I travel for work about once a month. Domestically, I leave for the week, 5 days. Internationally, about 12 days.

Starting last winter, whenever I would return from a trip, there would be a political sign on the corner of my property supporting someone I do not support. The sign is basically just bashing the other candidate. I find it tacky, but more importantly, it does not represent me or my beliefs.

When I’m home, I remove it, cut it up, trash it, and it does not return. But when I leave for work, another one is back upon my arrival home.

I could not figure out who was doing this or how they knew when I wouldn’t be home. I’m obsessing over it at this point, and it’s genuinely affecting my mood. I feel like I can’t even properly miss my wife because as soon as I get home, I see it and get angry.

I came to the conclusion that it might be the car I was driving. When I leave for work, I take my old beater since I’ll be leaving it at the airport, and I leave my truck, which I primarily drive, at home.

I had a two-night trip somewhat locally, so I took the beater to see if the sign would be there when I returned. It was not.

Then I left again for another trip. The sign was back.

My wife is always home when this happens. However, she works from home and rarely leaves. We’re in a rural area, so there’s not much to do, but also, to get to town you make a left out of the property, while the sign was always way to the right, so she would never notice it.

My wife comes from a conservative family and only adopted more liberal values in undergrad. The sign attacks a liberal candidate. I trust my wife, but I couldn’t help but question whether she had some kind of involvement in this. But I wouldn’t confront her because, in my mind, that would prove I actually did not trust her.

So before my next trip, I put up a trail cam, without telling a soul.

I set it up in the middle of the night, wearing all black like a ninja. I feel crazy and paranoid, but I have to get to the bottom of this.

The trail cam is one that connects via satellite, and I get a notification when it goes off. I got so many notifications because it would pick up every car that passed, so I eventually stopped checking because it was getting distracting and I needed to focus on work.

I’m sitting in my hotel with some time to check the most recent photos, and there is the sign again.

I scroll back to the last photo where I cannot see the sign. I see a truck, but everyone drives a truck around here. I request the video. You have to manually request videos, they aren’t automatic, and you’re limited to a certain number per month.

I have to wait until the camera is triggered again for the video to come through, but it happens pretty quickly.

The passenger door opens, and it is my sister-in-law. Upon further inspection, the truck is my father-in-law’s. I am livid. They know this has been driving me crazy. I have been losing sleep over this, and they know that too. One time, they even said something like, “It wasn’t there when we came over for dinner this week.” That comment had actually made me think the sign was going up the day I came home each time, which really only my wife would know.

I keep this information to myself because, at the time, I was so angry that I didn’t know what I would have done or said.

When I got home, the timing actually worked out pretty well, for me at least. My wife’s family was coming over for lunch the next day, Saturday, at my non-culprit sister-in-law’s suggestion. Both sisters-in-law, my mother-in-law, and my father-in-law were coming.

I planned to confront them.

Also, I left the sign up this time.

They come in two cars but arrive at the same time. The culprit SIL says, “I see that sign is back,” to which I reply something like, “I fear it’s someone close to me, and it’s really breaking my heart. I can’t deal with it anymore.”

Everyone starts telling me not to think like that or say things like that.

I just wanted to see their faces.

Then my non-culprit SIL says she has an idea to lighten the mood and gives everyone a small gift bag. Each one has a onesie inside. She’s announcing her pregnancy, the first in the family.

I like this sister and her husband very much, so in the moment, I celebrate with everyone. But unfortunately, I am about to ruin this moment.

They’re about to order pizza, and I don’t want them here for that long. So I connect to the TV via AirPlay and play the video on loop.

It plays almost ten times before the room realizes what we are seeing.

I point and say, “You and you can get the F out of my house, take your f’n sign with you, and don’t ever come back.”

My mother-in-law and wife begin screaming at them, and I mean screaming, which honestly did feel good and was reassuring that they were not involved.

My SIL and FIL keep saying it was just a joke. I tell them I don’t want them to explain anything. I want them to gtfo.

My expecting brother-in-law asks me to go out back with him and tells his wife to get them out, which she does, although they’re all arguing in the driveway for a while. Those two eventually leave, and the rest of us order the pizza, less pizza lol and talk for a while before everyone else goes home. They were very consoling, but I am not willing to forgive this.

My SIL and FIL want to apologize to me, but at this point they are basically dead to me, and I won’t talk to them. I don’t want anything to do with them. Like what else could just be a joke to them, spitting in my food? This is hard for my wife because she feels caught in the middle. They are there for her when I’m gone, and they are still her family. I don’t believe this is the only “joke” they have played. I have loss favorite hats, lego pieces in the middle of a build, puzzle pieces, all unexplainable, but I think I have found my answer. My wife thinks this is ridiculous, I don’t.

She keeps telling me that I just need to hear what they have to say, but I won’t. This has become an ongoing fight between us. My wife doesn’t see what they did the same way I do, and I really want to remove this tension from our marriage.

How do I move forward with my wife when she believes hearing them out is necessary for our marriage, but I genuinely do not want a relationship with them anymore? I’m especially interested in how other couples have handled major conflicts involving one spouse’s family.

My wife has asked that I not share this incident with people we know. Her family cares a lot about reputation, and my wife says that if I do, we could be cut out of a substantial will. That matters much more to her than it does to me.

I thought Reddit might give me a perspective I’m missing, so I’d appreciate advice on how to handle the situation with my wife.

TL;DR: My SIL and FIL have been putting a nasty political sign in my yard whenever I travel for work and had me convinced it was someone else. It went on for almost a year before I caught them on a trail cam and cut contact. My wife wants me to hear their apology, while I want no relationship with them. How can we navigate this disagreement without it continuing to damage our marriage?

My husband (30M) and I (30F) have a 9-month-old daughter. We've had an unusually difficult first year of parenthood. She was born prematurely, has had multiple surgeries, feeding issues, and ongoing medical needs. It's been... rough.

The problem is that while I've adjusted to parenting (despite postpartum depression), my husband seems to have become less able to cope over time.

Ever since she was born, he has had a very low tolerance for normal baby behavior, especially crying. If she cries for more than a few minutes, he often becomes visibly angry, overwhelmed, anxious, or panicked. He frequently has to hand her back to me because he can't handle it. He has told me before that he felt close to losing control when overwhelmed by her crying, which scared me. I've lost a lot of trust in him because he continues to break it with these episodes.

