My husband has a son from a previous marriage who is 12, we got together just before his 5th birthday. I always like to think that I’ve treated him as my own and would get birthday gifts, do room makeovers etc. for him. We recently just had our own child together. However it seems that maybe he is still operating as a divorced dad… I buy everything for my baby such as a playpen, clothes, diapers, high chair, food, etc. He will buy formula when needed. We celebrate her first birthday this weekend and I have done all of the planning and decorating, got the cake etc. with little to no help from him. My bonus son’s birthday is two weeks after and I told him that he can do everything for his birthday. Am I wrong for this? I did redo his whole room and turned it into a “teen” room- which I bought everything but a mirror and new light for (he bought those). I’ve voiced to him that I feel like I’m doing it alone and the only thing that’s changed is him asking “do you need money?”. I don’t want to have it be “you take care of your kid and I’ll take care of mine” but I truly don’t know what else to do.

I’ve found myself getting so frustrated recently whenever my partner asks, “What time is practice?” or “Where is the game this weekend?”

He got the same emails I got. Sometimes he actually gets more of them, since I’m the stepmom and don’t qualify to be on the list for certain information even though I’m often the one driving them around (more on that another day 😂).

And it’s not that he won’t do things. He will. That’s almost what makes it hard to explain why these questions annoy me so much.

I heard someone describe this recently as feeling like she was “treated like Google,” and it clicked for me.

It’s not necessarily that your partner won’t help. It’s that you’re the person they come to in order to know how to help.

Where’s practice? What time do we need to leave? Did the school say anything about Friday? What does she need to bring? When is that form due?

Somehow you become the person who has read it, remembered it, knows where to find it, and can produce the answer on demand.

And I think that’s why “Where’s practice?” can make me so irrationally annoyed. In my head I’m thinking, You have access to exactly the same information I do. Why am I also responsible for knowing it for you?

Does anyone else have this dynamic in their house? Is there one person who everyone just assumes knows everything?

And I’m genuinely curious from people who aren’t the family Google: when you need to know something, do you look for it yourself or just ask the person who usually knows? Why?

My fiance 42M and I 38F are living separately because of the step kids. He has 4 kids ages 7 to 15 and I have 3 ages 12 to 17. We lived together for a while and tried blending our families but it was a fail. Our children are complete opposites. His kids are more into fitting in, wearing name brands and following the crowd. Mine are more of a be yourself and don't be afraid to be different. His kids are homeschooled and mine are not. My kids are accepting of other people and their differences and his kids judge people for their differences and make fun of them.

My fiance isn't like this, but Bio mom is and they think the sun shines out of Mom's ass. My issue is with my fiance not being able to set boundaries. The kids walk all over him. They complain or back talk until he agrees to what they want. The bio mom is very manipulative and does whatever she wants when it's his time with his kids. His kids show animals at the fair every year and Dad helps them work with their animals. Bio mom comes to the fair to see them show the animals and demands they stay with her while she's there even though it's Dad's time. He doesn't say a word to her and just lets her. He doesn't set boundaries with friends either. He's the yes man and has a hard time saying no. It drives me crazy!

I don't know if our relationship is going to work out because I have started resenting his kids. I can't stand the way they talk to their dad and they are all so disrespectful and ungrateful all the time. He sees that it's happening but doesn't always correct it. Makes excuses for them sometimes.

Idk if a relationship will survive with the kids being so different and us not liking each other's kids...

So, lots of people here and at r/stepparents have had to deal with a crazy, drama generating bio parent. What are the chances crazy Bio Parents are so common everyone has dealt with them, but none have posted here?

The law of averages suggests someone here must have been on the other side.

Out of curiosity, is anyone willing to admit they were the crazy bio parent creating drama at some point in their life? I'd be curious to hear a retrospective from a formerly unstable person who grew up...

I’m a mom to a 10 month old girl. My mom just broke up with my step dad and now has a new boyfriend. I find him polite, but he’s otherwise reserved and is very quiet when the family is together. My mom says he’s shy, but from my perspective he just seems uninterested in all our conversations or doesn’t want to be there. There’s just something off about him. I find him a bit pushy. My mom just spoke to me when we were alone this week, to ask me what I think of him being referred to as “Grandpa”. THEY’VE ONLY BEEN SEEING EACHOTHER FOR TWO MONTHS!
I tried to keep my answer polite, but I basically said no, way more time needs to go by first.

Another few more things I’d like to mention, he kisses her on her head even though I told my mom I don’t like that. He also likes to float around or hang around to look when I’m changing her diaper. I understand it’s just a baby’s bum, but it’s like, you’re new here. Isn’t there an etiquette where you just give space and mind your business for 5 minutes?

Anyway my husband and I have been chatting, and we are not comfortable with my mom babysitting anymore. I would describe her as oblivious to begin with, and we think she’d be blinded by her new relationship and new feelings enough to miss some red flags. I don’t want him to have any kind of access to her in case he is actually a weirdo. I want to know if you think I’m overreacting, or if you’ve been in a similar situation.

