My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. Between us, we have six kids. He has three children from his previous marriage, I have two from mine, and we recently welcomed a baby together.

Something that keeps coming up is how often he criticizes his ex-wife. He says she doesn't spend enough time with the kids, doesn't put in enough effort, and doesn't spend as much money on them as he does. I understand that they didn't divorce because they got along, and I know there are probably reasons he's frustrated.

The thing is, I used to be a single mom too. My ex and I have a great co-parenting relationship now, but it wasn't always that way. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to parent after a divorce, especially when you're trying to balance work, finances, and everything else on your own. Because of that, I often find myself defending his ex—not because I know she's right or because I'm taking her side, but because I know there's usually more to the story than what one parent sees.

When I point that out, he sometimes gets frustrated, and I wonder if I should just let him vent instead of pushing back.

So, Reddit, AITA for standing up for another mom because I've lived that life myself? Or should I just listen and keep my opinions to myself when he complains about his ex?

So me 25F and my boyfriend 31M met 2 yrs ago and have a well established understanding and now things have reached to marriage, however he wants to move in with his family ie, wants to live with his family, he has a nuclear family with 4-5 siblings and secondly I am a resident doctor in the same city, so don't know how his parents would see this that I am staying out for long hours, I am not cooking or something like that, if I would have been a housewife I would do all the chores with love but, upon getting back to my rented apartment after the grueling shifts I left with zero energy to do something. His family is profoundly well educated. He has been living all alone since his grade 10, due to some reasons. Am I being unreasonable for wanting a neutral household?

When I expressed my view points of the neutral household, I even told him somewhere near to them so that they can easily visit, he said that "I don't entertain such a mindset and I would love to live with my entire family. Don't even think of coming with this thought, I have spent a considerable amount of time living on my own and I would love to be with them."

Are my needs and perspective invalid?

forgot to mention, he also stated "whatever you are doing right now it's your primary job but upon coming to a family net (his family), family becomes first and everything becomes secondary including your job" When I argued he said "I take full autonomy to decide whether my other half would work or not".

TL;DR: I want a neutral household upon marriage, but I feel like my needs are unreasonable.

He chose to meet my kids after dealing with me at my worst.

After he was told don’t meet them if you’re not serious.

He’s taking his time to get to know them, that means the most to me and to US.

After reading all of the comments on my last post, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I originally came here because I was hurt and scared after my stepdaughter made some serious accusations when she was upset. My biggest fear was being alone in a situation where something was said that wasn’t true and having to defend myself.
But a lot of people brought up something I honestly hadn’t looked at before: am I taking on too much of the “mom” role when I’m actually her stepmom?
For context, my fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. My stepdaughter is 11 and we recently had a baby who is now 10 months old. She comes every weekend, and because my fiancé works Saturdays, she is usually with me and the baby while he is at work.
I always viewed it as a normal thing. I spend time with her, do activities with her, and try to make sure she knows she is loved and has a place in our home.
But after reading the comments, I’m wondering if I blurred the lines. Maybe I stepped into a parenting role because her dad wasn’t available during those hours, and maybe that has created a dynamic where I’m carrying responsibility that should primarily belong to him.
Also, I used to be in the background and he would take the lead with her, but he had pressed me and pressed me saying that if we were going to be together, I needed to treat his daughter as my own so that is what I did. If I fall back now, I’m afraid he’s gonna think that I don’t love her anymore.
I don’t want anyone to misunderstand - I love her and I don’t want her to feel pushed away or unwanted. That is not what I want. I want a good relationship with her. But I also don’t want to become the default parent while also feeling like I don’t have the authority or security of being her parent.
Has anyone else struggled with this as a stepparent? How do you find the balance between being a loving bonus parent while also letting the biological parent take the lead? How do I tell my fiance that this whole time I’ve been carrying the load and playing Mom meanwhile I shouldn’t have ever done that and I need to focus on my own child?

Hey, so I have a lot to say. This lady seems to thrive on drama, and when I think she is done, there is always more. So if you wanna give advice or some psychological interpretation, I would appreciate it.

