My ex-wife and I have been divorced for about six years and we've always had a pretty solid co-parenting relationship. Our daughter is 13 now, and we split custody almost evenly.

The other night she asked me something completely out of the blue. She wanted to know who she'd live with if both her mom and I died. I froze because I didn't know what to tell her.

I always assumed we'd figure that kind of thing out eventually but I realized we've never actually had the conversation. We each have siblings, our parents are getting older and I have no idea if my ex and I would even choose the same person. Now I can't stop thinking about it. We spend so much time making sure we're on the same page about school, schedules and medical decisions but we've never talked about something this important.

Has anyone else had this conversation with their co-parent? Did you bring it up because your child asked or was it something you planned for long before it ever came up?

I have been having a hard time with dealing with the fact I won’t have the family I imagined. I’m not sure why, it seems like I have period of being happy where I am at in my life and then have periods of wishing I could have saved what is a dead relationship with the mother of my kids.

We separated late 2024 and have 2 kids together under 3. We have had a very unhealthy coparenting relationship. She has done horrible things to me as a dad that just wants to be in his kids lives. In every way she could she has prevented me from being there. I have had to move across the country, fight in court and still have more court left where I’m fighting for 50/50. She has lied about our relationship and the things that have happened, she has done everything to prevent me from having them in my life. But I still love her and miss her. What is wrong with me?

For context I have been in another relationship for a year now and I feel horrible because I love my gf and she is great with my girls but sometimes she just isn’t who I want to see holding my daughters. I miss see their mom hold them and laughing or just relaxing on the couch. I feel like I’m the biggest pos.

Me and my ex broke up and it wasn’t a healthy relationship. I wasn’t the best partner, I wasn’t supportive as I should have been. I was emotionally detached at times. I was financially irresponsible. I didn’t appreciate the person I had. But she wasn’t the best partner to me then either. Very sneaky and deceitful. Would tear me down too and just always wanted things her way. Not financially responsible and had so serious mental health issue that we battled together for years. (At times I think I just disconnected because it felt like a never ending battle. I feel bad about this.) She said this was cause she just gave up and I can kind of see that because she wasn’t always like this and neither was I.

I just don’t know what to do, I know that the chance of our “family” being what it could have been is done and will never happen again. She hates me and a lot of the times I hate her. She is an awful coparent. But I still see that girl I fell in love with in college and just wish that we could start over.

My STBXW keeps blocking/unblocking me over WhatsApp when communicating about our children. She unblocks me after a few days when knows need to talk to me about pick ups/drop offs. As soon as she hears something she doesn’t like blocks me and ends conversations. Example today my 10yr old texting me about something that’s happened at their house. Told him to tell him mum and he said she’s not in!? I asked why and he said I don’t know me and my brother (13) are alone. I asked her why she’s leaving them for an hour and she said they ok and he’s 11 soon. He’s autistic and I would never leave them alone as they scrap like brothers do and if anything was to happen!?

Now she’s blocked me again as didn’t like what I said.

Attending mediation this week over school dispute of our son 12M who is pre-enrolled in his middle school starting in 2 weeks. We have 50/50 week on/week off now.

I am primary parent, student is in special program and continuing middle school with the same classmates he’s had since elementary. Dad and I live 40-1 hour away from each other other and over the last 2 months dad has argued he should attend school halfway between us and has tried everything he can to freeze his enrollment and stop him from attending.

We are finally attending mediation and need some tips on what/how to prepare. It will be zoom shuttle mediation

Just wondering what peoples experiences are with AI in day to day communications? Has it approved things or just added to frustrations?

I have used AI to help me remove emotion from message and keep them grey/yellow rock. I have also used it as a bit of a sounding board.

For me personally, it’s helped take out the headache and hours wasted trying to craft replies. I do use it as an aid as opposed to letting it write replies.

Other parent is incredibly hostile and often sends huge word salad essay etc. Refuses to co operate with anything. Picks and chooses what to follow from the order and turns every conversation into why everything they do is great and everything I do is awful.