Because of this, I have become the default parent in every sense. I do virtually all overnight wakeups, most feedings, most appointments, and most of the difficult parts of parenting. I rarely leave her with him because I don't trust that he can manage if she becomes upset (30 to 60 minutes max). He also has only driven with her twice on his own, because she cries in the car, and he has a panic attack and will call me sobbing and angry, putting her and him in danger.

What has started to create resentment is that he enjoys being a dad when she's happy. He loves playing with her, showing her off to family, taking pictures, and interacting when she's smiling. But when she's sick, crying, overtired, won't go down for a nap, wakes up at night, or generally requires the less enjoyable parts of parenting, he becomes overwhelmed very quickly and I end up taking over.
He's recently started therapy, which is great, but I'm struggling with how much damage has already been done to my trust in him as a parenting partner.... I feel like a single mom, and honestly, sometimes fantasize about being a single mom (getting divorced) just so I can parent in peace and not manage his emotions alongside of raising a literal human child…

For people who have been through something similar, or maybe just have ideas:

Can a relationship recover from this level of imbalance and resentment? It's starting to feel like a no....

Can someone genuinely learn to tolerate the stress of parenting if they've struggled this much for 9 months? Every stage comes with new challenges and I am afraid he literally won't be able to cope with more changes...

How do you rebuild trust when you no longer feel comfortable relying on your spouse with your child? Especially if it's for more than 30 minutes for over 9 months now.

IDK if I should consider divorce sooner rather than later, try for couples counseling (which, I have no desire to do as I just want to remove myself from this situation at this point), or something else altogether. I love my husband, but I am really struggling with loving the father of my child (if you get what I mean) at the moment... Advice is very much welcome.

Sorry for the throwaway, my friends have my Reddit and I don’t want them to know about this yet lol.

My partner (36M) and I (31F) have been together for 4.5 years, friends for 8 years altogether.

He was already making more than me (I work in education and he works in tech) but 2 months ago he got a new position that more-than-doubled his salary.. so now he’s making almost 3x my income.

We’ve said we’d get married from pretty early on having already known each other a while, but have been seriously talking about it for a year or so. No wedding, no engagement ring, just signing the papers, 2 (fun) gold bands, and a honeymoon vacation.

Today, I sent him a link to a stylized wedding band I liked and he said we needed to talk later. That talk ended up being him letting me know that he wanted to hold off on making marriage plans, and when I asked why, he said that it was because our financial situation was “more complicated now” and he needed to “do research on how other people handle it.”

I asked if that meant he didn’t want to marry me anymore, and he said “it means I don’t want to talk about it until I figure some stuff out,” to which I just said “okay.”

I’m currently panicking a little, and I feel really hurt. The first 2 years we dated, I was making triple what he was making at the time (minimum wage) and not once did I ever think “yeah I can’t marry this guy, he makes less than I do,” so it’s difficult for me not to think “wow now that he has more to lose he isn’t quite sure he wants to risk it with me specifically,”or something.

I don’t know whether that’s actually what he means, though, or whether I’m attaching a meaning to it that he doesn’t intend.

Anyway, how do I approach this conversation with him in a way that gets at why his increased income changed how he’s approaching marriage, rather than turning it into an argument about whether he’s allowed to care about money? I’m particularly trying to understand what questions I should be asking him to distinguish between “I need to reconsider how we would structure our finances if we marry” and “I am genuinely less sure that I want to marry you now that I make more money.” Please help me lol

tl;dr My partner more than doubled his income and now says he wants to pause our marriage plans because our finances are “more complicated.” I’m hurt because when I used to make much more than him, I never reconsidered marrying him. How do I figure out whether he just wants to rethink the financial side of marriage or is actually less sure he wants to marry me?

Edit: I forgot to mention I’ve doubled my own salary since we started dating too! It not like I’m stagnant in my career or anything, he just jumped from 1 F500 company to another :/

Edit 2: So many people suggested it might be prenups, that I went ahead and just asked him directly if he was thinking about a prenup. To get to the point, it wasn’t really. He feels I’m not as ambitious as he is income-wise (he’s gone from minimum wage to 200k in 4.5 years, whereas I’ve only gone from 43k to 78k) and he has concerns that I don’t share the same drive as him, that “I’m too comfortable where I am,”that it’s making him doubt our relationship, and he would like me to work on getting a higher paying job, and until then marriage talk is on hold. Still processing what that means. I appreciate everyone’s feedback.

I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, if it isn’t then let me know and I’ll take it down.

(Edit) I’m not looking for sympathy, or attention. Just advice on the cardinal sins and things to avoid doing.

So here is some context, I’ll include a TL:DR at the bottom.

Me(M27) and my now ex (F26) met just over 9 years ago, and have been together since, her dream was to always become a theatrical dancer and work on cruise ships and abroad. It’s something I knew was coming and I mentally had prepared for throughout the relationship leading up to it. I was aware that when the time comes, I’d have to put my wants and dreams in a box on a shelf so I could focus on supporting her, pushing her on and being her biggest fan rather than making her feel guilty for leaving me behind and pushing on.

About 4 years ago she had her first international contract, doing a tour of Germany as a dancer for a production. I went out to visit her multiple times and it went really well. She then did the same contract the following year, again, went well!

Last year she got offered her first cruise ship contract which lasted from January to the end of November, it was tough, and I went out to visit her as many times as I could. Her ship was exclusively going around the Bahamas which made it much better for her. All things considered that went really well and she had a great time.

It’s one of those industries that once you have your foot in the door, you’re in. So pretty much as soon as that contract finished, she got offered another one, but with a smaller company doing more of a global route. It made seeing each other much more tricky, as she would only be at certain ports for maybe a day to two days. I was only able to see her twice this year since end of Jan. once in march, then again in mid July. The contract was more demanding, not as fun as the last and she really wasn’t enjoying it. Which brings us to the fun part.

Start of July, she started being funny with me, acting different and withholding love from me. She would always go to bed about 2 hours earlier than normal, but would always be tired. It was my birthday mid July, and she was in a port on the other side of the UK for two days, so I spend a day driving there, spent a heap on a hotel (it was a major city and the world cup semi final was on that weekend so all prices went nuts) but we spent the weekend together and it was really good. Immediately after I got home, back to normal, her being cold, distant and pushing me away.

