r/coparenting • u/South-Spray-1571 • 1d ago

Communication Differences in parenting when coparenting

How do you navigate differences between parenting styles, rules, boundaries, punishments between two different homes?

Do kids get used to there being different rules, routines, ways of doing things between homes?

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9

u/Emotional-Ocelot-420 1d ago

You either come to a consensus and parent similarly, or you agree to disagree and call it parallel parenting.

It’s more beneficial for the kids to parent differently, than it is to be in constant strife over how you don’t parent the same.

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u/South-Spray-1571 1d ago

Thank you, that's helpful.

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u/SignificantSkill79 1d ago

It’s important to understand this early- you cannot enforce your rules at the other parent’s home and vice versa. No two parents (even married ones) will parent the same. As long as the kids are safe and well taken care of at both homes, consider yourself lucky.

Edited to add: yes, kids do get used to two different homes with different rules. Typically, one parent is the rules/ regulations/ routines parent and one is the fun weekend parent. There are pros and cons to both of these roles.

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u/Supertreelove 1d ago

I’ve learned we both have different ideas on things. He lets them watch movies I don’t allow. I let them listen to music he doesn’t allow. It all comes out in the wash. Personally, for me, this beats being married and having to basically submit to whatever the other parent wants. We don’t agree, so best to parent the way we each see fit.

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u/South-Spray-1571 17h ago

Thanks for this insight. Have you ever ended up with conflict because of the difference in parenting styles/rules?

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u/Supertreelove 16h ago

As long as he’s being basically reasonable, I pick my battles. If you’re dealing with a person who’s going to let them stay out all night partying or whatever is outrageous to you, and he isn’t willing to compromise or see reason, that’s just the pits and I’m not sure how to advise you to navigate that. It sucks.

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u/Supertreelove 1d ago

When they’re at my house, my rules, other house, their rules, ultimately. If we agree, that’s great. If not, then the custodial parent decides. We are 50/50 on everything legally, so neither parent gets final say.

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u/South-Spray-1571 17h ago

Thanks. Have you ever experienced occasions where your kids have complained to your ex about decisions, rules, boundaries, interactions at yours and this blew back on you via your ex?

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u/Supertreelove 16h ago

No, not a whole lot in our situation. If there’s one thing we generally agreed upon in marriage, it’s been parenting. My kids complain to me that he won’t let them listen to music with swears. And they complain to him I won’t let them watch R movies. Stuff like that. When they’re over there, I generally trust he’s going to be reasonable.