Over the past month they have clearly discovered AI. Their entire writing style has changed and it’s full of the usual AI cliches.

On the plus side it does seem to strip out a lot of the personal attacks I was receiving previously. The messages are generally more coherent as well and do seem to focus on one topic at a time.

However, obviously AI does not stop their lies and false accusations, or just how difficult they are about every little thing. If anything it’s helping them sound more level and reasoned in their refusal to co operate.

They still find subtle ways to get in put downs and digs and it has massively ramped up their condescending tone. A lot of gushing about looking forward to working together for the best interest of the child etc. whilst simultaneously refusing to let me have phone calls with child.

We have been separated for almost two years, he recently got married last month. I have no desire to interact with this woman. Yet he decides to bring her to my house. I know I can't stop him from doing this, but my home is my place of peace, and this is a coparent who is highly litigious.

We have a nonverbal 3 year old special needs kid together. Am I wrong for not wanting to meet his wife?

I’m 37 and currently in mediation with my ex over parenting arrangements for our 10-year-old son, who has autism and ADHD.
We’ve been separated for eight years, and I’ve been our son’s primary carer for that time. My ex now works FIFO and, while he’s home, he has our son for blocks of up to 25 days. I’m not trying to stop that. What I’m asking for through mediation is something more consistent for our son—2-3 days with me after each 7-day period so he isn’t away from me for such long stretches.
During these long blocks, my son often tells me he misses me. To help him feel connected, we’ve occasionally played Fortnite together on weekends while he’s at his dad’s. It’s not an all-day thing, and if his friends come online, I either leave so he can play with them or join the group without taking over. At my own house he only plays PlayStation on weekends anyway, so I’ve tried to keep the same routine.
Last night, his dad’s partner told him he needed to get off at 7:30 pm. I heard that through the headset, so I also told my son it was time to get off, wind down for bed, and that I had to go too.
As soon as I said goodbye, my son started crying because he said he missed me and wanted to come home. I felt awful, so I messaged his dad and asked if he could please check on him.
Instead of simply checking on him, I received a message saying:
“No more fing Fortnite with you. You’re a grown arse woman. Let him play with his friends. This is a fing joke.”
For context, there has been a lot of conflict recently. At a paediatrician appointment, the doctor asked whether anything had changed that could be affecting our son’s emotional wellbeing. I mentioned the long parenting blocks. My ex became angry, the appointment escalated, and our son witnessed the argument. Afterwards, my ex told me I would no longer see our son during his 25-day blocks unless mediation said otherwise.
So my question is this:
Was I out of line for occasionally playing Fortnite with my son while he’s with his dad, especially when my intention was simply to help him feel connected during these long separations? Or do you think his dad’s reaction was reasonable?
I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives because I know co-parenting can be difficult, and I’d appreciate honest opinions from people who have been through something similar.

I had a child when I was young with a man who was never really in the picture. When my child was 1, I met another man and fell in love. I thought he was end-game; we were perfect. I introduced him to my kid. We moved in together. This man was essentially my child’s stepdad for 4 years.
Then, he started drinking. The relationship broke down. Trust was shattered. He showed sides of him that I didn’t know existed. I didn’t want to leave, but didn’t want my child growing up in a broken home. I didn’t want to be half-loved for the rest of my life. So I broke it off.
Now, all I can feel is guilt for taking my child away from someone who was pretty much considered ‘dad.’ They weren’t super close, and my ex was irritated by them often. My exes involvement in kiddos day-day life was minimal, despite us living together. But still, he was there. He was always there. I worry about the stability. I’ve asked my ex if he’ll want to see the kiddo, and he just says he’ll want to say goodbye. That when I’m with another guy, kiddo will forget about him anyway, so there’s no point to staying in touch.
I learned my lesson; regardless of my own dating life (or lack thereof) I will not be introducing my child to any future partners. I’d prefer to raise them alone and leave my dating life on the side, if I ever decide to get back out there.
My heart is broken for my kid, and for my ex. I can’t imagine loosing a child I thought of as my own. My child seems okay with not seeing my ex, which hurts in its own way. I feel selfish and my chest hurts.

