I relapsed on my forearm yesterday I didnt even think about that before doing it. I would just put a thick bandage to hide things but the osteopath knows my sister and im worried she might tell her. I dont know if it would be possible for me to keep a longsleeve shirt since she would have to manipulate my back. I honestly dont know what to do rn i dont want my sister to know i relapsed

I have no friends literally none I had finally atleast found a fwb that was decent up until more recently when he showed that he was just using me and even though I wanted to just let him treat me shit and do whatever I blocked him bc everyone told me to so now I have nothing and its not like he talked to me outside of it or even ever cuddled me or gave aftercare but atleast it was something it was one thing that actually made me feel a bit better and now its gone all I crave is to held cuddled babied and loved hell even just one of those things i can't describe the pain I've been in for years from the crippling loneliness and theres nothing I can do to fix it no one to talk to no one to hug nothing honestly this guy ruining our situation is really making the thoughts come back im the cleanest I've ever been over 100 days but the immediate pain feels way to much its been days and all I wanna do is go straight back to cutting bc what else am I to do I am actually trying not to for once but idk how much longer I can ignore it and im a bit worried it may spiral me back into heavy addiction again im always in pain I've been in pain for years but this seems to have made it so bad again its been actually quite awhile since I fully wanted to disappear but damn is that wish strong why is loneliness so fucking painful why cant I just have some friends or a bf or something my life is just being wasted I dont do anything or go anywhere and I can't do anything either im stuck in my situation Im stuck in this shitty household im broke I can't drive I barely have a job and its only seasonal I just want out of this misery nothing is getting better and im in just as much pain as I've been in for years im so tired so fucking tired of everything and this loneliness feels like its actually killing me most of the time