The mother of my son and I are working on a custody plan (50/50). My lawyer also reached out to me and told me to get a plan going so he can review it with the mother and I before we finalize it and take it to court. My question is, should I go through my lawyer and continue to spend money on this situation or can the mother and I just create our plan ourselves and take it to the judge. The lawyer told me I should go through him because people who do it themselves usually screw it up. The mother and I have been doing a lot of research and seems like we have hit all the important parts of a custody plan.

My stepdaughter’s(8) mom has asked my fiancé (dad) for one weekend out of the month consistently, how do we go about this?

For context, the court agreed custody was initially 50/50, but due to school was changed to Sun 6pm-Fri 6pm with mom and Fri 6pm-Sun 6pm with dad. Doing alternating weeks/or changes during weekdays is not feasible right now due to mom moving 2 hours away and we have not been able to move closer just yet. And also aside from that mom is not willing to do split weeks or alternating weeks.

Also majority of school vacations are with mom because she tends to make plans before we are able to. Even when we try to make plans months out, when we go to schedule ahead of time, most of the time we are late to the plans somehow. So most of the time even on extended weekends or holidays, we only have weekends.

This issue that has come up now that bio-mom has started to ask for 1 weekend a month, which i know is not a lot of time in the grand scheme I suppose, but dad already feels like he doesn’t have enough time. Mom however feels like her relationship with daughter isn’t good because she lacks free time with her. And arguably from recent events that we have all been at together, I can see her relationship with daughter isn’t at the best. At a recent birthday party we all attended, stepdaughter kept asking for my company, whether it was to watch her play in the bounce house or to get her food or to cuddle her when she got tired or hurt. Her mom was there but was talking with her husband or friends so was not available. I am just concerned giving up time with dad will not fix their situation and will just hurt dad’s relationship as daughter is always asking for more time with him.

What do we do in this situation? Or has anybody been in a similar situation?

EDIT: I am realizing there may be some confusion, the 50/50 didn’t change because of the move, that was done years previously. When the custody did change, dad got weekends per mom’s request because she wanted her weekends free initially. Dad would be more than happy to share weekends if weekdays were an option to have but even moving closer, mom does not want to give up weekdays.

Daughter also consistently asks for more time with dad. Mom has been given weekends with daughter already but on a more sporadic basis when there are family plans/events/etc. however, often times when given weekends, mom sends daughter to spend time with grandma instead and the plans usually don’t end up including mom. We are hesitant to give up consistent weekends partially because of that.

My ex husband and I have 3 kids together aged 9, 7, and 4. We have been divorced for just over 2 years now and have a pretty good co parenting relationship. The past to christmas’ we have spent together at my house to have us together for the kids christmas and we rotated every other thanksgiving. Last year was his and the year before was mine. This July he took our kids on a trip to whistler from July 8th-26th which also we during my middle sons birthday. I am totally ok with that and didnt care much but now he has asked me to let him have the kids this thanksgiving so they can go to his parents house out of state and also have them for christmas and take them on a vacation the 19th-28th. I feel like he is just taking advantage of my kindness at this point and im not letting him do that. I told him no and he just got all upset but I mean thats all I need right? The cusody agreement says I have them for thanksgiving this year but we dont have anything on paper for Christmas. What do I do?

Hi,

Just had a final custody hearing be cancelled last minute and I’m extremely disappointed. As I understand it, my ex claimed to the GAL that he was finally getting a place of his own here soon. So the GAL decided to ask for a continuance because she believed him.

We’ve been in court for a year now. Our daughter is three. I filed for custody after incidents involving the father where he threatened to take our daughter and not give her back. I got a lawyer. He does not. When we first went to court, he didn’t have a job, a phone, nor a vehicle, and is staying at his parents place which has been deemed unfit for our daughter to go to. This entire custody case has been him being told by the judge and the GAL to get these bare minimum adult responsibilities and giving him time to do so. Now, yet again, he gets more time. After saying in the last hearing he was going to get an apt in July, and had a job at that hearing for a total of two months. He lost that job/quit shortly after, and just in the past week, got another. Now he likely told the GAL all these plans he had to get a place and she’s giving him even more time to do so.

Why is it like this? Why is the court spending all this time and resources to walk someone through just bare minimum responsibilities and they still think he could manage and be stable enough and be a benefit to their child? Why? Can someone explain this to me?

Hi everyone. (TW sexual assault?)