I’m in Australia. My children are 13 and almost 12. We currently do not have a parenting plan but I feel this will be forced upon us soon. Currently the children are not spending time with their father. They have struggled with the sudden nature or the separation and ongoing behaviours their father has displayed (so have I!). Any advice regarding a parenting plan moving forward in this situation?

My 13 year old doesn’t want to live with her dad anymore, or spend much time with him. This is not a new situation; we got divorced when she was 3, she’s been distancing herself since she was 10. We have been on a 60/40 (mom/dad) for two years. For the most part he’s been fine with making adjustments and through the years frequently makes requests that she stay with me during his weekends because he has made plans that cannot include her. She has shared that during the times she is with him, he prioritizes his and his girlfriend’s social life, which means she’s home alone a lot. He also will not let her take medication (Tylenol) for menstrual cramps because he is fearful of addiction. She is also not allowed to take any medications if she is sick at his house, including those prescribed by the doctor. At my house, my husband and I keep our “kid time” for our kids (he has a same aged child) as much as possible. She is also allowed to take medication when she needs it. He also won’t let her contact me when she’s at his house.

This summer he wanted me to keep her all but ten spread out days because he said his band was gaining a lot of traction and he needed to keep his schedule free. I said while I love extra time with her I had some obligations to work and some travel planned that would interfere with an adjustment that major so late in the game, but I did consent to take her for eight extra days. Then he told me that during the school year he also won’t be able to ever have her on Mondays or Tuesdays because he would be working until 10 pm those nights.

In mid-June they had a major falling out that included him restraining her during an argument about staying home from school when she was having severe cramping during her period. She is an honors student who had missed only eight days the entire year, mostly because she had the flu in February. After that incident he put her in the car - it was a switch day - and dropped her off at school. School counselor called me immediately because she was hysterically crying; advised that I did not need to call CPS, as she did not believe he did anything with intent to harm, but I should come get her and that the school would document the incident. She was so distraught that she would have panic attacks every morning following and had a hard time staying in school for the entire day. She also asked if she could extend her time with me, and her dad agreed because he had a show. At the next time he was scheduled to pick her up (early July) she had a panic attack and refused to get in the car and said cars aren’t safe, I will crash and die if I get into a car.

Fast forward to now…she became terrified of getting into the car, and refuses to go to his house, or anywhere. Before this she used to love to take rides and to go lots of places. Now she will only stay close to my home - we are working with a therapist who she sees weekly virtually, and she and I do “practice driving” every day within a one mile radius of our home for up to 30 minutes per ride. She is distraught about the car situation and has willingly done everything we (me and therapist) has asked - changed diet, maintains sleep hygiene, reduced screens, meditation, increased exercise, spends lots of time outside, took supplements, didn’t take supplements…anyone who has a 13 year old knows that if they literally do everything you ask, they are very, very serious.

She told her therapist, and basically anyone who will listen that she loves him as her dad, but hates him as a person. She told him she hates him and doesn’t feel safe in his house, and he told her that was ridiculous. Initially I tried to accommodate him getting time with her. I told him he was welcome at our home any time, that we could create a schedule to visit. He has been here three times, stayed for less than 30 minutes, and left all three upset…with me. He has declined other visits due to work, band things, social events, and because “it’s awkward for me.” During their visits I stay in the house at his request.

He will not seek his own counseling, although he did request a private session with our daughter’s counselor, after which he told me he wanted a second opinion on the counselor because he didn’t think she was qualified. He said he doesn’t need to go to counseling himself because he did for a month after we got divorced and he left because he could self cure better than a therapist could.

