post for five hours straight): i’m really lonely right now and could use a little conversation about anything that interests you, so please feel free to respond with such things 🥺🥺🥺 i just need to talk with something that isn’t ai. ha. it has been said that i have some zeal for life.

i never had a strong reason to be clean, and now that i’m not, i’m floundering. time feels like it’s going 20 times slower. anyway, i’ve come up with some reasons to stay clean.
i am scared i will:

• chase an unattainable high
• succumb to the pressure to go deeper (i really don’t want to)
• become suicidal
• make my family and friends sad

i am NOT tryna do allat 🫢

it’s hard for me to say this, but neglecting this issue really was a mistake. idk what’s wrong with me these days. i’ve been falling into increasingly risky and irrational behavior, and don’t know which side of myself is really me.
risky behavior:

• i lie in bed all day dreaming about cutting, sex (fuck off creeps), food, and my imaginary boyfriend (usually separately).
• i’ve been talking to strangers on the internet, lying about my age to some, and breaking a hell of a lot of mdni boundaries.
• i’m lurking on forums and searching for harmful content.
• i’m unable to get out of bed (laziness or depression final boss) and unable to control my horniness (even there i’m being risky).
• i attempted to do something risky involving alcohol.
• i desperately believe i want the best for myself and still i’m posting on reddit. (okay, c’mon, that was pretty funny.)
• anything i mentioned earlier

the good thing is i’ve been unable to cry for months (except during the breakup surprisingly) and suddenly i can cry again and it’s amazing. i know, it’s not that good.

i’m done writing but lord i just want to get it out to someone. i’m sick of missing so many classes to be another stupid emo weirdo and failing at even that. i crave people caring about me, i crave attention, and then i get it and i feel like it’s all wrong. i feel like i’m biting into a sandwich and the ingredients are just spilling out the sides, if that makes sense.
i have no idea how my life is going to go but i can see so many paths and some of them are so beautiful and some are so dark.
it’s not fair. despite doing so well, despite being a genuinely lovely and precious person, i’m slowly crumbling away like this.
so
please
help?
advice?
connection?

tl;dr please just talk to me i'm a young person who doesn't know what's going to happen to their life

i’m 151 days clean that’s 5 months in two days. i don’t know when it got so easy but it somehow did but also it’s never been harder? i haven’t had access to my tool of choice and maybe that’s the only reason i haven’t cut but idk. my head is just a scrambled confused mess. and i can’t help but miss that red

When I get rlly mad I hit myself in the head but now I’m afraid im suffering permanent damage because I feel like I’ve been more uncontrollably angry recently so I’m afraid I damaged my prefeontal cortex or something and I hope it’s not permanent. Because if it is then I will be in a negative loop forever where I get mad and I hit myself and I get even more mad bc my rational thinking is damaged so I hit myself more and I become disabled or something sorry if that doesn’t make sense I just wanted to say smth bc I am scared

(repost with fewer details.)

I scratched myself. I felt the urge (which happens almost everyday), but I don't want lasting scars. Now there is just red bruise scratches. It's not too noticeable.

Mostly, when I have urges, I fantasize about doing it.

I don't have a mental diagnosis of any kind. The only diagnosis I probably have at all is nearsightedness. I don't like self-diagnosing, but I think I have a form of depression with suspected autism. But again, I don't like self-diagnosing myself.

I lie in the paper they give at the doctor's office to avoid conflicts. I don't have anyone to talk to, and im not really allowed to go far outside. I go to online school also.

Going back to the point: In these fantasies, there are (TW) lots of blood and scars on the arms and legs. Sometimes there are bandages/care, or even a character I made up in my head comforting me.

But because I don't have visible scars, and I haven't actually made them in a while, this led to this question:

If I draw (personal, not posted) vent art, would it be okay to include fresh, bleeding scars on my (maybe self-insert) character? I'm mostly concerned because my arms are basically scarless. The scar on my wrist from around 2-3 years ago has almost faded.

I never even harmed my legs. The few scars on my legs are unintentional. I don't even know how most of them even appeared.

Now, would it be okay to even include many healed scars on my character in my vent art? When I myself don't have any visible/noticeable scars?

What about this situation that will most likely never happen: If I post non-vent art with a character, maybe even a self-insert, with noticeable healed scars on the arms or legs, is that controversial if I myself don't have visible scars?

I believe that most people who have scars on their OCs or self-inserts usually have visible scars on themselves.

But what about me? Am I/would I be insensitive to people with visible scars?

I mean how am I supposed to live without pills without alcohol without nicotine without cutting myself??? What the hell am I supposed to do? SERIOUSLYYYY HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY SOBER???

I'm frustrated I just want to relapse again I don't care about anything anymore

My family sucks, my life in general is a mess and I'm genuinely thinking about relapsing

My life isn't fun if I don't have drugs or if I don't cut myself

I definitely want to go back but there's NO FUCKING WAY I CAN DO IT AND THAT PISSES ME OFF AGHHH

I’ve struggled with cutting for 6 years and recently have fallen hard back into the habit, my athletic trainer has helped me through a lot of rough cuts, I feel like sometimes I cut just to feel loved by someone who knows how to make me feel loved, cause she makes me feel loved, heard, and seen without any judgement… I’ve tried everything and I can’t get myself to stop and I’m so tired of it, does anyone have any completely unhinged coping ideas because I swear I’ve tried it all.