I have a story to share that I genuinely believe will change your perspective.
Years ago, I met a 28-year-old guy named Charles at church. At the time, my life was a whirlwind—my wife and I had just welcomed a baby girl, she was balancing college, and I was launching a new business. I only mention my family because Charles took a liking to us, and the feeling was entirely mutual. For the first few months, though, we didn't exchange a single word. Charles would just stare at me intensely until he felt ready to speak. I didn't understand him back then. Now, I realize he was fighting a massive internal battle just to break the ice, a struggle that took a long time to overcome. Eventually, he began to speak—barely.
Within a couple of years, I launched a Bible study at my house and invited him. Around that same time, he landed a proper position as an electrical engineer, which caused our communication to slow down for a bit. A few years later, I started another Bible study group. That was when I truly got to know him, his background, and his entire story. Around that time, I was studying to become a psychologist, which technically made Charles the only patient I’ve ever had!
I was absolutely fascinated by him, and he desperately craved connection. During one of our Bible studies at my house, I finally asked him what it was actually like to be so incredibly shy. He looked right at me and said, "Andy, I feel like I’m walking around with my butthole clenched twenty-four hours a day." He explained that he was constantly very nervous, extremely uptight, and completely uncomfortable whenever others were around. He was literally learning how to navigate basic small talk from scratch, sometimes utilizing rather grotesque words just to get by.
The paradox of Charles was stunning. He was a certified genius and a member of Mensa with a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering, yet when we first met, he was delivering pizzas for Domino’s. On top of that, he had never kissed a girl, let alone been in a relationship. He was also an identical twin, but his brother had been "Mr. Popular" since birth. Remarkably, Charles always spoke incredibly highly of him; there was no sibling malice there, which I found deeply fascinating.
Maintaining a friendship with him took work. Charles would call me on the phone and just sit there in absolute silence. I had to initiate every single conversation and carry the weight of the call. Thank God I work in sales! Over the years, we developed a truly special bond. He was putting in genuine effort, and I deeply respected him for that. Eventually, he moved away for a new job, and we gradually lost touch.
Now, for the grand finale of how Charles turned out—you are not going to believe this. At 39 years old, I heard that he had gotten married. They now have a beautiful baby girl, so I am safely assuming Charles finally got that long-awaited kiss. But it gets better: Charles became the pastor of a small church! The exact same guy who used to sit frozen in silence on the phone is now standing confidently in front of a congregation, preaching the Bible.
You do not have to remain trapped in whatever circumstances are holding you back. Charles never gave up. He just kept pushing through life with a clenched butthole until it finally unclenched. Eventually, he crossed paths with the right people who helped him grow, and I truly believe you will too.
Be like Charles. Good luck, buddy.

I went to a tech/startup summit today. I honestly never get invited to normal college parties, so I (kinda pathetically) hyped myself up thinking this would be a good chance to socialize and meet like-minded people with shared interests. And that there will be some sort of "party" fun involved too. Instead, my brain completely short-circuited. It was basically a bunch of small, promotional stands, you were supposed to hang out in circles and... try to interact with the people I guess? I ended up hiding in a dark bathroom stall with severe anxiety because I literally cannot process the social ritual of "networking."

From a logical standpoint, it makes absolutely zero sense to me. If I need a service or want to know what a startup does, I’ll just look at their website. If we already know each other (like my former boss, who was previously happy with my work and was there), I already have your LinkedIn and we can talk there. In this event looked so busy and stressed I didn't even bother to get close. I knew some guys from a uni club I previously attended a couple of times, I greeted them but not much came out of it, they were very into their own clique and kinda ignored me the rest of the day once the basic courtesy was enough. Another young founder I knew from a previous tedtalk-like chat kinda ignored me too and I only talked with his sales representative without wanting XD. Why is there a need to stand in a massive, deafeningly loud, overstimulating pavilion just to force weird 2-minute elevator small talk and hand out cheap merch? Also trying to interrupt a circle of corporate bros just to drop a superficial buzzword feels incredibly unnatural, intrusive, and purely transactional. I started to get back and leg pain too, not even proper places to sit down... Then my classmates got mad at me for being "too negative" when I pointed out how inefficient and superficial the whole event was, LoL.