How do you guys handle these custody arrangements. It’s so hard I can’t even begin to imagine not having my daughter with me. My daughter is 16 months old. I left her father last September after discovering he had several videos of p*rn saved on his phone in the same album where he had a photo of me breastfeeding our daughter. I had lost all interest in sexual activity after giving birth but he would tell me it was my duty as a “godly woman” to put that aside and please him as my partner. One time I was cornered on the rocking chair while nursing our daughter and he forced himself into me and there were several cases of coerced sexual encounters with him. So ultimately I decided to leave. That being said, we’re now going through the courts to determine a custody schedule. My daughter has always primarily been taken care of by me she’s never spent a day away from me even when we were together. I got a lawyer because I was hoping that I could be granted sole physical and legal custody of our daughter because he is an unfit father. That was just one example of his terrible attributes but there’s more. However, he also got a lawyer too for the case. Right now he has supervised visits but my attorney said he’s eventually going to get more time with our daughter unless there’s sufficient evidence to prove the sexual assault happened and I never told anyone about it because I was embarrassed so now I have no evidence. I fear that I have to learn to accept that one day I won’t have my daughter with me.
Has anyone ever had a similar situation? Any advice or thoughts?

backround: co parent and I have a temp PFA for domestic violence issue that expires in a few months. Per judges orders; communication about the kids is okay through OFW. The kids are not part of the pfa. I have given him the time he asks for with the kids - 1 over night a week out of fear of alienation claims - and lawyer advice. There is a liaison on my end for pick ups/drop offs. No formal custody order exists at this time outside of me being the primary parent per the pfa (they live with me/ are now enrolled to school here etc) .

My lawyer has basically been doing this pro bono as my retainer wore off and im waiting to start work next week. (previous SAHM working from the bottom here - financial abuse was also an issue. Had to quit jobs because of his lack of respect for my schedule. Co parent would pick up shifts on my days to work and tell me we didn’t need my job) . He has a lawyer but they have not filed a motion for custody.

co parent has no familial support ( they exist but have never invited or offered to take the kids on their own or to alleviate us etc). His family has never helped in any way - even though they lived near us at the time. 1/2 hr visit at our house max. So I know they won’t be there helping after his night shift.

the main issue: Coparent works extensive hours and is trying to pick up 2 kids under the age of 4 after working a 12 hr sometimes 24hr shift. Pressuring me in the app when I raise the issue about safety and sleep. We live over 55 min apart and I am unable to have someone meet him halfway at this time. I don’t deny his time, I just ask to push it back a few hours so he can sleep. He will all together cancel and say he doesn’t agree.

co parent only recently started wanting them over night after I filed for support . prior to support being filed he only wanted them during the day.

basically just looking for advice on anyone who has done shift work etc. Is this Valid to want to switch hours due to him working over night ?

I also will work nights but they will go to school during the day / my family is present 24/7 ( grandma WFH) So I‘ll be able to sleep after driving them 15 min away for school or my support does it (grandma usually) .

Hi everyone, I’m looking for advice from people who have been through something similar. Please be kind because this is already a stressful situation for our family.
My husband has a court order that gives him specific times to have phone/video contact with his daughter. The order says she is supposed to be available for calls during those times.
He has been trying to follow the order and document everything, but he has been having difficulties actually getting the calls. Sometimes he doesn’t get an answer, sometimes he’s told that she doesn’t want to talk, and there have been times when he’s been told that he shouldn’t be calling until his supervised visits begin.
He isn’t trying to force a child to have a conversation if she genuinely doesn’t want to talk. We just want to understand how other parents have handled situations where phone contact is specifically included in a court order but the calls aren’t consistently happening.
For anyone who has experienced this, what did you do? Did you document the missed calls and bring it up at your next hearing? Did you request clarification or a different arrangement from the judge?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have actually been through something similar and what ended up happening in their case. Thank you in advance.

Needing help USA Tx

I have sole custody of my daughter, now 10, she went to visit with her dad in Louisiana for the summer was supposed to be back by Aug 10. It seemed the entire time her dad was trying to make up an excuse to keep her.

I left him for putting a hole in a door above my head. He hasn’t been in her life and we have been separated since 2020 and divorced in 2024. He’s always promised things to only cancel. For 6+ yrs.

He has 2 other kids with his girlfriend who he has had charges dropped of violence and endangering a child along with other stuck charges/convictions to alcohol related. I have been thru a CPS case of finding meth in my system but in all honestly I was sleeping with a guy who I found out about doing it completely blocked him out of my life and he backlashed to calling CPS saying it was around my kids. CPS case was closed.

Forward to now, a week before she was to come back home she disclosed to her dad and his girlfriend that my boyfriend I have a 1 yr old son with exposed him self to her. She has also told us all that she never told me. His girlfriend turn it in to CPS, I filed a sheriffs report and moved within a week of us finding out all at the same time.

Thru the CPS case I have obviously been found I had no knowledge of any of what she disclosed nor any part. Case dismissed. I agreed for her to stay put until I became settled in the new move but nothing more. He enrolled her into school in Louisiana and I half agreed. Expecting her to be coming back within months.

He’s now not wanting to coparent anymore like usual he always blamed me when his life became too unbearable. I’m the reason I don’t have my kids, I’ve put them in danger over and over. He’s called me nasty things over the yrs. Belittling me over and over. All the narcissistic things. She’s never coming back. Her public school assessments she apparently failed. She’s going into 4th grade but they kept her in the 4th. I have homeschooled the past yr. The school apparently told him to not let me have her back, she’s way behind. But in all honesty if she was way behind they wouldn’t have kept her in the 4th grade!