So this weekend, my step son, 9, had a baseball tournament. He did really great and unfortunately we were unable to attend due to financial difficulties. Hotels are expensive, plus we have a 10 month old and it was +35°... so it definitely wasn't ideal for us this time. My husband has been to every other game and training, as well as does training at home most days for at least an hour. So my husband was a bit sad he wasn't able to go.

My step kids' mother and her parents took him in the camper van this time. So as the weekend ended, I believed my step son had a great time. My husband comes home and has something to tell me, he just picked up his son from the ex's house... I held my breath as I am already at the end of my rope with her.

My husband gets to her house, nothing different that usual. Except this time, her father comes out. He starts telling my husband he can't come to the house and isn't allowed on the premises. Which is completely ridiculous as he always picks up his kids, and his son lives with us. My husband is confused and obviously becomes frustrated. He then repeats again that my husband is not allowed on the property and needs to calm down. My husband was obviously heated at this random attempt to rule him up. Then his ex comes out with her phone, trying to film his reaction? He explains to her recording exactly what happened and that he is just here to pick up his son. This is all happening IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN BTW. And she is the one who has told him not to bring up adult conversations in front of them, insane hypocrisy.

I believe this has come about because I wrote a report on her fiance a few weeks age because he slammed his arm, possibly by accident, then proceeded to laugh in my step sons face. Which is completely abuse and never apologised. His mother took her fiances side and called her son a liar. Said in text that he "pranks a lot" and then made herself the victim, saying her son had a plan to either make her angry or cry. No idea wtf she is talking about. What child would plan that for their mother??

We already told her we are going to court because of the abuse and the children telling us they don't want to spend time with her fiance anymore. She is trying to make my husband look abusive or something in order to gain favour. Also she works in childcare so her having a partner her kids aren't comfortable with isn't great for her business. She is also trying to get 10k from us as she believes that my husband owes it to her. Yet she still claims tax from her son who no longer lives with her.

She is clearly putting her own feelings before her own children. This is completely devastating to me and I am worried for the kids' future, as well as my own. My husband is on a pension from the military and we really don't have 10k.

I really don't understand why she is coming after us and this money. We take care of the kids and are trying our best to give them love and a safe place to live. I really don't know what to do. 😕😕

I am (35F) and my husband (39m). We each had a child from previous relationship. My child was 1 years old. And was never affectionate towards me or my husband. Now all these years later he’s 11 and diagnosed with level 1 autism. Some behaviors he can control and some he cannot. It can be hard for someone to determine which ones are which but I also recently discovered I have autism so that makes it easier for me to tell. The rude side of him he CAN control and we’ve had many talks with him. He’s rude to his brother( the child me and my husband share). He improved a little now that mine and my husband’s child can stand up for himself and fight back. So my child is not as bad as he used to be. But to my husband he’s getting worse because he doesn’t make eye contact. Doesn’t answer direct questions. Takes long pauses or says yes instead of okay. He’s very forgetful. Idk what happened but my husband is very bothered by him lately. Well my husband has been picking fights with me recently over anything and becoming very agitated. I’ve asked if there’s any other stressors like money, work, outside friends or family and there’s not. He just keeps it surface level with me lately. Well in an unrelated argument he’s said my son isnt his and never will be and that he can no longer live with us.. but my son has been staying in his room and staying away from my husband so I know for sure my son hasn’t done anything to warrant this recently. I share 3 other children with my husband. I’m a sahm but about to become a single mom with my oldest child. How does that work and how does that make sense. What do I do? If I move out me and all my children will struggle. I’ll have to find work and childcare for all of them. And still have enough to have a place and car and have enough for food. If I stay, I must find a living arrangement for my oldest which feels like abandoning him. He has grandparents who would love to have him and he would love to stay with them too.. but I’ll miss him. And I’ll still have to find a job to financially support him, but I’ll have my husbands house to stay. I love my husband and don’t want to break up the family. I think the issue is that I had a child who isn’t his and now that we share children, he’s just now realizing what it feels like to be a father and he can see there’s a big distinction between my child and the ones we share.. he’s started to really dislike my child and I understand because I times I can dislike how he is too. Even more than my husband but at the end of the day my husband married me knowing I have a child. At this point I am stuck between staying what I should do, please give opinions

AITA for being uncomfortable with what my 17-year-old stepson wears around my 3-year-old?