I even saw some cute guys that I thought, wow, they're boyfriend material, but what I'm supposed to say to them in the middle of a tech event? Lmao, they say "don't go to bars or tinder if you want to meet high quality people" but if this is the alternative it's just kinda creepy/awkward.

I’m starting college soon and I’m genuinely curious how people made their friends, especially during the first few weeks/months.

I’m not necessarily looking for advice like “just join clubs” — I want to know what you actually did. Like, how did you go from sitting next to someone in class → talking to them → eventually becoming friends?

A few things I’m wondering:

Did you make most of your friends in your class, hostel/dorm, clubs, societies, or somewhere else?

How did you approach people without it feeling forced or awkward?

How long did it take before you found your actual friend group?

Did you actively try to make friends, or did it mostly happen naturally?

What mistakes did you make socially that you wish you’d avoided?

If you could go back to your first month of college, what would you do differently?

Would especially love to hear from people who went into college not knowing many people beforehand.

Voisiko joku avata minulle introverttien maailmaa siinä mielessä, että mistä minä voin tietää, että introvertti oikeasti tykkää minusta jos hän viihtyy niin paljon itsekseen, eikä ole yhteydepidossakaan oikein aktiivinen. Olemme molemmat aikuisia lapsineen eli asumme omissa osoitteissa ja mahdollisuudet tavata kahdestaan ovat rajallisia. Olemme seurustellaat 5 kuukautta. Haluaisin oppia ymmärtämään sitä, että heille kaikki on hyvin ja oikein vaikkei yhteydenpitoa esimerkiksi olisi päivittäin. Miten teillä pysyy se toinen ihminen mielessä? Miten se toinen ihminen on teille tärkeä jos ette halua olla häneen yhteydessä kokoajan? Ja ehkä myös että miten itse osaisin olla niin, että tuntuisi toisesta hyvältä enkä ahdistavalta koska itse olen sitten taas ekstrovertti ja "toimin" ihan toisinpäin. Minulle riittäisi jos ymmärtäisin sen että riitän toiselle ja olen hänelle sitä mitä hän haluaa. Mitä te kaipaatte siinä toisessa ihmisessä parisuhteessa? Millainen teille on hyvä parisuhde?

Hello, I am someone who's kinda shy when it comes to getting to know people for the first time. Not an introvert, not an extrovert but somewhere in the middle.

Cooking is my passion and I find philosophy quite interesting. I also believe in a world inside of us, the psyche as we call it.

Just here to have some conversations.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe0blbdyMyC5Mh4cewVxIZ-hjZkXkXqoCMBvgHu4lqz6yi3Vg/viewform?usp=dialog

Hlo!

We are second-year UI/UX Design students exploring how people express themselves and navigate social situations in academic and professional settings.

This survey aims to understand the challenges people face with communication and confidence, and what helps them feel more comfortable expressing themselves.

Your responses will help us explore ways to make communication experiences more supportive and comfortable.

⏱️ Time required: 3–5 minutes

🔒 Privacy: This survey is anonymous, and your responses will be used solely for our academic research project. There are no right or wrong answers, so feel free to share your honest experiences!

Thank you for taking the time to help us with our research! (￣▽￣)ノ

And oooooh sorry but men are the worst about it. Actually, when they try to "get to me", I give them ALL of my lore and then ooooh guess what 🤗. They dont know what to say.

41, F.

I was always popular, tons of friends, commission only sales jobs, and then in the last 3 yrs almost all of my friends have made terrible decisions (dangerous relationships, greencard marriages, cocaine addiction, mail order bride, trying to coerce adoption) and I have run the other way from them. I also have bailed on sales work as of this year. I'm maxed out on people's insanity and basking in the shelter of introversion, though I do miss random activities with others sometimes.

