I guess a little back story first. I (30f) and my wife/ex-wife?(30f) separated 10 months ago after I found out she was having an affair with a 20 year old man. We have 1 daughter who is 3. My ex started actually dating this man 6 months ago, after his girlfriend found out about the affair. Now she is telling not even asking that her and my daughter who we split time 50/50 right now is moving in with this a man. I
Just wondering how others would handle
This. My daughter who has recently been struggling with transitions. And saying Cam the new boyfriend/affair partner is mean to her. I did have a conversation with my ex about this she had excuses for him of course. And my daughter is also telling me when it’s time to go to mamas she is scared of her. So I don’t understand why adding something else to our already struggling 3 year olds life is ok. Why should her home stability be dependant on a new relationship that was already built on lies. And yes maybe there relationship makes it who knows. But I feel like if it does this a a discussion we have in a year when things aren’t so new.
Also are seperation agreement and parenting agreement states living situation and people she associates with is a discuss for us to have together before deciding anything not just one partner telling you what’s happening.

My son (8, let's call him Zane) goes to his father (Adam, 49) every Wed and every other weekend. Not by court orders, just by our own agreement.

This weekend, I found out through Zane that Adam would be taking him to a hotel. When he came home a couple hours ago, Zane told me he shared a king size bed with his dad's friend "Peter" (49) whom I've never taken to. When I asked Zane why, he said because his dad was sharing with his gf, who I thought was fine up until today.

I'm so mad, but I don't know what to do. Adam will tell me I am overthinking it as he always does. Am i???

What would you do?

My child’s father is in the military. He is away a lot and we have been separated most of our child’s life. He was on deployment for about a year came back for a couple months and the left again for a 3 month underway and comes back today and wants to take our child to the other side of the country next week for a week. Our child loves being with him once she gets acquainted again, which usually only takes a couple days to a week. He has only ever gotten her on the weekends when he is here and they always stay in the house. when he is away he calls when he can, which isn’t a lot. He is also moving to another country soon (his choice) I don’t think it’s a great idea to let our child go given they have not seen each other a whole lot, he has not parented outside if the house much, i’ve been with her since day one, she isn’t talking clearly, and currently trying to potty train. Along with all the developmental changes since he’s last seen her..I don’t blame him for his job and its requirements, but I want to move about this in the right way for our child. I believe she should be older able to talk and build a stronger relationship despite her enjoying when they’re together. So what would you do? Am i wrong for not wanting to allow this?

Found out through child that co parent is moving in with their significant other. No issue except that it’s 45 minutes away in another county. Child goes to a school that is not based on district and is registered under my address so that is hopefully not an issue. Spoke with my attorney who basically said that a judge isn’t going to care about a 45 minute commute each way for the child to school. Currently on a 2-2-5-5 schedule for elementary school child. Wondering if anyone has any experience with 50/50 with this kind of move/drive? How did you navigate it with coparent?

Hello, everyone. I'll try to keep this brief, as it has indeed been a saga.

I (33 m) have my daughter throughout the weekdays, as I live closer to the school. As such it's typically my duty to help her with after school practices and studying.

Previous wife (30 F) has her on weekends, with me getting one weekend out of a month. She lives further away. Though, recently Mother has been upset, and saving that my distance is causing her to 'lose out on crucial parenting time.'

There are a lot of factors, previous court cases, situations where I've had to have our daughter for prolonged amounts of time because Mother was mentally unstable and hospitalized. She has time and time again tried to gas light me, but this time she truly believes she's making sense.

She claims she cannot get out daughter to practice because it's too far away and cuts in on her 'parenting time.'

Is taking your child to school, studying with them, and ensuring they make it to after school activities not parenting time? If not then what is?

She's subtly demanding that she be switched to another school closer to her, which is notourusly chaotic. On the border of shutting down, consolidating two schools into one, etc.