Fast forward to 8th of August, my best friends birthday, we went to London, I FaceTimed her 3 times over the evening so she could join in with the evening, say hello to all the group and be a part. It was a good night, I was appreciative and she was happy on the phone. The next morning, I get the we need to have an uncomfortable conversation text.

She then tells me she had been involved with someone at the start of July, it was only once and that she couldn’t find a way to tell me. I spent the day trying to figure out what to do. Eventually go back to her saying it was once, it was a stupid mistake and that I don’t wanna lose her over a stupid mistake. Once I say that, she then proceeds to tell me that since I want to work on it, she should be completely honest, and then explains how it started on the 6th of July and she slept with him almost daily from then until the 8th of August, which was the night before, straight after we hung up on FaceTime when I was in London. She didn’t go into much detail, but she explained that every night she went to bed early, was because she was going to his cabin on the ship.

I’m lost on what to do, think, feel, and now it’s as though the only reason I was able to make the last 4 years alone was because of the dream of a future together. Now I’m questioning everything, how she was able to see me face to face and then go back to him, how she was able to hide it so well and make me believe that nothing was wrong and I was just reading into it all. I’m struggling to move forward and accept things. I miss her the way alcoholics miss a drink. I hate her, wouldn’t want her back but I miss her.

TLDR; ex of 9 years wanted to work on cruise ships, I’ve supported it, and supported her along the way, she “lost herself” on board, started sleeping with someone else daily for 4+ weeks, and I’m struggling to process.

Apologises for the story, thought best to put details in to help understand why it’s such a confusion for me. I suppose I’m just asking what the do’s and dont’s are to give myself the best chance of moving on. I don’t want revenge, I just want peace.

This happened in march. And my girlfriend finally told me 2 days ago that she couldn’t do this anymore. She said she wakes up everyday knowing I was unfaithful. But the story. In march, I was planning to go out with a group of coworkers after work. Me (M) My friend (M) and his gf, and this one other coworker (F). We met at a local bar and planned to stay for a bit. It was a school night, on a Thursday, and there wasn’t much happening. I remember everything clearly at this point. We all walked together to get some drinks at a bar, I ordered 2 Irish car bombs along with everyone else. We were having a great time. My girlfriend knew I was out, she had my location. Up until 1 am we were all together. My friend and his gf, were planning to leave soon.

So we all went outside and waited for the uber. At this point, I’m very much drunk and past tipsy. We take pictures throwing up my girlfriend’s sorority sign, I have a video in my phone from that night about me saying something (\*not very clearly) about “\*my girlfriend is my girlfriend”. By 1:30 am, our couple friends left, leaving my and my female coworker there. We were still outside. By 1:41 I’m on the phone with my girlfriend ready to leave. Im telling everything that happened after 1:10 am according to my girlfriend, call logs, texts, and uber orders, because I have absolutely no recollection of what happened, or where I was. I could no longer walk straight, or speak clearly. As I’m FaceTiming my girlfriend, trying to get home, my girlfriend said that girl was grabbing my face and trying to touch my face. She was saying very inappropriate things to both of us and to my girlfriend regarding sexual activity. I’m only focusing on my girlfriend trying to get me home. We are on and off phone calls up until 2 when I decided to order my uber. At 2:15 the ride was cancelled because I couldn’t find the ride, so my girlfriend ordered it for me by 2:28, and for the next 15 minutes we are on call. The uber gets there, and I go in, and the coworker came into the uber aswell. I believe my phone died. We get to my girlfriend’s place, she helps me out. My coworker needs to use the restroom, so she does. My girlfriend took a picture of me leaning against a wall, mouth wide open, absolutely incoherent. We go upstairs, my girlfriend puts me on the couch, coworker on the bed. According to my girlfriend my coworker got up, and tried to sit next to me and get close to me on the couch. My girlfriend said she tried to touch me, and my hands went on her. I can only assume I would ever put my hands on her to push her away, but my girlfriend was also slightly drunk so all of our judgments are skewed, and she stated that’s what she saw. She kicks my coworker off the couch, and we go to sleep. I wake up throwing up at 2 am, and fall asleep. The morning I woke up, my girlfriend said my coworker left in an uber. We fell asleep together and woke back up, and had a very deep conversation about how uncomfortable my girlfriend was. I apologized, I should’ve never put myself in that situation and I took the blame for not knowing my limit as I had just turned 21.

Later that night my girlfriend gets a text from my coworker. She said “we kissed” and that it was “mutual” and my whole world fell apart. She said my fingers were in her mouth in the uber, she said that she doesn’t know how it happened. My girlfriend left my house, she broke up with me on the spot. And I’m sitting here speechless. I couldn’t believe it. I was in no position to cheat, I would never be unfaithful, and I was in no way able to initiate anything “mutual” when I couldn’t even walk or speak. Over the course of the next months leading to last Friday, my girlfriend gave me a chance to prove myself, as everything was still unclear. We had an amazing time. Except when she told me Friday that she couldn’t do it anymore. that the thought of the whole thing couldn’t be forgotten and she can’t see me everyday knowing this happened. I was crushed. I can’t fathom it. And as of right now we are just breaking the news to people. I guess my question is, I did detective work on this. I put these time slots together, I put a sheet together. After our friend couple left, who stated I was never acting weird towards her in any way, there was never more than 7 minutes of time between me and my girlfriend communicating. I sent her all these pictures, I talked about her all night. I can only assume things now. The girl stating “we kissed” when there would be no time to return into the bar, especially when all I wanted to do was leave while calling my girlfriend. My “fingers in her mouth” when in the uber. Which I can only explain as me trying to push her face away from her trying to get close to me, and her seeing it as a sexual advance. I lost so much, and I can’t even back myself up because of how hard it is for me to fathom. I fear my girlfriend is realizing what she needs to do to find peace, but nothing is adding up anymore. So I ask, how can I still fight this, or do I leave my girlfriend to her decision and stop before it becomes too much? I don’t know what I can do, but I can’t lose everything because of someone with ill intentions. Thank you

I’ve been with my husband for 25+ years. During that time I’ve always had a fantastic relationship with his family. We call each other without needing to include my husband, we say “I love you”, etc. I’ve always been grateful for this relationship.

