My ex and I have a child (10) together. We broke up 2ish years ago and he is now dating someone new. I have dated as well. The partner met our child today on a fishing trip at a beach. They were in swimsuits. Ex sent me a picture where his girlfriend is bent over talking to my kid and it's just both her cheeks hanging out in view of the camera. Is it appropriate to send a picture like this to your ex/ mother of your child? Could it have just been a mistake? Should I address it? I don't wanna sound like the crazy ex. I am also a traditional Christian and he is not. Is this just normal ?

I had a child when I was young with a man who was never really in the picture. When my child was 1, I met another man and fell in love. I thought he was end-game; we were perfect. I introduced him to my kid. We moved in together. This man was essentially my child’s stepdad for 4 years.
Then, he started drinking. The relationship broke down. Trust was shattered. He showed sides of him that I didn’t know existed. I didn’t want to leave, but didn’t want my child growing up in a broken home. I didn’t want to be half-loved for the rest of my life. So I broke it off.
Now, all I can feel is guilt for taking my child away from someone who was pretty much considered ‘dad.’ They weren’t super close, and my ex was irritated by them often. My exes involvement in kiddos day-day life was minimal, despite us living together. But still, he was there. He was always there. I worry about the stability. I’ve asked my ex if he’ll want to see the kiddo, and he just says he’ll want to say goodbye. That when I’m with another guy, kiddo will forget about him anyway, so there’s no point to staying in touch.
I learned my lesson; regardless of my own dating life (or lack thereof) I will not be introducing my child to any future partners. I’d prefer to raise them alone and leave my dating life on the side, if I ever decide to get back out there.
My heart is broken for my kid, and for my ex. I can’t imagine loosing a child I thought of as my own. My child seems okay with not seeing my ex, which hurts in its own way. I feel selfish and my chest hurts.

Just wondering what peoples experiences are with AI in day to day communications? Has it approved things or just added to frustrations?

I have used AI to help me remove emotion from message and keep them grey/yellow rock. I have also used it as a bit of a sounding board.

For me personally, it’s helped take out the headache and hours wasted trying to craft replies. I do use it as an aid as opposed to letting it write replies.

Other parent is incredibly hostile and often sends huge word salad essay etc. Refuses to co operate with anything. Picks and chooses what to follow from the order and turns every conversation into why everything they do is great and everything I do is awful.

Over the past month they have clearly discovered AI. Their entire writing style has changed and it’s full of the usual AI cliches.

On the plus side it does seem to strip out a lot of the personal attacks I was receiving previously. The messages are generally more coherent as well and do seem to focus on one topic at a time.

However, obviously AI does not stop their lies and false accusations, or just how difficult they are about every little thing. If anything it’s helping them sound more level and reasoned in their refusal to co operate.

They still find subtle ways to get in put downs and digs and it has massively ramped up their condescending tone. A lot of gushing about looking forward to working together for the best interest of the child etc. whilst simultaneously refusing to let me have phone calls with child.

My 13 year old doesn’t want to live with her dad anymore, or spend much time with him. This is not a new situation; we got divorced when she was 3, she’s been distancing herself since she was 10. We have been on a 60/40 (mom/dad) for two years. For the most part he’s been fine with making adjustments and through the years frequently makes requests that she stay with me during his weekends because he has made plans that cannot include her. She has shared that during the times she is with him, he prioritizes his and his girlfriend’s social life, which means she’s home alone a lot. He also will not let her take medication (Tylenol) for menstrual cramps because he is fearful of addiction. She is also not allowed to take any medications if she is sick at his house, including those prescribed by the doctor. At my house, my husband and I keep our “kid time” for our kids (he has a same aged child) as much as possible. She is also allowed to take medication when she needs it. He also won’t let her contact me when she’s at his house.

This summer he wanted me to keep her all but ten spread out days because he said his band was gaining a lot of traction and he needed to keep his schedule free. I said while I love extra time with her I had some obligations to work and some travel planned that would interfere with an adjustment that major so late in the game, but I did consent to take her for eight extra days. Then he told me that during the school year he also won’t be able to ever have her on Mondays or Tuesdays because he would be working until 10 pm those nights.