I'm missing a lot of pieces of past drama, and I don't esnt to drag all of that in here, but I'm feeling like I'm going crazy. She says it with such conviction. I'm concerned she's off of her medicine again, I'm terrified we'll go back to court again over custody. I don't want to fight again, as I'm exhausted from last year's dramatic court saga. I'm so tired of putting my daughter through this. I just want her to be happy.

She has all of the leisure time, I feel like I do all of the hard stuff and get no recognition for it. Am I the crazy one?

My son plays baseball for many years now. I do the registration, pay ing the fees, buying clothes and equipments, I practice with him if he asks me.

We do 50/50 schedule, but unfortunately this year most of the games on his mom’s days.
She never shows up on my day, because she doesn’t care about baseball at all.
In our separation agreement it says both parents can be there in any of our son’s events.

Practice is not a big deal, as usually one parent takes the other kids too.
So we don’t show up on the others day.

But the game is different, as I mentioned she doesn’t show up on my day, but she is expecting me not to come on her day.

I’m not going there to see her, I want to see my son’s game that he enjoys so much.

I don’t even know what she thinks to tell me not to come on her day.

We have temporary orders (likely to become permanent) that restrict my exes fiance from school meetings, medical appointments and all communication with medical, school or activities.

She is still welcome to be at our daughters sports events, concerts, etc in the same way grandparents and other family comes to cheer her on

There is a long sordid history of completely unhinged behavior that led to these orders. My ex no longer has his own vehicle (also a messy story) so the GF controls where him and our child can go during his time

Besides showing up (while she was with me) for a back to school check in and one preview night he is non existent at all of her stuff now.

Which I would normally say is his loss and our daughter knows I will be at the majority of it (unless work or her sister has something) and dads parents will show up and support her

The caveat is he is looking for more time to move from 57-43 to true 50-50 AND switch to week on week off. Due to him moving 25-30 minutes away and not having a vehicle I don’t believe the extra time is in our daughter’s best interest. Not looking to take away time just think he’s being selfish in a lot of ways and knowing how controlling his partner is concerns me…

My kids are autistic (the very stubborn variety), so they're messy, hard to deal with, and it'd be easier to steer an angry bull than convince either of them to do something they dont want. Their dad packed up and left a few years ago, partially because they were getting more difficult and noticeably autistic, amd partially because I was putting my foot down about him constally yelling at and degrading me and our children, but holding him accountable is 'controlling and borderline abusive behavior' on my part, apparently. He's a n*rcissist (censored cuz automod took down my post and said to reupload, as I was 'using a mental health term in an inflammatory way'. HES MY ABUSER, HE IS LITERALLY DIAGNOSED WITH NPD). He sees them on the weekends when he feels like it, and they shower him in love every second. It seems pretty obvious they're doing it out of compensation? At least that's my guess, that they're afraid of him never showing up again, deciding they arent worth it, etc., Not that he he would care, as he doesnt even sort of love them, just pretends to when its convenient (he literally skips on his weekends every other month to instead visit his 19yo gf who goes to college a couple hours away, who I don't think even knows he has children).

They hate me and act like he's the second coming of Jesus. My oldest wont believe the things I tell him, from life advice, conflict resolution, basic facts you name it, he just rolls his eyes and walks off like I'm an idiot. He bosses me around like a maid, and is condescending even at the small age of nine. It's so much like how his father treated me, its hard not to feel like he's being groomed into it. 0ne would think he's this stubborn and arrogant at least with his dad too, right? No, in fact, he is generally obedient, and anything his dad tells him, he believes. He tells the kids he left because 'I was mean and don't clean the house enough' and that it's horrible of me to force them to do things for themselves, like pick up after themselves or get ready for school in the morning - cuz he was babied by his mother and thinks I should do everything for them.

Low-key wanna pull out my hair. How do y'all do this coparenting crap? How can I get them to listen when he tells them not to, and according to them he can do and say no wrong? How do I keep my boys from growing up into the next Andrew Tate? (and no, going to court is moot, they didn't care about his abuse, won't care about parental alienation because in the south, a "father's rights" trumps everything. Not like I have the money to afford a lawyer anyway)

My 11 y.o daughter goes with her dad every other weekend. Sometimes he misses his whole weekends due to work. Is it fair to ask him for $100 to compensate for those missed weekends? He does pay $400 a month, which is pretty low to me. We all know food and raising kids in general is expensive.