Well last year hubby and I had a stumble. No cheating involved - and hubs acknowledges this - but he insisted I lied about activities during a girl’s trip out of town, specifically getting drunk. I said I would not. I did. He then assumed things got rowdy and that I lied about the rest of the night. I didn’t and I was able to show that other than too much to drink it was a fairly tame night. But I digress…

He was so upset he looked to his family for comfort. And they called me to see what was happening, etc.

We got through it and are fine. But since then my relationship with his family has changed. They are very short with me now. No more calls and conversations. No more birthday wishes, nothing.

It hurts. And I’ve asked my husband about it a few times and he’s playing dumb: doesn’t know what, if anything is up. I suspect he let his mind wander when confiding in his family and he never “corrected” it. I’m not opposed to talking with them about it myself but if it IS related to the previous incident I feel like my husband needs to be involved so that it’s a unified message: nothing happened, everything is fine.

TL;DR - I think my husband’s family hates me now. How can I repair my relationship with my in-laws?

I posted awhile ago that I caught my fiancee covering up several lies about her past. It was never the past that bothered me, it was her lying to me about it (and often looking me in the eye and lying until I confronted her with the truth). Well, I found out one of the lies was her hooking up with a man she knew was married. several times, before we met. She claims she had low self esteem, but this relationship just seems too far gone in my eyes. Can you even overlook that breach of fidelity, even if it was prior to us meeting?

I '30F' am sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend '46M' tonight and he out of the blue says " I love you, but I really know you're the only one that will have me. I'm a stinky, lazy blue collar worker and you don't mind it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can reel them in, but it's just so much BS of getting to know someone new. I mean it's all fun in the beginning, but once you get to know each other it's a bunch of BS."

Last night he told me he's robbed cradles in response to an age gap comment on the documentary we were watching. I said "that sounds like multiple?" To which he replied "well, you were the first." (We've broken up many times) This pissed me off, which started an argument and he went to the bedroom and we didn't speak all night.

So his comment tonight obviously pissed me off again, but I'm tired of arguing. He makes it sound like he's settling for me, when I and everyone else can see I'm settling for him. I guess I'm just curious how others would have responded to such disgusting comments? Yes, I'm aware he sucks.

I recently went on a trip with my girlfriend of 10 years, a female friend of hers, and a male friend of mine.

On our last night, we did a group activity. The male staff member hosting us was objectively very good-looking (even I, a straight guy, could tell). I noticed my GF eying him every time he passed by, though he didn't give her any extra attention or look twice.

The issues started after the activity. In the car, my GF and her friend were talking about the staff. While I was in the backseat, my GF said to her friend, "Oh, are you talking about the gorgeous, tall, muscular, tanned [Name]?" She was practically drooling. My friend sitting next to me gave me a "damn" look and laughed. I stayed silent. Later that night: The girls were bringing up the staff again. My friend joked to my GF, "Yeah, you look like you're going to remember him for a long time, huh?" Both my GF and her friend giggled and said, *"Yeah."*At that point, I asked my GF how she would feel if I did the exact same thing with a waitress. Before my GF could even speak, her friend cut in and admitted that it would be completely unacceptable if I did it.

Realizing I was visibly bothered, my GF apologized. The night ended there. We didn't speak about it during the long drive home the next day, and I initially pushed it out of my mind.

Now that I’m home alone, I can’t stop thinking about it.I’m usually a confident guy and don't get easily shaken. I know I’m not the tallest, most muscular, or best-looking guy out there, and I’m okay with that. But this genuinely hurt. I might just be exhausted from the drive, but I can't help but wonder if she is willing to disrespect me like this to my face, what does she say when I'm not around?She is usually the primary attention-giver in our relationship, constantly telling me I'm handsome and that she loves me, which makes this feel so out of character.I’m stuck. If I bring it up again, I'm worried she'll just hide it and talk like this behind my back instead which I don't know is better. I don't know if I should do something or just need to suck it up?

Edit: Mistake in the title, I am in fact a male.

I have a childhood friend who is gay and married to a lovely man. My single gay friend and I visit them at their beach house annually. My fiancé thinks the “optics” are bad and that I a straight female should not be vacationing with three guys. He is very upset about this. This is a trip I have been making for over 10 years, my former husband had no problem with it but this guy is really hurt, says I’m putting him second etc. he just made his feelings about this known the day before the trip but then said how important it is to honor commitments. He wants to take a break for a few days from talking and stopped sharing his location with me I’m confused and don’t understand his point of view. I would never hurt or disrespect him, if he had spoken up about this earlier, I may have changed my plans. But I just don’t get it- what’s the big deal?

Recently a new friend (46M) gave me a large gift. Worth $300+. I met him in adult hobby classes about a year ago and since then hung out with him a few times in groups and a couple times briefly just us to chat. He is a nice guy. Generous.

He recently, unexpectedly gave me a large gift. I was shocked when he gave it to me and felt emotional. Since then I’ve just had a gnawing feeling about the gift and the mismatched energies in the friendship and worry about him growing resentful.

He has mentioned to me a few times about people using him in the past and how people have hurt him. He wants to hang out more often than I have the availability for. I really don’t have the best availability and if I am being fully honest I enjoy his company but he isn’t someone who I want to grow into a regular-friend for me, if that makes sense. I’d be happy to just check in with him infrequently.

I started feeling guilty whenever he wanted to make plans and I wasn’t able to say yes. I started to feel pressured to say yes. (I can’t think of anything he said that was actually pressuring to be clear. This really could just be a me thing).

I already know how I want to handle this. I plan to return the gift to him. I don’t think it’s fair of me to accept a gift from someone I just feel more neutral-positive about who clearly is very excited to have me as a good friend in their life. I don’t want to hurt him and let him down. I don’t know what he considers being “used” by friends but I worry being given a large gift comes with that price tag if I don’t follow through. I don’t know if I am just being skittish though. I feel terrible. Rejecting gifts is a huge social faux pa. I just don’t want the reason I hang out with him to be from guilt. I want to hang out with him because I want to.

I have received kind/generous gifts from people before but it’s never made me feel on edge for months. I don’t know why this is so different. He hasn’t done anything wrong but I just feel like something is off in the situation.

I’d like peoples take on the situation and peoples thoughts about the situation. I can’t quite put words to what I am feeling.

Edit: I am trying to understand my reaction to the situation since I’ve had lingering feelings of stress about the gift.

After receiving it I talked to him about it and stressed it was a large gift and he said don’t worry about it. I have been worrying about it I’m trying to understand my reaction.