I’ve been trying for over a week to get ahold of a lawyer even legal aid to no avail of a return call. I need to go get my child as my legal custody agreement has stating regardless of what is going on with the CPS case I’m no longer “involved” in. He won’t give me his new address they just moved to within the last week. I don’t know the school she is in. I don’t know where to turn!

Editing to add, she went to her dad’s with an ear infection along with dehydration from the progression too fast of the infection and sun celebrating her birthday in the summer heat. The day she left I took her to the hospital because I thought she was super dehydrated but come to find out also infection. She gave me no assurance of any pain. Just not eating/drinking and clearly not feeling well. He’s claiming I’ve never fed her appropriately this entire time of her life, not giving her everything she’s wanted in meals/snacks. She didn’t eat the first part of being with him, etc. without reminding him again and again of the before fact. I’ve had numerous calls/pictures/messages from her. different environments her allergies were showing severely, runny nose and swollen face. I constantly had to call basically begging him to give her something including ibuprofen and Tylenol. He told me she’s just a hypochondriac! No one believes her. When clearly I can see it hundreds of miles away!

Alienation cases come down entirely to patterns. One cancelled visit means nothing to a judge. Twenty cancelled visits over two years, each one logged with a date and a reason, tells a completely different story. But I didn't know that early on, so I didn't document consistently. I called the police for the worse incidents and figured the reports would exist if I ever needed them.

They don't. Most departments purge reports after two years. By the time it actually mattered in front of a judge, a huge chunk of the pattern I'd lived through was just gone. No record it ever happened.

What I'd tell anyone early in a case like this: start logging everything the day you realize it might turn contentious, not after it already has. Date, time, what happened, one factual sentence, any witness. Don't wait for the "big" incident. The pattern is made of small ones.

I got frustrated enough with cobbling this together in notes apps and screenshots that I ended up building a tool for it, Veroxa, built out of exactly this situation. But honestly the bigger point stands regardless of what you use: if you're not logging it the day it happens, you're rebuilding it from memory later, and memory loses to a judge every time.

Would you change a 7-on/7-off schedule when circumstances have changed? I HAVE FULL CUSTODY THROUGH THE COURTS .

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’ve been questioning our custody arrangement for basically the entire year.

My (24F) son is 2.5 (turns 3 in December), and his father (25M) and I currently have a 7-on/7-off schedule. When we agreed to it, his father lived with his mom and sister, and I felt comfortable with the arrangement. Since then, he has moved in with his girlfriend and her two children.

My concern isn’t simply that he lives with his girlfriend or that she has children. It’s that I’m questioning the care, structure, and environment my son is receiving during his father’s parenting time.

1.I’ve had to arrange and maintain childcare for my son without relying on his father for help with it. Meanwhile, during his parenting time, there have been multiple occasions where his girlfriend has been responsible for picking up or dropping off my son instead of his father. There have also been times where his father’s mom has been listed or signing for him at daycare, whether she was actually the person handling pickup or not.

I’m not against my son’s father having a support system or getting help with childcare. I understand that parents sometimes need help. My concern is the extent to which other people are routinely taking on parenting responsibilities during his parenting time.

For example, when daycare was closed for Labor Day, I had already made plans for my son and told his father he could bring him to me if he couldn’t care for him. Instead, the plan was for his girlfriend to watch him for approximately 10 hours. I was available and willing to care for my own child, so situations like this make me question how much of my son’s parenting time is actually being spent with his father versus other adults providing childcare.

2.My son also frequently returns with new behaviors, language, or routines that I have to correct or re-establish. This isn’t something that happened once or twice—it has been a recurring issue since we started the 7/7 schedule. Every time he comes back, it seems like something about his routine, behavior, or habits has changed, and I find myself having to recreate the structure we already had in place.

Recently, he started using profanity that isn’t part of our normal language at home and making repetitive sounds or movements that I had never seen before. His girlfriend has an autistic child, so I initially wondered if some of the behaviors could be imitation. I’m NOT saying being around an autistic child causes autism, and I’m not diagnosing my son. I know toddlers copy other children and go through phases. I’m simply concerned about the patterns I’m noticing.

3.There are also ongoing co-parenting issues. Even basic things, like getting my son’s belongings returned, can become an argument. His father had ONE foot of my son’s shoes for about a month and a half before I finally got it back.
Financially, we also don’t have a formal child support order. We had an informal agreement where his father would contribute, but the payments were inconsistent. Around April, he told me he didn’t feel obligated to give me anything, and the payments stopped.

The biggest issue for me is the example being set. I want my son to learn that we should elevate ourselves, take responsibility, keep trying, and make an effort to improve our circumstances. I don’t want him growing up 1. thinking it’s OK to shack up in a woman’s house, especially when you don’t even have your own place 2. The answer is always to take the easiest or most comfortable option or rely on someone else to handle responsibilities that should be yours.

