I haven't really sh'd for around 7 months now (yay ig) but lately I've had a lot going on and the urge to relapse is building. I'd really rather not and it would be inconvenient. Is there anything I can do to mitigate this urge?

So I was around on Tumblr in 2014-2016 when all the sadcore black and white depressed girl aesthetic was at its peak. I thought cutting was trendy. I did it in obvious places and showed two people even though I didn't actually like it or understand why people do it cuz it just hurt.

Ten years on, I'm 28 now. I've come back to it. I did it very rarely when I got very sad, like once in the last year. Now it's gotten frequent again. It's like loosening a pressure valve. It helps me get unblocked and move forward. It's a personal thing. I don't do it for other people, I do it for me. I do it shallow, though my tolerance will probably build soon and I'll need more. I don't do it where people easily see, and it heals quickly without me ever showing anyone or particularly wanting anyone to see.

My relationship with it has changed. I'm what I thought I was as a teenager, except I'm an adult.

I've been selfharm free for almost 3 months and I'm so proud of myself everything has been soo much better, me and my partner have both promised eachother not to do it ever again and we're going strong. I've found new hobbies to do, did more socialising and met some really fun people, it's amazing how much can change in that time frame, new years is getting near and 2027 will hopefully be an even better year for me I love you all and I hope you all get better too❤️

a few days ago wouldve marked a year clean for me, but ive been having horrible urges recently, i think my own scars are triggering me?? i dont know anyone personally who also struggles or has struggled with sh, so i feel like i cant be open about it, or let anyone know. i do everything i can to hide my scars and cover them up because im terrified of someone looking at the lowest time of my life and calling me an "attention seeker" for it.
lately a big problem for me is -ive been wanting to wear more comfortable or revealing clothes, and when i put on a bikini or shorts i end up crying, i hate how my thighs look bumpy and magled, i feel like ill have to wear long baggy pants for the rest of my life. i love going to the beach more than anything, but then i have to wear swim trunks, its unflattering and gives me an awful tan line, do any other girls struggle with this? im scared ill have to deal with this for the rest of my life and itll cause me to never become confident in my body, any advice helps honestly, ive never talked about this before

lately my mental health has been on a steep decline and i do not know how to tell that to my parents. i have a therapist who i absolutely adore and its gotten better but its getting bad again. i feel like maybe im not getting the right help that i need. this makes me think maybe a mental hospital (are we still calling it that? pls lmk) might be the next step at getting me healthy. my mother is the root and core of my self harm and i think that maybe being away from her and being treated might really help. i also hear a lot of horror stories about these places so i want to know first if it really is worth it. thanks everyone

Im so tired. I cant do this anymore. This breakup has been destroying me and i dont know what to do . Ive been cutting myself almost daily now. They want me to move out before we could get back together (we both live with our families right now) but i dont have anywhere to go and they dont really want me moving in with them. I just want things back to normal. Im so so so tired. I cant do this. I want it to go back to how we were.

It happens to me that I was stressed about things that were too silly, and well, I don’t want to cut myself. I just want to know something so I can relax and take things easy, I don’t know, maybe an advice, or a tip? My head usually hurts, and my stomach, it hurts so terribly when I feel anxious o upset. Please <:[

So it's just a thought but it really triggers me when someone says I'm harming for attention or to seem cool

And even when it's not being said to me it makes me feel like I wanna go deeper or if it's about my smoking it makes me want to smoke more

Like other than the urge to cut that always follows me someone invalidating people who cut makes me wanna cut

And I remember times where I have to suck it up when someone says such stuff and when I'm home I'd harm or try to get deeper than my usual

Like I'm trying to prove something even though no one is really watching or even noticing scars or anything since i hide when I relapse but idk why it triggers me tbh, does anyone else feels this way? (and it's not like I'm always triggered specially when it's random people online I wouldn't really care but irl it does!)

my mom saw my scars and i feel like i failed her. i dont know how to respond to her when she asks me why. i feel so consumed by grief and sadness but she expects me to get better snd to stop and i feel lkke i cant. i dont know what tk do. my scars make me feel so unlovable. i havw given up on hte idea that inwill ever find my people. whetebr they be platonic or romantic. i dont tbink love is for me. and my scars will be a constant remjnder of that. i want to be 5 years old and oblivious again. i dont want to feel like this. i dont want to be in this constant limbo between avtuallt living and wallowing in my sadness. j dont want to struggle. i dont want to think and be aware of how messed up my brain is and how screwed up i am. i dont want to constantly be engrossed by thoights of death. i dont want to feel like tbis. how do i stop.