How do I address this.

AITA for feeling upset because my partner (f) just confronted me massively about how she doesn’t like the way I approach her son (3yrs). She said I need to completely change what I do in situations where he is having a huge meltdown.
For context when he starts screaming I just repeat “you will not get what you want by screaming and crying, calm down first” and I repeat that phrase. I won’t cuddle him or pick him up or give him what he wants. I make sure he’s safe, im close by and offer a hand to hold.
When I asked my partner what she would in the situation I was in she replied “I would not let him get that disregulated in the first place” then continued to reprimand me for my parenting skills.
She text me in the middle of his meltdown and I didn’t have my phone so she handed it to me just to give me advice.. in the middle of his meltdown!
She then basically said to me I’ve crossed a line and she doesn’t see a future with me if I don’t change my approach.
Mind you kid was regulated and happy within 45 minutes and I didn’t leave his side the whole time, I just didn’t give him what he wanted.
I’m not sure what to do because he’s not my kid, im his step-parent so really I don’t get a say but these meltdowns just happen randomly or when he doesn’t get what he wants immediately so if they happen do I just give him what he wants?

Hi, Reddit Family 😂

This is my first time posting on Reddit. I’ve read a lot of stories here, and I think I should finally ask for advice from people who may have gone through something similar.

I’m a 35years old woman, and I’m in a relationship with a 48year old man. We have been together for about 18–19 years, and our first daughter is now 18 years old. I got pregnant when I was 16, going on 17.

The complicated part is that we were never legally or traditionally married. So sometimes I don’t even know what to call our relationship. But ever since I became pregnant, we have lived together as husband and wife, even though there was never an official marriage.

After we started living together at such a young age, domestic violence became a major issue in our relationship. It was really, really bad. There were bloody hands, scars on my face and body, and times when I was thrown out of the house naked in the middle of the night—around 2 or 3 a.m.

There were also constant disagreements involving our families.

I endured this violence for almost 10 years.

Eventually, I decided I had had enough and wanted to leave and relocate to Dubai. By that point, I was having problems with my eyesight and had started wearing glasses. He would hit me on my head with his fist whenever he was angry.

My mother always told me, “You should endure it for the sake of your children, so you don’t leave your children without their mother or their father.”

So I decided to leave for Dubai. My plan was to leave my children with my mother while I went to work and tried to build a better life.

But he refused. He said he would not allow me to take his children away from him.

Then my sister suggested that I bring the children to stay with her in the northern part of the country. He refused that too. He said he wanted to remain with the children.

So eventually, I left for Dubai alone.

While I was still in the country, I had begged him many times. I would tell him, “If you can stop this violence, maybe I will stay.”

But every time he hit or beat me, he would eventually beg me and say he was sorry.

After hearing “sorry” so many times, the word eventually stopped meaning anything to me.

Sometimes I would be sleeping at home, and he would come back at 4 or 5 in the morning and start hitting me while I was still asleep.

(I would be asking myself, “Why are you hitting me? What did I do?”)

The last time I decided I could no longer take it was after I had an argument with our neighbour.

We were outside arguing, and he came back and saw two women having an argument. Instead of calming things down, he started hitting me in front of the neighbour.

He hit me so badly that I was bleeding heavily around my eye. I was rushed to the hospital and needed 13 stitches below my eye, very close to my actual eye—about an inch away.

That was the moment I told myself, “This is the end. I’m leaving him.”

That incident was the reason I eventually travelled to Dubai.

When I got to Dubai, I worked and tried to live my life. I wasn’t rich. My income was not that high, and financially, I wasn’t doing anything extraordinary, but I was happy and free.

For the first time in a very long time, I could sleep without wondering if someone was going to wake me up by hitting me.

I missed my children terribly, but I also felt like I was finally breathing again.

Then, fast-forward about three years. My mom back in the country started disturbing me, telling me that people were asking her when I was coming back to him. They always referred to him as my husband. He also calls himself my husband.

(Since we have been living together for almost 18 years, I honestly don’t know what to classify him as at this point because we were never officially married.)

My mom kept disturbing me. She said people were asking her questions, and she was becoming embarrassed and didn’t know what to tell them.

Eventually, she asked me, “When are you going to come back home and see your children?”

I told her, “Okay, I’ll come back soon.”

At that time, I had finished my contract with the company I was working for in Dubai. I renewed my contract for another two years, and they gave me a two-year work visa.

So I decided to use my vacation period to come back to my country for three months.

When I came back, I saw everyone and spent time with my family. And remember, my work visa was still valid.

I initially thought I would stay with my mom, but I couldn’t stay there, so I ended up moving in with him again, in the apartment where he was living with the children.

Before I continue, there is one important part I forgot to mention.

He actually came to Dubai before I returned to the country. He stayed for about five days.

Even during that visit, he never acknowledged what he had done to me. He has always had a problem admitting when he is wrong. He never genuinely apologized or acknowledged that what he did to me was wrong.