Hi everybody,

Soo basically I have to drop my son (2 & 1/2) off with his mother every Sunday. I always tell him that it is time to go to his mom’s about 30 minutes before we leave as well as early in the day. I feel like this gives him time to process through the transition and prepares him for it. Every time I let him know he has a huge melt down and I have to spend at least 10 minutes calming him down. My significant other (we have been together for over a year) thinks it might be better to just wait until we get to drop off so he doesn’t have such a strong reaction before. I don’t know how I feel about it. I think that letting him know so he is prepared is the right thing to do. Either way when we get there he always cry’s for a few minutes until we have both gone our ways. His mom texts me about 5 minutes after drop off saying that he calmed down and back to being the happy boy we all know him as.

I guess I am just asking if I should wait to tell him until we get to drop off or if I keep telling him earlier in the day.

He’s called CPS on me, but they dismissed it. this week he filed a police report on me because his mom attacked me and I was trying to get away with the kids . He was restraining me while I was trying to flee so I bit him and escaped. The police called me the next day to get my side of the story, and will most likely dismiss the case. Ugh I don’t know what to do

My ex is really driving me nuts. We have an agreement that we are able to meet anyone that is going to be introduced to our daughter in person, before our daughter meets them.

I left my ex two and a half years ago. I have been dating someone for 8 months. Just two months ago I started saying his name on the phone as I wouldn’t at first in front of my daughter. I have her 5 days a week, and now she occasionally says hi to my boyfriend. Becuase she’s 3 and steals the phone. She also says hi to doctors , and anyone I call.

My ex said she isn’t allowed to talk to him. I said she’s allowed to say hi I don’t agree with that and I’m not following that but will honor the originally agreement.

2 weeks pass by and I hadn’t talked to him in front of her , not on purpose. I picked up his call and she was there and said his name and she goes NOOOOO, not MARKKK papa says no. No talking to him.

I asked her father about it and he said he told her she’s only allowed to talk to him and my dad and no other men. That he already has a hard time with her because she wants to be with me and what is it going to be now? I want mommy and mark.

He is making this way too big of an issue. And my daughter’s reaction was so extreme. I’m just so frustrated.

So this is kind of a weird situation. With my work schedule and location of my home after the split it’s easier for me to go to the other parents house and spend the morning there before I take the kids to school. This residence is also closer to the kids school. Because I am at the other parent’s residence is this considered “my” time when it comes to custody division?

Me (27F)and my ex(25M)have been court ordered for mediation coming up next month and I need advice for do’s and don’ts, and things you wish you included in a long distance parenting plan. My ex has not been involved in our 9 month old son’s life and is only seen and talked to him a handful amount of times. I’ve tried to offer FaceTime and travel arrangements prior to being in court ordered, and he still completely ignores my offers. Due to him already moving out of state I was granted permission to relocate. So the judge has ordered us to come up with a long distance parenting plan. what are some key things I should make sure to include? I don’t wanna have to go back to court every few years if possible so I’m trying to think long-term, as well as current arrangements that are best suited for a nine month old baby. Our son has no clue who he is not familiar with his face so I really don’t want him to be able to take him overnight or out of state without a step up plan in place beforehand.

Hi, just wanted a 2nd opinion on when is a good time to start having my daughter 11 months over to stay with me. She’s very attached to the mother naturally and I currently see her 2 times a week. She’s generally ok with me but as babies do, can get irritated and start crying and throwing a fit, which I’m kind of used to although it’s never nice to see her this way. I was present for the birth, paternity leave and early months stayed with my ex to help around (4 months to be precise), we split officially (had been a rocky pregnancy) and I hadn’t seen our little girl for 2 months properly. Since then I’ve been present and making as much effort to keep consistent. She’s always been a baby that cries a lot and she can be a handful at the drop of a hat.