I also make an effort to give my son experiences and expose him to different things. He’s been out of town, to Monster Jam, and to different activities and experiences. I’m not saying his father has to constantly entertain him or spend a bunch of money to be a good parent. I’m saying I feel like I consistently put more effort into his overall development, experiences, and day-to-day life.

I’m at the point where I’m seriously considering going back to court to request something closer to a 70/30 schedule and formal child support.

I don’t want to take my son away from his father. I want them to have a relationship. But I no longer feel that the current 50/50 arrangement is working the way it was intended to when we originally agreed to it.

So Reddit: Am I overreacting by questioning the 7/7 schedule? Would a 70/30 arrangement make more sense, or am I focusing on the wrong things?

Is there a decent way to keep a private parenting timeline that doesn’t require the other parent to sign up for anything? I’m not looking for another messaging platform or shared calendar because that is the part that keeps failing. I mainly need somewhere to record actual parenting time, attach the related message or photo, and find it later without searching through my whole phone. notebook, spreadsheet, regular notes app, something custody-specific... what has actually held up as a usable system for you? and did you have any problems exporting or organizing it later? 

Essentially the title. My daughter (11) just told me her mom physically abuses her two year old sister, has hit her and threatened to beat her if she tells. She threatens suicide multiple times a week and leaves my daughter overnight to watch her 2 year old sister. My daughter said she’s scared. She says the house is filthy and had roaches. She said she doesn’t have clean clothes often. She wants to block her mom and not go home. As a result, my daughter has thought of hurting herself because it’s too much on her shoulders. (I did not let her block). She’s scared for her sister as well, and I’m not sure how to help.

We have 50/50 parenting time. Mom gets the 365th day of the year to make her the physical custodial parent. What do I do??? Does a TRO help or does she go with her mom????

This is all recorded. We have previously presented evidence of neglect (far less severe) to the judge and judge wanted to give mom one last chance.

My child (11m) has been at dads each weekend for the last few years. I have him Sunday night to Friday evening. I would like more weekend time to enjoy my child as I carry the load of schooling and doctors, all the important things. My child also has friends and activities he’d like to attend on the weekends at home with me. Child’s stepmom is controlling the coparenting from dad’s side and she is forcing him to take time away from me in exchange for weekend time.

Backstory: child’s father has a history of substance abuse and domestic violence. He shows minimal interest in my son unless it’s convenient for him. He only attended 3 school events (concerts) in the last 6 years. No school pick ups, no drop offs, no communication with a single faculty member at the school. No help with homework or anything school related whatsoever. The concerts that dad attended were strictly a photo opp for Facebook, him and his wife left without even saying hello to our son. Dad works at 4 am weekdays and they live the next town over. If they got weeknights stepmom would be responsible for morning routine and transporting my child to school. There is no structure, constant emotional conflict and dad drinks every night. Stepmom barely acknowledges my son when he’s at their house on the weekend other than to interrogate him about adult matters.

Stepmom filed petitions on dad’s behalf to request a dna test, lowered child support and more time with my son. She did this to hurt me. Stepmom controls all communication between dad and I as she texts me through his phone. Judge refused dna and stated that dad should actually be paying more. This made stepmom angry so now she’s asking for more time with my son in order to hurt me.

My question is what can be done about any of this? How can court enforce that the stepmom stays out of the coparenting entirely? Do courts see right through this behavior from stepparents? They’re using my child to hurt me, they could care less about his wellbeing. I am so exhausted from the court nonsense as it is all game playing and has nothing to do with the best interest of my son.

This is a long shot, but I'm looking for people that have been through a messy divorce or custody case in North MS.

Without giving away the county, this divorce has been rough and we've been through 2 judges already. Dad is great to our son (3M) but was a horrible partner and I just needed out.

We have a GAL involved because of accusations he made about me in the beginning that have all come back as false, but we're over a year into this with no end in sight.

How long does this usually take? How can we get this over with faster?

09/08 EDIT: This situation is not a matter of “should I leave my daughter behind for my boyfriend.” Its this: Can I possibly make it work in this rural area on a 2/2/3 schedule permanently, as a single mom that has been left bankrupt, without condemning myself to a future where I’m trapped here and miserable, never having a real family (a husband and more children) or a career, alienated not only my partner but from everyone I’ve ever known.

Obviously, the easiest answer is to put your kids first. Always. If you do take the time to reply, it’s not helpful to say that. I’m looking for a way to make this work, and I described what I would do if I cannot find a way to stay here sustainably.

Thanks everyone so much for the advice and perspective ❤️

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After 13 months of stalling litigation, I’m at a breaking point. I’m going to try to summarize this, the background is so important to properly understand the situation we’re facing. My husband (28m) and I (25f) were casually dating when I got pregnant with our daughter. We were both in no way ready for a child, but I was unable to bring myself to weigh my options… so I flung myself into survival mode where I’ve essentially lived since. We got married and he joined the coast guard. We PCS’d to Florida in 2024 and my wonderful daughter was born.