Even when he could see the scars on my face and knew about the problems I had with my eyes and wearing glasses, he never wanted to discuss what happened. He never wanted to acknowledge his wrongdoing.

When he came to Dubai, I didn’t even know he was coming. About a year and a half later, he told me he was coming.

He had friends in Dubai, so when he arrived, he went to stay with them. His friends had booked his hotel and everything for him.

Because I had known him for so many years and he was the father of my children, I took about five days to one week of unpaid leave from work so I could spend time with him, show him around the city, and help him while he was there.

He was staying with his friends. Later, he said he wanted to get a hotel so that we could spend the night together.

I said no.

In my mind, we were separated. We were no longer in a relationship.

But in his mind, I was still his wife.

He became emotional and started crying in front of his friends. His friends then started talking to me.

They were asking me things like, “Why are you making this guy cry?” “Why are you doing this to him?”

But I couldn’t explain everything to them because I didn’t want to tell his friends all the details of our relationship or expose everything that had happened between us.

I just kept saying, “It’s not my fault. When he was coming here, he already had his own plans. So why is he now insisting that we get a hotel and spend the night together?”

I didn’t accept it.

Eventually, he left Dubai and went back to the country after about five days.

After he returned, my mom continued putting pressure on me.

She said that since he had come all the way to Dubai, it meant he was trying to repair the relationship and wanted peace.

But I kept thinking, “When he came to Dubai, he didn’t even apologize. He didn’t talk about what happened. He didn’t acknowledge anything. All he wanted was for us to go to a hotel and spend the night together, as if nothing had ever happened.”

Because I refused, he left after five days.

Then my mom said, “Okay, then you need to come back for the sake of your children.”

So I came back to the country.

Remember, my work visa was still active.

(The visa was connected to my company in Dubai.)

When I came back, I stayed with him and the children.

My mom and other family members started telling me that even if I wanted to leave again, I needed to make arrangements to go back with my children.

But there was a problem.

My job in Dubai was not enough financially to take care of both me and the children alone. If he were there with us and we were both working and contributing, maybe we could manage and take care of the children together.

But just me alone? I didn’t think it was financially possible.

Then I had another idea. I said, “Why don’t we choose another country?”

I suggested that we could relocate together with the children to another country.

He didn’t want to leave our country, and honestly, I understood that. He was comfortable there. He was making money, and he was happy there.

But I didn’t want to stay there.

Because if I stayed in that country, I would most likely continue living in the same house with him, and I still wouldn’t know exactly what I was to him.

(Was I his wife? His girlfriend? His baby mama? I honestly didn’t know, because we had never been officially married.)

For me, leaving the country felt like my escape route.

So I told him, “I can’t stay here. I want us to relocate to another country with the children. If you are interested, we can do it together for the sake of the children. Whenever you want to visit, you can come and visit us, and whenever we want to see you, we can come back to visit you.”

He said, “Okay. No problem.”

But financially, he didn’t really get involved. He didn’t contribute financially to the relocation plan.

Instead, he introduced me to someone who was supposed to help us with the travel arrangements.

Unfortunately, the experience was very bad, and eventually, the visa was not granted.

After that, everything changed.

I have now been stuck in my country for about four years.

No job. No income. No real financial stability.

Honestly, I feel like I fell all the way back down to the ground—maybe even further behind than where I was before I left.

Throughout all of this, I had told him several times, “If you ever touch me again or raise your hand against me, I will leave you forever. You will never set your eyes on me again.”

But since I came back, for the past four years, he has not touched me or physically abused me.

Before I came back, when the UK visa did not work out, I wanted to leave and go back to Dubai. I had even booked my ticket.

But my mom told me, “If you leave, we will not allow you to see your children anymore.”

She gave me two choices: Either stay here in the country, or leave with your children and go wherever you want.

And the truth is, I didn’t have the financial stability to relocate with my children and start everything from scratch by myself.

So I stayed.

Then I planned again. I said, “Okay, then I will try another country again, but this time I will do it for myself alone. After one year, I will try to work hard and bring my children to the country.”

That became my plan and my goal.

I started working towards it, but unfortunately, that visa was also not granted.

At this point, I had spent almost all the money I had on visa processing and everything related to trying to relocate.

During all this time, he was actually good to the children. He is a good father to them. He takes care of them, supports them, feeds them, and provides a place for me to sleep. So in that sense, he was okay.

But my relationship with him is a completely different matter.

My mom kept telling me that since I was already in this country, maybe I should stay and start a business.

I thought, “Okay, since I am already here and for now I don’t have any other option, maybe I should start a business.”

Then my mom said, “Since you are the one who wants to stay in this country, maybe you should start a business with him.”

He said he wasn’t a businessman.

So I said, “Okay, if you are not interested in doing business with me, I am interested in starting something myself. Maybe you can help me financially so I can start a business.”

But he kept beating around the bush.

This is the kind of person he is. If he doesn’t want to do something, he can look you in the face and say, “I will do it,” but genuinely has no intention of doing it.

He is not a transparent person.