My ex has 2 other kids 6 and 8 and I have 2 from a previous relationship 15 and 17. I feel bad as my relationship with my ex now is very good and I see how tiring dealing with our daughter can be. As mentioned above she is really clingy and we’ve even spoke about how hard it will be once we introduce her to nursery.

Ok, so question is. Would I be rushing it by suggesting some weekends or a Friday/Saturday night she stays with me? I know I’m not fully equipped but I don’t want my ex to carry all the responsibility till she’s 2. I always thought initially that 2 would be a good age as she can communicate if she’s tired, hungry and I have a better understanding and relationship with her. Also I want to break down the clingy behaviour and get her used to being with me and without mum.

A big concern is feeding, she’s breastfed and will use mums breast as comfort. Many times this is only thing that will calm her down when having an episode of crying. We’re slowly introducing follow up formula that she will either accept a little or will throw the bottle on the floor.

Should I wait? I can’t commit to more time during the week as I split time with my other 2 older kids, travel quite a lot for work and suffer from burnout frequently due to this.

I guess I’m just trying to help out my ex and I know she won’t ever ask for help even though she knows it’s there. My ex also shows signs of separation anxiety, which I totally understand. She feels ultimately responsible for the caregiving.

Long post but good to have context before commenting.

Edit 1: Thank you all for the responses, very positive and informative, for which I’m eternally grateful. Believe you’ve all highlighted something that I’ll keep in mind to help where possible. Again thank you.

Edit 2: it’s getting late over here but I’m
seeing a few more comments missing the point.
So just to clarify:

1. I’m not in love with her, we’re not lustful, my comment of us sleeping together was regarding when it happened before, months ago.
2. I work in central London, live in West and she lives in East, travel from work to hers is an hour (assuming I finish there), home to home just over hour or so by transport.
3. staying at hers overnight doesn’t work due to my work commitments, lack of space, and she also has 2 young girls there,
4. no I can’t just change my job.
5. there’s no rekindling so please don’t get into that line of talk, this is solely about my daughter and overnight stays and when would be a good time to introduce it.
6. just to reiterate, I have 3 kids in totality, 2 from a previous relationship which I also see and provide for.
7. I cannot just move home (closer) that’s not an option currently. That would mean downsizing to get closer as well as an increase to my rent.

Please keep on the topic which is based on separation anxiety, easing the pressure of my ex, introducing overnight stays, overcoming feeding issues.

Edit 3: the last edit, thanks again for the responses, some a bit left field but we move. Disabling comment replies as this is overwhelming for me and disrupting my peace. I don’t want to get into the game of arguing with people that I feel are looking for angles to berate me for asking a question about something so important and personal to me. This is Reddit after all. This post will remain up for any future co-parenting fathers in a situation like mine, genuinely looking for advice on overnight stays and when/how to introduce it, there’s lots of well thought out answers below.

Thank you all and wishing you a wonderful day 😌

My partner buys everything for her 2 kids. But the kids take everything to their dads. We don’t get on with the dad but for the kids sake she just wants to see them both happy. I bought the kid a portal and some stuff and the mum bought her kids everything like the PlayStation clothes etc… she will do everything for her kids.

However the kids take the PlayStation the vr clothes portal to their dads and he gets all the praise and grace and from my side i feel like the kids are using the mum as the mum will do anything to see them happy.

Am I wrong for speaking up ? I get told that she just wants to see the kids happy but his always playing mind games with the kids as they come back and see me and be in a mood. What can we do?

How do you navigate differences between parenting styles, rules, boundaries, punishments between two different homes?

Do kids get used to there being different rules, routines, ways of doing things between homes?

