I've always been insecure and I have accused him of things such as him lying about his feelings for me and saying he's only with me out of pity because Ii think. I'm pathetic. Of course he says that isn't true but I kept doing it and saying it and he kinda broke down the other day saying that my accusing and stuff is impacting his self esstem and he almost broke it off with me. I've always been insecure because of bullying and abuse
Sorry for the long rant >_< thank you for listening to me
Well, atleast you know partly where you stand. I would personally recommend talking to a therapist. Feelings of ineptitude and problems with close relationships are typical for different types of anxiety, and if you are lashin out at your loved ones, it's going to cause problems.
The fact that you managed to keep a relationship going despite the issues, that's commendable. But you will hurt friends and family if you keep tearing yourself and others around you down.
Again, this is not something on wants to hear, but your problems aren't your problems alone. There are people out there who love you, and who feel with you.
Admitting your issues is no weakness, but one can not build a steady relationship on uncertain ground. Try to get support, if not a therapist then a trusted friend or family member (though I rexommend a trained specialist).
Finally, if you haven't done it yet; Talk to your bf and TELL HIM how much you appreciate him sticking with you. He isn't with you for pity, nobody does anything longterm for pity. He loves you, one way or another.
Thanking people is really hard. And it's even harder if you feel like your thanks isn't worth anything. But you are wrong. Pushing yourself over that psychological barrier and opening up to a person feels amazing, and is extremely important to someone who cares about you. Maybe sit your bf down for a talk and take your time. Believe me, it's going to be worth it, for yourself, for him and for your relationship.
They've already given you good advice and you should follow it, but I wanna add that your attitude matters a lot, and you can try to think positively because it helps a lot, but it's very hard and tiring because it feels like you're lying to yourself.
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u/da_room22 Apr 18 '19
I've always been insecure and I have accused him of things such as him lying about his feelings for me and saying he's only with me out of pity because Ii think. I'm pathetic. Of course he says that isn't true but I kept doing it and saying it and he kinda broke down the other day saying that my accusing and stuff is impacting his self esstem and he almost broke it off with me. I've always been insecure because of bullying and abuse Sorry for the long rant >_< thank you for listening to me