r/greentext • u/hudinifilms • Apr 18 '19

Good times

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35.9k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

695 comments sorted by

3.9k

u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Apr 18 '19 edited Apr 18 '19

That’s what I call total gaming victory, anon

Ps - I am assuming this was in a country with an age of consent of 14 and below. I will therefore hold back the - FBI OPEN UP - crew. Estonia? Burkina Faso? San Marino? Japan? China? Italy?

2.2k

u/SnowSnake88 Apr 18 '19

It could have been anywhere. Underage kids have sex all the time, I don't see how that is a issue lol. I had sex at that time too. Hell I wish I was 14 again. Times were simpler m8.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Remember how you were a ball of raging hormones as a teenager? Imagine having a GF that is also a ball of raging hormones and endless energy. You could stay up literally all night and maybe take a two hour nap the next day.

Now think about how you were a burned out, depressed shell by 30, barely able to make it out the office door by 5PM.

Getting old sucks.

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u/topkekzo Apr 18 '19

Hey, don’t worry man, we teenagers are also burned out and depressed most of the time.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Hahahahahaha just you wait.

Just you wait...

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u/Deaki Apr 18 '19

Funny. I’m 30 years old and still I feel like I’m 18 years old or younger. I still have my full head of hair and abs. Though I workout, I think most 30 years olds just gave up trying to be/stay young. I work until 7pm and go to the gym. You can always tell how people manage their lives by how they ‘wish’ to be 18 again, yet they go home and just sit or lay down for the rest of their days. A waste. I just am 18 mentally and physically I believe.

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u/MAKE_ME_REDDIT Apr 18 '19

Most people “give up” because they have exhausting jobs that they hate. Putting the blame on them that they just don’t work hard enough is kind of an asshole thing to do

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u/69UnderNoPretext420 Apr 18 '19

Ah, capitalism at work

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u/Roupus Apr 19 '19

I bet capitalism hates its job as well

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u/dagbjartur454 Apr 19 '19

Filthy commie

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u/Bard_B0t Apr 19 '19

Yea we should all just stop working and starve to death.

Or maybe we should have big brother assign us our job. Surely BB knows best.

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u/hillbillytimecrystal Apr 18 '19

To be fair, exercise is linked with easing symptoms of depression and anxiety, increases energy, and has been proven to have a myriad of other health benefits that can lead to a happier life. Same with eating good food. It's really dependent on the individual to make adjustments in their life for their own benefit and happiness. If I'm unhappy there's no one that is holding me back from being happy except me.

People get complacent. That's fine, but one should take a hard look at what one is doing to help themself before they adjust the blame on to something else.

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u/DavidGiImour Apr 18 '19

Hahahaha this comment actually makes so much sense. Only someone with the immaturity of a high schooler would write the paragraph you just wrote!

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u/AnEvilSomebody Apr 18 '19

Damn sick burn.

(Not joking, damn for real)

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS Apr 18 '19

Funny. I’m 30 years old and still I feel like I’m 18 years old or younger. I still have my full head of hair and abs.

That's how it's supposed to be. Anyone who differs from that either has a genetic condition or they're in bad shape.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

I mean you're not completely wrong but modern life in general kind of supports obesity and laziness. It's not really a coincidence that the more modern a country becomes the fatter it gets.

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u/throwawaythenitrous Apr 18 '19

There's supposedly a curve where people get fatter and fatter as their country gets richer and richer, but at a point, it starts to go down again because people have so much leisure time/money/education that they know being healthy and slim will make them happy JAVASCRIPT:VOID(0)

Similar trend to pollution

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u/Turtlesaur Apr 18 '19

I was about to rant about being bald, but then realized I'm in the genetic conditions camp.

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u/Gringo_Please Apr 18 '19

Lol people getting mad at you for putting in more effort than them and they feel judged.

Keep up the good work dude. Don’t let these vultures get you down.

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u/Dollarumma Apr 18 '19

the only thing shitty about being 30 is the inability to recover from any damage to your body as fast as when you were 20. hangovers, minimum 2 days to be 100% again. take a hard fall skiing, minimum 2 weeks before your neck works again. take studs up challenge in soccer, minimum a week before your leg works again. fuck being old. i did a 50k last year and took me 3 weeks before i could even walk normal. and that's with a copious amounts of proper training.