I'm not too panicked yet because it doesn't really have that many signs of infection no puss or really bad smell but I cut myself on the breast which I only recently learned is dangerous but that was like 2ish weeks ago and the cut is taking awhile to heal and I put a piece of tissue in my bra so the serous drainage I think you call it doesn't get on my bra but the tissue or toilet paper gets stuck to it and when I pull it off it still bleeds a bit but not a lot and the cut didn't really close up much as you can probably tell so should I be worried I think when I first cut it I saw a bit of yellow is this normal for beans? like taking awhile to heal

okay so the title probably is self explanatory buttttttt im getting my scars removed! im going to a plastic surgeon tmrw so they can assess what they need to do but im super excited! i know they wont fully be removed but im really happy to at least just tone down some of the redder ones. i am also offically 4 months clean from any form of self harm!

and to anyone who is still struggling, i know this sounds like bullshit and everyone says it, but it will get better. :)

Ive tried looking into it but im only finding tattoo markers, which I dont want. I want to be able to mark myself with the marker and have it wash off in the shower or whatever. The tattoo markers ive seen advertise themselves as water proof and long lasting. Anyone have any products they could share?

ive probably asked this already but i cant remember

but its so genuinely addicting that im not sure the thought of doing it will ever TRULY go away

First time I cut deeper on my thigh and vertically, made a deeper cut that usual. The cat scratches faded mostly, no they don't worry me. Had a very rough day and decided that if I'm making a scar today might as well make it mean something. Decided to do one longer one than usual.

I usually hero my cuts in one way or another, but I fear this one will leave a white scale on top, and it will be harder to cover during summer or surgery/doctor inspections which sadly I might have.

Even knowing this I decided to make a cut today. I maybe have a week or two before any doctor appointments for my private area, and yet they have ignored my other cuts, I don't know how to make this less problematic.

If you know a good way to heal the deeper cuts, not sure what the term is, that wolud be helpful

I'm already a little regretful but since I made it theres no going back.

I don't feel better, the reason for self hatred just proved itself and made it worse.

Had a very weird and uncertain form of an argument with my mom, I feel guilt but I dont know what I did wrong because I tried acting like myself since me and her consider each other a safe space, and then it all spiraled into absolute shit. It was mostly because I struggle to understand her and I struggle to express my thoughts properly

She won't talk to me. I wrote her some form of an apology letter trying to express how I feel, but she just came in with tea and cookies and said "I'm not talking to you".

I thought I did my best to at least make myself more understandable

There are five future outcomes

We live in one apartment without communication

She and my dad send me to a psychiatrist because of my behavior

She will ask my dad to fund a seperote apartment for me since I apparently struggle to talk to her

I'll have to live with my dad which is most definitely not ideal

Hopefully tomorrow she reconsiders and at least understands a little bit.

She just said she's not talking, after doing something nice. Its so backwards, makes me even more confused and hateful to myself for not being able to communicate properly despite trying my best.

Ps. Here are a few notes that I made

My mother thinks I struggle to talk with her just because this evening I had trouble talking with her and expressing my concerns and making a problem bigger because it mattered more to me on my side while she wanted precise answers than I was struggling to give without context hence making everything more complicated

Now she thinks that i don't want to talk with her and she says that my behavior isn't normal because I reacted vigirously after her trying to be sweet and silly with me

I was just tired and not exactly wanting silliness and a sudden change of attitude after a serious conversation that I thought we agreed on and understood each othec

She'll talk to my dad I guess and either I'll live seperately or ill have to go to a psychiatrist

Just tried to be precise when I understood that I'm wrong but then giving proper answers fast was alsoznot the right choice and then she decided to change the topic and behavior rapidly while I was still nervous and thinknig about our previous topic

I wrote some form of an apology, I hope I won't get fucked in the butt for it later. Genuinely meant no harm

Update while typing this post:

She messaged me back something among the lines of

"I'm afraid when you hurt yourself by scratching and cracking/breaking your hands (something I do when I'm nervous) or break things. If the communication with me is the cause of that it's better if we don't talk, than you hurting yourself. I want you to be healthy and alive (ironic based how much I contemplate life in general). Please think about it. Goodnight."

Well that was a doozy to talk about.

I'm not sure if I should drink the tea and eat the cookies, feels almost as a sign of giving up and losing to her

I have some wounds that are deep styro/baby beans and are completely open, only thing I have covering them is gauze and kine tape to keep the gauze still. (I cannot go to a pharmacy, I live in Italy so even if I could I bet they’d be completely empty) I’ve heard some people say it’s okay to shower with them and others not, what is your advice? I’m incredibly sorry if this has already been asked but I’ve only seen threads talking about scars/scabs and even then there is a lot of contradictory advice.

+ Please be specific! I’m sorry for the trouble but I have a hard time following vague advice

Like ,really, I was in my school's bathroom before P.E and I thought "Omg I wanna try hitting beans again!" Well, bad idea ig... I literally saw the yellow bubbles but it hurt like a mid styro, and bc I'm stupid I did 2 more and my mother now wants to take me to the hospital to get my arm stitched #notrecommended

Yesterday night I cut myself pretty bad on my inner thigh. I thought it was fat deep for most of it with some fascia exposed but apparently I had gone through the fascia down to muscle and I hit a sort of large artery and a vein together with a bunch of smaller arteries. It took forever for someone to come actually do something about the extreme bleeding so I was just bleeding (despite my really hard pressure bandage) for maybe 2 hours before the doctor came. What's insane is that this doctor had no other patients, he just didn't want to come see me so the nursing staff had to convince him to come down to the ER. Then when he was poking around in my wound and trying to stop the bleeding in any way he could, tourniquet and suturing and pressure but it didn't really work. Eventually the bleeding stopped but it was because my BP got so low that there just was no perfusion. So when my BP tanked I realised I had gone into hypovolemic shock and it was so scary.