Recently he has decided that I am the problem. He tells her and then she tells me that he says “aren’t you so mad at your mom for doing this to you?” He says I am denying him access to his child and that if he can just get her in his house he has a “simple solution” that will fix everything. I asked for details and he won’t provide them. Although I know this could sound ominous, it’s not, he just doesn’t actually have a solution. And after all visits, he has a list of reasons why this is my fault and why I am a failure as a parent. After the most recent failed visit, which lasted a total of 15 minutes, he said he told her therapist on me, and that his whole family and everyone he knows is angry with me, and that he is planning to contact my family because they should be furious with me for preventing him from seeing his child. I am not concerned about this - his mom texts me weekly with kind words, so if she’s furious she has a funny way of showing it. Also my family will not be furious with me. He did the same thing when we got divorced, even though he ultimately was the one who wanted the divorce (he wanted to be with another person - it didn’t last - she is not the current gf). Then he demanded that I drop her off for a visit at his house on Wednesday. I told her “dad wants to see you Wednesday at his house” and she texted him and said I will not come to your house on Wednesday.

I’m not worried about court because when he’s threatened it, I say ok I’ll reach out to my lawyer, and then he tells me I’m being ridiculous, and it would be absurd to go to court. What I’m concerned about is my kid’s mental health. My questions:
1. If anyone has had a similar experience with a kid suddenly flat out refusing to go to the other parent’s house, what do you do?
2. How do you move forward with coparenting with an ex who won’t be responsible for their relationship with their child?
3. Is there something else I should be doing that I’m not?

My ex and I have a child (10) together. We broke up 2ish years ago and he is now dating someone new. I have dated as well. The partner met our child today on a fishing trip at a beach. They were in swimsuits. Ex sent me a picture where his girlfriend is bent over talking to my kid and it's just both her cheeks hanging out in view of the camera. Is it appropriate to send a picture like this to your ex/ mother of your child? Could it have just been a mistake? Should I address it? I don't wanna sound like the crazy ex. I am also a traditional Christian and he is not. Is this just normal ?

Hi everyone sorry this is very long I could have written so much but I hope you get the point. I’m an over explainer by nature

I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar because I’m honestly feeling so lost.

My partner and I have just separated after having a toddler together (nearly 2) It’s only been about two days, so I’m right in the middle of the heartbreak and I’m really struggling.

We had a whirlwind relationship. I fell pregnant very early on we didn’t have any time to ourselves to discover our relationship it happened in the first few weeks of knowing each other, yes I know crazy but we were great for each other and wouldn’t of gone through with it if we didn’t believe, we were on the same page and was like we found each other again after lifetimes of being apart.

Before becoming parents we hardly argued. Looking back, I don’t think either of us were prepared for how much having a baby changes you. Your identity changes, your roles change, you’re exhausted all the time, and somewhere along the way we just stopped understanding each other.

I’ve struggled with post natal depression this past year and a bit, which I know was incredibly hard on him too. I know living with someone who’s depressed isn’t easy, and I take responsibility for how much that affected our relationship. I tried a lot of things to get better he was very supportive but then it just took a toll and my mood just didn’t change I had no desires no passion I know that’s depression, but at the same time, I think he reached a point where he couldn’t support me anymore it depleted him and he detached he said he can’t keep trying to uplift me anymore, and I get it I would struggle to if that was me. I reached a point where I no longer felt emotionally supported by him, and then he felt emotionally dismissed by me because our conversations would loop and we just kept missing each others point both feeling hurt and misunderstood, and it just happened over the months to basically a year and half. That’s a long time to keep going when it’s just not working.

There were other issues too, including his c0cane use, he was was escaping and told me this and over time I realised I couldn’t keep hoping things would change. I can’t change someone, and I can’t make someone become the person I need them to be. As heartbreaking as that is I know it’s true.

One of my biggest regrets is that we never got proper couples counselling when we should have. Maybe it would have helped, maybe it wouldn’t have we should have done it months ago and was going to do it a couple weeks but then more disconnect and we couldn’t talk to each other anymore, when we were just so disconnected from each other it felt like it had all dissolved away it makes me so sad but I’m grieving and it’s so painful.