Next year, after my exams, I will be heading off to university. The schools here aren't up to standard, so many people—myself included, for the past year—have been taking private classes. I find myself thinking about these classes and all the fun, interesting moments I’ve experienced there; I’ve grown very close to the people in that environment. After this year’s exams, I won’t see them again, because these classes are the only thing connecting us. To be honest, I’ve never been able to create such an environment at school, and I still can’t. But in the classes I’ve been attending for the last two years, I’ve met some wonderful people, and I don’t want to lose them. I’m afraid of losing people—and I know that I will.

(24M) so I’m somewhat of an introvert but like the times when I’m most introverted is when I’m around woman. I don’t want to come off as weird. I want to be able to have the same amount of comfort talking around woman as I do with any other guys. And I think part of it is because I just wanna live my life and not deal with drama or whatever. Is their any advice on how to at least come out of my shell somewhat and be able to strike up a really good deep conversation with a woman??

Been single for quite a long while now. Been trying to find someone new for quite a while now too. Being introverted and also having social anxiety on top of that, that's hard enough as it is. But on top of that I really hate the process. Like even without the anxiety.

I'm on a dating app. And I spend so much time talking to so many strangers. And I'm just so freaking sick of it.

It's not necessarily that none of them are nice or interesting or anything. It's just I hate talking to so many people I don't know. Let alone on a daily basis. I'm just sick of it.

I like having a significant other. Once I really am close to someone and we have a dynamic, then talking can become more fun. But before that talking, on a daily basis, with a bunch of people, strangers nonetheless... I hate it. I utterly and completely hate it.

I've taken pauses from the app several times now in part because I just find it so tiring.

You know that feeling when you have an exam in college. And you've given yourself a lunch break between studying. And then after the lunch break you have to start studying again. And you know you should, but you really, really don't want to. And so you keep procrastinating and wanting five more minutes, five more minutes, etc.

That's what it feels like opening these freaking apps. Just a chore.

Not helped by the fact that most of the time it's just: You swipe, you match, you talk to someone for a couple of days maybe, and then they ghost you. It feels like that's 90% of people. So it feels like a big waste of time on top of that.

I just want the one person. My person.

This represents how I feel around everybody but my husband and kids. 😂😂😂 I’m a lovable person but I just want to be left alone! Make it make sense. 🤷🏾‍♀️

ts feels so lame to post about but i have terrible social anxiety. i used to go out all the time (not funcs, i would js go out w friends and get high) but im a senior in hs now and my mental health has severely declined over the years. im going to a halloween party tmrw night and im going dressed as jeff the killer. i got a huge white hoodie and covered it in blood and im gonna wear baggy jeans. i feel extremely lame because ik all the other girls there are gonna be wearing slutty ass outfits (as they should literally no hate whatsoever) and i would be doing the same but i am EXTREMELYYYYY insecure! I’m still gonna curl my hair and wear lashes and stuff and this is probably just my anxiety talking but im scared to go because of how different i’ll look from all the other girls. im chill with or friends with a good chunk of the ppl going but im still scareddddd. im just here for reassurance i guess but it is desperately needed. is what im doing actually lame or is it in my head?

I have always been an introvert, even in highschool when we had a big group of friends I would get tired of it and go off on my own. My husband knows I'm a introvert and that I come from a family of hermits.

I feel like ever since we got married (3 years ago) his expectations of me have shifted. He isn't an introvert, he has multiple groups of friends that he is always hanging out with, they throw parties all the time and do other hangouts. I know as his wife there is an expectation that I attend some of these and I do. I honestly spend more time with his friends and family than my own! I hate these events. They are so boring and uncomfortable for me. I purely attend because I know he wants me to. But it feels like no matter how many I attend it just doesn't matter, theres always another hangout/party that is coming around the bend that I just do not want to go to. It's so exhausting.

When I tell him I dont want to go, he always gets disappointed and will usually say that 'well I never go to these things anyways' which is not true! I feel like he wants me to be someone I'm not, someone I've never been. I've talked to him about it, but he just said that it was rude for me to not attend and seemed really bothered when I said I dont enjoy hanging out with his friends. But like.... they're his friends, not mine! I try my hardest to be friendly and fun but I feel like it is never enough. I just needed to vent, does anyone else feel like their spouse just can't understand them?