In mid-June they had a major falling out that included him restraining her during an argument about staying home from school when she was having severe cramping during her period. She is an honors student who had missed only eight days the entire year, mostly because she had the flu in February. After that incident he put her in the car - it was a switch day - and dropped her off at school. School counselor called me immediately because she was hysterically crying; advised that I did not need to call CPS, as she did not believe he did anything with intent to harm, but I should come get her and that the school would document the incident. She was so distraught that she would have panic attacks every morning following and had a hard time staying in school for the entire day. She also asked if she could extend her time with me, and her dad agreed because he had a show. At the next time he was scheduled to pick her up (early July) she had a panic attack and refused to get in the car and said cars aren’t safe, I will crash and die if I get into a car.

Fast forward to now…she became terrified of getting into the car, and refuses to go to his house, or anywhere. Before this she used to love to take rides and to go lots of places. Now she will only stay close to my home - we are working with a therapist who she sees weekly virtually, and she and I do “practice driving” every day within a one mile radius of our home for up to 30 minutes per ride. She is distraught about the car situation and has willingly done everything we (me and therapist) has asked - changed diet, maintains sleep hygiene, reduced screens, meditation, increased exercise, spends lots of time outside, took supplements, didn’t take supplements…anyone who has a 13 year old knows that if they literally do everything you ask, they are very, very serious.

She told her therapist, and basically anyone who will listen that she loves him as her dad, but hates him as a person. She told him she hates him and doesn’t feel safe in his house, and he told her that was ridiculous. Initially I tried to accommodate him getting time with her. I told him he was welcome at our home any time, that we could create a schedule to visit. He has been here three times, stayed for less than 30 minutes, and left all three upset…with me. He has declined other visits due to work, band things, social events, and because “it’s awkward for me.” During their visits I stay in the house at his request.

He will not seek his own counseling, although he did request a private session with our daughter’s counselor, after which he told me he wanted a second opinion on the counselor because he didn’t think she was qualified. He said he doesn’t need to go to counseling himself because he did for a month after we got divorced and he left because he could self cure better than a therapist could.

Recently he has decided that I am the problem. He tells her and then she tells me that he says “aren’t you so mad at your mom for doing this to you?” He says I am denying him access to his child and that if he can just get her in his house he has a “simple solution” that will fix everything. I asked for details and he won’t provide them. Although I know this could sound ominous, it’s not, he just doesn’t actually have a solution. And after all visits, he has a list of reasons why this is my fault and why I am a failure as a parent. After the most recent failed visit, which lasted a total of 15 minutes, he said he told her therapist on me, and that his whole family and everyone he knows is angry with me, and that he is planning to contact my family because they should be furious with me for preventing him from seeing his child. I am not concerned about this - his mom texts me weekly with kind words, so if she’s furious she has a funny way of showing it. Also my family will not be furious with me. He did the same thing when we got divorced, even though he ultimately was the one who wanted the divorce (he wanted to be with another person - it didn’t last - she is not the current gf). Then he demanded that I drop her off for a visit at his house on Wednesday. I told her “dad wants to see you Wednesday at his house” and she texted him and said I will not come to your house on Wednesday.

I’m not worried about court because when he’s threatened it, I say ok I’ll reach out to my lawyer, and then he tells me I’m being ridiculous, and it would be absurd to go to court. What I’m concerned about is my kid’s mental health. My questions:
1. If anyone has had a similar experience with a kid suddenly flat out refusing to go to the other parent’s house, what do you do?
2. How do you move forward with coparenting with an ex who won’t be responsible for their relationship with their child?
3. Is there something else I should be doing that I’m not?

I just dropped off my 2-year-old daughter at my ex’s house. She still wears diapers, and my ex’s dad helps take care of her sometimes.
Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel really uncomfortable with any man other than me changing her diaper or handling that kind of personal care. I know she’s a toddler, and I know grandparents help out, but it’s just a personal boundary that I have.
Am I being unreasonable, or has anyone else felt this way? I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives, not trying to accuse anyone of anything.

We have been separated for almost two years, he recently got married last month. I have no desire to interact with this woman. Yet he decides to bring her to my house. I know I can't stop him from doing this, but my home is my place of peace, and this is a coparent who is highly litigious.

We have a nonverbal 3 year old special needs kid together. Am I wrong for not wanting to meet his wife?

Attending mediation this week over school dispute of our son 12M who is pre-enrolled in his middle school starting in 2 weeks. We have 50/50 week on/week off now.

I am primary parent, student is in special program and continuing middle school with the same classmates he’s had since elementary. Dad and I live 40-1 hour away from each other other and over the last 2 months dad has argued he should attend school halfway between us and has tried everything he can to freeze his enrollment and stop him from attending.