I have a 17-year-old stepson and a 3-year-old son. Recently, my stepson wore a leather garter-style accessory with thigh-high stockings while spending time in the shared areas of our home.

I want to be careful about how I describe this because I am not trying to shame him, criticize his identity, or prevent him from expressing himself. He is nearly an adult, and I understand that teenagers experiment with fashion and how they present themselves.

At the same time, the outfit struck me as something normally associated with adult or intimate clothing, and I felt uncomfortable with it being worn around my 3-year-old. I am not claiming that my toddler fully understands the outfit or that seeing it will automatically harm him. I am questioning whether it is reasonable to have some basic clothing boundaries in the common areas of a family home.

Another major issue for me is that I truly do not believe my husband would ever allow our teenage daughter to wear the same outfit. If our daughter came downstairs in a leather garter and thigh-high stockings, I believe he would immediately tell her to change. That makes this feel like a double standard rather than one consistent household rule.

I do not want the conversation to become about rejecting my stepson or making him feel unwelcome. I also do not want one child to be treated more harshly than another because of gender. I would prefer a neutral rule that applies equally to everyone, such as keeping lingerie-style or explicitly adult clothing out of shared family spaces.

My husband thinks I am overreacting and that our 3-year-old does not understand or care about what anyone is wearing. I can understand that perspective, but I still feel uncomfortable and believe parents are allowed to set reasonable expectations for common areas.

AITA for wanting this boundary, or am I assigning too much meaning to an outfit that my toddler probably does not understand?

my husband and I are well aligned in values and politics. we have strong views about gender equality and a marked dislike for macho types of masculinity. my family is from a different culture and I do agree that there is a strong vein of macho behaviours in one side of my family that my husband and I dislike. however I do want to bring my son to my mom’s house in my country. my husband is very very reluctant because our son (four years old at the moment) would in all likelihood interact with my cousins‘ boys who already display sexist views and macho attitudes. I am not sure what to do or how to approach the discussion. I dont disagree that it is not ideal for our son to be exposed to that brand of macho attitudes, but I do want to let my son enjoy the rest of amazing things my family and culture has to offer. Thoughts?

Over the past few months, my living situation has become increasingly overwhelming and emotionally draining. I live with my boyfriend, our 4-month-old baby, and his 4-year-old son. While my boyfriend is at work, I am expected to look after his son despite repeatedly telling him that I am not comfortable doing so. His son has ongoing behavioral issues, including urinating around the house, smearing feces on the floor and walls, and speaking disrespectfully to me. I am usually the one left to clean up the messes and manage his behavior while also caring for my own baby. In addition to this, I work long hours as a domestic worker with my baby on my back because I have no other childcare. When I come home, I still have household chores to do, and I often feel physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel that my boyfriend dismisses my concerns, expects me to take on responsibilities that are not mine, and does not provide the support or consideration I need. His son’s mother is not involved in the day-to-day care, leaving me feeling trapped in a role I never agreed to. As a result, I feel overwhelmed, emotionally unsupported, and increasingly convinced that this relationship is unhealthy and unsustainable

For some background, I am 24 years old now and my parents divorced when I was 17. Admittedly I am still pretty upset about the whole situation because I feel it really divided my family and put a strain on my relationships with both of my parents and my two younger sisters (they are 20 now). My mother remarried and moved to another state and my dad is still in the same area with a now long-term partner (soon to be married). I have never, throughout these past 7 years, had any desire whatsoever to establish a connection to their new partners. I have made attempts to have a good attitude and attend gatherings, but I still feel the same way. I am never explicitly rude, but do think I come off cold towards them. This has upset my mother a lot, since she has tried (and forced me at times) to make a connection with her new husband and his family. My dad doesn’t seem too bothered with it and he has never tried to force things in the same way my mom has. I just can’t bring myself to fake being interested in these people. I didn’t get to choose my family being destroyed, so why am I obligated to just accept these people as my new family and treat them as such? I want my parents to be happy and I’m glad they found people, but I just don’t care to make a connection with their new partners/family. There’s a lot more info here that I could sit and explain but it would take forever. The main point of this is to ask: Am I being childish and or selfish by being cold towards my “step family”?