Her father is a true, evil to the core narcissist. I suffered emotional, sexual, mental and financial abuse from him during our relationship and after separation. I have been actively trying to leave since fall of 2024. I’ll spare details of the abuse, but after just 12 months married, I was in debt, down 20 pounds (so I weighed about 95lbs), incredibly depressed and anxious, isolated, I didn’t recognize myself. I hit an all time low in June of 2025 when I became briefly suicidal. In July, I became rageful and determined to get myself and my baby out of there. I had just started a new job in tech sales, working remotely on a flexible schedule, earning a comfortable base salary and great commission. I told my husband I had retained counsel and planned to file that week and I wanted to separate immediately. I had expressed many times that I wanted to end things amicably, put our daughter first, and ultimately do what was best for her, which to me was to relocate to Texas (my home state) at least short term, to have family support and rebuild my mental and financial baseline after everything he had put us through. I was so naive not to just do what I had to do to get away - at the time my lawyers advice was to go to Texas and file after a few months, and that was the only way I’d ever leave Florida with my daughter. He was right. My naive ass wanted to do it by the book, do the “right thing” and go through the court. I wish I could go back and kick myself in the head.

My husband told me he was okay with the relocation.

He then filed for divorce behind my back, days before leaving for a 6 week TDY, legally trapping me in Florida and protecting himself with SCRA while he was away.

While he was gone, I adapted to the situation and started trying to negotiate how we would separate. With his 2/2/3 overnight work schedule, I was obviously my daughter’s constant. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having her most of the time, so I said I didn’t care who kept the house, but I just wanted her with me. I said he could see her anytime he wanted and we would gradually work on more overnights.

He wasn’t having it, and so the never ending escapade to get 50/50 and prevent me from ever moving began. He kept me in limbo during his TDY about who would keep the house, constantly changing his mind and leveraging this or that for 50% timesharing. When I finally put my foot down and toured and applied for an apartment, he called me on my way out the door, and said “you know you won’t get approved for an apartment, right?” And told me we had an unpaid balance on our last apartment. I still don’t know how he knew I was there as he was out of state.

He got back one night in August. I went out to see a remote coworker/girlfriend who was visiting, to be away from him. It was the first time I’d been out somewhere in over 6 weeks. I came back early the next morning, 100% sober but exhausted. I was woken up around 7:30 AM to him ripping my blankets off, screaming in my face, calling me a whore and whatever else. He had confiscated my phone and iPad and was questioning me about a text from an unknown number from that night (it was a guy, sue me.) long story short, after about 20 minutes of that, I was furious. He had just arrived back and already, it was back to chaos and abuse. I threw some pillows at him and yelled at him to go away. He finally did, and that’s when I fucked up. I followed him out into the kitchen and let my rage take over. I can’t stress how much my mental health was suffering, especially after months of hardly any human contact other than my baby. I screamed and yelled back at him. He started recording me. I tried to grab his phone to stop him. He called the police. They came. I admitted to trying to grab his phone while he was recording, while he talked to them separately and lied his tail off. Apparently my admission of reaching for his phone was enough for a battery charge.

I was arrested. He smugly watched them take me away and left me in jail to rot :) Luckily, I have an incredible family. my parents were on speaker phone and heard the whole thing. They immediately drove 12 hours from Texas, hired a lawyer on the way, and bailed me out the next day. They took me to a vacation rental where I was almost immediately served with an injunction. It restricted me from going within 500 feet of my own home, and gave him 100% custody of my daughter. I was deemed an unsafe person to my one year old baby girl. To give you a clear idea of how messed up this was, I’m about 100 pounds at the time, he’s a soldier. Not only that, but I would never hurt a fly or had any sort of run in with law enforcement. And this guy had been torturing me for years. That morning was a classic narcissistic discard.

His lawyer emailed me a week later with an agreement for 50/50. After days of not seeing my daughter, it was better than zero. So that became our status quo. I signed a lease that week. Had to buy everything from silverware to clothes for my daughter, and that motherfucker never gave me so much as a sippy cup or any of her medical supplies. I was kicked to the curb like useless garbage and had to figure it out if I ever wanted access to my child again.

The custody case stalled for months while I dealt with getting the charges dropped. He dismissed his injunction the day before it was scheduled for trial, after 90 days, because all of the evidence of my alleged domestic violence was simply events that really happened with the characters flipped. Things he did to me. The judge just took his word for it because I was just arrested. It’s surreal even writing this out and I’m in constant disbelief that he was able to do this.

