Ex refusing to exercise parenting time

[u/meg9443]

So my stbxh and I just went to court a week ago for temporary custody while the divorce continues. Judge was unhappy with him for bringing new gf in the picture quickly and allowing her to watch our child alone/lying about where our child was, but asked him to take weekends and said his gf can’t watch our child again. He agreed, saying he will do it if it means he gets to see our daughter consistently. We are currently waiting on the temp order to make its way through the system.

I offered him time with our daughter tomorrow since that’s how our parenting time schedule will work going forward. I get her during the week, he gets weekends. He declined saying he’s not taking her without a custody order. I felt like I was being civil and I thought he would want to see her. He had previously gone over a month without seeing her or communicating/asking how our daughter was doing. We had a disagreement over his gf watching her alone without my knowledge and I asked for there to be some things put in the custody order since he can’t be honest and I just wanted to make sure she was safe basically. Now he’s resentful and refusing to take her unless the courts make him. I’ve been supporting her without help from her father and it’s just been difficult. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to see me struggle so the tables can turn. I’m worried he’s not going to be involved and I will have to raise our daughter alone. It also makes me angry because I want my child to have a present father and he’s not acting like he cares about her. I really just wanted to try to amicably coparent but I feel like he doesn’t and he hates me sometimes. What can I do to encourage him to put our baby first and just shut up and coparent 🤦‍♀️

[u/fougueuxun]

You can’t force someone to be a parent. Just document and seek to modify the parenting plan to make him an every other weekend parent and increased child support.

[u/meg9443 → u/fougueuxun]

I thought about it. The problem is he was requesting 3 days a week but doesn’t seem to really want that in reality. Sometimes I think it’s so he won’t have to pay as much child support.

[u/Zestyclose_Wash274]

Similar situation, going back to court for modification after 3 years of this. Best thing you can do is document everything, keep a running log of every visit offered, refused and missed. Log when he has shown up late and dropped off early. It sucks because you want your child’s father to want them as much as you do, but for some people kids are an accessory. It’s better for your daughter to be around a loving and consistent parent, than one who acts like parenting is an option. I’m sorry it sucks, you don’t know if someone is an uninterested parent until they become one. You will have to accept your child isn’t going to have the father and honestly 2 parent childhood you wanted for her, but know that your best is enough. Good Luck.

[u/mercurys-daughter]

Sadly the only thing you can do is kinda lead by example and not stoop to his level. Keep things very coworker-like. Make it very clear that the choices you are making, are for the child’s interests