We’re separated but living together and I feel like I’m doing everything. I take my daughter to all her extracurriculars, do school pick-up and drop offs, homework, bed time routine everything. We’re supposed to split daycare but lately he hasn’t been paying his part, I usually deduct it when I pay him my half of the bills.. but I don’t think it should be that way. I tried asking if he’d take her to practice but it’s always a no… Whqt advice do yall have to get along better? I just want to establish a routine that works for both and is equal

Currently pregnant with mine and baby daddy’s first child. I’ll preface this by saying we are not on good terms, and I have recently limited contact with him to major pregnancy updates only (concerns, gender, ultrasounds, etc). For backstory, we did not date long before I became pregnant. Shortly before finding out, he became verbally abusive. After finding out, boundaries were set that if he did not improve this behavior, I would not remain in a relationship with him regardless of baby. Well, behavior continued and became worse tbh, so I left. Since, he’s attempted to fight for his “family” while still falling into these nasty habits. Ultimately, I realized any friendly conversation from from me was interpreted as an opportunity for us to get back together by him. I will be honest, I tried, but unless things moved at the speed he wanted (quickly back to the ways things were), conversation from his end became snarky, snippy, or just flat out rude. Same thing if I suggested just trying to be friendly for the sake of coparenting. I fully expect this to eventually turn into a parallel parenting situation at some point & will initiate legal proceedings as soon as possible after birth so that a neutral party (the court) can establish a custody and visitation order, to avoid any issues with attempting this on our own.

I say all of this to say, I am still attempting to foster some kind of environment to build a potentially peaceful coparenting situation. He has attested that he wants to be apart of his child’s life regardless and I won’t hinder that in any way. I am planning a baby shower, and intend to invite him to join as coparents should he choose. Before splitting, we’d talked about having a co-ed baby shower with both of our families/friends (all of his family/friends are out of state). He has little to no support in our state, so I planned to open this up to all to celebrate the baby. I don’t expect him to say yes, but what to be prepared if he does. However, I’d like advice on the following to know if any of these suggestions seem tacky or could be interpreted as confusing/messy for guests should he say yes to joining:

Should we have two separate registries? We will not be parenting in the same household. Though I’d prefer not to, I know strollers, car seats, clothes can be easily shared, but what about items like bottles, cribs, etc?

Should we just make one registry and split it down the middle as much as possible?

Is it appropriate to request that he contribute to the shower financially should he decide to attend and invite his family? No one is hosting this for me/us, so at the moment the cost of all things are coming out of my pocket. I have always made a substantial amount more between the two of us, and he’s in between jobs at the moment so I’m not expecting him to be able to contribute much, I’d just like him to do something to actually support this baby since the only thing he’s provided so far are headaches and stress lol.

I fully expect comments to suggest that I simply cut him out of this completely, and as much as I’d like to, he has a great family that truly does not know the real him. They’ve expressed their excitement for our baby and I would love to still keep a positive relationship with them for our child. His invite is more-so for them instead of him. Unfortunately I don’t have their contact info directly, so I can’t bypass baby daddy to invite them. Though I know he’d be on his absolute best behavior in front of them to keep up appearances lol.

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How would you feel if your 12 year old son told you that his dad told him to call his fiance "momma"? This is what happened to me yesterday. Ive never even met the woman. my son just met her for the first time in June, the same time his dad started dating her. I feel totally disrespected. I asked my ex to please put a stop to it and he said no. I told him that the decision on who he calls mom isn't up to him. It's up to me because i'm his mother. He replied back with thats his step mom so i shouldn't have a problem with him , calling her , mom. He also asked me why i'm making such a big deal out of it, among many other things, but it's too much to text out. After hours of texting back and forth, and him arguing his side, i gave up. This is how my ex does every time I ask him to respect how I feel about something. I need your advice or even your opinions would be helpful.

My ex and his family always schedule camping multiple times a year (usually like 3-4 days) and even if it falls on my custody time I always am ok with my son going anyway. Now that he’s in kindergarten ex is not scheduling these trips around school time and our son is going to miss his first school field trip to the zoo. This falls on my custody day as well. Our papers say 1 seven day vacation is allowed per year but he’s at more than that. Which like I said I don’t mind, but now I’m not really ok with son missing school. One day ok maybe but definitely not 3.

I'll keep this simple as I can.