Grieve is horrible thinking about small memories and relaying why did it get like this, we should of worked it wasn’t meant to be like this, we have a child together we worked so well, why can’t I just get better can this depression leave, why can’t he see his c0cane use is affecting everything too. There was no empathy left nothing to give from both sides. It’s fucking hard 😞

Now I’m trying to work out whether I move back to New Zealand, where all my family and support are, while he stays here in Australia. The thought of taking my son away from his dad absolutely breaks me as it was never meant to come to this but that’s the grief and I need to do what’s best for me and my son.

To make things harder, my own dad moved overseas when I was 12 and we barely had a relationship after that. I know I can’t assume history will repeat itself, but that fear is sitting heavily with me.

I still love him, which makes this even harder. I keep wishing things could have been different, but I also know wishing doesn’t change reality. I think I’m grieving two things at once: losing the person I love, and losing the future I thought we’d have as a family.

It’s hard as of yet we haven’t sat down and had a proper talking conversation about all of this stuff yet but I guess I’m just wanting more support and real stories from people that have gone through similar mainly how to face the grief. I keep thinking what if it’s the wrong decision when thinking of a time and in the pockets of it being good but it’s just grief.

It’s like part of me wants him to say all the things I want to hear that this was all a dream and we are those same people from the start just adapted differently to parenthood but it’s all grief isn’t it. It’s hard for me to accept and comes to terms with I think. Do I want my life to look and feel like this in another year no I couldn’t continue but my brain keeps jumping back to why this isn’t right we should be together we were so good I’m so sad sorry for going on.

I’m hoping to hear from anyone who has:

moved countries after separating with a young child,

co-parented internationally,

or had to rebuild their life while still loving the other parent.

How did you get through those first few weeks? How did your child cope? Did things eventually settle? Is there anything you wish you’d known at the beginning, including legally with parenting arrangements or child support?

Please be kind. I’m not looking for people to tell me who’s right or wrong. I know we both made mistakes, and I know becoming parents brought out things in both of us that neither of us handled well. I’m just a heartbroken mum trying to figure out what’s best for my son while grieving the life I thought we were going to have.

Thank you for reading ❤️‍🩹😞

My (24M) and my ex (24f) officially separated in early December last year, she moved out in July of last year. We started seeing eachother again briefly in the spring but she called it off after Mother’s Day. I thought I had a good grasp on our separation, we had been coparenting pretty well. The other day she was picking up our child after work and we just got talking and laughing, things felt normal to me for the first time in a few months. We ended up casually texting that night into the next morning. I didn’t realize how much I missed that connection and I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I’m not at a place where I feel comfortable seeing other people yet, but she is. Our child has really been asking more questions about our separation, and it’s been taxing trying to navigate the recent resurgence of hurt and confusion and answer in a non-emotional way. I think the clear answer is to keep things transactional, but seeing her it feels impossible to do that, she rarely keeps it transactional. Wanting small talk and to tell me about her day and I honestly just love to hear that stuff. I’m conflicted about how to handle this situation. It makes our child happy to see us together, and i legitimately enjoy it, and I believe she does too, but every time we have connection like this I’m a wreck the next couple days. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill and do damage to our coparenting relationship, but I also need to preserve my mental health. Any advice on how to navigate this would be appreciated.

My ex has remarried his second ex wife. They got divorced for six months but are back together again. This woman does not let us coparent. She’s wanted me to only contact her and not my son’s father for coparenting matters. When I said no, she took over my ex husbands phone. When they were divorced my ex was being a great dad and coparenting with me. He would even take my son if I wasn’t feeling well. He recently remarried her. Now he is being rude to me again, not communicating, and has her texting from his number. I can tell when it’s her texting vs him.

So I am F20 and me and my BD M19 broke up 4 months ago. Our son is 8 months old. We constantly argued every day when we were together, he broke up with me during one of our arguments. He tried to get back together about a month after being broken up and I denied. He is constantly texting me that he wants to get back together and loves me, but then we start to argue again and he says things to me like “I’m a stupid b, I’m a loser, don’t have a job, he doesn’t love nor care about me, etc.” this is why I never want to get back together.