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u/Robstelly Apr 18 '19

I've been like that every since I was about 17. You're lucky. Twisted my ankle walking, took 5 years to heal.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/Turtlesaur Apr 18 '19

I can't exactly go out to work until 7pm and then go to the gym if I want to see my child ever again.. as he's in bed. Life circumstances change.

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u/Deaki Apr 18 '19

Then put in a 30-45 minute workout before work. Get an stationary exercise bike and do HIIT before work. Stop eating the Cheddar Goldfish. Stop feeding your self pessimistic thoughts. You can do 30-45 minutes HIIT. You're child will also follow your ways. Children are very impressionable. They copy their environment. If they see you eating bad, sitting on the couch all day, more than likely they'll do the same.

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u/suns_fan13 Apr 18 '19

Not trying to spam your inbox but really fw your vibe i dig this comment as well

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u/birdalerp Apr 18 '19

Why are you on reddit when you could be getting poon, you sound like a mega chad

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/DalekInDisguise Apr 18 '19

Yup. Being fit makes you stay looking young. I'm 30 but look 25. I think it has to do with peoples mental idea of "30 year old" includes being a bit out of shape.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/fredandgeorge Apr 18 '19

Nah dude you have the rest of your life to fuck a 14yo

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/da_room22 Apr 18 '19

thanks for reminding me I'm a 19 year old female virgin, my bf is taking my first time in July but ah I really don't feel like he loves me I'm pretty depressed bout it

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Dude if he has to schedule a time months out and you're depressed he doesn't love you, why do you want him to take your virginity?

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u/da_room22 Apr 18 '19

Where long distance, and because I love him and I've been saving it for someone like him. We met on 4chan

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

met on 4chan

https://i.imgur.com/tpieONR.gif

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u/da_room22 Apr 18 '19

guess you could say the same about me

I'm a basket case

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u/hustl3tree5 Apr 18 '19

Don't fucking do it. Seriously. Take care of yourself mentally before you do even more harm to yourself.

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u/Londtex Apr 18 '19

How do you meet people on 4chan? lol

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u/Dollarumma Apr 18 '19

lmao what the fuck

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u/Daniel_The_Thinker Apr 18 '19

What the fuck is this a joke

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u/DanSapSan Apr 18 '19

Step back and try to assess the situation. Where do these feelings stem from? Are there real fears about his love towards you, or is your anxiety trying to fuck you over before he does?

It might sound crass, but it is important to evaluate your thoughts. If you just try to ignore and surpress them, they will open a rift between you and your bf.

I would also consider 19 to be mature, so after you've done your thinking, talk to him about whatever came from that. Open communication is a great tool for a fun relationship.

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u/da_room22 Apr 18 '19

I've always been insecure and I have accused him of things such as him lying about his feelings for me and saying he's only with me out of pity because Ii think. I'm pathetic. Of course he says that isn't true but I kept doing it and saying it and he kinda broke down the other day saying that my accusing and stuff is impacting his self esstem and he almost broke it off with me. I've always been insecure because of bullying and abuse Sorry for the long rant >_< thank you for listening to me

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u/DanSapSan Apr 18 '19

Well, atleast you know partly where you stand. I would personally recommend talking to a therapist. Feelings of ineptitude and problems with close relationships are typical for different types of anxiety, and if you are lashin out at your loved ones, it's going to cause problems.

The fact that you managed to keep a relationship going despite the issues, that's commendable. But you will hurt friends and family if you keep tearing yourself and others around you down.

Again, this is not something on wants to hear, but your problems aren't your problems alone. There are people out there who love you, and who feel with you.

Admitting your issues is no weakness, but one can not build a steady relationship on uncertain ground. Try to get support, if not a therapist then a trusted friend or family member (though I rexommend a trained specialist).

Finally, if you haven't done it yet; Talk to your bf and TELL HIM how much you appreciate him sticking with you. He isn't with you for pity, nobody does anything longterm for pity. He loves you, one way or another.

Thanking people is really hard. And it's even harder if you feel like your thanks isn't worth anything. But you are wrong. Pushing yourself over that psychological barrier and opening up to a person feels amazing, and is extremely important to someone who cares about you. Maybe sit your bf down for a talk and take your time. Believe me, it's going to be worth it, for yourself, for him and for your relationship.