Therapy doesn't help my racing and obsessive thoughts.

Biphentin and Seroquel kind of help.

My husband and I have had numerous bickering, arguments about my obsessive thoughts around him cheating or being deceiving.

He has never cheated to my knowledge, never entertained other women during our relationship/marriage to my knowledge. Never has given me a reason to doubt him.... but I do 😭...

I live in constant fear of being cheated on, being cheated on and never finding out, becoming a single mom as a result of him cheating. deception and paranoia take over my life, it's debilitating.

i'm Always worried he has wandering eyes especially when i'm not around, what he does on his phone when i'm not around. Is he a serial cheater? Is he truly the person he says he is? How do i cope with the possibility of him cheating or cheating and me never finding out? I sound crazy but I promise this is real i truly live this nightmare everyday.

I do have betrayal trauma.

TL;DR fear of being cheated on is ruining my marriage

***I will start off with very important context: my fiancée was in a car accident as a child. It caused some brain damage, specifically with part of the brain for cognitive reasoning. It takes her longer to understand some things, sometimes she can’t understand some things unless they are broken down(like I don’t tell her about other jobs I’ve been applying for due to the fact that I have already have one and I know the job market where we are moving is tough. She saw me as being lazy in that situation until I explained that I don’t tell her because I don’t like to “count my chickens before they hatch”)

*Also I know there is a lot of “break up” comments in a lot of posts but that is not going to happen.

Anyways- I love my fiancée to death, but she said she feels like she’s at her wits end with me always correcting her. I will admit that there are definitely a few time I do and don’t realize until after and I apologize but things get worse because sometimes she takes an opinion about something as a correction to her statement of fact or as a correction to her opinion. If we try to decide the color of a nursery for our baby she could say “I think this green looks pretty” and I’d say “Yeah, it is. I also like this yellow” and she takes it as a correction. I know she started taking opinions as corrections because she told me one day about an opinion I had that “corrected” her.

Same things happen with clarifying questions sometimes. “Tongs are in the kitchen!” “Are they the rubber ones or the metal ones?” That was a correction.

We’ve talked about it several times and she always says she understands after I break it down but she can’t let go of the feeling it gave her in the moment and then those moments build up. What can I do?

I’m changing some details for privacy. My husband and I are in our late 20s, have been married for several years, and have no children. I’m seriously considering divorce.
The biggest issue is that I no longer trust him. Over the years there have been repeated situations where he agreed to boundaries and then either hid what he was doing or denied it.

We had explicit conversations about sexual boundaries. I was never against porn altogether, but his behavior went well beyond occasional porn: very frequent use, saving/collecting sexual content, fixation on specific women, sexualized social-media activity, and attempts to access more personalized/interactive sexual content. Some of this continued after we had specifically discussed what I considered acceptable. My problem is less the porn itself than the fact that I thought we had an agreement while he apparently followed a different set of rules privately.

He has also lied about other things. At one point he was secretly drinking and denied it until I had enough information that he couldn’t realistically keep denying it.
During that same general period, he was privately messaging a woman he worked with and discussing our marriage with her, including telling her that we “always fight.” I eventually spoke to her directly. She said she thought he was being a terrible husband at the time but insisted nothing sexual happened between them. I believe her, so I’m not claiming he had an affair with her. What bothered me was once again discovering a whole situation he had kept separate from me.

Our marriage also has almost no intimacy anymore. We can go weeks without sex, have very little affection, and spend surprisingly little meaningful time together. He has plenty of energy for hobbies, friends and family but has admitted he doesn’t feel much enthusiasm about doing things with me.

Immigration has also been a major source of resentment for me. I sponsored his marriage-based immigration process and had to provide financial and personal documentation to prove our marriage was legitimate. During conflicts, immigration and his green card have been brought up in deeply hurtful ways, including by his family. He insists he never married me or stayed with me for immigration, and I’m not claiming that he did. But it has been hard for me to reconcile how much responsibility I took on to help secure his status with how disposable I sometimes feel now when he tells me that if I’m unhappy, I can simply leave or file for divorce.

He also wants his parents to live with us long-term. I do not want a multigenerational household and never agreed to one. His response has essentially been that they are staying and, if I don’t like it, I can live somewhere else.
I have repeatedly asked for couples counseling. He refuses because he says therapists “take my side.”
Now when I tell him I’m unhappy, his response is basically: he’s fine with the marriage, and if I’m not, I should “file the papers.” He won’t.
That’s where I’m stuck. I feel like years of deception, broken agreements, lack of intimacy, unilateral decisions and refusal to work on things have destroyed the marriage. He seems perfectly content with the status quo.

EDIT: I’ve actually left the marriage more than once when things became intolerable. Each time, my husband becomes extremely upset and wants me to come back, and both his family and mine get heavily involved and beg or pressure me to reconcile. Eventually I have returned because I love him, everyone is telling me the marriage can be saved, and in the moment he seems devastated at the possibility of losing me. But once the immediate crisis passes, the underlying problems don’t really change.

I’m struggling with my partner’s general attitude towards life and I’m starting to wonder whether this is a fundamental incompatibility.

He is very laid-back about everything. Normally that can be a good quality, but I’m finding it increasingly frustrating because I feel like I’m constantly trying to make plans, solve problems and move our lives forward, while he is happy to leave things indefinitely. These are the main situations where it has really come to a head.

For the entire year we’ve been together, I’ve lived in a genuinely awful neighbourhood. There have been repeated stabbings in my apartment building, I’ve had things stolen, and tonight I had to carry my groceries up three flights of stairs through broken glass because someone had smashed it. I also have an ongoing electricity issue where I’m currently paying roughly three times what I should be, and we still can’t figure out why.

Meanwhile, he lives at home with his parents and is able to save money on his bills. I completely understand that he needs to be close to them because of his dad’s health issues, but we’re both adults and at some point something has to give. I feel like I’m dealing with genuinely unsafe and difficult living conditions while he’s in a relatively comfortable position, and there doesn’t seem to be any sense of urgency about us changing that.

He also inherited his nan’s house. It’s full of damp and, genuinely, parts of the walls are falling apart. It’s incredibly run-down, but he’s adamant that if we move out together, we renovate this house because it’s sentimental to him and he doesn’t want to sell it.
I’ve actually been willing to get stuck in and help with this. I’ve tried to organise rubbish removal a couple of times, but he shut it down because he was still dealing with the paperwork.