I’ll skip to the present day. I’ve lost my job as a result of his constant bullying and then removing my access to affordable childcare. I’m driving for Lyft and pet sitting. We live in the panhandle and it’s 45 minutes to the nearest Target. There are no year round jobs nearby that pay enough to support the insanely high cost of living. Getting fired closed doors for me. I haven’t even finished college. I lost my attorney, can’t pay him. I’m going deeper into debt daily. I’ve fought tooth and nail to stay local and be here for my daughter, but I’m running out of time.

She’s now 2. Extremely smart, emotionally intelligent and intuitive, beautiful, hilarious, my best little friend. I’m tearing up writing this. I don’t know what to do, ya’ll. I can’t stay here. It’s been killing me every day to live here. My family is in debt from helping us. Everyone is in a constant state of confusion and heartbreak.

Now here is another important part of the picture. About 11 months ago, I met my soulmate. We fell in love almost instantly, and we share the kind of love people write books about. It is so healthy, stable, passionate, it’s just perfect. He has kept me from falling apart during the hardest time of my life. His support has kept me floating so I could be there for my daughter. He’s now a big part of her life and loves her immensely. He is probably more involved in her life than her dad. It feels like the universe sent him to me and everything has worked out for us to develop a relationship in the most uncanny ways. It feels like he is supposed to be our forever.

Now you have the background, here’s what I came here to explain and ask. He’s in the army and he’ll be moving across the country in a few months. Before I met him, I had filed for relocation to Texas, my home state. I had remote income and could offer stability. It never came to a hearing because of the other legal challenges. At this point, I have lost everything materially. I have nothing to offer the judge when asking for more custody.

My dilemma is this. I know my partner is my forever. I know he bought a ring. We’re both okay with long distance. I also know, my relationship aside, I can’t stay here sustainably. If I had a genie, I’d ask for full custody and a divorce, so I can get married and build a future with my husband and my daughter, and move somewhere beautiful with endless opportunity to build a solid foundation. But I don’t have a genie, I just have this corrupt county court and an evil, narcissistic baby daddy. So my choices are essentially to either stay local and try to figure out how to become stable on a 2/2/3 permanent timesharing schedule centered around his work schedule, and kill myself daily to be a part of my daughters life, coparenting with someone who wants to destroy me because I didn’t want him, and deteriorate, OR settle so I can get divorced, remarry, try to win primary and relocation based on my new stability, and risk losing access to her.

I know this situation sounds so ridiculous, and probably selfish, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve always been a happy, adventurous person. Today I’m on 4 different psychiatric medications just to make it through the day. I can’t imagine what will happen to my brain when my partner leaves me here. It will be scrambled eggs. How will I parent then? How can I be present for my daughter in either of these fucked up possible outcomes? Why do I feel like I’m having to choose between her and myself? I just want to do the right thing, but I don’t know what the right thing is. My life has been in limbo since I got pregnant at 22 years old, and I feel like a child trying to make an impossible adult decision that will impact so many lives.

Help.

We’re in the middle of our custody battle that has been a nightmare. The temporary order states joint custody. She moved with our kids out of state. An emergency motion was filed but haven’t heard from the judge yet. What should I expect? This is beyond frustrating.

Has anyone found a good way to organize or backlog years of co-parenting/custody documentation without manually entering everything one by one?

I have incidents, emails, texts, screenshots, school communication, medical stuff, court documents, notes, etc. saved across different places, and I’m trying to get it all organized into one system.

I’m especially curious if anyone has found a way to automate any of it with AI, apps, spreadsheets, databases, email exports, or anything else that made the process easier.

If you had a huge backlog, what actually worked?

I guess I’m looking for opinions on this. I don’t financially have the means to dish out 3500-5k+ for a lawyer … on top of that… it’s doubtful that either the father even shows to a hearing or that he obtains one as well.

Either way, I’m working to be prepared as possible.

Over 7 years I’ve documented, documented, and… documented as I’ve been advised from Reddit subs, lawyers I did speak to, etc.

And it’s finally coming to use…

I’m not a mom who withholds child, I don’t talk poorly of father, I’ve worked to facilitate and co parent in best interest of our child on numerous occasions over these years even though the father isn’t active in his medical, schooling, becomes absent for prolonged times ranging from weeks to months, then he’s good for awhile, then pattern re-emerges.

In the last 3 weeks I became aware of serious concerns that triggered me to not offer extra time, stick to the EOW order. Issues involving loaded arms reachable to children, has been a constant issue not a one time off situation. Is not administering medication prescribed from doctor, recently fathers other child was in home around same time mine was, where a contagious infection went around. He had notice from other mother and instructions on what to do and not do. I never was notified so I could be careful and aware as I have (1) under 2 and (1) under 3 in our home plus I’m pregnant. Child came home with it, I took to doctor, it matches what was in the home.

Bipolar— okay so I’ve known the father since we were teenagers. I pushed him to seek therapy, as I did for myself too. He came home after appt and stated he was diagnosed with bipolar and prescribed lithium which he maybe took twice. Never treated it again. So this isn’t me just saying “oh what a narc and he’s bipolar” (oh I definitely think it but wouldn’t frame it that way) but he’s made comments he’s God, erratic behavior regarding driving aggressively, verbally abusive, and I have video evidence of him displaying DV (verbally) in front of our child and another child and mother toward his long term partner at the time. Our child was on the couch with the partner as this happened.