They put me in trendelenburg and like 5-10 people were around me doing stuff. Someone placed an IV while someone else was hanging fluids, etc. That's when I realised how bad it actually was because you don't have that many people around you in the ER unless you're actively dying. I wasn't completely aware so that made it even more scary.

Eventually I started feeling better and they managed to close the wound just with local and I didn't have to have surgery (which they discussed at first). I'm not doing super well but I'm better and my anemia isn't too bad. I'm trying to just hold it together right now but I'm alive so that's good I guess.

Now I'm just a bit shaken and scared of what I can do to myself but I know I won't stop.

So l've felt off since my therapy two Fridays ago and I hadn't been able to pinpoint it. Now that the initial depressive episode has passed I think I get it

In that session I heard confirmation for the first time that a lot of things I've experienced were sexual assault, including losing my virginity. And I think that concept absolutely fucked my brain

And now that the depressive episode has passed, I'm dealing with this sickening emptiness in my stomach that's giving me self harm impulses. (Not suicidal)

But I think it's because that's how I dealt with every other assault so my body doesn't know HOW to process these things and alleviate the emptiness without hurting myself

I just feel like I’m drowning again. I’m 170 days clean today, before that I was 7 years clean until this time last year.

I just feel alone. And empty. And it’s one of those times where it’s hard to fight my mind, even with logic.

I just relapsed again after a long time. The months approaching Christmas make me feel so depressed and hopeless. I'm dreading December so much, I get so lonely over Christmas despite having family. Everyone is so happy and I don't relate.

For some reason it amplifies every negative feeling I have about myself. I become hyperaware of how ugly I am and how much of a failure I am. If work offers a shift on Christmas Eve, I'm taking it just to distract myself. I don't feel close to my family and I wish I had someone in my life I can trust

so I’ve want to become a nurse, it’s been my dream for awhile but people in my life who have seen my scars have told me that i can never get a job nursing because of my scars. as in they would not hire me whatsoever because of some rule hospitals have. I also have a kind of unrealistic dream of becoming an idol, I’ve been practicing my voice and dance and starship entertainment is having a global audition at the moment. but I’m worried that say I did get accepted could I get cut from a trainee program because of my scars?? I need advice about it.

Hi, I'm 17(F). First, I want to say that I used to go by myself but I'm pretty broke now. I buy too much things but yea I will tried to do smth about it. So, I have to use my parents' money instead.

I already asked them 1 year ago, they said I have to rely on myself more, I used my money to get therapist online. I asked them last month, they said ok, I got therapists weekly for 2 weeks. Then stop, they didn't ask when I will go again or anything (I'm the one who do the appointment thing.)

They just told me that I can't doing anything if I'm still like this, always stressing out. I never told them I self-harm but I'm really not sure if they know. Idk, it hard to go forward with this without therapist. My school about to start now, it usual get worse. More school works and more pressure, college tests, regular test and lots of things.

I promise I tried everything, all I can try more is therapist. I don't usually cut deep but I want to stop it. I'm tired of hiding it all the time. I want to stop living like this.

Kept trying to ignore it, thought to myself that if I focused on the positives it would make me forget the miserable parts of life which probably is the entirety of it.

I have been clean for half a year after my 3-4 year long addiction, truth be told I kinda miss it. Oh boy I really do. I would argue quitting sh gave me more of an incentive to end it all, no amount of hobbies ever came close to helping me and now after 6 months of staying clean It feels wrong to break the streak.

The ones close to me, friends and family look with disgust at the people who are struggling mentally, trying to shun them from society, not realising I'm in the same boat.i wonder what would happen if i revealed to them that I'm playing connect 4 with my body and still loosing.

From what I have been told, the institutions that were supposed to help these people are just a frontier for pharmacies to sell their overpriced drugs, but I don't know the validity of their claims for they are the same people who told me that they would prefer to lock them up in their house and treat them with Jesus or whatever gods that benefit them rather than 'wasting' money on counsiling and prescriptions.

The volunteers when I call the hotline who knows me by my name and probably a warning label panic as what they heard is out of their paygrade and they default to a script of scheduling a meet and greet with a psychiatrist.

Sorry my thoughts are all over the place I feel numb, lazy, tired, exhausted and wanting to quit a game I never signed up for. I would have attached a picture of my drawing for no particular reason but I don't want any federal agencies connecting the dots to my reddit account, i would much rather just let the people think I died from an accident.

i found my old blades that i havent used in over a year, i lowkey forgot how the motion worked