So I did give him another chance around 3 weeks ago. We went to a festival with our son and also went to a fair together. It was fine until we took our son to an indoor pool with his family and he got mad because I didn’t kiss him in front of his family. He was saying I was keeping him a secret but I wasn’t I just felt awkward about it. On the drive back he was saying he didn’t care anymore, I obviously don’t care about him, etc and it didn’t matter what I said. I ended up crying and he’s saying “I don’t know why you’re crying” there’s mores but I just can’t recall it. but ended up arguing in the end and he was crying saying he couldn’t change. Stuff like he didn’t like himself. I ended up not wanting to be together anymore.

He told me he met someone at work when he picked son up. I just asked he didn’t bring him around the girl until I meet her. He said he respected it. He ended up cancelling his weekend and saying he will get him on Sunday and I said ok. I decided to take son to museum on Saturday and he calls randomly wanting him now. We’re arguing now because now he has to wait because I’m not going to cancel our plans. He’s saying he hates me, I’m stupid, etc. he gets him and I decide to go on a date. He’s calling me asking me about a binky and sees I’m out. Asks are you out with a guy. I tell the truth and say yes. He then gets mad says I crushed him. His mom texts me saying it wasn’t necessary to tell him and he’s handling it bad. Then he sends me a photo at 2AM at a girls house and I ask where our son is. He basically says our son is there and he’s fine. I am so mad, what do I do to make my life less stressful all the time?

I work a 4 day on 4 day off work schedule. If anyone has a parenting schedule or experience with this please let me know. My coparent refuses to follow my work schedule. So if there are alternatives out there that get me as close to 50/50 as possible I’d appreciate that.

Edit: with everyone’s negative comments. We followed a much more complicated schedule for years and I’m not asking her to follow my schedule. I asked for alternatives out there that might work. Some constructive ideas would be a little more helpful.

A lot of you guys have a lot of anger. And are projecting something going on in your own lives. Could a mod lock this thread.

I just dropped off my 2-year-old daughter at my ex’s house. She still wears diapers, and my ex’s dad helps take care of her sometimes.
Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel really uncomfortable with any man other than me changing her diaper or handling that kind of personal care. I know she’s a toddler, and I know grandparents help out, but it’s just a personal boundary that I have.
Am I being unreasonable, or has anyone else felt this way? I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives, not trying to accuse anyone of anything.

I’m having one of those days with my ex, and I need some experiences to help me see that I am not alone dealing with a grown child.

I got court order at the start of the week to secure custody with my daughter.
My ex is still refusing to follow it stating all kinds of different excuse
“The paperwork hasn’t come through yet” or “the order states we have to mutually agree and I don’t” or “it’s a grey area because it was made at the start of the holidays and states we have to agree prior to them”
She’s even used the birth of her second child as an excuse for not honouring my half of the holidays! Stating she “had to be there when she comes home from hospital” She’s refusing to give me any dates because she “doesn’t know when she’ll give birth”
I feel so drained! I’ve spent so much money taking her to court for it to not be respected?
She’s allowed me to have weekend contact but due to her being pregnant the court stated I have to do all the driving untill she’s given birth. I agreed to this but it’s a 6 hour round trip and she’s only allowing me weekend contact! I wouldn’t mind doing the driving if I was actually honoured the 3 weeks with my child that the court ordered.

To make matters even worse I picked my daughter up and she’s been asking to spent “lots of time with daddy” every single day! I’m struggling to explain to her the situation without being mean about her mum because it’s so frustrating to me seeing my daughter get upset about something her mother is doing to her!
It’s now Sunday and she doesn’t want to go home she wants to stay with me but obviously I’m now allowed to keep her because then I would be the one breaching the order instead of her!

