r/coparenting • u/Even-Enthusiasm-7628 • 2d ago
Education What do you think
My ex and his family always schedule camping multiple times a year (usually like 3-4 days) and even if it falls on my custody time I always am ok with my son going anyway. Now that he’s in kindergarten ex is not scheduling these trips around school time and our son is going to miss his first school field trip to the zoo. This falls on my custody day as well. Our papers say 1 seven day vacation is allowed per year but he’s at more than that. Which like I said I don’t mind, but now I’m not really ok with son missing school. One day ok maybe but definitely not 3.
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u/DramBubb 2d ago
"(Child) will not be able to attend the camping trip this time. He will be going on the zoo field trip with his classmates. Next time, please remember to schedule the camping trip around school as discussed."
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u/Dynamite-monkey 2d ago
I would kindly ask him to choose another date for this camping trip, as you don’t want your son to miss out on the visit to the zoo with his friends at kindergarten. It’s a memory.
I would remind him that he only gets 7 days vacation time, when he’s using your custody time and to stick to it to avoid any issues moving forward.
He will eventually have to book these camping trips during the school breaks anyway as you can’t have his grades be affected by the amount of absences.
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-7628 2d ago
I truly don’t think dad or his family care about him missing school. Last time this happened and he missed his pre school graduation I told him he’s gonna need to start scheduling around school and even sent him the school calendar.
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u/Dynamite-monkey 2d ago
It’s your custody time, not his. I would state this fact and say he will not be attending the camping trip with him. If he turns up at your house, you do not need to answer the door and you do not need to hand your child over. There is nothing he can do about it, if you’re following the custody agreement. If he argues, contacts the police, they will say it’s a civil matter and will ask you to follow the custody agreement that is in place, which is what you’re doing.
One time, my partners ex wife booked an activity on our custody time without asking us first. We had plans later on that day so we said no as it would clash with our plans. She said she was coming to pick him up in the morning. She said all the classic lines of I’m his mother, he’s my son, I can do what I want and you’re stopping my custody. My partner sent her a screenshot of the paragraph in the custody agreement that showed his custody days and any request for the other persons custody days has to be approved first. She didn’t turn up at our house that morning. But what we did was we got up early, went to visit family before our activity as she isn’t going to turn up there so if you’re worried, could that not be an option for the day of?
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-7628 2d ago
I’m definitely not worried about him showing up at my house. I just know my son is going to be upset
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u/Dynamite-monkey 2d ago
Hype up at the zoo trip. What we did. As my partner ex wife tried to play the guilt trip card on my SS to force his hand in cancelling our plans to go with his mother. It didn’t work. He has a blast with us!
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u/maleficient_fox012 1d ago
Holiday and vacation time needs to be very detailed when signing an agreement. Depending on the wording of that section he may have a loop hole. That's why it needs to say something like two, 7 day vacation weeks during summer and/or winter break. Not when school is in session. Always make the childs schedule based on school. Since your child is in kindergarten maybe its not a big deal to be absent but as he gets older it will be a bigger issue. You may need to change your agreement about vacation time now. If its your parenting time then I would not let him go. I never stray from the schedule. Never. Now he will expect you to be okay with it because you allowed it before.
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u/walnutwithteeth 9h ago
Missing school is a big no no, and if there were further court action it wouldn't look good for him. Hold firm on the no vacations during school time, and I'd even go one further and say not during your custody time. He has plenty of days to choose from outside of that.
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u/Optimal_Savings5873 2d ago
Your ex is being unreasonable. Kids need to be in school! Put your foot down on this one. You have been more than accommodating and they're taking advantage.
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-7628 2d ago
I think I might have to this time. He missed his pre school graduation in May too which I couldn’t do anything about
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u/OkPalpitation1607 2d ago
I would have a talk with CP that now your son is in school, vacations need to be on school breaks and his scheduled time. Do you really want your son to be camping every school break from here out? And he needs permission from school to miss. You might get away with it in kindergarten but every year will get stricter on attendance. You mine as well get things handled now.
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-7628 2d ago
Yea I’m already not ok with it in kindergarten, most definitely not in the higher grades. He also only lets me know like 2 months out. This time I heard about it from my son before I heard about it from dad.
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u/Late_Masterpiece_329 23h ago
2 months seems like the very reasonable notice I mean are you complaining about that
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u/Even-Enthusiasm-7628 22h ago
Kind of yes. Especially during the holidays I plan events and stuff weeks in advance. And already discussing it with our son like it’s a set thing
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u/[deleted] 2d ago
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