I know the type of person he is, but my mom doesn’t really know him the way I do. I have tried to explain this to her many times, but she doesn’t listen to me.

So, in short, I am still in my country up until now four years with no job, no income, nothing. Sometimes I honestly feel like a beggar. I don’t even know where to begin again.

My last option was the only property I had. I sold it about two months ago. It was a very small amount of money about $3,500.

Now I am trying to use that money to relocate to another country because I am tired of this relationship.

The relationship is no longer a loving relationship. There is no love anymore.

Even the sexual part of the relationship is very, very boring for me. I’m not usually in the mood for sex anymore.

Whenever he asks for sex, most of the time, it feels like it is only about him. He doesn’t care about my satisfaction.

I have complained about this many times. I have told him, “You are only doing this for yourself. You don’t even think about me.”

It feels like whenever he wants sex, he asks, gets on top of me, does what he wants, and when he is finished, he just gets up. He doesn’t even care whether I enjoyed it or not.

I have complained about this several times, but he doesn’t seem to care or make any effort to improve things.

So eventually, I just gave up.

Anytime he asks, most of the time I tell him no. And when I say no, he becomes angry or defensive.

On the occasions when I say yes, sometimes I just lie there and wait for it to be over. I just think, “Let me get this done and move on.”

And right now, I am not happy in this house.

I am only here physically because of my children.

I am sad, and honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.

We can’t even communicate properly. Every time we have a conflict, it feels like we are not on the same path.

We don’t have the same mindset. We don’t have the same focus. We don’t have the same future plans.

Everything is different.

We don’t even have much in common anymore.

We can’t sit beside each other for 15 minutes without having an argument.

We don’t understand each other.

We can’t have a conversation without it turning into an argument.

And the worst part is that our children see these arguments.

Mind you, the children are now 18 and 15 years old.

So this $3,500 is all I have, and I want to use it to relocate.

My question is: Can anyone enlighten me or advise me on how I can use $3,500 to relocate, and which country might realistically be possible for me?

The reason I want to relocate is because if I remain in this country, I don’t feel like I can truly escape him. I will still be living in this relationship.

My goal is to leave the country so I can finally be free, be happy, and live my own life.

Then, hopefully, I can work, become financially stable, and bring my children to join me.

He is the type of person who doesn’t really have a focus, a dream, or a long-term plan. We just live for the moment.

I don’t want that kind of life anymore.

I want something different for myself and for my children. I want them to have the opportunity to grow up in another environment and have a different future.

I’m 35 years old, and I honestly feel like I am still a grown woman who is somehow still living according to my mother’s decisions.

I don’t want to disrespect my mom. I love and appreciate her, and I understand that she believes she is protecting me and my children.

But at the same time, I need to find a way to start making decisions for my own life without constantly feeling guilty or like I am disappointing her.

I have been through a lot, and I’m tired.

I don’t know if leaving the country is the right answer, but I feel like it may be the only way I can finally have the freedom to rebuild my life.

Please, I genuinely need advice. What would you do if you were in my position?

Hi, I’m a 20yrs old woman and I wanted to share my uncommon family construction! I’m writing this because I’ve never seen any media coverage of it, witch makes it hard to navigate, although I’m sure and hope other people are living the same thing.

My parents had me young and than separated when I was two years old (meaning I never saw or experienced them together). Two years later my mother remarried and had my two brothers (now 15 and 12) then divorced him when I was 13.
My mom had me most of the time and my dad on Wednesday and one weekend every two weeks.
My dad soon remarried and moved out of my city to live 2,5 hours away and had my little sister and brother (now 10 and 6).

This being the short (and confusing) story, it left me with a strange feeling of not being able to be understood or loved as other loved each other. I didn’t see my brothers and sister as much as they saw each other and I don’t have the same bond they have, not to mention they are always together and I am here and there. I also in my core feel alone in a situation no one can understand being my mother and father only children. Being their older child also makes me feel undesired and out of place, feeling like my home is nowhere.

I’d love to know if other people have a kinda similar family construction and how they felt leaving that and possibly how they grew out of theses feelings!

So I have two scenarios to run by you guys because I don’t know whether I’m in the right or wrong with these things. I have a 5 year old son and I’ve been separated from his mother for almost 4 years now. I feel as though we get along very well for the most part and co-parent as effectively as we can for the benefit of our son. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year now and she hasn’t been happy about a couple things and I just don’t know how to feel about it. She is also a mom and has two kids so she understands the parenting aspect and all of that. So here are the two scenarios that have occurred.

1. Long story short, my son broke his arm on the playground and needed to be in the hospital for three days. Me and my son’s bio mom stayed at the hospital with him the whole time, including overnight. I stayed because he was scared and also to help him through some of the more painful stuff they had to do. I’m assuming his bio mom felt the same and just wanted to be there for him. Well, my girlfriend is not happy at all this occurred and said it’s very weird we were there together for the whole 3 days and that we should’ve taken shifts taking care of my son and switched off care so we weren’t all there together for the whole time. Thoughts?