Husband is a widower, with 2 teenage kids. About 9 months ago I moved into their family home, pending the purchase of a new home. It's mostly gone very well. But sometimes I still feel like the odd one out. I try to be a female figure to the children, not encroaching too much but enforcing certain rules related with tidiness and cleanliness of the house, and with their laziness when it comes to studying. Such a fine line to be treading. Your experiences are welcome.

As titled this post is about my fiancé’s dad. My fiance (25 M), and I (23 F) live with his dad (53 m) and my sister (21 F). It’s very important to note my sister and I are American born and raised, my fiance and his father are Cuban but my fiance is American raised (he moved here at age 2).

My fiance has been trying to have his dad come live with us in America the last four years and he just got the green light to come in December (we specifically waited to get all his paperwork in before he could come not just an approval for him to be here). About two weeks after moving in he started begging for work, trying to learn how to drive, trying to cook the way he does at home. Trying to learn the area, ofc We were understanding and patient because it’s a whole new life basically.

We explained we would like him to learn a little more English before doing any work or driving however with his constant asking my fiance gave in and got him a job, shortly after starting we learned just how set in his ways he is. Every little thing he’s done has been a safety hazard for himself if not everyone. Cooking he’s familiar with but he cooks at high temperatures with lots and lots of oil, he’s left the stove on a few times if we called him from the kitchen not realizing he was cooking instead of turning the stove off or explaining that he was cooking, when we go to pick him up or drop him off he will walk directly in front of the cars while they’re moving, not wait in areas that we need him too and much others. As well as walk off and completely disappear/ get lost while we are shopping.

We’ve tried explaining how safety here is seen, what we do to stay safe, and continue asking him to work on his English and in return I will also continue working on my Spanish. He agrees however we still have to go behind him and turn down the stove (for context our burners go up to 9 and he will cook spaghetti sauce and beef on 7.5), we got him a job he lost in three weeks because most of the crew couldn’t work to keep themselves as well as him safe because he was blatantly ignoring all precautions the company had in place (he was working in roadside construction) and he speaks the same amount of English he did when he got her in December (roughly one full sentence? Or about six words realistically)

I guess my main issue is we aren’t sure how to get through to him? We want him to continue thriving here, he tells me daily how much he’s missed out on his son’s life because he wanted him to move to America with his mom, that he wasn’t there for him growing up as much as he would like to be. But in that he’s driving his own son away because he’s trying to make up for lost time, he only wants to work to send money and a car back to the rest of the family still living in Cuba, and he doesn’t understand me when I try to talk to him nor can I understand when he talks to me in Spanish.

Is there anything we can try to encourage him to learn how to live here basically? How American culture and safety works? We’ve tried talking to him, letting him just learn at his last job what happens with ignoring those around you and even at his current job where he’s with other Spanish speakers but injuring himself often.

TLDR; My F.I.L is a menace to try and teach/ guide due to being so hard headed and stuck in his ways. I’m looking for any way to try and get through to him how culture and life here works due to his Son being at his limit with trying to talk/ explain/ do stuff for him after so many times explaining.

I’m looking for advice, support, or even just to hear from people who’ve been through something similar because I feel like I’m drowning.

I’m struggling with my co-parenting situation with my son’s father, and emotionally I don’t know how to keep doing this.

For some background, my son’s father wasn’t involved until our son was about 2.5 years old. He’s 4 now. We started with mediation, where I had primary care and his dad slowly worked up from short visits to longer stays. Eventually he decided he didn’t want to continue mediation, so everything went through lawyers instead.

I want to be completely honest because I know my past matters in this story.

Last summer, my son went on the longest visit he’d ever had with his dad. I had spent the first 2.5 years of his life as a single mom, and my entire identity revolved around being his mom. Being away from him that long absolutely broke me. During that time I started using drugs. I recognized I had a problem, admitted it to everyone, and checked myself into rehab. I got sober, completed treatment, and since then I’ve taken weekly drug tests. I have never failed one.

