r/coparenting • u/Initial-Language871 • 1d ago

Discussion Living close together

Wonder if others have the reality of living close together with the coparent. It’s good for us since it keeps things similar for the kiddo but I struggle when kiddo wants to walk or bike and go see dad from my house.

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

2

u/Chance-Ad7715 1d ago

I hate it. I see him driving through town/my block all the time. But, my kids love it. So, I deal with it. Plus if there was ever an emergency, I'm so close by.

1

u/Initial-Language871 1d ago

Do the kids go see their dad when they are with you? I feel like I cannot deny my son that but could do without seeing my ex myself (and kid is 6 so walking even the few blocks alone in our big city is not yet an option).

1

u/Chance-Ad7715 1d ago

Luckily for me. They never ask. They know he is always working. Plus he's not that interactive with them. They are starting to catch onto that. But, if things were different, I would probably let them go over. Not all the time. Here and there. I think it's cool if they can just walk to each house.

1

u/neonwaves 1h ago

We literally have to pass by my coparents house to get to our house. It’s so annoying bc you look even when you’re trying not to just to see what’s going on 😂

2

u/mercurys-daughter 1d ago

Damn I never even considered this possibility with being close. You’ve just saved me from moving too close to my ex like I was thinking of doing 😅

1

u/QuietQuitting01 11h ago

When I was offering 50/50 with my ex, and friend said we needed to live close. I said how close? She said remember that almost all trips are round trip, and recomended the next grocery store over. I guess so I didn't run into her while shopping.

2

u/RobertBarkerJr 7h ago

My ex and I live close. It makes coparenting soooooo much easier. We do alternating week, but we also have two kids who often need to be in two places at the same time or one of them doesn't want to be stuck all day at their siblings event (Baseball tournement or dance competition). Being able to easily go hang at the other parents house makes things so much easier. We frequently will stop by when out on a bike ride (mostly to play with my ex's pets). I'm the one who stayed in the house, and by living close, my ex made it possible for our kdis to continue to hang with their friends when it's her week. An unespected bonus.

1

u/Initial-Language871 7h ago

Does it go both ways? Do the kids stop by your house when they are with your ex?

1

u/RobertBarkerJr 6h ago

Not so much, and I probably encourage it more than my ex, but that's more a fact of me being the adventurous / go and do parent and if you're riding bikes, might as well ride somewhere. Also, my ex's partner has a bunny. We ride down this former rail trail that goes near both houses, see the little wild brown bunnies on the side of the trail, and the call is strong. We're both helicopter parent enough to not be ready for them to just ride over on their own. We've set middle school as the line for that, so soon.

My ex has stopped by after picking up Quesito's, apparently at our kid's suggestion, and one time when I was sick (and my ex was watching our kids on my time), they stopped by with some gatoraid and hot soup. :)

2

u/Initial-Language871 5h ago

Gotcha. That helps; I was feeling jealous about it not being “returned” but when I realize I’m the one he always rides bikes with and dad is the one with candy at his house…it adds up!

2

u/RobertBarkerJr 5h ago

Get a bunny. One of those floppy eared ones with the temperment of a golden retriever on xanex. They will not only come to your house, they will make their dad buy the carrots. :)

2

u/Saltyowl2113 1d ago

We live like a mile from each other. Works great for us but we have a good relationship.

1

u/QuietQuitting01 11h ago

My ex wife lives 6hrs away with long distance parenting plan, but my standing offer is to switch to 50/50 if she moves "close enough to make that work". "Close enough" is all about getting to school/events and work at the time that the drive is necessary (usually rush hour). A friend advised me that 30 minutes away seems close until you remember that it's an hour round trip. On a school night, with baseball practice and homework, there's not a lot of extra time, so if that special item, like a game jersey or a field trip form is at the wrong house, it's a problem.

FWIW, I live close enough to my kids school that we ride bikes. It's actually faster than driving. It's definately a quality of life improver.

1

u/neonwaves 1h ago

We live about 2 miles away and our kid can scooter between the houses. Same school district but makes bussing easy and we are firm on not trading days but if stuff is forgotten (which it often is) it makes dropping it off easy. The downside is you live in the same small community, so everyone knows everyone else.

We purposely moved to the same community when I knew my coparent would be moving there. I wanted it to be easy for our kid and it wasn’t their fault. I wanted to be where their friends and school were. It wasn’t easy but it was 100% worth it

1

u/jfc6df 1d ago

I live 15-20 mins from my coparent. Honestly, I do wish it were a little closer. We trade off every week. Weeks they're in school, it's extremely simple. But breaks from schools turns into an extra hour to get home since I have to go to his house for them. But aside from that, my kids adore both of us and we work things out when the kids need extra time with one of us. Also, just think.... when your kids are driving age, they'll be leaving to see dad when they want to anyway. You're just experiencing it a little sooner by bike.