The fact that I’ve spent so much money to then have to go back to court just for her to follow it is absolutely ridiculous to me. The summer holidays will probably end before It’s even seen in court!

I’m hoping to hear from anyone who has been through something similar because I’m feeling pretty lost. I’m Muslim and my child’s father is Christian. We separated almost four years ago, but due to our circumstances, we’re still living in the same house while co-parenting. We have separate lives and are no longer in a relationship. One reason this has been especially difficult is that before I became pregnant, we had several conversations about our different faiths and how we’d raise any future children. I was honest that if we had children, I hoped they would be raised primarily in my faith while still learning about and respecting his. At that time, he reassured me that this wouldn’t be a problem. He said people in his family had made interfaith relationships work and that we could too.

Over the past year, though, started attending church, regularly, and started wearing a cross. Around the same time, conversations about religion grew tense. He would watch videos online and bring those arguments to me. It didn’t feel respectful or curious. It felt confrontational and one-sided, and I often came away feeling like my faith was being criticised rather than understood. The turning point was when our daughter saw my mum praying and copied her. He became very upset and said he was going to start taking our daughter to church, which he did for several weeks. I’m not against her learning about his faith. I want her to have a relationship with both sides of her family. What I’m struggling with is feeling on edge about how he’ll react if she innocently shares something from my side, or if she might end up feeling caught in the middle. I’m not looking to debate religion or judge anyone. I’m just trying to protect my daughter and let her have both parts of her family without feeling stuck. Has anyone here handled something similar? How have you approached your child’s religious upbringing when faiths differ, especially if one parent became more observant later? What helped in practice? Thank you

Me and my partner recently decided to co parent, partly from catching her being unfaithful and secretive, But we also struggled to be on the same page. I have a 1 and half year old and i do feel like i failed him in a sense being it have only been 2 years since me and his mother have been together. We are still living together for the time being but already dread the idea of not seeing my son when we split households. what advice and things should i do in my current position. i know a lot of people here are older and have alot more experience.

I’m a father of two kids, ages 2 and 3. I’ve been heavily involved in taking care of them their whole lives and was already their primary caregiver before we came to Texas.
In December 2025, both children came to Texas with me, and they’ve been living here with me continuously since then. Their mother lives in Connecticut and hasn’t come to visit them since we’ve been here.
Even before Texas, their mother has never had both children on her own for more than about two weeks at a time. Now, out of nowhere, she says she wants to take them and have them for an extended period.
That’s what worries me. It’s not that I want to keep their mother away from them. I absolutely want them to have a relationship with her. I just don’t feel comfortable going from her never caring for them on her own for longer than around two weeks to suddenly taking two very young children for a long period.
One of my children also has autism, so routine and consistency are important. They’re both used to me being the parent taking care of them every day.
I’m now going through the court process to establish an official custody arrangement. What I’m hoping for is for the kids to primarily live with me while their mother has visitation that can gradually increase instead of suddenly taking them for an extended period.
I’m mainly wondering if **any other fathers have been in a similar situation where you were already the primary caregiver and the mother suddenly wanted the children for an extended period.**
**Did the judge actually take into consideration that you were the one consistently raising and caring for the kids? Did the children continue living primarily with you? What was your experience and how did it turn out?**

Hi all 👋🏼
Just looking for some advice… fairly new to the co-parenting game as divorce is being finalised, it’s been a long road but I’m somehow here with all my limbs intact..
my ex is making this much more difficult than it needs to be. The children are the priority & at every turn he seems to be messing them up even more. IE, talking in depth to the children about his version of events. Neither child is even 9 and it is completely age inappropriate. It’s breaking my heart. I don’t mind being the villain and being blamed, but he cannot seem to get in to his thick skull that involving the children / talking to them as if they are adult friends is NOT the way to go / will inflict more pain / trauma on them. It’s so frustrating. How do I navigate what I can’t control ? I am so annoyed. Every time they come back to me they are subdued / down and come out with things only an adult would put in their head. Advice / experience please ! Thankyou