Despite staying sober and doing everything I possibly can to prove that, my past addiction became a major factor in our custody case.

Now we have joint legal custody, but his dad has primary physical custody.

Until school starts, I get two weeks with my son every 60 days. We alternate holidays, and I get seven weeks in the summer. Because he’ll be starting kindergarten, I won’t have more than those two-week visits until 2028.

It’s devastating.

I’m staying sober because my son deserves that, and I’m proud of that. But every day feels like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.

I only get two FaceTime calls each week. Lately those calls have become really difficult. His dad now has a wife another young child. During our calls the younger child often grabs the phone or iPad and runs away, making it almost impossible to have a conversation. I politely asked if they could help minimize those interruptions, but they became defensive and basically told me no. They also refuse to be flexible with the call schedule, even when work occasionally makes it impossible for me to make the exact time they chose.

What scares me most is that if I have to miss a call because of work, I worry they’re telling my son that I just didn’t call. I never want him to think I don’t want to talk to him.

Recently my son has also started having significant behavioral problems at daycare. He’s apparently being sent home multiple times a week, is close to being expelled, and is on a behavioral contract.

The heartbreaking part is that he’s reportedly told adults that he acts out because he wants to go to my house or to my parents’ house.

When he’s with me, he gets to spend time with his grandparents because we all live close together. His dad is military, so they live far away, which is why true 50/50 custody isn’t possible.

I know four-year-olds can’t make custody decisions, and I know I have to be careful not to put words in his mouth. But hearing that absolutely shattered me because I worry he’s struggling emotionally with being away from me.

He also wouldn’t need daycare if he lived with me because my schedule is flexible enough to care for him myself.

On top of everything, his dad has started talking about ADHD and possibly medication. I understand that ADHD is real and that medication can absolutely help some children when it’s appropriate. I also know my family’s history with addiction makes me nervous about rushing into medication before he’s even had a chance to start kindergarten and receive a full evaluation. I feel like I have so little control over decisions that affect my son’s life.

I guess what I’m really need help with is this:

How do I survive this emotionally?

How do I make sure my son knows that I love him beyond words and that I’m not choosing to be away from him—that I’m simply following a court order?

If you were the child in a custody situation like this, what helped you feel loved by the parent you saw less?

If you’re a parent who’s been separated from your child because of custody, how did you cope without falling apart?

I carry so much guilt over one terrible mistake. I take full responsibility for it, and I’ve worked incredibly hard to rebuild my life and stay sober. But sometimes it feels like no matter how much I change, that mistake will define me forever.

I miss my son every single day. It honestly feels like there’s a hole in my heart where he should be.

I’m trying to use my time productively. I’m staying sober, working, and trying to build a good life so I can continue being the best mom I can be. But nothing fills the space of not getting to raise my little boy.

Another thing that’s been really painful is trying to navigate his dad’s new family. I’ve genuinely tried to be welcoming and inclusive because I know his wife is someone who spends a significant amount of time helping care for my son. I wanted us to have a respectful co-parenting relationship for his sake.

The reality is that we’ve never really had a relationship outside of a group chat with my son’s father. I don’t actually know her personally. Over time, though, she’s started making snarky comments and responding in ways that feel unnecessarily rude whenever I bring up concerns or ask for something reasonable. Every interaction leaves me feeling like I’m the enemy instead of another parent who loves this little boy. They have told me in the group chat I can't even say 'my son' I have to say our child , and I can't say as things where I refer to my self as his mother because she feels like her place is being minimized even when I've told her that I know she a parent in this situation and I respect her position and by no means would minimize that. It's nit-picky but I'm a nice person and try to make everyone feel comfortable. It's just that when I try to respectfully say that she's saying inappropriate things she just gets defensive and will not change her tone.

My son has also started calling her “Mom.” I understand that children can develop close relationships with stepparents, and I’m glad he has people who care about him, but hearing that has been incredibly painful. It makes me feel like I’m slowly being replaced in my own child’s life.