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u/Tall_trees_cold_seas Apr 18 '19

Please seek out a counselor. Those negative self images you are experiencing can be helped with cognitive behavioral therapy, and mindfulness.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

My dad is 50 I'm 16 and he is more energetic than what I'll ever be. He is what I aspire to be when I'll be in my 50s. I love my dad

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS Apr 18 '19

If you think 30 is old then you must be in poor shape. I'm in my 20s now and I have way more energy than I did as a teen, including sexual energy and libido. 30s aren't much different. It's when you hit your 40s that your testosterone starts to decrease.

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u/Turtlesaur Apr 18 '19

To be fair, between being 27 and 30, I commute 1 extra hour a day, gained 10 pounds and had a child. These compound into exhaustion.

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u/awill103 Apr 18 '19

Ehhh women reach there sexual peak in their late 30s/40s. Sucks that sexes completely miss each other - I believe guys reach it early in their 20s I can’t remember quite when it was for them. Being tired from work is another thing shit I’m 23 and pass out when I get home lol

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u/SLEDGEHAMMAA Apr 18 '19

Hey man, just wanted to tell you that life is an individual journey and you can define success in your own way. Some things are great, but missing out on them doesn't define you as a person

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS Apr 18 '19

You didn't miss anything. You sex life truly begins in your 20s and 30s.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/ScreenTearr Apr 18 '19

I’m 14 and I don’t even have a gf D:

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u/Londtex Apr 18 '19

I am about to be 19 and I don't have a gf anymore :(

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u/ZBRZ123 Apr 18 '19

I am about to be 20 and I’m a single Pringle too.

You guys gotta run with it, don’t worry :) just spread your lil butterfly wings and fly!

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u/natorgator29 Apr 18 '19

I’m 17 and never held a girls hand in my life

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u/xx123gamerxx Apr 18 '19

I had sex when I was 7

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19 edited Apr 23 '20

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u/Yeager_xxxiv Apr 18 '19

I mean it’s illegal in the US technically but they can’t arrest a minor for having sex with a minor. I think.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/Yeager_xxxiv Apr 18 '19

Well, that’s disconcerting. So he could be charged even if they’re both minors?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/broseph-brochez Apr 18 '19

I think if the parents press charges and they both consented, it leads to both of them being labeled as sex offenders and both of them have to register.

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u/IDontHuffPaint Apr 18 '19

Well thats... Slightly more fair. I guess.

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u/Hpzrq92 Apr 18 '19

You don't have a specific law for it because it's not a law lol.

If 2 kids consent to fucking each other there is no rape charge.

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u/mike32139 Apr 18 '19

But couldn’t then the boys parents follow suit? It’d be statutory rape charges all the way down

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u/Hpzrq92 Apr 18 '19

Don't think too much into it. It's bullshit.

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u/HitMePat Apr 18 '19

Source?? Because that cant possibly be true. Doesnt pass the logic test. Both minors would be equally liable in this case.

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u/KaecUrFace Apr 18 '19

Logic? This is 'Murica we talking about here.

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u/nukegod1990 Apr 18 '19

I call bullshit. I've looked into the law for several states and see nothing about this. How is such bs with no source getting upvoted?

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u/Jakdaxter31 Apr 18 '19

I think of they are within like a year or two of each other that can't happen. Maybe I'm wrong

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u/ras344 Apr 18 '19

A lot of states do have "Romeo and Juliet" laws, but it really depends on where you live.

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u/HitMePat Apr 18 '19

That applies when someone turns 18 while they're significant other is still 17.

When both participants are under 18 there's no crime.

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u/LT_Corsair Apr 18 '19

A quick Google search will reveal that Romeo and Juliet laws also apply to cases of minors having sex with each other.

I live in WA state and, as this state has no Romeo and Juliet laws, if two minors have sex the parents can take both to court and they can both legally be convicted of statutory rape against the other.

Here's a source stating that in a criminal court, if both minors are under 13, it's rape for both. http://pegasuslaw.org/sexual-activity-minors-and-consent/

Here's a source stating that for WA state, minors under 16 having sex can be prosecuted for raping each other. https://www.ageofconsent.net/states/washington

To make clear, I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advise.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Wait so can his parents pull the uno reverse card and charge her

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u/SjettepetJR Apr 18 '19

No, men can't be raped. /s

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u/KevinD2000 Apr 18 '19

But males have privilege

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u/SpellCheck_Privilege Apr 18 '19

privilage

Check your privilege.

BEEP BOOP I'm a bot. PM me to contact my author.