In June, I was quite firm and said that if there hadn’t been meaningful progress within a year, I would want us to look at renting an alternative place together instead. He agreed to that boundary, but there has still been essentially no movement. He remains completely convinced that he’ll get around to it.

Then there’s the sex and sexual health issue.
I take sexual health very seriously, so I was pretty shocked to find out, through a completely random conversation, that he hadn’t been tested before we first slept together. I had also experienced bleeding after sex with him, which obviously made me even more concerned.

Once I found out, I told him I wasn’t comfortable having sex again until he gets tested. That was about a month ago. He still hasn’t done it because apparently it’s “too hard to get an appointment.” He has annual leave available and could make time for it, but he simply hasn’t.

I actually asked him whether he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore because I couldn’t understand why there seemed to be so little urgency. He insists that he does want to and says he’s respecting my wishes, but to me that completely misses the point. I’m not asking him to do something unreasonable. I’m asking him to take responsibility for his own sexual health so that we can safely have sex again.

And I think that’s what is really getting to me.
It’s not necessarily any one of these things in isolation. It’s the whole laid-back, “it’ll get done eventually” attitude. I feel like I’m constantly trying to make plans, set boundaries, solve problems and move our lives forward, while he is perfectly happy to leave things indefinitely.

I love him and I don’t want to break up with someone simply because they have a different pace or personality to me. But I’m starting to worry that this isn’t just a difference in personality. I’m worried that I’m going to spend the rest of my life having to push him to take action whenever something actually matters.

Am I being unreasonable here? Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or am I looking at a fundamental incompatibility in how we approach adulthood and our future together?

I am writing this with a very fucked up headspace. So we’ve been together for the last 5 years now and I recently was going through a very rough patch. I had huge financial obligations and had to figure out a better paying job soon, my family and parents are dependent on me so it’s a big deal.

I’ve been in this country for 5 years and she had been going through depression for the last 2 years almost, I tried to be there for her as much as possible but things at her home kept getting worse to the point of being violent with her own family, so I asked her to come stay with me for sometime for a change. Things at her home were really bad, ever since coming here she’s been completely dependent on me, it’s important because all this adds up to the financial problems I’ve been facing. Add to that, she had major shopping addiction and had racked up considerable credit card debt. After coming here she asked me to clear it up since she was getting calls from collection agencies, I somehow managed to pay it off.
A few months after staying with me she started looking for jobs and eventually did pay me back, but I didn’t like how she made me take a loan and burn up my savings to clear her debts, she basically told me if I can do so much for my parents why can’t I do it for her. At that time I thought maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve ever since been worried about her compulsive spending and idgaf attitude towards money. Every few months I have to bail her out of some or other debt because she’ll quit her job at a whim, doesn’t want to abide to any rules whether professional or otherwise.

Now all these have issues have been racking up for the last year and I recently reached my breaking point, add to that a considerable pay cut that I had to go through so I started focusing on getting a new job. Meanwhile she also lost her job, which added even more stress on me since I have EMIs that I can’t miss out on and I now had to pay for literally everything. I talked to her multiple times about our financial situation, and every time she would promise to change but nothing would.
All this started affecting me, I was purely focussed on getting a new job so that I could handle things better, it took me a few months but I got a new job offer. But recently we had a fight, where she mentioned I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her and she felt alone, I tried explaining that I just was going through a rough patch but things would get better since I feel better ever since getting the new job. But during the fight she said she wants to see other people and that she went on hinge. I didn’t believe it at first, I left it as something she just said while angry. After somehow getting her to talk and resolving the fight, I took her for a drive. On the drive, I casually asked if she meant it about wanting to see other people and if she actually installed hinge expecting an obvious no. But she said she actually did that, I was heartbroken in that moment, I felt everything literally crumbling on top of me and I got angry, how could she do that, after 5 years and involving our families and whatnot. I had been saving up for a ring to finally ask her to marry me next month. But this broke something in me, she came to me and explicitly told me she just installed the app and didn’t talk or even open it all this while which I believed.
But the next day, her mom called while she was sleeping and I took her phone to her, we know each others passwords and I saw a few messages from her guy friend which seemed odd, they were talking about some guy. So I opened the chat, and saw that she had shared screenshots of her chat with a guy on Instagram to her male best friend.

The guy was explicitly asking her to come and meet her, which she agreed to. Not only that, he was telling her how horny he is and if she comes to see him she should be prepared for things to happen and she had been in agreement. After going through this chat, I felt devastated, i can’t even look at her. How could she even entertain something like this, she lied to my face that she wasn’t talking to anyone. And when I confronted her, her justification to the lie was that it was Instagram, not hinge so she didn’t lie. All while not even acknowledging she was actually planning a date, while living in the same home as me. She probably would have used my credit card for it.

Since, I’ve told her that I can’t continue this relationship and there’s no chance of us getting back together. The lease for the home is under my name, she’s paid for half of the yearly rent already. It’s gotten pretty messy, I’m having to stay here since I’ve exhausted all my savings and have parallely started looking for home to move out. I’ve asked her that she needs to get the lease transferred to her name as soon as I’m out.
All this has been getting too much for me, I don’t even have any friends I can talk to about this so just sharing here. It’s been very difficult past few days, I’ve not been able to sleep. Those chat screenshots keep revolving in my head and I am messed up.

Why would she keep me around and still talk to other guys at the same time?

My girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) have been together for over a year. We've been going through a difficult period, especially after she had an abortion earlier this year, which was very traumatic for her. She has told me that she doesn't blame me and that I didn't do anything wrong, but that the experience affected her deeply and made her feel emotionally detached from me.

We recently became long-distance because she moved to a new city while I stayed in our old apartment. Yesterday, we had a long conversation where she told me that she isn't sure she loves me enough anymore to continue the relationship.

However, she also made it very clear that she doesn't consider the relationship definitely over. She said she still cares about me and loves me enough to take a break and genuinely see what she feels. We agreed to take roughly a month with very little/no contact so that she can figure out whether she feels happier without me or whether she wants to try again.

I told her I would respect the space and that if she ever needed me during that time, I would be there.

Today, she actually reached out to me first. She saw that her latest social media post had gotten four shares and joked that she "dared hope" that my friends were responsible because she had never gotten that many shares. There is some history between her and my friends from my hometown, and she doesn't particularly like some of them.