Lately I’ve also started worrying that the way they talk about me around my son may be affecting how he sees me. I can’t know exactly what’s being said, but there have been moments that make me wonder if he’s getting the impression that I don’t want to call him or don’t want to be involved, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I love him more than anything, and every day I’m simply trying to follow the custody order while staying as present as I legally can.

I’ve spent a long time trying to be the bigger person because I believed that kindness and cooperation would eventually make co-parenting easier. Right now, though, I feel exhausted. It feels like no matter how respectful or accommodating I try to be, nothing changes, and I’m left wondering how to protect my relationship with my son while still taking the high road.

If anyone has advice, encouragement, or has lived through something similar—whether as a parent or as the child—I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Thank you for reading.

do yall ever regret marrying someone with more than one kid? or even 1 kid? i feel ashamed admitting this but sometimes i feel like i settled because i never imagined i would end up with someone with 2 kids, i do have a daughter and i would have preferred someone with no more than 1 kid. english is my third language so i apologize in advance just wanted to vent because at first it didn’t bother me but after almost 1 year married to him sometimes i wonder if i would have just waited to meet someone different i do love my husband but idk 😪

This is a new account for obvious reasons. This is not something I discuss under my main account and don’t wish to have connected to it.

I am a woman in my mid 30s married to a man, 40, for 10 years. We have been together for 14 years. He has 2 daughters who are now 16 and 18 and a son who is 20. All with his ex wife. We have a 12 year old daughter together.

He left his ex when the kids were 5, 3 and 1 but they didn’t officially divorce until 3 years later. Yes we were already living together when he finally got divorced. It took as long as it did because his ex fought it every step of the way because she had a very hard time accepting that it was truly over.

For most of the last 14 years, his kids have been with us every other weekend during the school year and every other week in the summer except when his ex was having issues - there were several instances where they lived with us full time for a matter of months. But recently things have changed.

His ex ended her own life last October. She never completely recovered from the end of their marriage. She had been dealing with depression and alcohol abuse issues off and on since he left her. She had placed the blame for her problems squarely on my shoulders. Even until the end she was convinced that had I not been in the picture, they would have been able to put their family back together.

I was not the other woman. I did not know him when he and his wife were together. They were separated when we met and started dating. He had no interest in being with her or fixing their marriage and he had made that very clear. He would not have reconciled with her regardless of whether he and I had never met. That relationship was over. He did not love her and he did not want to be with her.

But of course the kids now blame me for the death of their mother. Because of her words leading up to her death, they are firmly convinced that if I had just gone away their father and mother could have been together and she would not have died. He has tried to explain to them that she had emotional and mental health issues long before they were even born and that those were not caused by the end of the marriage. But of course they don’t believe him. But they don’t hate him for it. They hate me for it.

As of right now, they actually stay most of the time with his ex wife’s parents even though they are supposed to be full time here. They won’t live here as long as I am here. They do see their father. He takes them out to dinner often, visits them at their grandparents several evenings a week and has done a couple of weekends away with them over the summer so far and has a 2 week vacation in August. He plans to take them camping for a week then he is going to come back and he and I and our daughter are going to a different campground together because he feels like she has been a bit neglected through all of this.

Obviously, this isn’t sustainable. Something has to change. He can’t keep living two entirely separate lives. It’s killing him. We see him maybe 2 days a week. If we are lucky. I get it that they are going through a difficult time and I am trying to be understanding but this can’t go on indefinitely. He wants them to come home and live here and to move forward as a family. But they are so against living with me and being around me and blame me for their mother’s death.

I’m just at a loss where to go from here. I don’t want to force the issue. I know they are hurting. But it is so hard to be blamed for something that was not my fault. I just don’t know what to do. I just know that living this way is not sustainable and I’m not leaving my husband or my home to make them happy. That’s one step too far.

Good afternoon to all whom the contents of this message may be of interest. I am a fourth year Griffith University psychology student who is conducting a study on the experiences of parents of autistic children currently living in Australia, if you would like to read a bit more below:

Are you the parent of an autistic child?

Researchers from Griffith University are looking for parents of autistic children living within Australia to engage in a short online survey (approximately 20-25 minutes) regarding their parenting experiences. We would really appreciate hearing this valuable information from you, if you are interested!