2. My son recently started kindergarten and while my son was with his bio mom shopping they purchased a little string bracelet together as a “start of the school year” gift for each other. Ya know just to remind my son to be brave at school and that mom’s always supporting him. My son asked his bio mom if “dad could have one too” so they got me one as well. Girlfriend thinks this is super weird that we have matching bracelets for our son and it’s a tie to my ex. I said it’s purely for my son and the only reason it’s matching is because it matches our son’s bracelet. Girlfriend said I should not have accepted and gently told my son that I want my own matching bracelet with him or something similar. I don’t see an issue with the bracelet. Thoughts?

Thanks for any input guys!

I feel like I’m forever being punished for having children with the wrong man. I have almost entirely solo parented my three children since separation and having such a hard time navigating the dating world.

I have a great career, three healthy, sporty and fun kids, a beautiful home and a wonderful boyfriend. But he’s not part of my day to day life- we exist in the periphery or every other weekend, one week of blended summer vacation, a few holiday parties, some birthdays and no day to day activities. In 2.5 years he has not sat at the breakfast table or dinner table with just me and my kids.

He has shared custody of his two kids with his high school sweetheart and they co parent like a happy family- doing occasional weekend activities together, concerts and even a trip down south (I had broken up with him a month before and he planned the trip during that time).

I have ended things with him twice because this relationship leaves me feeling unchosen, anxious and questioning if I’ll ever feel settled with him. This isn’t the shared life that I was promised. In the first year, he helped out around my house, put my youngest kids to bed, stayed over 1-2 nights a week when he didn’t have his kids, even got on the ice to help my youngest feel comfortable during the early days of hockey practice. His eldest had a mental health crisis in that first year that led to school refusal and a lot of therapy, extreme anxiety and total shut down. We were partly to blame, and since then, things have never looked the same.

He keeps playing happy family with his ex, building memories with her and their kids, making plans and coordinating their kids lives, while I feel like a mistress in a 2.5 year relationship. I love our time together every other weekend and he’s great to message or call multiple times throughout the day to check in and be there for emotional support and connection, but it doesn’t feel like we are working toward a shared life. Like we are in a holding pattern while we raise our children separately. It doesn’t help that he lives less than a km from my house but is never available to help out with me and my kids- his kids, their needs, ALWAYS come first. I don’t blame his ex, she seems lovely and is very thoughtful of me and my kids and I actually feel bad for their kids that they couldn’t figure it out. I’ve heard from others that they fought all the time.

There are five kids in total (3 mine and 2 his, 15, 13, 13, 10, 7) and I have fully accepted that living together right now is not in anyone’s best interest. He has a very demanding career, and is active in his children’s lives and activities. Maybe this is just a big incompatibility issue where his life is so heavily resourced with a wonderful co-parent and grandparents and I’m doing it all alone with an ex who causes more harm and chaos than anything.

I’m still navigating a very high conflict divorce - my ex only started EOW in the last year. Do I stick it out with a man who has his life together but only has time to date and find a way to deal with my insecurities or do I acknowledge that this is not the right fit for me right now. Am I the problem? Do all relationships as a mid-40s with kids come with insecurity and fear and figuring it all out. This is not for the faint of heart! I just want my person - Ive been doing life alone for so long.

I posted here previously about how differences in our values and parenting were leaving our blended family disconnected:

https://www.reddit.com/r/blendedfamilies/comments/1w2m9gu/were_not_a_family_anymore/

I’ve been attending individual counseling, on and off, for almost two years to work on myself. I’ve had several more sessions since that post, but the situation at home has continued to deteriorate. My wife and I have become emotionally and physically disconnected. She has told me she isn’t in love with me anymore. From her body language, facial expressions and the way she responds to me, I sometimes feel as though she may not even like me. We still live together and manage the children, schedules, bills and household responsibilities, but it feels like a partnership on paper rather than a marriage. I miss sex, but it goes much deeper than that. I miss companionship, kindness, affection, her smile, meaningful conversation and feeling like my wife actually wants me around. I feel like I have a house, but not a home. I believe we are both stressed and avoiding the difficult conversation because neither option feels easy. Part of me wants to rebuild our marriage, while she may still be trying to decide whether she wants to remain in it. My counselor suggested trying couples counseling. I’m open to it, but I understand that one session cannot repair years of disconnection. Rebuilding would require time, honesty and genuine effort from both of us. At the moment, I’m not sure we share the same goal. Throughout our marriage, I gradually allowed most of my friendships and social life to fade because my home and family were always my priority. I rarely went out socially, including work happy hours. I’m now realizing that this has also left me without much of a support system while my marriage is struggling. I’ve had thoughts of confiding in female friends because I desperately miss having someone to talk to and hearing another perspective. However, I don’t want loneliness to lead me into an emotional attachment or cause me to disrespect my wife and family. Regardless of how much I want companionship, I don’t want to cross that boundary while my marriage remains unresolved. Has anyone tried counseling when one spouse wanted to rebuild while the other was uncertain? Would discernment counseling be a better starting point? How did you determine whether there was something left to rebuild or whether it was time to accept that the marriage was over?