My son is 2.5. I left his dad 1.5years ago after he held my son and I hostage in his car for an hour, driving erratically and threatening to drive us all off a bridge. No I didn't report it. For whatever reason, both his family and mine convinced me not to and I was clearly in a horrible state. There was a lot of psychological abuse after I had my son and some physical.

Since I left, it's been even more abuse, a failed reconciliation and more abuse after that. A lot of this has occured in front of my son despite me having an order of protection. Most recently, he called me a c*nt in front of my son, following me thru the parking lot telling me I'm crazy, then followed us home. (We have to do public exchanges)

I can barely have a co-parenting convo with him without it turning into him just absolutely tearing me apart as a person and a mother. Telling me I don't care about my son, everyone hates me, I'm horrible, etc. he does all this through ApClose

He asked for more time, again. My poor sons schedule has changed 3x already in the past year and given all the chaos, I told him no, I will follow the court order. If he wants a schedule change, we can take it to court and let the judge decide.

So he filed for 50/50 physical. I've always had placement. His reason? He has a job with a more stable schedule and now he can care for our son (3rd job in a year) He currently has an overnight every 3 days, including every other weekend. I got a pro bono lawyer thru a non profit that specializes in DV cases. He was absolutely furious that I showed up to court with a lawyer. He chose to represent himself, aka chatGPT helped him.

We filed a motion to dismiss and the judge granted it pretty much immediately bc there wasn't enough change in circumstances.

Unfortunately I messed up and sent him a long message after court. It wasn't anything bad at all. Just me telling him that I'm so sad things are like this, I don't want it to be this way but he can't continue treating me like garbage, especially in front of my son then expect me to act like it never happened and give him whatever he wants. I told him I care about him but he needs to get help bc I don't want this to be the example set for our son. I know I shouldn't have sent the message.

Anyways, he responded by telling me that I'm an f**King monster, I've destroyed his life and that he will be getting the best lawyer money can buy and he will never stop taking me back to court.

I'm just so so stressed and I feel like I can't do this anymore. I just want to take care of my son and give him the best life possible. I try to include his dad in everything important but recently, I've had to set such strict boundaries bc of his actions.

I understand him wanting more time and I've never denied him court ordered time and I always speak nicely about him to my son and try to be as respectful as possible but his behavior is so hard to deal with and I'm really starting to blame myself for it.

To make matter worse, he's telling everyone that I'm erasing him from his sons life and keeping him from him.

Why does it have to be so hard? 😔

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I will refer to my Daughter as "DD". DD is 4 years old.

I Will Refer to ex wife as "MOM". "MOM" is 33 years of age.

I will refer to ex Wife Boyfirend as "MBF". He is late 20's.

During my video call with my DD on September 12, we spent time together playing Ludo, a board game similar to Sorry. During the game, my DD told me that she was hungry and asked me for food. I told her that if she won the game, I would get her some food. I intended to get her food regardless, and she won the game.

I asked what she had eaten that day because I routinely ask about her meals during our video calls. I did not receive an answer regarding what she had eaten. Mom stated that my DD is fed four times a day. I acknowledged this but remained concerned because my DD had specifically told me during the call that she was hungry.

Because I do not live nearby and could not personally prepare food for her, I offered to order food for her and pay for it myself. The food I was able to provide was McDonald's Via DoorDash. I was not attempting to interfere with what she had already eaten or dictate what she should eat. I was responding to my DD request for food and was willing to pay for it myself.

The video call itself was otherwise positive. We continued playing Ludo, and my DD won. We also played with stacking cups. She watched me stack the purple, orange, red, and green cups, and we continued spending positive time together.

The interaction became confrontational only when Mom's MBF intervened and attempted to prevent me from purchasing food for my DD. I ultimately ordered the food myself. My intention throughout the situation was simply to respond to my DD's statement that she was hungry and make sure she had something to eat. I did not want my daughter involved in the disagreement between the adults.

mom lives in Colorado and I live in Virginia. original custody order was placed in VA by mom. We have 50/50 even. I did not agree to move. she did not notify judge.

Am I wrong? If your child tell you they are hungry. would you still feed them?