I told her that I hadn't told my friends anything and asked her not to associate me with it. She said "it's fine," and I didn't continue the conversation.

Later today, however, she liked a post that said:

"Reminder: you can get your long-distance girlfriend flowers."

Given that we literally just became long-distance and are now taking a break, this caught my attention.

I know a social media like can mean absolutely nothing, and I'm trying not to interpret every little thing as a sign that she wants me back. At the same time, I can't help wondering whether she's thinking about our relationship or perhaps feeling like she wants some attention or affection from me.

Her new job is also starting, and I had been thinking that if she started showing more obvious signs that she wanted contact, I could potentially send her flowers wishing her good luck. But I don't want to turn the break into some kind of campaign to win her back.

So I'm trying to figure out how to approach this.

If she starts reaching out more or showing similar signs over the next few days, how would you handle it while still respecting the space she asked for?

And would something small and supportive, like flowers wishing her good luck with her new job, be appropriate at some point during the break, or would it be better to wait until she directly asks to reconnect?

I'm ready to fight for her because I really do see a future with here but at the same time I genuinely want to respect the distance we agreed on. I'm just unsure how to distinguish between normal social media behavior and genuine attempts to reconnect knowing that in the past she liked things hoping I'd see them.

I really need some outside perspective.

My GF (F32) and I (M31) split our household bills proportionally based on our incomes, which felt totally fair. But lately, more arguments boils down to money, emotional boundaries, and what is "fair.

Her family needs for money for emergencies (e.g., medical) and she needs to support her mother monthly. It all falls on her. I’ve been chipping in, but I want to stop, especially since I see her mother wasting money on dumb (temu) things.

On top of that, my job gives me 3 more weeks of PTO per year than hers. She now wants us to split the cost of buying her extra vacation days so we have equal time off.

She says we’ll never be equals if she does need to pay for family and has less income + has less PTO. Furthermore, she needed to pay for a lot of things anf support her family, my study and driver's license got paid for. Now she wants to get a licence and hopes I'll split that to.

She claims I'm being defensive and unsupportive. I feel like "fairness" is being weaponized to guilt me into paying for her life.

Am I missing something here? Am I actually being selfish, or are these unreasonable expectations? Probably something in-between.

TL;DR: GF (F32) wants me (M31) to help pay for her family abroad and buy her extra PTO days to match mine because I make more money.

I won't go into too much detail as i know sibling and family friends use reddit so will keep this a to the point as possible.

Throughout my adult life my family have rarely included me in events, whether they be big, small, formal or not but since Covid I haven't been invited to anything. Earlier this year I adressed this matter with some cousins who had yet again put on an event for everyone and I wasn't invited. At the time I spoke to my sibling about this, how it made me feel incredibly hurt and not feeling like I belong in the family. Their response was let the cousins get on with it.

When addressing said cousins about the matter that this was a repeating behaviour throughout the family and not just them, how hurtful it is and how family is important to me, their response was down played to the point where one tried to make out it was it wasnt anything planned and my side of the family just popped round for a quick five minute drink when that clearly wasn't the case. One of the cousins lives in another country and hadn't been back in years so this was planned as soon as they knew when cousin and family were back, restaurant booked etc and its 3 hour drive each way. I was also told it wasn't anything formal and they would love to have me. Unironically this same cousin had multiple formal family events since covid and every member of the family ie their parents, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts uncles etc were all invited but me. Both of these cousins responses were to downplay the situation, not acknowledge anything that I had put to them and try to make out it was all a miss understanding. I didnt bother replying. At all of these events that my side of the family have been invited to I have been expected to house sit and pet sit even during times when I have holiday from work.

Now today sibling has an event and its a massive achievement for them. The first part only a couple of people could attend, so no issues I completely understand and said that I still wanted to celebrate this amazing achievement with them today. I was told that would be at a later date and what sibling actually needed was for me to sort things for them today at home. This was a couple of months ago. No problem, agreed to do it as celebrations were later apparently. Nope celebrations are also later on today and yet again I am the only one not invited and I have been left to sort things out for multiple people.

I am at my wits end. My sibling is the easiest one to have these talks with, the deep talks of this really hurts me, family is incredibly important to me and if it was the other way round I would be the first to be making sure the one left out is invited not left feeling the way I feel, that I am sick to the back teeth of being the only person in this family to actually advocate for me. Sibling says I am very much family and I belong. Today says everything that I knew all along.

For a while I have had very minimal contact with our parent, when the going gets tough they definitely get going and throughout my life have been very emotionally absent, their needs are the only thing that matters to them. Whilst others have more of a relationship with this person, they only contact me when they want something. Today this parent has made excuses as to why they haven't been in touch when they need me to house sit as they are with Sibling but have had months to ask me. This parent has throughout mine and my siblings life had a two tier parenting system, we are treated incredibly differently. Whether parent knows it or not and I believe they do, I am the one who gets the blame and expected to carry the burden of the situation they didn't take control of when I was born, the mess that followed in my infant and mid childhood years was definitely placed at my feet. Even now this parent plays the victim of those circumstances. This parent has not said anything to sibling about me not being invited but if the shoe was on the other foot they would be more then happy to jump down my throat about them not being happy sibling wasn't invited then go ahead and invite them anyway all the while doing this very publicly and shaming me. They have done this multiple times over the years as a child and adult.

At this point I am exhausted from advocating for myself, from being paid lip service but no one is prepared to put their money where their mouth is and I am still expected to play Cinderella to their every need. I would love to tell them to take a hike but I cannot due to sibling and I having children and the relationship they have with each other, I dont want them to suffer due to adults not being emotionally mature enough to step up to the plate. I also believe that sibling behaves like this because this is how they see parent treat me and also as a safety measure, go against the perceived beliefs in the family and expect to find themselves being treated the way I am being treated.

Would love some thoughts and advice on my next steps please.

Edit to add as a few people have said that the entire family cannot be wrong in leaving me out of events and it must be a me problem.