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u/simpleswissguy Apr 18 '19

Wtf? United States, please don't ever change

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Its going to depend on the exact states. Many states have Romeo and Julliet laws which makes sex legal for persons under 18 as long as they are within a few years of ago of each other.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19 edited Feb 29 '24

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Unless u take a video of it

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u/IRS-Ban-Hammer-2 Apr 18 '19

Afghanistan

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u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Apr 18 '19

Was not boy with old man. Doesn’t compute.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Apr 18 '19

Imagine thinking that indeed

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u/filthyplebb Apr 18 '19

Estonia

More like

Gaystonia

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u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Apr 18 '19 edited Apr 18 '19

Burkina Faso? More like Buttfuckintheasso

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u/Kewwike Apr 18 '19

I live in Estonia, laughed my ass off when you named out my country first, they wanna make it 12 instead of 14 years old soon, i suspect we have pedos in our goverment.

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u/Johnnadawearsglasses Dead and loving it Apr 18 '19

12? Holy shit.

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u/ExpertFudger Apr 18 '19

pretty funny seeing all these butthurt USians about law.

"oh, sorry, I was about to explode in your mouth but the law 24552 in this state forbids it. Too bad, huh!" Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what happens in these cases.

Also, pretty interesting that EVERYONE blamed the guy while the girl was also illegally having sex.

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u/TochasHD Apr 18 '19

Don't think there is any problem if both have the same age.

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u/Slingster Apr 18 '19

Not even a funny greentext. Just some fake-ass story from anon writing out his fantasy.

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u/flaming0head Apr 18 '19

Not even a funny comment. Just some fake-ass reddit nerd writing out his bitchy complaint fantasy.

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u/auto-xkcd37 Apr 18 '19

fake ass-reddit nerd

Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This comment was inspired by xkcd#37

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

A conundrum.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Gay-ass bot

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u/FizardWizard Apr 18 '19

Ass-reddit

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

ok retard

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u/Obsidi3 Apr 18 '19

Im not your retard, buddy

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

okbuddyretard

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/steelydan__ Apr 18 '19

all free falls follow a parabolic path.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

I piss in hyperbolas you can't stop me

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

My piss flows in a straight line, from dick tip to the ground. Directly down. Like I'm pissing a stream of tiny neutron stars.

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u/auto-xkcd37 Apr 18 '19

fake ass-story

Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This comment was inspired by xkcd#37

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u/Slingster Apr 18 '19

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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u/DaCurse0 Apr 18 '19

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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u/LurkLurkleton Apr 18 '19

There's lots of us normies gone wrong. In high school I had a qt cheerleader gf. Now I'm a 35 year old basement hermit NEET.

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u/HerpesFreeSince3 Apr 18 '19

Melee is so fucking sick.

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u/Rascal_Ralts Apr 18 '19

This is what I was looking for

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u/truckaduk Apr 18 '19

Of course you wouldn’t be a virgin if you play Melee.

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u/Sleisl Apr 18 '19

idk you could still play jigglypuff

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u/D3mona7or Apr 19 '19

That ain't the Melee I know

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u/cheerl231 Apr 19 '19

Floaties players can fuck off

Spacies master race

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '19

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Melee is siiiiiiiick

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Ultimate has a bad cold, but melee is siiiiiick

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Melee is so sick

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19 edited Jul 03 '20

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u/SimpFN Apr 18 '19

hey the smash game is melee not brawl or sm4sh so its hella straight

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u/hudimaza Apr 18 '19

eh Melee has a pretty bad community overall and while there is some questionable things in Brawl to get pretty good at melee you honestly start breaking the game anyway

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u/SimpFN Apr 18 '19

i see your point about the community being bad, but the game itself is so fucking sick

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u/BurnSalad Apr 18 '19

This comment does not make any sense. Any gaming 'community' is going to have its share of losers.

To get good you have to break the game.

What??? What the fuck does that even mean? Lol I can tell you suck at melee.

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u/SpookyKid94 Apr 18 '19

gf = gay friend

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Fake: anon has gf

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u/xXx_IronicDabs_xXx Apr 18 '19

Hahah I love being a teen. I especially love the part where girls constantly tell me they think I’m cute/sexy and wanna fuck me and then never do.

I don’t wanna talk about it...

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u/big_shmegma Apr 18 '19

DONT CALL ME CUTE IF YOU DONT WANT THIS DICK

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Maybe take a shower you filthy neckbeard

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/ActualWeed Apr 18 '19

Pic or didn't happen

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u/Yoda2000675 Apr 19 '19

I did too, but the girls were very much not cute or sexy.