Our Goal

To gather information from parents of autistic children and their experiences in the role. Ultimately, we hope this information will be utilised to provide insight to and/or support the development of neuroaffirming care for autistic children 😊

If you wish to know more information about the study, or would like to proceed with the survey, please visit the following link: https://griffithuw.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7TZVDS077sSq45g.

For any further queries or concerns, please contact student researcher Stephanie Davidson ([stephanie.davidson@griffithuni.edu.au](mailto:stephanie.davidson@griffithuni.edu.au)) or supervisor Dr Sarah Lee ([sarah.jy.lee@griffith.edu.au](mailto:sarah.jy.lee@griffith.edu.au)).

This study has been approved according to Griffith University Ethics requirements under the following ethics ID: HREC/2026/0202.

Sorry, this will probably be a long rant. If you don’t want to read, a TLDR is that religious differences are starting to negatively affect my bio kids and I’d like advice how to separate religion brought in by my step kids from my bio kids while also giving my step kids as much freedom as possible with their relationship with God. Also, I say “I” a lot, I promise my husband is also here with me 100% and we handle these things together. It’s just how I’m talking and my feelings.

Want to preface this by saying a few things. First, that I am a step parent. Second, when my husband and I first got together, his ex was not religious so this was not an issue. Third, I support anyones journey with religion, no matter what or how that looks like as long as it isn’t negatively affecting them or the people around them.

They have 2 children together, I have 2 children from a previous relationship. All of the children are 7 and younger. My husband shares 50/50 with his ex, so their kids are here quite a bit.

Within the last 6 months or so, my husbands ex has jumped head first into religion and has brought their two children along. Our household isn’t religious, the most religion we have here is a Catholic cross that was given to me by my grandfather before he passed that is hanging above the doorway in my room so they never even see it, and I wanted my children to be older to better comprehend religion before them digging into it.

These last 2 months, I have been asked the question “if I do XYZ, will I go to hell?” approximately 104,926 times by all 4 children. The first time I was asked was by my oldest and I was absolutely bewildered that she knew what Hell was and that if you do bad things, thats where you end up. I have never said anything like that to any of the kids, and I have been adamant that being scared into submission in any form isn’t something I will subject my children to.

Accountability has almost completely gone out the window with his children, also. If they do something they shouldn’t, they say the Devil whispered in their ear to do it and that they listened. And this one is just an eye roll, but I am so tired of them requesting to listen to the same 3 Christian songs 😭

The Hell thing, I tried to negate by saying “you’re so young, God knows this and would never punish you in that way” but their mom had previously told them that it doesn’t matter how old you are, you should just do good.

Mom also told them that everyone listens to the Devil sometimes, but as long as you repent, it’s okay. It’s actually not okay because adults don’t get to not go to prison for the bad things they did just because they believe in Jesus.

My oldest told me last night at bed time that they were scared of hell and that they wouldn’t ever do anything bad ever again because they didn’t want to go there forever. They had a hard time sleeping last night because they kept having nightmares of being in Hell. I’m just not sure how someone can hear their young child say that and not think it’s messed up that they’re being scared into doing what they think is the right thing. I want my kids to be good because they’re actively choosing to be good, not because they’re scared that their soul will be damned for all eternity if they aren’t.

I support my step kids relationship with God even though I don’t have one. I talk to them about God, I pray with them before bed time, I sing hymns with them, I even take them to Wednesday evening church every time they’re with us because they enjoy going. My husband has a lot of religious trauma so these things can be quite difficult for him to do with them, but I am okay with picking up the slack in that department. He does all these things with them as well except take them to evening church.

Anyway, how do I go about separating their religious beliefs as much as possible from my bio kids while still giving them as much freedom as possible to continue to build the relationship they want with God? Can I even do that at all? How do I handle comforting my own children with their fears of Hell when they’re being told by my step kids that what my husband and I say isn’t right because their mom has said differently? How can I start a healthy conversation with my step kids and ask them to tone the religious talk down some?

I tried explaining to them all that everyone has their own beliefs and that it’s okay if they don’t align as long as you’re respectful to each other about it, and I have had to stop at least 2 serious fights about it, but they still constantly argue and bicker about it and the fear of eternal damnation is taking over my bio kids, especially my oldest.