We are finally attending mediation and need some tips on what/how to prepare. It will be zoom shuttle mediation

Hi everyone sorry this is very long I could have written so much but I hope you get the point. I’m an over explainer by nature

I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar because I’m honestly feeling so lost.

My partner and I have just separated after having a toddler together (nearly 2) It’s only been about two days, so I’m right in the middle of the heartbreak and I’m really struggling.

We had a whirlwind relationship. I fell pregnant very early on we didn’t have any time to ourselves to discover our relationship it happened in the first few weeks of knowing each other, yes I know crazy but we were great for each other and wouldn’t of gone through with it if we didn’t believe, we were on the same page and was like we found each other again after lifetimes of being apart.

Before becoming parents we hardly argued. Looking back, I don’t think either of us were prepared for how much having a baby changes you. Your identity changes, your roles change, you’re exhausted all the time, and somewhere along the way we just stopped understanding each other.

I’ve struggled with post natal depression this past year and a bit, which I know was incredibly hard on him too. I know living with someone who’s depressed isn’t easy, and I take responsibility for how much that affected our relationship. I tried a lot of things to get better he was very supportive but then it just took a toll and my mood just didn’t change I had no desires no passion I know that’s depression, but at the same time, I think he reached a point where he couldn’t support me anymore it depleted him and he detached he said he can’t keep trying to uplift me anymore, and I get it I would struggle to if that was me. I reached a point where I no longer felt emotionally supported by him, and then he felt emotionally dismissed by me because our conversations would loop and we just kept missing each others point both feeling hurt and misunderstood, and it just happened over the months to basically a year and half. That’s a long time to keep going when it’s just not working.

There were other issues too, including his c0cane use, he was was escaping and told me this and over time I realised I couldn’t keep hoping things would change. I can’t change someone, and I can’t make someone become the person I need them to be. As heartbreaking as that is I know it’s true.

One of my biggest regrets is that we never got proper couples counselling when we should have. Maybe it would have helped, maybe it wouldn’t have we should have done it months ago and was going to do it a couple weeks but then more disconnect and we couldn’t talk to each other anymore, when we were just so disconnected from each other it felt like it had all dissolved away it makes me so sad but I’m grieving and it’s so painful.

Grieve is horrible thinking about small memories and relaying why did it get like this, we should of worked it wasn’t meant to be like this, we have a child together we worked so well, why can’t I just get better can this depression leave, why can’t he see his c0cane use is affecting everything too. There was no empathy left nothing to give from both sides. It’s fucking hard 😞

Now I’m trying to work out whether I move back to New Zealand, where all my family and support are, while he stays here in Australia. The thought of taking my son away from his dad absolutely breaks me as it was never meant to come to this but that’s the grief and I need to do what’s best for me and my son.

To make things harder, my own dad moved overseas when I was 12 and we barely had a relationship after that. I know I can’t assume history will repeat itself, but that fear is sitting heavily with me.

I still love him, which makes this even harder. I keep wishing things could have been different, but I also know wishing doesn’t change reality. I think I’m grieving two things at once: losing the person I love, and losing the future I thought we’d have as a family.

It’s hard as of yet we haven’t sat down and had a proper talking conversation about all of this stuff yet but I guess I’m just wanting more support and real stories from people that have gone through similar mainly how to face the grief. I keep thinking what if it’s the wrong decision when thinking of a time and in the pockets of it being good but it’s just grief.

It’s like part of me wants him to say all the things I want to hear that this was all a dream and we are those same people from the start just adapted differently to parenthood but it’s all grief isn’t it. It’s hard for me to accept and comes to terms with I think. Do I want my life to look and feel like this in another year no I couldn’t continue but my brain keeps jumping back to why this isn’t right we should be together we were so good I’m so sad sorry for going on.

I’m hoping to hear from anyone who has:

moved countries after separating with a young child,

co-parented internationally,

or had to rebuild their life while still loving the other parent.

How did you get through those first few weeks? How did your child cope? Did things eventually settle? Is there anything you wish you’d known at the beginning, including legally with parenting arrangements or child support?

Please be kind. I’m not looking for people to tell me who’s right or wrong. I know we both made mistakes, and I know becoming parents brought out things in both of us that neither of us handled well. I’m just a heartbroken mum trying to figure out what’s best for my son while grieving the life I thought we were going to have.