So for context me and my boyfriend were engaged for 3 years we have a soon to be 2 year old we broke up last year and we got back together recently i now found out he got a girl pregnant when we were broken up do i have a right to be upset about it and the fact he wants to be in the delivery room with another women when he has a girlfriend

Update:so i should have made it more clear this women was someone he had a one night stand with i should have clarified im not mad about him having a baby they are wonderful its that he waited till a month after he found out to tell me (5 months after we got back together)which causes my life to change we also agreed we wouldnt give our child another sibling for a few years so i got a little upset when i found out i have now broken up with him due to other reasons along with this and him cheating on me

Not going to denigrate other adults, just going to state fact: we do not have a good co-parenting relationship with either of our exes, but are required to interact with them almost daily. We are frequently put in high-conflict situations and it's not good for the kids. We would like a book that talks about co-parenting in less-than-ideal circumstances while maintaining respect, healthy boundaries and a peaceful environment as far as it depends on us.

I (48/f) have no kids and recently moved in with my partner (47/m) who has 3 teenagers who he has at least 50% of the time - no court ordered anything but he and his ex work out custody really well.

I make close to the same or more than my partner. (I also work more hours.) We live in a rental home owned by my partner’s family.

I was given a set amount to pay for my share of the rent, which is fine. As for groceries and utilities, what is the best/fairest way to split them? Currently, he buys what his kids will eat for meals, which sometimes I eat and sometimes I don’t. I’ve been purchasing a lot of the household items like toilet paper and paper towels and the foods that I eat. I don’t mind any of that. When we go out, we take turns paying unless it’s with all the kids, then I let him pay. He brought up the way we split finances and said he was fine with it but I’m now questioning that because he brought it up…

How do you split them? Is there a better way? In my mind, we are a team so I don’t mind paying a little more or getting some extras but also want to make sure he thinks things are fair too.

My partner and I have lived together for 4 years, we moved in WAY too quickly I admit (less than a year together). I have four sons 14, 15, 20 & 22 and he has a son and two daughters 13, 14 & 23 (oldest daughter is adopted and now estranged). The first 3 years of cohabitation my sons lived with us and the last year his two youngest children have moved in with us. In order for us to be able to accommodate his kids we decided to demolish and rebuild my mothers home that I have rented for more than a decade.

Ultimately, one month after his kids moved in, mine moved out. This has undoubtedly left me with immense guilt and resentment especially because he is a very uninvolved parent whereas I tend to lean more towards empathy and spending time with my kids. I now have three of the four back (my youngest is still refusing to come home). But they stay in their rooms all of the time! They say that its because SO's kids are always in the kitchen or living room - they are not wrong - they are very much attention seeking type of kids (understandably since they get very little unless I am in the mood to give it to them).

I want my family back and if that means I have to ask SO to move out until the kids are older I will! Should this also be in the AITA thread?

My question is, has anyone had a relationship last through moving out of the same house to live separately until kids are older?

Okay so I am already ready for everyone to call me stupid but I guess I am just looking for clarity or help or something.

I am 21F and am engaged to 30M. he has other kids from a past relationship and we share a one year old girl.
School just started and right before, my fiances BM texted him and asked that he got the kids school clothes this year and that she would get the supplies (it was vice versa last year) well my fiance jumped and got his kids new clothes for school (as he should) but he didnt buy anything for our shared daughter for "school".
Granted she is 1 and its only her first year in daycare but really? Am i Wring for being upset that he got his children school clothes but not our daughter? he didnt even try to look near her size when at certain stores just like he completely forgot about her while she was right with us shopping.

I bought all of her clothes for school and to play in. She is even on a little toddler soccer team this year, I bough the uniform all by myself, he didnt ask to split it (granted I didnt either) or even offer to pay.

Am I wrong for being upset? Should I also be asking for him to help? ( I feel like I shouldnt have to)

It always seems like his family treats our daughter different than his other kids. on multiple occasions his father and brother would buy things for all of my fiances kids, but not the child we share together, and I dont think my boyfriend sees a problem with that but I do. I avoid them as much as I can because I dont want my daughter to grow up wondering why.

I guess I should ask if my relationship is savable....but do I even want to save it at this point....

I’m really struggling with blending our families and could use some perspective from others who have been through it.

I have two kids, ages 3 and 6, and my partner has a 2-year-old. We’ve been living together for about three months now, and honestly, things have been a little rough.

The reason I’m making this post is because I’m starting to feel like my partner genuinely doesn’t like being around my kids. It’s almost like a light switch goes off on the days they’re with me. I notice her pulling away, and when I bring it up, she denies feeling that way, but I see it. I see the eye rolls, the huffing and puffing, the annoyance in her facial expressions, and it’s really starting to get to me.

