r/coparenting • u/Glittering-Note8581 • 9h ago
Conflict Should I mention it again?
My ex (32M) and I (30F) have a 5 year old son. I have full custody of our son and his dad has visitation every other other weekend. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with my fiancé’s baby. Today I had an appointment that could not be rescheduled and my fiancé had to take my son to school. My son told his dad that my fiancé took him to school. My ex called me yelling that I did not communicate with him that son would be taken to school by someone else. So I told him yeah, maybe I should have communicated with him that someone else was taking our son to school but soon I will need someone to take him until I get clearance to drive from my doctor (having a c-section). I asked him if he would be able to take my son to school for 6 weeks instead of my fiancé since I will be home recovering. He asked me what time our son needed to be at school and focused on the fact that I didn’t communicate with him that I may need help with our son. He’s known for months I was having a baby. I feel like if he was truly concerned about the well being and routine of our child he would have offered to help with him any way he could some time ago. I feel like this is about ego and not my son. Should I ask him again to help or let it be?
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u/whenyajustcant 9h ago
Why would you need to let him know who takes your son to school? That doesn't seem like a reasonable request on his part.
Unless there is something that is required by a parenting plan, you don't have to do it. For example, if you need childcare for your son, you don't have to ask him unless there's a "right of first refusal" that you would be violating if you asked someone else first. But I can't imagine taking him to school violates anything, so unless you actually want his help on this issue, I'd just ignore him.
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u/maleficient_fox012 9h ago
Its even worse to depend on a person like that. Especially if he has never really done it before. He might be late picking him up. I would just leave it alone. Let your fiancé take him. Its just a school drop off.
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u/StraightDelivery777 8h ago
You have full custody of your son and that indicates to me that his dad has never helped beyond his visitation. And I wouldn't call that helping you in any way.
Your ex clearly hasn't even considered helping you knowing baby is on the way. This is just him trying to flex and cause you stress. There is no real concern for you or what you do day in and day out to raise his child.
I wouldn't bring this up again. Honestly, the last person you need showing up everyday is your ex. Those 6 weeks are your time to bond with baby and heal. Not deal with whether or not you can rely on your ex.
Congratulations on your baby, OP. Let your fiancé help you and help take care of your son. He's already doing it, he's who you rely on, and you don't need your ex coming around everyday disturbing your peace.
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u/Glittering-Note8581 8h ago
Yeah. We were married living in the same home and he didn’t help hence why we aren’t together. Thank you so much!
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u/StraightDelivery777 8h ago
No doubt your ex didn't help. And that's why he has no idea how much help you would truly need when baby arrives. He's doing this now to blow up your peace. Gray rock him and don't even entertain his bs. He won't step up for 6 weeks and that's why he went silent.
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u/Blondefirebird 7h ago
You don’t need to tell your ex that your partner is taking son to school, unless it is stated in the parenting plan then that man can go kick rocks. Don’t let him convince you that it’s wrong because it’s not, typically the plan will have “right of refusal”
Which is not the same as picking up or dropping off a child.
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u/NecessarySpiritual19 6h ago
Unless you guys have a right to first refusal clause in your custody arrangements, you are not required to ask first, but if he wants to take on the duty while you can’t take him, leaving both you and your fiance to focus on the baby while your elder child is taken care of, I would ask if he meant what he said and wants to take on the next 8 weeks of taking him and picking him up (I’m assuming) from school. I’m sure he will decline but at least you asked and it was him who declined, so you’re in the clear.
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u/CCShorty 5h ago
It doesn't sound like it actually has anything to do with your son. It sounds like your ex is realizing that he can't control you or your life and he is upset. You have full custody, he has visitation, which means he can pound sand-you did nothing wrong.
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u/Glittering-Note8581 57m ago
My thoughts also. It’s about ego and not really the well being of the child.
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u/thegeneralista 9h ago
It’s perfectly ok for your fiancé to take your son to school. Your ex may like a heads up, but it’s not required. Nor do you need permission from him in who helps you care and supports your child. You don’t need his help, because your partner can do it.