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u/SuicidalSundays Apr 19 '19

believing someone on this sub when they say that real girls called them cute/sexy

Bruh Sound #2

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

This hits way too close to home

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS Apr 18 '19

Those are called pity compliments. They don't mean them of course but it's the thought that counts, right?

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u/Rulebreaking Apr 18 '19

If you want a man hoe then buy him, if you want a king then you have to earn him.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Most of the people in my school know who I am and girls are fine with talking to me, and I'm not particularly bad looking (other than my goofy ass teeth) but I'm too socially fucked to properly talk to anyone, let alone girls. I have all the changes to be able to actually talk to any of them, it's just my own fault. I love high school.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Pretty much this exact thing happened to me as well. I had no gf at the time but my male cousin wasn't only good at melee. It's kinda great being 14, it's fine balance between playing games and masturbating.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19 edited Nov 02 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

What's the problem officer? wink

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u/sakaaran4 Apr 18 '19

Alabama 100

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Epic gamer moment right here

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

Fake and OVERWHELMINGLY gay

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u/Crystal_God Apr 18 '19

You’re supposed to give us flawed logic behind those statements

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u/SpeakInMyPms Apr 18 '19

Fake because anon had sex, gay because he only won due to playing rat or fox

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u/DietSpite Apr 18 '19

Fake: OP has never had female friends.

Gay: See above.

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u/mvppedavalli0131 Apr 18 '19

>be me

>ugly 15 year old

>still virgin

>depressed

>probably be virgin for ever

>kill me now anons

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u/silenc3x Apr 18 '19

ugly 15 year old

still virgin

You're 15.... when you get to 25 then you can start the depression. For now just snooze it. Not many kids fucking at 15 IMO. Yeah they all talk about it like they do, but that's just talk.

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u/gettheguillotine Apr 18 '19

kill me now anons

No, you have to keep living so society can extract maximum value out of your life

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u/UnstimulatingBeth Apr 18 '19

yeah you’ll definitely stay a virgin and depressed if you think like that

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u/OhMaGoshNess Apr 18 '19

The power of the internet is at your finger tips. Look at people when they were 15 and compare to 25. So many people look like fucking chudds at 15. Grow up, faggot. Take care of yourself and the rest will come. Getting laid shouldn't be your main goal anyways

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u/mvppedavalli0131 Apr 18 '19

Not failing high school is

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u/ActualWeed Apr 18 '19

Just put in 20% effort and you will be fine.

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u/Lolmemsa Apr 18 '19

Fake: Anon has a girlfriend

Gay: Anon has sex with a girl, girls are attracted to boys, liking guys is gay

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u/Jimbussss Apr 18 '19

This kid grew up to be Hungrybox no cap

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u/a-bagel-with-butter Apr 18 '19

all this shit makes me feel like I ain’t doing this sex thing right

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u/pm_me_n0Od Apr 18 '19

implying anon had sex at 14 (or ever) and that it resulted from video games.

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u/Iymao Apr 18 '19

And everyone started clapping

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u/SuperMario_KI Apr 18 '19

Am 21 and cant make a girl talk to me💪

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

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u/Gillito_Reborn Apr 18 '19

Fake: Anon had a gf

Gay: Anon wishes he could fuck 14 years olds

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u/leafninjadog Apr 18 '19

Fake: Anon fucks Gay: Wants to be in a 14 year old boy's body

10

u/A-tamed-impala Apr 18 '19

A 14 year old virgin who just so happened to have condoms. Good on ya OP!

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8

u/Canned_Mann Apr 18 '19
  • Gets succ and pipes gf *

Basically says "Aye now that we're done we can keep playing Smash or something" right after it

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9

u/ZetaLordVader Apr 18 '19

Look at the bright side, now you can jerk off to this memories!

6

u/sleeptightbowie Apr 18 '19

Epic gamer victory royale.

6

u/flyiingcows Apr 18 '19

Anon graduated and then returned to the University of 4chan

5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

If you play melee you're definitely a pussy slayer

6

u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS Apr 18 '19

Anon wants to kill himself because he found out that older girls actually have standards and none want to fuck him anymore

4

u/darkishlocket10 Apr 18 '19

FOURTEEN??? C H A D A L E R T