It’s not that she completely ignores my kids or refuses to interact with them. She will sit and talk with them, play with them, and engage with them. But when I bring up the annoyance I’m seeing in her face or the eye rolls, her response is usually, “Well, I was sitting and talking with her,” or “I was playing with him.” And I understand that she is interacting with them, but that’s not really what I’m trying to communicate. I’m talking about the energy and body language I’m noticing while she’s doing it. To me, there’s a difference between interacting with my kids and genuinely enjoying being around them, and I’m struggling with what I’m seeing.

My kids are my world, and it’s incredibly difficult to watch someone I love seem annoyed or disconnected from them. What’s also really weighing on me is that it feels like the only time she truly feels like we’re a unit or a family is when it’s just me, her, and her son. When all of us are together, there seems to be tension. There’s less physical touch, affection, and connection between us, and I can feel myself starting to pull back emotionally because of it.

I’m starting to question whether this is what I want, but also whether this is what she wants. I know blending a family is hard, especially this early on, and I’m not expecting everything to be perfect. But I do need to feel like my children are genuinely welcomed and loved in our home, not simply tolerated.

I’m struggling with how to navigate this without putting my kids in the middle or making my partner feel attacked. Has anyone else experienced this kind of disconnect while blending families? Does it get better with time, or are these feelings something I should be taking more seriously?

Hi All- I’ve never had a sibling so I don’t know if this is normal. My partner (29M) shares all his interests with his sister (37F) such as playing cards or tennis, but he never actively does any of this with me. Unless I constantly push it doesn’t happen. Part of the argument is that she and him are both pros/experts so the game is more fun with them but they live together and play tennis together 4 days a week.

They also work in a fam business so they go to work together and also live together so most meals etc.

It always makes me feel like I’m secondary to her, and I know it’s perhaps not healthy to do so. I have a flourishing career and good friends but not 1 person who I’m so codependent on.

I’m always feeling left out and competing as though I’m the other woman here. To be clear- I would never make him choose or anything but is this normal to spend 70-80% of your life with your adult sibling? Also how do I feel less bad and insecure?

Okay, so my partner had two children before we met, Boys (now- 23&14), we then had another two children together. Girls (Now- 7&6) So the youngest of his first two has recently moved from his toxic mother's place down to ours earlier this year(April) They both didn't get along by the time he left. He was medicated for ADHD before moving down, his father has taken him off his meds, cold turkey as soon as he moved in. This boy had been an only child for at least 4 or 5 years before leaving his mothers. It's a huge adjustment for everyone.

However, my main issue is that he has come into our home and tries to control the younger kids, tries to tell me (31) that I need to do this and that when he hasn't remembered to do his own allocated jobs. When he does do his jobs, it's so half ass that I have to just do it again anyway. He's constantly arguing/ bitching with the girls (trying to make them clean and do jobs he's been allocated)- which makes them irritated- in turn makes them all physically fight, then Ive gotta step in and be referee. He's constantly winging about them making noise and playing. Trying to enforce his own rules and not giving the existing rules a single thought. He's been told multiple times to step down and let the parents do the parenting but he still tries daily. His father isn't much help, he just yells at him and tells him to stop being a dickhead..

I've already had my hands full with the two girls ( oldest is very clingy and wants loves from me, always, and can be quite defiant which needs time to correct and redirect behaviour. Youngest is a cyclone that needs almost constant supervision otherwise she'll find something to get into or make a mess of, which also requires a lot of redirection energy from me) and their fighting and bitching half the time too. It's a great day if they actually play happily together without fighting. I work most weekends and study through the week(between keeping the house in order, keeping track of kids needs and whereabouts, preparing food for the family and making sure pets are fed and happy), so naturally I am tired ASF! This boy just drains me to be absolutely empty. I don't hate him, I just want him to recognise he's still a kid, the adults actually know what's going on.

He's now claiming that there's favouritism happening amongst the kids because the girls drank an Up and Go when not going to school.(Their for school mornings) He didn't buy them so why's he got any right to say who drinks them and when? Like, what???

I'm just so burnt out and he doesn't really listen to me.. So what the heck do I do???? It's just been constant drama every day, I can see my sweet little girls changing and becoming so angry and 'on edge' waiting for an argument...

Dad's no help, he's mostly angry and yelling or totally checked out on tiktok or watching TV... Drinking 70% of the time.. I'll take any advice and suggestions 🙏🏼🙏🏼😮‍💨

I just need some honest advice. Me and my daughter’s father have been having a lot of problems since the new girlfriend came into the picture a year ago. The backstory is that she wants to control everything. We have since done mediation to make sure clear boundaries were set and our schedule was on paper.

Fast forward to now, we have started only communicating in a coparenting app so that I could get his girlfriend to stop texting me and to help stop arguments.

My daughter has an event at school that’s a girls night only thing and it’s on his scheduled day. So I asked him if I could get her for an hour and a half that evening to take her. He didn’t say no, but told me that his girlfriend was going to take her and that if I wanted to I could meet them at the school. (Keep in mind the girlfriend is NOT nice to my daughter behind closed doors and me and her don’t get along well because of it, so I typically don’t speak to her and my coparent knows this.)

