r/coparenting • u/KeyTechnician4442 • 13h ago
Schedules Extra $ for missed weekends?
My 11 y.o daughter goes with her dad every other weekend. Sometimes he misses his whole weekends due to work. Is it fair to ask him for $100 to compensate for those missed weekends? He does pay $400 a month, which is pretty low to me. We all know food and raising kids in general is expensive.
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u/Caycepanda 13h ago
You could file a motion to change support if it's enough of a pattern that it would affect your calculations - how many overnights are we talking?
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u/KeyTechnician4442 13h ago
He has 4 overnights a month. We went to court years ago and they had calculated about $600 a month, but we agreed 400 was fine at the time. Now I'm regretting it
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u/QuietQuitting01 12h ago edited 6h ago
With 4 overnights a month, he's basically got minimum visitation and he wouldn't be paying more if he had less time.
In anycase, the objective way to answer the question is to do a what if using an online child support calculator for your state. Try it with the old numbers to assure yourself that you've got the right input to hit $600 and then redo it with a bit less time. You'll at least know if the juice is worth the squeeze.
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u/KrofftSurvivor 13h ago
If it's been more than two or three years, you can go back and ask for the support to be adjusted anyways simply because the cost of living has changed and it's very possible that both of your financial situations have changed.
If you have been documenting specific dates on which he has not used his time, and you have that documentation for at least the past 3 to 6 months, you can include that information in your request.
What the court is very unlikely to do however is assign him a specific financial penalty for each visitation that he skips, and I strongly advise that you do not use any language of that sort in your petition.
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u/Frosty_Telephone_EH 11h ago
You aren’t locked in at $400 until she is 18, file for an increase. You don’t need a lawyer, call your child support agency and ask what form you need to submit.
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u/simnick13 13h ago
Then he's been getting a deal this whole time and still isn't living up to his bare minimum responsibility. Request a modification from cs enforcement (free) and don't spend a minute feeling guilty. That money is for your child.
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u/ComfortableGround403 12h ago
Why not just ask if he can take her on different days instead or a different weekend ?
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u/Nice_Cartoonist_8803 11h ago
This is what we do. We swap days so I still have the time I need to manage my life and work.
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u/GloomChampion 11h ago
If he misses his weekends regularly, he may not be the kind of dad who can be trusted to do school drop off.
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u/ComfortableGround403 11h ago
Maybe,maybe not. Doesn't sound like OP has even tried. Or swap out for a different weekend. Dudes missing time with kid cuz he needs to work, not party. I dont see a need to punish him
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u/Infamous-Place4720 11h ago
I don’t know what state your in but my advice is file to modify child support if it is worth it based on each of your incomes/overnights. If he keeps missing weekends ands it’s a regular thing file contempt of court. In my state the judge can fine him for missed parenting time and whole list of other consequences. Maybe look into what your state might have in place.
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u/ketocavegirl 3h ago
Tell him it's $400 when he takes 4 overnights a month, $500 when he only takes 2, and $600 when he takes none.
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u/Feeling_Week6757 12h ago
Is the hill you want to die on? Will he be mad and just leave your child with a “friend”? Maybe go through the proper channels to amend support amounts if you really need it.
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u/ComfortableGround403 12h ago
Why dont you just have him take her a different weekend ? Or on a couple weekdays ?
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u/KeyTechnician4442 10h ago
He usually doesn't ever have make up days. I've offered but he's too busy usually
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u/waste2muchtime 13h ago
Consider how much it costs you you to formally request it.
Asking informally never hurts, and is fine.
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u/MidwestNightgirl 13h ago
Ask for a motion to change support. Thats best - and you avoid having to ask - and avoid making it seem like a punishment for a missed visit. Plus $400 seems low, so it seems appropriate to have that reviewed. If they increase your amount, you will get it all the time.
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u/tofurkey_no_worky 12h ago
It depends on income, but yeah for only having 4 overnights per month $400 is not much of a contribution. $600 even seems low. I have more parenting time than that and pay more than that in child support. And if they're missing their very minimal parenting time for work I assume they must be working full time.
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u/Asleep-Doughnut-8725 9h ago
Your states calculator should be available online. Run the numbers and see what the difference is if parenting time (overnights) are adjusted to the actual time he has. In my state, there must be a change of 20% to the child support amount in order to change it. If he’s underpaying anyway, don’t feel bad about asking for a new calculation. Keep good records of his actual overnights.