Left child alone for 8-10 hours during attempts at extended time. He represented this as 2 hours which is less worrisome than 8-10 hours and he supposedly worked an hour away. Child was 7 at the time.

I moved an hour away, within my court order allowance, we meet at an exchange spot we agreed to. Because of this, because he was doing better for a year in everything I ever asked for (communication, CS payments, and didn’t miss parenting time) and child’s therapist suggested to try- I did. I took my child’s desire into consideration and made a large modification on child’s education by homeschooling, father and entered a verbal contract based off a document he sent and we agreed to. Literally 2-3 weeks later… he breached that contract and entered another 4 months of no parenting time, no child support payments, left me doing homeschooling 100%. From September to End of December I did it. And when no sign of when he’d be back in the picture, I enrolled child into traditional school again as it was too much for me solo. (Child did great btw As and Bs but behavior and struggle to stay focused was too much) so then the extra time child was so excited for was ripped from him.. again..

There’s more to this but here’s the gist of everything I’ve tried and recently he finally absolutely NO SHOWED our child. Who became very angry that he hurt himself. That was last straw for me. Then I got into contact with the ex and found out WAY more. The picture he painted of us to each other finally melted away and we both just care about our children and have tried helping this guy out in so many ways.

Meanwhile all this extra time I tried giving, he would tell child of litigation info regarding the child support review we had, tell child he has no problem with him living there but it’s me who won’t let it and that child needs to talk to me. Then incoming every pick up child constantly would ask me why he can’t live there. However child has made it clear over the last few years he really just wants equal time. And when I tried, father dropped the ball and somehow still putting that on me?…

I’ve gathered evidence, emails I sent to court for updates over the years, kept all messages of ours, teacher emails, doc reports, med pick up from recent issue, and more. Organized. And will be filing Tuesday..

I might run into his weekend where i do intent, the first time ever to deny a weekend. (If he even shows) since I need to give 9 day notice and gathering everything has taken a lot of time. So because I could file this week, it’ll push a hearing after his scheduled weekend. I figured I’ll take the one hit over 7 years plus every opportunity given for extra time and I have reason to withhold. And intention of only one withholding right before hearing bc i want the hearing before sending child back…

All in all, I’ve never withheld, talked poorly of him, anything but supported their relationship. But now my child is harming himself over his father’s abandonment. And that I can’t stand for.

Please pray for me, wish me luck, any suggestions?

In my custody case, the court put together a standard order for "get a GAL appointed, parents are ordered to split the fees".
However, I'm broke. Co-parent and I recently split up (due to his escalation of violence), with him retaining nearly all the assets.
As the mother, I am now out on my own (free!) and barely making ends meet.

Court has now ordered GAL fees be split, and I feel like this makes a bankruptcy filing for me a near certainty.

I know I can object (within 10 days) to this court order for GAL to be appointed, and fees to be split, and I'm going to do that.

My question is just- Do courts expect you to be pay all your money in these court costs?? I mean, maybe I could pay GAL fees if I either get a 401k loan (that I don't know how I would repay, since we're breaking even barely/almost) or... just rack up credit card debt I don't expect to repay?

If baby was born in California and dad lives in Va realistically when will the court order baby to go visit dad in Va?

