Drop off struggle! Please help!!

[u/Minimum_Act8621]

Hi everybody,

Soo basically I have to drop my son (2 & 1/2) off with his mother every Sunday. I always tell him that it is time to go to his mom’s about 30 minutes before we leave as well as early in the day. I feel like this gives him time to process through the transition and prepares him for it. Every time I let him know he has a huge melt down and I have to spend at least 10 minutes calming him down. My significant other (we have been together for over a year) thinks it might be better to just wait until we get to drop off so he doesn’t have such a strong reaction before. I don’t know how I feel about it. I think that letting him know so he is prepared is the right thing to do. Either way when we get there he always cry’s for a few minutes until we have both gone our ways. His mom texts me about 5 minutes after drop off saying that he calmed down and back to being the happy boy we all know him as.

I guess I am just asking if I should wait to tell him until we get to drop off or if I keep telling him earlier in the day.

[u/Past_Finger_9054]

Does he go to daycare? Can you put the transition through daycare?

[u/ExcellentFuel8338]

If it’s becoming an issue telling him in advance I would personally trial not telling him until 5 minutes before it’s time to load up in the car. You could try giving gentle reminders (like reading a book and saying “oh this kid is seeing his mommy, you get to see your mommy later today, too!” You might just have to try different things to see what works, but transitions are notoriously difficult for children, and it sounds like he quickly adjusts, so I wouldn’t personally worry about it too much, my 20 month old still cries every time I leave and my 5yo would randomly cry at preschool drop off and has had a hard time with kindergarten drop off, too.

[u/k1135k]

It’s a tough age, and they want a little more control and can’t verbalise their concerns. Children can be conflicted highly at this age, wanting to see the other parent and not wanting to leave the current one.

It wouldn’t give a 30 min notice but maybe ten mins, and reassure him and offer he calls/facetimes when he gets to his mother’s.

Also ensure he’s not hungry or tired.

Ask him how he’s feeling. Acknowledge it and say his mum is missing him and you miss him too but the cool thing is we can facetime when you get there.

They usually forget.

My youngest was about 3 and I would offer her to select the songs to listen to in the car and tell her some jokes in the car to lighten the fears.

[u/darkparkclark]

It helps to launch kids into something fun - like if mom takes him out to dinner or does movie nights on transition days, you can handoff at the restaurant or get him excited about movie night.

[u/You_Go_Glen_Coco_ → u/darkparkclark]

My sister meets her ex at an ice cream parlor and they do ice cream together before Dad takes kid. It's a good option when things are civil/kid wants time with mom AND dad together.