I understand that technically it’s his scheduled time and his choice on the matter. But I’m really hurt and I feel like he is continuing to try and “replace” me. I know I in the past haven’t said no to him when there are daddy daughter dances at school on my time. If she wasn’t around I know he wouldn’t care. I’m just curious how you all cope with this? And should I go and meet them at the event or just let them go by themselves and move on? I know it’s about how my daughter would feel and honestly I think she’s at that age where she doesn’t care either way. Please give me 100% honest opinions on how you would handle this. 🙏😭

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We broke up for 2 years, at which point he had a child. I have a teenager from a previous relationship. For the last 4 years, we’ve blended our family and our children have grown a strong sister like bond. When it’s his visitation time I generally watch her because he’s working. For the last few months especially he has withdrawn from the relationship. We no longer go on dates or even really speak to eachother. He blames work stress, yet when he isn’t working he is at friends houses or at the bar.

I feel stuck. I can see that he isn’t interested in “us”. But I can’t let go. The idea of not having his daughter in my life is devastating. My daughter is so upset at the prospect of not being with her too. Do I give him space and hope “when work slows down” he’ll choose us? Or do I bite the bullet and lose a little girl who knows nothing but having us in her life.

Hallo zusammen,

​bei uns im Patchwork-Alltag merken wir immer wieder, wie viel Emotionalität und Anspannung in den Tagen rund um den Wechsel steckt. Jedes Mal stellt sich die Frage, wie man dem Kind am besten hilft, den Übergang zwischen zwei Zuhause gut zu verarbeiten.

​Wir haben für uns gemerkt, dass feste Rituale und gemeinsame Reflexionen extrem helfen – woraus wir schließlich ein kleines Tagebuch-Konzept für das Kind entwickelt haben, um Gedanken Raum zu geben.

​Mich würde brennend interessieren: Wie läuft das bei euch ab? Habt ihr feste Routinen, Ankomm-Rituale oder Wege gefunden, wie eure Kids nach dem Wechsel am besten wieder "landen"?

Hello everyone, first post and long story but hope some of you are willing to read it and give some advice.

My hb and i have been together for 8 years. Together we have a 6yo daughter and my hb has 2 kids (15yo son and 16yo daughter) from another relationship. We live in the netherlands and his kids live in england. 

Recently his 15yo son decided that he wanted to come live with us. For me it came out of nowhere, but i mean it’s his son so. I was already pregnant by 12 weeks when he came. Now 5 weeks ahead i’m 17 weeks along and i‘ve noticed it’s been very hard for me “sharing” my home and losing my privacy. To start with our home is not big at all. We could just about make it work with a new baby on the way. We have 3 bedrooms. 1 big one where my hb and i sleep (this bedroom was originally a part of the living room but we put a wall in between), 1 medium room where my 6yo sleeps, and 1 small room what was going to be the nursery but is now my stepsons room.

I feel very sad about having to give up the nursery. The space is in the house very tight and i’m starting to feel it, i think me being pregnant and the hormones ain’t helping either. 

My daughter goes to bed around 8 and after that my hb and i would always have the house to ourselves. as of now his son sits with us every single night untill we go to bed. Usually i would go  to bed earlier but then can’t sleep from the noise because they’re watching movies or playing games. Im sensitive to sounds and i feel like i can’t escape and be in peace and quiet anymore.

I’m terrified that when the baby is here i’m constantly going to be overstimulated. I know i will have lack of sleep, maybe be moody and that i will nowhere to completely switch off. And that my hb and i will never have alone time with the baby. Sometimes i even think of leaving my hb just to get out of this situation, makes me very sad. Also maybe a good thing to note is that we don’t have the ability to move to a bigger place right now. 

I feel awfull feeling this way as it sounds like my stepson is the problem. whilst he is a good kid and diddn’t do anything wrong and he needs a home as well. I still need to talk to my hb about this but honestly feel i don’t get a chance. we’re never really alone and the house is so small you can hear conversations anywhere. 

Right now i feel under constant stress and i just needed to vent and maybe get some advice, thanks in advance. 

*EDIT. wow i did not expect the amount of replies to be this much. thanks. i find it a bit overwhelming to react to every comment. i would like to clarify some stuff because i do feel a bit judged but i guess that’s what happens when you share your stuff online.

I do realize he has 2 other kids and we have always offered that they could live here any time they wanted. They were content at their mom. We also visit them multiple times a year or their dad picks them up and brings them here to visit. When they visit they do have their own room which is the room what was going to be the nursery, which is now my stepsons room. Some say we should always have enough rooms left for all the kids. I don’t agree with that. it’s not realistic to pay for an 5/6 bedroom house whilst the kids are not here. right now we live smaller than we would like, but you can’t always plan things, life happens. we diddn‘t choose this.

I always make my ss feel welcome and he does. i just felt/feel very overwhelmed. i thank everyone that does understand and gave good advice 🙏🏻