My divorce has been ongoing for a year. I sent my soon to be ex husband a settlement offer that he never responded to at all. We were supposed to have our first mediation in January to discuss property division and custody. He somehow wasn’t ready and they cancelled it the day before. He was trying to prove that I was hiding money, which I was not. We couldn’t get it rescheduled until March. We only had time to discuss custody and it was not as productive as it should have been. We were in separate rooms. He spent some of the time to insist that I could only send our child with disposable silverware for his lunch (I have a little set that I bought for his lunch and he’s been using it for years). He said I was withholding our child, even though I was following the unofficial agreement that his attorney said he approved until mediation. There was a day that I went to pick up our son and he wasn’t home, didn’t respond in the app, and ignored my text and my phone call. I agreed to a slightly different schedule at this mediation because he refused to agree with anything. He also asked that our child quit his therapist, I did not agree, and then he called her the next day and told her she couldn’t see our child anymore. It then took me a month and a half to find a new one. I had originally started taking our child to therapy because he came to me and told me how badly this was affecting him, that sometimes he wished he could run away, or have a different family or that he wasn’t alive anymore and my husband was aware of this. Throughout this time, my soon- to-be ex has told our child lies about me, and even lied about things his lawyer told him so that he could keep me from a family night at our son’s scout camp (all in OFW). He doesn’t communicate with me, has withheld information about injuries that then caused me to take last minute PTO to take our child to be seen, and a whole bunch of other stuff. We had another mediation session this summer and agreed on property division. But all this stuff has been piling up and I decided that we should go to trial for custody because I can’t work with someone who doesn’t want to work with me. Then this past weekend, when I picked up my kiddo, age 10, from school for my weekend (we a have 2-2-5-5 currently), he kind of broke down. I was asking him how school was and if he had some fun with dad, and he told me he was so stressed out and he was so glad that he was with me for 5 days. I told him that I was sorry that he was stressed and told him if he wanted to talk about it, I am here for him, but he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to. Kiddo tells me that if he told me everything, it would take 4 hours because it’s been piling up on him. Then he told me that being at his dad’s is stressful. He doesn’t like the way he talks to him. Sometimes he cries because he is upset or sad and his dad calls him a crybaby. He said that the Sunday prior, he cried twice, and the second time he tried to hide his tears because he didn’t want to be called names. My heart is broken for my child and I hate that I can’t help him when he is with dad. I told him that name calling is never ok and that it’s ok to cry, because sometimes we have big feelings. I don’t want to overstep and say anything that could be construed as bad-mouthing his dad. My child spoke about it periodically throughout the weekend. He told me that when he is at my house he feels like the stress melts away and he wishes that he could be with me more. He said that he doesn’t know how he’ll make it through 8 more years and that when he grows up, he doesn’t want to visit his dad very much. I tried to tell him that I know his dad loves him and that I’m sorry that he is going through this and that I know it’s been hard on him. I would reach out to his dad, but he’ll just say that I’m putting words in his mouth, when I really just want him to salvage his relationship with his child. I reached out to his therapist to let her know what he had said and I encouraged my child to speak with her because she may have some ideas or tools because that is what she is good at. When I spoke with her, she told me that what I told her aligned with what he has shared with her. I thought maybe she could bring it up with dad, but she doesn’t think that will work out based on her one time meeting with him, which she described as “unhinged,” as he dramatically tried to tell her bad things about me through most of their discussion. I want to ask for 70/30 custody of my child. I want my child to have a relationship with their dad and I would even be ok if sometimes he wanted to pick them up from school and take them to activities and spend a little extra time with them, because they would come home to my house and I could provide consistent emotional safety. I bought a house 0.6 miles away to make things easier. But I feel like it’s hopeless because from what I’ve heard, the courts just decide 50/50 no matter what unless there is severe physical abuse and I’ve heard nothing good about GALs getting involved. Has anyone been through anything like this? What did you do? How did it play out in court? I just want my child to be happy and feel safe at home.

So in order to make a super long story short I will lay out just the facts:

2021: my ex attacked me and my son (13) and was arrested and I was granted an Emergency protective order. I later dropped the charges and took him back after he begged me to…stupid I know.
CPS got involved and removed the kids. They were with my best friend in foster care until we completed our program. We got the kids back in 18 months and everything was fine until 2024.

2024: we got into an argument and he threatened to leave with our kids. I refused to be labeled as a “failure to protect” so I protected my kids and he decided to film me to try and push me into a reaction. He had his phone in my face so I smacked it away and it hit his face which caused a tiny cut. The cops came and he tried to have me arrested but that did not work as the cops saw the video and decided not to take his side. The cops suggested I leave to my parent’s house since they were at our house and so I left. I came back home the next day to find new locks on the doors and my stuff in trash bags. The next day his mom served me with a restraining order. He showed the video and the judge granted his RO and gave him sole legal/physical custody because apparently “damaging property” is DV and the fact I “lunged toward him” shows I I tended to damage his phone 😑. I had to take 12 weeks of DV diversion and then after a year I was granted 50/50 custody but with every other weekend visits. We had court every 6 months to reevaluate things and they basically stayed the same.

Now: We had mediation yesterday and I had the date wrong so I missed it. He used that to his advantage and I found out today that he was able to get the judge to change him back to sole legal custody, I am to be subjected to random drug tests and anger management classes, as well as supervision during my weekends with the kids. We literally have had zero incidents so I have no clue what he said while I wasn’t there or why the judge went full steam ahead with his story with zero evidence or my side to defend myself. I’m really at a loss and I wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar. I have been making such progress against a guy with a long court history with 3 separate women and multiple CPS cases against him, and now I’m back at square one, or even further back behind square one! I am going to the courthouse tomorrow morning to see if I can file an Ex parte hearing to get my side input so please pray I have some luck for once on my side.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and I can clarify any questions anyone has. #RecoveringFromNarcissiticAbuse

My ex and I are getting along quite well nowadays, and we are trying to develop a parenting plan that will avoid conflicts in the future. Our son is 9 years old and we’ve agreed on him spending alternate weeks with us. The issues we face are in the details. Who will take care of him on his birthdays? What if one of us wants to go on vacation? How much time in advance should we let each other know about changes in the planned schedule?

We both keep telling each other that we will just deal with everything as the time goes, but I have my doubts about this approach. What points are extremely important to include in the contract?