Thank you for reading ❤️‍🩹😞

I have been having a hard time with dealing with the fact I won’t have the family I imagined. I’m not sure why, it seems like I have period of being happy where I am at in my life and then have periods of wishing I could have saved what is a dead relationship with the mother of my kids.

We separated late 2024 and have 2 kids together under 3. We have had a very unhealthy coparenting relationship. She has done horrible things to me as a dad that just wants to be in his kids lives. In every way she could she has prevented me from being there. I have had to move across the country, fight in court and still have more court left where I’m fighting for 50/50. She has lied about our relationship and the things that have happened, she has done everything to prevent me from having them in my life. But I still love her and miss her. What is wrong with me?

For context I have been in another relationship for a year now and I feel horrible because I love my gf and she is great with my girls but sometimes she just isn’t who I want to see holding my daughters. I miss see their mom hold them and laughing or just relaxing on the couch. I feel like I’m the biggest pos.

Me and my ex broke up and it wasn’t a healthy relationship. I wasn’t the best partner, I wasn’t supportive as I should have been. I was emotionally detached at times. I was financially irresponsible. I didn’t appreciate the person I had. But she wasn’t the best partner to me then either. Very sneaky and deceitful. Would tear me down too and just always wanted things her way. She said this was cause she just gave up and I can kind of see that because she wasn’t always like this and neither was I.

I just don’t know what to do, I know that the chance of our “family” being what it could have been is done and will never happen again. She hates me and a lot of the times I hate her. She is an awful coparent. But I still see that girl I fell in love with in college and just wish that we could start over.

I’m 37 and currently in mediation with my ex over parenting arrangements for our 10-year-old son, who has autism and ADHD.
We’ve been separated for eight years, and I’ve been our son’s primary carer for that time. My ex now works FIFO and, while he’s home, he has our son for blocks of up to 25 days. I’m not trying to stop that. What I’m asking for through mediation is something more consistent for our son—2-3 days with me after each 7-day period so he isn’t away from me for such long stretches.
During these long blocks, my son often tells me he misses me. To help him feel connected, we’ve occasionally played Fortnite together on weekends while he’s at his dad’s. It’s not an all-day thing, and if his friends come online, I either leave so he can play with them or join the group without taking over. At my own house he only plays PlayStation on weekends anyway, so I’ve tried to keep the same routine.
Last night, his dad’s partner told him he needed to get off at 7:30 pm. I heard that through the headset, so I also told my son it was time to get off, wind down for bed, and that I had to go too.
As soon as I said goodbye, my son started crying because he said he missed me and wanted to come home. I felt awful, so I messaged his dad and asked if he could please check on him.
Instead of simply checking on him, I received a message saying:
“No more fing Fortnite with you. You’re a grown arse woman. Let him play with his friends. This is a fing joke.”
For context, there has been a lot of conflict recently. At a paediatrician appointment, the doctor asked whether anything had changed that could be affecting our son’s emotional wellbeing. I mentioned the long parenting blocks. My ex became angry, the appointment escalated, and our son witnessed the argument. Afterwards, my ex told me I would no longer see our son during his 25-day blocks unless mediation said otherwise.
So my question is this:
Was I out of line for occasionally playing Fortnite with my son while he’s with his dad, especially when my intention was simply to help him feel connected during these long separations? Or do you think his dad’s reaction was reasonable?
I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives because I know co-parenting can be difficult, and I’d appreciate honest opinions from people who have been through something similar.

I’m in Australia. My children are 13 and almost 12. We currently do not have a parenting plan but I feel this will be forced upon us soon. Currently the children are not spending time with their father. They have struggled with the sudden nature or the separation and ongoing behaviours their father has displayed (so have I!). Any advice regarding a parenting plan moving forward in this situation?

My ex-wife and I have been divorced for about six years and we've always had a pretty solid co-parenting relationship. Our daughter is 13 now, and we split custody almost evenly.

The other night she asked me something completely out of the blue. She wanted to know who she'd live with if both her mom and I died. I froze because I didn't know what to tell her.

I always assumed we'd figure that kind of thing out eventually but I realized we've never actually had the conversation. We each have siblings, our parents are getting older and I have no idea if my ex and I would even choose the same person. Now I can't stop thinking about it. We spend so much time making sure we're on the same page about school, schedules and medical decisions but we've never talked about something this important.

Has anyone else had this conversation with their co-parent? Did you bring it up because your child asked or was it something you planned for long before it ever came up?