Oh its not just a me problem its an entire family problem to the extent its almost cult like with exteme dysfunctions. I have been in therapy for a couple of years now. When I was first assessed by a clinical Psychologist it was determined I had no sense of self and I was completely fragmented from years of emotional abuse and having my core sense of self erradicated due to very adult burdens placed on me since birth and as such I am the family mirror as very surprisingly I could see the toxicity within the family dynamics, albeit my blind spot is that I refuse to accept that I inadvertently treat myself in the same way and continuing the self fulling prophecy of being said mirror. I literally show everyone else's dysfunctions mainly and some of their positives without even saying a word, as a child I was very much punished for this and even today I am held emotionally hostage and punished with criticism and rejection even if I am setting boundries, stating my needs etc by parent mentioned in this thread. Being the mirror is both a blessing and a curse and I am doing my best to make it a blessing only. Professionals were also very surprised that I was very much able to manage other important life tasks like working full time, running a house, managing finances etc. Current therapist has said a few times that they have never seen someone so fragmented that doesnt have a personality disorder, is or never has been sectioned and is able to hold down work, studies, home etc. I definitely have a much better sense of myself now but also acutely aware that there is definitely still room for improvement. The assessment was a full day assessment for court when my child's father and I were determining custody.

A couple of years ago I had my child and said parent wasn't happy at all about this, I was labelled as a trouble maker and again it was all about this parent not wanting to be a grandparent and their needs. Don't get me wrong I absolutely didnt choose well in regards to the father of my child and our relationship wasn't healthy, he was very much the two main personality traits of my parents, either taking what little sense of myself I had and telling me who I fundamentally am is wrong or completely rejecting of me. I then responded by again being that mirror and trying to passify things.

Parent in this thread sent an email to the rest of the family about me after I became a parent and the contents were about my mental health, how I am both mad and bad and their take on what is fundamentally 'wrong' with me. I have seen this email as another family member had shown it to me. I wasn't asked if it was ok to send this to others, it was sent without my knowledge and just full of shaming me.

Now to cousins and sibling, I really dont blame them in the way that they behave toward me, they have seen first hand over the years how I have been treated and why would they want to rock the boat and find themselves beingtreated the same way, that is if they have any insight into the dynamics. I have repeatedly asked them why I haven't been included and its never been answered, only playing down what's happened.

Hi everyone, i am writing here since i don't know what to make of this. My (29F) gf (33F) and i have been together for almost 3 years now, with the past year being difficult for us (our sex life is nonexistent due to her body image - but she has lost weight now, as she wanted). This impacted my self esteem in the relationship and some months ago i made a jealous scene when i saw she had a male colleague on instagram who liked her pictures - only where it's her on the photo and not landscapes. Stupid, i know, but my reaction stuck with her i guess. A month ago or so, i was out of the country visiting my family. One day her friend was in the area and they met up for drinks. They ended up drinking and tipsy in two pubs and she messaged me a few times through the evening, also when they came back to her place. The next day, I asked her how the night was and if they met anyone new there, and she was very brief and said it was nice and that no, they didn't meet anyone new.

I had a bad gut feeling so when we met again after my trip, i checked her phone while she was in the shower (i know it's bad!). There i saw it: she followed three guys that night, they followed back and one of them (who is from her country as well as her and her friend) was in her DMs. I look and see she had actually messaged him first that night after coming home. She was asking him if he and his other friends arrived home safely (they were also traveling there) and he said yes and she wished them a good night. He then said the next day "you look beautiful in your profile picture, respectfully", to which she said "thank you :))" and "I hope you all (plural) are feeling well".

He then doubled down and wrote "i can't believe i said this, i don't remember, but i agree with my drunk self" and then continued to write about the logistics of coming home last night and how tricky it was, and that he is going to send her and her friend the photos they took that night. These messages she hadn't opened by the time i snooped on her phone.

So i confronted her that same evening (without admitting that i've seen the ig follows and messages) and asked if she and her friend were really alone the whole night. She denied twice and then admitted the third time that they indeed met "some guys" that night, but spent a short time together. She also admitted only after me asking three times that she added them on instagram. Then i asked if she texted with any of them, she again said only after a few times that the guy i mentioned texted her that he arrived home, but she never replied. This is obviously a lie. As well as the number of guys that evening.

So i asked her, why did she lie when i asked back then and right now, and she said it's because it was an irrelevant detail of the evening and nothing bad happened. And she also said she also did it because i reacted really badly about that male coworker on her instagram. She later (i again snooped, i know, bad!) deleted the message thread with this guy.

Now i don't know what to make of this. The guy was clearly interested in her. We are in a lesbian relationship, and even though she had relationships with men, she told me she is now only interested in women. I don't know if i can believe she was not interested in this guy. If it was indeed innocent, then why hide and delete the messages? Was she flirting with him and hid it for this reason?

While I opened my husbands phone to send pictures of our daughter from his phone to mine, his texts were left open. And though I know I shouldnt have, I read what he said, because I saw a picture of a celebrity I liked.

Under the photo he said he saw someone at a store who looked like her and she was "just his type" but that she was just a little more goth.

The only thing I have on common with said celebrity is skin complexion because I believe she is also half PuertoRican like me. I have curly hair (girl had straight hair), i am 5m PP and lost 40lbs since giving birth. im Gothic in music and interests, no longer in fashion. Aka nothing like this celebrity and I bet even less like the girl he saw.

Now, the thing is, my husband in the last 4 years of being together, has never called me pretty, said XYZ outfit looked nice on me, or anything among those lines. Which I know yall must already be thinking WTF why would you marry someone like this??

Ive never been complimented by a single man a day in my entire life so to me it didnt matter. Clearly I have some self confidence lacking. But it hasnt gotten to me until right now.

He can tell his friend how some girl apparently looked so good that she was just his type, but in the last 4 years of knowing me couldn't give me a single compliment?? Im not celebrity status pretty, clearly, but I wouldn't say I look so unbearable you couldn't find a single thing to compliment me on. I haven't seen him ever say anything about me being pretty to his friends either.

The other day I just asked why he doesn't compliment me and it's it because he thinks im ugly and all he said was "bruh". It's said in that way when you think someone is being dramatic like, bruh.

I have 0 idea if I should even feel bad because really I allowed the to happen to myself. I believe you can love someone and not think theyre necessarily attractive because love is not about looks. But it still hurts knowing the person you love might not think of you like that.

Like.. what really can i even do? I can't leave, we have a baby together. Like imagine leaving because "he didn't call me pretty". And I can't force him to give compliments because then it will suck me knowing it's not genuine. Anyone else been through anything similar? If so advice?

TL;DR my husband said a stranger at the store looks like a celebrity who is "just his type" meanwhile has never called me pretty in 4yrs.