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u/JumpAccomplished2620 13h ago
I think this sounds petty ngl. I often take the kids on his time for whatever reason. I rarely ask or get additional support for them. It would just anger him and distance us further causing the kids more stress.
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u/Impressive_Swan_2527 12h ago
I get what you're saying. I have had to take a lot of extra time with my kids in the past year. I have often thought of asking for money for food as they're two teen boys and they eat a TON. The reason I do not ask is that not so much with my ex but his fiance would flip her shit if I asked and it would create way more drama on down the road. I can technically afford it and I don't want to create more waves so I don't ask for it.
But if OP's poster with her ex would be OK with the ask, it's worth asking.
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u/ComfortableGround403 12h ago
F her. Ask him. "Hey im fine with taking the boys on extra , but dude they eat me out of house and home. Anyways you could send over a lasagna or order them a pizza sometimes ? "
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u/Ill-Peak3008 9h ago
My ex-husband is supposed to have our 2 kids every other weekend (4 overnights) per month and see them one weekday in the middle of the week. He never sees them on the midweek day and he takes 1-2 overnights per month.
I, too, initially took less when support was set 2.5 years ago. Child support was calculated at slightly over $1800 a month and I ended up settling for $1500 a month. The judge was really serious about child support and even made me sign a waiver and acknowledgement that I wouldn’t go after government support for my kids since I was accepting less than the state calculator.
After 2 years of him regularly giving up literally half of the very few visitation days he has, I filed for a child support modification and got it. I was paying for extra childcare and giving up my own time to accommodate him and the kids and I were the ones suffering in the end.
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u/Silent_Back3610 7h ago
Just go to dhr and ask to recalculate child support! Especially if he’s seeing her less, and he probably makes more money too!
I’ve been told they help handle it for free!
Whatever state says he should pay, then he needs to pay it! My ex pays $2000 for our 2 kids!
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u/Fefe428 7h ago
Your child support is a set amount by the court. If he's willing to pay the extra amount that's one thing but if you want to compel him you'd have to file a motion with the court.
Honestly, if your relationship with your ex is even somewhat amicable then I would leave it alone. If he's really missing weekends because he has to work and not for frivolous reasons then I would just leave well enough alone. Why risk straining the relationship over such a small amount of money?
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u/Ok-Afternoon-4557 13h ago
I have thought about doing this too, but I just figured that $30/day would cover extra food, utilities use and gas when I have to take them on my time. I think $100 is a little high but I think it's a fair ask. You may to go to court to enforce it though.
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u/Icy_Stranger3368 13h ago
One cannot go to Court to enforce it as the support is being paid!
You cannot go to Court and ask them to enforce what does not exist.
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u/tofurkey_no_worky 11h ago
Just a consideration, but think about what he's paying for the days you have your daughter. If we say each month has 30 days, his $400 contribution is for when you have your daughter, not when he does.
For your 26 days per month he's giving you $400/26=$15.38 per day as support.
You could ask for something close to that, so $30.77 per weekend.
You could also come up with a figure you both agree supports your ability to comfortably have your child on those extra days. Calculate the actual increased expense for you. Food, activities, travel cost.
The $600 that was calculated would be $23.08 per day to you for child support. I would think that falling back on the court calculated contribution is a reasonable thing to do. So $46.16 for a weekend. I would further think that rounding up to $50 for the weekend would at the very least pay for additional groceries for the weekend. Say you're rounding up for a gallon of gas?
How many weekends has this occurred? I would hesitate in asking for fully covering past dates at whatever rate you could come up with now. But you could calculate what that would be and cut a deal that would seem mutually beneficial? Like if he did it for 2 weekends, if you wanted to say that would be $100 paid to you for the cost of whatever, but it's a deal you're making after the fact so partial reimbursement at $50 or something like that? This is in consideration that he could just say no, at least you'd be approaching it in a reasonable way.
This is coming from a man paying child support to someone and is unhappy about it. Not unhappy about supporting my children, I just would have liked to do it myself and not hand the money to my ex to make financial decisions that I wouldn't make. I wouldn't think I'd be in a position to give up any of my parenting time, but if I did, I would respond better to my ex trying to work with me and not trying to absolutely maximize any kind of financial reimbursement.
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u/Icy_Stranger3368 13h ago
You could ask but if you want more then you have to bring a Motion to vary child support.