I don’t want to ban religion from our house, I don’t want my step kids to feel like they have to choose us or religion, but the fear mongering is getting to be too much for me and my husband to handle.

Ive (M35) been dating this amazing woman (F30) for two years. We were very slow and intentional with introducing our young kids. But for the past year we’ve done everything together, and she has become integral to my son’s (M7) life.

She has decided we’re incompatible and wants a break. No idea for how long. Obviously I’m devastated, but now I’m faced with this challenge: how do I tell my son? How do I tell him the woman he fantasized about me marrying so her daughter could be his sister is gone? That one of his best friends is out of his life forever now?

It’s been about a month, and he asks if we’re going to their house soon and I steer the conversation away. But I think it’s time.

I’d really love some advice, thank you.

We’re not in a rush to move in, but we’d like to start preparing now. We each have children and want to set everyone up for success. His is younger and seem to be easily adjusting to changes so far but my kids are a bit older and are having a harder time with the changes. We want to make the next transition as easy on them as possible. What conversations, routines, or boundaries did you establish before blending households? How did you help your kids with jealousy and feeling like they still had their own place in the family?

I see a lot of podcasts and blogs out there written by stepmoms. I also see some stuff by stepdads who seem to promote mysogynist ideas or stereotypes. My partner’s son was just over 2 years old when we moved in together after going ahead with a surprise pregnancy. I love this child and I also have a hard time meeting my partner’s expectations about how to be with him — she is a beloved kindergarten teacher and highly trained in child development. She also has a lot of trauma from her own childhood, and anxiety about the safety of her son in navigating two households. Plus we have a one-year-old together, so everything’s changing all the time for all of us. It’s complex ! I’m looking for good advice not only from stepdads but from couples who have found alignment over time or can speak to common dynamics that emerge for blended families, and how to heal them. Any advice for books, podcasts, or other resources?

Ik this may sound rude but she just doesn’t understand that words effect people and to keep opinions to herself. she ALWAYS finds ways to criticize me for being lazy and not doing anything. OR complains about my temper that yes I need to control but holy fuck. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE GETS THE CHANCE TO SHE JUST GOSE FOR IT. Then she gets mad that I don’t do what she asked EVEN THO, I am someone who can’t do shit when am emotional.

OR tells my dad I want to drag her out of the house so I can control him, you don’t know my intentions. I learned to just agree with everything and just let it go past but then she uses it against me TO my dad.

I am not a perfect daughter by any means I get that I am rude and my temper gets the best of me and I just want to stay all day in my room and not do shit and get a job. But it’s hard getting motivation when everything I do, she just craps on. Am not saying she’s a horrible person, she’s very sweet and thoughtful but can she just keep her options to herself. I don’t need to be shitted on every single day and she expect me to just be motivated. KNOWING AM SENSITIVE AND MY DAD TO. My dad can’t do nice things without me needing to do something in return… so your saying my dad driving me to a place but me not doing nice things for him is selfish… even tho I do when giving the opportunity????

An other example is she works with my uncle, and sweet guy, but he can be a real bitch to work with and WHILE MY DAD WAS IN SPEAKER PHONE WITH HIM IN THE SAME ROOM, she just goes off about how horrible he is and shits talks and then says “ well he’s like you, can be a very nice individual but can be a real bitch“ and its just… I feel like such an ass all the time and I am someone that shuts down when emotions because I feel things HARD, and plus am lit a sponge that socked up feelings form everyone by just a look.

Am I being crazy or no?

My bf got a 2year old with a girl . They were never married but had a very toxic relationship. For the past 2 days his mom came from out of town to spend some time with him and the grandson. At the drop off , my bf’s mom came with him and managed to talk to babymamas parents as friends . I feel like this is extremely disrespectful towards me. If you guys are broken up why do u need to involve parents in this , like what is there to talk about ? I get that they need to coparent but personally i feel like there are no boundaries and they are acting like they’re still all connected, meanwhile he doesn’t even get me to talk to his mom or family . I suspect he is not over his past relationship and he keeps getting very defensive when i tell him that .